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GOLDEN GAME OVER, DESIGN BY EMMA DEARDORFF PHOTO BY JOSHUA GRUBER JOSHUA GRUBER

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Page 1: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

GOLDENGAME OVER,

DESIGN BY EMMA DEARDORFFPHOTO BY JOSHUA GRUBERJOSHUA GRUBER

Page 2: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

2 NEWS THE MIAMI HURRICANE October 26 - October 28, 2015

T he University of Miami could welcome a new fraternity to its campus if freshman Brandon Zaldivar gets his wish.

Zaldivar posted a message onto the official UM Class of 2019 Facebook page asking if there was anyone who felt like they did not belong to the current fraternities on campus, but would be interested in exploring a new option: Theta Chi. He said all students deserve an equal opportunity to join Greek Life and he wants to bring the Theta Chi chap-ter to UM to present students with more options.

Theta Chi was founded in 1856, according to its website. The fraternity was chartered at the University of Miami from 1950-63, and it’s possible that its disappearance was due to low member-ship numbers, according to Theta Chi’s Senior Director for External Rela-tions J.D. Ford.

Zaldivar’s own interest in Theta Chi came from talking with his friend who joined the fraternity at another university. After seeing how much his friend loved it and how much he grew because of the fraternity, Zaldivar decided to do more research.

“I have seen my friend develop into a responsible, studious, well-rounded student,” Zaldivar said. “I have a lot of respect and admiration for Theta Chi because I have seen firsthand how influential they have been in my friend’s growth as an individual and a brother. It is my hope to have that same experience at the University of Miami alongside some of my classmates.”

Aside from watching his friend change for the better, Zaldivar also mentioned Theta Chi’s Sacred Purpose program, started less than two years ago, as part of his motivation to bring the fraternity on campus. He believes the program is unlike anything other fraternities offer and will be a great way to develop character in his fellow classmates.

“Theta Chi’s Sacred Purpose program is a movement dedicated to improving the health, safety and well-being of students,” Zaldivar said.

More than 2,400 students belong to greek life at UM. Fraternities and sororities help students make connections, take part in philanthropic events, find leadership opportunities and gain strong academic support.

The first step to getting Theta Chi on campus is demonstrating that students would be interested in joining the fraternity. Ford said there is no set number of members needed to sustain a chapter on campus; however, the numbers must be substantial.

“We’re working with him and supporting him through that pro-cess,” Ford said. “Should there be enough interest, then we will be taking the next step of working with the IFC [Interfraternity Council] president and working with the Dean of Students.”

Even if people are not interested, Zaldivar is still a huge fan of the fra-ternities already on campus. He believes they help students who are deal-ing with depression and can propel students forward to successful careers.

“Although I am from Miami, I believe that many of the long-lasting friendships I held with my high school friends might suffer from the dis-tance hindrance,” he said. “I believe Greek life gives students the opportu-nity to make new friends and provide life-long friendships.”

For those interested in Greek life, IFC President Matt Getzoff said that spring recruitment will start on Sunday, Jan. 10 at the IFC BBQ from 4-7 p.m. on the Intramural Fields.

I n the fictional film “Little Acci-dents,” a fatal mining accident in a small American town that killed 10 miners sets off a chain

of events that cause the town’s unravel-ing. Heavily divided by socioeconomic status after the accidents, the town’s resi-dents become interconnected and depen-dent on each other in different ways.

The independent film was brought to the Bill Cosford Cinema at the Uni-versity of Miami on Wednesday night as part of the Sundance Institute’s Film Forward Festival. The festival is a touring program designed to enhance greater un-derstanding, collaboration and dialogue around the globe by engaging audiences through the exhibition of films and con-versations with filmmakers. Speakers were on campus to talk to certain classes throughout the week.

Meredith Lavitt, director of the Film Forward Initiative, said that the festival has a powerful mission to impact lives.

“We’ve all come together because we do believe in the power of storytelling to bring audiences together, to learn from each other, to inspire each other – we go all over the world,” Lavitt said to a small audience of about 20 inside of Cosford before introducing “Little Accidents.”

The film, written and directed by Sara Colangelo, is a coming-of-age story that highlights a rural West Virginia town where coal mining is the career destined for residents at birth. The film incorporates more issues than solely a tragic mining accident, though, including socioeconomic distress, stigma against children with disabilities and the distinc-tion between the idea of morality and what is right and wrong. It is one of eight films in the festival and one of three at the Cosford that portrays issues relevant to a global audience, Lavitt said.

“We look for films that have univer-sal themes and we feel like can connect to different audiences around the world – from documentaries, to narratives, in-ternational and domestic films,” she said. “This program is about reaching different pockets and this is a destination that we hadn’t gone to yet.”

Jason Berman, the producer of “Lit-tle Accidents,” believes that the director’s own experience of living in West Virginia and witnessing firsthand the socioeco-nomic divide in mining towns made the film and its message richer in content.

Berman said one of the key mes-sages of the film is acknowledging that people’s actions, regardless of social class, can have a great effect on everyone, and that “everyone coming together” is an important element of life.

The Sundance Institute’s previous relationship with UM’s Cosford Cinema is what drew them to come this year with the festival, giving UM students a unique opportunity to engage in cross-cultural conversations, Lavitt said. As a weekly attendee of Cosford Cinema screenings, sophomore motion picture major Mu-guang Chen said that films like “Little Accidents” are great opportunities not only to learn about cinematography, but also to learn about real stories.

“I am not from this country, so viewing films from America or any other country are great learning experiences for me. This film festival does great things for college students as it allows for growth in many areas,” Chen said.

More information about the festival can be found at sundance.org/filmfor-ward.

Theta Chi fraternity may reestablish UM chapter

Touring film festival visits Cosford Cinema

GREEK LIFE CAMPUS LIFE

By Nadijah CampbellNadijah CampbellStaff Writer

By Amanda HerreraAmanda HerreraContributing News Writer

MEANINGFUL MESS:Dr. Gail Cole-Avent, execu-

tive director of student life, gets “pied” during Friday’s Pie-A-Leader event on the Lakeside Patio. Student club leaders and administrative faculty volun-teered to get pied by tins fi lled with shaving cream for $2.

The proceeds benefi tted Heart for Africa, an organization that cares for orphan children in Swaziland, the country with the highest recorded cases of HIV/AIDS in the world. A Week 4 Life is a programming board dedicated to educating the Uni-versity of Miami community on issues regarding HIV/AIDS and reproductive health.

