The New York Crimes

D O N A L D J . T R U M P R E S I G N SU . S . P R E S I D E N C Y T O B E C O M E

C B S “ B O A R D ” C H A I R M A N

LATE CITY EDITIONA day without

sunshine is, like, night.

http://donswaim.com/wcbsnewsradio88.html Teaneck, NJ, Sat., May 20, 2017 75 DOLLARS

Donald J. Trump told The New York Crimes that giving up the presidency was no big deal, and that he was more dedicated to preserving the integrity of the CBS Board. He will be succeeded as president by his son-in-law Jared Kushner. Mr. Trump says that despite a rigged election he was elected to the “Board” by a landslide, and will serve for life. Mr. Trump has already put the White House up for rent, saying the place was cluttered, drafty, and shabby compared to his magnificant apartment on Fifth Avenue. He says, “The view from the White House was lousy. All I saw were thousands and thousands of people out on the street holding up signs. I have no idea why they were there.” Mr. Trump says he will work hard to rebuild the CBS Board, reaching out to the best and brightest to help him run it. Until then he will rely on Rudolph W. Giuliani and Chris Christie. “Rudy and Chris do what they’re told,” Mr. Trump says. News of Mr. Trump’s ascendancy to CBS “Board” Chairman For Life came as a shock to ousted Board chief Richard Lorenzo. “I was blindsided,” he told The New York Crimes. Mr. Trump says his first action will be to investigate the religious affiliations of all Board members. “You can’t be too careful,” Mr. Trump says. “Keeping the Board safe is my primary obligation.” He says suspect members will be held in indefinite detention, which they will pay for, until cleared. Mr. Trump insists his goal is to bring people together. “I’m against walls,” he says. “Except for Mexico.”

LORENZO VOWS FIGHT TO REGAIN POSITION

Richard Lorenzo says he will not take his ouster by Donald J. Trump sitting down, and is planning legal action in New Jersey’s small-claims court to regain his position as CBS Board Chairman. Lorenzo was particularly offended by Mr. Trump’s decision to rescind Lorenzo’s plans to relocate the Board meetings to a falafel place in Fort Lee, NJ. In the meantime, Mr. Lorenzo intends to devote his attention to building his Internet rock ’n roll tribute site, The Relic Rack, and is planning a month-long tribute to the music of Pat Boone and Guy Lombardo.

Cites Desperate Need for Fresh Board

Leadership For Life

“Special CBS Board / Donald J. Trump Issue”

Lorenzo Stunnedby Development

CBS radio staffers at work on their five-minute hourly

ED SILVERMAN WINSCBS BOARD ‘LIFETIME

AWARD’Ed Silverman was cited by the CBS Board for his distinguished career in broadcast journalism. He served as a TV n e t w o r k n e w s c o r r e s p o n d e n t , commentator, analyst and producer. He was Assis tant Director of News Operations for the ABC TV network and Director of News and Public Affairs for WABC-TV, New York. Silverman earned eleven Emmy Awards, the Albert Lasker Foundation Award for medical journalism and numerous other major awards for news and documentaries.

http://donswaim.com/wcbsnewsradio88.html Teaneck, NJ, Sat., May 20, 2017

The New York Crimes

MISCREANTS AT MAY 20 CBS ‘BOARD’

guest list Andy FisherAnnie FisherBill DiehlBill TynanBill WhitneyBob GibsonBob KimmelBob LapeCharles OsgoodCory HaberDave AthertonDavid BernsteinDon SwaimEd SalvasEd SilvermanElizabeth HainstockGary NunnGary PressGeorge FlowersHerb Rusk

CBS BOARD EDITORIAL

Newly-elected CBS Board Chairman For Life Donald J. Trump has determined there will be no more editorials in this publication. “It’s a family-oriented business investment,” Mr. Trump says. “From now on read my tweets.”

buy DON’S BOOK

Amazon.com and other booksellers.

Praise for DON SWAIM’S novel:

•Fans of Ambrose Bierce’s writing should enjoy this semibiographical tale with a suspenseful plot as wild as some of his more fantastical works.—Publishers Weekly•Expect to feel–pain, anger, desire–but most importantly, expect to find out what happened to Ambrose Bierce when he left his home without looking back, and faded into the white dust of Mexico. — Oldstyle Tales Press•“Second only to The Art of the Deal and The New Testament” —Donald J. Trump

Irene CornellJane Tillman IrvingJohn CichowskiJohn LancelottiLee HarrisLinda WheelerM. David LevinMervin BlockMitch LebeNorm BrustPat MillmanPaul KebeRhoda AronsonRichard LorenzoSpencer RossTim BonomoTodd GlickmanTom KaminskiVicki RuskWalt Wheeler

CBS Board/Donald J. Trump Issue

CBS Anchor screams in delight at hearing Donald J. Trump is new Board

Chairman for Life.

