MorepraiseforTheEnergyofMoney

“Maria Nemeth’s The Energy of Money is a compassionate and empoweringbook, filled with both practical exercises and philosophical insight. It willenhance the journey to financialwholeness for themillionsofAmericanswhohave been seeking a better game than ‘more.’Nemeth’s roadmap is detailed,explicit,interactive,thorough,andeasytoread.”

—VickiRobinCoauthorwithJoeDominguezoftheNewYorkTimesbestsellerYourMoneyorYourLife

“TheEnergyofMoneyisempoweringandexciting.Anyonewhohaseverbeenconcernedaboutmoneywillfindboththecauseoftheproblemandthesolutionin these pages. I thoroughly enjoyed the practical and eye-opening exercisesthroughout the book. They are very effective at getting to the heart of ourrelationshipwithmoneyandhealingit.”

—ChristianeNorthrup,M.D.AuthorofthenationalbestsellerWomen’sBodies,Women’sWisdom

ABallantineWellspring™BookPublishedbyTheBallantinePublishingGroup

Copyright©1997,1999byMariaNemeth,Ph.D.

AllrightsreservedunderInternationalandPan-AmericanCopyrightConventions.PublishedintheUnitedStatesbyTheBallantinePublishingGroup,adivisionofRandomHouse,Inc.,NewYork,andsimultaneouslyin

CanadabyRandomHouseofCanadaLimited,Toronto.

Ballantineisaregisteredtrademark,andBallantineWellspringandtheBallantineWellspringcolophonaretrademarksofRandomHouse,Inc.

PortionsofthisworkoriginallyappearedinYouandMoney,publishedbyVildehiyaPublicationsin1997,andinanaudiocassettecoursetitledTheEnergy

ofMoney,publishedbySoundsTruein1997.

Gratefulacknowledgmentismadetothefollowingforpermissiontoreprintpreviouslypublishedmaterial:

CrownPublishers,adivisionofRandomHouse,Inc.:excerptfromSilence,Simplicity,andSolitude:AGuideforSpiritualRetreatbyDavidHannoch

Cooper.Copyright©1992byDavidHanochCooper.

Doubleday,adivisionofRandomHouse,Inc.:excerptfromTheStoryofPsychologybyMortonHunt.HarperCollinsPublishers,Inc.:excerptfromThe

EnlightenedMindbyStephenMitchell.Copyright©1991byStephenMitchell.

HarperCollinsPublishers,Inc.,andRigpaFellowship:excerptsfromTheTibetanBookofLivingandDyingbySogyalRinpoche.Copyright©1992,1993

byRigpaFellowship.

AlfredAKnopf,Inc.:excerptfromDeathComesfortheArchbishopbyWillaCather.Copyright©1927byWillaCather.Copyrightrenewed1955bythe

ExecutorsoftheEstateofWillaCather.

RandomHouse,Inc.:excerptfromLetterstoaYoungPoetbyRainerMariaRilke,translatedbyStephenMitchell.Copyright©1982byStephenMitchell.

ShambhalaPublications,Inc.,Boston:excerptfromTheWisdomofNoEscapebyPemaChödrön.Copyright©1991.

W.W.Norton&Company,Inc.:excerptfromATheoryofPersonality:ThePsychologyofPersonalConstructsbyGeorgeA.Kelly.Copyright©1955,1963

byGeorgeA.Kelly,renewed1983,1991byGladysKelly.ReprintedbypermissionofW.W.Norton&Company,Inc.

http://www.randomhouse.com/BB/

LibraryofCongressCardNumber:99-91878

eISBN:978-0-307-77604-4

v3.1

ToRitaandAuntAnna

CONTENTS

Cover

TitlePage

Copyright

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

WhatIstheEnergyofMoney?

PARTI:THEHERO’SPURPOSEPrinciple1:YourGreatestPowerIstoBeWillingPrinciple2:YourIntentionsandIntegrityHarnesstheEnergyofMoneyPrinciple3:GoalsFocusYourMoneyEnergy

PART II: IDENTIFYING THE INNER BLOCKS TOPROGRESS

Principle4:DrivenBehaviorWastesMoneyEnergyPrinciple5:ScarcityIsOneofYourGreatestTeachersPrinciple6:TransformingInnerBlocksLiberatesMoneyEnergy

PARTIII:CLEARINGTHEPATHPrinciple7:ReleasingOldBeliefsBringsMiraclesPrinciple8:ForgivenessUnleashesMoneyEnergyPrinciple9:MakingandKeepingPromisesMovesYouAlongYourPath

PARTIV:STAYINGTHECOURSEPrinciple10:ObstaclesCanLeadtoBreakthroughsPrinciple11:MutualSupportIncreasesYourPowerPrinciple12:TheGatewaytoAbundanceIsGratitude

Epilogue

AbouttheAuthor

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Nothingiscreatedwithoutthesupportofothers,especiallyanythingthatmovestheheartandeducatesthesoul.Weallseektomakeacontributiontothelivesofthosearoundus.Soitiswiththisbookandtheworkfromwhichitderives.ThousandsofparticipantsoftheYouandMoneyCoursehavecontributedto

clarifying the concepts and insights contained here. For years this work hasspreadbywordofmouth.Inaleapoffaith,TamiSimonfromSoundsTrue,thepremierpurveyoroftransformationaltapes,providednationalexposuretotheseideasbyproducingtheEnergyofMoneytapeseries.JenniferWoodhull,SoundsTruetalentscoutandproducer,madetheintroduction.ImetJenniferataPemaChödrönmeditation retreat. Iwent to theSoundsTruestudioandsat for threedays ina small sound recording room,while foodwas shovedunder thedoor.Tami’sskillfulquestioningallowedmetotaketheYouandMoneymaterialmoreintoitspresentconceptualframework.Tami introduced me to KimWitherspoon, an intrepid and persistent agent,

whodecidedtotakemeon.Iamsograteful.Tamiwasright:sheisoneofthemost brilliant people around. Thanks to her and the staff at WitherspoonAssociates,GideonWeil and JoshGreenhut, for holdingmyhand through theprocess of negotiating our way with publishers to a final contract withBallantine.Thanksalsotomyliteraryattorney,LaurieEmerson,wholookedoutaftermyinterestseverystepoftheway.I couldn’t have asked for a better editor than LeslieMeredith at Ballantine

Wellspring. The project was on such a tight timeline. We laughed, gasped,worried, and rejoiced together.Andalways shehadfaith thatwe’dget it done.She kept me going. Cathy Elliott, her assistant, was always available for myconcernsandquestions.Thanks to Rhoda McKnight and Margarita Camarena for their generosity,

creativity,andpersistenceinworkingontheillustrations.ThisbookandtheYouandMoneyworkhasgottenalotofspiritualsupport.

Thanks to Reverend Wayne Manning, Reverend Mary Tumpkin, ReverendDiane Sickler, andReverend Shay St. John. Special thanks tomy best friend,Reverend Beth Ann Suggs, who has always helped me to keep true to myspiritualcenter.Three people helped me write this book: Rita Saenz, Carol Costello, and

DonnaFrazier.First,IwanttothankRita.Shehasbeenmybusinesspartnerfortwenty-two years and has heldmy kite string.None of thisworkwould havebeenpossiblewithoutherbrilliance,courage,compassion,andfaithinme.ShehasalwaysknownwhoIam,evenwhenIforget.Sheisatruemanifestationofabundanceinmylife.Carol Costello, editor extraordinaire, incisive writer, true friend, gifted

thinker,helpedbringprecision to thismanuscript.She jumpedinwithagentlehand,helpedmeseparateeverythingthatthebookwasnot,therebyleavingtheprinciplesintheirpristineform.DonnaFrazier,editoronthefirstphaseofthisbook,helpedmegiveitform.

Herconsistency,creativity,andguidancewereinvaluableinhelpingmeclarifytheTwelvePrinciples.Therewouldalsohavebeennobookwithoutthesupportofpeoplewhowere

eager to lendahand inacompassionateandempoweringway.First,CharlotteHiggins, a busy author, actor, and playwright, and coach, helpedme keepmypromises inwriting thismanuscript, andnevergaveuponme.WendyJordan,through her generosity, has continued to support thiswork. Thanks to SharonTaymorforenthusiasticencouragementingettingthisbookpublished.Ideeplyappreciate Lori Pelliccia and Walter Steinlauf for all the time they put intoreasearchandcopyeditingforthebook.MydeepgratitudetoalltheSacramento,San Francisco BayArea, and Austin You andMoney coaches for all they’vedonetokeepthisworkgoing.Finally,tomyfamily,whohasalwayssustainedme,Ioweadebtofgratitude.

Thankyouforyourlove:AuntGloria,UncleArnold,Lisa,Chuck,RachaelandBeaSimon;Susie andAndreaSaenz;Bruce, Judy,Margot, andNatalieParks;NancyandRobertDeCandia;ToniandJerryYaffe.

Money is anuncomfortable subject formostofus.Manypeoplewould rathertalkabouttheirsexlivesthanabouttheirbankbalance.Welovemoney,andwehateit.Wecan’tlivewithit,andwecan’tlivewithoutit.Moneycanbeasourceofgreat joyandcreativity,or itcanbringfrustrationandmisery,dependingonour relationship with it. And we bring all these doubts and fears, hopes andexpectationswithuseverytimewedealwithmoney—notjustwhenwevisitafinancialplanneroraloanofficer,butineveryareaofourlives.Money touches almost every aspect of living: work, leisure time, creative

activities,home,family,andspiritualpursuits.Everythingwedoanddreamofisaffected by our relationshipwith this powerful form of energy.Whether yourdreamistotravelaroundtheworld,payforahouse,establishafoodbank,buyaCorvette, get out fromunder amountainofdebt, or take ayearoff towrite anovel,thatvisionisintertwinedwiththepossibilitiesandpitfallsboundupintheenergyofmoney.Thisverydiscomfortiswhatmakesourrelationshipwithmoneysuchfertile

ground.Whatever is potent for us,whatever elicits strong emotions,whateverseems to “hold on to us” in life has the power to bring forth our greateststrengthsandmostremarkablequalities.Ourrelationshipwithmoneycallsonustowakeup,toseehowwearehandlingallkindsofenergy—notonlymoneybuttime,physicalvitality,enjoyment,creativity,andthesupportoffriends—andtousethoselessonstoenricheveryaspectofourlives.

THEHERO’SJOURNEY

Inmytwenty-fiveyearsasaclinicalpsychologistandseventeenyearsofleadingtheYouandMoneyCourse,Ihavebeeninspiredbyhowwillingpeoplearetolearnandapplytheselessonsinwaysthatenrichtheirownlivesandcontributetoothers’. In fact, Ihavecome to seeour relationshipwithmoneyasahero’sjourney.Itisapathfraughtwithtrialsandtriumphs,tribulationsandtreasure.Thehero’sjourneyisoftenthoughtofasaclassic“comingofage”story.We

allundergosuchajourney,consciouslyorunconsciously,inourindividuallives.Andweallgothroughthesamebasicstagesofthisjourneyasweundertakenewpursuits and goals throughout our lives:we depart from our familiar routines,lives, or families; we enter into unknown territory where we encounter fears,mysteries, dragons, and mentors; we are initiated into new understandings,pursuits, or skills; and, finally, we gain mastery over our newfound skills,ourselves,andourparticularpartoftheworld.The hero’s journey calls on us to bring forth the power of “being,” which

Webster’s defines as “the complex of spiritual qualities that constitutes anindividual.”Inworkingwiththeenergyofmoney,wethinkofourbeingasthatineffable, indescribable part of us that remains constant and courageous,regardless of what is happening around us. The power of being emerges inmomentsofextraordinaryinsightorheroism.Itisourauthenticself,theessenceofwhowe are, apart from our personality traits or the drama that sometimessurroundsourlives.Theherostrivestobringthequalitiesofbeingtowhateverhedoes, includinghis relationshipwithmoney.Workingwithmoney from thesource of your true being will give you power and ease and a sense ofinterconnectedness.Themaingoalofthehero’sjourneyistomakeyourdreamsaphysicalreality

—andtolearnfromallthechallengesalongtheway.Indoingthis,weseeandappreciateourowntruenaturemoreclearly—whichiswhereourdreamscomefrom—and we share ourselves and our accomplishments as a contribution toothers.Ibelievethatthisisthepurposeofbeinghuman.In this book, you will discover that you are a hero—and you will start

bringing those natural strengths and virtues to your relationship with money.You’llbeabletodothethingsyou’vealwayswantedtodo,andbringforthandrefine—orredefine—yourpurposeinlife.

Wewill layout the exact route to a powerful relationshipwithmoney.Youwill seehow tobringyourgoals anddreams intophysical reality, andhow togroundthemintheLife’sIntentionsandStandardsofIntegritythatreflectwhoyou really are. Ultimately, this book is about the richness and fulfillment oflivinglifeasahero’sjourney.IntheYouandMoneyCourse,I’vecoachedmorethan4,500people toward

breakthroughs in their relationship with money. One by one, I’ve held eachperson’s hand as he or she stood in front of a group, took a deep breath, andbegantalkingabouthisorhermoneylifeandmonthlytake-homepay.Thiswasdesperately uncomfortable for some, but these people had a vision forthemselves. They realized that they had achieved certain goals, and some hadcomea longway fromwhere theybegan,but theyalso sensed that somethingwaskeeping themfromgoingfurther.Theyallhad intentionsanddreams,andthedesiretoknowthattheyhadmadeadifference.TheyhadinnerStandardsofIntegrity,eveniftheyhadtemporarilylostsightofthem,andtheywerewillingto experience the momentary discomfort of revealing themselves and theirconcernstothegroupifitmighthelpthemexperiencemiracles.Ihaveworkedwithpeopleineverywalkoflife,wealthymenandwomenand

those on welfare, as they grappled with their relationship with money. I sawthemlookathowtheyhadbeen“shootingthemselvesinthefoot,”atwheretheyhadstoppedthemselves in thepast,andatwhat theycoulddo tokeepmovingforwardtowardtheirgoalsanddreamsdespitegreatdiscomfort.Isawthesepeoplesucceedatbringingtheirdreamsintorealitywitheaseand

joy-building a business that contributed to the community, getting their pilot’slicense, having an art exhibit or publishing the book they’d alwayswanted towrite, taking their children on a vacation, being a successful entrepreneur.Finally,Iwatchedthemseethemselvesclearly,sometimesforthefirsttime,andexperiencethemselvesascourageous,wise,loving,powerful,andcompassionateindividualswhohadlearnedtoreleaseandusetheenergyofmoney.Thisjourneyalwaysbeganwithbeingwillingtolookwithin,andthentobring

forthintophysicalrealitythatwhichhadheartandmeaning.Thesepeoplehaveinspiredme,andshownmewhatwasimportantinmyownlife.Theyhavealsopointedmetocertainquestions,andoneoftheseis:Whyisitthatwedon’tusealltheinformationandresourcesavailabletoustoachievewhatwewantinlife?

KNOWLEDGE+WISDOM=POWER

Today, we are surrounded as never before by all manner of information,knowledge, and advice—but something stops us fromusing it.Haveyou everread a financialmagazine or gone to amoney-management seminar, but thendidn’tputallthatgoodadvicetouseinyourlife?Asonewomansaid,“Ihavesome of theworld’s greatestmoney books sitting onmy nightstand gatheringdust. I wish I could close my eyes and absorb them all through osmosis orsomething.Ineverseemtodoanythingwiththeinformation.”Acquiringinformationandadviceabouthowtomanageorinvestourmoney

is easy. The trick is to act on the information, to do something that improvesyour life and the lives of those you love. That’swhatwielding the energy ofmoneyisallabout.Thewomanwiththestackofunusedbudgetandinvestmentbookswasnot experiencing apowerful relationshipwithmoney.Her situationhad nothing to do with her skills, talents, ability, or intelligence. It hadeverything to do with her own personal money obstacles—obstacles that sheeventuallyclearedawayusingtheprinciplesinthisbook.Ifyoucouldtakealltheinformationavailableandputittoworkinyourlife—

ifyoucouldtranslateallthatknowledgeintobehavior—wouldyoudoit?AllofmyworkasaclinicalpsychologistandintheYouandMoneyCourse

has been aimed at giving people the tools both to use all the information andknowledgeavailable,andtoaccesstheirowninnerwisdom—becauseIbelievethatknowledgepluswisdomequalspower.

USINGTHEENERGYOFMONEY

Touse theenergyofmoneysuccessfully,youneed tooperate inbothphysicalreality and the metaphysical reality made up of, among other things, dreams,visions,andyourLife’sIntentions.Our innervisions inspireus,butwecan’tbecontentmerely to“metafizzle”

ourideaswithouttakinganyactionintherealworld.IcandreamforeverabouttakingatriptoParis,butnothingwillhappenuntilIcallthetravelagent,bookaticket,gototheairport,andgatherthefundstopayforallthis.IfIdon’tdothesethingsinphysicalreality,thatgoalofaParistripwilllanguishonmy“wishlist”forever,thesubjectofendlesstalkswithfriendsandperhapsevendiscussionsofhowI limitmyself.Psychological insight,positive thinking,andreading travelbrochuresmayhelpmeclarifywhatIreallywant,butonlytheenergyofmoneywillhelpmegetontheplane.HowdoImakeithappenwithease?AndhowdoIapplythelessonsIlearnin

myrelationshipwithmoneytoallotherareasofmylife?Thatisthesubjectofthisbook.I promise thatwhenyou learn towork freely and easilywith the energyof

money, your life will become what psychologists and counselors call“intentionally”satisfying.Youwillknowpreciselywhatyouwant,whatbringsyoujoyandmeaning,andyouwillseehowtogetitwithease.Itwillnotbeahit-or-miss proposition. For example, when you understand your true Life’sIntentions, apply your personalStandards of Integrity, and learn to release theenergy of money within your company, you will do business differently andprobablywithgreatersuccess.Youwillmaketheimportantdecisionsinyourlifeconsciously,neveragainabandoningyourdreamsbydefaultbecauseyou“can’taffordthem.”Inthesepages,Iwon’tbetellingyouhowtoinvestyourmoney,orwhereto

putyoursavings.Instead,Iwillhelpyouclarifywhatyoureallywantoutoflifeandgiveyouthe tools toactpowerfullywhenyouusemoneytomovetowardthosedreams.

MYOWNSTORY

Ifyouhadaskedmetotalkaboutmyrelationshipwithmoneyseventeenyearsago, I would have been mortified. That year, I gambled and lost. I invested$35,000onanunsecuredpromissorynotetoamanIhadknownforsixmonths.Itwasn’tevenmyownmoney.Ihadborroweditfromafamilymember.Theman towhom I loaned thismoney promised Iwould get a 30 percent

returnonmy investment.Themoneywas supposed tobeused tomake short-term loans to buyerswho needed to close real estate escrows. Itwas a fraud.There were no escrows, and within a few months all the investors losteverything.Likemanyofyou,Ihadreadinvestmentbooksandattendedmoneyseminars.

Ihada financially soundprivatepracticeasaclinicalpsychologist.But in thecaseofthis$35,000investment,whatIknewdidn’tinfluencemybehavior.WhenI lost themoney,Ifelt terrible.Ihavesincerepaidmyrelative,butat

thetimeIstillfeltstupid.Itwasbadenoughtohavelostthemoney,andequallyhumiliatingnot tohave listened tomyfriends,who toldme to reconsider, thatthedealsoundedtoogoodtobetrue.Andworstofallwasahauntingmemory:justasIwasabouttosignmynametothat$35,000check,Idistinctlyheardasmallvoice—myinternalvoiceofreason—say,“Don’tdoit!”DidIlisten?No.Ihopednoonewouldfindoutwhathadhappened.Ithoughtthatforthenext

severalmonths,Icouldjusthideinmyoffice,makelotsofmoney,andhopemyfriendswould forget toaskmeaboutmy investment.However,Fatehadotherplans for me. Two weeks after I discovered my money was gone, I got anunexpectedphonecallfromalocalnewswoman.“Dr.Nemeth,”shebegan,“theuniversitygaveusyournamebecauseyou’re

an associate clinical professor there.Weknowyou’re a psychotherapist, and IneedyourhelponanarticleI’mwritingfortheSacramentoBee.”Now,asmanyofuswould, I foundher inquiry agreat boost tomy shaken

stateofmind.Here,atlast,wasachancetorecoupsomeofmylostself-esteem.Afterall,Iwasstillacompetentpsychologist!“Yes,I’dbegladtohelpinanywayIcan,”Isaidwithmymostdignified,yet

humble,professionalvoice.“Well,youmaynotbeawareofthis,butSacramentohasbeenhavingarunof

investmentfraudslately.I’mdoinganarticleonit.Weneedtoknowifthereis

anytypeofpersonalityorcharacterflawthatallowspeopletogettakenintheseschemes. You must see lots of these types of people in your practice. Whatexactlyiswrongwiththeirthinkingprocess?”Oh,myGod!Iwascaught!Atfirst,IwantedtosaythatIwaswaytoobusyto

talk.Iwantedtohangupthephonebeforesheaskedanotherquestion.Isawmyreputationgoingdownthedrain.Buttheworstwasyettocome.I’manextrovert. Inorder toknowwhat I’mthinking, Ihave tohearmyself

say it. So, before I knew it, I heard the following words slipping out of mymouth:“Iwasoneofthosepeople!Ilost$35,000onthatscheme!”Istaredintothereceiver,feelingmyheartgoingrightdownthroughthoselittleblackholes.Iwashorrified.Afteralongpause,thereporteraskedkindly,“Areyousureyouwanttotell

methis?Doyoureallywantmetoprintthis?”As I regained my breath, I considered her questions. She might as well, I

thought.Maybeotherscanlearnfrommymistakes.At one point, the reporter tried to find excuses formy actions. “He played

uponyourtrustandrelationshipwithyourfriendswhowerealsoinvesting,”shesaid.“Well,maybe.Butdoyouwant toknowtherealreasonI investedwithhim

without reading the fine print?” By now, the relief from telling the truthwasmakingmefeelalittleheady.“Yes.Tellme,”shegasped.“Itwasgreed.”The instant the words were out of my mouth, I knew it was true. Greed.

Wantingtobeatthesystemandmakeaquickprofit.Ihadn’tlistenedtoanyonewhowarnedmeabouthowriskytheinvestmentwas.Ihadbeenblindedbythepossibility of a fabulous outcome. I had not wanted to bother with the finerdetails, such as knowing the long-term track record of the company. I did noteven ask to see the actual escrow papers of the deals I was supposed to befinancing!The reporter’s interview was lengthy. The article she wrote detailed how

peoplefromallwalksoflifecanexperiencemomentsofmoneymadness.Greedwastheformthismadnesstookwithme.Soonafterthepublicationoftheinterview,myfriendsandcolleaguesstarted

calling to reveal their own financial nightmares. They had stories of scams,bankruptcies, and unexpected losses. People told me about their spendingbinges, or how they hidmoney from their spouses. I heard stories of familiesbeing torn apart because some were left more money than others when theirparentorlovedonedied.

People toldme about goals they had abandoned. They spoke about dreamsdelayed or unachieved because of the fear of taking even the slightest chancewiththeirmoney.Abankvicepresidenttoldmeaboutacouplewhokeptmorethan$250,000 ina low-interest, simplesavingsaccountbecause theywere tooafraidtoinvestinmoney-marketcertificates.SoonIhadabigfileofpersonalstoriesthatshowedhowupsetwecangetin

ourrelationshipwithmoney.Someofthepeoplewhotoldthetruthabouttheirworries and difficult money experiences were bankers, real estate brokers,certifiedfinancialplanners,andstockbrokers.Thesewereindividualsonewouldexpecttoknowbetter.Thetruthwas,theydidknowbetter.TheirknowledgewassimplynotgettingtranslatedintoAuthenticAction.Awell-knownfinancialconsultantconfided,“Whenitcomestootherpeople’s

money,Iknowjustwhattodo.ButIcan’tfollowmyownfinancialadvice.I’mlikethechildoftheshoemakergoingwithoutshoes.”Ihavesincefoundthatthisis not an unusual experience, and it’s especially difficult for those who areexpertsinfinancialfields.Iftheirrelationshipwithmoneyisless-than-powerful,they worry that they are frauds. Nothing could be further from the truth!Interacting with the energy of money is an opportunity for all of us to learnlessons—nomatterhowmuchinformationwehave.Thetrickistoidentifyandlearnthoselessonsbeforetheygetbiggerandmoredemanding.I spokewith other peoplewho, rather than having a disastrous relationship

withmoney,were simply boredwith the tedious predictability of theirmoneylives.Theymadeenoughtopaythebillsandmakenecessarymajorpurchases.Their credit-card debt was too high, but they felt they would get around topayingitoff—someday.Manyoftheirgoalsanddreamshadbeendelayeduntiltheirlivessettleddown—oneday.This“someday/oneday”mantrahadcapturedtheirattentionandwasdrainingtheircreativeenergy.

THEYOUANDMONEYCOURSEBEGINS

PromptedbyeverythingIwashearingaboutpeopleandmoney,Idecidedtostartan informalworkshop onmoney, scarcity, and abundance. Friends joinedme.We set aside time when we could get together and focus on looking at ourrelationshipwithmoney.Eventually, these first efforts tobringclarity intoourownlivesevolvedintotheYouandMoneyCourse.Thefirstquestionwelookedatwashowtoconfrontourunconsciousbeliefs

andfeelingsaboutmoney.That’saparadox,becauseifit’sunconscious,howdoyouknowwhat toconfront?Weplunged right inandbeganbyasking,“Whatdon’tIwanttolookatregardingmeandmoney?”Old fears, unfulfilled dreams, and financial mistakes took shape before us.

Repeatedly,wefacedthehardchoiceoftellingthetruth—ortryingtolookgood.Wefoundthatreliefandchangecamewithtellingthetruth.A competent administrator of a multimillion-dollar program confided, “It

would be easier for me to fly to the moon than to balance my personalcheckbooktothepenny.”Evenasshesaidthis,shebegantonoticeotherareasofherlifethatwereoutofbalanceandhadn’tbeen“reconciled”—likeherlowenergybecauseofchronicheadachesandthefactthatshekeptputtingoffseeingherdoctor.Foranotherparticipant,balancingthecheckbookwasapieceofcake,but the thought of actually having fun with money while reaching satisfyingfinancialgoalsseemedlikeabadjoke.Andthislackofenjoymentseemedtobeechoedinhispersonalrelationshipsaswell.Wediscoveredthatmoneyissocentraltoourlivesthat,whetherwearerich

orpoor,wehavea relationshipwith itassoonasweareoldenough tocount.Moneyprovides uswith security, stability, away to take care of our families,makeacontribution,andhavefun.Thesearesomeofthesamereasonsweseekrelationshipswithotherpeople.Asinourrelationshipswithlovedones,weoftengetmiredinanxieties.Onewoman laughed and said, “My relationship withmoney is like a one-

nightstand—heretoday,gonetomorrow,anditdoesn’tevenknowmyname.”“Idon’thaveenoughmoney”wasacommonthreadrunningthroughmostof

ourdiscussions.Moneywasfrequentlynamedasthenumber-onecauseofstress.(In 1996, a LouisHarris andAssociates survey for the LutheranBrotherhoodfoundthatone-thirdoftheadultswhorespondedsaidtheyhavetroublesleeping

orrelaxingbecauseoffinancialanxieties.Decisionstheyhaddelayedbecauseoffinancial obligations included: buying a house, changing careers, havingchildren,andgettingmarried.)Almost everyone’s solution to the money problems they were having was

simple:“Justgivememoremoney.Thenthingswillgetbetterforme.”I even talked with people who questioned whether they had the right to

continuelivingiftheycouldn’taffordtomeettheirbasicneeds.Othersbelievedthatwinningthelotterycouldsolvealltheirproblems.Someworriedthattheirdesireformoneyconflictedwiththeirspiritualbeliefs.Manyfeltvictimizedorhelpless,asthoughmoneywereanoutsideforcecontrollingtheirlives.Theyfelttheywouldneverbefreeofitstyranny.Aseachofuslookedatourownparticularbrandsofmoneymadness,telling

thetruthtoourselvesandoneanother,anunusualphenomenonoccurred.Weallfeltthat,suddenly,wehadmorebreathingroominourlives.Whatwegenuinelywantedin lifebecamemoreclear.Wealsogainedthefortitudetopursuegoalsthat had seemed impossible. This happened no matter how old or young wewere,orwhatshapeourfinanceswereinbeforetheseminar.

BREATHINGROOM

Let’stalkaboutbreathingroomforamoment,sinceyou’llbehearingthattermused frequently in this book. When we talk about money, many of us feeljammedupagainst life,as ifour face isbeingpressedagainstapaneofglass.We feel pressured or blocked, and wish we could just get away from thisparticular subject. It is as if we had a weight on our chest that kept us frombreathingeasily.Ifyouwant to test thisforyourself, thinkforamomentabout thisquestion:

“Do I have enoughmoney?”Ask the question aloud to yourself three or fourtimes.Where does your body register a reaction?Maybe in your stomach? Inyourchestregion?Atyourthroat?Notmuchbreathingroom,right?BreathingroomoccursthemomentyougetintowhatIcalltheobservational

position.Fromthisvantagepoint,youfeelspacebetweenyourselfandwhatyouareexperiencing.Ithappenswhenyoutellthetruthaboutsomethingthat’sbeenbothering you. If you pay attention the next time you do it, you may findyourself automatically taking a deep breath. You calm down. You are not soupset.Inthatmoment,youmightevenseeoptionsforactionwherepreviouslythere seemed to be none. The program you’re about to follow in this book isspecifically designed to give you this kindof freedom.Breathing roombringsclarityandcreativitytoyourrelationshipwithmoney.BreathingroomoccurredforDorothy,whotooktheYouandMoneyCoursea

fewyearsago.Shewasinherseventies,aretiredlibrarianwhohadgivenuphercherisheddream to join thePeaceCorpsand teachEnglish ina farawayplacebecause she thought she was “too old.” In addition, she was worried aboutleavinghergrownson,whohadspecialneedsandrequiredcare.Aftershefacedandtoldthetruthabouttheseconcernsinthecourse,shesawthatherownhero’sjourneywasfarfromover.Dorothymadeappropriatefinancialarrangementsforher son, applied to thePeaceCorps, andwas accepted.Not long after the lastmeeting of her group, I received a postcard from Sri Lanka, where she wasorganizinglibrariesandteachingEnglishasaSecondLanguage.Anotherwoman,Jane,hadasuccessfulrestaurantinCalifornia.Shewantedto

expand,butneverseemedtohavetheimpetusorwherewithalltodoso—anditwasbecomingaproblem forher. In theYouandMoneyCourse, she saw thatoneofherpracticeswastopaysomeofherserversunderthetable,notdeclaring

themasemployeesforstateworkers’compensation.Shewasn’tpayingthemanymore or less than she paid other servers, but shewas trying to escape payingwithholdingtaxes.Janesawinthecoursewhatadrainthispracticewasonherenergy.Notonlywas itnota soundbusinesspractice,but it alsowentagainstwhatsheknewtoberight.In the course, she told the truth about it andgot somebreathing room.She

didn’tliketellingthetruthaboutit,butshedid.Shethentookactionandmadethesituationright.Sheputallheremployeesonthepayrollofficially.Thatgaveheracleanslatetoseewhatitreallytooktorunherbusiness,andtherestaurantprosperedandexpanded.ThissimpleshifttotellingthetruthwaspowerfulforJane.I am not the ethics police, and I don’t tell people what the rules are. The

purposeofthisworkisforyoutodiscoveryourownrules,therulesthatyou’vealwayshad,therulesthatarereflectionsofyourbeing.Whenyoudon’toperateinaccordancewiththoserules,youdon’thaveanybreathingroom.Janefoundthatbringingherbusinesspracticesintoalignmentwithherownrulesnotonlymadeherfeelmorewholebutmadeherbusinessprosper.Dorisalsoexperiencedthebenefitsofbreathingroom.ShewastheEastCoast

representativeforamajormanufacturingfirmthathadaverypopularproduct.Thecompanywantedtogetinformationonitoutveryquickly—andintherush,Dorisdropped somedetails and a fancybrochurewas sentoutwith erroneousinformationonit.Reprintingthebrochurewouldcostafortune,butbecauseofthe nature of the information, the company would face legal problems if thebrochurewasnotcorrected.Doris’sbreathingroomcamewhenshesawthatshe’dbeensodriventhatshe

hadn’tattended to thedetails.Ordinarily,shewouldhaverushed todoanotherbrochureimmediately,butsherealizedthatinthatpanickystate,shemighthavegottenother informationwrong.Whenshewasable just tositandobserve thesituationandher reactions to it, insteadof rushingahead todo thesame thingshe’ddonebefore,shehadsomebreathingroomtodevelopabetterstrategy,anditworked.Graduates of the You and Money Course have freed themselves from

cripplingdebt,builtsuccessfulbusinesses,purchaseddreamhomes,andwrittenscreenplays. They have located and accomplished their hearts’ desires, and socanyou.The first courses, gatherings with friends who were willing to share their

experienceswithmoney,representedaturningpointinmylife.Iclarifiedsomeof my own beliefs about money and got in touch with some hidden feelingsabout it.But therewasmore.WhenIsawhowmyownandothers’ liveswere

changingforthebetter,Ifelt thatIhadbeengivenalife’spurposetofulfill.Itwas like being handed an invaluable gift. I could givemy own life expandedmeaningandpurpose,andatthesametimecreateasettingandprovidetoolsthatotherscouldusetogainclarityandpowerwithmoney.Iwasn’ttheonlyonetobe given such a gift. Others in these early groups found that they, too, wereuncoveringadeepersenseofpurposeintheirlives.Iofferedtheseminaroutsidemycircleoffriends,anditcaughton.Withina

shortwhiletherewasagreatdemandforthiswork.SoonIwasgettingrequestsfromotherpartsofthecountry,andwithinafewyearsIfoundmyselftravelingtootherstates.TodayIamteachingtheseprinciplesinternationally.TheYou andMoneyCourse continues to evolve as courageous people step

forwardtounleashtheenergyofmoneyintheirlives.Eachtimewepresentthecourse,Iammovedbyhowwillingtheyaretobepresenttotheirlessons,andtocontributetotheprocessandtothosewhocomeafterthem.Overtimewehavedevelopedtwelveguidingprinciplesforthiswork.

THE12PRINCIPLES

TheEnergyofMoney presents 12Principles for personal fulfillment. Throughthem you will begin to develop mastery with the energy of money. You willuncover the hidden landscape of beliefs, behavior patterns, and habits thatunderlieandsometimessubverthowyouusemoneyandotherformsofenergy.Youlearntounleashandfocustheenergyofmoney,howtoexpressyourLife’sIntentions through meaningful goals, how to handle the difficulties thatinevitablyariseasyouapproachtheborderbetweendreamsandphysicalreality,andhowtoliveinforgiveness,support,andabundance.Webster’sThirdInternationalDictionarytellsusthataprincipleisa“general

or fundamental truth; a basic or primary source of material or energy.” Aprincipleisnotanactionstepthatyoudoonce,andthenit’sover.Aprincipleisanongoingguideforliving.Eachofthese12Principlesisdesignedtohelpyouaccessyourowninnerwisdom,so thatyoumovewitheaseandclarity towardyourgoalsanddreams.The12Principlesmaysurpriseyou,andsomemayevenseemcounterintuitive.Butifyouworkwiththem,Ipromiseyouclarityandeasebeyondyourwildestdreams.Youmaynotice that theseareuniversalprinciples for successful living, and

youmaybetemptedtousetheminareasofyourlifeotherthanmoney.That’sfine, but I suggest that you focus on your relationship with money, becausedoingsowillgiveyouthemostmeasurable,immediate,andpotentresults.ThePrinciples are presented in four parts. PartOne, “TheHero’sPurpose,”

invitesyoutoseehowwillingyouareandhavealwaysbeen,defineyourLife’sIntentions andStandards of Integrity, and develop goals that expresswhoyouareinyourhero’sheart.InPartTwo,“IdentifyingtheInnerBlockstoProgress,”youwilllearnaboutMonkeyMindchatter,whatscarcityreallymeans,andhowwewaste theenergyofmoneywithdrivenbehavior.PartThree,“Clearing thePath,” is about releasing old beliefs, unleashing the energy ofmoney throughforgiveness,andmakingandkeepingpromises thatmoveyoualongyourpath.In Part Four, “Staying the Course,” you will learn how to deal with externalobstacles to your goals, use the support of others to increase your ability tohandlemoneyenergy,andembracegratitudeasthegatewaytoabundance.

AFINALWORD

Incoachingpeoplealongtheirpaths,Ihavefoundthatmoneyisneitherspiritualnornonspiritual.It’ssimplyenergy.Itisheretobeusedwisely,consciously,andwithenjoyment.Inourculture,thereismuchdiscussionofwhetheryoucanbeon a spiritual path and still havemoney.Of course you can! The question is:Whatareyouusing themoney for?Does it furtheryourLife’s Intentions?Areyoucontributingtothelivesofothers?Doesitbringlastingsatisfaction,orareyouusingitforinstantgratificationbecauseyourlifeisoff-kilter?Thesearethequestionsthatbringclaritytoyourhero’sjourney,andtheyarethequestionswewillexploreinthisbook.Onemorethingbeforeyoubeginthefirstchapter:Togetthemostfromthis

book,besuretokeepanotebookorjournaltotakenotesanddotheexercises.Keeparecordofthejourneyyouareabouttotake.Yournotesmaybecomeyourown private seminar. You may also decide to read through this book withfriends, and to support one another as you engage in the exercises. If you doeither of these things, youwill follow in the footsteps of theYou andMoneygraduateswhohaveturnedtheirdreamsintorealities.Congratulations!Inreadingthisbook,youaretakingabigfirststep.Iapplaud

howwillingyouaretoembarkconsciouslyonthehero’sjourney,andIwishyouwellalongtheway.

Imaginebeingabletoapproachyourfinanceswithasenseofoptimism,clarity,andopenness, insteadofdread.ForseventeenyearsIhavetraveledaroundthecountrycoachingpeoplewhohavenotbeenabletodoorgetwhattheywantandshownthemhowtheycouldbecomesuccessful;andIhavecoachedsuccessfulpeople to become evenmore so. By “successful people,” Imean people whohavesucceededinusingmoneytorealizetheirhearts’desiresaswellaspeoplewho have used money to become comfortable or wealthy personally andprofessionally.ThesesuccessfulpeoplewithwhomIhaveworkeddonothaveanyparticular

natural aptitudes or attributes that set them apart from other people whosedreamshavenevermaterialized.Thesuccessfulpeopledohaveonelearnedskillthat distinguishes them from those who don’t succeed. It is this: they havelearnedhowtohandleenergy.

WHATMAKESPEOPLESUCCESSFUL?

Successfulpeopleknowhowenergyworks.Theyknowhowtofocusthevariouskinds of energy—money, time, physical vitality, creativity, among others—toconvert their ideas,dreams,andvisions intoreality.Andtheyknowhowtodothis with ease. They have realized their particular dreams, gone through theirpersonal challenges, vanquished their individual dragons or fears.While theymaynot alwaysbe successful in their ventures, ingeneral theyhavemasteredhowtouseenergy,andparticularlyhowtousetheenergyofmoney.Iconsiderthesepeopleheroes,for,tome,thehero’sjourneyistouseenergyconsciouslytomakegoalsanddreamsrealinthephysicalworld.It is a heroic task to keep moving forward in the face of all the thoughts,

feelings, self-judgments, and assessments that we attach tomoney. It requirescourageandcreativityandagenuinelongingtoexpresswhowetrulyareintheworld.InTheHerowithaThousandFaces,JosephCampbell,thenotedmythologist

andphilosopher,describesthehero’sjourney.Duringourlife’sprogress,aswithevery hero’s quest, we have to suffer certain losses, leave the predictablecomfortsofourhome,andsetout intounfamiliar terrain torealizeourdreamsandgoals.Alongtheway,theheroinevitablymeetswithdragonsthatblocktheway.Usually,hisorherquesttakestheherointodarkplacestodotremendousbattle with unseen forces for hidden treasure. Out of these struggles the heroemergeswithagrailorjewelsorwisdomthatheshareswithothers.It ishisorhercontribution toothersand to the largerworld thatmakes the

herointoahero,fortheultimatetaskoftheheroistobringknowledge,energy,andpowerbacktothepeopleheorshelovesandtoshareitwiththem.Eachofushasuniquetalentstocontributetotheworld,andwemakeourcontributionbyturning our individual dreams—the ones that truly excite and inspire us—intoreality.Ourtaskmaybetonurtureafamilyortocreateabusinessthathelpsacommunity thrive.Whatever the vision that calls to us, accomplishing it is aheroicmission.Whenweareengagedin thatmission,whenweknowthatwearemakinga

largercontribution,whenweknowthatourpersonalgoalsarealsohelpingourbusiness succeed,orwhenweknow thatbeing financially successfulwill alsoputourchildrenthroughcollege,weareusingtheenergyofmoneyheroically.

