the "lost" transcript

8/14/2019 The "Lost" Transcript

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LINDELOF: Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, it is an honor.

BIDEN: Well, Mr. Lindelof, let me just tell you that I am a huge fan,really. Haven’t watched since season two, but you won’t find a biggerfan out there. I post on all the message boards. Most of my, uh,

vaunted foreign policy experience comes from what I’ve heard Sayidsay about Afghanistan.

LINDELOF: You mean Iraq.

BIDEN: Right, right. Iraq. So similar those two, and now with Pakistanand Yemen…

OBAMA: Joe—

BIDEN: Right, yes sir. (Clears throat) On behalf of the White House I am

pleased you agreed to this consider this compromise. I think you’ll likewhat we have in mind.

LINDELOF: I certainly hope so.

BIDEN: Okay, so our main focus for the address this year is theeconomy. How are the characters doing in these tough times?

LINDELOF: Well, most of them are actually trapped in the past rightnow.

BIDEN: Do they have jobs?

LINDELOF: Yeah, I guess. They work for the Dharma Initiative.

BIDEN: That’s the science group? Good, good. Science is important. Nounapproved stem cell lines or anything like that?

LINDELOF: No. Just time travel. Time travel and polar bears.

BIDEN: How are the roads on the island? Can we patch them up withstimulus funding? Employ a few of those lazy-bones survivors? Haha!

LINDELOF: Sir, they’re living in the 70s.

BIDEN: Listen, if humans and an island can time travel, are you goingto tell Americans their valuable tax dollars can’t do the same?

LINDELOF: No, sir.



publicity nightmare for the TSA.

LINDELOF: Fans would notice.

BIDEN: Really?

LINDELOF: Really.

BIDEN: But they didn’t care when you forgot about that black horseKate kept seeing, did they?

LINDELOF: Listen, that black horse is coming back. More than I can sayfor your public option.

BIDEN: How about Walt’s magic powers?

LINDELOF: And education reform?

BIDEN: Random hieroglyphics?

LINDELOF: Immigration?

BIDEN: We have other things on our plate!

LINDELOF: So do we!

(Silence)

BIDEN: Mr. Lindelof, I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I’m sorry. Justcrazy Joe over here, you know, flapping his jaws.

LINDELOF: Listen, I don’t know if this is going to work out.

BIDEN: Give me one more chance. Just hear me out on this one. I knowWidmore or Jacob’s nemesis or whoever is the villain now. But whatabout the Others? Aren’t we letting them off the hook too easily? Imean, the good guys inherited the hatch and all their problems fromthe Others, right?

LINDELOF: Things have changed. Everything blew up and kind of wentto hell. Now the island is their responsibility.

BIDEN: Yeah… that’s what they keep saying…

LINDELOF: I’m sorry?



BIDEN: Oh, nothing. Don’t mind us. We’ll take our things and go. Thankyou for your time. I’m sorry things didn’t work out.

LINDELOF: Me too.

(Ruffling noises, a door opens)

OBAMA: Damon?

LINDELOF: Uh, yes Mr. President?

OBAMA: The four-toed statue…

LINDELOF: Sir, that’s classified.

the "lost" transcript

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