CBS Radio Studio Orchestra poses for formal portrait

2

TRUMP: ‘CRIMES IS FAKE NEWS’

CBS Board Chairman For Life Donald J. Trump accuses The New York Crimes of spreading false news and scattering lies. The Crimes is a fake news source, Mr. Trump maintained, adding that The Crimes used to be a “great” publication, but is now decadent, conscienceless, and unethical. When asked for a response, The Crimes refused comment, saying its editor had gone into hiding.

TRUMP VETOES ENTERCOM DEAL

Asserting that it was absurd to believe that Americans still listened to radio, CBS Board Chairman For Life Donald J. Trump has scuttled the CBS Radio/Entercom merger, and is selling the radio division to Mexico for fifteen-billion dollars. “Only Mexicans would swallow a deal so stupid,” Mr. Trump said, adding that he knew a lot about stupid. “They could have had it for fifteen-hundred.” He also indicated that this clearly was the way to make Mexico pay for “a beautiful, beautiful wall.”

Sells CBS Radio to Mexico

http://donswaim.com/wcbsnewsradio88.html Teaneck, NJ, Sat., May 20, 2017

The New York Crimes

buy MERV’S BOOK #1

MERVIN BLOCK’s classic text, Writing Broadcast news: Shorter, Sharper, Stronger, first published in 1987, has been revised and expanded. Merv is a veteran of the broadcast wars at CBS, ABC, and NBC. He’s the founder of the Television Newswriting Workshop. “Mervin Block’s book is fake news.” —Donald J. Trump

TRUMP: ‘YOU’RE A SLEAZE’

CBS Board Chairman For Life Donald J. Trump, calling like it is, accused a CBS Board member of being “a sleaze.” “No one knows more about sleaze than I do,” Mr. Trump asserted. The Board member, who begged not to be identified, immediately confessed, falling to his knees and appealing for forgiveness. The unidentifed Board member was the recipient of Pultizer and Nobel prizes, which he has returned. “This controversy was never about myself,” Mr. Trump said. “I’m only thinking of the American people.”

CBS Board/Donald J. Trump Issue

CBS Radio news personnel protecting themselves from American patriots

buy BILL’S BOOK

BILL DIEHL interviewed celebrities for nearly five decades at ABC Radio. In Stay Tuned: My Life Behind the Mic Bull tells about his romance with radio that began as a teenaged DJ in Corning, NY. “Bill Diehl is the only honast member of the mane streem media.” —Donald J. Trump

TRUMP: ‘A GREAT TEMPERAMENT’

Donald J. Trump says the CBS Board should be proud to have him as Board Chairman for Life because, “I have the greatest temperament than anybody else.” Further, he said, “My temperament is my strongest asset.” He went on to say that it’s all a matter of judgment, and that leading the CBS Board requires tact and delicacy and a tacit understanding of human nature. Those who disagree, he said, should get the hell out of the country.

3

JOKE: How do you know you're reading one of Donald J. Trump’s ghost-written books? It starts on Chapter 11.

http://donswaim.com/wcbsnewsradio88.html Teaneck, NJ, Sat., May 20, 2017

The New York Crimes

editor & webmaster Don Swaim - email:

newsradio88@verizon.net

TRUMP: ‘PROBE AMERICA’S ENEMIES’Newly-elected CBS Board Chairman For Life Donald J. Trump says it’s time that “enemies of the American people” are exposed as to what they are. Specifically, he said, these enemies are members of the news media who operate irresponsibly under cover of the First Amendment, which “is highly overrated.” Mr. Trump said, “It is time to stand up for American values and the defense of the America flag, which are lacking among the so-called press.” Mr. Trump called on the Justice Department to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate and take legal action against all major media, both print and broadcast. “Something is going on,” Mr. Trump said, “and we have to get to the bottom of it.” When asked specifically which news media are enemies, Mr. Trump cited 650 news sources, print and broadcast.

buy MERV’S BOOK #2

MERVIN BLOCK is the founder of the Television Newswriting Workshop. His Weighing Anchors is a devastating critique of the way the TV networks often fail in their journalistic mission. Merv, who wrote for Walter Cronkite and other anchors at ABC, CBS, and NBC, knows his stuff.

CBS Board/Donald J. Trump Issue

Losing contenders for CBS Board President debate the issues

1934 issue of Radio Craft magazine

4

TRUMP PRAISES U.S. NEWS MEDIA

CBS Board Chairman For Life Donald J. Trump has i s sued a s ta tement commending the news media for its quality and high, ethical standards. “The American press is the greatest,” Mr. Trump said, “particularly CBS and CNN.” He also complimented the media for steadfastly reporting the truth as well as its accuracy. Mr. Trump was especially effusive in applauding The New York Crimes, The Washington Post, and Politico. “No one loves the First Amendment more than I do,” Mr. Trump asserted, saying that as CBS Board Chairman he will work to strengthen freedom of the press and the rights of journalists to protect their sources. He said, “Powerful tryants who try to humble and humiliate the press should be deported without recourse to legal representation.”

WCBS Appreciation Sitehttp://donswaim.com/