Thischaptergivesyouamapofthehero’sjourneyonwhichyouwillembarktolearnexactlyhowtomastertheenergyofmoney.You’lllearnwhatheroesdo,what their challenges are,where they learn their lessons, and how theywieldenergytobringforththeirgoalsanddreams.Youwillseethatyouareahero,aswell.Actually,youwillbeginpretty immediately to see thatyoualreadyhaveall

the qualities and abilities you need to use the energy ofmoney tomake yourdreams come true. This kind of mastery requires no special talents orintelligence.Youdon’tevenhavetoridyourselfoffears,doubts,andworries.Weareallbornwith theability tobringourdreamsintoreality. Infact, this

abilitymaybeourbestevolutionarytool.Wehumansdon’thavethefur,fangs,fleetness, or fighting capacity that helped many animal species survive andthrive—butwedohave theability tofocusourconsciousnessonan idea, thentranslate that idea into an actual formor a behavior that enables us to protectourselves,removeourselvesfromdanger,ormakeourliveseasier.Wecanmakeideasintophysicalreality.We do this all the time, butmany of us don’t do it consciously. Successful

people, however, are conscious conduits of energy. In general, they behaveaccordingtotwelveprinciplesthatfreeupenergyintheirownlivesandintheworld.Thisbookwill tellyouwhat theseprinciplesareandhowyou, too,canusethem.Itwillhelpyoubecomeconsciousoftheenergyofmoneyinyourownlife,whichincreasesyourmoneypower—andyourownpersonalpower.

YOURMONEYISYOURLIFE

Joseph Campbell said, “Money is congealed energy, and releasing it releaseslife’spossibilities.”Wecanholdmoneyinourhands,touchit,feelit,anduseitforanypurposewechoose.Try this exercise. Take out a dollar bill and hold it for amoment. Imagine

everywhere this dollar bill has been, and everywhere it will be going. Thinkaboutthepeoplewhohaveheldthisdollarbill,andwhattheyhaveuseditfor.Thinkofthepeoplewhowillholditinthefuture,andwhattheywilluseitfor.Thisbillmayfinditswayintothehandsofamotherwhoneedsonemoredollartobuyherkids thefood theyneed.Or itcould transportabusinessperson inataxionthewaytomakeadealthatwillprovidejobstothousandsofpeople.Oritcouldbecomepartofadownpaymentonafirsthome,acar,adreamvacation.Doyousense theenergy?Theenergyof thissingledollarcan flowfromyourhandsintomanypeople’slives.Weliveinauniversemadeupofenergyandsurroundedbyenergy.Because

we all share in the universal energy that unifies us, no compartment of life isshutofffromanother.Thesmallestpartsoflifeandmatterreflectthepropertiesof the universe as awhole. PhysicistDavidBohm called this the holographicuniverse: every aspect of our liveshas a reflection in everyother aspect.Thismeanshowyoudomoneyishowyoudolife.Ourrelationshipwithmoneyisametaphor for our relationshipwith all forms of energy: time, physical vitality,enjoyment,creativity,andthesupportoffriends.These energies empower our lives.Without any one of them, life becomes

difficult.But improving the flow in any one of these forms of energy usuallymakes our lives easier. You will discover how interdependent these forms ofenergyareasyoudotheexercisesinthisbook.Yourmoneybreakthroughswillbe echoed in your personal life; in your health, which will improve; in yourcreative energy, which will also increase; and in your relationship with time,whichwillbe friendlier,easier.Whenyou learn tousemoneyenergy,youcanuseanyformofenergywithease.Thinkaboutitforamoment.

• Do you ever have enoughmoney? (Do you have enough time? Physical

vitality?)•Must youhoardmoney to feel secure? (Must you reserveyour support of

othersinordertofeelsafe?)•Doyouwasteyourmoney?(Doyoufritterawayyourtime?)•Doyouknowexactlyhowmuchmoney is inyourcheckingaccount right

now?(Doyouhaveanaccuratepictureofyourcurrentphysicalhealth?)

One of the purposes of being human is towake up and become conscious.Traditionally, thepursuitofconsciousnesshasbeendoneonsolitaryretreatsormeditations, which is certainly an important and valid pursuit. But what ifwaking up really means seeing how to conduct yourself powerfully in youreveryday,regularlifeintherealworld?Thecongealedenergyofmoneygivesusthatopportunity.Whenweknow,forexample,exactlyhowmuchwespendon“incidentals” every week, or how much money is in our wallet at any givenmoment,orwhatourmonthlytake-homepayis,tothepenny,wedemonstrateinaconcretewaythatwehavemasteredtheconscioususeofenergy.Youmayflinchatthefeelingsthatcomeupwhenyouanswersuchquestions,

or blanch at the notion that the way you handle your finances gives a truereflectionofwhoyouare.ButIencourageyoutokeepyoureyesopenaswegoalong,nomatterhowuncomfortableitmaybetolookattoughissueslikedebtor fear or unsatisfied desires. I know it’s not easy to talk or think calmly andconsciouslyaboutmoney.Aswegothroughthisprocess,Iencourageyoutojotdowninyournotebookanyfeelingsthatcomeuporrealizationsthatyouhave.Laterwe’llreturntotheseinitialobservationsandseehowmuchyourattitudeshavechanged.

THEMONEYTABOO

Ifsuccessfulpeoplearethosewhounderstandhowtousetheenergyofmoney,and if our relationshipwithmoney is ametaphor for our relationshipwith allkinds of energy, then why aren’t the 12 Principles of money energy betterknown?Themainreasonisthattalkingaboutmoneyisdesperatelyuncomfortablefor

mostofus. I learned thatdiscussingmoneywas tabooatage seven,whenmycousinscameoverfordinner.Iwantedtosoundgrown-up,soIaskedmygrowncousinIrwin,“Howmuchmoneydoyoumake?”Everyonestoppedtalking.Itwasalarming,giventheusualnoiselevelatour

dinnertable.Motherlookedatme,clearlyembarrassed.“Maria,”shesaidsternly,“that’ssomethingyoushouldneveraskpeople.”All the adults laughed. Me? I had just learned something important about

money:itistoopersonaltotalkabout.Youmayhavehadasimilarexperienceasyouweregrowingup.That’sonereasonit’ssometimesuncomfortabletowakeuptoourrelationshipwithmoney.Wehavetoviolatethetaboo.Butifwetakethe leap and start asking ourselves some questions about how we relate tomoney,wemightdiscoverhowweuseittofurtherorfrustrateourdreams,ortodefine our worldview. In doing this, we begin our personal journey towardconsciousness.With this consciousness comes clarity, focus, and the ability toaccomplishwhatwegenuinelywantinlife,forourselvesandforothers.Whatismyrelationshipwithmoney?HowwellhaveIuseditsenergy?How

isthisamirrorforthewayIhandleotherformsofenergyinmylife?Thesemaybethemostimportantquestionsyouwilleverask.Whenyouknowtheanswers,yourpath to a fulfilled lifewill becomeclearer, as if aknowledgeable, kindlyguidehadforgedaheadofyouintothewilderness,clearingaroadjustforyou.Therestofthischapterdescribesthatpath.

METAPHYSICALANDPHYSICALREALITY

We’vesaidthatthehero’sjourneyinvolvesusingtheenergyofmoneytobringgoals and dreams into physical reality. The diagram below is a map of thatprocess.Let’slookatit,oneelementatatime.

Let’ssupposethatrealityasweknowitisdividedintotwoparts.Oneaspect,

thetopportionofthediagram,iscalledphysicalreality.Inthisrealm,energyiscoalescedintoobjectsthathaveform,density,andsize.Youcansee,taste,feel,orsmellthesethings.Youcanmeasurethemandobservethattheyaresubjecttothe constraints of time and space. One law of this domain is impermanence:thingsgrow,die,andarereplaced.Changeistheunalterablenorm.Tomoveorchangeobjectsinthisdomain,youhavetofocusenergyonthem.Forinstance,your lawn doesn’t get mowed simply by your dreaming about it; somebodyactuallyhastopushthelawnmower.Ifyouwere to lookat thephysicaldomain from theperspectiveofphysics,

youmight say this is theNewtonian level,where the lawsof cause andeffect

seemclear.Forexample,everyoneknowsthatifyouholdaglassofwaterandthenletitgo,theglasswillfallandshatter,splashingwatereverywhere.Thereisasenseofcertaintyinthislinearconnectionbetweencauseandeffect,sinceyoucan predict at least some outcomes on the basis of prior action. Saving $30 amonthwillnetyou$360attheendofayear.Unfortunatelyformanyofus,thesimplicityandobviousnessofthephysical

domainseemstiresomeandpedestrian.Mostpeoplewillagreethatit’simportanttobalance their checkbooks to thepenny,but it’s sobooooring! Ifwewere tolook more closely, however, we might find that some of our most powerfullessonsin lifeare thosethat,at least in thebeginning,weconsideredmundaneand somehow unworthy of our attention.We knowwe should fasten our seatbelts, for instance,but itsometimesseemstiresomeandstuffy.Wethinkaboutthe value of seat belts only whenwe see or hear about an accident in whichpeopleweren’twearingthem.Evenknowinghowmuchweareowedinaccountsreceivable (or by our children) can seem nitpicky, but going numb orunconscious about this kind of information can be disastrous. “Small” and“mundane”thingscountforalotinthephysicaldomain.A second aspect of reality (the bottom portion of the diagram) is called

metaphysicalreality.Inthisrealm,energyhasnotbeensolidifiedintoform.Itisfree-flowing andunbounded.Whatever exists here is intangible and cannot bemeasuredbytheusualphysicalmeans.ThisisthehomeofwhatearlyWesternphilosophers have called Pure Ideas. Elements in metaphysical reality areimmunetothelawofimpermanence.Asweexperiencethisrealmthroughourimagination,visions,andintention,webecomeexcitedatpossibilitiesthatdon’tyetexistinphysicalreality.We can think of the metaphysical realm as having various layers of

organization. At the deepest level, we find undifferentiated energy, or whatmetaphysicians have called Substance, or pure potentiality (see point 1 of thediagram).We interactwith this plane all the time, and the first forms that emerge are

ideas(seepoint2ofthediagram).Anideaislikeadreamorvision.Itusuallystarts with words like “Wouldn’t it be great if … I had all the money Ineeded… I didn’t have towork fifty hours aweek…we had a great sportsprogramforthekids.”Thereisalightnesstotheseideasbecausetheenergyisstillsofree-formandfluid.Thisis therealmofbrainstorming,whenideasjustspark up in us. It’s exciting and fun. These ideas don’t have any promisesattachedtothemyet;theyaresimply“puffs”ofenergy,startingtotakeformandfloatingaroundusaswethinkaboutthem.Everyday,youandIgoaboutthedramaofgivingphysicalformanddensity

to the pure energy of our ideas. We do that through the creation of Life’sIntentions, the third level of metaphysical reality, which is closest to the linebetweenmetaphysicalandphysicalreality(seepoint3ofthediagram).ALife’sIntentionisadirection,aim,orpurposethatcomesfromdeepwithin

us.Itreflectswhoweareinourheartsandelicitsanemotionalresponse.Life’sIntentionsarethingssuchas“Iwant…tobeanauthor,tobeagreatmom,tobea healer, to be financially successful, to be a successful entrepreneur, to be acontributiontomycommunity.”WeallhavemanyLife’sIntentions.Theybringusclosertophysicalrealitybecausethey“tell”uswherewemightwanttodirectourenergy.Theyareblueprintsforwhereourenergywillflow,andtheyactas“energyshunts”frommetaphysicaltophysicalreality.Different “rules” apply in the physical and metaphysical domains. In the

metaphysicalrealm,ourcause-and-effectideasabouttimeandspacedon’tapply.Thingsworkmoreastheydoinquantumphysics.Inthequantumrealm,matterismadeofbothenergyandmatter,electromagneticwavesandparticles.Energyand matter communicate with each other instantly, simultaneously,synchronously. Quantum physics can change our notion of the usual laws ofcauseandeffect.We experience themetaphysical realm in oddmoments, aswhen you think

about your favorite song, for example, then turn on the car radio and hear itplaying. How did that happen? You couldn’t say that your thought about thesongactually caused it tobeplaying, couldyou?Thatwouldbe superstitious.But what’s going on here? It can be confusing. To deal successfully in themetaphysicalrealm,youneedtheabilitytosuspendlogic.Some of our biggest mistakes in life come when our minds try to make

Newtonian-like rules about how the metaphysical realm affects the physical.Theydonotwork.“Rules”suchas“IfIholdpositivethoughtsaboutprosperity,moneywilljuststartpouringintomylife”arejusttoosimplistictowork.Thiskindofthinkingis“metafizzling.”Thebottomlineis thatmoneyexists in thephysicaldomain.Moneydoesn’t

comeastheresultofthoughtsinthemetaphysicalrealm;itcomesastheresultofactionsinthephysicaldomain.AnothermistakeistotryjumpingdirectlyfromtherealmofIdeas(“Wouldn’t

itbegreat tohavea sailboat!”) to thegoalofbuyinga sailboat—without firstseeingwhatspecificLife’sIntentionhavingasailboatfulfills.Itmightbe“tobeanadventurer,” “tobeamaster sailor,”or someother Intention.Regardlessofwhat it is, grounding your goals in specific Life’s Intentions is important,becauseyourIntentionsare theblueprintsforwhathappens inphysical reality,thelivingspiritbehindyourgoalsanddreams.YourLife’sIntentionskeepyou

energizedand focusedwheneveryouencounterchallengeson thepath toyourgoals.Theykeepyouheadinginthedirectionofwhathasheartandmeaningforyou.Thoseofuswho“metafizzle”operateunderthedelusionthatthereisacause-

and-effect relationship, a linear causality, between what happens in themetaphysical andphysical realms.We think,orhope, that ifwe thinkpositivethoughts,positivethingswillhappentousinphysicalreality.Themoreuseful interpretationof the relationshipbetweenmetaphysicaland

physicalrealitiesisthatwecanexpendeffortsinthemetaphysicalrealmtoclearourselvestobeavailabletowhatcanhappeninphysicalreality.Thenwehavetodothefootwork inphysical reality.Wehave tobewilling toclearourselves inthemetaphysicalrealmbydoingsuchthingsaslettinggooflimitingbeliefsandknowing our true Life’s Intentions, but then we have to get to work in thephysicaldomaintoproducetheresult.Here’s how it works. Barbara is a graphic artist. In doing this work, she

realizedthatshehadanold,limitingbelief,afirmlyheldidea,that$500wasasmuchasshecouldeverchargeforaproject.Shewaswillingtogobeyondthatbelief,butshestillhad tomakesalescalls topotentialclientswhomighthavelarger jobs,updateherportfolio,andgomeetwithpeople tosigncontracts forthework.Sheclearedherselfinthemetaphysicalrealm,thentookactioninthephysicalrealm.Thatistheessenceofthehero’sjourney.InthisbookIwillshowyouexactly

howtoclearyourselfinthemetaphysicalrealmsothatyoucantakeAuthenticActioninthephysicalrealmtomanifestyourgoalsanddreams.Whenyouknowhowtodothis,allthewonderfulinformationandadvicethatsurroundsustodaybecomesusefultoyou,becauseyou’refreeduptouseyourinnerwisdom.We are all happiestwhenwe are demonstrating in physical realitywhatwe

know to be true about ourselves, when we are giving form to our Life’sIntentionsinawaythatcontributestoothers.EachofthePrinciplesinthisbookis designed to create this kind of opening. The Principles are not pieces ofadvice. They are guides for living, and for clearing your way to masteringenergy. In each chapter there areways to put the principles into practice, butthesestepsarejustthebeginningofalifelongprocessinwhichtheseguidelinescanhelpyoulivethelifeofyourdreams.

GOALS:PROJECTINGOURLIFE’SINTENTIONSINTOPHYSICALREALITY

HowexactlydoweknowthatwearemanifestingourLife’sIntentions,andhowdowegoaboutdoingso?ToknowthatwearemanifestingourLife’sIntentions,we need to see results in physical reality. If our Life’s Intention is “to be anartist,”weneed to seeapainting. IfourLife’s Intention is“tobea successfulentrepreneur,”weneedtoseethebusinessandthebooks.WepropelourLife’s Intentions into thephysical realmbycreatinggoals.A

goalis,literally,aprojectionofaLife’sIntentionintophysicalreality(seepoint4of thediagram).It isapromisewemakeourselvesabouthowwewillfulfillthatLife’sIntention.Inthiswork,weusethedictionarydefinitionofagoal:“anareaorobjecttowardwhichplayisdirectedinordertoscore.”Withoutgoals,ourLife’sIntentionsremainunfulfilled,andunfulfilledLife’s

Intentionsoftenresultinfrustrationandresignation.Conversely,ourgreatestjoycomesfromachievinggoalsthathaverealmeaningandheartforusbecausetheyareanchoredinthemetaphysicalrealm.Thesearesomegoals,andtheLife’sIntentionsthattheymanifest:

GOAL INTENTIONtobuyahouse tobefinanciallysuccessfultoclimbMt.Shasta tobephysicallyfittomoveintobeautifulnewoffices tobeasuccessfulentrepreneurtotakemykidstoDisneyland tobeagreatdad

Here’s an example of how I have used goals.More than a decade ago, Iwasworkingasapsychologistatahospital,andIdecidedtoleaveandstartaprivatepractice. The Life’s Intention I wanted to fulfill was “to be a successfulbusinesswoman,”andmygoalwas tohave thirtyclientsandonegroupwithinsixmonths.Now, being a psychologist had also fulfilled my Life’s Intention “to be of

servicetoothers,”butactuallyputtingtogethermyownpracticewasabusinessventure.Icouldseeinmymind’seyehowthepracticewouldlook,howmuch

moneyI’dbemaking,howmanypeopleI’dbeseeingeachweek.ItwasexcitingtothinkaboutallthewaysIcouldgetmybusinessofftheground.

TROUBLEATTHEBORDER

WhenIthoughtaboutstartingmypractice,Iwas“pumped”andreadytogo.Butsomethinghappenedat themoment that Iactually triedmaking the jumpfromthemetaphysical—theworld of ideas—into the real-lifeworld of the physicalplane.Iwasimmediatelyfacedwithdecisionsthatweren’tinspiringatall.Ihadto

findanoffice,getanansweringservice,andgetabusinesslicense.Thereweredozensofquestionstoanswer:HowwasIgoingtofindmyclients?Icouldn’tjust walk the streets of Sacramento suggesting that people visit me forconsultations(Imighthavegottenmyselfarrestedforthat!),soIscheduledtalksall over town to let people knowwho Iwas and that they could useme as atherapist.Someofmyappearanceswerefun,butsomewerepurehell.It was slow going. I’d promised myself that in six months I’d have a full

practice,butwhensixmonthshadpassed,Iwasseeingatotaloffivepeopleaweek.Thatwasn’tevenclosetothethirtypeopleI’dcountedon.Ikeptthinking,“IsthisallIhavetoshowforthattremendousinvestmentofenergy?”OnonelevelIwashappywiththeprogressI’dmadeinmyfledglingbusiness.

ButIwasalsoterriblydisappointedwithmyself.I’dthoughtthatitwasgoingtobemuch easier to takemy idea of the perfect private practice and put it intoreality,andIcouldn’tfigureoutwhatIwasdoingwrong.What I didn’t knowwas that I was experiencingwhat I have come to call

“TroubleattheBorder.”Whenyoubegintomoveanideafromthemetaphysicalrealm intophysical reality,youmust cross theBorderbetween these twoverydifferentworlds.AndattheBorder,theinspirationandfunoftheoriginalideaencounterstheenergyrequirementofphysicalreality.Sometimes, encountering the Border between metaphysical and physical

reality isa real shock.Energy in thephysical realm isextremelydense. It isadramatic change from the fluid, loose, freefloating energy of themetaphysicalrealm. This change in density can be quite dramatic, as though you’d beenstandingontheshoreofabeach,enjoyingthesunshine,andweresuddenlyhitbyasolidwallofice-coldwater.AttheBorder,wemaymeetdoubtsandfearssostrongthattheyseemtostop

us inour tracksalmostbeforeour journeybegins.Weexperience inertia.Thathappened tomewhen Iwas trying to findanoffice formybusiness. I looked

everywhere.Noluck.Nothingfitthepictureofwhatmyofficeshouldlooklike,andafteracoupleofweeksofsearching,myenthusiasmforthewholeenterpriseseemedtodie.SuddenlyIwascompletelyuninspiredbymydreamofstartingasoloprivate

practice.Itwastakingtoomuchenergyintheformoftime,physicalvitality,andcreativity,nottomentionthemoneyIwasn’tearningduringthissearch.Justatthe point when I needed the energy to reach escape velocity and get going,everythingbecamejusttoohardtodo.Youmayhaveexperiencedthissamephenomenonwhenyou’vemovedfrom

the ideastage to the realmofschedules, resources,details,andpeople.Thingsdon’talwaysworkoutthewayyou’dhoped.I know something now that I didn’t know then: Trouble at the Border is

inevitable. If you really recognize the truth of this statement, you can start torelax.There is nothingwrongwithyouor your dream.Whenever you bring acreativeideatotheBorderbetweenmetaphysicalandphysicalreality,youwillexperiencethisenergyshift.EveryonefromDaVinci,toMotherTeresa,toyourunclewhoneverput his dreamson the line runs into theheavy, dishearteningfeelingthatwhat theywereabout todowasmuchharder thananticipated,andthat itwastakingmoretime,money,orstaminathananyonethought itwould.Stories of Trouble at the Border abound in the biographies of successfulinventors,researchers,moviedirectors,andentrepreneurs.Physical science provides the perfect metaphor for Trouble at the Border:

liftoff.We all know that a rocket burns most of its fuel during the first fewmomentsofflight,asitovercomesinertiaandthegravitationalpulloftheearth.That’swhatit’slikeforusaswelaunchourdreamsintophysicalreality.ThePrinciplesinthisbookwillguideyouinmakingyourownjourneyfrom

themetaphysicaltothephysicalmoreexcitingandproductive.Whenthegoinggetsrough,youwon’tneedtolosecourage,ortoquestionyourgoalortheLife’sIntentionbehindit.Youwon’thavetotrytomuscleitthroughonyourown.Infact, you may come to see that any distress you experience in the face ofdifficultyisameasureofyourcourageasyoumoveoutsideyourcomfortzone.It’s a sign of how much you’re stretching beyond your present capacities orplaceinlife.Itshowsthatyouareexpandingbothyourskillsandyourstrengths.

MONKEYMIND

Inmyearlyattemptstostartaprivatepractice,Iwasdealingnotonlywiththegreater-than-expectedenergyrequirementsattheBorder,butalsowitharunningcommentary in my head, a little voice that provided judgments and critiquesaboutmyeveryaction:

•“Itwasn’tsupposedtobethishard.”•“Maybenowisn’ttherighttimetobedoingthis.”•“IfIwerereallymeanttobedoingpsychotherapy,Iwouldn’tbehavingso

muchtrouble.”•“Ijustknowtheuniverseistellingmesomething.”

InowcallthisinnerdialoguetheMonkeyMind.TheconceptofMonkeyMindcomesfromBuddhism,whichdescribesitasaself-criticizingaspectofourmindthatswingsusfromdoubt,toworry,andbacktodoubt.MonkeyMindchattersthemost loudlywhenwe threaten tochange thestatusquo—even if thestatusquoissomethingwelongtoleavebehind.MonkeyMindisdesignedtosolveproblems,toexpectdanger,andtobraceus

fortrouble.It’sakindofsurvivalinstinct,soitlikesthefamiliar.Itdoesn’tlikechange,itdoesn’tliketotakerisks,anditdoesn’tappreciateanystepswetaketoward the Border, because right across the Border is brand-new territory.MonkeyMinddoesn’tcareifwhatliesinthatterritoryisthegoalthat’sclosesttoyourheart.It’snew,soit’soff-limits.Inpsychology,wemightsaythattheMonkeyMindisaproductofthefrontal

lobes,theplaceinthebrainwhereproblem-solvingtakesplace.It’salmostasiftheselobesgetstartledintoactionwhentheenergyrequirementsshift.Theygetloudandinsistent,oftencallingforustostayput.Inmycase,whenclientsdidn’tshowupindrovesasI’dhoped,MonkeyMind

hadacompellinganalysis:“See?IknewIwasn’tgoingtomakeitinthisfield.IshouldhavestayedatmysteadyjobatLongBeachGeneralHospital.Thisisadisaster!”Later in this book, we will look deeply at your own Monkey Mind

conversationsregardingmoney.MonkeyMindgoescrazywhenyouthinkabout

money,andifyoudoubtthisforamoment,noticeyourinternaldialogueasyoucontemplate the following words: net worth, credit rating, retirement savings,credit-carddebt.Breathe!I’llstopusingthosetermsfornow.However,onceyousee your particular medley of Monkey Mind symptoms, they won’t surprise,deter, or frighten youwhen they appear.You’ll be able to give yourself somebreathingroomandcontinuetowardyourgoals.InTheTibetanBookofLivingandDying,SoygalRinpochecomparesMonkey

Mindwithabeehive.Hesayswecaneasilyprovokethebeesintochasingandstingingus,orwecanleavethemalone.Wehavethesamechoicewhenitcomestoouractivemindchatter.Wecanstiritupbytryingtoanalyzeit,suppressit,orarguewith it,whichonlymakes it louder.Orwe can refrain from turningourenergy toward the mind in this way. If we turn our attention away from thechatter,MonkeyMindwon’thinderus.Thebuzzwon’tgoaway,butitwon’tbeaimedinourdirection.Successfulpeoplehavelearnednottopokeatthebeehive.TheyhearMonkey

Mindremindingthemdaily,evenmomenttomoment,oftheirdoubts,fears,andworries,justliketherestofus.Buttheyrecognizethattheseanxietiesarealwaysgoingtobetherewhenthey’reattheBorder.TheyalsoseethatMonkeyMind’sactivityisnotrelevanttowhotheyareortotheiraimsinlife.Theyfocusinsteadonenergizingtheirgoals.

ENERGIZINGYOURGOALS

Have you ever found yourself in a flow of energy that was so creative, soproductiveandexciting,thatyoufeltyoucoulddowhatyouweredoingforever?You knew you were making something wonderful, that your work wassuperlative, that youwere performing at your optimal capacity. You probablycouldfeelenergymovingthroughyouandanimatingyourefforts.Ifeltthatwaywhen I was a guide on an outdoor “ropes course” designed to help peopleconfront and surmount their fears through rock climbing. I was on the belayteam,holdingthesafetylineforoneof theevents: theverticalrappel.Mostoftheparticipantshadneverdoneanyformofstrenuousexercise,letaloneasheerverticaldescentdownhundredsoffeetofgranite.Manybalkedatthestart.Somecriedastheylookedatthepinetreesfarbelow.

All day we steadied the ropes for them. We directed the energy of supporttowardeachpersonbeforeusasheorshefaceddownthecliff.Wecheeredthemon, assuring them that they could do it. And everyone went over the edge,energizedbyourencouragement.Onehundredandtenpeopleboundeddownthewallthatday.Thatnight,aspeoplesharedtheirexperiences,onethingwasclear:theyhad

feltthevitalizingeffectsofoursupport.Manysaidithadmadethedifferenceintheir completing the event.Thatwasoneof the first times I clearly felt like aconduit. Throughout the day I had felt as though the river of energy carryingpeopledownthemountainhadcomenotfromme,butthroughme.We all have the ability to connect with that incredible flow and direct it

towardwhateverwewanttoaccomplish.WhenIsaythatourtaskashumansistowakeupandbecomeconsciousconduits forenergy, Iambeingvery literal:Wearechannelsthatmovemoneyandotherformsofenergyinthedirectionofourdreamssowecanbringthemtofruition.Thesixprimaryformsofenergythatwetalkaboutinthisworkare:

MoneyTimePhysicalvitalityEnjoymentCreativity

SupportoffriendsWeuse theseformsofenergy toenergizeourgoals, tohelp themacross the

Border between metaphysical reality and physical reality. To develop mypractice, I ultimately used all six. I investedmoney and time. I used physicalvitality tostayhealthyandkeepupmystamina. I lovedwhat Iwasdoinganddeveloped creative approaches to getting clients. I had the support of manyfriendswhoheldmyhand,gavemepeptalks,andevenreferredfriendstome.How dowe knowwhenwe are successful with our goals? In theYou and

MoneyCourse,wesaythat“successisdoingwhatyousaidyouwoulddo—withease.”IknewIhadbeensuccessfulwithmypracticewhenIhad thirtyclientsandonegroupaweek,andwhenIhaddonethatwithease.

DOINGLIFETHEEASYWAY

Formanyofus,doingwhatwesaidwewoulddoisnothingnew.Thechallengeforusistodosowithease.WhenIsaythatsuccessisdoingwhatyousaidyouwoulddo,withease,people’sfacesdon’tclenchupuntilIgetto“withease.”I’d likeyou to take a deepbreath right nowand askyourself this question:

“Woulditbeallrightwithmeif lifegoteasier?”This issomethingI’veaskedmyselfformanyyears—andamstillasking.Youmight think that it should elicit an automatic “Yes!” But guess again!

When Iaskpeople, there is sometimesamomentofhesitationas thequestionsinks in. Perhaps we get used to doing things the hard way. Remember theslogan“Nopain,nogain”?Orwe think that ifwe relaxourguard, thingswill getworse.For example,

don’tyoureallybelieve,inyourheartofhearts,thatthebestwaytosucceedistodothingsonyourown,withoutdependingonthesupportofothers?Haven’tyouthoughtthataskingforhelpisasignofweakness,thatheroesdon’taskforhelp?Ifyouthinkofyourselfasaloner,jointhecrowd!MostofushavebeentaughttobeLoneRangers,ruggedindividualistswhoareproudofourabilitytotoughitout.Doingitalone,depletingourenergyinsteadofmagnifyingitbyworkingwithothers,isdefinitelydoingitthehardway.Wehaveavarietyofwaystomakelifeharderthanitneedbe.Sometimeswe

areafraidoffailing,andworrythatitmeanstheendoftheworld.We’veheardfamiliarsayingssuchas“Ifyouarenotfailing,youarenotaiminghighenough,”butwesay toourselves,“Yeah,sure!Whoeversaid thathasneverbeen inmyposition.” Sowe go through life playing it safe, or taking it personally everytimewedo fail at something.The energy cost is tremendous aswedivert thetime and attention that could be energizing our dreams into concerns aboutfailure.WhenfearoffailurebecomesatopicfortheMonkeyMind,itcanstopusinourtracks.I am not recommending that you deliberately seek out failure or have a

cavalier attitude about it. But becoming preoccupied or perfectionistic in aneffort to avoid mistakes and never looking at failure as positive feedback isdoinglifethehardway.Failure-phobiacangobbleupallthebreathingroomforcreativity, spontaneity, and learning in your life.You become old before yourtime when you trade your dreams for illusions of security, huddling in your

familiarhutsandrutsforever,notventuringforthonyourhero’spath.HelenKeller,blindanddeaffromthetimeshewasnineteenmonthsold,said

something that I have carried with me for the days when all I want to do isretreatintothesimplesecurityofnomistakes:“Securityismostlyasuperstition.Itdoesnotexistinnature,nordothechildrenofmenasawholeexperienceit.Avoidingdangerisnosaferinthelongrunthanoutrightexposure.Lifeiseitheradaringadventureornothing.”Lifeishardwhenyoudon’tdowhatyoutrulyvaluebecauseyouareputting

allyourenergyintotryingtogetridofyourfearsratherthanintomaterializingyourdreams.Whenyou’restuckwithinyourcomfortzone,lifebecomesstifling—andtherefore,veryuncomfortable!Inaparadoxicalway,theeasylifeincludestheexperienceofdiscomfort.Itiswhenwetrytoavoidnaturallyoccurringpainordiscomfortthatlifebecomesdifficult.

DEALINGWITHDISCOMFORT

DiscomfortisaworthycompanionattheBorder.Andanytimeyouexaminetheblocksandleaksinyourlifethatdissipateyourmoneyenergy,you’regoingtofeeluncomfortable.IntheYouandMoneyCourse,thedirectorofalargecountyagencytoldmethatshewouldsoonerwalkoverhotcoalsthanfigureouthowmuchsheowesinbacktaxes.Ifthissoundssillytoyou,Iguaranteethatthereissome aspect of your relationship with money that you have not looked atbecauseitispainfulforyou.Thisisanaturalresponse.Thekeytoaneasylifeistolearntousefearanddiscomfortasteachers.Fear

maybeasignforyoutoexploreanotherpath.Discomfortmayindicatethatyouare at the edge of your predictable territory. Another woman in the You andMoneyCourse reported thesediscomforts theday shepromised to adduphercredit-carddebt.But insteadof runningback to a familiar placeof avoidance,shefacedthedragonandconfrontedamajorblocktohermoneyenergy—andasaresultwasabletofreeupmoreenergyinherlife.Let me give you another example. Roger had a dream of opening a bagel

bakery.Heworkedforastateagencyandwascomfortableinhisjob.Buthehadavisionofowningabakerythatmadethebestbagelsaround.HeevenvisitedChicagoandNewYork tocheckout thebestbagel flour,one thathad just therightamountofgluten.Whenhecamebackhomeand looked seriouslyatopeninghis store,Roger

panicked.Shouldhereallyleaveacomfortablejobwithbenefitsandgooutonhisown?Maybeheshouldputoffhisdreamuntilafterretirement,sevenyearsdowntheline.Tocrosstheseborders,hedecidedtolooksquarelyathisfearandturn it into anally.Hebrought in a friend to formabusinesspartnership, andworkedatthestorehimselfonlypart-timeatfirst.Rogeralsomadesurehehadthe support of hiswife and friends. Two years later, he left his regular job toopenanotherbageloutlet,andbothstoresaredoingwell.Roger’sdecisionmaynothaveworkedforyouandyourdream.Onlyyoucan

seewhatlessonsareatyourborder.Buteveryone’sdecisionrequiresthatheorshebeclearaboutwhathisorherchoicesare,andbewillingtofacediscomfortandanalyzeitssource.

DOINGLIFEWITHSTRUGGLE

Theoppositeofeaseisstruggle—not,asmanythink,workinghard.Youcanworkhardwithease.Let’ssayyou’vedecidedtoswitchcareersfrom

architecturetofineart,andyou’reworkingonasculpture.Youhaveavisionofthe shape you’d like the stone to take, and you set aside time to work on it,finding that you’re engrossed and focused as you do the hard physical andmentalworkofchiselingandpolishing.Youspendhoursontheproject,butthetime passes quickly. You may emerge hours later, having lost track of time,coveredwithmarble dust butwith a smile on your face.You’re pushing yourlimits, but there’s a sense of fun as you immerse yourself in the process ofcreating.You’reworkinghard,butit’sfilledwithasenseofease.The struggle occurs only when you begin to heed the Monkey Mind

conversationsthatariseasyousketchouttheproject.You’reenergizedbyyourvisionandevenbuyaslabofmarble,butasyoubegin,doubtsandworriesassailyou:“DoIreallyhaveenoughtalenttodothisright?CanIfinishitwell?Idon’treallyhavethetimetodothisnow.HowcanIpullawayfromawell-payingjobtodosomethingfrivolouslikethis?Imustbenuts.”The more you dance with these conversations, repeating them, or even

analyzing why you’re feeling this way, the more your energy is sucked intofighting with Monkey Mind—instead of sculpting. You might postpone theproject,decidingtowaituntilyoufeelcomfortablebeforepickingupthechisel.Oryoumayabandonyour sculpture, andyourdream,completely.This is truestruggle.Monkey Mind’s chatter can be a siren’s song. As we move toward our

financialgoalsanddreams,wecanloseourselvesifwelistentoMonkeyMindtellingus,“Nextyear,whenthingsclearup,whenIgetmylifetogether,thenI’llgoforit.There’sjusttoomuchonmyplaterightnow.”I’vefoundthatthingsdonotusually“clearup”—andthatevenif theydo,somethingequallydistractinggenerallytakestheirplace.MonkeyMind is not your cheerleader. It doesn’t tell you, “Listen to those

peoplewhoareencouragingyoutotakearisk.There’sbeenalotofcareputintomakingthisasaferopescourse.Goforit!”Itwon’twhisperinyourear,“Youdohavewhat it takes tobe financiallysuccessful! Justbewilling towakeupandlearnsomethingnew.Youcandoit!”

The hero’s journey is not about abolishing Monkey Mind, because it willnever really go away. It’s always at the Border between metaphysical andphysical reality. You don’t cross the Border just once to manifest a Life’sIntentionintheformofaphysicalgoal.Thisisanongoingprocessforthehero,andMonkeyMindwillbewaitingforuseachtimeweapproachtheBorder.WewillcrosstheBorderoften,andMonkeyMindwillbethereeverytime.This iswhywe say that enlightenmentmay be nothingmore than a simple

shiftofattentionandenergy,awayfromMonkeyMindandtowardyourgoals.

TRAININGFORSUCCESS

YoucrosstheBordertowardsuccesswhenyoutakewhatIcallAuthenticAction—even as MonkeyMind continues to whisper in your ear. Authentic Actionhappens in physical reality, but it is aligned inmetaphysical realitywith yourtruenature. It reflectsyour trueLife’s Intentions.AuthenticActionmovesyouclosertoyourgoal—orcleansupamesslikebacktaxessothatyouarefreetomovetowardyourgoal.Speaking engagements were Authentic Actions toward my goal of a

successful practice. Getting a pedicure might have been a positive, nurturingaction,butitwouldnothavebeenanAuthenticActiontowardthatgoal.When I say to takeAuthenticAction, I’mnot saying,“Justdo it!”Muchof

whatwe“justdo”keepsusbusybutleavesusspinninginplace.Ifwewanttogiveourdreamsphysicalform,wemusttakeactionsthatfocusenergy.In each of the following chapters, you’ll be asked to act on one of the 12

Principles that serve as guideposts for your journey.You’ll knowyou’ve trulylearnedtheenergylessonwhenyouseetheprincipleinactioninyourdailylife.Youarethegatekeeperwhoopensthewayinfrontofyou.Actionturnsthekeyto the next level of energy, and then the next. If you keep taking AuthenticActionthatreflectswhatyou’velearned,youwillsucceed.Remember,successisdoingwhatyousaidyouwoulddo,withease.Period.

Successshowsuponlyinphysicalreality, throughtakingaction.AsmyfriendReverendJohnnieColemonsays,“Howdoyouspellsuccess?W-O-R-K!”You are being successfulwhen you consistently keep yourword over time.

The promises don’t have to be enormous. If you take on toomuch, youmayscatterenergyanddeteryourselffromdemonstratingfinancialsuccess.Mostofushavetostartsmall,gainconfidence,andthenmakebiggerpromises.It’slikeweighttraining.Youstartoutwithverylittleweight,andaddweightasyougainstrength.Startbylearningtomakesmallpromises—andkeepthem.Whenyoudo that consistently, over time, you can startmaking bigger ones.Meanwhile,youexperiencesuccessateachlevel.IalwaysthinkofSally,whohadnoideawhatfinancialsuccessmeantwhen

shecametotheYouandMoneyCourse,butwholearnedtostartsmallandgetbig.Sallytoldme,“Irememberwantingtohaveafinancialportfolio.ButIwasjust off ofwelfare.Noone inmy family ever invested in anything.Wedidn’t

havethemoney.ThenIthought:‘Okay,ifbeingsuccessfulreallymeanskeepingpromises over time, then what happens if, as a housecleaner, I save $100 amonthoutofmypaycheck?’Well,Ididthat.Attheendofthefirstyear,Ihad$1,200toinvest,andIstartedtheportfoliowithsomemutualfund.”IsawSallytwoweeksaftershemadeherinitialinvestment.Shewaswalking

on air. She was so excited that she decided to save even more every month,startingwith$150.Todayshehasasizableportfolio.Sheisdemonstratingwhatitistobefinanciallysuccessful.Herself-esteemiswayup.SallyisawalkingmanifestationofanimportantlessonIlearnedafewyears

ago:Don’twaituntilyourself-esteemishighenoughbeforeyoutakeAuthenticAction. When you take Authentic Action, your self-esteem will rise naturally.SallyisanexampleIuseformyselfwheneverI’mtemptedtodoubtthis.Theworkwedotogethermaybechallengingoruncomfortable,anditwon’t

alwayscomeattheperfecttimeforyou—whentherearenodistractionsorstressinyourlife.Butifyoustickwithitandletmecoachyouinthis,youwillfeelthelightnessandreliefthatcomefromclearingawaytheobstaclesthathavestoodbetweenyouandyourheart’sdesire.Theenergyyou’llunleashasyoumastereachof the12Principles is thedelight and satisfactionof seeingyourdreamscometrue.