GETTING PIEDFOR A PURPOSE

Erum Kidwai Erum Kidwai // Staff Photographer

ZALDIVAR

Page 3: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

October 26 - October 28, 2015 THE MIAMI HURRICANE NEWS 3

“I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.”

The last two lines of the poem “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley were words that the late Alexander Grass lived by. These words that meant so much to him and his children will be inscribed on the Lake Osceola pedestrian bridge that will open offi-cially on Oct. 28.

Spanning the stretch from the Eaton Resi-dential parking lot to the Lakeside Patio, the 210-foot bridge will be engraved with the lines of Henley’s poem on the floor of both entranc-es. Through a naming gift, his family lent those words to the bridge’s name: Fate Bridge.

Grass’s granddaughter, Hannah Weese, a senior attending the University of Miami, hopes that the words will inspire other students as much as they have inspired her.

“The words are important to my grandfa-ther because he came from nothing and he real-ly believed that if you want something and you worked hard for it, you would get it,” Weese said. “I think that’s very indicative of his life in general, and he – in my opinion – passed that mentality onto his children, who passed it onto their children. You have to work for everything that you want, and those lines demonstrate that you can get whatever you want as long as you try hard.”

For Weese, those words have been a com-forting mantra. Those two lines of her family’s motto are inscribed on her back as a tattoo.

“The way I take the last two lines, you are in charge of your own fate. Your choices define what happens to you in life,” Weese said. “Also, it’s fate that I came to Miami after I came on a visit and I loved it, so it’s one of those things that work out. I love this school. It means a lot to me and I had an opportunity to leave my mark.”

Weese first found out about the bridge ini-tiative in the spring. Through the Grass Family Foundation, named after Weese’s grandfather, they donated $1 million toward the building of the bridge that would provide greater mobility for the campus community.

“When I first found out, I believe my ex-act words to my mom by text were, ‘Hey mum, want to build a bridge?’” Weese said. “I asked half-jokingly, but when I found out she was considering it, we contacted the alumni rela-tions and from there, we got the ball rolling.”

A self-made businessman who founded the Rite Aid corporation, Grass always believed in giving back to the community. He joined the Navy and went to the University of Florida to get his law degree using the G.I. bill. He started a chain of businesses and his own foundation in 1972, when he made it a point to give back to the community. After a 10-year battle with lung cancer, Grass passed away on Aug. 27, 2009.

“My father had an incredible life,” Eliza-beth Weese, Hannah’s mother, said in a press release. “One full of choices and decisions. He followed his gut and stood by those decisions. Funding a bridge that will be well-traveled by students in a place where choices abound seems very profound to me. I think he would be proud.”

While Grass had a fantastic life, his daughter finds it difficult to point to a single event that defined him.

“It is hard to choose a greatest accomplish-ment,” she said. “I would say his greatest ac-complishment is the legacy he left behind for his children and grandchildren, [his] strong values and the financial strength to continue his charitable givings at home and abroad.”

It is those strong values that the Weese family seeks to honor with Fate Bridge. Con-struction began in May and was led by Moss Construction Management and students from the School of Engineering under professor An-tonio Nanni. Engineering students assisted in the completion of the bridge by installing glass fiber-reinforced polymer rebars, which will help prevent future corrosion, and sensors that will help monitor the longevity of the bridge.

Weese was glad that students assisted in the construction of the bridge. She describes it as her “baby” and always tries to walk past it to see its development.

“At first, all we saw was a skeleton of the bridge,” Weese said. “Over time, it looks more and more functional. I am proud that UM stu-dents were part of this. For them, it must mean a lot to have their work be a part of campus.”

Usually, a constructed establishment would take after the names of the donors spon-soring it. However, Weese and her mother wanted a short title. They used the bridge by the Patti and Allan Herbert Wellness Center as inspiration in choosing a name with meaning.

“The other bridge, called the Love Bridge, was short and sweet and to the point,” Weese said. “It had such a nice story behind it, so I thought naming our bridge the Fate Bridge would tie in nicely.”

The bridge is part of a master plan to im-prove the circulation around Lake Osceola. Janet Gavarrete, associate vice president of Campus Planning and Development, empha-sized the convenience and functionality of the bridge, especially with regard to easing foot traffic from commuters who park in the more than 1,600 parking spaces in the Pavia and Merrick garages.

“The importance is enhancing walkability on campus,” Gavarrete said. “The bridge pro-vides a direct connection from the Pavia and Merrick garage to the center of campus rather than going through the University Center bridge or Stanford Residential College ... This will also serve as a transformative feature of our campus.”

A special ceremony to dedicate the struc-ture and to open it officially will be held at 11:15 a.m. on Oct. 28. Weese and her mother will by joined by President Julio Frenk and other uni-versity officials to step foot on the bridge for the first time.

“I hope people on campus, when they walk over it, will take something from it,” Weese said. “There’s something in those words for everyone.”

Fate Bridge honors donors’ family through poetic lines with personal meaning

CAMPUS LIFE

By Marcus LimMarcus LimStaff Writer

LASTING LEGACY: Senior Hannah Weese is the granddaughter of the late Alexander Grass, founder of Rite Aid corporation and benefactor to the new Fate Bridge. Weese hopes the dedication on the side of the bridge will inspire students to live by her grandfather’s philosophy.

Erum Kidwai Erum Kidwai // Staff Photographer

Page 4: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

4 NEWS THE MIAMI HURRICANE October 26 - October 28, 2015

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T he Richter L i b r a r y ’ s e x t e n s i v e c o l l e c t i o n

of historic Cuban documents, artifacts and books will be un-der the care of a new director after the de-parture of Maria Es-torino.

Estorino officially became the di-rector of Collections Management and Programming at the HistoryMiami Museum on Oct. 5. She spent the last 14 years with UM, most recently serv-ing as interim head of special collec-tions and director of the Cuban Heri-tage Collection (CHC), located on the second f loor of Richter Library. Mei-yolet Méndez is serving as the interim head of special collections for the CHC at Richter while Estorino’s successor is selected.

“[The CHC] is a library and an archive dedicated to collecting items from not only Cuba but [also] the Cu-ban diaspora,” Estorino said.

The Cuban diaspora happened between 1960 and 1980, when thou-sands of Cubans escaped communism and came to America, a large number of them settling in South Florida. She attributes the collection’s popularity to the large Cuban presence in South Florida.

