the king's men 22nd jan 2011

8/6/2019 The King's men 22nd Jan 2011

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Why a Mens Fellowship? Albert Okoye


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Ov er the last 20 years 38% of belie v ing menleft the church.

For men aged under 30, nearly 50% left inthe same period of time.

In 30 years time there could be zero men leftin church communities in the UK .

Church membership across the UK- official statistic = 60% women to 40% men-anecdotally = 70:30.


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O ut of the 26 million men in the UK only0.9% attend church regularly.

Most men completely by-pass church.They see it as a place that according to aBBC radio sur v ey is for wimps, womenand irrele v ant!


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Men arent good at small talk.

They dont form trusting relationships as

fast and as easily as women.

when a woman walks into a room she

looks for people to talk with and relateto. When a man walks into a room he isplotting his escape strategy and lookingfor the exit door!


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S o men need a forum and a place toforge good strong friendships which o v er

time will become open enough forcon v ersation about stuff other than whatthey do for work or the football etc.

If this isnt encouraged most men will gointo a default loner mode


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Men seek ad v enture and challenge and whilst lo v e and compassion are importanttraits for men, the wild and ad v enturousaspects of their personalities can becompletely star v ed in church.

So we need to create an en

vironment thatmakes the Christian faith acc essible to

the a v erage UK man and church a pl ac eworth h au ling themselves o u t of bed for.


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Men need to be in a band of brothers. Go awayonce a year for a weekend or once a month to agathering.

Men need encouragement to form friendshipsand wont feel safe talking about the things ontheir hearts in a mixed en v ironment. Hence theimportance of mens groups.

O n a v erage it takes o v er 5 years from point of

first hearing the gospel for a man to come tofaith. Men may not be outwardly demonstrati v e or

emotional. But it doesnt mean they arentengaged at quite a deep le v el.


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Men almost ne v er talk to other men aboutfeelings because doing so means

unlearning a lifetime of defensi v

e andaggressi v e posturing--the silent sizing upof the other, the camouflaging of spiritand soul bequeathed to us bygenerations of men who went to work and

went to war and didn't want to talk aboutit, thank you v ery much.


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S ixty of us ages 22 to 75, married, singleand di v orced, meet e v ery month...tempting as it might be, we don't talkabout sports, business or politics.Instead, we' v e talked about our fathers,

workaholism, marriage, women and sex.

We are plunging into new, uncharted waters for most of us--we are sharing ourstories. We talked about ourrelationships with women.


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We said things we could ne v er say with women in the room and yet, things weha v e ne v er shared with any man. Things

about how painful and muddy ourmarriages sometimes become. About thesex we are not ha v ing. About the

workaholism we inherited from our

fathers. About the burn out we feel athome and at work. We talk about growingold--the diabetes, the heart attacks, theprostate cancer.


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By forcing oursel v es to confront thethings all men experience but rarelydiscuss, we' v e achie v ed the greatestsuccess of all. We are slowly beginning totalk to each other, to understand each

other and be understood oursel v es.


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Men ha v e ne v er been v ery good at it, but we are learning to unbuckle our

emotional armour. We tell our stories and we tell the truth, re v ealing just howfragile and strong we are as men . We arebecoming the ... rightful heirs;sanctifying time and place, piercing themighty silence of manhood--God'sloneliest creatures no longer.


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The wide v ariety of masculine ideals of numerous past cultures ha v e all but v anished. Gone is the pre-modern man... who was steeped in family, land,community, and religion.

The traditional masculine traits of generati v ity, stewardship generosity,teaching, husbandry, honour and e v enad v enture are v irtually ignored.


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These traits ha v e been largely replaced byself-interest, efficiency, power-seeking,promiscuity, greed, insensiti v ity,

competition, manipulation , and thenumerous other characteristics consistentlylisted as emblems of modern masculinity.