THEHERO’SCONTRIBUTION

It is challenging to face the “dark side” of how you handle money—or thedoubts,fears,worries,andthwartedhopesthatmayappear.Sometimesit’shardtosee thehidden treasure,butwhenwe tell the truthaboutwhatwesee,evenwhenwedon’twanttoseeit,we’regivenevenmorestrength.Insomeearlymyths,theheromakesnoattempttoslaythedragon.Hemerely

turnstofaceit,neitherrunningfromitnorfightingit,andsometimesevenasksthedragonwhatithastoteachhim.Thedragonthenbecomesanallythathelpshimalonghispath.The heroic myth is enacted time and again in contemporary fiction and

movies. In theStarWars trilogy, forexample,LukeSkywalker travels throughall the stages described above as he learns to become a conscious conduit ofenergy—TheForce. In thefinalscenesofReturnof theJedi,heat last throwsdown his sword and turns to face Darth Vader, saying, “I will not fight you,Father.”Hisnemesisbecomeshis ally, andDarthVader then savesLuke fromtheevilEmperor.Oncemorethedragonistransformedintoapowerfulally,thistimeintheformofalovingfather.Byfacingthetruthandmakingallies,wegainenergyandpower.Byseeing

and acknowledging difficulties,we enable ourselves to face our obstacles andattainourgoalsanddreams.Whenwedon’tsucceed,itissometimesbecauseourgoalsarenotconnected

to our Life’s Intentions, our Standards of Integrity, or our deep desire tocontribute.Theyarenot inspiredbya largerpurpose,andwithout thatcontextwebecomemyopic.Weareuninspired.Ourgoalslanguish,andsodowe.To complete the hero’s journey, we must awaken to our own power and

potential tomanageenergy.Bybecomingmoreconsciousofwhowe trulyareandwhat we trulywant in life, and by bringing those powerfulmetaphysicalelements throughAuthentic Action into physical reality, wewill discover ourpersonalmissionandsimultaneouslyfindhappiness,success,andfulfillment.Thefirststepisfairlysimple.Youneedtobewillingtoattainallthisandto

dealwithanychallengesinyourway.Inthenextchapteryou’lllearnhowtobewillingandopenyourheartandmindtoenergy.

PARTI

PRINCIPLE1

Beingwilling is simply thepower to say “Yes”—even in themidst of doubts,worries,fears,dislikes,objections,andallyourMonkeyMindconversations.Itgivesyoueverythingyouneedtodevelopapowerfulrelationshipwithmoney.Beingwillingcouldbecalled theone trueactof“being.” Itcalls forthwho

you are in your heart and transcends the chattering of Monkey Mind. Beingwillingisyourtickettoalifeofcreativity,power,andfulfillment.Itwillchangethecourseofyourlife.Sometimeswe think that power comeswith the ability to say “no,” but it’s

actuallytheotherwayaround.Developmentalpsychologistspointoutthat“no”is the first word a two-year-old learns to differentiate himself from others,primarily fromMom.Someofus learn later in life tosay“no” inanassertiveway—andprideourselvesondoingit.But the next phase of development for all of us is learning to say “yes” to

whateverisonourplate,andrealizingthateverythingwefindinourlivestodayisheretowakeusup.

WILLINGVS.WANTING

Youcanbewillingtodosomethingyoudon’twanttodo.Youcanhaveallsortsofopinionsanddistractingthoughtsandstillbewillingtotakeactionwhenit’snecessary. A pregnant woman does not want to go through the discomfort ofchildbirth,butsheiswilling.Youmaynotwanttobalanceyourcheckbooktothepenny,anditmayeven

seempointlesstodosoifyouhaven’tbalanceditinyears.Butthetruepowerofthehero isunleashedwhenyou say, “Yes, I’mwilling todo it. I’mwilling towakeupinanyareawhereImayhavebeenasleep,includingthisone.”Youcanhaveallkindsofopinionsaboutwhyitwouldbeimpossibleforyoutobalanceyourcheckbook,orwhyit’sunnecessarytogotoafinancialplannerorcreateawill,andstillbewillingtodoso.Just knowing that you arewilling can energize you.When you arewilling,

youcalluponsomethinginsideyouthatisenormouslypowerfulandmuchlargerthanMonkeyMind.Youtapintothecoreofyourbeing.Formanyofus,gainingaccess to that core is anempoweringand sometimes spiritual experience.Andthemoreyouoperatefrombeingwilling,ratherthanfromthesurfacecomplaintsandnatteringofMonkeyMind,themoreconsciousyoubecomeandthegreaterthetransformationsyou’llhaveinyourrelationshipwithmoneyandinyourlife.We all have witnessed or heard about inspiring stories of people who are

willing to dowhat they don’twant to do.One example forme isMargaret, acomputer programmer living in SiliconValley. She had a homewith an extrabedroom that she rented out to a friend. For months she collected the rent,pocketed it“under the table,”andwentaboutherbusiness.Shedecidednot totell herCPA about this arrangement, because she didn’twant to pay anythingextratotheIRS.OnedayaftertheYouandMoneyCourse,shewroteme:

MARGARET:Ididn’twanttoreportthatincome—butwhenIsawIcouldbewillingtodowhatIdidn’twanttodo,somethingshiftedinsideofme.Idecided to report it after all, because it seemed like the right thing todo.Thestrangestpartofthisisthat,afterdoingsomesimplecalculations,myCPAdeterminedthatI’dactuallygetsomeincometaxdeductionsbyhavingthisrenter. Iwasgoingtogetmoneyback!BybeingwillingtodowhatIdidn’twanttodoforfearoflosingmoney,Iactuallymademoney.Buteven

moreimportant,themomentIbecamewillingtocleanupmy“moneyact,”abigweight liftedoffofme.Now it’s clear tome that I’mwilling tobefinanciallysuccessfulwithease.

Successfulpeoplearewilling.Ihavefoundthatpeoplewhoaresuccessfulare

willingtolookattheimportantquestionsandlearntheimportantlessonsthatarebeforethem.Suchquestionsmightinclude:

WhatdoIreallywanttodowithmylife?WhatdoIreallywanttousemymoneyfor?WhatarethetalentsthatIwanttodevelop?

Successfulpeoplemaynotwanttolookatthesekindsofquestions.Theymay

beafraidofwhat they’llseeorwhat they’llneedtodo,but theyarewillingtolook.Theyarewillingtodowhat theydon’twant todo.Theydon’twaituntiltheyareintherightmoodoruntilMonkeyMindquietsdown—andthat’swhatmakesthemsosuccessful.WhenwediscussPrinciple9,I’mgoingtosuggest thatyouwritedownany

unfinishedmoneybusinessthatoccurstoyouasyouread,sothatyoucanclearitup.Thismightincludepayingneglectedloans,gettingappropriateinsurance,ormakinggoodonanypromisesyouhavemaderegardingmoney.Doyouwanttodothis?Probablynot.MonkeyMindwillencourageyoutoskip thisone.Itwillsuggesttoyouthatthisismake-worknonsense.Butdespitenotwantingtodosuchexercises,areyouwilling?The answer to that question is either yes or no—not maybe or probably.

Saying “yes” gives you power. It cuts off the alternatives. That’s how beingwillingworks.Areyouwillingtodiscoveryourrelationshipwithmoneyandtobesuccessfulathandlingtheenergyofmoney?Theansweriseitheryesorno.ListenbeyondyourMonkeyMinddoubts andworries to the still voicewithinyou.Whatdoyouhear?

BEYONDTHEPSYCHOLOGICALAPPROACH

You may notice that I am not using the word “willingness.” That’s becausewillingness is something you have. It seems to exist outside of you. It issomethingyoupossess,notsomethingyouare.Tobewilling,however,isastateofbeing.Itissomethingthatexistsinsideyou,andispartofyou.It is the difference between saying that I have something, which can be

diminishedorwithdrawn,anddependsoncircumstances, and Iam something.Wouldyouratherhave financialsuccessorbe financiallysuccessful?With thesecondoption,youownthequalityassomethingthatyougenerate.Itispartofwhoyouare.Itcomesfromyourcenter,yourinnercore,yourpersonalstrength.Fate can give you financial success when you win the lottery or pull the

handleofawinningslotmachineinLasVegas.Buttobefinanciallysuccessfultakes qualities that endure whatever the external circumstances. That’s why,whenaskedwhatwouldhappen if they lostall theirmoney,manypeoplewhoare financially successful say that they’d have it back in a few years. Lotterywinnerscan’tsaythat.Thisdistinctionmayseemtrivial,butitisimportantbecausethiswholebook

is based on a spiritual as well as a psychological approach. The spiritualapproach isbasedonknowingour truebeing,onknowingwhoweare.Ratherthan probing and analyzing our thoughts and feelings, as a psychologicalapproachdoes,thespiritualapproachsays,“Noticethesethoughtsandattitudes.Theymaynevergoaway.Theyarepartofbeinghuman.Don’t analyze them,justobservethem.We’regoingtomoveforward,whethertheyremainornot.”Many other books take only a psychological approach to financial success.

They look at why you are doing what you are doing, and why you have theattitudes and thoughts you do. With a spiritual approach, you go beyondpsychologicalinterpretation.Youobservehowyouhavethingshookedupwithinyou.Theoperativeprinciplehereisthatwhenyoucanobservesomething,itnolongerhasaholdonyou.Nothinginthisbook,eventheexerciseinwritingyourmoneyautobiography in this chapter,will askyou toanalyzeyourself. Insteadtheprocessofthisbookisdesignedforyoutogetabird’s-eyeviewofthewholeterrainofyourrelationshipwithmoneysothatyoucanseeitsrichness.Seeingyourselfispartofwakingup,andthatisthefirststeptomasteringtheenergyofmoney.

Under some circumstances, psychological understanding can be animpediment. Some people can become so distracted by their own psychologythat they never take Authentic Action to keep moving along the hero’s path.Insteadofjustseeing,theygetboggeddowninthewhysandwhereforesofhowtheybecameas they are. Just takenoteofyour thoughts, record them inyournotebook,andmoveon.The12Principlesinthisbookwillaskyouagainandagaintogobeyondyour

psychologicalprocessesandinsights.Whenyouhaveclearedyourselfenoughtobewilling, you’ll be better able to use all the information at your disposal torealizeyourgoalsanddreams.Allyoureallyneedistobewilling.

BEINGWILLINGCOMESFIRST

The reason we put this Principle first is that being willing is your ticket ofadmissiontothehero’sjourney.Youcannotbeonthehero’sjourneyasavictim,as a martyr, or because somebody forced you to do it. You must be on thatjourneyofyourownvolition.Andnowhereinlifeisthismorenecessarythaninyour relationshipwithmoney, becausemoney is an areawherewe often feelvictimizedand“madetodo”thingslikebalanceourcheckbooks.The purpose of this book is for you to see how willing you are and have

alwaysbeen.Ihaveseenthatthisistrueofpeopleinmyworkwithmorethan4,500YouandMoneygraduates,andyouwillseeitaboutyourselfbytheendofthisbook.Weneedthepowertobewillingwhenwelookatourrelationshipwithmoney

becausemoneyisabsolutelypervasiveinourlives.Andthisrelationshipdrivesallofusalittlecrazy.Being conscious of how we interact with money sounds straightforward

enough:readthebills,lookatthebankstatement,andvoilà!Buttheenergyofmoney reaches way beyond our wallets and our checking accounts. It’s sopervasive,infact,thatit’sactuallyhardtosee.We’resoimmersedinthecultureofcurrencythataskingustolookatourrelationshipwithmoneyislikeaskingafishtolookatthewaterit’sswimmingin.Itseemsalmostimpossibletoremoveourselves to get an objective view ofwhatwe’re actually doingwith it. Thatmakesbeingconsciousaboutmoneyquiteachallenge.SothatyougetaclearerpictureofwhatI’mtalkingabout,I’dlikeyoutotrya

shortexperiment.Foronetwenty-four-hourperiod,carryasmallnotebook,andwritedowneverytimeyouthinkaboutmoney.Includeeverything:theadsyoureadinthemorningpaper,thenumberoftimesyouhearcommercialsonradioorTV,thetimesyourattentionturnstoadsonbillboardsasyoudrivedownthefreeway.Jotdown times thatyou thinkaboutyoursalaryor income, the timesyousellsomethingtoacustomer,thetimesyoumakeapurchase,thethoughtsyouhaveaboutinvesting.Youmightthinkthiswouldbeeasy,butactuallymostpeoplewho’vetriedit

havehadtostopafterjustanhourortwo—becauseotherwise,they’dhavetoputtheirlivesonholdandwriteinthatnotebooknonstop.Youwillfindthatmoneyisalwaysright there inyourface,orat least lingeringat theperipheryofyour

mind,demandingthatyougiveityourattention.Doingthisexperimentwasenlighteningforme.BetweenthetimeIgotupand

readabout interest rates in themorningpaperand the timeIsatdownanhourlatertowatchmyfavoritemorningTVshow,Ihadthoughtaboutmoneyatleastsixty times. I’d consideredbuyingabout fortydifferent items, fromavan to aspecialcreditcard,fromjoiningaCDclubtoaCaribbeancruise.Evenmore disconcerting was that I felt a perpetual tug—an urge to spend

moneyIdidn’thavetobuysomethingIdidn’tneed.Formostitems,theimpulselastedaboutoneminutebeforeaninnervoicesaid,“Youreallydon’tneedthat.”But the truthwas, I had felt I needed something—at least forty times. If youtrack the times you think aboutmoney in one hour and thenmultiply this bysixteen—thenumberofhoursyouareawake—youcangetasenseofhowmuchmentalenergyyoupourintothisphenomenoncalledmoney.Notably,notasinglevoiceinthatmorningcacophony(“Buyme!Spendme!

Youneedmenow!”)urgedmetostepback,connectwithmydreams,anddirectmyattentionandmoneyenergytowardmygenuinegoals.InsteadIfeltbuffeted,fragmented, and pulled among competing desires and demands. That samescatteredfeeling,andtheconfusionitcreates,fillsourlivesunlesswetakestepstobuildapowerful and focused relationshipwithmoney.Nowonderwehavetroublesortingoutwhatwewantandwhereallourmoneyenergyisgoing!Yes,wearecrazyaboutmoney.

MONEYMADNESS

Muchaswe’dliketopretendthatitdoesn’thappen,weallknowthatwegetnutsaroundmoney,oreventhepromiseofit.Rememberwhenwetalkedaboutlifebeingahologram?Youcanjusttellfromthefollowingstoriesthattheperson’smoneylifeisaffectingeverythingelse.

ALEX: I’mafraid to admit this, but I’mputtingoff trying formygoalsanddreamsuntilaftermyparentsdie,whenI’llinheritthemoneytheyleftme.Don’t getmewrong, I love them.But I just realized that I have thisthoughtinthebackofmyheadthatIdon’thavetolookatmyrelationshipwithmoneyrightnow,orpaydownmydebts.ThatonedayI’llhavelotsmore,andthatwillmakeeverythingallright.

CLAIRE:Ihavethisneedtogiveallmymoneyaway.It’slikeIdon’tdeserveit,eventhoughIworkhardasaschooladministratortoearnit.Lastyear I cosigned andput a downpayment on a car formy sister.Lookingback,IseeIinsistedondoingthisbecauseIthoughtshereallyneededmeto.Friendstoldmetoletherfigureouthowtogetthecarforherself,sinceshe’s twenty-eight years old.But I didn’t think she could do it.Anyway,threemonths agowe had a fight. She’s not talking tome. She’s stoppedpayingonthecar,andit’sshowinguponmycreditrating.

NAOMI:IhidewhatIbuyfrommyhusband.Ilovetoshop.HesaysIspendtoomuchonclothes.Well,IknowwhatIwant.Ibuyit,takeithome,cutoffthepricetags,andputitonthetopshelfofmycloset.Sixmonthsorso later, I take it out. If he askswhether or not it’s new, I can say “No”withoutlying.Afterall,Iboughtitquiteawhileback,didn’tI?

Allofus,atsometimeinourlives,haveactedinbizarrewayswheremoney

wasconcerned.AsJacobNeedleman,authorofMoneyandtheMeaningofLife,says,“Wedon’tevenknowwhatitmeanstobenormalwithmoney.”Many of us begin acting crazilywithmoneywhenwe are very young. For

example,whenyouwereachilddidyoueverdosomethinglikeeatabugforadollar? Steal money from your parents’ wallets? Take candy, toys, or comicbooks from the market without paying for them? In your teens did you ever

practice “mooning” from your friend’s car, up and down your main street,because someone bet you $20 you wouldn’t do it? If these examples do notsoundfamiliar,I’llbetyoucanremembersomethingsimilar!Justfindthatoldvideotapeinyourmindandplayitbackforamoment.Eventoday,theremaybesomethingyouwoulddoformoneythatwouldbe

totallyoutofcharacter foryou.Try thefollowing thoughtexperimentandsee.Theonlyrequirementisthatyoutellthetruth.If someoneofferedyou$10,000,000cash, tax free,wouldyoubewilling to

run down the main street of your city absolutely naked at high noon on aweekday?If you are tempted to say “No”quickly,wait amoment. Imagine a suitcase

filledwith ten thousand$1,000bills.Thinkaboutwhatyoucoulddowith thatmoney. Now answer the question. If you still answer no, then think aboutsomethingtotallyoutofcharacterforyouthatyouwoulddoformoney.Takingthisabitfurther,ifyouanswered“Yes”torunningnaked,wouldyou

bewilling todo this if someoneofferedyou$1,000,000cash?What if itwereonly $100,000? $10,000? Do you notice how your modesty and sense ofreluctanceincreaseastheamountofmoneydecreases?Ofcourse,therearemanythingswewouldnotdonomatterhowmuchmoney

wewereoffered.But there aremany things that thepromiseofmoney,or thethreatoflosingit,inducesustotolerate.Lookatthisforyourself:

• Are you hanging on to a job that is psychologically, emotionally, andphysicallydrainingbecauseitprovidesyouwithgoodhealthorretirementplans(bothofwhichyouwillneedsoonifyoucontinuetoomuchlongeratthisjob)?•Areyouholdingontoarelationshipbecauseitprovidesyouwithfinancial

security,eventhoughitiscleartobothofyouthatseparationwouldbethebestforyouremotionalandspiritualwell-being?•Haveyouever stayedawakeatnight,wonderingwhereyou’llget enough

money to pay the bills, only to go out on a buying bingewhen somemoneyfinallydoescomein?•Whatkindofdecisionshaveyoumade in lifebecauseyou thought that if

youdidn’t sayyes tosomethingyoudidn’twant todo,youwouldn’thave themoneyyouneed?

Thesearetoughquestionstoconsiderbecausethey,too,reflectapotentformofmoneycraziness.Itisnoteasytoadmittoourselvesthatwhenpresentedwith

thequestion“Doyouwant joyand fulfillment—orwouldyouprefermoney?”wehaveoftencalmlyanswered,“I’lltakethecash.”Is it any wonder that we want to change the subject when faced with the

opportunitytogetatruepictureofhowwe’reusingmoney’senergyinourlives?When the important questions come up, we may get tired. Or we’ll have asudden impulse to make those phone calls we’ve been putting off. Or we’llbecomeconsumedwith“moreurgent”questionslikewheretotakeavacationorhowtogethigherinterestratesonoursavingsorlowerratesonourcreditcards.Thesemaybeimportanttasksintheirownright,butwhentheycontinuallyacttopushusawayfromwhatweneedtoknow,see,anddo,theyfunctionjustlikethe other distractions created by our MonkeyMind. They keep us stuck andunconscious,rightwhereweare.Thecentralquestionisthis:Whatexactlydoyouneedtobewillingtodoin

ordertotranscendmoneymadnessandMonkeyMind,andbringyourgoalsanddreamsintoreality?Youneedtobewillingtotakefoursteps.I’veorganizedthesefourstepsinto

whatIcalltheCoachingModel.

THECOACHINGMODEL

TheCoachingModelisyourkeytobeinggreaterthanyourmentalchatter,andhavingwhatyouwantinlifeevenwhenMonkeyMindgetsveryloud.ThefourstepsoftheCoachingModelare:

LookSeeTellthetruthTakeAuthenticAction

Wewillusethismodelrepeatedlyinthecourseofthisbook.Itisoneofthe

mostpowerfultoolsIcanofferyou.Themoreyoupracticethesefoursteps,themoreeasilyyou’llproceedalongyourpathtowardyourgoals.Take a moment now and write them in your notebook before we go any

further.Nowlet’slookatthestepsoftheCoachingModeloneatatime.

Step#1:Look

When you look at something, you direct your attention toward it.When youlook, you focus energy. In The Holographic Universe, Michael Talbot citesstudiesthatseemtoindicatethattheconsciousnessofthephysicistconductingagiven experiment on quantum particles affects the way they appear. Our ownconsciousnesschangesthewayweperceiveourlifeandtheworldaroundus.Inbiofeedback,whenapersonbringsherattentiontohercoldhandswiththe

intention of warming them, blood and energy actually flow to her hands. Inclinicalstudiesofvisualizationsdonebypatientswithbrokenbones,theenergygeneratedbyvisualizingtheimageofbonesknittingtogetherhelpedtheactualboneshealfasterthanthoseofpatientswhodidnotvisualize.Lookingat something is simple,but it’snotalwayseasy.That’sbecausewe

getinterferencefromourtravelingcompanion:MonkeyMind.

Suppose I asked you to look at whether or not you leak money. Leakingmoneyisallowingittotricklethroughyourhandswithoutknowingwhereitisgoing—oreventhat itisgoing.Youmay,forexample,startoutthedaywitha$20billinyourwalletandendthedaywith$2.97,notknowingwheretheother$17.03went.It’s enlightening to see just where your wallet springs a leak, but this

experimentcansometimesbeunexpectedlydifficult.AlltoooftenMonkeyMindchimes in,andyoumaynotice thatevenasyou turnyourattention toward thequestionofleakingmoney,MonkeyMind’svoicetellsyou:

•“Ireallydon’thavetodothis.”•“Thisismeantforotherpeople.Mymoneylifeisfine.”•“IknowIdon’thavetimetodothiswork.What’sthepoint,anyway?”•“It’sagreatidea,butthisisreallyabadtime.Whydon’tIlookatthiswhen

I’mnotsostressedout?”

All I ask is thatwhen yourMonkeyMind begins to chatter, you say to it,“Thankyouforsharing”—andcontinuetolook.The question becomes: Are you willing to look at how you leak money,

despitetheonslaughtofobjectionsfromyourMonkeyMind?Themomentyouanswer,“Yes,IamwillingtokeepmyattentionfocusedonwhatI’mdoing—nomatterhowinconvenientoruncomfortableitseems,”youhavetakenahugesteptowardconsciousaction.Youare,infact,atStep#2.

Step#2:See

Toseemeanstonotice,examine,ordiscern.Theactofseeingcanbringintotheforegroundthoughtsandactionsthathavebeenthereallalongbutthatmayhavebeen outside your awareness. For instance, once you look thoroughly at themoneyleaksinyourlife,youmayseethatyoulovetobuyquicksnacksontheway toworkeverymorning,or thatyouhavea“Velcrohand”every timeyoupass themagazines at a checkout stand.Or youmay see that you do not leakmoneyandinfactyoudonotspendenoughmoneyonyourself.Ittakescouragetohangintherelongenoughto“see”what’sgoingoninyour

relationship withmoney. At the very least, it takes energy and persistence to

penetrate the shroud of confusion that often surrounds our relationship withmoney.Inlargeseminars,whenIaskpeopleiftheyknowtheirnetworth,Iseeeyesglazeover.IfIfollowupbyaskingthemiftheyknowhowtheyreallywanttousemoneyintheirlives,theroomgoesdeadaltogether.Twohundredpeoplelookinglikezombies!It’squiteanexperience,sedationbyMonkeyMind.Wheneveryouareaskedtoseesomeaspectofyourrelationshipwithmoney,

MonkeyMindbegins tochatter. It invitesyou to stopby tellingyou,“There’snothingthere.Don’tbother.Andanyway,ifthereweresomethingthere,itwouldbetoohardtosee.”Butifyouconcentratelongenough,apicturewillbegintotakeshapedespiteMonkeyMind’sadvice.This process is like looking at stereograms, those computergenerated dot

patterns that reveala three-dimensional image ifyoushiftyourperceptionandseeitinaparticularway.Isawanimagelikethisforthefirsttimeonaposterina card shop. The caption said something about a school of dolphins, but all Icouldseeweredots.IthoughtitwasajokeuntilInoticedtheseven-andeight-year-oldswho’dpassby,stareatthedotsforamoment,andthenturnaroundayell,“Mom,lookatthedolphins!”I stood there a long time, trying to figure out what was going on. Then

graduallythebackgroundinthepicturerecededandIsawthreedolphinsleapingtowardme.It tookenergy to staywith the confusingdesignuntil a shape emerged, and

that’s what you’ll notice as you try to see patterns in your relationship withmoney.Where are you conscious aboutmoney?Unconscious?What are yourpersonalcriteriaforfinancialsuccess?Whatgoalsexciteyou?Writedownsomeofyouranswerstothesequestionsinyournotebook.Ifyou’rehavingtroubledeterminingyouranswersrightnow,don’tworry.It

willgeteasier.Theonlyrequirementisthatyoubewillingtoseethepatternsinyour behavior that present themselves. Thank Monkey Mind for sharing anyobservationsitmayhave,andshiftyourattentionbacktowhatisathand.

Step#3:TelltheTruth

Toactpowerfullywith theenergyofmoney,youhave tobewilling to tell thetruthaboutwhatyousee.Telling the truth is different frombeing honest.The distinctionwemake in

this work is that honesty includes all your thoughts, feelings, judgments,emotions,andevenyourbodysensations.Forinstance,asyoubegintoseehow

youleakmoney,youmaynoticethoughtsandfeelingslike:

•“IknowIdoleakalotofmoney.ButIworksohard,Ineedtreats.”•“Ihatetoleakmoney.I’msurprisedathowmuchIdospendunconsciously.”•“Iprobablylearnedthisfrommyfather.”

These arehonest responses.Theyare a candid, frank, and sincere reportingabouttheexperience.Ittakescouragetobehonest,especiallywhenweownuptothoughtsorfeelingsthatweconsidertobeweak,silly,orembarrassing.Butit’simportanttogoastepbeyondhonesty.Honestyclears thewayfor the truth.WhenIusetheword truth, Imean the

accurate facts or reality of a situation.The truth iswhat happened in physicalreality. It’s what is so. The truth is measurable and objective, withoutembellishment.Forexample,tellingthetruthmightbe:“Ispend$70amonthoncappuccinoandsconesbeforework.”Thisisnotaninterpretationorapersonalevaluation.Itisafact.When it comes toemotionallychargedmatters, telling the truth isdefinitely

easiersaidthandone.MonkeyMindgoeswild.

RON: My son left his new, radio-controlled miniature race car in thedriveway.Itoldhimtostowitinthegaragesoitwouldn’tgetwrecked,buthedidn’tdowhatIsaid,anditgotrunoverwhenIpulledmycaroutofthedriveway thismorningon theway towork. Igotoutand toldhimwhat Ithoughtofthis—howcarelesshewas,howangryhemademe.Whenwillhelearn?

No one would fault this irate father for the way he felt. His thoughts and

feelingsareabsolutelyfitting.Hissonmayneedaverbalwake-upcall.Theonlythingabsentfromhisstatements is thetruth:Hewastheonewhoranoverthetoy.Now, thisdoesnot excusehis son’s carelessness.ButunlessRon tells thetruth, all he will get from this situation is a sense of righteous indignation.Telling the truth, at least tohimself,mightgivehimsomebreathing room.Hecouldevenaskhimselfifhe’sbeeninsuchahurrylatelythathedoesn’tnoticewhat’sinhisenvironment—inthiscase,asmallracecarparkedonthedriveway.Honestydoesnot,inandofitself,relieveadifficultsituation.Youknowthis

instinctivelywhen someone comesup toyou and says, “Can I behonestwithyouaboutsomething?”Yousensethattheyareabouttotellyouwhattheythink

orfeelaboutyou,andthatitmaynotbeapleasantexperience.Sureenough,youoften walk away from the conversation irritated, guilty, or angry at the otherperson’shonestopinionsorfeelings.Honestyusuallydoesnotcreatebreathingroom.Forexample,remembermy

storyaboutthe$35,000checkIwroteinexchangeforanunsecuredpromissorynote? I felt angry, resentful, humiliated, foolish, and guilty when I lost mymoney, and Iwanted to blame the other person formanipulatingme into thisposition.ButevenasIrepeatedthisscenariotofriendsandfamily,Inoticedthattelling the storygavemeno relief. Igotangryoverandoveragain.Thestorywas an honest reflection ofwhat happened, but itwas not entirely true.Whatwasmissing?Iwasleavingoutmypartinthematter.ItwasonlywhenItoldthetruth,thatIhadwillinglywrittenthecheck—and

thatnoonehadforcedmetodoit—thatIbegantoexperiencesomebreathingroom.My friendRita helpedme look at the truth in a conversation thatwentsomethinglikethis:

ME:This guy, he just tookmymoney. I couldkickmyself for trustinghim.

RITA:Hetookyourmoney?Howdidhetakeit?

ME:Hehadmewriteacheck.HepromisedIwouldseea110percentreturnonmymoneyinthreemonths.

RITA:Whowrotethecheck?

ME:Idid!(Growingirritated.)

RITA:Areyousure?

ME:Whatdoyoumean,amIsure?Yes.Iwroteit!(Asyoucantell,Iwasn’tdefensiveatall.)

RITA:Well,didhemakeyouwriteit?Didheforceyouorsomething?

ME:Don’tget cute.No, Iwrote thecheck. I rememberwritingoutthirty-fivethousandand00/100dollars.

By then Iwas starting to get the idea. I did it. Iwas not excusing the con

man’sactions,butthefactofthematterwasthatIhadwrittenthatcheck.Ihad

listenedtotheMonkeyMindconversationinmyhead:“Don’tpayanyattentiontothepeoplewhoaresuspiciousaboutthisdeal.Theydon’tknowwhatthey’retalkingabout.”Ievenrecalledhavingsensedatonepoint that thiswasariskyproposition. I had not listened even tomyself! I recognized that this situationwasmywake-upcall.People often ask me if the truth can always be stated simply. Aren’t there

circumstances in which fact is difficult to separate from interpretation? Yes,thereare.However,I’dlikeyoutobewillingtoferretoutthesimpletruthsaboutyourrelationshipwithmoneyasyouworkwiththisbook.Lookingforthetruth,insteadof spinning in interpretations, is empowering andwill bring you greatrelief.Hereisachart tohelpclarifythedifferencebetweenhonestyandtellingthe

truth:

HONESTY THETRUTHIfeelguiltyaboutspendingsomuchatthemalltoday.(Feelings)

Ispent$45forascarf,$50forablouse,$10forlunch:$50morethanIsaidIwould.

Idon’tthinkIshouldhavetopaysomuchinself-employmenttaxes.

Ididn’tpayallthetaxesIowe.

(Thoughtsandjudgments) Ijustdon’thavethemoneytoopenaChristmassavingsaccount.

Ihaven’topenedtheaccount.

(Justification) It’syourfaultwedon’thaveenoughmoneyforavacation.

Ididn’taskyoutoparticipateinsavingforourtrip.

(Blaming)

When you tell the truth, please do so with liberal doses of compassion foryourself.Ifyoudon’tyoumaysendyourselfthemessagethatlookingatrealitywill only lead you to grief, and that you’re better off remaining in the“comfortable discomfort” of blaming others, external circumstances, or“society.”Infact,tellingthetruthbringsenormousbreathingroomandfreedom

totakeAuthenticAction,thenextstepoftheCoachingModel.YoucanonlytakeAuthenticActionasaresultofgenuinelylooking,seeing,

andtellingthetruth.

Step#4:TakeAuthenticAction

AuthenticActionmoves you forward on your hero’s path. It does one of twothings:

1.Itcleansupamess,likecredit-carddebtorotherunfinishedmoneybusinessthattrapsenergy.2. Itmoves you closer to your goal.Doyouwant to open a newbusiness?

Travel to Tahiti? Write a screenplay? Study comparative religion? Take acookingclassinFrance?Onestepatatime,AuthenticActionwillgetyouthere.

Authentic Action concentrates and amplifies the energy of money. All theinsightandinspirationintheworldmeansnothingifyoudon’ttakeactionthatbringsyouclosertoyourgoalsanddreams.That’swhywesayintheYouandMoneyCourse,“Insightistheboobyprize.”Authenticinsightmaybenice,butitproducesnoresultsinthephysicalworld,wherethehero’sjourneybegins.Iusetheword“authentic”becauseactionaloneisnotsufficient.Actionalone

maywell result in driven behavior,which has the noisy, busy quality of a flybuzzingaroundaroom.Itislikerunninginplace.Itusesalotofenergy,butitdoesn’ttakeyouanynearertoyourdestination.PeoplewhoaresuccessfultakeAuthenticAction—purposeful action thatmoves them towardmanifesting theirgoals.ThereisanobviousnessaboutAuthenticActionthatmakesitunappealingto

thoseofuswhoseeourselvesasbeingmore“complexcharacters.”Wewanttotake actions that speak of our effort, our intelligence, our cleverness. ButAuthenticActionismuchsimplerthanthat.Itasksustoattendtotheobvious,toanswerthequestion:“Who’sBuriedinGrant’sTomb?”AnAuthenticActionforsomeonewithatoothachewouldbetocalladentist.ForthepersonwhowakesupwithaNewYear’sspendinghangover,anAuthenticActionmightbetoopenan automatic-deposit Christmas savings account. For someone wanting to gobacktoschool,itmightbetogetanapplicationforadmission.

Simple.YetbetweentellingthetruthandtakingAuthenticActionisMonkeyMind, advising us thatwe don’t have the time or energy to do anything rightnow.The toothache’snot thatbad.That savingsaccountcanwaituntil the taxreturn shows up in April. We don’t have time right now to visit the collegeadmissionsoffice.Thequestion that confronts all of us is this:Are youwilling to take action,

even if it seems obvious or simple? The woman who spent $70 a month oncappuccinosawthatshehaddevelopedahabitofbuyingfoodwhethershereallywanteditornot.Shedecidedtouse$35amonthformorningtreatsandputtheother$35intoatravelfund.The good news is that every time you take Authentic Action with money,

whateverthatactionis,youarebeingfinanciallysuccessful.Financialsuccessisdoingwhatyou saidyouwoulddowithmoney,withease. It’s somethingyoudemonstrateinthemoment,notagoaloutinfrontofyou.Youcouldstartbeingfinancially successful today, just by taking one small step, and then another,towardchangingyourrelationshipwithmoney.Areyouwillingtolook,see,tellthe truth, and takeAuthenticAction? The next section is your opportunity tobegin.

Exercise:YourMoneyAutobiographyI’d likeyou tospendsome time lookingatyourownrelationshipwithmoney.Thismaybeyourfirstforayintounchartedterritory,andwhatwe’reabouttodomayseemlikeanoddwaytobegin.Butthisexercisewillputalltheworkwe’llbedoinginthepagesaheadintoapersonalcontextforyou.Yourexperiencewithmoney’senergybeganwhenyouwereveryyoung,and

it has shaped theway you handlemoney today.When do you remember firsthearingaboutmoney?Whomwasitfrom?Whatwastheemotionalclimatelikeatthattime?Whendidyoufirstearnmoney?Whendidyouloseit?Theanswerstotheseandotherquestionsintheexercisewillgiveyouaclearpictureof theassociations you bring to any discussion of your personal finances, goals, anddreams.Getout the journalyouareusing torecord theexercises in thisbook.Label

thisexercise“MyMoneyAutobiography.”Giveyourselfat least fortyminutesfor this exercise. You may want to divide the time into ten-minute sections.Makesureyouareinaplacewhereyouwon’tbedisturbed.Youcandothisatyourcomputer,but I strongly recommend thatyouusepenandpaper,becausetheyareportableandaccessible.

Beginbytellingthestoryofyourlifeusingmoneyasthetheme.Beginwithyourearliestchildhoodmemoriesandcontinuerightuptothepresent.Writeinnarrativeform,likethis:“IfirstlearnedaboutmoneywhenIwas…”Letthequestionsbelowsparkyourrecollections.Youdonotneedtoanswer

themall inyourmoneyautobiography.Theyare listedhere tomakeyour taskeasier.Butkeepinmindthatwhenyoufeelastrongurgetoavoidaquestionorlabelitasinsignificant,it’sprobablyoneworthseriouslyconsidering.Remember,youmaynotthinkyouhavethetimeorenergytodothis.Monkey

Mindhasprobablyalreadycomeupwithadozengoodreasonstoskipontothenext chapter. But if you are willing, you will create real breathing room foryourself—spaceformiraclesinyourliferegardingmoney.Pleaseallowyourselftobewilling,andproceed.

1.Whatwereyourfamily’sfinancialcircumstanceswhenyouwereborn?2.When did you first learn aboutmoney?Was it from your father or your

mother?Howoldwereyou?Whatwerethecircumstances?3.Didyouhaveanallowance?Didyouhavetoworkforit,orwasitgivento

youevenifyoudidn’tdochorestoearnit?Ifyouhavechildren,doesthisaffecthowyouhandleallowanceswiththem?4.Whenwasthefirsttimeyouboughtsomethingwithmoneyyouhadsaved?

Where were you? What did you buy? Was it money you earned or moneysomeonegaveyou?5.Doyou rememberyour firstpaycheck?Howdidyouearn it?Howmuch

wasinit?Whatdidyoudowithit?6.Doyourememberever losingmoney?Whenwas theearliest time?What

happened?Hasthishappenedtoyourchildren?Howdidyouhandleit?7. Did you dream of one day having a particular job or career? Have you

achieved this?Why orwhy not?Was the amount ofmoney you could earn afactorinyourchoiceofcareers?8. Ifyour relationshipwithmoneywere apersonal relationship,howwould

youdescribeit?Doyoufear,love,hate,dependupon,feelpossessiveof,orfeelgenerouswithmoney?Justwritewhatevercomestomindinthisarea.9.Howdoyourelatetopeoplewhohavemoremoneythanyou?Lessmoney?10.Doyourecallyourmother’sor father’s relationshipwithmoney? Ifyou

didn’t livewith them, then pick peoplewhowere your primary caregivers forthisquestion.11.Howdidtheabovepeople’srelationshipwithmoneyaffectyou?Didthey

haveexpectationsofyou?Whatwerethey?Weretheresomeaspectsofmoney

thatwere not discussed?Even though they were not discussed, youmay haveknownwhattheywere.Ifyouhavechildren,doyouhavesimilarexpectationsofthem?Doyoutreatthemthesamewayyouweretreated?Ifyouaremarriedorinacommittedrelationship,dotheseexpectationsaffectyourpartner?12. Have you ever accomplished an important task or project involving

money?Whatwasit?Whatdidyoudothatmadeyousuccessful?13.Wasthereatimewhenyoutriedbutdidnotaccomplishataskorproject

regardingmoney?Whatwasit?Whatdidyoudothatmadeyouunsuccessful?14.Haveyouevergivenorreceivedgiftsofmoney?Ifyes,howmuch?For

whatreason(s)?Howdidyoufeelaboutthis?15. If youwere to characterize your ownbrand of “money craziness,” how

wouldyoudescribeit?16.Wheredoyouwanttoseeyourselftenyearsfromnowregardingmoney?

How much in savings? How much in investments? How much do you seeyourselfmakingtenyearsfromnow?17.Regardingmoney,forwhatdoyouwanttobeknown?Ifpeoplewereto

talkaboutyouandyourrelationshipwithmoney,whatwouldyouwantthemtosay?18. Are you afraid thatmoney is not spiritual enough for you or that your

spiritualpathisn’tcompatiblewithfinancialsuccess?19.Whatdoyouspendmoneyon?20.Whatdoyounotspendmoneyon?

Don’t limit yourself to the questions on this list. If there’s something I’veomittedthatgetstotheheartofyourrelationshipwithmoney,pleasewriteaboutit.When you’ve finished, give your autobiography a title that pinpoints what

you’vediscoveredaboutyourrelationshipwithmoney.Isthistitleathemethatreflectsyour relationshipswithother formsofenergy, like love, time,physicalvitality, and creativity? If so, what’s similar?What do you notice? Are thereissuesandthemesthatkeepcomingup?Arethereeventsandaccomplishmentsyou’re proudof?And are there things youhope noone ever finds out about?Whatwasthemostdifficultquestiononthislistforyoutothinkabout?Why?Please be compassionate toward yourself as you look over your life with

money.Weallmakemistakes,andweallhavegoodtimes.Rememberthatanypainfulmaterialyou’veturnedupispointingyouinthedirectionofwhatneedstobehealed—andwewilldoplentyofhealinginthisprocess.Ifpossible,sharewhatyou’vewrittenwithafriendorlovedone.

Nomatter how long or short your autobiography, congratulate yourself forbeing willing to write it. You have begun some important work by allowingyourselftoseefacetsofyourrelationshipwithmoneythat,thoughthey’rerootedinthepast,stronglyinfluenceyourpresentdecisionsinlife.Justallowyourselftositwiththeinsightsandrevelationsthathavecomefromtheworkwe’vejustdone. Theymay seem important now, but I guarantee you that you’ll gowaybeyondeventheseinsightstoanewwayofrelatingtomoney.Remember, the power to be willing will open any locked doors that have

restrictedtheflowofmoney’senergyintoyourlife.