Her new position at the Histor-yMiami Museum is vice president of museum collections. In this position, she focuses on the extensive photo ar-

chives, architectural records and fam-ily and business papers that make up Miami’s history.

“[The museum] is a place you can come in and study Miami’s history more seriously,” Estorino said. “Being able to collect, preserve and provide ac-cess to collections is the most funda-mental thing.”

As an undergraduate, Estorino studied history before obtaining her degree in library science, which fo-cuses on the organization and mainte-nance of archives. An internship at the Smithsonian Institution museum com-plex in Washington, D.C. during her studies helped to further her interest in the museum field. Estorino said she is intrigued by how historical items help to tie historical events together.

“Working with artifacts and col-lections as a whole, it’s interesting how they help us tell stories,” she said.

HistoryMiami plans to take advan-tage of Estorino’s extensive knowledge of Miami to source artifacts and im-portant documents. Estorino will also serve as a liaison between the museum and the greater Miami community.

“Maria will emphasize making our collections discoverable and ac-cessible to the community and provide expertise on strategically collecting materials in our community that help support the museum’s mission to tell Miami stories,” Museum Director Jose Zamanillo said.

In order to build on the collection, Estorino is getting acquainted with her new workplace and the collection the museum has curated over the years.

Cuban Collections director joins HistoryMiami

CAMPUS LIFE

By Matthew BerkowitzMatthew BerkowitzContributing News Writer

CULTURAL ARTIFACTS: The Cuban Heritage Collection at Richter Library, directed by Maria Estorino, archives items from Cuba and the Cuban Diaspora. The collection aims to tell stories of the community.

Erum Kidwai Erum Kidwai // Staff Photographer

ESTORINO

NEWS BRIEFS

Becka Mara McKay will per-form at the next USpeak Flash Fiction & Poetry Performance Series on Monday at Books & Books in Coral Gables at 7 p.m. McKay directs the Master of Fine Arts Pro-

gram in Creative Writing at Florida Atlantic University and has written a poetry book as well as several transla-tions of Hebrew literature. Books & Books is located at 265 Aragon Ave. in Coral Gables.

For $35, students can sign up to take the Red Cross First Aid certif ication course at the Patti

and Allan Herbert Wellness Center on Wednesday at 5:30 p.m.

Paula Kerger, president and CEO of PBS, will be giving a talk about public media at 11:30 a.m. on Nov. 2 in Shoma Hall (room 3053) as part of the School of

Communication’s Annual Conversa-tion Series. Profes-sor Paul Driscoll will moderate a Q&A session be-tween Kerger and students.

The university is hosting a voter reg-istration drive at the Lakeside Patio Stage on Wednes-day from 11 a.m.

to 3 p.m. Anyone looking to register must bring valid state-issued photo identif ication.

USpeak Flash Fiction & Poetry Performance Series

First Aid Certification

PBS President to Speak

Voter Registration

Page 5: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

October 26 - October 28, 2015 THE MIAMI HURRICANE OPINION 5

OpinionOpinionEDITORIAL

Finally.After seasons of pleas to “#FireAlGolden,”

the school and Director of Athletics Blake James have listened.

During orientation, new students are practi-cally indoctrinated with our school’s proud foot-ball history, reciting back the years the Hurricanes won the national title like studying for a history test: ‘83, ‘87, ‘89, ‘91, ‘01.

Looking at this weekend’s 58-0 blowout against the sixth-ranked Clemson Tigers, no one could have ever guessed that the Miami Hurri-canes were once stuff of legend. Miami fans and students alike were rightfully furious about the

performance, the worst loss in our program’s his-tory.

Now, after weeks of hemming and hawing about retaining Golden until the end of the sea-son, James has caved to the pressure of furious fans, donors and the Board of Trustees. At some point, enough is enough, and the Clemson-Mi-ami game went far beyond that limit.

Under just four and a half seasons of Gold-en, the Canes had 14 double-digit losses, which matches the total number UM racked up between 1980-95, per the Miami Herald. Under Golden, Miami never beat a team that finished the year ranked in the top 25.

Though our players may not be superstars, a loss this crippling should never have happened. In addition, UM has not been taking full advantage of the fact that it is located in the most talent-rich high school football region in the country; hope-fully the change in leadership will revive the Hur-ricanes’ competitive recruitment.

This program has long been in dire need of a reboot. Now that the university has finally admit-ted that the current performance is unacceptable, all efforts should go into finding a new coach ca-pable of reviving the program.

The sooner new leadership is found, the more time they will have to build a strong coach-ing staff and recruiting class during the off-season.

Regardless of what decisions are made dur-ing the upcoming months, Miami fans around the nation can breathe a temporary sigh of relief knowing that the so-called “Golden Era” is fi-nally over.

Editorials represent the majority view of The Mi-

ami Hurricane editorial board.

Golden givenpink slip fanshave been calling for

W henever I ask my twin brother about a girl he likes or overhear a guy tell his friends about someone he’s interested in, they always say

the same thing: “She’s so chill.”The concept of “chill” is something along the

lines of “relaxed and going with the f low,” or at least it is according to Urban Dictionary.

But girls, or anyone else, shouldn’t aspire to just be “chill.” We should want to be known as something more.

On the surface, describing someone as “chill” is a compliment. Someone who is “relaxed and

goes with f low” seems like someone who’s easy to be around. Sure, no one wants to date someone who is completely neurotic, but is it so wrong if people actually care about things? A chill person probably wouldn’t call someone out for a sexist or racist comment and wouldn’t complain if she’s in an uncomfortable situation. But is that a good thing?

I am not chill.My twin brother once told me, “Rachel you CARE about ev-

erything,” and I have countless interests that I feel very passionately

about. I am genuinely more excited about the new “Star Wars” movie than my impending graduation this December, and will most likely cry at some point during the premiere. I also care about political and social issues. A coworker of mine told me that I should make a rant channel on YouTube, and I understood why he suggested it. There are countless issues I can discuss, ranging from the killing of dolphins in Japan to the lack of gun control in this country. There are so many topics that I get excited about, like the arrival of “The Winds of Win-ter,” but also a lot of things that piss me off, like Donald Trump.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing not to be “chill.” Everyone who ever mattered in history went against the grain, from the founding fathers of our country, to the Beatles, to Stephen Hawking. They all dared to be different. So, please, stop describing the people you like as “chill.” They are smart, passionate, creative and kind, and they deserve to be considered so much more than just ... chill.

Rachel Berquist is a senior majoring in English and psychology.

