The Real Ending to the Alligator River Story

Allen Derbyshire2/10/14Period 4

After nearly beating Greg to death sluggo leaves his unmoving body there on the cold wet earth to rot. Since Greg had been dealt with Sluggo could go in and make his move on the most seductive woman in all the land. In doing so he decided to take her on a cruise across the romantic alligator river. Leaving the dock of the men’s side of the river sluggo notices some competition for the voluptuous Abby. It’s Sinbad, that dirty tramp is back and looking to score. Sinbad however was prepared to bargain with sluggo for Abby, closely listening Sinbad had suggested that they play go fish to decide who will come out victorious. In the meantime Abby had to go ahead and make herself comfortable by setting the table for two. As the winner of the online battle would gain her eternal love and all her possessions. Sinbad started the hand by going fish followed by many hours of intense rounds of nonstop go fish. With no winners insight and midnight creeping in on the two thirsty men Sluggo decided to use his brute strength to instead throw Sinbad off the ship and feed him to the alligators. Now all he needed was some time alone with Abby, in another bargain to get to the other side of the river sluggo slept with Abby. In return the next morning Abby was returned to the women’s side of the shore where she would go see the chill Ivan. Now Ivan was not really thinking of ways to save the earth but truly was thinking of how he would win Abby’s heart. Would it be the flakey croissants? Or would it be the metalworking company for deaf people? Not knowing and unable to come up with some sort of answer he was confronted by Abby. Hi said Abby. Unable to speak, Ivan quickly resorted to telling Abby about his most vivid memory. This was the memory of trying to sell a piece of fool’s gold to Cash4Gold in order to save up for a new pointy stick. He could remember it was clearly as picking up wheel barrels in Italy. The story went something about how Ivan had been searching for gold in the panama canal with a quadriplegic prostitute he had picked up outside of small town of Wetwang England. Upon searching he had found a hidden treasure room with the artifacts of punkrock bands from the 90’s. Listening intently Abby learned more about Ivan and began to fall more in love with him. As time went on they got married and lived together. They rebuilt the bridge and every year would travel to the man’s side of the river and beat up Greg as part of their religious day. Overall they decided to become Jewish farmers who thrived off each other and sometimes were lucky enough to be greeted by oncoming alligators who enjoyed their wonderful and bountiful potatoes. The end.