PRINCIPLE2

InthischapterI’llshowyouhowtolookatyourtruenatureandseeitforwhatitis.Youwill also learn toworkwith a pair of navigational tools toguideyourhero’sjourney.ThefirsttoolisalistofyourpersonalStandardsofIntegrity.TheseStandards

of Integrity are your reference points for personal power. When you act inaccordancewiththem,lifeissweet,easy,andexciting.Thesecondtool,alistofyourLife’s Intentions, helpsyoudefine themeaningful purposesyouhave foryourlife.Theseinsightswillkeepyoufocusedonwhatyouareheretobe,do,andcontribute.Whenyoureffortstoprosperreflectwhoyouareandwhatyou’remeanttodo

in life, you are increasingly powered by joy.AsGeorgeBernard Shaw put it,“Thisisthetruejoyinlife:beingusedforapurposerecognizedbyyourselfasamighty one.Being a force of nature instead of… complaining that theworldwillnotdevoteitselftomakingyouhappy.”You were designed to be a force of nature, and to enjoy success and

fulfillmentwithease!

YOURTRUENATURE

YourLife’sIntentionsandStandardsofIntegritycaptureandharnesstheenergyof money. They are the crosshairs in which you can see who you really are.WhenyoucreategoalswithyourLife’sIntentionsandStandardsofIntegrityinmind,thosegoalsaresumptuous.Whenyoucreategoalsinanyotherway,youtendtoactindrivenorunconsciousways.Suchgoalsleaveyoualwayshungry—bothspirituallyandcreatively.Ifwe are here to be conscious conduits of energy, thenwhat drives energy

throughtheconduitinapowerfulandheart-filledwayareourLife’sIntentionsandStandardsofIntegrity.Theherochannelstheenergyofmoneythroughhisorhertruenature.You,too,canlearnthenatureofyourheart’sdesireandhowtopoweryourgoals.Whoareyouinside?InmyworkI’venoticedthatpeoplearesometimesmore

willingtolookattheirshortcomingsthantheyaretotakeintheirgreatness.AsMarianneWilliamson said, “It is not our darkness that wemost fear, but ourlight.”What if youwere to see clearly the strength, integrity, intelligence andgoodness thatare insideofyou?Seeing thesequalitiesmight justgiveyou thepowerandcouragetotakethefirststeptowardyourgoalsanddreams,andthenextandthenext.Canyouremembera timewhenyouwerehavingahard timebutknewyou

wouldbeallright?IremembercominghomefromavacationinHawaiitofindthat our house had been burglarized. As I walked throughmy home and sawwhatwastaken,Iwasabletosaytomyself,“It’snotsobad,IcanlivewithoutthatTV,stereo, ring…Ring?Thatwasmymother’samethyst ring!This isn’tfair!ThemostsentimentalofthethingsIeverhad.Whythis?”Aftermyfitofcrying, I realized something thatmade no sense tome at thatmoment. Iwasokay.Iwasbreathing.Infact,Iwasjoyful,andgladtobealive!In the middle of loss or crisis, we may have an awareness that there is

somethingmuchbiggerinsideusthanwehadrealized.Ourcoreremainsintact,andputtingourselvesincontactwithitcanbringfeelingsofjoyandliberation,evenwhenwearegrieving.WhileleadingtheYouandMoneyCourse,Irealizedthatitisjustthispower

thatweneedtofacetheobstaclesthatarisealongtheroadtoourgoals.Andaswe learn to honor and express it, we begin to create a life that is a direct

reflectionofourdeepestselves.Theonlythingthatkeepsusfromwantingtoknowwhoweareisthefearof

whowemightbe.Ateacheronceexplainedtomethatweliveasthoughtherearethreeaspectstoourbeing:

WhowepretendweareWhoweareafraidweareWhowereallyare

Thehero’sjourneybeginsattheouterlayerandworkstowardthecore.You

canthinkofthisasalabyrinth.Asyoumoveinward,youencounterunexploredpathways.Memoriesorincidentsfromthepastregardingmoneymayspringforthtobe

recognized.Eachstepbringsyouclosertothecenter,whereyourpowerlies.Areyouwilling toproceed? Ifyoudo,you’llhave theopportunity throughout thisbook to releasepretense and fear so that you canbe free touse the energyofmoneyhoweveryouwish.

WHOWEPRETENDWEARE

This is the face we show to the world, the outermost of the circles.When itcomestomoney,pretendingisexpressedinmanyfascinatingways.In1989,1,100people responded toa survey Iconducted forametropolitan

magazine.Manyreportedthattheypretendedtotheirfriendsandcolleaguesthattheyhadmoremoneythantheyactuallydid.Theywantedpeopletothinktheyhad their financial lives together, that their debts were under control and thattheirfinancialfuturesweresecure.Otherswrotethattheypretendedtohavelessmoney than they actually did, so that others would not be envious or takeadvantage of them. Our “pretend” selves are crafted from what we think isexpectedofusandhowweperceivethenormsinourculture.It’snoteasytobeclearaboutwhowe’repretendingtobe,becausewearethe

peoplemost affected by the sham as we justify or ignore the truth of certainsituations in our lives. For example, one participant in the You and MoneyCourseintroducedherselfastheownerofagardeningbusiness.Shetoldmethatthebusinesswasdoingwell,thoughrevenuesweredownatthemomentbecauseafewworkershadjustquit.Thedialoguewentsomethinglikethis:

ME:Tellusaboutyourbusiness,Sylvia.

SYLVIA:Well,likeIsaid,it’ssuccessful.Iwasabletobuyagreatcarthis year, and I’m planning a trip to the south coast of Spain.We’re justhavingatemporarydownturn.

ME:Howlonghasyourbusinessbeenlosingmoney?

SYLVIA:Notlong.

ME:Doyouknowhowlong?

SYLVIA:Look,doyouwantmetogiveyoutheexactfigures?

ME:No,youdon’thaveto.Whenwasthelasttimeyoulookedatyourbookswithafriendorbookkeeper?

SYLVIA:Nowyouwantme to showmybooks to a friend? I couldneverdothat!

ME:Well,howaboutabookkeeper?Doyouhaveone?

SYLVIA:(softly)No.

ME:Okay,Iknowthisishard.Takeadeepbreath(Sylviabreathes).I’mnotsayingthatthereisanythingwrongwithyou.Iknowyouwanttobe successful, and I can tell you’re capable of having a great business.You’resmartandenergetic.Still,somethingisnotworkinghere.Icantellthatyoureallyknowthatyourself,don’tyou?Justtakealook.You’llmakeitaloteasieronyourselfinthelongrun.

SYLVIA: Yes. (Pauses) The truth is I’ve been losingmoney in thisbusinessforayear.Mydadgivesmemoney,butI’mtiredofaskinghimtobailmeout.Ihatethis!Ifeellikesuchaloser!(Shebeginstocry,butthereisagreatsenseofreliefinhertears.)

This storyhasahappyending.Sylviagot through thepretense that shewas

beinga“successfulentrepreneur”andletherselfbecoachedtoseewhatwastrueabouthercircumstances.Shepaiddownhercreditcards, theinterestonwhichwaseatingintoherprofit,andleftherbigofficetoworkoutofherapartment.Todaysheissuccessful.Withoneothertrustworthyemployee,shenowsupportsherselfconsistentlyandhasboughtthehomeofherdreams.Asyoureadaboutthispretenselevel,doesanythingcometomindaboutyou

and your relationship with money? In thinking about this, I remembered mythirty-fifthhighschoolreunion.AsidefromalltheweightIjusthadtolosetofitinto the same size I wore at sixteen, I also felt this need to impress myclassmateswithwhat a successful psychologist I’d become. Itmay have beentrue for everyone else who was there. I don’t know. I do know howuncomfortableIfelt.Therewasn’tmuchroomforjoy.

WHOWEFEARWEARE

Takeanother lookat thecirclediagram.The innercircle represents thepersonwe’reafraidweare.Youmaygetanxiouswhenyoubegintoconsiderthispart.Allofusremembermoney-relatedincidentswe’dratherforget,andthingswe’vedone thatdon’tmakeusproud.Wemayhave failed in abusinessbecausewewere careless. We may have dropped out of school, stolen money, orintentionally failed to pay someone what we owe them. These acts, if notrectified,areharmfulenough.Butwhat’sworseiswhatwethinkaboutourselvesforhavingdone themandnot cleaned themup.Weaccuseourselvesofbeinglazy, crazy losers. We may believe we don’t deserve what we want in life.Sometimes we hide these feelings from ourselves by blaming others for ourpredicaments.Weseldomexamineourownself-recrimination,becauseitbringsupa lotofpain.Yet it isevenmorepainful,onasubtle level, to livewith theenergythatisblockedandboundupinthefear.Asyou start to examine this circle,youmaydiscoverwhereyouhavebeen

deluding yourself. And like Sylvia, you’ll find that acting to change yoursituationgivesyousomefreedomtohavewhatyouauthenticallywantinlife.

WHOWEREALLYARE

Insidetheinnerring,attheheartofthecircle,iswhoyoureallyare.Asyouwillseetimeandagaininthisbook,thediscomfortassociatedwiththesecondlayeris the result of actions that do not reflect your authentic self, or being.Remember, pain is a great teacher. Knowing who you really are—what youvalueandwhatgivesyoujoy—canhelpyoufacewhateverdiscomfortarisesonyourjourney.Don’tletitmakeyousouncomfortablethatyougounconscious.Writedownyourobservations,noteyourdiscomfort,andmoveon.Yourtruenatureexistsaspotential,likeaseedthatcontainsallthequalitiesof

alushtropicalplantorthestalkofcornitwillbecome.Therootof“potential”is“potent,” so to speak of potential is to talk about power. Potentmeans “to bevigorous, capable, powerful and effective.” Potential refers to power thatmaynot yet be manifest.When we say, “She has great potential,” we are usuallyreferringtosomeonewhoshowsthesignsofdoinggreatthingsinthefuture.Infact,weneverreachourfullpotential.Theformless, immutablenatureof

potential places it squarely in the metaphysical realm. This poses a seriouschallenge: If your true self is pure, as-yet-unshaped potential, then seeingyourself exactly is impossible.Howcanyouclaim,oreven identify,your truenature if you can’t see it? How can you begin to identify your unrealizedpotential?Let’slookagaintoquantumphysicsforananalogy.Quantumphysicsstudies

particlesthataresosmallandelusivethatit’sdifficulttomeasurethem.It’salsodifficulttotellwhethertheyhavemass,orarereallyjustvibrationsofenergy,orwhethertheysharethepropertiesofboth.Onewayscientistsgetabeadonthemisbywatchingfortheirreflectionsonhighlysensitivephotographicsurfaces.That’sessentiallythemethodwe’llusetoseetheformlesspurepotentialityat

yourcenter.Youcan’tseeyourpotentialinthemirror,butyoucanstudyitonahighlyreflectivesurfacethatiskeenlysensitivetoyourtrueself—yourheart.When I talk about your heart, I don’t mean the center of your emotions.

InsteadImeanthesteadyplaceinsideyouthatletsemotionsandthoughtswashover it likewavesbut remains essentiallyunchanged.This core iswhereyourwisdomresides, and its shining surface reflectsaspectsof life that inspireyouandbringyouhappiness.Thisisyourtruenature.

YOURSTANDARDSOFINTEGRITY

Yourheartrecognizesandisdrawntopeoplewhopossessqualitiesyouadmire.Youcherishordelightintheseattributesbecauseyouknowwhattheyare.Theyreflect your own potential. When you see these qualities in others, youexperience joy, inspiration, and gratitude. That’s the signal that your heart isrespondingtothem.Takeamomentandthinkaboutsomeonewhomyouadmire.Whatqualitiesdo

you prize in them? Below the surface of physical attributes or possessions,whichtraitsreflect theirbasicgoodness?Doyouadmiretheircourage, loyalty,orcreativity?Doyouhonortheirlove,compassion,ortruthfulness?Evenasyouarethinkingabouttheperson,doyounoticeacertainwarmthinyourheart?Yourheartwarms in response to thesequalitiesbecause theyare insideyou.

Youcan’tappreciateatraitunlessyou’veexperiencedit—whetherornotyouarecurrentlyexperiencingit.Inordertovalueloyalty,forexample,youmustknowwhatloyaltyis.Youmustsensewhatitmeanstobedependable,steady,faithful,anddedicated—andyoumustalsoknowthepainofdisloyalty.Thisis trueforany other attribute to which your heart responds. To use a physiologicalmetaphor, if you respond to the trait you must have a receptor site for it, alocationinyourheartthatrecognizesandreactstothequalitywhenyouseeitinothers. To bemoved by a trait in another person, youmust have that qualityinsideyourselfasapossibility.Remembertheoldsayingthatyoudon’tlikecertainpeoplebecausetheyhave

sometraitsthatyoudislikeinyourself?Whatiftheoppositeweretrueaswell,thatyouvaluetraitsinothersthatyoualsopossess?ItalwaysinterestsmewhenwediscussthisintheYouandMoneyCourse,becauseIseehowquickwearetoadmittothefirstsaying,andhowreluctantwearetoownuptothesecond.Youpossess thepossibilityforahostofattributesorcharacteristics thatyou

consider tobespecialandadmirable.Whenyouseetheminothers,yourheartlights.When you, yourself, act in accordance with these qualities, you feel asenseofwell-being,wholeness,andcompleteness.Youareactingwithintegrity.The qualities that you are demonstrating are the standards that are mostimportanttoyou;thestandardsthat,finally,expresswhoyouare.

THEINTEGRITYFACTOR

Manypeoplecringewhenweputtheword“integrity”nexttotheword“money.”ThiscombinationhasstirredupintenseemotionsatYouandMoneyCourses.

MARLENE: Integrity?Hardly anyone really has it anymore. Just look atwhatyoureadinthepapers.It’severyoneforherselfoutthere!

ALBERT: Integrity is all relative. Sometimes you have to bend therules.It’sallaboutknowingwhenandwhennottocrosstheline.

MEL: Now we start talking about what I should and shouldn’t bedoingwithmymoney!Thisisgoingtobealectureonmorals,isn’tit?

In theYouandMoneyCourse, this is thepointwherepeopleget apinched

lookontheirfaces.Formanyofus,theword“integrity”isladenwithheaviness.Wemayhavebeentaughtthatintegrityisastiff,unrealsortofperfection.Manyofushavecometobelievethatwedon’thaveitourselves,sowhat’stheuseinseekingitinourexperienceoflifeorotherpeople?Eventalkingaboutintegritycan bring up feelings of guilt, remorse, or anger. It’s associatedwith decency,honor,principles,andvirtue—allhardtoliveupto.The most useful definition I know for integrity is simply “whole and

complete.”Integrity,then,isyouroriginalcondition—whoyoureallyareinyourheart.Weseeourheroesaspossessingintegrityandhonorablecharacteristics.That’s

what separates them frombrutes or bullies.Their core qualities come throughwhenthegoinggetsrough.Inmedievaltimesdescriptionsofheroictraits,suchas“loyalty,courage,honor,”wereemblazonedonbanners,standards,andcoatsofarmstoremindtheherowhathestoodfor.Anyactionthattransgressedthese“standards”wasconsideredtobebarbarismanddevoidofaimorpurpose.

ACAVEAT

Are you willing to discover your Standards of Integrity? They could becomeyour personal rallying point. Frustration, anxiety, and discouragement can besignalsthatwearenotlivingaccordingtoourStandards.InspirationandenergycomefromlivinguptoourStandards.Beforewe start, Iwant towarn you.There is a downside to knowingwhat

qualitiesyouvaluemostinlife.WhenyouknowyourStandardsofIntegrity,youhavetogiveupwhatIcall“ourcheatinglittleways”withmoney—things likecheatingonyourincome-taxreturns,orpocketingthedifferencewhenawaitressundercharges you, putting in a couple dollars too little when you and yourfriendsaresplittingacheck.WhenyouknowyourStandardsofIntegrity,itwillbeverypainful todo these things.You’ll find that ifyoudo,you’llbeacutelyuncomfortable.Themore conscious youbecomeof your true nature andyourStandards of

Integrity,forinstance,themoredifficultitistosnatchanewspaperfromanopenstandandnotpayforit,orkeeptheextra$5inchangegiventoyoubymistake.The reverberations from acts that you may formerly have thought of asinsignificant take on newmeaning.These “petty” acts result in a reduction ofenergy overall, which is reflected in your personal relationships, health, andcreativity.Areyouwilling to tradeyourunconsciousnessandyourcheating littleways

withmoneyforclarityandeasewithmoney’senergy?Ifso,let’sproceed.

Exercise:YourStandardsofIntegrityTakeoutyournotebookor journalandhaveat least fourcleanpiecesofpaperhandy. This process requires you to be quiet and contemplative, going deepwithinyourselfforthegreatestaccuracy.Indoingsoyouaregivingyourselfthegift of discovering what empowers you. You will see the pattern of yourpotential.Youwillneedaboutfortyminutesforthisprocess.Doingitallatonceisfine,

or you can divide the time over two sessions of about twenty minutes each.Makesureyouarenotdistractedduringyourworkperiods.

First,takeoutacleanpieceofpaper.1. On the left side of the page list all the people who have qualities you

admire.Writetheirnames,usingthechecklistbelowtospuryourmemory.Takeyourtimeandreachbackintoyourpast.Thelistofpossibilitiesinclude:

1. Your family, such as your mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle,grandfather,grandmother

2. School,suchasteachers,principals,janitors,andclassmates3. Religiousteachersandleaders,ministers,priests,Sundayschoolteachers4. Friendsfromschool,work,home,socialclubs,oranyothersource5. People in the healing professions, such as doctors, therapists, alternative-

medicineprofessionals6. Sports figures, whether from professional or amateur sports and the

Olympics7. Worldleaders,spiritualorpolitical8. People in the arts and entertainment industry, such as actors, directors,

singers,dancers,artists,musicians,andcomposers9. Biblicalfigures,peopleimportanttoyourreligion10. Mythological characters, from Greek, Native American, East Indian,

African,Egyptian,orothercultures’myths11. Anyoneyouhaveeverreadabout,whetherrealorfictional

2. Survey your list. Look at each name, startingwith the first andworkingdown.On the right side of the paper, record the qualities or traits you admireabout the person. A quality is something that inspires you, such as loyal,intelligent,adventurous,courageous,creative,truthful,andsoon.Gotothenextpersononthelist.Ifthatpersonsharesqualitieswiththefirst,simplyputacheckmarknexttothatattribute.Listanyadditionaltraitsnotfoundinthefirstperson.As you proceed you will develop a list of qualities, with check marks thatindicatewhenthatqualitywasnotedmorethanonce.

Bearinmindthatyourlistscanbeaslongorshortasyoulike.However,give

yourself enough time tocomposean inventory that is ascompleteaspossible.Remember,thisprocessisvitaltotherestofyourwork.3.Nowwearegoingtorevisityourlistofqualities.Takeoutacleanpieceof

paper. Starting from the top, look at each trait. Spend a few momentscontemplatingeachattribute.Askyourself:

•Does reading thisword, aloudor tomyself,warmmyheart, if only for amoment?•DoIlikebeinginthepresenceofpeoplewhohavethisquality?

You could think of your heart area as a little lantern that lights upwhen itencounterscertaintraits.Ifthatwarmth,light,orsenseofwell-beingispresent,writethatwordonthisnewpieceofpaper.Repeat thisprocessuntilyouhavecontemplatedeachwordonyouroriginal

list.Youmayfindyouhavetransferredallorjustafewofthem.Quantityisnotimportant.Whatmattersisthatyouarewillingtoseewhattouchesyourheart.Ifoneortwoothertraitsoccurtoyouasyoudothis,writethemdownaswell.4.Takethenewlistandplaceitinfrontofyou.Eachtraithassignificanceand

meaning for you. That is because you possess the receptor site for it in yourheart.Ifyoudidn’tknowwhateachqualitymeant,itwouldnothavethepowertoevokearesponsefromyou.Toputthisanotherway:Ifyouseethesequalitiesinothers,andifyourheartresonateswiththem,thentheyexistinsideofyou.Ifnot,youwouldnotbeabletoseetheminothers.5.Takethislistandprintitonathree-by-five-inchcard.Atthetopofthislist,

write:“ThesearemyStandardsofIntegrity.”Atthebottomofthelist,write:“Iknowthesearemine,becauseIseetheminothers.”Keepthiscardwithyouandlookatitoften.Manypeoplehavefounditusefultolaminatetheirlists.Asonewomantoldme,“I’mprotectingitagainstblood,sweat,andtears.”What you have before you—the list of your Standards of Integrity—is the

blueprintforyourpersonalpower.Youpossessthequalitiesyoulisted.Theyarepartofyournature.Youcan’tgetridofthem,nomatterwhatyoudo.What do you feel as you read thewords youwrote on this list?Youmight

want to share your reactions with a friend. When couples do this exercisetogether,thediscussioncanleadtoprofoundinsightsandunderstandings.Ifyoudothisexerciseinagroup,youmighthaveeachpersonstandandreadhisorherStandardsoutloud.Forsomepeople,thiscanbeanemotionalmoment,astheybegintorealizethattheyreallydopossessthesequalities.Whiletheyreadthese

Standardsoutloud,youwillnoticethattheyaredescribingthemselves!Theyarelistingpreciselythetraitsyouhaveseeninthem.Youwillhaveawindowintotheirheart.Takeyourintegritycardwithyouandreaditatleastonceadayforoneweek.

BecomefamiliarwithyourStandards.Getusedtothepossibilitythattheyreallydodescribeyourauthenticnature.Afteraweek,askyourselfifyouhavenoticedanychanges inyourrelationshipswithothersoryourrelationshipwithmoney.Youmayseeasubtleshiftinyourbehavior,mood,andconversations.Record your observations about yourself in your notebook. When you are

awareofyourStandardsofIntegrity,isiteasiertocommunicatewithothers?Doyou think before you speak? Do you let them “in” a little closer? Observeyourself. Ifyoudo,youwillbepracticingaskill that isessential to thehero’sjourney.Try this experiment: Spend a week consciously trying to demonstrate your

Standards of Integrity, andmake notes about your experience.Notice specificcaseswhereyouactuallydoshowthosequalitiesorattributes.Howdoyoufeelatthosetimes?Whatisyourexperienceofyourself?Paycloseattentiontotheseinnermessages.

COMINGFULLCIRCLEWITHINTEGRITY

Onceyouhaveaclearpictureofthetraitsthatidentifyyourtruenature,you’llimmediatelybecomeconsciousofwhereyoufallshort.Asyouthinkaboutthequalitiesyoumostadmire,and thereforepossessyourself,you’llbe repeatedlydrawntolookattheplaceswhereyou’renotdemonstratingthem.Whoyoureallyare,atyourcore,iscompelledtolookatareasinwhichyour

integrity isnotcomplete. Incompletionspull life’senergy to them.Afterall, ittakesalotofenergytopushdownevenlow-levelanxietyordread.Thisenergyleakonlymakesithardertogetyourgoalsanddreamswithease.Asyouconnectwithandexpressyourgenuinevalues,yourtruenature,asyou

becomeconsciousofwhoyou trulyare,youcanno longer remain in thedarkaboutyourself-limitingways.Itbecomesalmostimpossibletoavoidtakingtheactions that will transform your relationship with the energy of money. Thishappenstoeveryone.

MAXINE:Ireallyvalueloyalty,butwhenIappliedittomyself,Isawallthe times I’ve been disloyal lately. This isn’t fun.Am I supposed to feelgoodaboutthis?Ireallyfeelguilty.

JORDAN:IknowIhaven’tbeenactingcourageousandtrustworthyatmyjob,andthesearetwoofmytopStandards.Infact,mygutfeelstightrightnowjustthinkingaboutit.

These people are describing what I have come to call the Impetus Toward

Integrity, aphenomenon that canhelpyou identifyand seal someof the leaksthat drainmoney’s energy.To see how itworks, look at the diagrambelow, acirclewithapiecemissing.Yourecognizeitasacirclebecauseashumans,wehaveastrongnaturalabilitytoseethewhole,evenwhenapartismissing.

Doyounotice thatyoureyeskeep returning to thegap in thecircle?That’s

another part of our wiring. Your eyes are drawn there by the tension of theincompletion.Theeyeandthemindneedtorestorethefiguretoits“whole”—knowninthepsychologyofperceptionasagestalt.If you keep inmind that your integrity is your ownwholeness, it’s easy to

understandwhyonceyouseeit,youalsoseeplaceswhereitmightneedtobepatchedor filled in.Untilyou restore thatwholeness,you remain ina stateoftension.Forexample,ifoneofyourStandardsofIntegrityisbeingtrustworthy,every

timeyoudon’tfollowthroughonthepromisesyoumaketoyourselfandothers,you’vesprunganenergyleak.Untilyoukeepthepromise,yourattention—andall the energy of guilt or remorse or rationalization—is drawn to it, nomatterhowmuchyou’dliketofocusonyourgoalsanddreams.Youknowinyourheartthatwhenyoubreakapromise,youinitiateaseriesof

eventsthatdrainyourpowerandenergy.Butthereverseisalsotrue:whenyoukeepyourword,yougainstrengthandenergytorealizeyourdreams.ThisistheprocessthatcomesintoplayeachtimeyouintentionallyactinaccordancewithyourStandardsofIntegrity.Ifyoufeeluneasyabouthowfaryou’vestrayedfromyourStandards,don’tbe

dismayed.Itmeansthatthequalitiesyoulongfor—andfeelyou’vefallenshortof—are inyourheart. Ifyou’reuncomfortableaboutyourownbehavior, it’savalidation ofwho you are, not a condemnation!The discomfortmeans you’reawareofyourintegrity,andit’surgingyoutoattainwholeness.NoonelikestoseeagapbetweentheirStandardsandtheiractions.Butifyouthinkthatfeelingsofdoubt,guilt,frustration,orangerareabouttoovertakeyou,allowyourselfadeep breath and some compassion as you continue on your journey. Little bylittle,andstepbystep,we’llmoveyouclosertoexpressingwhoyoureallyare.

EXTRA-CREDITWORK

This part is for you if, likemanyof us, you’re a “high achiever” andwant tomakesureyougetmore thanyourmoney’sand time’sworthoutof thiswork.Thisexercise takesPrinciple2abitfurtherbyexercisingyournaturalImpetusToward Integrity. Ipromise that ifyoudo this,youwillconnectwith theherowithininapowerful,indelibleway.Youwillequipyourselftoattainyourgoalsanddreamswithease.Yourassignment,shouldyouchoosetoacceptit,isthis:Withinthenextforty-

eighthours,identifyonespecificplaceinyourlifeinwhichoneormoreofyourStandards of Integrity aren’t present in your relationship with money. Takeaction and correct the situation. Have compassion for yourself and choosesomethingthatisattainable.Forexample,perhapsthere’ssomeonetowhomyouowemoneyandwhomyou’vebeenavoiding.Maybeeventhethoughtofhisorhernamemakesyoucringealittleinside.Takealookatwhatyouoweandbewilling to take the authentic step of paying it back or setting up a paymentschedule.Oneofmyclients,apublichealthprofessional,isastrikingdemonstrationof

what happenswhen you decide to actwithin your integrity. Thiswomanwasmakingagoodlivingwithherjob,andshewasalsomakingabout$600amonthselling marijuana. As she worked with her personal Standards, she saw thatselling drugs was obviously out of alignment with her Standards—so shestopped.“Oh,thisisgreat,”shetoldme.“ItakeacourseonmoneyandthefirstthingI

doiscutmyincome.”Butfiveyearslater,Igotaletterfromhertellingmewhathad resulted from closing an energy leak in her life. She’s now the head of amajor program in her community, earning at least three times what she wasmaking before—more than making up for her lost drug income. And moreimportant,shecansleepatnight,withoutfearofwhatwillhappentoher.Youmaybetellingyourselfthatyou’dneverselldrugs,andanywayitdoesn’t

takebrainstoseethataperson’sfinancialandprofessionallifewouldtakeaturnfor the better when she stopped her illegal activities. But I’m sure you canidentifyatleastoneplaceinyourlifewhereitfeelsriskytoputyourbehaviorinlinewith your Standards of Integrity because somuchmoney seems to be atstake:

ALICIA:Yes,itwouldbejustgreattostoptakingthedeductionI’vebeenclaimingonmytaxesforastorageclosetI’mcallingmyhomeoffice—butIneedtocutmytaxbillsomehow,andwho’sithurting?

TOM: Sure, itwould bewonderful to stop paying people under thetabletocareformychildrenandhelpmeoutinmybusiness.ButIliveinalow-income rural area. We’re just able to make ends meet. How can IpossiblypaySocialSecurityorinsuranceorahigherfee?Andwhyshouldmy wife and kids and my tiny business suffer because of my so-called“standards”?

WhenwetalkaboutourStandardsofIntegrity,weoftenwindupvoicingalot

ofourown resignation:This is theway thingsare, and they’renevergoing tochange. “Everybody cheats,” we tell ourselves, “so why should I be thePollyanna who pays full price?” And sometimes, if we can remain cynicalenoughorskepticalenough,wedon’thave toaskourselves thehardquestionslike“Isn’ttheresomethingI’mheretocontribute?”But what if life really is a hologram? The question for those of us on the

hero’s journey might be: If I’m compromising my Standards of Integrityregardingmoneyasareactiontofear:

1.Whereelseisfearrunningtheshow?2. Where else might I be compromising my Standards (look at your

relationships,creativity,physicalstamina)?3.IfIcleanthingsupwithmoney,wheremightIfeelreliefinotherareasof

mylife?4.What wouldmy life be like if I were no longer afraid of being caught,

foundout,orconfrontedbyanyone?5.Woulditbeallrightwithmeiflifegoteasier?

VIRTUEANDMONEY

Thevirtuouslifeiswellwithinyourgrasp.Afterall,theStandardsyouwanttoliveupto,andtherulesyou’refollowing,areabsolutelypersonal.YousettheseStandardsforyourselfandareonlyfollowingyourownrules.Iknowthismayseem like a tough assignment, but I think you may find that, as the actressTallulahBankheadoncesaid,“Theremaybelesstothisthanmeetstheeye.”Part of being ahero is tobewilling touseyourStandardsof Integrity as a

truingmechanisminanygivensituation,toseeifthere’sagapbetweenwhoyoureallyareandyourbehavior. It’snotalwayscomfortable,especiallywhenyoulook at your relationshipwithmoney. Sometimes in order to look at our ownStandardsofIntegrity,wehavetopassthroughthatringofwhowe’reafraidweare. But as we gain in the ability to make these distinctions, we see that therewards of demonstrating our Standards far outweigh the cost of remainingunconscious.Lifebecomeseasier.TherearetwowaystouseyourStandardsofIntegrity.First,youcanletthem

guideyou to seal energy leaksby takingcareofunfinishedbusinessor takingactiontocleanupbehaviorthatdoesnotreflectwhoyouare.Thesecondway toapplyyourStandardsof Integrity isbypracticingvirtue.

Virtue isn’tsomeabstract,hard-to-achievestateofbeing.Virtue is thefocuseduseofenergytoachieveresults thatarewithinyourStandardsofIntegrity.It’sthe natural result of actively demonstrating your Standards of Integrity inphysicalreality.It’sbeingproactiveinthesensethatyou’renotcleaningupanymesses from the past; you are actively demonstrating your Standards in themoment. It’s tremendously empowering when you can say, “Today I reallypracticedcompassionwithmyco-worker.”Virtue isalsoaperfectantidote to insomnia: remember theoldsayingabout

“sleepingthesleepofthejust”?Virtuousactionusuallyproducesageneralstateof well-being. You are expressing who you really are in your heart withoutreservationorqualification.Thevirtuouslifebeginswhenyouaskyourselfthequestion“Howwouldan

honest,intelligent,creative[fillinthequalitiesthatappealtoyou]personhandlethis situation?” This question directs your attention away from yourself andtoward making a real contribution to others—and often it changes the wholeenergydynamicofaninteraction.

ARNOLD:Iadmirepeoplewhoarekind.YesterdayIhadatalkwithoneofmysalespeople.Hehasn’tbroughtinoneclienttoourcomputer-trainingcompanyintwoweeks.Normally,I’dhavehadhisheadonaplatewithintenminutes.This timeIaskedmyself:“Howwouldakindpersonhandlethis situation?” Just asking thatquestiongaveme some ideas. Ibeganbyletting him know that I knew he wanted to be successful, and that thisperiodofnonproductivitywasprobablyhardonhim.Theresult?Wehadagoodsessiononwhat todonext. I feltgreat.Thismorninghecalledme.He’djustlandedacontractforus.

“I felt great.” These three high-energywords epitomize the experience that

comesfromputtingwhatisinyourheartintopractice.Whetheryouexperiencesuccess or failure in your external circumstances,when you demonstrate yourStandardsofIntegrity,youknowthatyou’vebroughteverythinginyourpowertothesituation,andthere’snoenergyspentonregret.You’llbeamazedathowmuchenergyyoufreeupwhenyoulook,see,tellthe

truth,andtakeAuthenticActioninlinewithyourStandardsofIntegrity.Atthebeginning it’snoteasy.MonkeyMindwill tellyounot todo it.Butwhenyoudo,you’llfeelasatisfyingburstofenergythathelpsyoupursuewhatyoureallywantinlife.When you act with integrity you increase your capacity to bring goals and

dreamsfromthemetaphysicalintothephysical.Youareabletotransformyourheart’sdesiresintocompletedgoalsefficientlyandeffectively.Youdonotwasteenergy.There’snoextraweighttodragalongonyourhero’sjourney.Yourtruepower,thepersonalpowerthatcomesfromvirtue,isthewellspring

from which your success will emerge. Despite your best intentions, you willperiodically find yourself acting outside your Standards in the heat of themoment,whenyouareangryoranxious.What then?Gobackandcleanitup,makeamends.Moveon.

YOURLIFE’SINTENTIONS

Takeout thelistyoumadeofyourStandardsofIntegrityandspendaboutfiveminutes thinkingabout them.Theyare a reflectionofyourheroic nature.Youpossessallthestrengths—someinfullbloom,someinseedform—thatyouneedto work with the energy of money to bring your dreams into reality. Theparticular combination of qualities you find within yourself will be uniquelysuitedforthetasksthatariseonyourjourney.Nowthequestionbecomes:Wheredoyouwanttogo?Howdoyoudiscover

yourgoalordestination?Howdoyoudiscernyourmostexcitingdreams?TheanswerisinyourLife’sIntentions.ALife’sIntention,asIusethetermhere,isadirection,aim,orpurposethat

comesfromdeepwithinyou.It’sthelivingspiritbehindyourgoalsanddreams,a shunt that directs and carries energy into thephysical realm.AlbertEinsteinwasdescribing theenergyofLife’sIntentionswhenhesaid,“Allmeansprovebut a blunt instrument, if theyhavenot behind thema living spirit.But if thelonging for theachievementof thegoal ispowerfullyalivewithinus, thenweshall not lack the strength to find the means for reaching the goal and fortranslatingitintodeeds.”Your Life’s Intentions give a clear, pure focus to energy. They are so alive

withyourpassionthatyouneverforgetthemonceyouseethem.OurcultureisfullofexamplesofthepowerofLife’sIntentions.WeseethemwhenwewatchOlympicathletesstrivingforexcellence.IsawitinthemovieRudy.Thefilm’sherowantsverymuch tobea footballplayer forNotreDame,even thoughhehasfewathleticgifts.Sogreatishisdesirethatheinsistsonspendingtimewiththeteam,carryingtowelsandplayingonthepracticesquad.Thefootballplayersrunalloverhim,buthekeepsgettingup.Andinthelastgameoftheseason,hegets tosuitupwitheveryoneelse. Inspiredbyhiscourageandpersistence,histeamletshimplayinthegameandthencarrieshimoffthefieldintriumph.YoucouldsaythatpeoplewhohaveLife’sIntentionslikethatarelucky.They

know what they want, and they have a sense of purpose. You have Life’sIntentions,too,andbydoingtheexerciseinthischapter,you’llgiveyourselfthegiftofdiscoveringexactlywhattheyare.Your Life’s Intentions, like your Standards of Integrity, live in the

metaphysical domain. They are more highly organized than ideas or wishes,

closertothepullofphysicalreality.Becausetheyrepresentwaysofbeing,theyusuallystartwiththewords“tobe.”SomeexamplesofLife’sIntentionsare…tobe:

asuccessfulentrepreneurawell-respectedprofessionalfinanciallysuccessfulcreativewelleducatedanadventureragoodprovideragenerous,charitablehumanbeingphysicallyfitandhealthyartisticacontributortomycommunityagreatmother(father,brother,sister,etc.)agreatentertainer(host,hostess)agoodfriendsurroundedbyloveandbeautyanauthor(orpoetorplaywright,etc.)

We all have a different blend of Life’s Intentions that reflect the unique

contributionswe arehere tomake.As far as I can tell, there is no correlationbetween your Standards of Integrity and your Life’s Intentions. You cannotpredictonefromtheother.However, takentogether,yourLife’sIntentionsandyourStandardsofIntegrityprovidetheguidesthatallowyoutofindandexpresswhoyoureallyare.You’ll realizebothmental andphysicalvigor asyoubegin to see andwork

withyourLife’s Intentions. Intentionand intensity shareaLatin root, intendo,whichmeans“tostretchforward.”OurLife’sIntentionsrouseusforwardonourhero’sjourney,callingustogrowanddevelop.Swami Yogananda, a teacher of compassion and vision, explained the

principle in this way: “The world is nothing but an objectivized dream.Whateveryourpowerfulmindbelievesveryintenselyinstantlycomestopass.”ItiseasytobringintensitytoourLife’sIntentions,becausetheybringusjoy

andmeaning.Ifyouarestillworriedthatyoudon’tknowyourLife’sIntentionsand doubt that you ever will, take heart. They are already there, and you are

abouttodiscoverthem.

Exercise:YourLife’sIntentions—ATreasureHuntYour Life’s Intentions are your greatest personal treasure.You can discover afeworhundredsofLife’sIntentions.It’suptoyou.Butnomatterhowmanyyoulist,youwillhavearichexperienceofyourselfwhenyouseethem.Youwillneedyournotebookandabout fortyminutes for thisexercise.You

candoitallatonce,orinparts.Justmakesureeachsegmentisatleasttwentyminuteslong,andthatyoucanworkinaquiet,undisturbedplace.1. First you are going to empty yourmind. Pretend that you have found a

magiclamp.Asyourubit,agenieappearsandofferstogiveyouanythingyouwant.Allthemoney,time,andtalentthatyouneedisyoursfortheasking.Onacleanpieceofpaperlistallthethingsthatyouhavealwayswantedtodo

orhaveinlife.Writedownwhatevercomestomind.Youhaveallthefreedomintheworld.Youwillnotbeheldtothislist.Itcanbepurefantasy,notnecessarilybasedontherealityofyourcurrentcircumstances.Thisisjusttogetoutofyourmindandontoapieceofpapereverything thathascapturedyour interestovertheyears.Writeitdown,evenifwhatyouwanttohaveordoseemsoutrageous.In fact, themore audaciousyouare, thebetter. Justmake sure it is somethingyoureallywant.Thelistmaylooklikethis:

HavinganewcarWritingabestsellingnovelOwningahomeDirectingamotionpictureLearninghowtoscubadiveOwningmyownsailboatintheBahamasGoingonapicture-takingsafaritoAfricaSwimmingwiththedolphinsHavinganewwardrobeTakingmykidstoDisneyWorldRaisingamilliondollarsforthecommunityfoodlockerRunningamarathonGoingonatriparoundtheworldHavingenoughmoneyformydaughter’seducationTakingartlessonsandpaintingapicture

EatingatthebestrestaurantsinParis,NewYork,andSanFranciscoBecomingapediatricphysicianMakingamajorhealingdiscoveryBecominganastronaut

2.Lookateachitem.Askyourself:WhydoIwant this?Whatdesirewill it

satisfy?Whenyoudiscovertheunderlyingreasonforyourchoice,writeitdownonaseparatepieceofpaper.Putitintheseanswersintheformof“tobe…”Forexample, youmay want to take your kids to DisneyWorld because it wouldsatisfyyourdesire tobeagoodparent.Write“tobeagoodparent.”Similarly,writingabestsellingnovelwouldmakeitpossibleforyoutobeawell-respectedauthor,sowrite“tobeawell-respectedauthor.”Youmaydiscoverthatthereasonyouwanttobecomeapediatricphysicianis

“tobe ahealerof children.”Or traveling toAfricaor around theworldmightsatisfyyourdesire“tobeanadventurer.”Remember, putting itemsonyour list doesn’t commit you to actually doing

these things. It’s away to get to know the desires that influence eachof yourchoices.Whenyou complete this phaseof theprocess, youwill have a list ofyourLife’sIntentions.Putthelistasideforthemomentandgoon.3.Forthenextphaseofthisexercise,imagineagroupofyourfriends,family

members,andco-workersatapartyhonoringyouonyoureighty-fifthbirthday.Everyone is there, still aliveand ingoodhealth.Soareyou.Agroupof thesepeoplehavepreparedanacknowledgmentofyou,describingallyouhavedoneinyourlife.Theyareabouttoreadwhattheyhavewritten.Youwillbetakingnotesonwhattheysay,sohaveyourpenandnotebookready.4.Write the list ofwho is there at this party to honor you.Put their names

down: husband, wife, children, teachers, colleagues, friends, parents, co-workers, bosses, minister (rabbi, priest), students, neighbors, committeemembers,aunts,uncles,cousins.Pictureeachpersongettingupandspeakingaboutyou.Whatdoyouhope,in

yourheartofhearts,thattheywouldsayaboutyou?Boilwhattheysaydowntotwoor threesentences.This iswhat twopeople,AlexandMary, reported inarecentworkshop:

ALEX:Thefirstperson tostandup ismybestbuddyDave.Hestarts toroastme,butsoonhesettlesdownandgetstotheheartofthings.HesaysIhavealwaysbeenagoodfriend.HecomplimentsmysenseofhumorandsaysIalwayswatchoutforotherpeopletoseethatthey’reokay.