Aspire to be more than just ‘chill’

By Rachel BerquistRachel BerquistStaff Columnist

CULTURE

The MiamiHURRICANE

The Miami Hurricane is published semi-weekly during the regular academic year and is edited and produced by undergraduate students at the University of Miami. The publication does not necessarily represent the views and opinions of advertisers or the university’s trustees, faculty or administration. Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of The Miami Hurricane’s Editorial Board. Commentaries, letters and cartoons represent only the views of their respective authors. The newsroom and business offi ce of The Miami Hurricane are located in the Student Activities Center, Student Media Suite 200.

LETTER POLICYThe Miami Hurricane encourages all readers to voice their opinions on issues related to the university or in response to any report published in The Miami Hurricane. Letters to the editor may be submitted typed or handwritten to the Donna E. Shalala Student Center, Student Media Suite 200, or mailed to P.O. Box 248132, Coral Gables, Fla. 33124-6922. Letters must be signed with a copy of your Cane Card.

ADVERTISING POLICYThe Miami Hurricane’s business offi ce is located at the Donna E. Shalala Student Center, Media Suite 200, 1330 Miller Drive, Coral Gables, Fla. 33146. The Miami Hurricane is published on Mondays and Thursdays during the university’s fall and spring academic terms. Newspapers are distributed for free on the Coral Gables campus, the School of Medicine and off -campus locations.

DEADLINESAll ads must be received, cash with copy, in The Miami Hurricane business offi ce, Student Activities Center Student Media Suite 200, by noon Tuesday for Thursday’s issue and noon Friday for Monday’s issue.

SUBSCRIPTIONSThe Miami Hurricane is available for subscription at the rate of $50 per year.

AFFILIATIONSThe Miami Hurricane is a member of the Associated Collegiate Press, Columbia Scholastic Press Association and Florida College Press Association.

Founded 1929 An Associated Collegiate Press Hall of Fame Newspaper

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For advertising rates call305-284-4401 or fax 305-284-4404.

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To reach a member of the staff visit themiamihurricane.com’s contact page.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEFNick Gangemi

MANAGING EDITOR Julie Harans

NEWS EDITORWilliam Riggin

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITORIsabella Cueto

OPINION EDITORJackie Yang

EDGE EDITOREmily Dabau

SPORTS EDITORMark Singer

PHOTO EDITORHallee Meltzer

ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITORGiancarlo Falconi

ART DIRECTOREmma Deardorff

DESIGNERS Madeleine TrtanSavanah DeBrosseAmy Meltzer

MULTIMEDIA EDITORS. Molly Dominick

WEBMASTERGeorges Duplessy

ONLINE EDITORSherman Hewitt

COPY CHIEFAlyssa Bolt

COPY EDITORSAsmae FahmyHuixin DengTej Joshi

PR MANAGERAlina Zerpa

BUSINESS MANAGERChristopher Dalton

SALES REPRESENTATIVESJames HillyerGrayson TishkoKyle StewartChris DanielsBen Holiday

AD DESIGNERCynthia Pacheco

ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANTIsabel Vichot

FACULTY ADVISER Ileana Oroza

FINANCIAL ADVISER Steve Priepke

IS IT SO WRONG IF PEOPLE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THINGS?

Page 6: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

6 OPINION THE MIAMI HURRICANE October 26 - October 28, 2015

H ello, and thank you for coming. Please be seated.

We are gathered here to-day to discuss something that

has changed all of our lives, the kind of sub-stance that would alleviate your spirits fol-lowing a long day of walking to class and dodging “hoverboards.” But now, this thing is gone.

I am, of course, referring to the om-elettes at late-night dining. They are now served just once a month, if at all.

I still remember the f irst time that I saw the option for this scrumptious meal. It was my freshman year, and all of my friends said, “Hey dude, let’s just get chicken fingers and grab a booth.”

But I, encapsulated by love at f irst sight, replied, “No, I think I’ll stand in this long line and make you wait 20 minutes for me.”

It was worth every second. I don’t usually even like eggs, but it didn’t matter. They were f luffy, and the ham and cheese married in my mouth perfectly, like Khloé Kardashian and a husband she hasn’t seen in six months.

Frankly, we’ve all been there: you went to breakfast (at noon) and dinner (at eight), and none of the “Chicken-Fried Chicken” tasted like a bird. But the sweet, runny omelettes were there to anchor your evening at midnight.

Naturally, I noticed that omelettes were dwindling as a late night staple this year, so I decided to attend late-night din-ing and ask the “omelette guy” about abandoning his f lagship cuisine. How dare they take away the nom-nom-nom-elette.

“The avian f lu hit hard this year,” Chico the chef said. “Too many eggs were infected, so we had to stop ordering so many.”

“Of course, that makes perfect sense,” I said. Wow, what a noble, mothering dining hall we have, always looking out for its students.

“Also, taxes went up.”Okay, nevermind. Same ol’ dining hall.But who cares about the money? These yellow love pock-

ets brought happiness to the students.“The omelettes were the fuel for my brain,” junior Bren-

dan McBreen said. “Life is just pointless without my f luffy.”Even the freshmen knew they missed out on the golden

age of golden eggs. “I’ve only had two late nights with om-elette,” freshman Jordan Hill said. “It was like my first wet dream about Ella Eyre.”

A British freshman chimed in. “Write about the fruit in-stead,” Oliver Constantine said. “It’s dreadful.” Okay, I don’t know how that last one got in there, but he has a point.

Nevertheless, it seems like we have to accept that our be-loved omelettes have become an endangered species.

It’s time to move on, guys.So, next time you enter the Stanford-Hecht dining hall

at 12 a.m. and you see just some gooey chicken drowning in cheese ... say to yourself, “Omelette this go.”

Danny New is a junior majoring in broadcast journalism. The Matu-rity Column runs alternating Mondays.

Omelette shortage hits hard

By Danny NewDanny NewHumor Columnist

THE MATURITY COLUMN

D ating is hard. You’ve heard peo-ple say it, you’ve been on bad dates

yourself and you’ve watched your friends go on bad dates. Bad dates exist, and you will experience many in your life: this is a most horrible truth. But I’m not here to talk about “dating culture,” because hon-estly, I’m not well-versed in the language of seductive eyebrow

dances and strategically timed arm stroking. I’m here to discuss the hardest aspect of dating that no one ever talks about: ordering dessert.