Assuming these current characteristics tobe the basis of masculinity ine v itably leadsto the degradation of men and an historic, if hidden, crisis in sustaining a wide v iableand generati v e concept of masculinity itself


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E specially as we get older, we find itmore difficult to change. We stick inzones of safety - sometimes e v en ourcircle of friends shrinks, as we shy awayfrom new relationships. Women don'tseem to relate in the same way. That may

be why there are more of them in Church.


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S ome men are not great con v ersationstarters, and they struggle with shallowtalk about the weather, their jobs andsport, just waiting for the chance to getaway. Yet there is no such thing as a"Robinson Crusoe" Christian. We needeach other for encouragement to push onand Church, whether it be in a mock-Gothic stone building, or a weatherboardhall - is the place to get it.


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D ont mistake a lack of o u tw a rd enthusiasm for the things of God for alack of interest. Men just communicate

enthusiasm v

ery differently. We ha v e a need /an immense capacity

for self-sacrifice.

Were happier when we culti v ate v irtue -acting for someones benefit other thanour own family; wife, Church etc


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A man's pride tells him to journey alone.

A man's heart tells him to remain quiet. A man's mind tells him nobody will

understand.

A man's emotions tell him to keep it undercontrol.


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Men today still look for robust and strongen v ironments to forge friendships. Theymay not express it like this but men reallydo desire authentic relationship. Men wanta band of brothers that they can standshoulder to shoulder with. S o, they go to thepub, the match, curry house or the lodge

meeting! Being blunt about it. men dontexpect to find a band of brothers in aChurch, so they just dont look there!


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When you walk through the door you geta bit of paper sho v ed in your hand and a

hand shake from a stranger. Nearly e v eryone smiles when they look

at you and will expect you to smile backand engage in small talk.


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Then you ha v e to sit still during a talk andsing songs about a man called Jesusbeing your lo v er and wrapping his armsaround you as you surrender e v erythingto Him.

And then right after you ha v e anothersmall talk session.


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When you consider that the v erbalreasoning part of a mans brain is smaller

than a womans and as a result struggles with small talk and also finds expressionsof emotions in front of strangers a bittricky, its no wonder that 49% of menaged between 20-29 left the church o v erthe last 20 years!


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Church culture can... be quite feminineand therefore difficult for many men to get

to grips with - Lots of childrens pictures,flowers and banners.

Then there is the worship. S ongs are oftenabout feelings and subjecti v e .


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We talk of Jesus being our lo v er when men want a leader and a captain.

We talk of s u

rrender which carriesconnotations of defeat (and is onlymentioned in the Bible in those terms!) But,men will bend the knee and s u bmit to ahigher authority!

Men dont like to get too close too soon yet we think it really helpful to break into smallgroups or say grace whilst looking intoeach others eyes.


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Men want leadership whilst the churchpro v ides pastoring.

Men lo v e to declare objecti v e truth aboutGod and yet we sing about our feelings.

Men want to be challenged yet we wrapthe gospel up in fluff.


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S tatus and success are of hugesignificance to many men, which is whytheir work is of such importance. Yetchurch rarely, if e v er tackles workplaceissues head on.

You could easily attend most churches foryears and come to the conclusion thatGod isnt interested in what happens 9-5at all! But where does that lea v e men?


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No other religion suffers the enormousgender gaps that plague Christianity.

The churchs gender gap is often in v isiblebecause the top tier of church leadership isstill hea v ily male. Ov er 90% of Protestantpastors and 100% of Catholic priests are male.T he modern c h u r c h is a n a rmy of women led

by a few m a le gener a ls. Leon Podles


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Men are being spiritually star v ed inchurch and they are v oting with their

feet! The decline in male attendance atchurch is almost terminal. Belie v ingmen are switching off to church at anincredible rate of knots. We desperatelyneed churches to engage with men onthe real issues they face.


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Its not just attendance where men trail women. Men are less likely to lead, v olunteer and gi v e in the church. They

pray less, share their faith less and readthe Bible less.

The men who do go to church seempassi v e and bored. Its often impossibleto get c h u r c hgoing men to do anythingother than attend ser v ices.