MARY:Mysistersays that Iamagreatmomand that Iwasalwaystakingherandeveryoneelseonadventures.SheremembersthetimeItookabunchoffriendspetroglyphhuntinginHawaii.

5. Distill to an essence what the people at your gathering say about you,

preceded by the words “to be.” For example, Alex wrote the followingstatement: “To be a good friend, to be humorous, to be kindhearted.” Marywrote:“Tobeagreatmomandtobeanadventurer.”Youmayhavetouseyourcreativitytoturnthewordsofyourimaginarygatheringinto“tobe”statements.Stickwithit.Addthesephrasestothelistyoubeganearlier.6.Attheconclusionofthisprocess,youwillhavealistof“tobe”statements.Lookatthem.Thisisthefunpart.Whichonesdoyoureallywanttobetrueof

you?Circlethem.Nevermindifyoudon’tfeelyouhavefulfilledanyofthemlately,orever,forthatmatter.Doyouwant“tobeanartist”or“tobeahealer”?Giveyourselfthegiftofchoosingwhatsingstoyourheart.Transfereverythingyou have circled to the list of intentions you created in the first part of thisexercise.

YounowhaveapreliminarycatalogueofyourLife’sIntentions.Iaskthatyoulivewithitforatleastoneweek.Duringthistime,gobacktothelistandnoticehowyoufeelwhenyoureadit.Afteraweek,youmayaddorsubtractanyitemyouwish.Afterall,thisisyourlist!It’susefultosharetheseLife’sIntentionswithanotherperson.Ifyoudothis

inagroup,haveeachmember standand readhisorher list,muchasyoudidwiththeStandardsofIntegrityprocess.Thegroupofferssupportandwillhelpyouclarifyitemsasnecessary.You may find that doing this work is both emotionally satisfying and

challenging.Manypeoplefeelthesameway.Youaretakingadifferentviewofyourselfandyourlife.AswiththeStandardsofIntegrityprocess,youwilllikelynoticeabittersweet reactionwhenyouencounter theLife’s Intentions thatyouhavenotyetmanifestedinyourlife.Thisdiscomfortisasignalthatyouareonthe rightpath.Yourwork in thisbook is specificallydesigned toassistyou inbringingyourLife’sIntentionsfromthemetaphysicalintothephysical.TakeyourselfandyourLife’sIntentionsseriously.Theyareyourreasonsfor

being on the hero’s journey. If it is difficult to see this in yourself, ask yourfriendsorlovedonestohelp.TheymayseetheseLife’sIntentionsinyoulongbeforeyouareabletoseethem.

YourStandardsof Integrity andyourLife’s Intentions are the reflectionsofyour inner self, and they offer you a clear map to the kinds of actions andachievementsthatwillbringyouthemostjoy.TakeoutthecardonwhichyouprintedyourStandardsofIntegrityandprintyourLife’sIntentionsontheback.Youmaywanttogetthiscardlaminated.Takeitwithyouandlookatitdaily.Asyou connect with your Life’s Intentions and your Standards of Integrity, youconnectwiththepowertomoveyouthroughyourhero’sjourney.Whenyouletyourselfbepulledbyvirtue,andbythejuiceofLife’sIntentions

that hold your deepest desires, you draw energy from your core and find anendless source of comfort and courage. This will ease your path as youencounter thedark sideof your relationshipwithmoney and learn the lessonsthatwillempoweryourhero’sjourney.

PRINCIPLE3

Youweredesignedtocreateandattaingoals.Thepurposeof thischapter is torehabilitateyourinnatecapacitytocreategoalsthatreflectyourtruenatureandLife’s Intentions. I say rehabilitate, because when youwere young you knewhowtocreategoalsthatwereexcitingandfun.Asyou“matured,”youprobablyputthiscreativecapacityonthebackburneruntilsomedayoronedaywhenlifefinallycleareduplongenoughforyoutocatchyourbreathandbegindreamingagain.Yet you already have every skill and ability you need to energize yourdreamsandmakethemreal.This chapter will give you ways to infuse your goals with the energies of

money,time,creativity,physicalvitality,enjoyment,andsupport.Asyoudothis,your dreambegins to take shape, to become solid, tomaterialize.And as youdevelopyourrelationshipwiththeenergyofmoney,you’llseeevermoreclearlyhowitrelatestootherenergies.Thegoalswe’llidentifyherewillnotconformtowhatyouusuallythinkabout

goals. Goals that reflect your nature come from your heart and nurture yourspirit. They’re shaped from the inside, not imposed by outside circumstances.Mostofwhatyounowconsidertobegoalsareprobablytasksor“todo’s.”Theyareimportant,buttheydon’tcarryabigenjoymentfactor.Onthislegofthejourney,youwilldiscovergoalsthathaverealjuiceforyou

—and create amap to the treasure that this goal represents. First let’s look atwhytheword“goals”sendssuchshiversupanddownourspinesandmakesitdifficultforustoevenconsidercreatingsome,letaloneattainingthem.

WHATISAGOAL?

Reaching many of our conventional goals, such as making a business plan,losingtenpounds,orcraftingabudget,isusuallyastruggle.Sure,we’reproudofouraccomplishments.But,lookingback,whatdoweremember—thedelightofreachingthegoal,ortheeffortittooktogetthere?Infact,thesearenotgoalsbut tasks or to do’s. They are necessary, but not fun. This is why the merementionoftheword“goal”oftenelicitsgroans,andcommentslikethis:

CARL: Just thinking aboutmaking goals leavesme cold. I don’t knowhowtodoit.Besides, let’ssayIfinallypickone.HowdoIknowit’s thebestgoalforme?HowdoIknowI’mnotjustfoolingmyself?

LYNNE: I guess you could callme a goal junkie. I set goals everyweek.I’minsales,somygoalshavetodowithhowmanycoldcallsI’vegot tomake. I’veheard that successfulpeoplehavegoals, and I certainlywant tobesuccessful.HowdoI feelwhenImakemygoalseveryweek?Relieved. For about fifteenminutes.Why don’t I get a real bounce fromthem?Idon’tknow.

RHONDA:Idon’tbelieveingoals.Atleastnotformalones.Ibelieveintrusting theuniverse instead. IfsomethingIwant ismeant tohappen, it’lljustshowup.Takemoney,forinstance.Idon’thavemuch,butitshowsupwhenIneedit.Sothere’snoneedtosetagoalforwhatIwant.

Theproblemwithmost“goals”isthatthey’renotconnectedtowhatwereally

wantfromlife.Andmuchofthetimewethinkwe’retoobusytofindoutwhatwewant.Ifagenieweretoslipoutofabottleandaskusourheart’sdesire,wemightbestumpedforananswer.Mostofusknowwhatweshouldwant,andwemayhavememoriesofwhatweusedtowant.Wealsohaveconvincingreasonsforwhywecannotpursuewhatwewantrightnow.Hiddeninoursouls,though,are thedreams thatexpressour life’spurposeand the intentions that lieatourcore.ForthemomentI’dlikeyoutosetasideeverythingyouthinkyouknowabout

goals. They’re not foreign, they’re not business-school-designed forms oftorture,andthey’renotdrudgery.RememberthatinthisworkweuseWebster’s

definitionofagoal:“anareaorobjecttowardwhichplayisdirectedinordertoscore.”Keepthisinmindaswedotheworkinthischapter.Iwanttoemphasizetheword“play.”It’sthekeytotheprocess.

GETTINGTHEFUNBACK:GOALSVS.TASKS

Whenwewereyoungitwassimpletoseethegoalsinourlives.Justcloseyoureyesandthinkaboutoneofthefirstthingsyoucanrememberwishingforasachild.Whatdidyouwantforyourbirthdayortheholidayswhenyouwereeightor nine? Can you see it in your mind’s eye right now? For me, it was a redbicycle. I knew that when I got it I’d pin playing cards to the spokes withclothespinsso theywouldmakea loudshufflingsoundasIrodearound.IcanstillfeelthesenseofexcitementIhadaboutgettingthatredbike.Trytorecalltheexcitementofcontemplatingwhatyouwantedsobadlyasachild.We’rehappiestwhenwe’recreatingwhatwetrulywantinlife,andgoingout

togetit—authentically,compassionately,andconsciously.Truegoals,unliketheonerousitemsweputonlistsandgearourselvesuptoaccomplish,areactuallymeanttobringoutachildlikeexcitementinus.Howdidwelosetouchwiththejoyinthisprocess?Maybeduringyourteens

youdecidedto“growup”or“chillout.”Maybeyoudidn’tgetwhatyouwantedandgaveup.Maybeyoufoundthatitwasn’tcooltogetsoexcitedaboutlife’spossibilities. A lot of us hit adulthood and decided to shelve our goals anddreams,tradingthemforloweredexpectationsandheightenedcynicism.Butyoustillhavedreamsinyourheart,andyouhavetheabilitytomakethemcometrue.It’s one of the gifts that come with being human. The question you need toanswernowis:Whatareyourauthenticdreams?What’s the“redbike” that fillsyouwithanticipationandexcitement today?

Thinkaboutthelifeyouwantthemost,andthegoalsthatmighttakeyouthere.Canyouimaginereachingthemwithaplayfulspirit?Ifyou’relikemostadultsyou’re probably rolling your eyes. As much as I insist that play’s the key, itprobably doesn’t computewith your personal paradigm about goals.Youmayfeel certain that you’ll only reach themwith fortitude, strength, perseverance,andasetjaw.Let’sstretchthatbeliefjustalittle.Imaginearatingscalethatgoesfrom1to

10.Ascoreof1means“Idon’twant this”and10means“Iwant itvery,verymuch.”ThegoalsI’mtalkingaboutarethe8s,9s,and10sonthescale,theonesthattrulyexciteyou.Thosearethekindsofgoalsthatwilltransformyourlife.If you’re not excited about your goals in life, itmight be that they are not

goals.Theycouldbetasksthatshouldoroughttobedone.Somecommontasks

thatpeopleconfusewithgoalsare:

1. Gettingridofcredit-carddebt2. Creatingawillorrevocablelivingtrust3. Openingaretirementaccount4. Hiringamoneymanager5. Fixingtheroofing,plumbing,orheatingathome6. Filingformsordocumentsontime7. Buyinghealthinsurance

Thesearenotgoals.Theyaretasksthatwillclearthewayforyoutoplayforyourgoals.Theyjustdon’thavethesameenergyasthat triptotheCaribbean,theblackbeltinkarate,thepilot’slicense,thepictureyouwanttopaint,orthatgiftyou’vebeenwantingtogiveyourmomanddad.Notevenclose.NoticehowdifferenttasksfeelfromthegoalsIjustlisted.Inyourheartyou’llrecognizethecallthattruegoalssound—evenifyourbrainstillthinksgoalshavetobetoughorunappealingtobeworthwhile.Thetasksonthenumberedlistaboveareitemsofunfinishedmoneybusiness.

When you complete them you give yourself breathing room that engenderssuccessandpeaceofmind.Onekeyfordeterminingwhetheryouhavea taskoragoalbeforeyou is to

askyourself:“WillIberelievedwhenitisdone?”Iftheanswerisyes,thenitisatask,notagoal.Whenyoufinishatask,youfeelrelief.Peoplewhoaredriveninlifehavelearnedtostriveforrelief,mistakingitforjoy.Whenyoucompleteagoal,youfeeljoy.

THEWHIMFACTOR

Asecondquestiontoaskaboutyourgoalsis:What’stheWhimFactor?Ifyouhaveanitemizedlistofgoalsthatyouwantrightnow—especiallyifthey’rethenewest/flashiest/fastestmodelofsomeproduct—takeamomenttoconsiderthedifference between a goal and a whim. Whims are based on impulse andimmediate gratification. This spontaneity brings spice to life, but it can easilybecomehabit-forming.One of the symptoms of Monkey Mind is the unwillingness to suspend

reward.Goalsexistinadefinitespanoftime,andtheyoftenrequireyoutowaitfor resultswhileyou focusyour energyonyour target.Yourhero’s journey isenhanced by your ability to create and sustain interest in a genuine goal thattakestimetoachieve.Thiswillnurtureyourspirit.Identifyingyour true time-basedgoalsbringsclarityandpower toyour life.

Youdon’tgiveintoimpulsesthathavenolastingmeaning.IhavetalkedwiththousandsofpeoplewhohavethenewestVCRs,thelatestexerciseequipment,andthemostadvancedcappuccinomachines—boughtonwhimsandgatheringdust. On the other hand, purchases that have been planned for are generallycherishedandenjoyed.The first typesofgoals—theoneswithahighWhimFactor—areTypeOne

goals.They lackmeaning, andyoumay find that it’s difficult to saywhyyoupicked them over others. They feel frivolous or trivial. Type Two goals,however, are attached to your Life’s Intentions. These Intentions anchor yourgoalsandprovideconduitsforenergythatbringthesegoalsintophysicalreality.Type Two goals allow for maximum creativity and fulfillment. You developmeaningfulgoalsbydifferentiatingthemfromtasksandanchoringthemtooneormoreofyourLife’sIntentions.

CREATINGPOWERFULGOALS

Herearesomeguidelinesforcreatingpowerfulgoals.Agoalisaprojectionofyour Life’s Intention into physical reality. It is a promise youmake yourself.Powerfulgoalshave fivequalities, representedby the acronymSMART.Eachqualitymustbepresentforanitemtoqualifyasagoal.Sisforspecific.Isyourgoalexplicitandprecise?Forexample,“Iwanttobe

happy” is not a goal. It is not specific. “Iwant to learn scuba diving by nextsummer”or“Iwanttobuyahouse”isspecific.MonkeyMindwantsyoutokeepyour goal fuzzy. Being vague about what you want keeps you in a state ofsuspendedanimation.Yourpowerliesinclarity.Misformeasurable.HowwillIknowthatIhavelearnedscubadiving?One

way isbygettingmycertificate.“Iwant togetmyscuba-divingcertificate” ismeasurable.Iwilleitherhaveitornot.Similarly,“Iwantatwo-bedroomhomewithaswimmingpool”leavesnowiggleroom.Pindownyourgoals.Aisforattainable.Agoalneedstobeastretchforyoubutnotimpossible.For

example, to say that you are going to save $600 a yearwhen you are alreadysaving$50amonthisnotastretch.It’spredictable.Atthesametime,“pie-in-the-sky”goalsareasetupforfailure.OnemanIworkedwithwanted tomake$100,000ayear,aspecific,measurablegoal.Buthetoldme,whenIaskedhim,thathewascurrentlymaking$30,000.Idon’tsay that luckdoesn’thappen,orthatyoucan’twinthelottery,butthegreatthingaboutgoalsisthatthey’renotdependentonluckorchance.Your goal is a promise that youmake to yourself about something you are

really going to do. When the man thought about this, he decided that anattainable goal for him was to earn $40,000 by the end of the year in hisconsultingbusiness.Hecouldactuallyplanforthat,andhedidit.Many people create unattainable goals. They then become discouraged or

righteously indignant about the entire process of setting goals.Make the goalworthplayingfor,yetattainable.R is for relevant.This iswherewe take care of theWhimFactor.Take out

yourLife’sIntentions.Towhichintentionsdoesyourgoalrelate?Inotherwords,is it relevant to who you are and what you want to be? One of my Life’sIntentions is “tobe an adventurer.”Anotherone is “tobephysically fit.”Andwhen Iattachmygoalofwhite-water raftingdown theColoradoRiver to that

intention, I givemy goal the juice ofmyLife’s Intentions.A goal of owningyourownhomemightsatisfytheLife’sIntention“tobefinanciallysuccessful.”WritetheLife’sIntention(s)satisfiedbyyourgoalnexttoit.Next, does proceeding with this goal demonstrate one or more of your

StandardsofIntegrity?Forexample,oneofmystandards is“courageous.”IfIlearn to scuba dive, whether or not I am afraid, I demonstrate courage. If IactuallysavethemoneytomakeadownpaymentonthehouseIwant,ImightbedemonstratingtheStandardofIntegrityofbeingtrustworthy.Ingoing foranygoal,askyourself if it isconsistentwithyourStandardsof

Integrity.Isthegoaloutsideyourintegrityinanyway?Doesitaskyoutolieorcheat?Are you being irresponsible in trying to attain it now?Check this out.WhenyoumaintainyourStandardsofIntegrity,youpropelyourselfforwardtomeet yourgoals.Theway is clear and easy.Actingoutsideof these standardsusuallyresultsinstruggleandadefinitelackofenjoyment.Finally,whatnumberdoyougiveyourgoalonthe1-to-10“HowmuchdoI

want it?” scale? Is it a 10, amust-have?Or ayawning1?Assignyourgoal anumberrightnow.Ifyouchose8orabove,goforit.Ifthenumberyoupickedisbelow8—I’msorry,youneed tocross itoff the list.Why?Becauseyoudon’treallywantit.Allowyourselftopickagoalthatrepresentssomethingyouwant,somethingthatbringsyoujoy.Screen your goal to be sure it’s relevant in these three ways. It may seem

laboriousatfirst,butrememberthatyouarelearningtocreateintegrity-andjoy-basedgoals.Theywillhavethelivingspiritthatsustainsyouonyourpath.Tisfortime-based.Youmustanchoryourgoalintimebygivingitadateby

which it’ll be accomplished. As you do this you are making a promise toyourself and demonstrating that you are earnest about getting it. This is apowerfulsteptotake.Atthesametime,it isastepthatmanyofusavoid.Weprefertosay“Nextsummersometime,”or“I’lldoitnextyear.”Thistakestheteethoutofyourgoal.Insalesterms,itislikedoingalltheworktomakeasaleandnotclosingthedeal.Adefinitedateclosesthedealyoumakewithyourself.Inthisway,youaretakingyourselfandyourgoalsseriously.IknowMonkeyMind is screaming, “Wait! Idon’tknow! It’s impossible to

figureouthowlongthiswilltake.Don’tbeunreasonable!”Butjustpickadateanyway,atimewithinoneyearwhenyouareactuallygoingtoaccomplishyourgoal.Ifit’shardforyou,askafriendorlovedonetositwithyouasyoudoit.Sometimes, creatinggoals for the first timemakesus feel vulnerable, becausewe’reopeningourselvesuptothepossibilityofbringingmorejoyintoourlives.Excitingasthatis,it’salsofrightening.Feelthefear,andtheexcitement,andletyourgoalbespecific,anchoredintime.

Exercisingthreetimesaweekforoneyearisnotagoal.Neitheris“readingfivepagesof inspirationalwriting.”Agoal is not anopen-endedprocess.Youcomplete it, rejoice, andgoon to thenextone.Asamatterof fact,whenyoureachagoalitdisappears!Itisnolongeragoal.Ithasbeenactualized.

AGOALISAYES,NOTANO

There’sonemorefiltertouseasyoulookatthegoalsinyourlife.Askyourself:Ismygoalapositiveoranegative?Losing or stopping something is not a goal. You may want to lose twelve

pounds,ortostopsmoking.Thosearelaudableambitions,buttheyarenotgoals.They’retasks.Howdoyouknow?Yougetnoexcitementfromdoingthem.Youwouldnotwakeuponemorningandsay“Ijustlovedetoxifyingfromnicotine!”Similarly,youcouldlosetwelvepoundsinmanyways.Onewayisbybeingillandunabletoeat.Ifyou’reaconsultantandhavehugeaccountsreceivable,thencollectingthese

overdueaccountsisagoodthing.Butit’snotagoal;it’satask.It’snotfuntodo.Whatyouexperiencewhenyou’vedoneitisrelief,notjoy.Youarerelievedthatyougotthemoney,andperhapsabitregretfulthatittooksolongtogetit.Thatkindofrelief,coupledwithregretthatyoudidn’tdoitsooner,arethehallmarksof“todo’s.”Oryoumightmakeanappointmentwithacertifiedfinancialplanner.Again,a

great“todo,”butnotagoal.Yourecognizethatyououghttodoit,thatitwouldbegoodforyou,butitdoesn’texactlymakeyourheartsing.Itispossible,however,thatgoalsarehiddenbeneaththosetasks.Thisishow

youdiscoverthem:1. Look at what you really want for your body. What are your Life’s

Intentions?Forexample,youmayfindthatoneintentionbehindwantingtostopsmokingis“tobephysicallyfit.”Theintentionsbehindgettingcurrentwithyouraccounts receivable and seeing a financial plannermight be “to be financiallysuccessful.”2. Look at one goal you could have that would demonstrate that you are

physically fit. Something youwant to do on a level of 8 or above. Youmaydiscover thatyouhavealwayswanted tohike inNewZealand, runa10K,gowhite-water raftingon theColoradoRiver,orbikefrominn to innona trip toVermont. In some cases youmay have put off your dream until you lost thatweightorstoppedsmoking.Yetthisstrategyhasgottenyounowhere.Yourgoalfortheaccountsreceivablemightbetobuythenewofficefurniture

you’vebeenwantingforever,anddoingitwithease.Seeingafinancialplannermight make it possible for you to take that three-month vacation in Europe

you’vebeenputtingoff.3. Are you willing to have a goal that demonstrates the intention to be

physicallyfit?Ifyousayyes,youareonyourwaytoexpandingyourpersonalparadigm.Forexample,ifyouchoosetobikefrominntoinn,youwillneedtoexerciseinordertoprepare.Exercisewillhelpyouloseweight,althoughnotasmuchweightasyou think, ifyouareaddingmuscle. Ihavea friendwhosaysshedoesn’tcarehowmuchsheweighsaslongasshelookslikeTinaTurner.Theexercisewillmostcertainlysupportyouinatasklikestoppingsmoking.

But it is thegoal itselfwithin the task thatwill inspireyou.Newabilitiesandexperiencesbecomeavailablewhenyouhaveabody that isphysically fit,andwhenyouarefinanciallysuccessful.Now that you knowwhat a goal is, andwhatmakes a goal powerful, let’s

bringwhatyouknowintophysicalrealityandcreatesome.

ExercisesforCreatingYourGoalsThefollowingisyourhandbookforcreatingpowerful,meaningfulgoals.Itwillletyouworkwiththeideasyou’vejustconsidered.Likeamagician’snotebook,it’spreciselycraftedtohelpyouenergizeyourdreamsmorequicklythanyou’veeverimagined.In the exercises that follow, you’ll come up with a list of goals that have

power for you and that are connected to your deepest Life’s Intentions. Thenyou’llchooseahandfulofgoalsthatyouwanttoreachinthecomingyear,andcreateaTreasureMapfortheoneyou’dliketostartplayingtowardfirst.Pleasegiveyourselffullytotheexercisesbelow.Theywork.You’rereadyfor

them.Theyarean importantaspectofyourhero’s journey. Ifpossible,do thisnextworkwithatleastoneotherperson.Supportiscrucialhere.

PARTONE:HOWDOYOUFEELABOUTGOALS?

Youwill needyournotebook, apenorpencil, and about twentyuninterruptedminutes.On a newpage in your notebook,write theword “goal.”Take twominutes

andwritedownevery thoughtor feeling thatoccurs toyouwhenyousee thatword.Behonest.Writeitalldown,evenifitdoesnotseemtomakeanysense.You canwritewhole phrases or singlewords. If you notice a body sensation,writethatdownaswell.Whatdoyounotice?Thefollowingexamplesmayspark

yourexamination.

JESSIE: At first my mind went blank. Then came words like “play,”“inspiring,” and “free.” But as I listed those words, I found my chesttighteningup,andasenseofsadnesscameoverme.

MARK: “Productive,” “useful,” “purposeful,” “on target” came tomind.Allthat’sokay,butwhere’sthefun?

ROGER:Ididn’twanttodothisexercise.Ithought,“Thiswillbetoohard,andbesides,Idon’tdeservetohavethegoalsIreallywant.”

ESTHER:Igotannoyedatthethoughtoflookingattheword“goal.”WhyshouldIhavegoals?Theywon’tcometrueanyway.

BOB:AsIdidthisexerciseIsawthatIliketocreategoals.ButonceIdo,theyseemtogoflat.MaybeI’mjustanideaperson.

Youmayhavea reaction to theword“goal” that’sunlikeanyof theabove.

That’sfine.Justlookatwhatyouwrote.Wouldyouhavewrittenthesamethingwhenyouweretenyearsold?Wouldyourmoodhavebeenthesame?Next,onthesamepieceofpapermakealistofatleasttengoalsyouhavethat

would take timeormoney to accomplish.Canyou even thinkof ten?Does itseemlikeaburdentodothis?That’sokay.You’reontrack.Justkeepgoing!Readthesegoalstoanotherperson.Howdoyoufeel?Wouldyoureallywant

topostthispaperwhenyoucouldseeiteveryday?Wouldyoubejustashappytearingitupandusingitforhamsterlitter?Behonest.Theremaybesomethataregreat,but someyou justdread.Howdoes thisall compare to thewayyoumighthaveexperiencedtheexercisewhenyouweretenyearsold?Many people are surprised at how onerous it is even to think about goals.

They find themselves feeling heavy, and even achy. It’s important to notice ifyouhavethesefeelings.Stickwithit.Reliefisinsight.Ifyouwant,tearupthislistandthrowitaway!You’regoingtogobeyondthosethoughtsandfeelingstodiscoverthejoyoftruegoals.

PARTTWO:OPENINGTHEDOORTOYOURDREAMS

Youwillneedyournotebookandpen,andasmalltaperecorder.Tohelpyouintheprocessofcreatingsomegoals, recordwhatfollowsonacassetteand then

playitbacktoyourself.Ifyouprefer,havesomeonereadittoyou.Thisexercisewilltakeabouttwentyminutes.Youmayrepeatitasmanytimesasyoulike.Record and then listen to the following guided meditation. Pause for two

secondswhereyouseethethreedots.

Sitbackandrelax.Havebothfeetonthefloor,handsrestinggentlyinyourlap.Closeyoureyeswhenyouareready.Takeadeepbreath.Feelforanytensespotsinyourbody.Locatethem,andbreatheintothesepointsoftension.Asyoubreatheout,letthatbitoftensiongo…

Recall a time when you were eight or ten years old and wantedsomething.Wasitsomethingyouwantedtodo?Tobe?Whatwasit?Ifitwasanobjectsuchasabike,whatcolorwasit?Ifitwastohaveaspecialjob or life’s work, what was it? Did you want to travel? Become aprofessionalathlete?Amusician?Apainter?Letyourselfrememberwhatitwas like to want what you wanted. Notice how your body feels as itremembershowitwasforyoutoknowyoureallywantedthings…Takeanotherdeepbreath.Exhalegently…Bring your awareness back to the present. You are sitting in a seat of

power. It looksandfeels just likeaseatofpowerwould…howeveryoumightpicturethatinyourmind’seye.Itmightbeahugethroneinaroyalpalaceoracomfortableleatherexecutive’schairinaspectacularpenthouseoffice…In this seat, anything you truly want to have, do, or be can be made

real…Allyouneedtodoisletyourselfknowwhatitis.Letyourselfpickwhat your heart reallywants…What brings you joy? Education, travel,creativeprojects, theperfect jobandmoreareyours…Youhaveonly toaskforwhatyouwantandyouwillreceiveit…Letyourselfsee,feel,orhearwhatitisyoureallywant…Whatisitthat

makesyougladorexcited?…Findthewordsforwhatyouwantandsaythemtoyourself…Whether you have become aware of some goals or not, something

wonderful has happened. Sitting in this seat of power youhave begun toenergizeyour imagination.Youhaveopened thedoor todiscoveringyourgoals.Ifyoudonotyetknowwhattheyare,youmaysurpriseyourselfbydaydreaming or having a dreamwhen you go to sleep at night that willrevealsomethingtoyouaboutyourgoals.Wheneverthishappens,writethedreamordaydreamdownsoyouwill remember it.Youwillalsosee thatyouhavealwaysknownsomewhereinyourheartwhatthesedreamsare.

When you are ready, open your eyes. Write down whatever goalspresentedthemselvestoyou.

Makealistnowofallthegoalsyoucanthinkofthatwouldbeworthhaving.

Note themnomatter howmuchyou think theymight cost or howmuch timetheymight take to get. Just look inside.Youmay hearMonkeyMind saying,“Buthowwill Iget it?This is toodifficult. Idon’thave timeor themoney. Ihavenodirection.”Standbackforamoment.Askyourself,“WhichamImoreinterestedin,dancingwithmydoubts,ordancingwithmygoalsanddreams?”Choosethedreamstodancewith,regardlessofhowMonkeyMindchatters.Let thegoalscomefromthe topofyourheadand thebottomofyourheart.

Listwhatevercomesup,nomatterhowsillyor frivolous it sounds.This isnotimetocensoryourself.Youhaveprobablydonethatfortoolongalready.Keepgoinguntilyouhaveatleasttentofifteenitemsonyourlist.Feelfreetorepeattheclosed-eyemeditationasoftenasyoulike.Eachtimewillopenyoumoretothisprocessofdiggingforgoals.Here’sapartiallistofthetypesofgoalspeopleintheYouandMoneyCourse

havechosenovertheyears.

ReplantmygardenSponsoralocalchildforeducationaltravelTakemychildrentoYellowstoneParkGowhite-waterraftingontheColoradoRiverWriteastorybookforchildrensixtoeightyearsoldOpenarestaurantBuyanewhomeBeabenefactorfortheRedCrossBuyacomputerGetanairplanepilot’slicenseRedecoratemyhomeGotoTahitiwithmyhoneyHaveaninvestmentportfolioof$2,000WriteascreenplayHavemyfirstartexhibitEnrollinaPh.D.programReachtheGoldenCircleawardforrealestatesales

How did you feel as you got in touch with some goals? Excited? Scared?Vulnerable?Were you bursting with creativity or dried up like an old desertwatering hole? If it’s the latter, keep going. There is water there. Howmanypassesdid it takebeforeyoucameupwitha list?DidMonkeyMindcomeupwithsomenewobjections?Nowisthetimetotalkaboutthiswithsomeoneyouknow. You have started a process that will continue long after this particularexercise.

PARTTHREE:REFINEYOURLIST

Tomastertheartofcreatingmeaningfulgoals,youmustlearntoseewhatyoutrulywant.This involves thedisciplineof layingaside, at least for amoment,whateverisnotwhatyouwant.Thusyoucultivatetheabilitytogenerateenergybylettinggoofinsignificantelementsthatdissipateit.Returningtoyourlistofgoals,chooseonethatyouarewillingtohavebyone

yearfromtoday.Whenyouchooseagoal,youembraceitasapossibility.Thisisoften difficult, given the nature of Monkey Mind. For a moment, becomeunreasonable.Lookatwhatyouwant tobe,do,orhavewithin thisyear.Pickone goal. In that simple act liesmore courage than almost anything else youcoulddo.If you have chosen a goal, congratulate yourself! You are stepping beyond

your structure of knowing.You are reinvigorating an ability you have had allyour life—the ability to choosewhat youwant. If you have not yet chosen agoal…breathe!Youmay, asmany others have done, come upwith a choicelater, when you least expect it. Youmight even dream about the choice. Justacknowledgeyourselfforcomingthisfar!You’redoingwell.

PARTFOUR:BESURETHATYOURGOALISPOWERFUL

Lookat thegoalyouhavechosen.Nowturnbackto thesectionthatdescribeshowtohavepowerfulgoals,andwalkyourgoalthroughallthefilterswe’veputinplace.Wewanttoensurethatit’sagoalandnotatask.Then,stepbystep,askyourself if you have crafted a SMART goal. Is it Specific? Measurable?Attainable? Relevant? Time-based? Measure your goal against each of thequestionsyoufind.Mostofall,askyourself:Willattaining thisgoalbringmejoy?Ifyourgoalistrue,SMART,andjoybased,thencontinueon.Ifyouneedto

refine your goal, or choose a new one, go back to Part One. Be gentle withyourselfasyoufocusonyourdreams.

THETREASUREMAP:APHYSICALPICTUREOFYOURGOAL

One of themost powerfulways I know to focus your energy on your goal iscalledTreasureMapping.WriterNapoleonHilldiscoveredthatpeoplewhoaresuccessfulwritetheirgoalsdown.InTreasureMapping,yougoonestepfurther.Youcreateagraphic,colorful representationofyourheart’sdesire.ATreasureMapisyourbesteffort tocreateacomprehensive,mentalvisualizationofhowyourlifewilllookwhenyouhaveattainedyourgoal.TreasureMappingbeginstheprocessoftakingyourgoalfromtheideastage

intophysicalreality.Itactsasanenergymagnetorgoalgenerator,boostingyourpower.TheveryactofcreatingaTreasureMapputsyouonthepathtosuccess.The urge to create visual representations of what wewant is in our blood.

Ancient pictographsor petroglyphsbyprehistoric humans are thought to havebeen an artistic way to bring forth “bison energy.” Today you can alsoexperience this process. Look at a picture of a car you want. Find a travelbrochurewiththemountainsorbeachesyoulove.Doyoufeeltheexcitement?Canyouputyourselfinthepicture?Whenyouconsciouslyenergizeyourgoalsinthisway,youawakenanability

that may have been dormant within you for much of your life. In creating aTreasureMap,youcallforththespiritofwhatyouarepursuing.Thisisasimpleprocess,althoughitmightnotimmediatelyseemso.Youmayhavemanyyearsofinertiatoclearaway.Perhapsyouhavetoldyourselfthatit’ssillytobeguidedbyyourdreams.TheactofcreatingTreasureMaps foryourgoals isanactofvulnerabilitythatcontradictsMonkeyMind’schidings,whichmayinclude:

“You’reactinglikeakidplaying‘let’spretend.’”“Thiswillneverwork.”“You’dbettermakesurenobodyseeswhatyouaredoing.”“Gettingwhatyouwantiswaytoocomplicated!”“Areyousureyouwanttomakesuchabigdealoutofthis?”

Over the past sixteen years I have consultedwith people on approximately

16,000TreasureMaps.DuringtheYouandMoneyCourse,eachpersoncomesupwithanumberofgoalsandmakesTreasureMapsforeachone.Ioftenhaveseenandheardaboutmanymiraclesassociatedwiththem:

ALAN: I Treasure Mapped a Victorian-looking home, white with bluetrim.Icutoutamagazinepictureofahouseandputapictureofmyself—holdingaSOLD sign—in front. Itwasdatedeightmonths into the future. Ihadno ideahowIwasgoing tocomeupwithabigdownpayment.FourmonthslaterIwasridingmybikewhenIsawahousewithaFORSALEsign.Theownerhadtomovebecauseofapromotionatwork.Hewaswillingtocarry the paper with a small down payment. I bought the house. It wasalmostanexactcopyofmyTreasureMappicture.

CHRISTIE:Twomonthsafter IdidaTreasureMapaboutwanting tomakemoneywhile travelingaround theworld, Imetacousinata familyreunion.HewasgoingtotraveltheSouthPacific,teachingscubadiving.Iremembered my Treasure Map. I’d already gotten my scuba-divingcertificate,andIdecidedthenandtheretogetmyinstructor’slicense.Whypass up something that might make my dream come true? I wrote mycousininTahiti.He’dlandedagreatjobwithacruiselineteachingresortdiving courses. They needed another instructor. I flew down and got thejob.

JACK: I sell medical equipment and Treasure Mapped a goal ofmakinganet incomeof$10,000amonth for threeconsecutivemonths. IlookedatmyTreasureMapeverymorning.Itwaslikeabeacon.Iwoundupclearing$12,000amonth!

LOUISE:MyTreasureMapwastodoublemygrossbytheendoftheyear.Ihelpcitieswiththeirdesignsfortrafficflow.Igotveryclearaboutmy Life’s Intention and my goal, and I expressed myself so clearly tocontractorsthattwoweekslaterIlandeda$27,000contract—andIactuallydoubledmygross in threemonths,with sixmonths remaining before theendoftheyear.

ThesearejustafewofhundredsofstoriesI’veheardfrompeoplewho’veusedtheTreasureMappingprocess.Otherstravelingthispathhave:

•Publishedbooksandscreenplays

•BeenrecognizedasSuccessfulEntrepreneuroftheYear•Completedanaward-winningarchitecturalprojectinrecordtime,withease•TrekkedtheHimalayas,withthetimeandmoneytodoitthoroughly•Hadsuccessattheirfirstartexhibits•Becomeawell-respectedandhighlypaidbusinessconsultant•Createdanewwardrobewithawell-conditionedbodytofitintoit•Developedasuccessfulsoftwarepackageforelectronicbooks.

If you look, you’ll find that every goal you create involves the energy ofmoney in someway.Your TreasureMapwill help you focus all six forms ofenergytowardyourgoal.Allmannerofunforeseenincidentswillbegintocomeyour way. You will become more aware of already existing windows ofopportunity.Perhaps conscious intention reallydoes create theprobability thatsomethingwill happen, as quantum physicists believe.Whatever the case, theTreasureMaphelpsyouprepareforyoursuccess.WiththeintentionalfocusthataTreasureMaprepresents,youwilllikelyrealizeyourgoalinfull.

TreasureMapExercise:MappingYourGoalAreyouwillingtohavewhatyouwant—evenifitmeansdoingsomethingnewor different? If you answer yes, use the following guidelines. I’ve developedthem carefully and thoroughly after years of working with people on theirdreams.Youareabouttostepoutsideyourpersonalparadigmaboutgoals.Startrightnowbytakingyourdreamsseriouslyanddoexactlywhatsuccessfulpeoplebeforeyouhavedone.Bepreciseabouteverydetailofyourmapandgetreadyformiracles!Youwillneed:

•Scissorsandtwogluesticks•Onepieceofposterboard,around18″by24″.Whiteisthebestcolortouse.•Coloredconstructionpaper:aboutfivepieces• Magazines, brochures, and catalogues with colorful pictures. Having

publications that depict the general subject area of your goal is best. Forexample, get architectural or home magazines for home, travel magazines orbrochuresforvacations,andbusinessmagazinesforcareergoals.•Magazinesorbrochureswithcatchyorinspirationalphrasesthatcanbecut

outandpastedtoyourmap.

•Calendarswithdatesatleast1″highthatcanbecutout.•Arecentphotographofyourselfandwhoeverwillsharethisgoalwithyou.

Pleasenote:MakesureyougetpermissionbeforeplacinganyonebutyourselfonyourTreasureMap.•Yournotebook.

IntheYouandMoneyCourse,makingTreasureMapsisagroupprocess.Weworktogether,givefeedback,andshareideas.Thesheerenergyandsynergyofthegrouphelpovercometheinertiaofyouroldbeliefs.Consider making your map with at least one or two friends. After all,

everyonewhohasadreamoragoalcanusesomecompanyastheybegintheirjourney toward it.And everyone can benefit fromhaving aTreasureMap.Asyou help each other, you can find pictures and words to share. Support eachother to venture outside your old beliefs. Entertain and include novelways torepresentyourgoal.Infact,themostpowerfulwaytomakeaTreasureMapistobepresentwhileyourfriendsmakeitforyou!Youpickafewofthepictures,butyougivethempermissiontofindmostofthemandconstructthemap.OneYouandMoneyparticipantreportedthefollowing:

SUSAN:MyheartalmoststoppedwhenyouaskedusnottoworkonourownTreasureMaps!Ididn’tthinkIcouldjustletotherpeoplemakeitforme.Ithoughtthey’dmisstheessenceofmygoal,whichistotakeatriptotheBahamaswithmyhusbandforourfourteenthanniversary.Well,afterIgotovertheshock,Irelaxed.Surrendered,really.Theycameupwithsomeof the most beautiful pictures and feeling words. I wouldn’t ever haveimaginedsuchanexquisite,gorgeousmapformyself!