Let me paint you a picture.It’s Friday night, and your friend Jennifer has

set you up with her boyfriend’s cousin’s college roommate, Stefan. Stefan is a great guy who likes the environment and is interested in city planning. He’s witty, interesting and an attractive mix of Puerto Rican and Japanese. You go out for Ital-ian food and hit it off. Conversation is f lowing eas-ily; your irrational fear of a bird swooping up your

rigatoni and dropping it on your head has yet to come to life and it’s clear that you’re both having a good time. Cheers all around.

Your empty plates have been taken away, and your waiter has returned once more. He looks at both of you while you halt your conversation and asks, “Are either of you interested in dessert?”

Bam. A wave of uncertainty hits you in the face like a plate of falling spaghetti. You look at

your date, who is already staring at you intently, trying to get a read on what you want.

You can hear the thoughts colliding inside the walls of your head: He’s paying, so it would be rude to order another course. But maybe he wants dessert. What if he’s full? God, I’m still hungry, is he still hungry too? There’s non-fat yogurt in my fridge, I’ll just have that later. Unless Jennifer ate it. Oh God, he’s staring at me. Dessert. Do I want dessert? I don’t want to look greedy, so I’ll just say —“Yes, pl—”

“—No, thank you.”Disaster. You both try to recover through a

series of unintelligent babbles and gestures, ulti-mately deciding to share a bowl of mango sorbet. Your face is red and your hands are sweaty. You suddenly forget your date’s name and accidentally call him Steve while you knock over your water glass on your way to the restroom.

After a couple minutes of deep breathing, you emerge, confident that your great date is still sal-vageable. It’ll be a funny story to tell our future children, you say to yourself. When you return, your waiter, thoroughly amused by your table’s in-eptitude, is straddling the shattered glass on the f loor, clearly awaiting your return. He cocks his head and says coolly, “We’re all out of the mango sorbet, but we do have lemon and raspberry. Would you like to change your order?”

“Raspber—”“—Lemon.”Dating is hard.

Mackenzie Karbon is a freshman majoring in jazz per-formance.

Not-so-sweet dating fumble sours mood

By Mackenzie KarbonMackenzie KarbonCulture Columnist

PERSONAL FOCUS

BAD DATES EXIST, AND YOU WILL EXPERIENCE MANY IN

YOUR LIFE.

Silvana Arguello // Staff Illustrator

Page 7: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

October 26 - October 28, 2015 THE MIAMI HURRICANE EDGE 7

Latin Grammy Award winner draws diverse crowd, impresses audience

By Nadijah CampbellNadijah CampbellStaff Writer

A n audience of old, young, local and visiting attendees crowded the University of Miami’s Gusman Concert

Hall on Friday night for a serenading performance from singer-songwriter Natalia Lafourcade as a part of Festi-val Miami.

Lafourcade, a three-time Latin Grammy winner, is originally from Mexico. Her most recent album, “Has-ta la Raiz (To the Root),” debuted at No 1. on the Mexican sales charts.

According to Gusman Hall staff, more than 600 people attended the con-cert, traveling from across the U.S. and all around Florida for the event. The show attracted many students, both from universities in South Florida and from other states.

Minutes after seeing an Instagram post from Natalia Lafourcade, Sam Wood, a senior at Mercer University in Atlanta, purchased her tickets and said that she couldn’t have made a better de-cision.

“She’s very genuine with her lyrics and she adheres to the Mexican culture way more than other Mexican artists,” Wood said. “It’s a dream come true.”

Lafourcade kicked off the show with her song “Para que Sufrir (To Suf-fer)” after saying a few quick words of appreciation to the audience. Through-out the evening, other songs that La-fourcade performed included “En el 2000 (In 2000),” “No Mas Llorar (No More Crying)” and “Lo que Construi-mos (What We Built).”

As the pop-rock singer performed her set, the energy from the audience was contagious, with endless cheering, bobbing heads, tapping feet and sway-

ing to the beat during every song Lafour-cade played.

When she began to live-record songs using only a few repeated basic melodies, the crowd went wild.

“You’re amazing, girl!” one audience member shouted.

Lafourcade also brought meaning to the songs in her performance by explain-ing the origin of each new tune. She spoke of her travels in South America and of love and reconnecting with the universe.

At the end of the night, the audience cheered and chanted for Lafourcade, beg-ging her for an encore. Staying loyal to her fans, the singer returned to the stage and performed two more songs, “Maria Bonita” and “Nunca Es Suficiente.”

SNL’s Colin Jost talks aboutcareer as comedian, life as writer

By S Molly Dominick and Hallee MeltzerS Molly Dominick and Hallee MeltzerMultimedia Editor and Photo Editor

C olin Jost, writer and “Weekend Update” anchor for Saturday Night Live (SNL),

visited campus Thursday night for an evening of laughter at the Rathskeller, where he per-formed stand-up comedy.

After his performance, The Miami Hurricane had a chance

to chat with Jost to hear about his experience in com-edy.

The Miami Hurricane: In your stand-up, you talked a lot about things from Miami, but you’re not from Miami. How do you work that into your material?

Colin Jost: I like getting to a town a little bit early and walking, just seeing the town a little bit. So I came ear-lier today. I like acclimating myself … Think about, “What’s something funny I ran into?” Usually, it’s the kind of things that you run into if you live here or go to school here. You see the same weird things that I see as a tourist. That’s what I try to think of when I come.

TMH: Your set also included jokes that were more general. How do you pick what you’re going to say?

Jost: Some of it I will always do, some of it I’ll oc-casionally do and think, “This joke might be fun to try tonight; I haven’t tried this joke in a while.” So I did probably an hour tonight, and I might have two or three hours of material in general. Each night, I might mix it up and do different things and things that I think might be interesting to people.

TMH: Did you work on comedy in college? Where did you get started?

Jost: That’s what I mainly did in college … comedy writing. I wrote for this magazine called the “Harvard Lampoon,” and that was big for me, because that was a whole group of people who were all looking to do comedy. And I always think you’re better off getting into a group where everyone else wants to do the same thing and is kind of serious about it, even though they’re goofing around a lot… We all drove

each other to get better. It was kind of a healthy competition.

TMH: What inspired you to go from behind the camera to in front of the camera? How did that happen?

Jost: I had been performing for most of my life. So I did Speech and Debate all through high school and did a lot of plays, musical theater, and as soon as I started SNL, I started doing stand-up. So I al-ways wanted to do that, because I kind of missed it. For a while, I was writing. The job was so hard, writing, that I kind of went away from it for a few years ... So I did more and more and realized I want to be on camera, because that’s part of who I’ve always been. So it nice; it was kind of liberat-ing to do that.