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O ur fathers and grandfathers hadinstitutions to culti v ate their v irtue forthem: the Church, the Army, earlymarriage, a lifelong cumulati v e careerbuilding towards expertise and respect, atrade union, a political cause, an

extended family network. S uch bondsha v e either been loosened or are gone.


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There are a few places left-- sports bars,strip joints and hunting trips. But men don'treally go to these places to be with other

men in meaningful ways; they go there toget away from women. These few remainingarenas of male exclusi v ity are mostly placesconduci v e to piggish oinking or passi v e

spectating. We sit in stadiums by thehundreds of thousands, week after week, watching but not talking--at least not aboutanything that matters.


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In loosing their access to these institutionsand beliefs, men lost something else too:the company of other-like minded men.

Many of us only socialise with ourpartners or not at all.

All-female socialising is commonplace,all-male socialising much less so . (Amit Lennon;The Times Magazine)


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Research is clear: the bigger your manshortage, the more likely your church isin decline.

The denominations with the largestgender gaps are also those that arelosing the most members.


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Men need the church but moreimportant, the church needs men. Thepresence of enthusiastic men is one of the surest predictors of church health,growth, gi v ing and expansion.Meanwhile, a man shortage is a sure sign

of congregational paralysis and decline.


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The presence of enthusiastic male worshipers is statistically associated withthe following outcomes:

Congregational growth Congregational health Unity in the church Increased gi v ing Retention of young men and women


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According to a study from HartfordS eminary:

Gender-balanced congregations arethree times as likely to be growing asfemale-dominated churches.

The presence of in v ol v ed men wasstatistically correlated with Churchgrowth, health, and harmony. Meanwhile,a lack of male participation is stronglyassociated with congregational decline


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Jesus showed us how to grow a healthychurch: focus on men first . Christ lo v ed

women and children, but he spent mostof his time and energy de v eloping ahandful of men. He knew a truth we v eforgotten: if you transform men, youtransform the family, the community andthe society.

D raw a man to church, and you often getthe family in the bargain.


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Churchgoers are more likely to bemarried and express a higher le v el of satisfaction with life.

Church in v ol v ement is the mostimportant predictor of marital stabilityand happiness.

Church in v ol v ement mo v es people out of po v erty. Its also correlated with lessdepression, more self-esteem andgreater family and marital happiness.


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Religious participation leads men tobecome more engaged husbands andfathers.

Teens with religious fathers are morelikely to say they enjoy spending time

with dad and that they admire him.


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Guys who meet frequently, care about thespiritual welfare of other men in thebody, and who can talk honestly abouttheir struggles, make steady progresspersonally, spiritually and relationally.

S ecrets lose their power as God's menbecome God's presence and deli v erGod's pro v ision for indi v iduals


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Men's Ministry is the acti v e pursuit of men in order to connect them to God, HisWord, and other men for the purpose of

winning, growing, and training God's manin Christ.


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Filling Teach how to study the Bible

Training - Regular/weekly biblical instruction (1Thess 2:13).

Practicing - how to apply God's Word to all areasof life

Uniting - makes it a priority to connect with other

men at least two times a month S ur v i v ing - learns to address major life

temptations and/or crises


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Reaching - gets in v ol v ed in some form of men's ministry based on his gifts andtalents.

Impacting - man in v ests time andresources into the li v es of other men

S haring - man learns to acti v ely share hisfaith in order to lead others into apersonal relationship with Jesus Christ


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Personal ownership O bedience Urgency and Passing it on to others.


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D ates Topics Time of meeting S

peakers Internal/ E xternal Collaborati v e

working localChurches

Attend one E xternalMens Conference

Aim to O rganise Conf in two years

Vary meetings v

enue; acti v

ities;time. Vary Venue other

Churches; Hotels etc Joint meeting with

Youths Bring unbelie v ing

friend


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22 January

05 March

16 April

4 th June

16 July

10 S eptember

29 O ctober

10 D ecember

the king's men 22nd jan 2011

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