The process of creating a Treasure Map can bring up some of the mental

obstaclesthathavedistractedyouinthepastfromgettingyourgoal.Thesemaybetheveryonesyouhavebeenwaitingtodisappearbeforeyousetoutonyourjourney.Inthisway,it’slikeasmalllaboratoryinwhichyougettohearMonkeyMind’smedleyofyourfavoriteexcuses.Asyoucontinuetowork,regardlessofyourmind chatter, you diminish their potency. Itwill be useful to pause fromtimetotimeandnotetheconversationsandfeelingsthatarisewhileyoucreateyourmap.HereishowtogoaboutputtingyourTreasureMaptogether:

1.Create a phrase that describes your goal. Put it in the present tense. Forexample, insteadof saying,“Iwillbeonabeach inHawaiiwithmychildren,April14,____[year],”write“Iamatabeachwithmychildren,April14,____[year].”2.Takeoutyourphotograph(s)andglue themonyourTreasureMap.Place

themanywhereyoulike.Thisisthefirstbigstepinputtingyourself(andanyoneelseyouhavechosen,withtheirpermission)onthejourneytowardyourgoal.3.Lookthroughyourmagazinesandformthegoalphrasefromwordsyoucut

out.Donotwritethesewordsorprintthemfromyourcomputer.Asyoulookforthewordsinthesemagazines,youarebroadeningyouroptions.Youmayfindaneven better way to express your goal. Glue this goal on your TreasureMap,preferably somewhere toward the top. If you wish, cut out a piece ofconstruction paper and use it as a colorful backdrop for the new phrase thatdescribesyourgoal.4. Find colorful pictures that represent your goal. Use the magazines,

brochures,andcataloguesthatyouhavecollected.DonotdrawanythingonyourTreasureMap. Your drawings are influenced by the very beliefs that you aremovingbeyond.Whetheritisacar,ahome,anewjob,atriparoundtheworldoranacademicdegree,findpicturesthatmakeyourgoalcrystalclear.5. As you place the pictures and glue them down,make sure you fill your

entireTreasureMap.Youwantittoexplodewithcolorasitembodiesyourgoal.Do youwant a car?Get a picture of it from amagazine.You can even placeanotherpictureofyourself inside it.Howaboutopeningabusiness?Youmaywant a picture of yourself sitting at a desk, or standing in front of your store,equipment,ranch,etc.Letyourimaginationflow.Onewomanwanted tobegina career as amotionpicturephotographer.We

foundthetypeofcamerashewouldbeusingandhadherpicturetakenwithit.Aman who wanted to open a homeless shelter got a sign, printed it with theshelter’slogo,andgothispicturetakenstandinginfrontofit.6.AsyouworkonyourTreasureMap, remember tobreathe.Youaredoing

whatyouhavebeenborntodo.Youarebringingadreamintoreality.Youareshowing that you respect yourself and take your goals seriously. Honor yourgoals.Theycomefromyourheart.When you notice thoughts or feelings becoming strong, take out your

notebook and write about them. What are you saying to yourself? Whatemotionsarecomingup?Havethesestoppedyouinthepast?Ifso,when?Youare recreatingyourability topictureandclaimyourgoals.Youwill encounteryouroldobstaclesalongtheway.Thisisanaturalprocess.7.Clipwordsandphrasesthatreflecthowyouwillfeelwhenyouattainyour

goal.Makesurethatyouchoosefeelingwordsthatdescribefeelings.Theymusthaveanemotionalchargeforyou.Wordssuchas“important”and“successful,”andphrasessuchas“thebest justgetsbetter,”aremotivational,notemotional.YoucanputthemonyourTreasureMap,buttheyarenotfeelingwords.Here are some examples of feeling words: admiring, adoring, amused,

appreciative, blissful, boisterous, bold, brave, calm, certain, cheerful,comfortable, confident, courageous, daring, determined, eager, ecstatic,enchanted, encouraged, energetic, energized, enthralled, enthusiastic, excited,exhilarated, exuberant, fascinated, free, glad, grateful, gratified, great, happy,hopeful,intrigued,joyful,joyous,loving,moved,optimistic,passionate,patient,playful, relaxed, satisfied, secure, sensitive, strong, tender, thankful, thrilled,valiant,vibrant,warm,wonderful,zany,zealous,zestful.Youmight use colorful construction paper as a backing for thewords.This

helpsmakethemdistinctonthemap.As you go through magazines and brochures, you may be surprised to

discover how few feeling words we use.We rely upon concepts. “Go for thegold!” “Be a winner.” “You deserve the best.” These expressions are notreflectionsoftheheart-centeredemotionwe’relookingfor.Huntingforfeelingsand placing themon yourmap puts you into the immediate experience of thegoal. The immediacy of feelingwordswill draw you down your path. If youglance at an ancient pictograph, you can sense the feelings of its creator. Theexperienceisvivid,evenafterthousandsofyears.8. Include, in clearly visible type cut from a printed page, brochure, or

calendar, theexactmonth,day,andyearyouwillattainyourgoal.Thedate iswheretherubbermeetstheroad.Thisanchorsthegoalinphysicalreality.Makeitbiggerthanyouthinkyoushould.Thenitwillbejustright.9.Addtothemapatleastoneoftheintentionsthatsupportthegoal.It,too,

shouldbeinaphrasemadeupofwordsclippedfrommagazines.Havethem,asmuchaspossible,beginwiththewords“tobe.”Forexample:“tobefinanciallysuccessful”;“tobeanexhibitedartist”;“tobephysically fit.”Onceagain,youmightusesomecolorfulconstructionpaperasabackdrop.Thissets thewordsofffromtherestofthemap.

You have just completed an important project. It is time to share yourexperience with others. What were your thoughts and feelings during theprocess?Herearesomequestionstoaskyourself:

1.DidanyMonkeyMindconversationsemerge?Didyouwritethemdown?Ifnot,takeamomenthereandnotethem.Whatwasitliketoworkthroughthesewithoutwaitingforthemtogoaway?2.Whatwasitliketohuntforfeelingwords?Hasthisprocessbroadenedthe

typesofwordsyoucanusetoexpressyouremotionalstatesingeneral?3.IsyourTreasureMapcolorfulandgraphic?Whatdoyouperceiveasyou

lookatit?Nowisthetimetoaddanypartsthataremissing.

ShowthisTreasureMaptoatleasttwopeoplewhohavenothelpedyouwithit. See if they can tellwhat the goal iswithout your explaining it. If they areconfused,lookforwhatismissingfromthemap.Peopleshouldbeabletotellata glance what it is about. You want to come away from your Treasure Mapfeelingthatthetotalimageyouhavecreatedisprintedindeliblyinyourmind.Place themapwhereyoucaneasily see it.Lookat themaponceaday for

thirtydays.Readthegoal,intentions,andfeelingwords.Theprocesshasbegun.

KEEPGOING

Ifyouhavecompletedtheprocessoutlinedaboveforonegoal,congratulations!Continue with the process until you have identified two goals that you arewillingtohavewithinoneyearfromnow.IencourageyoutochooseatleastonegoalthatexpressesyourLife’sIntentiontobefinanciallysuccessful.Rememberthat you needn’t think in extravagant terms. You can start out small—say, bysaving$50amonthtowardcreatinganinvestmentportfolio.Andifthatsoundstoouninspiring, findsomething that trulyexcitesandchallengesyou.Letyourgoals be big enough to stretch you, realistic enough to let you demonstratesuccess.Ifyoucontinueon thispath,andfollowthecoachingyou’ll find in thenext

chapter,Ipromiseyoumiracles!Remember,youaresuccessfulifyoucantakeadream, articulate it as a goal, and know that you will keep your promise toyourselftoattainorevensurpassit.

PARTII

BlockstoProgress

PRINCIPLE4

You have your Standards of Integrity, Life’s Intentions, and some goals tomanifestinthephysicalrealm.Whatnow?Theminuteyoubecomeclearaboutwhereyou’regoing,youmaystarttosee

where you’ve slowed yourself down in the past. The next three chapters areaboutidentifyinginnerblockstoprogress.Youwilllearnhowtodealwithyourdragons,sothatyoucankeepmovingforward.Whatdoyoudowhenyoustepoutonyourpathandencounteryouroldwaysofproceeding?Howdoyougobeyondyourself-createdpatterns?Doyouthrowmoreenergyatitintheformsofphysicalvitality,time,andmoney?Notice if you’re feeling a little concerned or impatient as you read those

words.Manyofus areused to just “going for it” full tilt and trying topowerourselves down the road. If something doesn’t work, we may even try to domoreofwhateverwe’redoing—just a little bit harder.Asmuch asyoumightwant to runfullspeeddownyourhero’spath, that’snotalwaysyournextbestcourseofaction.Nowthatyou’reabletofreeupmoreenergy,youneedtoknowhowtouseitwisely.InthenextfewchaptersIsimplyaskyoutoobserveyourbehavior.Takesome

timetoaskyourselfifwhatyouaredoingisinalignmentwithyourStandardsofIntegrityandyourLife’sIntentions.Weallengageindrivenbehaviorandhaveothermentalblockstoprogress.Youknowyourownparticulartendencies.Whatyouneedtodoaboutdriven

behavior is to noticewhenyou are engaged in it, tell the truth, and shift yourattention to your Standards of Integrity, your Life’s Intentions, and achievingyour goals. That will keep you on your hero’s journey and stop theMonkeyMind.

FACINGFEAR

Fear is a natural response to a perception about the future. Sometimes ourMonkeyMindspaintdreadfulpicturesaboutwhatcouldhappen,andwereacttoitasthoughitreallywillhappen.IonceheardsomeonesaythatfearstandsforFalseEvidenceAppearingReal.

ItremindsmeofasayingattributedtoMarkTwain:“Iamanoldman,andI’velived through many trials and tribulations, most of which never reallyhappened.”If your goals are attempts to get away from fear, youwaste a lot of energy

tryingtogetsomethingyoudon’treallywant.Youexpendeffortinanattempttohandleyourdiscomfort.Tryingtoachieveagoaltogetawayfromyourfearisqualitativelydifferentfromgoingforsomethingyoureallyenjoy.Youuseyourenergyinwaysthatexhaustyou.There’snosatisfaction,maybejustmomentaryreliefbeforethenextsurgeofanxiety.If you can identify with what I’m describing, then I know you’re tired of

doingthingsintheoldwaysthatyou’reusedto.Instead,youwanttouseyourenergytoaccomplishgoalsthatwillcontributetoyouandthoseyoulove.That’swhatyourhero’sjourneyisallabout.Thischapterwillhaveyoulookatwhenandhowyourunfromfear,sothat

you can channel the energyofmoney towardwhat youwant. For this reason,each sectionconcludeswith a seriesofquestions.Asyouanswer them,you’llseemoreclearlywhathasrealvalueforyou.BringyourStandardsofIntegrityandyourLife’sIntentionswithyouasyou

read thischapter. Ifyouhaven’tyetdiscoveredwhat theyare,please return toPrinciple2andcompletetheexercisesthere.You’llusethemtoremindyouofwhoyoureallyare.Sometimeswewilldowhateverittakestogetawayfromthefeelingoffear.

Enter,drivenbehavior.

DRIVENBEHAVIOR:DON’TJUSTDOIT!

Youmaynotbeawareofit,but“JustDoIt”isasloganthatgreetsyoufirstthingeverymorningasyousnatchtenminutesforthenewspaperandyourfirstcupofcoffee.Itisthereinalmosteveryadyoureadorcommercialyoulistentoasyouheadforwork. Itwalkswithyouduring thedaywhileyoucheckoff itemsonyour“todo”list,anditwaitsforyouasyoutakeyourtiredbodyandmindtothebookstoretobuythelatestprimeronpeakperformance.Theubiquitousphraseisalwayscompletedwithanexclamationmark:Justdoit!Think about it. For most of us life is all about “peak performance,” doing

more,anddoingitbetterandfaster.Arecentbillboardadforahealthclubshowsawomanhittingapunchingbagnexttothree-foot-talllettersthatread:“Youcanrestwhenyou’redead.”We have our lists, our goals, our plans—and to accompany them,we have

endless activity.We’re sleep-deprived, exhausted, busier than ever before, andyetourdreamsstillseemdistant.That’sbecausewecan’treachthembyjustanykindofaction.Manyofusare

caughtup inacycleofdrivenbehavior:activity in thephysicaldomain that isnot anchored to our Life’s Intentions in the metaphysical domain. Drivenbehaviorisalotlikefliesbuzzinginfastcirclesonahotday:itproducesalotofnoiseandactivitybutleavesbehindnothingofsubstance.There’snoconnectionatall toourpurpose,direction,aim,ordreams—andall thedrivenbehavior intheworldcan’ttakeusanyclosertothem.

Drivenbehaviorcommandsourattentionbecauseitfeelsextremelyurgent.In

fact,there’sasense,whenwe’recaughtupinit,thatit’samatterofsurvival,asthoughwe’resharksfatedtoeitherkeepmovingordie.Thiskindofbehaviorisallabouttryingtoavoidfear,whetherit’sfearthatwedon’thaveenoughmoneyorenoughtime,don’tknowenough,ordon’thaveenoughtalent.Runningfromthisfearlocksusintopatternsofbehaviorthatwedon’tthink

aboutmuch.We’reundertoomuchstresstostopwhatwe’redoingandaskifit’sworkingforus,orifit’swhatwereallywant.Wethinkwedon’thavetimetogetoffthefasttrackandchange.Ourracingthoughtsblindusfromseeingwhathasrealmeaningforus.Instead,we’redistractedbywhatwemusthave,be,ordojust to survive. “I’ll rest and figure out what I really want someday,” we tellourselves,“justassoonasIgetpastthiscrisis.”Gutitout,wesay.“Youcanrestwhenyou’redead.”InThe TibetanBook of Living andDying, Sogyal Rinpochewrites that our

drivenbehaviorisatypeofactivelazinessthat“consistsofcrammingourliveswithcompulsiveactivity,sothatthereisnotimeatalltoconfronttherealissues.Our livesseemto liveus, topossess theirownbizarremomentum, tocarryusaway.Intheendwefeelwehavenocontrolorchoiceoverthem.”Thecostoflivingourlivesfilledwithdrivenbehaviorishigh:

•Wetakeontoomuchoverhead—bigoffices,secretaries,supportpersonnel,phones—becauseweneedtolooksuccessful.Andwespendmostofourenergyworryingandjusttryingtokeepthebusinessafloat.•Weaccept toomuchbusinessbecausewe’rescared to turnanythingaway,

andwehavedifficultymakinggoodonpromisestocustomers.•Weletourselvesgetsotiredweendupmakingcostlymistakes.•Wecutcornerstogiveourselvesabreak,andthequalityofourworkgoes

down.•Wetakeunnecessaryorunwiserisksinthehopesofmakingaquickprofit.•We take onway toomuchwork but refuse to hire help, even thoughwe

couldaffordto.

All of us fall prey to driven behavior at one time or another. It’s a naturalconsequence of listening to Monkey Mind’s chatter. So for most of us thequestion is not whether we’re driven but inwhat ways we are driven by ourworries, doubts, and fears. As psychological and spiritual counselor and

meditationteacherSylviaBoorsteinsaysinthetitleofoneofherbooks,“Don’tjustdosomething,sitthere!”Our goal here is to uncoverwhere your own driven behavior has kept you

from focusing energy effectively.Wewant to find outwhere behavior of thiskindhasdissipatedyourenergy,andperhapsevenleftyoudepleted.Theclearerthisbecomes, themorequicklyyoucanmakeauthenticchoices—onesthataredeeply rooted in your intentions and dreams. Authentic choices yield results.Yourexperienceofanabundantlifeisthesumofyourauthenticchoicesminusthesumofyourdrivenbehavior.

ISITAUTHENTIC,ORAMIDRIVEN?

HowdowedistinguishbetweenanauthenticchoiceandonedrivenbyfearsandMonkeyMind?First,usethejoyfilter.BecauseanauthenticchoicereflectsyourLife’sIntentions,itbringsyouasenseofjoy.Whenyouhavemadeanauthenticchoice,itjustseemsright,andit’sdeeplysatisfying.Youknowyouaremovingclosertoyourgoalsandexpressingyourtruenatureinwaysthatareconstructiveand creative. You are doing and having what you really want, without guilt,exhaustion, resentment, or a sudden loss of interest once you hold it in yourhand.Driven behavior, on the other hand, has three distinguishing characteristics,

which we will look at in detail: repetition, limited satisfaction, andperfectionism.

SYMPTOM#1:REPETITION—PLAYITAGAIN,SAM

Therepetitionofdrivenbehaviorlookslikethis:Youdoorthinksomethingoverand over, even if it causes you trouble or needless effort. Evenwhen you getfrustrated,angry,orsadaboutit,youcontinuethebehaviororthought.AsRitaMae Brown put it, “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again,expectingdifferentresults.”Here’s how repetition looked in the lives of a few You and Money

participants:

FRANK: I alwayswait until the lastminute to paymy bills. I have themoney,but thatdoesn’tmatter.LastmonthIwaitedtoolongandtheycutoffmyphone.Itembarrassedthehelloutofme.Someofmyclientscalledandgot that recordingaboutmebeing“no longer in service.”This is thethirdtimeit’shappened.

JANE:IknowIcan’taffordit,butIhavetohavecabletelevisionwithall the channels. I don’t havemuch time to watch TV, but when I thinkaboutnotbeingabletoseewhatIwant,whenIwantit,Igetfrustrated.

Look now at your own life.What thoughts or behaviors are you repeating,

eventhoughyouknowtheydon’tserveyou?Writedownwhatyoudiscoverinyour notebook. Do you overspend regularly, or accumulate parking tickets?What is it that youpromiseyourself never to do again, only to catchyourselfdoing it yet another time? Look at what you do or think around Christmas,Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, birthdays, or other regular events. Do you find yourselfbuyingpresentsyoureallycannotafford?Areyoudriventoexplainyourself?Iknowthisisn’teasy,buttellthetruthtoyourself.Takenotesonhowyoufeel

as you look at your repetitive behavior. Are you embarrassed, humiliated,annoyed,bored,oroverwhelmed?Remember,thisispartofthehero’sjourney.Wearefacingthedarksidehere,withopeneyes.YoumaywanttopausetolookagainatyourStandardsofIntegrityandLife’sIntentions.Theyarewhatmatterhere!Thisotherstuffiswhat’sbeeninthewayofexpressingwhoyoureallyare.

TheRutSyndrome

RepetitionmayplayitselfoutinwhatIcallthe“RutSyndrome.”Arutisahabitorpatternthatblocksyourprogressonaparticularpath.Althoughrepetitious,itmaybesoautomaticas toescapeyourawareness.Whenyouare ina rutyourvisionisblocked.Youfeeluncomfortable,frustrated,orresigned.Assess the following true scenarios. In each case the person relies on old,

familiarwaysofcoping,evenwhenthesecopingmechanismscutoffthepathtoachievinghisorhergoalsanddreams.Note,too,thattheexcusesforstayingputusuallyseemvery“reasonable.”

RAY: IknowI’minarut,butat least it’sfamiliar.It’snot likesteppingoutintotheunknown.There’snothingworsethanthat.I’mforty-sevenandIworkforthestate.Forthreeyears,I’vebeentryingtodecidewhethertoleavethisjobandrunmyownconsultantandseminarbusiness.Iknowlotsaboutexecutivedevelopment,andit’ssomethingI’vealwayswantedtodo.But I’msevenyears from retirement and I’mmakingprettygoodmoney.Besides,IknowIcanputupwithsevenyearsofanything.

FRANK:Ihatetostayinonejobformorethanaboutayear.LastyearIsoldcomputers at a retailoutlet. Iwas thebest salesperson there. Iknowhowtotalktocustomers.Soonerorlater,themanagerstartstobugme.It’salwaysthesame.SowhatifI’mafewminuteslateortakealongerlunchhour?I’mstillthebestproducerintheplace!Themanagerkeepsbuggingme and I’m gone. And fast! That’swhat happened lastmonth. Now I’mworking for another store. But it won’t be long before this gets on mynerves.

TolookattheRutSyndromeandhowitmaybeafactorinyourlife,answer

thefollowingquestionsinyournotebook:

•WhatspecificrutsamIinrightnow?Lookinyourfinancial,career,personal,andsociallives,aswellasatyourphysicalwell-being.•WhatreasonsdoIuseforstayingthisway?•Whathasitcostmetomaintainthisrut?Whatisitcontinuingtocostme?

Lookfirstintheareaofmoney.Canyoucalculatethespecificcostofremainingintherut?Goontoareaslikemoney,time,dreams,well-being,andcreativity.

Takea fewdeepbreaths! Iknowthis isdifficult reading,but ifyou’reevencontemplating these questions, you’re doing a great deal to free up yourrelationshipwiththeenergyofmoney.

SYMPTOM#2:LIMITEDSATISFACTION:“I’MTOOTIRED/WORRIED/DISTRACTEDTOENJOYIT”

Drivenbehavior isparticularly joyless.Often there’s abitof themartyr in thewaywefeelcompelledtofilleverywakinghourwithanitemonourto-dolists.We run ourselves ragged, leaving no possibility for enjoyment or creativity tocomethroughandbringfreshnessandlifetoourroutines.Yetwedeclineoffersof support fromothers,becausewe tellourselveswe’re responsibleadultsandought to be able to handle everything ourselves. Besides, the other guy willscrewthingsup.Whenitcomestimetoenjoythefruitsofourlabors,we’retoonumb,distracted,andwornouttocare,muchlessbefullypresent.Ourmantrabecomes“Justgetme through this.”Ultimatelywefind that thesatisfaction indoingthingsiseitherfleetingornonexistent.

SYLVIA: I’m so glad my daughter’s wedding is finally over. I worriedabout the plans for the reception, even thoughwe hired someone to takecareofeverything.Iworriedaboutthemoney,eventhoughIknewweweregettingagoodprice from thecaterer.Andon theday itself, I justwaitedand watched for something to go wrong. I’m just not used to leavingsomeoneelseincharge.Iwasapoolofnervousexhaustionbytheendoftheday—eventhougheverythingwasfine.

FRED: I remember standing with my diploma in hand duringgraduation last summer. My parents and friends were in the audiencecheering, and there IwaswithmyB.A., ready to go on formy teachingcredential. I know I should have felt proud, but this question kept goingaroundinmyhead:Isthisallthereis?Ithought:“I’vegraduated.Sowhat!NowI’vegottobustmybutttogetthecredential.Thenit’sofftowork.Icouldn’tjuststopandappreciateanything.”

Return to your notebook and jot down the times you were too hurried,

worried, or distracted to enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done. Is yourpleasureshort-lived?Areyouusuallyfocusedonthenexttask?Doyouapproachcelebrations,vacations,orfamilyoutingswiththethought“Justletmemakeitthroughthis”?Asyouthinkabouttheseexperiences,bespecific.Recallnames,

dates,andplaces.

SYMPTOM#3:PERFECTIONISM—“JUSTONEMOREFINISHINGTOUCH…”

In theworld of driven behavior, there’s Superman/WonderWoman—and thenthere’s us. Superman/Wonder Woman set the standard we think we have toreach, and in our heart of hearts, we know we’re just not good enough tomeasureup.We’reafraidoftryingbecausewe’reworriedthatwe’reinferiororuntalented, or not as competent as we’d like to be. So we don’t completeprojects;wekeeponpolishingthem.Ifwedon’tfinish,noonecanjudgeus.Wecanalwayssay,“ButI’mnotfinishedyet!”Perfectionistsalmostneverfeelthatthey’vedoneanythingwellenough.They

don’tfeelthey’vedoneenoughtojustifyarest,orsomeacknowledgment.

JACLYN:Ididn’tentermyphotointhelocalcompetition.Ididn’tthinkitwasgoodenough.Myfriendsallencouragedmetodoit,butIwasn’t100percent satisfiedwith it. Lastweek I saw the photo that took first place.Mine was just as good. I’ve always wanted to be a professionalphotographer.ButwhatifI’mnotgoodenough?Besides,Ihearthere’snomoneyinit.

JORGE:Allright!IhavetwodaystodowhatIwant.Icouldfinishthecabinet I started sixmonths ago. It’s almost finished. Or the dollhouse Ipromisedmydaughterlastyear.Justneedsafinalpaintjob.AndI’vebeenmeaning to continue with that new accounting software. So many greatprojects,solittletime!

Considerthefollowingquestionsasyouwriteabouthowperfectionismshows

upinyourlife:

•Afteryoustartsomething,doyouquitjustbeforeitisalmostfinished?•Whenyouworkonaproject,doyouholdontoitevenwhenyouknowyou

havedoneallyoucan?•Isthereanunfinishedfinalreport,thesis,ordissertationthatstandsbetween

youandgettingthatdegreeorcertificationforwhichyouhavestudiedlongandhard?

•Doyoukeepputtingoffapromotioninterviewbecauseyouareworriedyouhavenotpreparedwellenough?

Wesootheorcongratulateourselvesbysayingthatwe’reperfectionists.Butitismostoftenaruse.Perfectionismisthejusttheinabilitytoarriveatclosure.Itmasqueradesasvirtue,butit’sreallymostoftenanexcusefornotproducingtheresult.Thinkaboutthisforamoment.Haveyoueverusedbeinga“perfectionist”as

thereasonfornotkeepingyourwordorfinishingaproject?Doyouseetheterm“perfectionism”asavirtueinsteadofanexcuse?Haveyoueverheardsomeoneuseittoexplainwhyheorshegotaprojectdoneearly?Whatever the causeofperfectionism, it keepsour energy tiedup in almost-

finishedprojects,neverallowingus toclaim the rewardsofcompletion—or tocomeintouchwiththeglowingenergyofsatisfaction.

DRIVEN,ORINTHEDRIVER’SSEAT?

Whenyouaredriven,yourthinkingcanborderonbeingobsessional,andyourbehavioronbeingcompulsive.Obsessionsarerecurringthoughtpatternsthatgetinthewayofdoingthingswithease,andthey’reenergysponges.Supposeyouworryabout finding the jobyouwant.Theworryby itself isnotanobsessionuntil it becomes almost the only thing you think or talk about. An obsessivethoughttakesupallyourenergy,anditdoesn’tnecessarilymotivateyoutosolvetheproblem.Infact,obsessivethoughtscanimmobilizeyou.Ortheycancompelyoutowardinappropriateactionsasyoutrytoalleviatetheanxietytheykeepinfrontofyou.Compulsionsarealittledifferentfromobsessiveworries.Theseareactsyou

must perform again and again to maintain some level of comfort or security,evenwhenthesebehaviorsthemselvesaretediousorpainful.Forexample,youmightinsist thatChristmasdinnerhastobepreparedaspecificway,yearafteryear,withoutanydeviations.Oryoumightfeelyoumusthavelargeamountsofcashorcarrycreditcardsinyourpurseorwallet,“justincase.”Youmighthavethe urge to go to the racetrack every week because you “just know” you aregoingtowinthistime.Obsessions and compulsions act like blinders on a horse. They keep your

attentionnarrowlyfocusedononefearyoumustavoid,oroneaspectoflifeyoumustcontrol.Youhavelittlechancetoenjoythepresentmomentasitunfolds.Sorting out these driven behaviors startswith telling the truth aboutwhat youthink youmust have in order to feel secure. “Must have” thoughts sound likethis:

•ButIreallydoneedanewcareverythreeyears.•Iworkhard.Ideservetoeatatthebestrestaurants.•Weknowthechildrenaregone,butwehavetokeepthisbighouse.Whatif

theywanttocomebackforavisitinafewyears?•Imusthavethatspeedboat.Idon’tcarewhatittakes.•IalwaysgotothelocalbartoblowoffsteamonFridays.

Onethingyouaresuretodiscoverwhenyoustartlookingatyour“musthave”

conversationsisanendlessstreamofinternalarguments,perfectlygoodreasons,rules,andstoriesforwhatyouneed.Allthiswillbeveryconvincing.

ADDICTIONS

Many experts say that parallels exist between driven and addictive behavior.Addictivebehavior,likedrivenbehavior,canbemeasuredbytheextenttowhichit interfereswithourlives,andleadsusfurtherfromourauthenticchoicesandgoals.Addiction may become intertwined with driven behavior this way. Driven

behavior overheats your mind. You can’t stop thinking about what you musthave,ordoingwhatyou feelyoumust to feel free fromanxietyordread.Forreliefyoumay“self-medicate”yourselfwithactivitiesorsubstancesthatdivertyou: eating, shopping,gambling,work, sex,drugs, alcohol.And soonenough,youmayneedtheseactivitiesorsubstances—becomingdependentonthem,thenaddicted.The addiction, in turn, interfereswith howyou function.You becomemore

stressed,andneedmoreoftheaddictivebehaviororsubstancetohandleit.Soonthe addictive spiral begins. The “medicine” that dulled your symptoms hasbecometheproblemratherthanthesolution.Thefirstsignofanaddictionisthatyougetwithdrawalsymptomswhenyou

try to stop using the substance or engaging in the behavior in question. Youundoubtedlyalreadyknowaboutthiswheredrugsoralcoholareconcerned.Butwhatabouttheemotionalwithdrawalreactionthatgoesalongwiththingshavingtodowithmoney?Asweventureintotheterritoryofcompulsion,considernotonlywhatyoudo

but also what happens when you try to stop one of these forms of drivenbehavior.

SPENDAHOLISM—OBEYINGTHECALLOFTHESIRENS

TheSirensweremythologicalwomenwithbeautifulandcompellingvoiceswholuredGreeksailorstodivefromtheirshipsontojaggedrocks.Aswedealwiththeenergyofmoney,our“Sirens”arethevoices, insideandout, thatenticeuswithvisionsofthingswe“musthave.”Wemaybeclearaboutourmaincourse—say, tosaveenoughforadownpaymentonahouse,or topayforourkids’college education—but the Sirens offer instant gratification, fun, freedom,soothing rewards for our hard work. And when we follow them, our bestintentionswindupontherocks.

CHRISTINA:Iwanderaroundshoppingmallsalot.Theirbrightlightsareespeciallygreat in thewinterwhen it gets foggyoutside. Inside themall,the color, glitter, andwonderful smells boostmymood. I can easilydrop$20onyogurtandassorted“knickknacks” in the first fifteenminutes I’mthere.AndIusuallystayacoupleofhours.

DENISE:My friends callme“Bookwoman.” I don’t spendmuchonclothesoreatingout.Butifyouputmeinabookstore,anybookstore,andletme loose for less than an hour, I’ll crawl to the cashier’s counter,myarmsfilledwithbooks. Iwant tohave themwithme inmyhome, just incaseIdohavethetime.

MARK:MywifeandIfightalotaboutmoney.ShesaysIspendtoomuchonmytoys,butI’moldenoughtodecidewhatIwant.Iworkhard.SowhatifthestuffsitsinboxesforweeksbeforeIunpackit.LastweekIboughtsomegreatsoftwareformyPC,whichIstillneedtoloadup.Theweekbefore, itwas a portableCDplayer.There’s a relaxationmachine Ibought sixmonths ago that I haven’t learned to use. I do have to admit,everytimeIseeoneofthoseslicknewcataloguesinthemail,IknowI’magoner.

When you are caught in this pattern of behavior, the thought of not having

whatyouwantat themomentyouwant itcanmakeyoufrustratedoranxious.You feel deprived and experiencemoments of sadness.Do you give in to theSpendaholicSirens?Checkonthisbyansweringthefollowingquestionsinyour

notebook.Tellthetruth.

•When Iget it inmymind that Iwant something, likenewclothes,books,toys,orcollectibles,doIusuallyfindsomewaytobuyit,eventhoughitmightgetmeinfinancialtrouble?•IfIdon’tgetwhatIwant,whenIwantit,doIfeelsad,angry,orbored?•Doesthethoughtofbeingonabudgetsendshiversdownmyspine?•HaveIcreatedabudget,onlytofailatfollowingit,overandoveragain?•DoIevergethomeanddiscoverthatIdon’treallywantwhatIhavebought,

yetnevertakeitback?•Whathasdoingitthiswaycostme?Lookfirstatmonetarycosts.Thenthink

aboutwhatthiskindofdrivenbehaviorcostsyouintime,relationships,physicalwell-being,andpeaceofmind.

BINGEINGANDPURGINGWITHMONEY

Youcanhavearelationshipwithmoneythatlookslikeafoodaddiction,withallthe highs of big spending and handling a lot of cash, followed by frighteninglows,whenevenpayingtherentisastruggle.Thedramaisintenseandnever-ending, and what’s missing is any sense of moderation. The people whoexperiencethefeast/faminecyclemostoftenareentrepreneurswhoseincomeiserratic, with fat times frequently followed by periods in which checks don’tcomeinandmoneyisscarce.

PHYLLIS:Asarealestateagent, it’seitherfeastorfamineforme.SomemonthsIdon’tbringhomeanythingandtheninonemonththreeescrowscloseandI’mflush. IknowIshouldputsomeawaysoI’llhaveasteadyincome.Butbythetimethemoneycomesin,I’msostarvedforthingsthatIbuy,buy,buy.Thenit’sbacktoastrictfinancialdietforawhile.

NED:Ihavemyselfonarigorousbudget.ForweeksIlivewithinit.I’mcareful to trackeverypennyIspend.Thensomethingwillcomeoverme.Last timeafriendcalledmeaboutarealestateventure,askingmetojoinhiminit.Withoutlearningmuchaboutthedetails,Irantothebankandwithdrew$10,000.Didn’teven tellmywifeuntil itwasadonedeal.Shewasfurious.AndmeanwhileI’msweatingit,hopingIdidn’tmakeastupidmove.Then,promisingmyselfI’llnevergetsuckedintosomethinglikethatagain,Igobacktothetightbudget.

Periods of abstinence with little or no spending, followed by intervals of

intense spending, create a kind of emotional rush.You feel as thoughyou arelivingon theedge.This, toput itmildly,doesnotpromotestability.While thelifestyle can be exciting, it diverts you from pursuing goals that have realmeaningandsubstance.Asyou answer the followingquestions, be truthfulwith yourself.Whichof

theseobstaclesareonyourhero’spath?

•DoIsecretlythinkthathavingapredictablerelationshipwithmoneywouldbeboring?

•WhenIhaveclosedadeal,doIcounton themoneyasasure thing,evenbeforeIreceiveacheck?• Do I get a thrill at receiving an enormous amount of money after a

particularlyleantime?• Do I create that thrill by waiting until my accounts receivable are large

beforeItrytocollectonthem?•DoIbelievethatmoneyinaccountsreceivableismoneyinthebank?(Did

youknowthatthemoretheseaccountsage,thelesslikelyyouwillbetocollectonthem?)•HowlonghasitbeensinceIkeptmywordtomyselforsomeoneelseabout

attaining long-term financial goals?Howoften has it been because ofmy up-and-downrelationshipwithmoney?•Whathasitcostmetodothingsthisway?

GAMBLING:GETTINGHIGHONRISK

It’sexcitingtobeattheodds.Somethingfornothingisthewayweliketoseeit,or a lot of thrill for a small investment. Casual gambling can be fun, and forsome people it’s a pastime with minimal energy costs. But when it becomesdrivenbehavior,andtingedwiththequalitiesofaddiction,itcanbeverycostly.Veterangamblersreportasortofecstasywhentheywin,buttheyalsosaythat

thebiggest rushcomesafterwinningwhen theyhavebeen losing for awhile.Whichbringsustoaquestion:Whataretheyplayingfor—thebigwinorthebigloss?

WILL: I live close to Lake Tahoe. Onweekends I like to go and playblackjack.IgetthereonFridaynightandIdon’tmovefromthetablesuntilSaturdayevening.EverythinggoesokayuntilIstartlosing.Igetdesperate,andI’lldoanythingtogetmoremoneytokeepplaying.LasttimeImaxedoutmycreditcardandcamehome$2,500inthehole.IkeeptellingmyselfthisisthelasttimeI’llgouptherewithcreditcards.ButIalwaysmanagetoforgettotakethemoutofmywalletbeforeIleave.

JULIE:Wehaveanewkindoflotteryinourstate.It’slikekeno,whereyousitattables,picknumbers,andwaitforthemtocomeuponthescreen.I’velost$500sofar.EverytimeIgointotheliquorstoreandseethescreenflashingnumbers,I’mhookedforatleastanhour.

Gamblingisfascinatinginthewayitstripsmoneyofitsintrinsicvalue.When

youareatthetable,$600inthehole,yourarelystopandthinkaboutwhatyoucoulddowiththesameamountofreadycash.Aswith everything else in this chapter, the only thingyouneed to do right

nowislook.Askyourself:IswhatIamdoingfocusingmyenergyonattainingthelifegoalsthatreallymeansomethingtome,orisitgettingintheway?Isitpossible that you have been shooting yourself in the foot? Write down youranswerstothefollowingquestions:

•DoIknoworsuspectthatIhavewastedtimeandmoneytryingtobeattheodds in life? Look at high-risk investments, lotteries, gaming, consistent

wageringatofficejackpots,etc.•Aremyfriends,family,orco-workersconcernedaboutmygambling?Hasa

lovedoneopenlycomplainedtomeaboutit?• If Iwere to add up all themoney I’ve lost in gambling over the past ten

years,whatistheestimatedfigure?

Ifyou’rewilling,pleasesharetheseanswerswithatleastonepersonyoutrust.Have it be someone whose fortunes are not tied to yours, so they can be anobjectivelistener.

INFORMATIONADDICTION

Neverbeforehavewehadthekindofaccess to informationwehavetoday.Inourwiredhomesandoffices,wecanplugin,anytimeofthedayornight,andshop,chat, checkour stocks,or researchanyconceivable topic.Wegetpulledinto the ’Net, caught in theWeb, andmany of us are vulnerable to a kind ofaddiction that was almost unheard of only fifteen years ago: addiction toinformation.

JEFF:Icaneasilyspendeighthourseverydayatthecomputer.Ilogontothe ’Net, find a chat room,or go in searchof greatWebpages. I love toshoponthe’Net,too.I’vegotagoodmodem,butitstillisn’tfastenough.I’m thinking about getting one of those ISDN lines, dedicated to myInternetconnection.It’sexpensive,butwhatthehell?Iworkhard.Ideserveit.Mywifegetsupsetbecauseshedoesn’tseeenoughofme.

IsWebsurfing, ’Net-shopping,e-mailing,andchat-roomtimefocusingyour

time and money energy, or have you started to use it compulsively oraddictively?Askyourself:

• Does my recreation time with computer software, including games, theInternet, and information-managing programs, exceed two hours daily? If yes,doIseewherethisinterfereswithmyrelationships,goals,health,andpeaceofmind? For example, are my loved ones complaining that I spend morerecreationaltimewithmycomputerthanIdowiththem?• Can I “lose”myself at the computer, without noticing that I need to eat,

sleep,orattendtobiologicalneeds?•CanIimaginewhatIwoulddowithmytimeandmoneyifIdidnotspend

somuchofeitheronmyPC?

WORKAHOLISM

Takecontrol!Getoffyourbutt!Youcanhaveitall!Whenthegoinggetstough,thetoughgetgoing!Can you feel the adrenaline pumping yet? Americans spend hundreds of

millionsofdollarseveryyeartobeproddedwithmessageslikethese,urgingusto work harder. In moderation these sentiments are useful, but they’re likepsychoactive drugs to those of us who are addicted to work. And there aremillionsofworkaholics inourmidst.Putting in longhours is integral tomostcorporate and institutional cultures—and if you happen to be a small-businessowner, salesperson, or tradesperson, this behavior is not only condoned butrequired.Workaholism,thoughitappearstobeasurewayoffocusingourselvesto get moremoney, sets in motion a cycle that ultimately saps the energy ofmoney,aswellasalltheotherformsofenergyinourlives.Canyougoanywherewithoutyourpager,cellphone,dayplanner,briefcase?

Areyoualwaysaccessibletoyouroffice,yourclients,youremployees?Doyourememberwhat it’s like to spend uninterrupted timewith your loved ones, oralone—just doing nothing? (Gasp! Please breathe here!) Do you repeatedlycanceldateswithfriendsbecauseofworkemergenciesordeadlines?The competitive climatewe live in puts a high value on themotivated go-

getter,anditrewardsuswithrespect,pay,andperksforour24-7commitment.Butwhat’slostinthefrantic,urgentshuffleisasenseofwhoweare.Wecan’tstopandrestlongenoughtoremember.Interestingly, a study of peak performers several years ago found that no

matterwhattheirfield,theyshareasingledistinguishingcharacteristicthatsetsthem apart from everyone else: Peak performers take time for complete resteveryday.Rest. The taboo, four-letter word for workaholics. Yet the peak performers

who never failed to find time for it included John F. Kennedy, WinstonChurchill,AlbertEinstein,andThomasEdison,allofwhomtypicallytooknapseveryday,ifonlyfortwentytothirtyminutes.Restandplayarenotthesamething.Wetendtogetthemconfused.

PAUL:IworkhardandIplayhard.That’smyrestandrelaxation.IfIsitstilltoolong,Igetantsy.

Restmeanslettingyourbodyandmindslowdownandbecomereplenished.

Thereisnosuchthingasrestinghard.Areyoupouringenergyintowork,attheexpenseofthedreamsatyourcore?

Takeoutyournotebookandanswerthefollowingquestions:

•IfIweretogivemyselftimetorest,wouldIfeelguiltyoredgybecauseI’dbethinkingaboutallthethingsIneedtodo?•WhatwouldIdowithmyselfifIdidn’tworksomuch?•WhoamIundertheflurryofalltheactivityinmylife?

TELLTALESIGNS

Workaholism isn’t aboutworking diligently. It’s really aboutworkingwithoutrestandallowingworktointerferewithotherareasofyourlife,suchasintimaterelationships,creativity,leisuretime,andphysicalwell-being.Ifyou’reaworkaholic,youmaypursuemoremoneyandmoregoalstheway

anaddictgoesafter“speed.”Youcanusegoalstoprodyourselfintoaction,nomatterhowtiredyouare,andprideyourselfonyourabilitytodoitall.Alltheelementsofdrivenbehaviorcomeintoplayhere.Yourepetitivelytakeonwork,even if it’s wearing you out. You set ever-escalating standards, allowingperfectionism to rob you of satisfaction. The joys of themoment are lost, foryears,inthequestfortheelusivegoal.AuthenticActionconnectsyouwithyourdeepestselfandwithjoy.Itdoesn’t

put your “real life” on hold; it feeds you now. Addictive goals, however, arequite different. They pull all your energy into feeding the addiction tomovement,adrenaline,busy-ness.Jim, a very bright office-equipment salesman, came to theYou andMoney

Coursewith the goal of retiring by the time hewas forty-five.Hewas thirty-eightandworkingveryhard.Ourdialoguewentsomethinglikethis:

JIM:IfigureifIcansaveupenoughmoney,I’llbeabletoretire.