TMH: What are you doing before you leave town?

Jost: I don’t know what I’m going to do tonight. I might see a friend who’s from here. He grew up here. Tomorrow, I’m trying to enjoy the warmth and sunshine and a pool while I can. Because when I go back, it’s kind of, like, over for a while. So I’m trying to do that. And if I’ll get some golf in, or some surfing, I’ll do it. But I don’t think that’s going to happen.

ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT

Erum Kidwai // Erum Kidwai // Staff Photographer Staff Photographer

INTERNATIONAL NAME: Three-t ime Lat in Grammy winner Nata l ia La fourcade per forms dur ing Fes t iva l M iami a t Gusman Concer t Ha l l Fr iday.

Hallee Meltzer // Hallee Meltzer // Photo EditorPhoto Editor

LAUGH OUT LOUD: The c rowd at the Rathske l le r en joys the comedy of Chr i s K i l l i an and Co l in Jos t dur ing A N ight o f Comedy wi th Co l in Jos t Thursday.

JOSTJOST

DESIGN BYDESIGN BY AMY MELTZER AMY MELTZER

Page 8: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

8 SPORTS THE MIAMI HURRICANE October 26 - October 28, 2015

Number of years the Miami Hurricanes have played football. Saturday’s 58-point defeat is the largest margin in the school’s history.

90SportsSports

T he University of Miami fired football Head Coach Al Golden on Sunday, one day after Clemson handed the Hurricanes a 58-0 shellacking that was the worst in the school’s history. Assistant Coach

Larry Scott will take over as the interim head coach for the rest of the season. He has served as the tight end coach and run game coordinator for the last three years.

“Obviously [this is] a tough day for me and the situation as an athletic director that you never want to have to deal with, but one that’s a reality,” said Miami athletics director Blake James in a teleconference call Sunday night. “I felt that going through yesterday’s game, my analysis was at a point that the end result has been identified and we weren’t where I felt we needed to be as a program, and I felt this was the right deci-sion.”

Golden was in his fifth season as the school’s head coach and had a record of 32-25, including two bowl game losses in 2013 and 2014. He was 4-3 this season.

“On behalf of my family, I want to thank the University of Miami for a tremendous opportunity,” Golden said in a press

release Sunday night. “I believe in what we are doing and how we are doing it, and we have some outstanding young men in our football program. Though this moment is difficult, we wish the Canes the best of luck going forward.”

Sunday’s announcement contradicted what James told South Florida Sun Sentinel reporter David Hyde after Satur-day’s game, when he said that no coaching change was com-ing, but that the loss was “disappointing” and that they would “go and get ready to play Duke.”

“Coach Golden has led our program through some very difficult times, and he has done so with class, integrity and a true desire to see our students succeed on the field, in the class-room and in the community,” James said in the press release. “However, we have a proud tradition of excellence at Miami, not just in football but in all sports, and we want to compete for ACC and national championships. I simply believe that now is the time to bring the Hurricane Family together and rally behind our young men.”

Calls for Golden’s firing were consistent throughout the first seven games of the season, with banners bearing the hashtag #FireAlGolden being flown over the team’s home games as well as the away games at Florida Atlantic and Cin-cinnati. The calls intensified after the 58-point loss to Clemson, including “Fire Golden” chants in the stands and complaints from famous football alumni like Warren Sapp and Leon Searcy after the game.

Scott, 38, becomes the 23rd head coach at UM. He played as an offensive tackle at the University of South Florida (USF) from 1997-99 and coached there for eight years before he came to Coral Gables. He spent time as the director of high school re-lations, tight end coach, offensive line coach and offensive as-sistant while at USF. Scott has never been a head coach before.

FOOTBALL

FOOTBALL

By William RigginWilliam RigginNews Editor

Golden fired after worst loss in school’s history

Joshua Gruber //Joshua Gruber // Contr ibut ing Photographer Contr ibut ing Photographer

LOST HOPE: Head Coach Al Golden appears defeated near the end of Satur-day’s loss to Clemson at Sun Life Stadium

W ith the dismissal of Al Golden, Larry Scott will take over as interim head coach of the Hurricanes football team. Scott was in his third sea-son as tight ends coach in Miami and added the title of run game coor-dinator prior to this season. The Florida native joined the Miami staff

on Feb. 25, 2013 and has never been a head coach before.“Larry was the best choice. It’s my job to identify the best person for the job and

I’m confident that’s Larry Scott,” said Miami Director of Athletics Blake James on a teleconference call on Sunday night. “Larry is our head coach for the next f ive weeks.

I’m confident he will make whatever changes he’ll need to do to give our student-athletes the best experience possible and to put our team in the best position to be successful in these games.”

Prior coming to Miami, Scott spent the previous eight seasons at the University of South Florida (USF) in a variety of roles. Scott started in 2005 as the director of high school relations, moved to a graduate assistant role in 2006, coached tight ends in 2007-08 and in 2010-11 with a stint as the offensive line coach in between and became an offensive assistant as well as running backs coach in 2012.

Scott was a strong recruiter in Miami-Dade and Broward Coun-ties during his time at USF. He presided over arguably the top recruit-

ing class in the school’s history in 2008, only to see the 2009 class blow that away with a No. 21 ranking in the country.

As tight ends coach at Miami in 2014, Scott’s unit combined for 52 receptions and 833 receiving yards. Scott’s main priority was coaching up Clive Walford, who had a breakout season in 2014 with a team-high 44 receptions. The Oakland Raiders selected Walford in the third round of the NFL Draft in 2015.

By Mark SingerMark SingerSports Editor

Larry Scott takes over as interim head coach for Hurricanes

SCOTT

Page 9: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

October 26 - October 28, 2015 THE MIAMI HURRICANE SPORTS 9

M any clamored for it and finally on Sunday night, the deed was done. After months of specula-tion, criticism and banners f ly-

ing in the sky, Al Golden was fired.The former Miami headman went just

32-25 and failed to pick up a signature win in his f ive years in Coral Gables. After the team suffered the program’s worst defeat ever in a 58-0 loss to Clemson, it was clear that Golden needed to go.

Golden should be commended for leading this football team through one of its most dif-f icult periods. On the football f ield, though, the results just weren’t there. Golden never beat Florida State, went 17-18 in a lackluster ACC and never beat a team that f inished the year ranked in the top 25.