ME:Whatdoesretirementlookliketoyou?

JIM:I’llbeabletoworkatsomethingIlove.I’llrest.I’llhavefun.I’llseemoreofmyfriendsandfamily.

ME:Whatifyoucouldworkatsomethingyoulove,gettherestyouneed, and enjoy yourself right now? Would you still want to resign orretire?

JIM:No, then I could start doingwhat Iwantwithmy family andfriendsinsteadofwaitinganothersevenyears.MaybeifIhavefun,Iwon’twant toretire.MaybeI’llstayat this joborquit itandgobacktoschool.Cometothinkofit,Icouldgobacktoschoolrightnow.Oh,oh!(laughter)Thisisgettingtooeasy!

Jim’ssolutionmayseemobvious.Butwhenyou’recaughtupinworkingtoo

hard,it’seasytomissthelogicalflawinyourthinking.Errorslikethisareoftentheproductofadriven,overheatedmind.If any of this sounds even slightly familiar to you, take heart. Your

opportunityhereistowakeuptowhatyouaredoing.Askyourselfthefollowingquestions. Let your mind get quiet and listen, really listen.Write down yourdiscoveriesinyournotebook.Shareyouranswerswithafriendorlovedoneasawayofbringingallthisintoyourconsciousness.

•WhatwouldIfindinsideifIsloweddownmyfranticworkpaceforseveralhours?•WhoamIwhenI’mnotworking?

These questions may lead to important answers. The last one, about youridentityapartfromyour job,canbeespeciallyrevealing.Aworkaholicfinds itdifficult to develop a personal identity away from thework he or she does. Ioftenwonderwhatitwouldbelikenowadaystogotoapartyandnottalkaboutwhatwedoforaliving.Whatifweweretointroduceourselvesbytalkingaboutourdreams,favoritecharities,inspiringbookswehaveread,qualitiesweadmireinpeople,orplaceswewanttovisit?Itmightbeawkwardatfirst,butitwouldmoveusbeyondourall-consumingidentificationwithourjobs.

DOYOUHEARYOURSELFINTHESEVOICES?

I’dlikeyoutolistentothewordsofsomepeoplewho’veletworkconsumetheirenergyandpush themoff thepath that leads to fulfillment.Asyou read theseanecdotes,substituteyourownprofessionorotherdetailsfromyourlifeforthedetails in their stories.Don’t let thedifferencesbetween their stories andyourown stopyou from looking at the underlying themes that have takenover toomuchofyourlife.Onlythencanyouseewhereyourenergiesaregoing.

LAURA (public relations officer): I’ve got a beautiful time-share at thelake that Ihaven’tbeen inside inyears. Igive the timeslot to friends fortheirvacations.Lastweek I finallydecided to take twoweeksoffandgotheremyself.Butthere’sabigpublicitypartyforourtopclientsduringoneof theweekends I’ll be gone.Everyonewill be there.What if somethinggoeswrong?Whydoes thishave tohappen, just as Iwas trying tobreakfreeforawhile!

Whenyouareaddicted toyourwork,work-related issuesalways threaten to

interruptyourplansforrestorrecreation.Youfindcompelling,evenirrefutable,reasonstokeepworking.Oryoubringthetrappingsofworkwithyouwhereveryougo.Attheveryleast,youfeelpulledbylast-minutecrisesthatcomeupandbegforyourattention.Andyouconvinceyourselfthatyouaretheonlyonewhocanhandlethem.Do you consistently leave for vacations absolutely exhausted because you

havebeenworkingsohardtotieuplooseendsattheofficebeforeyougo?Doesthe thought of leaving your work behind make you feel uncomfortable oranxious?Thosearetwotellingsymptomsofworkaholism.

STEVE(buildingcontractor):Twoyearsagomywifeleftmeformybestfriend.Iwentintoatailspin.Iwasmad,allright.Butthentherealtruthhitme.Idroveheraway.I’dbeenworkingfourteen-hourdays,sixdaysaweektobuildthisbusiness.ItoldmyselfIwasdoingitforher,andthatwe’dironoutourdifficulties laterwhen I’dmade somebigbucks.Threeyears agoshe asked thatwe go to amarriage counselor. I said no because I didn’thavethetime.Sosheleft.Ihaven’tbeenseeingotherwomen.ButI’vesure

beenworkinghard.Sometimes,whenbusinessisslow,Iworryaboutwhattodowithmyfreetime.

Steve’s last sentence is a real giveaway. It reveals his workaholism. The

followingquestionexpressesitbest:

•IfIhadsomefreetime,wouldIknowwhattodowithitormyself?

Freetimeisachallengeforworkaholics.Andoftentheykeepthemselvessobusytheyneverhavetothinkaboutanythingbutoneofthemanytasksathand.Butfacingthecompulsion,andtellingthetruthaboutit,leadstowisdom—andawayout.

Exercise:AmIorAmINotaBusyholic?Bynowyou’vedonealotofworktoidentifyyourdrivenbehavior,butbeforewe leave this topic behind I’d like you to take one final look at what I call“busyholism.”BusyholismisthetermIusefortheneedtokeepbusy,whetherathomeoratwork.Thisinventorycapsoffourlookatdrivenbehavior.Isuggestthatyougoabitmoreslowlythanusualwithit.Becarefulnottoskipoveritemsyoufinduncomfortable.Ifyoucan,talkabouttheseitemsinagroup.Eachpersoncanspeakaboutthe

issues that most concern him or her. A supportive atmosphere gives youbreathingroomtoacknowledgepubliclywhatyoumightdismissprivately.Youwillneedapenorpencil, andyournotebook to recordyour responses.

Thisexercisewill takeaboutfortyminutes—twentyminutesforthisinventory,plusdiscussiontime.Each item below is presented as a statement.Write it down.Next, indicate

howtruethestatementisforyou.Useascalefrom1to5,withthesevalues:Thenumber1means“nottrue”;2means“somewhatuntrue”;3means“don’tknow”;4means“somewhattrue”;and5means“true.”Thereisnoscoretoaddupattheend.Thescaleistheretomakeiteasytodiscernwhetherornotthisitemrelatestoyou.Afterratingeachitem,takeafewmomentstowriteaboutwhatyouthought,

especially if an item rated “true” for you. For example, do you recall the lasttimethishappened?Whowasthere?Whatdidyoudo?Whatdoesitcostyoutodothingsthisway,intermsofmoney,time,love,andhealth?

BUSYHOLISMINVENTORY

1.Iamtiredmostofthetime.2.Ialwaysseemtobeinmotion.3.Mostofthepeopleinmylife(spouse,friends,family)don’tappreciateallI

havetodo.4.IgetveryfrustratedifIcannotfinishataskorifI’minterruptedandIhave

toputitoffuntillater.5.OnSunday (ormydayoff) Ihavea listof things Imustdobefore Ican

playorrest.Irarelygettotheplayandrestpart.6.IoftenfeelisolatedfromthoseIlove.7.BythetimeIdosomethingIlike,Iamtootiredtoreallyenjoyit.8.IfeelguiltywhenIamrestingorjusttakingiteasy.9. When I am doing something (such as watching a son or daughter play

soccer), I oftenmiss out on the fun because I am too preoccupiedwithwhatneedstobedonenext.10.Iusesubstancessuchascaffeineorsugartoprodmyselfintoactionduring

theday,andturntoalcohol,marijuana,orotherdrugs(prescriptionorover-the-counter)torelaxintheevening.11.IfeelresentfulbecauseIamnotdoingthethingsIreallywanttodo.12.IfeelthatIhavemoreresponsibilitiesthanmostofmyfamilyorfriends.13.Iusuallydothingsinahurry,likegulpmyfoodorthrowonclothes.14. I forget to take care ofmyself (do not eat, drinkwater, or use the rest

room)forlongperiodsoftime.15.Myfriendsandfamilytellmetheyarenotseeingenoughofme.Or,when

Iamwiththem,theytellmeIseemwithdrawnoremotionallyremoved.There isnocumulativescore for this inventory. Itdoesn’tmatter ifyourate

yourself at 5 on one or all of them. What matters is the self-awareness thatcomesoutoftheprocess.Whenwestartlookingatourownbusyholism,mostofuswillcomeface-to-

facewithaveryactiveMonkeyMind.Byitsverynature,the“innerbusyholic”doesnotwant tobeexposed,andMonkeyMindwants toprotect itself.You’llhearitdoingeverythinginitspowertoconvinceyouthatallthisbusy-nessandworkthatfillsyourlifeisabsolutelyjustified.Butifyouarewilling,youcanseewhatyou’rereallydoing.You’llbegintocravebreathingroom.

SEEINGTHELESSON

Is there even a slim possibility that you are a busyholic?Or that youmay beleaninginthatdirection?Ifyoustilldonotknowforcertain,thereisonesurefirewaytofindout. It requirescourage,but ifyoudo ityou’lldefinitelygetmorethanyourmoney’sworthoutof thisbook.Askyour familyandfriends.Don’tturn to the peoplewhoworkwith you, because theymaybe caught up in thesame system that you are.Or theymay have a vested interest in your stayingbusy. For the most trustworthy answers, ask those who know and love yououtsideofwork.Andbepreparedtolook,see,andtellthetruth!Ifyou reallywant toget ahandleonyourdrivenbehavior andbusyholism,

give thepeoplearoundyoupermission tocallyouon it,and to remindyouofwhoyouareandwhatyou’reuptoinlife.It’sveryimportantforyoutohavecompassionforyourselfasyoulookatthe

lessons in thisand thenextchapters. I’veworkedwith thousandsofpeopleastheyfacedboththeirowndrivenbehaviorandtheirprivateversionsofscarcity.Perhaps the greatest reward is this:As youproceed on your hero’s journey,

you will open yourself to being less driven and more called by joys in thepresentmoment.You’llfreeupyourmoney,yourtime,andyourheartforyourdeepestdreams.

PRINCIPLE5

In the last chapterwe saw that fear is theengine thatpowersdrivenbehavior,andsometimesevenaddiction.Inthischapterwewilladdressoneofourgreatestfears,especiallywheremoneyisconcerned—scarcity.

WHATISSCARCITY?

DorothyParkerisquotedassaying,“I’vebeenrichandI’vebeenpoor,andrichisbetter.”Isn’tthatjustthethoughtweallhaveatsomepointinourlives?Beingpoor,broke,bankrupt,ordestituteisthefearweoftenhaveasweenter

thenextstretchofthehero’sjourney.Someofusrefertoitas“ScareCity,”andthemostdiscouragedofusknowitas“ScarCity.”Forallonthispath,it’sthegroundonwhichwemuststoprunningandtakeastand.Scarcity isoneofourdeepest fears. It is themind’sexperienceof the limits

that are a natural part of physical reality. No matter how enlightened orconscious—orrich—wemaybe,weencounterscarcity,naturallyandrepeatedly,everyday.

LIMITSAREPARTOFPHYSICALREALITY

Let’stakeapartthedefinitionyoujustsaw:“Limit”isaboundarythatdefinesanobject.Thisiswhatallowsittoexistinphysicalreality.Pickupapenorpencilandgetthefeelofitinyourhand.Nowimagineitgettingbigger,itsboundariesstretching ten feet in every direction. Continue to expand the boundaries,pretendingthattheyextendforathousandmiles.Takeawayalllimitsandlettheobject’sedgesmoveout toward infinity.Whathappensas theobjectgrows?Ifyou’re likemanypeople,you’llnotice thatasyou try tosee it inyourmind itdisappears.Itbecomeseverything,andnothing,atthesametime.The infinite pencil may be a great idea, but it’s hard to wrap your hand

around.Takingawayitslimitstakesawayitsusefulness.Beyond the three-dimensional limits of the physical plane, we also work

within the limits of time, our life spans, and the cycle of birth and death thatgoverns the existence of everything in physical reality.Rocks, people, oceans,and flowers: all are born, exist, and then disappear. Limits give rise toimpermanence.None of this is shocking information, and it’s not particularly tinged with

emotion.Limitsareafactofourlives.Itcouldbesaidthatoneofthepurposesof our lives is to learn how to be masterful with what we have—our limitedamountsoftimeandenergy—andtolearntoappreciateandrespondwelltothelimitsinourlives.Thatcalm,cerebralinterpretation,whiletrue,isdivorcedfromthesecondhalf

of our definition. When we’re talking about scarcity we’re not talking aboutlimits,precisely.We’re talkingabouthowthemindexperiences them.And thetruthis,themindgoesnutswheneveritcomesupagainstalimit—asitdoesinnearlyeverywakingmomentofourlives.Trythisexperiment:Takeadeepbreath,andholditin.Keepholdingit—and

holding it—as longasyoucan, andpayattention towhat’shappening inyourbodyandmind.Doyounoticethelimitofoxygen?Howdoesitfeel?(Okay,youcanexhalenow.)Thefeelingsofstress,distress,andevenpanicthatariseasweencounteralimitarepartofscarcity.ThatfearprovokesMonkeyMind,whichthentellsus:“Oh,God!Idon’thaveenough,”oreven“Idon’thaveenough,I’llneverhaveenough,andI’mgoingtosufferordie.”Put the word “limit” next to the word “money” and you can just feel the

scarcity triggersbegin to trip.Mostofusbegin to runwhen this happens, andmanyofusfeeldriventofendofftheimposingdragonofscarcity.We’lllookathowtoface—andlearnfrom—thatdragon.Rememberthatifyouarewillingtolearnfromyourdragons,youtransformthemintoallies.Butyoumustfirstasktoseethelessonstheybring.Wekeepourselvesmovingsoweneverhavetostopandlook,reallylook,at

thequestionI’mgoingtoaskyounow:Whatdoyouhatemostabout thethoughtofnothavingmoneyinyourlife?

Whatisthenightmarescenariothatkeepsyouawakewhenyouthinkaboutnothavingenoughofthatenergy?Thesearenotintellectualquestions.Thetrueanswerscomefromthegut,and

ittakesgutstofindthem.Butifyouarewillingtostripawayanytheoriesyouhaveabouthowyouexperiencescarcity,andifyouallowyourselftofeelitandlookatitandtellthetruthaboutit,youwilltakeitsfearsomepoweraway.Scarcityisarealityinthephysicaldomain.Asaministerfriendofmineonce

told me, “It’s as though we got bored living without limits. We decided toincarnate—whichmeans, literally, to turn intomeat.We further chose toworkwiththelimitsofform,time,andfiniteenergy.Thiswastoseehowmuchofthedivinewecouldbringintothemundanebeforeitwastimeforustoleave.”We reach the infinite through living fully in the finite. The infinite is not

reachedbytryingtoignorelimits,asmanyofustrytodo.

ISTHEMONKEYSCREAMINGYET?

MonkeyMindhates limitsbecause itsprimaryconcern is survival. Itwants toliveforever,anditwantssafetyandcomfort,sowhenitencountersthefearthattime’srunningout,orthatthebankaccountisdwindling,itwilldoanythingtokeepthatfearfromgettingcloseenoughtolookat.

WARREN:The last thing Iwant anyone to know is howmuchmoney Idon’thave.Ihavethisinternalmonitorthattellsmejusthowmuchtospendto keepmyself broke. I can’t hold on tomymoney. I know something’swrongwithme.SomenightsIworryalotaboutgrowingoldandpoor.

Warren’s predicament is common. On the one hand, he fears not having

enough money. On the other, he hates the idea of facing that fear and doingsomethingaboutit.HeracespastScarcitywithhiscreditcardsoutandspendingeverythinghehas,whichresultsinkeepinghimselfpoor.Thismakesnosenseatall.Yetithappensagainandagaininourlives.Wespendbravelyandputupagreatfront.Wetakeotheractionsthatdrawtoustheverythingwemostabhor.Onourcircuitousroutetoavoidthedragon,weendupatitsdoor!AnothertimeMonkeyMindcomesupagainstlimitsiswhenpeoplechooseto

liveonafixedorreducedincome.Jeannettehaddecidedthatshewasn’twillingtokeepclimbingthecorporateladderandwantedtosimplifyherlife.ShewasusingtheYouandMoneyCoursetoeasehertransitionintonolongerspendinglots of money. She reported that she had panic attacks, and dreams aboutcatastrophesthatwouldoccurifshedidn’tkeepearningmoremoneyeveryyear.Shedidn’tseehowshecoulddowithoutalltheluxuriesthatshehadenjoyed.When she looked, she saw that thiswhole conversationwasMonkeyMind.

Firstofall,whenshemadealistofalltheluxuries,shefoundthatthereweren’tactually thatmanyof themandthatmostof themwereconvenienceitemslikehiring a grocery shopping and housecleaning service—things she now wouldhavethetimetodoherself.Herinternaldialoguewastryingtoconvinceherthatshe was about to go down the tubes because Monkey Mind abhorred thepossibilityofalimit.Itsmantrais“More,givememore!”Butinfact,Jeannettefoundedherownsmallconsultingfirmanddidverywellwithlimits.Jeannette’ssituationanswersthequestion,“Ifsimplicitysoundssogreat,why

don’tmoreofusdoit?”Theansweristhatbeforewecanappreciatesimplicity,we first have to dealwith theMonkeyMind that stands at the gate and says,“Thisisgoingtobeterrible.Yoursurvivalisatstake.”MonkeyMind has a siege mentality. It tells us something almost all of us

believe:Amassingmorewill solve the problem and slay the scarcitymonster.Ironically,though,it’sjustnottrue.Ifyoutrytostaveoffscarcitybyamassingmore—moreobjects,moremoney,evenmorespiritualpractices—theexperienceofscarcitygrowsbigger.Peoplehaveallkindsofthoughtswhentheyfirsthearthis:

• Sure, sure. Just let me win the lottery and I’ll show you how to handlescarcity!•Iabsolutelyknowthathavingmoremoneywouldgetmeoutofthisfunk.•Herewegowith themetaphysical double-talk.Let’s get real!Theway to

solvemoneyproblemsiswithmoney!

As much as we try to use the energy of money as a bulwark against ouranxiety,however,wecan’tsucceed.Thepurposeofmoneyenergy isn’t toaddjet fuel to our flight fromwhat deeply frightens us; it’s to take us toward ourdreams. Try as we may, we can’t get money alone to allay the fear that’swrapped up in the questionWhat if I lost everything? Still, we persist, withresultslikethis:

ESTHER:WhenIwasastudentonscholarship,Ilivedon$500amonth.Iremember saying tomyself: “All Ineed is another$100amonthand I’llhaveitmade.”Sureenough,Igotapart-timejobandstartedpullinginanextra$120amonth.Threemonthslateritwasthesamething:IfIjusthadanother$75amonth!Icouldtakemyselfouttothemoviesandbuysomeextras.ThenIgotmyfirstfull-timejobfor$2,500amonth.Itwasheavenforaboutsixmonths.Theoldvoicecamerightback:“Justgiveme$500amonthmore,andI’llbeoneasystreet.”Thatwassixyearsago.Today,withmyMBA,I’mearning$6000amonth,andIstillwishIhadmoremoney.What’sweirdaboutthisisthatIammoreindebtnowthanIwasfiveyearsago,andIworryaboutmoneyasmuchnowaswhenIwasinschool.

Esther’sstoryisnotjustacaseofpoormoneymanagement.Itisareflection

ofscarcityunconfronted.TheMonkeyMindthatchants“more,more,more”is

neversatisfied.Irememberreadinganoddstoryaboutamanwhoownedacigarstoreinmytown.Helivedfrugally,andfromthewayhedressed,peoplethoughthewasbarelygettingby.Butwhenhedied,relativeswhocametocleanuphisapartmentfound$200,000incashunderhismattress.Howmuchwas “enough” for him?Howmuchwould have allowed him to

spendsomeofthatmoneyonhimself?HowmuchwouldhavequietedtheroarofScarcity?Theexperienceofscarcityisaconditionoflife.Andoneofthepropertiesofa

conditionoflifeisthatwhenitgoesunconfronted,andwetrytoputmorethingsinbetweenusandtheexperienceofthatcondition,itonlymakesthatconditionbigger.Bydoingtheworkhere,youmaygenuinelydiscovercontentmentwithwhat

you have. You could begin to enjoy the abundance you sought for so long.Perhaps you’ll see that you could be happier making less money than youpresentlydo.Oryoumayfindthatyou’rewillingtohavemoremoneyandareuptothechallengeofusingitsenergywisely.Thepointis,thesealternativesarepossibleonlywhenyou’rewillingtofaceandlearnyourpersonallessonsaboutscarcity.Thenyou’rereallyfreetohavewhatyouwantinlife.When Esther saw how scarcity influenced her relationship with money, a

subtleshiftoccurred.Oneyear latersheboughther firsthome,beganworkingwith a certified financial planner, andwas savingmoney rather than incurringmoredebt.Moreimportantforheristhatshefeltrelief,andlifewaseasier.Shewasn’trunningfromherdreadoflimits.The span of our lifetime is limited. Our money is limited. Our physical

staminaislimited.Andnoamountofwork,orprayer,orfranticactivity,orcashunderthemattress,cankeepthatfactofphysicalrealityfromprickingusawakeeverytimewetakeabreathorseeanewwrinkleinthemirror.

YOUCAN’TAFFIRMAWAYSCARCITY

We’re not used to talking about limits, or about our intense discomfort withthem.Infact,onetrickMonkeyMindusestoavoidlookingatscarcityistotellus,“IfIdon’tthinkaboutit,maybeitwon’texist.”Alotofustakethatastepfurtherandbelievethatwepoisonourchancesofexperiencingprosperityifwespend any time at all with “negative thinking”—such as acknowledging ourworries about not having enough of what we want or need. If we affirm thepositive,wefigure,wecansomehowfoolrealityintogoingalong.Irememberthinking,“MaybeifIwakeupeverymorningandsaytomyself,

‘Ihaveenoughmoney.Ihaveenoughmoney,’it’llbetrue.”Buttherealtruthis,affirmations like that don’t work. According to Shakti Gawain, who wroteCreativeVisualization,affirmationsworkbestwhenyouusethemtoaffirmthetruth about yourself. I have found they fail miserably when you use them tosuppressnegative thoughtsor feelings. In theYouandMoneyCourse,wecallthatsugary,“let’spretendeverything’sfine”varietyofpositivethinking“candy-coatingthecowpie.”Thescenariogoeslikethis:Let’ssaythatyoucomeuponacowpieinthemiddleoftheroad—something

you don’twant to feel.You need to dealwith it somehow—it stinks, and it’sattractingflies—soyoucarefullypickitupandsurrounditwithcandycoating.You really pour on the candy coating of positive thinking: “Scarcity doesn’texist. I havemy greatest good always. I have everything I need.” Every timeyour unwanted feeling of scarcity pops up, you pour on a little more of thatcoating. The problem is, though, that you haven’t gotten rid of the cow pie.You’vejustcovereditup,anditkeepsfermenting.Youcansmellit.Soyoukeeppouring on more and more candy coating. And try as you might, you can’tescape the unpleasant, permeating odor of your doubts and other negativethoughts. It’s not a pretty picture, but it gets to the heart of the problemwithwishful-thinkingaffirmations.Yet everywhere we turn, people are assuring us that positive thinking will

makeeverythingallbetter:

HAROLD: I’ve gone to a number of prosperity workshops. I have beentoldthatifIholdtherightthoughtsmyoutwardrealitywillbegintoreflectmynewthinking.Butnothing’schangedinmylifeoverthepastyear.Istill

don’t have the job I want. I’m even further in debt. Maybe there’s stillsomethingwrongwithmeormywayoflookingatthings.

PAUL:Ijustjoinedanetworkmarketingsystemtomakemoremoneyontheside.I’veseenvideotapesofpeoplewhoaresuccessfulatit.They’resitting on the beach in Hawaii or in their beautiful homes, tellingme tothinkpositivelyandexpect thebest.Theysay it’s important toworkhardand have a “winning attitude.” But how can I have a “winning attitude”whenIgetsoanxiousaboutmyfinances?Itrynottoworry,butitdoesn’twork.

Harold and Paul are trying to use positive thoughts to avoid their honest

reactionstoscarcity.They’retryingtocontrol thoughtsandfeelingstheydon’tevenwanttolookat.Butthoughtsandfeelingsneedanoutlet,andiftheydon’tget it, theyfesterandundermineourentireoutlookontheworld.Theeffort tomakethemdisappearwithpositiveaffirmationsisasfutileastryingtokeepthewavesfromlappingagainsttheshoreofalake.You’reprobably familiarwithwhat happenswhenyou actively try to avoid

thinking about something. For the next ten seconds, do not think about asumptuoushot-fudgesundae.Donotthinkabouttherichchocolatetopping,thecool,sweettasteoftheicecream,thesmoothwhippedcream,andthechoppednuts.If you’re likemost of us, yourmind probably responded to that attempt by

sayingsomethinglikethis:Okay,I’llstopthinkingaboutahot-fudgesundaewithwhippedcream.Thisis

easy. I don’t care about hot-fudge sundaes at all.As amatter of fact, I’ll justmeditate.Andofcourse, the last thing I’llbe thinkingabout then ishot fudgeandicecreamandnuts.Nobigdeal.See?Ijustputthatsundaerightoutofmymind.Clearlyourmindsaredrawntotheverythingswetellthemtoavoid.Soisit

possible tocoveroveryournegative thoughts?That’sverymuchlike trying tocontrol thewavesona lake.Youcando it,butyouhave to freeze the lakeordrainitfirst.Andyoucancontrolthethoughtsyoudon’twant—ifyou’rewillingtofreezeoverhugeareasofyourlifeexperience.Whenyoufreezeoutthepain,however,youalsonumbthejoy,andyourenthusiasmforlife.

LET’SGETREAL

Ittakesincredibleamountsofenergytosuppressyourthoughts,andthatenergywouldbemuchbetterspentinpursuingyourdreams.We’veallmetpeoplewhomaintainthateverythingis“fine,justfine”—nomatterwhat.Andinevitablywegetthesensethattheirbright-eyedsmilesandfirmhandshakesaren’treal.Theyseemtobeoutgoingandcheerfulandfullofenergy,butconnectingwiththemisnearly impossible, because we can’t get past the happy-happy facade. Thatsmilingplasticexteriorbecomesahugebarrier.Aminister friendofmine tellsthisstory:

FLOYD:InthepastIrefusedtoacknowledgetomyselfthatIhadnegativethoughts about other people. For years I insisted that I had onlypositivethoughts.AbouttwoyearsagoIfoundmyselfgettingincrediblyirritatedbysomeofthepeoplepassinginfrontofmeafterSundayservice.Youknow,theoneswhotakeasingle$1billandcrumpleitintoatinyballandthrowitintothecollectionsplateasthoughthechurchcouldjustrunonair.Itriednot to think bad thoughts. After all, they’re God’s children. But after awhileIjustcouldn’thelpit.AndIhatedmyselfforit.I’djudgethemandcondemnmyselffordoingthat,andthecyclewentonandon.Atthesametime,my Sunday contributions began to go way down. I talked to someparishionersIknewwell,andtheconsistentfeedbackIgotwasthatIdidn’tseemlikearealhumanbeinganymore.WhenI thoughtabout it, I realized thatmyjudgmentsabout thepeople

whodon’tdonatealottothechurchweremyownpersonalexperiencewithscarcity. I decided to face my own negative thoughts. At first I felt souncompassionate.ButwhenIfacedthem,IsawthatI’marealhumanbeingjustlikeeveryoneelse.Andsomethinghappened.Irelaxed.Peoplestartedcoming up to me and saying, “You know, Floyd, you’re a lot moreapproachable thanyouused tobe. I senseasoftnessaboutyou.”And theweirdthingis,peoplestartedgivingmoremoney.

There’ssomethingaboutlookingatwhatyouthinkiswrongwithyou—your

own personal experience of scarcity—and being willing to see it and tell thetruth about it. You getmore room to breathe, to soften up a little. Youmake

spaceforcompassion.Andwhenthathappens,thepeopleandsituationsaroundyouoftenhaveroomtoshift,too.

LILLIAN:Ialwaysthoughtmysonwasprettyuntrustworthywithmoney.He’dspendhisallowanceinaflashandcomecryingformore.Ididn’tgivehimmore.Iwouldgetirritatedandlecturehimontheimportanceofbeingthrifty.WhenIthoughtaboutit,Inoticedhowmuchheremindedmeofmybrother and thewayhewas lazy andused tobegoffmyparents. I hatedhavingthosenegativethoughtsandfeelingsaboutmysonandmybrother.Worsewaswhat I thought about thekindof person Imust be for havingthesejudgmentsinthefirstplace.WhenIsawitwasmyMonkeyMindatwork, I stopped feeling so trapped. Although I didn’t givemy sonmoremoney,Istoppedwiththelectures.Hemusthavenoticed,becausehecameuptomeonedayandsaid,“Youknow,Mom,Ikeepaskingyouforalotofmoney. I bet if Iwere you and youwere doing that tome, I’d be prettyfrustrated.”Itmadeallthedifferenceintheworldtome.

Whathappened?Youcouldsaythatthesonjusthadacoincidentalchangeof

heart. But I’ve noticed that when you become more comfortable with facingyourownnegativethoughtsandhavecompassionforyourself,peoplerespond.Itprovidesthemwithachancetobemoreauthenticandshowwhotheyreallyareintheirhearts.This is quite different from affirming away your fears and judgments. Just

thinkforaminuteofsomeoneyoudislikeorwhoirritatesyou.Picturetheminyourmindandfindtenpositivethingstosayaboutthem.Whathappens?Yourmindbecomesconfusedasitsearchesforacompliment,andtensionmayriseasyour positive thoughts battle with the negative ones. Most likely you’re notfeelingtoojoyfulasyoudothis.Doesn’titfeelphony,asthoughyou’retryingtoputoneoveronyourmind?That’sbecauseyouare.You’retryingtousepositivethoughtstowardoffnegativeemotionsorcircumstances.Itdoesn’twork.Lookingatnegativethoughtsisonething,butwhataboutthatnaggingvoice

inside that urges you to go out and get what you deserve? Is that a form ofscarcityaswell?Yes!

THEDEPRIVATIONCYCLE:“BUTIFEELSODEPRIVED;CAN’TIJUSTHAVEALITTLEMORE?”

“I’mtired.Iwantatoy.Afterall,I’vebeengood,haven’tI?I’mworkinghard,bringinghomethebacon.Don’t Ideservea treat?”MonkeyMindpurrs inourear,beguilingandreasonable.Andwelisten.Deprivationisonewayweexperiencescarcity.Deprivationisthatfeelingof

need, that feeling deep inside that we don’t have enough money (or fun,enjoyment, love, you name it) in our lives. It’s coupled with a sense ofentitlement to buy something thatwill fill the void that’s been left bydaysorweeksofrelentlessdrivenbehavior.Sofeelingdeprivedisintimatelyconnectedwithdrivenbehavior.Yougetasenseofdeprivationwhenyou’veworkedlongandhardwithoutabreather.Depleted,restless,andoftenlonely,youlookforawaytofillup.Youneedareward.Spendingmoneyoffersthebestsolution.

Look at the rationalizations in the diagram. They usually precede your

spendingmoneyon something,notnecessarilybecauseyougenuinelywant it,butbecauseitmakesupforthedeprivation.Youhaveworkedsohard,andhadsolittlerest,thatarewardisneeded.

BRIAN: Igetcaughtup in“Ideserve it” thinkingwhen I’mnotcareful.Tired and stressed out, I get this idea that I deserve a good meal at anexpensive restaurant. One night, staring into a $25 plate of food I reallydidn’twant,Ihadtoaskmyself:“AmIworkingthishardsoIcanaffordtospend money on spaghetti arranged like a southwestern landscape, withbasil leaves for cactus? Is this reallywhat Iwant?”Don’tmisunderstandme;Ilovegoodfood.ButsometimesIknowI’veboughtthenotionthatapriceymealatatrendyplaceisthebestrewardforhardwork.It’saknee-jerkresponsetostress.SpendingmymoneythatwayisonereasonIendupworkingharderinthefirstplace!Whataviciouscycle!

The“Ideserveit”rationalecanprovideareasontobuyalmostanything.As

soonaswestartthinkingwedeservesomething,wecreateaneed.MonkeyMindthinks theneedwillbesatisfiedonlybyspendingmoney.That’swhysomeofthe most effective ads around begin with the words “You deserve.” Yes, youdeserveabreak,acar,avacation,ahotnewcomputer,andwhateverelseyourhard-earneddollarswillbuy.Insteadofhavingwhatyoudeserve,whatwoulditbelikeforyoutosimply

have what you want? That’s a whole different perspective. We often take adefensive,sometimesdemandingposturetowardgettingwhatwe“deserve.”Inaddition,wehavetobuildupadeprivationstateinordertojustifyourdemands.Andit’softenthisverystatethatinterfereswithourenjoyment.ToquoteBrian:“WhenIdineatthosepriceyrestaurantsbecauseIdeserveit,I’moftentootiredto relishwhat I’m eating.Andwhat’smore, I usually overeat because Iwantmoreenergy.”It’s costly to consume out of a sense of deprivation. We get caught up in

wantingmore-bigger-fasterstuff,andhavetogobacktoearnthemoneytopayforit.Inaddition,we’reoftennotsatisfied,becausewhatwereallywantisrest,time,meaning,andconnectionwithothers.Thatisreallywhat’smostimportanttous,andthat’swhatwe’reoftentoodepletedtocreate.If you want to get in touch with what is of real value to you, try this

experiment:Imaginethatthereisafireinyourhome.Yourfamilyandanypetsgetoutsafely,andyouhavetwominutestograbsomepossessions.Whatdoyoutake?FormeitwouldbethephotographsofmyfamilyandtheotherpeopleIlove. I think thosewould be themost difficult to lose.Next,maybe, I’dwantsomeartobjectsandcomputerdiscsfullofmywritings.MyVCRandespressocoffeemaker?Waydownonthelist.Eveniftheywerenotinsured.I talkedwith a few of the peoplewhose homeswere destroyed in a fire in

Santa Barbara, California. The immediate shock of losing everything was

devastating.Butforeveryone,beingstrippedofpossessionsyieldedanewviewoflife.Italkedtoonewomantwoyearsafterthefire:

LAURIE:Ilosteverythinginthefire,andwhatIgrievedaboutmostwasmyweavingloom,whichwasmymostpreciouspossession.Butmyfriendsheardaboutit,andtheyputtogetherenoughmoneytobuymeanewone.TheinterestingthingisthatwhenIdidn’thavealotofpossessions,it’sasthoughsomeenergygotfreedup.Andlivinginahomethatdidn’thavealotinit,IstartedtodoalotofthinkingaboutwhatIreallywantedinmylife.

Lauriedecidedthatwhatshewantedmostwastowriteabookaboutweaving

inThirdWorldcountries,andsherecentlyreceivedagranttodoit.Shethinksofitasablessingfromthe tragedyandsaid,“Ineverwouldhavegonefor it if Ididn’thavethatfireinmyhome,tragicasitwasatfirst.”You will be amazed at what happens when you step out of the “must

work/musthave/mustwork”whirlwind.Yourchoices,andyourlife,willbegintolookquitedifferent.

“I’LLSHOWYOUMINEIFYOUSHOWMEYOURS”

Ifyouwant tocomeface-to-facewithone formof scarcity, justcompareyourfinancial situation with that of the people around you. A feeling of tensecompetitioncanrushinwhenwecompareourlivestoothers’,andthathappensrepeatedlyfromthetimewe’reoldenoughtocomparebodypartstothetimeweare old enough to swap the details of our retirement plans. Look at theseexamplesandseewhereyoufitin.

JAMES:Idon’t talkaboutmycommissionsandhowmuchIbringhomeeverymonth.It’snobodyelse’sbusiness.ThetruthisthatI’mafraidImakeless than most of the insurance agents in my company. I’d never wantanyonetoknowthat!

MARGE:Ifeltjustwonderfulaboutmynew4×4truckuntilIfoundoutagirlfriendgotthesameoneatabetterprice.NowIfeelstupidbecauseI didn’t go to the other dealership, and I’m angry that my dealers tookadvantageofme.

ROBERT: Lastweek, I sneaked a look at the salary structure inmyfirm.Thereare someattorneysheremakinga lotmoremoney than Iam.Theydon’tworkhalfashardasIdo.Igotmyyearlybonuscheckyesterdayfor $25,000.Ordinarily I’d be overjoyed. But looking at the amount justmademeevenmoreresentful.IbetthatothersaregettingmorethanIam.Itjustburnsmeup!

Whenyoucompareyourselftoothers,doyouusuallygettheshortendofthe

deal?That’sjustthewayyourmindworks.Evenwhenwecompareourselvestothosewhoarelessfortunate,ourmindsusuallydiscountthemquicklyandjumpto those who are better off than we are. Scarcity tells us that we don’t haveenough because others have more, and our feeling of being “one down” isespeciallypowerfulwhenwecompareourselves topeoplewe thinkarebarelyahead of us. I did research on this phenomenon in young children, and I’vefoundittobetrueofadultsaswell.In my study, when young boys played pinball, they became the most

competitivewhentheywerejustslightlybehindtheirpartners.Boyswhowere

wayahead,slightlyahead,orwaybehindcouldbemoreeasilyinducedtostopthe game and let others play. In the sameway,we adults feel the competitiveheat most with people who operate at about the same level of responsibility,especially in fieldswheresalariesarebasedon individualeffort, as in salesorthelegalprofession.We have seen that it does no good to candy-coat or wish away negative

thoughts.Similarly,it’sawasteofenergytotrytostopcomparingourselvestoothersandhopewewon’tfeel thesenseofscarcity that thecomparisonsbringup.Comparisonsarereflexesthatwereallycan’tstop.Theimportantthingistorecognizeandbemindfulofthem,becausethecomparisonsyoumakebetweenyourselfandotherpeopleoftenreflectyourcurrentlife’slesson.Take Robert’s story, for example. Robert was angry because others were

makingmoremoney thanhewas,but the real sourceofhissufferingwasn’taconcernaboutmoney.Hisforemostfearwasofbeingoverlooked.Hehatedthat—andjusttellingthetruthgavehimsomebreathingroom.OurexchangeintheYouandMoneyCoursewentsomethinglikethis:

ME:Whatdoyouhateaboutbeingoverlooked?

ROBERT:Iworksohard.Ideserverespect.

ME:Doeseveryoneelseworkthishard?

ROBERT:Yes.

ME: Okay, then look again. What do you really hate about beingoverlooked?Whatisthefear?

ROBERT:It’smorelikeIdon’tfitin.Theydon’tevenacknowledgeallthebusinessI’vebroughttothisfirmoverthepasttwoyears.

ME:Let’slookalittledeeper.Howdoyouknowtheydon’trecognizealltheworkyou’vebroughtintothefirm?

ROBERT:Well,I’veneverheardanyofthepartnerssayanythingaboutmycontribution.

ME:Whenwas the last timeyou really talked toanyof them?Youknow,takenatleastoneofthemoutforcoffee?Youcouldtalkabouthowyoufeel.

ROBERT:Idon’thavetime.

ME:Notenoughtimeforrelationships?Thishasallthemakingsofagoodlesson.

ROBERT:Yeah.Ihaven’tbeenspendingenoughtimewithmywifeandfamilylately.I’mworkinglongandhardhours.

ME:You’relonely,aren’tyou?

ROBERT:Okay,Iknowwherethisisleading.Yournextquestionwillbe“Haveyouhadenoughofdoingitthisway?”You’resopredictable.Yes(laughs),Ihavehadenough.TomorrowI’lltakeoneofthepartnersoutforcoffee.I’lltellmywifehowmuchIhavebeenmissingherlately.Satisfied?(Laughsagain).

ME: And, while you’re at it, you might ask for a raise if it’sappropriate!

When you face your discomfort, you open the door to personal

transformation.Youcreateanopportunitytoputscarcityinperspective.Doyoutrytoavoidscarcity?Doyoumanipulateyourselfintothinkingitdoesnotexistand rationalize away your feelings by saying things like: “I’m being overlysensitive”?Doyoumisusepositive-thinkingstrategiesoraffirmations?Doyoutrytodealwithscarcitybycreatingadeprivation-spendingcycle?Unfortunately,themoreyourun,and focusattentiononavoidingyour feelings, the faster thefire-breathingdragonofscarcitycatchesupwithyou.