After going 6-7, including a disappointing 24-21 loss to South Carolina in the Indepen-dence Bowl last season, many expected Gold-en to get the hook. Miami’s decision makers kept the staff together, though, giving them

one more year to try to get it right. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

Golden was pretty much put into a no-win situation considering his past results, the expectations and the tal-ent that was returning. Last year’s team had seven players drafted and another six sign with NFL teams as undrafted

free agents.Despite the tough spot Golden found him-

self in coming into the year, Saturday’s loss was the f inal straw. There are no excuses for a 58-0 loss, no matter who the opponent is. The team didn’t show up, the crowd was gone after the f irst half and Clemson didn’t even bother going into the locker room at halftime. The only word to describe it is embarrassing.

When the news of Golden’s dismissal came out on Sunday night, the Miami Twitter scene exploded at the announcement. While the right move was made, the next few months are extremely important to this program going forward.

Interim Head Coach Larry Scott by all re-ports seems to be well respected, and Canes fans will hope their former tight ends coach can incite an immediate turnaround, like for-mer tight ends coach and current interim head coach of the Miami Dolphins, Dan Campbell.

While it remains to be seen whether Scott is the man in the long term, for the moment, attention turns to the players. Coaching was clearly an issue, but the players have to be held accountable as well, and the spotlight will

hit them now that the scapegoat has been re-moved.

After the season, the possibilities of coaches who could take over are endless, but it is essential that the university make the cor-rect hire. That’s an obvious statement and is easier said than done, but the program has to right the wrongs of the last f ive years.

Whether it is a former Miami guy or a younger up-and-coming coach, the Canes need to allow the ones who made this team great back into the program. With Golden, former players were banned from the sidelines, removing the connection of all the tradition and legacy from the current players.

The coaching situation will settle itself in the coming months, and Hurricanes fans will be all over it as we move closer to the end of the season. The most important part of this process though may be what takes place in what’s left of the 2015 season.

The remaining games won’t have much meaning nationally or to rankings, but that’s not the point. The culture needs to change with this program before a new coach gets here, and that needs to start this Saturday at Duke.

The deed Miami fans have been waiting for for months has f inally happened. The page can now be turned and the future has more po-tential than it did 24 hours ago, but what hap-pens next could lay the foundation to bringing the program back to greatness.

While a new coach will likely come in with a new philosophy, new staff and new atti-tude, the Miami program rebuild begins now.

COMMENTARY

COMMENTARY

By Austin SapinAustin SapinStaff Writer

Miami can turn page after Golden firing

KRITOS VASILOUDES // SENIOR

“He needs to go ... 58-0? We used to be the best team in the country, like, not that long ago.”

Al Golden was just fi red. . .

CHAT

JACK KANE // SOPHOMORE

“I am ecstatic but at the same time, I’m a little worried as to the future of our program. I mean, it was clear that our team was not playing inspired and that our team was not behind Al Golden, but now it’s just a ques-tion of finding the right guy to replace him who’s going to get the players fired up and inspired.”

[]_[] CHATs are edited for clarity, brevity and accuracy.

D espite the promotion of Tight Ends Coach and Run Game Coordinator Larry Scott to interim head coach, Hurricane fans are still searching

for a viable long-term head coach.A common name that comes to the minds of

Canes fans is the familiar former Hurricanes Head Coach Butch Davis. Davis coached the Canes from 1995-2000 with an overall record of 51-20. He led the team to multiple bowl game appear-

ances, despite the flurry of sanctions surrounding the team throughout the Davis era.

Currently Davis is out of coaching and is in a position to accept a head-coaching job. Davis’s most recent job was as a special assistant for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2012. Although Davis returning to Miami may seem like a long shot, there is room for fans to be optimistic. In a 2014 interview with CBSSports, Davis said, “If [the UM head coach position] ever came open and people thought that I’d be the right choice, I certainly would be interested because we’ve always loved South Florida. I still live there.”

Davis is not the only potential head coach candidate. Mario Cristobal is currently the offen-sive line coach for the Alabama Crimson Tide, but has ties to the Miami area. He was the head coach at Florida International University (FIU) for seven seasons. During his tenure as FIU’s head coach, he developed a reputation as a strong recruiter, particularly from the South Florida area. He was able to nab FIU’s first ever ESPN top 150 recruit.

Additionally, his 2009 recruiting class consisted of 23 players, 20 of which were from the Florida area.

Cristobal has ties not only to South Florida, but also to UM. In January of 2013, he was hired as an associate head coach; however, he never coached a game for UM, accepting his current po-sition at Alabama just six weeks later.

UM alumnus Rob Chudzinski is another po-tential candidate for the position. He is currently an associate head coach for the Indianapolis Colts. He played tight end for the Hurricanes in the 1980s and was part of the 1987 and 1989 championship runs. Chudzinski began his coaching career with Canes in 1994 as a graduate assistant. He moved up the ranks, and he became the team’s offensive coordinator for the 2001 season, in which he was an integral part of Miami’s championship. In 2003, he left Miami for the NFL.

Regardless of who coaches the Hurricanes in 2016, fans hope that the team fares better than it did under Golden.

By Tej JoshiTej JoshiCopy Editor

Three head coach candidates Miami should consider

GOLDEN

Page 10: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

10 SPORTS THE MIAMI HURRICANE October 26 - October 28, 2015

J unior forward Gracie La-chowecki scored four goals for the

Hurricanes, but it was not enough. The team fell 5-4 to Boston College in over-time in Chestnut Hill, Mas-sachusetts on Sunday after-noon.

The Canes (5-11-0, 2-7-0) came out aggressive on offense in their f inal road game of the season as they got the f irst corner kick and shot on goal. However, it was the Eagles (11-6-1, 5-3-1) that capitalized on their f irst opportunity. In the seventh minute, junior for-ward Hayley Dowd scored, giving the Eagles an early 1-0 lead. The Canes then showed great resilience by coming back with an equal-izer just f ive minutes later. In the 12th minute of the match, Lachowecki scored her ninth goal of the season to tie the contest 1-1.

It was not long before Lachowecki struck again, recording her second goal of the game at the 22-min-ute mark of the match. Many athletes would have become complacent with two goals, but not La-chowecki. She recorded a hat trick by the 27th minute to give the Canes a com-fortable 3-1 lead in the f irst half. The Eagles came back to cut Miami’s lead to one while going into halftime when Dowd recorded her second goal of the match.

The Canes, Lachowecki in particular, didn’t skip a beat to open up the second half. Lachowecki put an in-credible fourth goal of the match into the back of the net in the 59th minute to regain a two-goal lead with nearly 30 minutes to play.

Unfortunately, this would be the last goal that the Canes scored for the day. In the 64th minute, junior forward McKenzie Meehan was fouled inside the box, resulting in a suc-cessful penalty kick that cut the lead to one.

The Canes played steady defense for most

of the rest of the half, but with their backs against the wall, the Eagles rose to the occasion. Freshman midfielder Gabby Carreiro scored the equalizer with just four minutes remain-ing, sending the game into overtime. In overtime, Bos-ton College capitalized on a corner kick when Meehan scored her second goal of the day to end the match.

After a tough loss, the Canes will look to end their regular season on a high note as they take on North Carolina at 7 p.m. Saturday at Cobb Stadium.

T he Hurricanes capped off a successful weekend of ACC play with a 3-0 win against Syracuse at the Knight Sports

Complex on Sunday afternoon. Miami (17-5, 7-3) also defeated Boston College 3-0 on Friday night.

The Canes held a steady lead through-out the majority of the first set, which they won 25-17, but grappled in the second set as an aggressive back-and-forth struggle ensued. The Canes eventually emerged victorious 26-24 and sealed the victory in the third set 25-17.

Senior outside hitter Taylor Scott de-livered a striking 19 kills, while senior li-bero Kalysta White excelled on defense with 17 digs.

Despite the aggressive play exhibited by both teams, the Canes and the Orange were unable to avoid a considerable amount of service errors in the match. Miami had seven, while Syracuse recorded 11.

The Canes had a rocky start in the first set with back-to-back attack and ser-vice errors giving Syracuse an early three-point lead. An impressive dig accompanied by a kill by senior middle blocker Alexis Mourning showed the Orange that the Canes were determined to steal their lead. Consecutive Syracuse violations followed by a Mourning ace gave the Canes the lead they had been searching for. They con-trolled the lead through the rest of the set, winning 25-17.

While Miami maintained a stable ad-vantage in the first set, Syracuse (13-7, 6-4) responded in the second, delivering an ag-gressive performance that kept fans on the edge of their seats. The Canes started off confidently with a kill by Scott, but after two attack errors by Miami, Syracuse took the lead. The Canes, however, would not be bullied and kept the set neck-to-neck until Syracuse took the lead once again by four points.

“In the middle, it was rough,” Scott said. “When you go into the game, you can’t let the score affect your play. You have to trust what you do and how you train.”

The Canes rose to the challenge and closed their deficit, ultimately winning 26-24.

Miami approached the court ready to finish the match in the third set with an outpouring of team spirit and high-fives. The team’s confidence transcended to the court, where they maintained the lead the entire set, closing out with a 25-17 win.

The Canes next play Virginia Tech at 7 p.m. on Friday in Blacksburg, Virginia.

SOCCER VOLLEYBALL

Matthew Trabold //Matthew Trabold // Staff Photographer Staff Photographer

KICKING IT: Gracie Lachowecki (17), seen here at the home game against North Florida in September, scored four goals in Miami’s 5-4 overtime loss to Boston College in Massachusetts on Sunday.

By Alyssa CruzAlyssa CruzContributing Sports WriterBy Cody BrownCody Brown

Contributing Sports Writer

Miami loses overtime thriller 5-4 to Boston College

Canes crush Syracuse Orange in aggressive close game

SUCCESSFUL SP IKE: The women’s vo l leyba l l team sweeps Syracuse wi th a 3-0 win . A lex i s Mourn ing (4) had seven k i l l s in th i s match .

Giancarlo Falconi //Giancarlo Falconi // Ass istant Photo Editor Ass istant Photo Editor

Page 11: The Miami Hurricane - Oct. 26, 2015

October 26 - October 28, 2015 THE MIAMI HURRICANE DEAR V 11

Apps for Spring Break Participants due 10/30

#JointheMovement

More info at miami.edu/studorgs/umab/

Dear V,Dear V,

I’ve got a beautiful girl-friend. She’s smart, sweet, funny … basically everything I could ask for. We’ve been together since freshman year and will be graduating in the spring. But something keeps happening. I’ve been trying to control it, but it’s gotten out of hand. I keep having inappropri-ate dreams about ... my girl-friend’s mom. I don’t know how to stop it or what’s causing it.

I love my girlfriend and don’t want anyone else. I think it’s just happening because I’ve been hanging around her folks a lot. Please help. I feel so un-comfortable around them now, but there’s no way to tell my girlfriend the truth of what’s going on. She’s already noticed I don’t like being at her house anymore and is frustrated be-cause I don’t have an explana-tion to give her.

What do I do to get all of this to stop? I’d love to hit the hay and keep my girl’s mom away.

Sincerely,Sincerely,Stacy’s BoyfriendStacy’s Boyfriend

Dear Stacy’s Boyfriend,Dear Stacy’s Boyfriend,

Wow – you’ve really gotten yourself between a rock and a hard place. Your choices are between being honest or coming up with a

reason to not be around your girl’s family as much as usual, both of which make you look like the worst boyfriend ever.

Obviously, don’t tell her the truth. I never condone lying, as most issues can be solved when both people involved are clear and honest with each other, but this case is truly an exception.

No matter how you explain it, your girlfriend will be disgusted if she knows what’s inspiring your naughty nighttimes. Do not tell her, even if you feel like being hon-est is the right thing to do. It’s not.

Let’s come up with the least offensive way to avoid your girl’s fam. How about joining a new club on campus with frequent meetings, perhaps? Or maybe you need to study for an exam that convenient-ly falls on the Monday following the weekend your girlfriend wants to spend with her ‘rents? You could even say that you feel like you’re not spending enough quality time with your own family and ditch your potential in-laws for a while.

Endure this rough patch in your snooze fests – perhaps try some NyQuil or Advil PM to knock you out before your REM can get raunchy. As long as you avoid your girl’s mom for a while, she should leave your subconscious. Remem-ber that dreams don’t hold any real meaning, but instead have random people in them. So try not to obsess over it too much. That’ll only make it worse. Seeing your girl’s mom less in real life should help your dreams become normal again – teeth falling out, standing naked in class and all.

Hey, maybe you’ll even see her in your nightmares next.

Good luck, and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

-V-V

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12 ADVERTISEMENT THE MIAMI HURRICANE October 26 - October 28, 2015

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