FACINGTHESHADOW

Carl Jung, the notedpsychotherapist, spokeof the consequences of not facingourdark,orshadow,side.“Everyonecarriesashadow,”hewrote,“andthelessitisembodiedintheindividual’sconsciouslife,theblackeranddenseritis.Atallcounts,itformsanunconscioussnag,thwartingourmostwell-meantintentions.”Theshadowsidesimplymeansthesidethatthelightofconsciousnesshasn’t

yetshinedupon.It’snoworsethanthenonshadowside,anymorethanthedarksideofthemoonisworseormorenefariousthanthelightsideofthemoon.Topinpointyourshadow,askyourself,“Whatdon’tIwanttolookat?WhatwouldIpayamilliondollarsnottohavetolookatinmyownlife?”Thatistheshadow.Tonididn’twanttolookathowshewasnotkeepingthepromiseshe’dmade

toherselftobecomeanartist,butshewaswillingtolookanyway.Shesawshehadawellspringofcreativityand lovedart (watercolorwasherspecialty),butshewasn’tpainting.Shehadcoveredherdreamoverforyearsbysaying,“Justletmestopworkingsohard.Letmegetmycareerinorder,andthenI’llgobackto art.” Her worry was that painting would cause her to become lazy orirresponsible.In the You and Money Course she realized that she’d been saying this to

herself for twentyyears.She saw that it reallywasokay to allowher creativeenergy to express itself, that she didn’t have to wait, and that waiting meantputtingitoffforever.Another You andMoney participant, Steve, didn’t want to look at how he

used money to “buy” relationships. He gave lots of gifts to people—wristwatches, theater tickets, dinners out—and was very generous with hisfriends. But it became clear to him that he gave these gifts partly because hewantedpeopletolikehim.Helovedpeople,buthesawthathewasafraidpeoplewouldn’t appreciate him just forwho hewas.Out of courageously looking atthis, he realized that he’d beenmanipulating people, in a subtleway, into theintimacyhecraved.Theresultwasnointimacy,becausehedidn’tgivepeopleachance to value him. Steve also saw that he didn’t have much discretionaryincome for himself, and that he had been putting off buying a boat for yearsbecausehedidn’thaveenoughmoney.When Steve shone the light of awareness on that dynamic, he saw that it

wasn’tworkingbecausehewasstillfeelinglonelyandempty.Hebegantosee

thepossibilitythatpeoplemightlikehimforwhohewas,whetherornothegavegifts—that, in fact, in a funny way the gifts took away intimacy. He startedgiving fewer gifts but more of himself. He saw other ways for him todemonstrate intimacy as well. He joined a hiking club, got involved inmanycommunity projects, and found that these pursuits really fulfilled his desire toconnectwithandcontributetopeople.Scarcity,alongwithallthenegativefeelingswetrytohide,isoneofourmost

profound teachers ifwearewilling to learn its lessons.Whenwedo, life fillswithadventuresinsteadofdefenses.Whenyouareafraid,lookdirectlyintothefaceofwhateveryoufear.It’snotnecessarytoescapethediscomfort.Youcanhandle it.Use the support of your friends.Remember that there is a place forbothpleasureandpaininbecomingconscious.AsPemaChödrönwrites:“There’sacommonmisunderstandingamongallthehumanbeingswhohave

everbeenbornonearththatthebestwaytoliveistotrytoavoidpainandjusttrytogetcomfortable.…Amuchmoreinteresting,kind,adventurousandjoyfulapproach to life is to begin to develop our curiosity, not caring whether theobject of our inquisitiveness is bitter or sweet.…Wemust realize thatwe canendurealotofpainandpleasureforthesakeoffindingoutwhoweareandwhatthisworldis.…”Trying to escape the discomfort will only prolong your suffering. Get

underneaththeMonkeyMindchatterandexperiencetheessenceofthedistress.You do this simply by recognizingMonkeyMind forwhat it is,which isnotreality, and by allowing yourself to feel whatever you are experiencing. Leaninto the pain rather than away from it. When you do, you’ll hear the realquestion that Scarcity is asking you. It’s not “Do you have enough?” Rather,Scarcity ischasingus toask:“What isreally important toyou?Areyouusingthelimitedenergyofyourlifetocreateyourdreams?”AnsweringthatquestionreturnsustoourStandardsofIntegrityandourLife’s

Intentions,which lay out the parameters ofwhatwe trulywant andwhatwillfinallysatisfyus.These parameters, too, are limits, and they can focus our energy theway a

river’s narrowbanks speed thewater’s flow.Affirmations that come from thisplace, describingwhat is true about us, have a force and power that Scarcity-drivenwishfulthinkingcannot.LookatyourLife’sIntentions.Theyaregrandreflectionsofyourhero’sheart.

Youarehere tomanifest them, to shape themwithyourhands, tograsp them,andcontributeyourtalentswiththem.Butbeforeyoucandothat,youmustfacethefearsthatobstructyourpower.Seeingthemallowsyoutolet themgo,andthiswillsetyoufree.

Exercise:EncounterwithaDragonYouareabouttoreadsomequestionsthatwillhelpclarifyhowscarcityoperatesin your life.Though youmay already have had significant insights in readingthischapter,I’dlikeyoutoallowyourselftoanswerthesequestionsinwriting,onpaper.BringyourStandardsofIntegrityandyourLife’sIntentionswithyou,andkeepthembyyourside.This isamultipartexercise,andeachsectionusesadifferent format tohelp

youarriveatapictureofyourrelationshipwithscarcity.Youwillneedyournotebooktorecordyourresponses.Takeasmuchtimeas

youneedforeachpartoftheexercise.Don’trushyouranswers,evenifyou’retemptedtodoso.Respondtooneortwoquestionsatasitting.Thebenefitsyoureapwillbeindirectproportiontohowtruthfulyouarewithyourself.Youmayfind some similarities between these questions and those you’ve answeredearlier.However,theworkhereapproachesscarcityandmoneymoreexplicitly.Share your answers with at least one friend whom you trust, or a support

group.You’ll see striking similarities in thewaywe all look at scarcity.Evencoming from different walks of life, and allowing for some differences inperspective,it’simportanttoseethateveryoneencountersscarcity.Itprovidesasense of hope as we look at the dragon. Sharing your answers also helps todiffuse the power of what holds you back. Whatever you examine, andespeciallywhatyoushare,losesitspoweroveryou.Afterdoingthisexercisewithmoney,youmaywanttosubstituteanotherform

ofenergy,suchastime,love,orphysicalwell-being.Isthereasimilarityinyouranswers?Itmightbeinterestingtofindout.

PARTONE:ANOVERALLPICTUREOFTHEDRAGON

1.Whatissues,problemsorconcernsdoIhaveaboutmoney?Guidelinesforanswering:Lookatallyourworriesregardingmoney,evenif

theyseempettyorsilly.Doyouhaveoverduebills?Doyouworryaboutyourchildren’seducationoryourownretirement?Doesitseemlikeyouneverhaveenough,nomatterhowhardyouwork?Haveyoubeenthevictimoffraud,theft,ordeceit regardingmoney?Doyouenvypeoplewhoseem tohavemore thanyoudo?Whoarethey?Lookatallofyournegativefeelingsaboutmoneyasyourespond to this item. Do you hate money? Fear it? Fear not having it? Letyourselfwriteaboutthisuntilyouareemptiedout.Haveyoutoldyourselfthatmoney is “not spiritual”?Write for at least ten minutes without a break. But

remembertobreathe!2.WhatdoIsayor thinkaboutmyself forhaving these issues,problems,or

concerns?Guidelinesforanswering:Doyouhavejudgmentsaboutyourselfbecauseof

yourmoneyconcerns?Doyou thinkyouare silly, incapable,or irresponsible?Do you hope no one finds you out?We all have some of these thoughts andfeelings aboutourselves.This is especially truewhenwehavebeendoing thesamethings,overandoveragain,expectingdifferentresults.Keeplistinguntilyougetatleastsixstatements.3.Whataremymajorblundersregardingmoney?Guidelines foranswering:Whathaveyoudone in thepast regardingmoney

that youwould be ashamed to tell anyone about?Have you gambled and lostlarge sums?Have you signed leaseswithout reading the fine print?Have youmadeerrorsincalculationthatcausedyoutobecomeseriouslyoverdrawnatthebank?Haveyou investedand lostmoneyyoucouldnot spare inventures thatwereveryrisky?4.WhomhaveIblamedformydifficultieswithmoney?Guidelinesforanswering:Thisistheopportunitytoreallyletloose.Whoare

they,andwhathavetheydonetoyou?Listallthefunkythingsyouthinkaboutpeoplewhohave“doneit” toyou.Thisisnotimetobequasi-enlightened.Donot fall into the trap of saying “But they didn’t do anything tome, I allowedthemtodoit.”Justcoughitup.Whathappened?Howdiditfeel?Anotherhint:Donotlistyourself.Lookfortheculpritsoutsideofyou.Writewhatyou feel asyouanswer thesequestions.Doyou feel angry, sad,

frustrated, bored, irritated, resentful, or tired? Many who go through thisinventoryfinditstirsupmanyfeelingsconnectedwithscarcity.Itisaveryrareperson, richorpoor,whohasnothing togetoffhisorherchest.Buteveryonewho takes the time to confront his or her feelings and concerns in this waybenefitsgreatly.Remember:Asyoufaceyourexperienceofscarcity,youpreparethewayto

havearelationshipwithmoneythatisfulfilling.Thisrelationshipwillnolongerbemerelytheextensionofpastupsets.

PARTTWO:DRAGONPRINTSINTHESAND

Inthissectionyouwillfindalistofwords.Eachoneisfollowedbyadefinition.Thesewordsrepresenthowweoftendealwithscarcitywhenwearetryingtogetaway from it.Write each of the words in your notebook. Then list incidents

regarding money that are examples of that word or concept. Draw from realexperience inyourown life.For instance, lookat theword“greed.”Hereyoumightwritesomethinglike“Isoldsodasatasoftballgameformuchmorethantheywereworth.Iknewpeoplewouldpaythatmuchbecauseitwasahotday.”Itdoesn’thavetobealongdescription.Theshorterthebetter.Doyourbesttocutout rationalizationsor justifications for theevent.Get right to theessence.Listeverythingyoucanrecallundereachword.Ipromisethelistwillnotgoonforever,evenifMonkeyMindtellsyouitwill.Youmayfindthatanincidentcanbe listed under two ormorewords. Some listsmay be short and others long.Writewhatevercomestoyou.Beascompleteaspossible.

Greed:Thedesireformorethanoneneedsordeserves,especiallywithoutconsiderationfortheneedsofothers.

Dishonesty:Lying,cheating,stealing.Guilt:Feelingsof self-reproach resulting fromabelief thatwehavedonesomethingwrongorimmoral.

Regret:Atroubledfeelingoversomethingthatonehasdoneorleftundone.Feeling“itshouldnothavehappenedasitdid.”

Unconsciousness: The state of not being aware, as with having made amistake because we were not paying attention. Acting without theknowledgeorpreparationweshouldhavehad.

Manipulation: Managing or controlling by a shrewd use of influence orpower.Oftendone in anunfair or fraudulentway.Done for one’s owngainorprofit.Gettingotherstoactagainsttheirwillorbestinterestsforyourownselfishgain.

Resentment:Feelingsofdispleasureandindignation,fromasenseofbeinginjured,offended,orused.

Error:Thestateofbelievingsomething that isnot true.Doingsomethingincorrectlybecauseofignoranceorcarelessness.

Fear:Anxiety,agitation,orasenseofforeboding.Causedbythepresenceornearnessofaperceiveddangerorpainthatisrealorimagined.

Self-deception:Tomisleadoneselfintobelievingsomethingistruewhenitisnot.

Hoorayforyou!Thiscanbeadifficultprocess,andyouhavecompletedit.Likeaperson removingheavyarmor that is awkwardandbulky,youwillnow feellighter and more agile—especially if you talk with a friend or support groupaboutwhatyou’refinding.

PARTTHREE:DISCOVERINGTHEMAGICINTHEDRAGON

The next three questions ask you to look at how your life would be if youallowedscarcitytobeyourally.Takeyourtimetomovethroughthesequestions.Knowthatyouareacceleratingyourwayonthehero’spath.Youarejoiningthethousandsofotherswhohavegoneontothriveafterfullyexaminingtheroleofscarcity in their lives. You are providing an opening that will give you somebreathingroomtomakeauthenticchoices.1.WhatchoiceswouldImakeifInolongerheldscarcityatbay?Guidelinesforanswering:Whatdreamswouldyoufollowthatyouhaveput

onthebackburner?Whatrelationshipswouldyoupursueorenhance?2.Recallatimewhenyoufacedandlearnedfromalimitation.Whatwasit?Guidelines for answering: Were you pleasantly surprised by the outcome?

What were your thoughts about your initial assessment? What new, creativeideascamefromthatencounter?3.IfIweretosimplifymylife,whatwouldIdowithmymoney?Guidelines for answering:Look at areas of your lifewhere you could have

fun,contributetoothers,bemorecreative.Congratulations! You have just done more to understand your relationship

with the fearof scarcity thanmostpeopledo ina lifetime.Doyounotice thatyou’remoreawareoftheroleyourfearofscarcity,oryouravoidanceofit,hasplayedinyourrelationshipwithmoney?If you are doing this exercise with other people, take time to share your

answers.Onceagain,youmayfindalotofsimilarity.Weareoftennotasuniqueasweliketothink.Whenyouhavethoroughlysharedyouranswerstothesequestions,Iwantyou

todosomethingspecialwithPartsOneandTwoofthisexercise.Takethemoutofyournotebook.Tearthepagesup.Dropthemintoapaperbagandthrowthebagawayinthetrash.Noticeifyoufeeluneasyaboutlettingthepagesgo.Doitanyway.Youaregivingyourselfthemessagethatitisallrighttoletgoofthesethoughtsandfeelings.Theymaycomeupagain—andtheyprobablywill.Whentheydo,simplywritethemdownandthrowthepagesawayoncemore.Noticeifyourthoughtsandfeelingsshiftintheirseemingimportance.

•••

Nowthatyouknowyouhavelookedsquarelyatscarcity, insteadofrunning

away, you can stretch beyond your customary ways of seeing the world and

discovernewwaystorelatetomoneyandtheotherformsofenergyinyourlife.Honoryourcourage.Inembracingthedarkness,you’vemaderoomforthelight.It’salmostasif,havingfacedthedragonandgottenhis lesson, theherosits

downbythesideoftheroadwithhisnewallyandsays,“Ican’tbelievethatalltheseyearsyouwerechasingmetotrytohelpmeout.I’mstillexhaustedfromallthethingsIdidtotrytogetawayfromyou.”The dragon answers back with an enigmatic smile, “You’d be surprised to

discoverhowmanythingsarenotwhattheyseem!”

PRINCIPLE6

EventhoughthelastseveralchaptershavetalkedalotaboutMonkeyMind,inthis chapterwe’regoing toprobe theMonkeya littlemoredeeply.Andwe’regoingtouncoverwhatbasicassumptionyouhavemadeaboutlife,yourself,andothersthatismostlikelytobeatthecenterofyourMonkeyMindthinking.We’veseenhowMonkeyMindjumpsupscreamingasweapproachTrouble

at the Border, when we start to translate thought into action, and when weconsiderdoinganythingheroicorrisky.WhathappenswithintwoweeksofyourNew Year’s resolutions? What comes up when you pull out that investinginformationonemore time,orbeginaphysical fitnessprogramover andoveragain?I’veheardhundredsofexamplesofthisintheYouandMoneyCourse.

ROBYN:SometimesIcanjustseemygoalrightinfrontofme.Liketheone of being in a triathlon. I joined an expensive fitness club and got apersonal trainer.ImadeadetailedtrainingschedulesoI’dbereadyinsixmonths.ButIlostinterestaftertwomonths.ItwaslikeIputmyscheduleinmydeskdrawer,covereditupwithguilt,andwentonthewayIwasbefore.

HOWARD:IpromisedmyselfIwasgoingtoclearawayallmymoneyleaks.Ipaidoffanolddebttomyformerroommate.Itfeltgreat!Then,andhere’s the crazy thing, I just stopped. You’d think I’d keep going, but Ididn’t.Idon’tknowwhathappened.

THENATUREOFMONKEYMIND

We’ve noted that MonkeyMind is the reactive aspect of your mind that theTibetan Buddhists call “sem,” which is like a candle flickering in an opendoorway,movingthiswayandthatwitheverypassingpuffofair.MonkeyMindis in perpetual motion, plotting, scheming, and gathering evidence for itsdecisions.OnceyourealizethatyourMonkeyMindiswithyoufortheduration,youno

longerhavetofightit,trytorunfromit,orstaymesmerizedinitscompany.Youcanrelaxandstopwastingenergytryingtochangeit.Tryingtoalterwhatyourmindsaysforcesyoutodancewithit,keepitsrhythm,focusyourattentiononit.Butassoonasyoustepoutof thedance,yourattentionandenergyarefreetofocusonthepossibilitiesthatsurroundyou.Youcandevoteyourenergy tochangingMonkeyMind,oryoucanuse that

energytoinfuseyourdreams.YourchoiceistodancewithyourMonkeyMindordancewithyourgoalsanddreams.Pickone.ShiftingyourattentionfromMonkeyMindtoyourgoalsanddreamsisbotha

gentleandsubtleact.Itimpliesthatnochangetoyourceaselessinnerdialogueis necessary. In fact, you take itwith youonyour hero’s journey.There is noneed towait for it to leave before you go for your dreams. Just place it in abasketunderonearmandproceed.Youcanfocusyourattentionoutwardinsteadofinward.

DANCINGWITHTHEMONKEY

AsyoustarttopayattentiontothewaythechatteringofMonkeyMindaffectsyouandthrowsobstaclesintoyourpath,youmayfeellikegrabbingastickandchasing themonkey out of yourway.But I’ve seen repeatedly that successfulpeopledon’tspendenergytryingtochangethecourseofthewatersintheriversoftheirminds.Insteadtheyobservethemandlearnhowbesttonavigatethem.They’retheoneswhoobserveMonkeyMind—thenletitfadetowhitenoisethatthey can acknowledge and ignore. They know the chatterwon’t stop, so theydon’twasteefforttryingtocontrolit.In theYouandMoneyCourse,Paul talkedabouthowMonkeyMindkicked

into action five months before, when he agreed to climb Mount Shasta withsomefriends.

PAUL: I planned to start training right away, since it’s such a difficultclimb.ButInevergotaroundtoit.Irememberthinking“Idon’thavethetime.It’sonlyaone-dayhike.Howdifficultcould itbe?”Tomycredit, Ididwalka fewmiles eachweek.But it obviouslywasn’t enough.Comesthedayofthehike,lastweek,Isetoutwitheveryoneelse,butanhourintoitmyheart ispounding inmyears. I tellmyself: “Keepgoing.Everyoneelse is.”I’mhavinga terrible time.MybuddyMike ishikingnext tome.Helooksgreat.Sure,he’ssweating.Buthe’senjoyinghimself!Hetrainedforthis.Ihunginonemorehour,butthatwasit.Ihadtostop.Ifeltlousy.Talk

aboutstruggle!Iwasoutofcommission.Hadtohikebackdownandwaitfortheothers.Theygotinthatevening,tiredbuthappy.Me?I’msoreandexhausted.Andhittingmyselfovertheheadwiththoughtslike:“Youjerk.Can’tyoudoanythingright?”I’vehadenoughofdoingthingsthatway.

Onthetrail,MonkeyMindproddedPaulonpasthisendurance.Backatcamp,

he made himself wrong. And the stage was set for this battle when he firstlistenedtothewords“Idon’thavetimeforthis.”Asyoumightguess, thiswasn’t theonlyplace inhis lifewherePaul found

himself going alongwith the “reasonable” voice in hismind.He rememberedputtingoffhistaxesbecausehewas“toobusywithworktofocusonthemright

now,” then slappinghis returns togetherbleary-eyedat the lastminute, fearfulthathe’dmissedsomethingimportant.It’seasier to separate fromMonkeyMind ifyoucan lookobjectivelyat the

guisesitlikestowear.LikePaul,youmightrecognizeforms,shapes,andvoicesthat seduceyou.The followingchecklist shows the symptoms thateruptwhenMonkeyMindisspeakingtoyouandyou’rebuyingitsviewoftheworld.Weallhavethesesortsofthoughtsandconversations—butwedon’thavetomakethemintomajorproductions.Remember: Once you know that the sexy voice of reason belongs to the

Monkey,youcanstoppayingattentiontoit.

SYMPTOMSOFMONKEYMIND

Here is a list of some symptoms ofMonkeyMind, so that you can begin toidentifytheMonkey’svoice,andhowitshowsupforyou.

MONKEYMINDCHECKLIST

1. Being vague: “I’ll balance my checkbook sometime soon. Right now Idon’thavethetimeorenergy.”2.Dealingwiththepastandfutureasifthey’rethepresent:“Income-taxtime

hasalwaysbeen,andwillcontinuetobe,anordealforme.”3.Beingdefensive:“Iamnotbeingdefensiveaboutmycredit-carddebts!Just

backoff!”4. Taking things personally: “Look, are you questioning my professional

judgmenthere?”5.Feelingresigned:“Itdoesn’tmakeabitofdifferencewhetherIplanforthis

vacationornot.I’llnevergo.I’mtoobusy.Don’thavethemoney.WhyshouldIbother?”6.Makingqualifyingstatements:“Well,I’lltrytodoit.”“Ifeverythingworks

out—ifIgetthetime/themoney—Icanprobablyhireanaccountant.”(Haveyouevernoticed that ifyou invite someone to themoviesand they say“I’ll try tomakeit”they’rereallysayingno?)7.Makingexcuses:“IwaslateforthejobinterviewbecauseIoversleptand

ranoutofgas.”8.Usingeither/or thinking:“Either Iget tokeepmycreditcardsor I’mnot

goingtofeelsecure.Icouldn’tpossiblystopusingmycardsforamonth.”9.Beingparanoid:“Nobody listens tome.They thinkIdon’thaveanything

valuabletosay.”10. Fragmenting our personalities: “Part ofmewants to stop overspending.

Butyouknow,partofmereallydoesn’tthinkit’saproblem.Andthere’sathirdpartthat’stootiredtoevenconsiderthis.”11.Makingcomparisons:“Whydoesitseemlikenoonestruggleswithtaxes

asmuchasIdo?”12.Rationalizing:“I’llacceptthismoneyunderthetablejustthisonce.After

all,doesn’teverybodydoit?”13.Justifyingouractions:“Ideservethatexpensivemeal.I’vebeenworking

hardallweek.”14.Deflectingconcernswithjokes:“IknowIspentalotofmoney.But,hey,I

didn’tspenditall.Istillhavechecksleft!”15.Beingamartyr:“NoonereallyknowshowhardIwork.”16. Becoming petulant (cantankerous, cross, or grouchy): “If I want your

advice,I’llaskforit.Untilthen,justleavemealone!”17.Beingimpulsive:“IwantwhatIwantrightnow!”

Ifyouspendajustfewdayspayingattention,andlettingasmallalarmsoundinsidewhenyouhearMonkeyMindinanyoftheseguises,you’llbegintonoticethewayitgrabsyourattention,andyou’llrecognizetheargumentsyourespondtomostreadily.You’llknowyou’reinthegripofMonkeyMindifyoufindthatanyoftheabovesymptomsarecoupledwithphysicaldis-ease—thatis,alackofease.MonkeyMindmakesyoufeel lockedinplace,adamant, tense,as thoughit’samatterofsurvivaltomaintainyourposition.

AWORDOFCAUTION

SomepeoplehavediscoveredthatonewayofdealingwithMonkeyMindistoinfuseitwithanintenseperceptionofdanger.Afteraninitialburstofchatter,itgetsquietandfocusesintentlyonthetaskofkeepingthemalive.Ithasnotimeforanythingelse.Thisexperienceisreportedbymanywhomountain-climbandhangglide.

ARMAND: When I climb, it’s just me and the rock. Very simple. Nothoughts.Iputmyhandwhereitfitsandliftmyselfuponemorefoot.Thenit’sontothenextcrackorfoothold.

Armand recognized that this method for warding off the internal dialogue

couldbehabit-forming.Hehadknownotherswhotriedtorecapturethemind-bendingexperienceofquietexhilarationagainandagainbyincreasingthefearquotient.Many had met with accidents. He was always vigilant about takingunnecessarychanceswhileclimbing.Buthewasawareofthetemptation:

ARMAND:It’spartofmydisciplinetokeepwithinsafelimits.Irememberreadinganarticleonhanggliding,whichsaidthatmostmasterglidersareno longer alive.Theykept pushing the edgeuntil itwas just toomuch. Isawthatcouldhappentomeinclimbing.

Takeamomentand lookatyourown life.Are there timeswhenyoucreate

emergencies,realorimaginary,togiveyourmindsomethingonwhichtofocus?

JANETTE:Iadmitit.Crisesdocalmmedown.Itsoundscrazy,butwhenthere’s an emergency I feel focused. I get into a problem-solving mode.During those moments everything else in my mind goes away. It’s likewhenthecopierbrokeatworkyesterday.Wehadareport togetoutby5P.M.Myadministrativeassistantandreceptionistwerepanicked.Me?I’mcalmlytakingthethingapart toseewhat’swrong.SonowI’mlookingtoseewhereIactuallycreatecrises inmylife.Oneplace is tax time.Iwaituntil the last possible moment to do them. I’m always there at the postofficeat11:59P.M.onApril15.Tired.Exhausted.Butcalm.

PETE:Thisisrealembarrassing.Iliketogamble.Iliketobetbig.Big.WhenIplayblackjack,theworldgoesaway.It’sjustmeandthedealerandmaybeafewothersuckersatthetable.ButIjustnoticedthatmyminddoescool downwhen I concentrate onmy cards. Especiallywhen I place bigbetsandhavetokeepmyselfveryfocused.Hoursgobylikeminutes.

Asyoucansee,dancingtothismelodywithMonkeyMindiscostly.Dealing

withconstant“ups”and“downs”cansapyourmoneyenergy.

MONKEYMINDISTENACIOUS

MonkeyMindisbehindourdoggedrefusaltochangeourmoneybehavior,evenwhen it’s justnotworkingforus.Thiskindofbehavior setsusapart from therest of the animal kingdom.You can train a pigeon to peck at a bar for foodpellets by rewarding him with a pellet every time he pecks. But if you stopgivinghimthereward,he’llkeeptryingforawhile—andthenhe’llstoppeckinganddosomethingelse.If only learning were as easy for people. We’ll persist with behavior that

hasn’t rewardedus inyears, andwe’ll evenputa lotofadditionalenergy intojustifyingwhyweare“right”aboutdoingitthatway.MonkeyMindcanprovideendlessreasonsforthesebehaviors:

•Itwassupposedtoworkthisway.•ItwillworkifIjusttryharder.•Itworksthiswaywithotherpeople.•Itworkedthiswayonce,andIknowitwillagain.•Idon’thavethetimetodoitanotherway.•ThisisjustthewayIam,andthere’snothingIcandoaboutit.•IfIjustkeeppushingthoughit,thepainofdoingitthiswaywillstop.•Thisishowmymother/fatherdidit.•Idon’twanttodoitlikemymother/fatherdidit.•IhavetoanalyzewhyI’mdoingitthiswaybeforeIcanstop.

Thinkoftheenergyweusetoexplainwhythingsarenotsobad,orwhywehavetodowhatwedo.Sometimesweforgetthatlifecanbeanyotherway.Asweproceedonthisjourney,knowthatyouwillrediscoverwhatlifeislike

whenit’sclearofmoneyinsanity.Youmaystillgetcaughtupeveryonce inawhile in the diverting dramas you create around money, but you’ll have theclaritytowakeupandrefocusyourenergy.

YOUARENOTYOURMONKEYMIND

YourMonkeyMind thoughts aboutmoney have nothing to dowith your truenature. It is only one aspect of your mind, and who you are is greater thananythingitcanthrowatyou.WhenyourecognizehowMonkeyMindworks,youminimizethechancesof

gettingofftrackasyougotowardyourgoals.Thisisimportantwhenyoudealwithmoney,sincethatformofenergyseemstosparkourmostcompellinganddisempowering internal dialogues. As a psychologist, I’ve watched countlesspeople talk themselves out of dreams that could easily have beenwithin theirreach.Any attempts tomotivate themwere fruitless: they’d keep going a fewpacesandthenstop.WhenyouunderstandMonkeyMind,andknowthatyouarenotthatchatter,

thenyouhavechoices.YoucanthenmasterTroubleattheBorder.Youfreeupenergytochannelintoyourgoalsanddreams.HowmuchofyourlifeislivedoutofMonkeyMind?Thenextexercisewill

giveyouthebeginningofananswer.Thisisanopportunitytoconsciouslycatchyourself“dancingwiththeMonkey.”Thekeyhereistodiscernthetimesyouarenot actingor thinking in accordancewithwhoyou really are. It isvaluable tobringyourStandardsofIntegrityandLife’sIntentionswithyouasyoudo thisexercise.Lookingatthemwillbringyoubacktoyourself.

Exercise:DancingwithMonkeyMindYouwillneedyoursmallspiralnotebooktocarryaroundwithyouandjotdowntheobservationsyouwillbemakingoverthenextfewdays.HavetheMonkeyMindChecklist(seethispage)handysothatyoucanidentifythesymptom.Over the course of two or three days—nomore, no less—jot down at least

threetimesyouengageinMonkeyMindthinkingeachday.Doitatthemomentyounoticethesymptom.Whatwasthesymptom?Didyousayitaloud?Diditappear insteadas an internaldialogue? If you findyouhave forgotten tokeeprecords,havecompassionforyourself.Youareremovingthemaskfromastyleofthinkingyouhaveusedforyears.Afteryounoticeyou’veforgottentorecordyoursymptoms,gobacktopayingattention.Ifyourememberanyconversations,

notethem.Ifnot,recordthenextinstance.Makeyournotationsbrief.Theymaylooklikethis:

Monday,10:15A.M.: Comparison. Bob doesn’t lookworried about ourpresentation.Isuream.What’swrongwithme?(Spokentoself)

Monday, 12:45P.M.: Being vague. I’ll get this budget done sometimenextweek. (Spoken to supervisor)Monday,4:30P.M.:Defensive. I amnotalways too busy to talk with you! I’ve just had a hectic day, that’s all!(Spokentowife)

Examinewhatyouwroteduringthepasttwoorthreedays.Ifyouhaveevena

fewnotations,commendyourself!Thisisrigorouswork.Nowlookatthenotes.Let thefollowingquestionsguideyourobservations.It isbest ifyoucansharewhatyouseewithsomeonewithwhomyoufeelcomfortable.

1.Weremostofthesethoughtsinternal,ordidIvoicethem?2.Whatarethethemeshere?Istherea“MedleyofmyFavoriteMonkeyMind

Conversations”?3.Howdoesmybody feelwhen I amgrippedbyeachof these symptoms?

AmItense?DoIhaveasinkingfeeling?DoIgoontheattack?DoItightenmystomach?Clenchmyjaw?4.WasIabletocatchanyofthesymptomsbeforetheybecamefull-blown?In

otherwords,wasIabletointerveneearlyon?Whatwasitliketodothis?5.ArethereanyspecialMonkeyMindconversationsIhaveaboutmoney?If

so,whatarethey?Whendidtheyarise?

Almostuniversally,peopleareamazedathowmuchunbidden,unrelated,evencontradictoryconversationgoeson in theirminds.Whatdidyousee?Areyoubeginning to grasp the nature ofMonkeyMind? Share your discoveries withsomeone. Ifyouare reportingback toagroup,haveeachpersoncontributeatleast one observation. The goal of this exercise is not to eradicate the innerdialoguebuttoobserveit.Thisseemscounterintuitive.Weareallsoaccustomedtoanalyzingandmakingsenseoutofeverythingwethink.Whatifweweretodiscoverthat90percentormoreofthethoughtsthatleap

throughourheadsare, in fact, irrelevant toanything that’sof realvalue tous?WhenIaskthisquestion,mostpeoplesaythey’dbereallyrelieved.After doing this for one week, you may notice a heightened sense of

awarenessof timeswhenMonkeyMind ispresent.Whenyou see and tell thetruthabout thesymptomsyouexhibit, theynolongerhaveaholdonyou.Youhavedismantledthem—untilthenexttime.Andeachtimewillgeteasier.

Exercise:“PeacewithHonor”Justasapoolofwaterbecomesclearwhenthemudisnotstirredup,sothemindsettleswhenyoujustletitbewithouttryingtomesswithit.Youcanexperiencethis by trying a meditation technique I have found particularly suited toobserving and calmingMonkeyMind.Use itwhenever you notice yourmindbecomingoverheated,likewhenyouconsiderthepossibilityofdoingsomethingthatyouwouldnormallyputoff—likecreatingawillorabudget—oranyothertaskinvolvingmoneythathasstressedyououtinthepast.Forthisexercise,youwillneednothingexceptaquietplacetosit.Youmay

settle on the floor or in a chair.Start by setting aside tenminutes. Increase totwentywhenyouarecomfortablewiththistechnique.Dothisonceadayforoneweek.Ifpossible,pickthesametimeeachdaysoyouestablisharoutine.Thisexercise is ameditation that asksyou to focusonyourbreath.Sit ina

comfortable upright positionwith your spine straight. Rest your hands, palmsdown,onyourthighs.Closeyoureyes.Breathein,allowingtheairtofillyourlungsgently.Keepyourtummysoft.AsofttummygivesMonkeyMindlesstoholdonto.Remembertofillevenyourupperlungswithair.Breatheout,feelingthebreathasitleavesyournostrils.Pauseattheendofthebreathforamomentbeforeyoubreatheinagain.In your mind’s eye, be like a wave. As you breathe out, you are gently

breakingupontheshoreofyourfavoritebeach.Waitamomentbeforereturningtothesea.Asyoubreathein,drawbackintotheocean.Waitamomentandthenbreatheoutagain.Dothisthroughouttheexercise.Feelandobserveyourbreathasitmovesinandout.I’ve foundaphrase from theBible thatworkswellhere: “Be still.”Asyou

breathein,youcansayquietlyinyourmind’seye,“Be,”andasyoubreatheout,“Still.”Your innerchatterwillbecome lessnoticeable.Periodically, thebabblewillgetlouder.You’llseehowitcomesandgoesinwaves.Thoughtsthathavenothing to do with the present will float through your mind. Each time thishappens,letthempass.Most people report that they find themselves following thoughts

unconsciously. When this happens, just release the thought and be the waveagain.Whenthetimeisup,youhaveasenseoftheconstantnoisethatunderliesdailylife.Sometimeswethinkthisnoisereallymeanssomething.Youhavehadachancetoseehowitchangesfrommomenttomoment,notbasedonanythinginparticular.Youmaynoticehowharditistobeattentivetolifewhenyouthinkthatthechattermeanssomething.Observing yourmental process, and letting it pass, increases your power to

peacefully coexist with Monkey Mind. I suggest you practice this as weencounter the next principles. This power will serve you well on the hero’sjourneytowardyourgoalsanddreams.IfyouhaveanyfinaldoubtsaboutwhetherMonkeyMindisyou,askyourself

the following question: If the Monkey Mind conversations are you, who islisteningtoorhearingthem?WhoyoureallyareismuchgreaterthanMonkeyMind,andthereinliesyourpower.Sometimesallit takestowrestyourselffromthegripofMonkeyMindisto

tellthetruthwhenyouareactingorthinkingfoolishly.Thistakescourageandabigheart.Asahero,youhavethosequalities.Itistimetodemonstratethem.

YOURBASICASSUMPTION

HowdoesMonkeyMindshowupforyou?Onewayis inhowit reflectsyourBasicAssumption.YourBasicAssumptionisafundamentaldecisionyoumadeaboutlifewhenyouwereveryyoung,acoreconversationaboutyourself,others,andhow life is. Since it is an example ofMonkeyMind thinking, yourBasicAssumptionisaself-limitingdecision.Youhavebeengatheringevidenceforit,oragainstit,mostofyourlife.WeactoutourBasicAssumptionbyeither“beingit” or by “being its opposite.” Basic Assumptions are extensions of the fight,flight,orfreezeinstincts.YourBasicAssumptioncolorshowyouseelife,andhowyouliveit.Asyou

comeclosertoseeingyours,you’llrealizehowitcansnareyourenergy,makingyour relationship with money more difficult than it needs to be. Your BasicAssumption issomuchapartof thefilter throughwhichyousee life thatyoudon’tevenknowthefilteristhere.IlovethisquotefromtheIChing:“Beforethebeginningofgreatbrilliance,

theremustbechaos.Beforeabrilliantpersonbeginssomethinggreat,theymustlookfoolishtothecrowd.”IexperiencedthisonacoolmorninginSacramentofifteen years ago. I foundmyself squarely on the border of a new beginning,poisedtostride intomydestiny.Aftermonthsofplanning,dreaming,andhardwork,IstoodinfrontofmyfirstYouandMoneyclass.Itwasthethirdsessionofaten-sessioncourse.Eachofthetwentywomenpresenthadbeenassignedtobalancehercheckbooktothepenny.Iknewitmightnotbeaneasytaskforalotofthepeoplethere,butIwasastonishedwhenonlyahandfuloftheparticipantshaddonethework.As I looked around the room,my chest got tight.My arms got heavy, and

somethingcameoverme.Angry,disappointed,maybepossessed, I flew intoarant,anunplannedlectureaboutthislazygroup’slackofcommitmentandguts.Theroomwasabsolutelystill.MyfriendRitastoodatthethresholdoftheroom,andwhenIstoppedtotake

abreath,shemotionedme tocomeoutside. Iexcusedmyselfandstepped intothehall.“What’sgoingon?”Ritaasked.“Yousoundsoangry.You’rebeingveryrough

onthem.”“Thisisit!”Ireplied.“I’mnotgoingonwiththiscourse.Ican’tleadit.It’s

justtoomuchforme.Ifsomeonebetterledit,everyonewouldhavedonetheirhomework.Butnotwithme.”Rita lookedconcerned. “Sounds likeyou’rehavinga fit,” she said. “What’s

goingon?”“I’mnothavingafit.It’sthetruth!Ican’tleadthiscourse.”“Whatdoyoumeanyoucan’t?”“Whatdoyoumean,whatdoImean?Ijustcan’tdoit.Idon’thavewhatit

takestodoacourseonmoney.Oranycourse.IshouldhavelistenedtomyselfwhenIbeganthis.IknewIcouldn’tdoit.”I stoppedmy fit long enough to lookup at the course roomwindow.There

were twenty noses comically pressed against the glass. Twenty pairs of eyespeeredoutatme.ItlookedsofunnyIstartedtolaugh.Ifeltlikeafool!But that laugh dismantled something, and I pulled myself together,

apologized,andwentonwiththeclass.Everyonewasrelieved,includingme.Itwas thekindof thing thatwould’vebeeneasy tochalkup tonerves,but laterthatdayIremembertellingRitahowfamiliarthewholethingfelt.Thatsinkingfeelingandthe“Ican’t”patternthatwentalongwithithadbeen

with me as long as I could remember, and it always popped up whenever Istartedsomethingnew.ThatdayIconnectedwithanideathathaschangedmylife—andmay change yours. I saw theBasicAssumption I’dmade aboutmylife, and how deeply it affectedmy relationshipwith success andmoney.MyBasicAssumptionwas“Ican’t.”Likeablackholeinspacethatinvisibly,butpowerfully,changestheorbitof

anything thatcomesnear it,ourBasicAssumptionsexerta force thatcan tint,warp,andalterourbestintentions.BasicAssumptionscanmakeattainingagoalseem impossible and dissipate our resolve.At times they even spark behaviorlikemytantruminfrontofmyclass.In the You andMoney Course I came to see that, even as adults, we look

throughascaredchild’seyeseverytimeweenterunfamiliarterritory—aswedowheneverwecross theBorderbetweenmetaphysicalandphysical reality.Andwhen the unfamiliar territory involvesmoney, ourBasicAssumptions becomeespeciallypotent.Even with my previous work on Basic Assumptions, I had not felt the

fundamentaleffectsasdeeplyinmycellsasIhadthatmorninginthefirstYouand Money class. I felt the “I can’t” response in my body, as my shouldersslumped forward.My toneofvoicewasdefinitelywhiny,and I could feelmyfacetighten.Thosetwowordshadbeeninthebackgroundmostofmylife.Theystruckmetothecore.Theymademefeellikeafool.ButwhenIsawthisBasicAssumption,therewasashift.Aftertheinitialchagrinofrecognition,ithaslost

alotofitspowertoprovokemybehavior.IknewthatifwecouldallseeourBasicAssumptionswecould,perhapsfor

the first time, stop automatically reactivating the scared child’s view of ouroptions and powerwhenwe feel challenged.We could see howwe created alimited, false sense of who we are, and learn how to leave that inauthenticperceptionbehind.Thatwouldfreeustoactastheheroesweare.Fifteenyearsand thousands of people later, this has proven to be the case. For myself, “Ican’t”nolongerfrightensmewhenitemerges.Infact,ithasbecomeasignthatI’mstretchingoutsidemycomfortzone.LaterinthischapterIwillgiveyouthechancetobeginworktodiscernyour

own Basic Assumption. While it is unlikely that you will get to that coredecision here, you will at least see what is around the outer edge of it.Everythingyouuncoverherewillbringyoubreathingroominyourrelationshipwithmoney.

THESTARTLERESPONSE

TheideaoftheBasicAssumptionhasitsrootsin1950spsychologicalresearchthat studied how people respond to emergencies. That research developed thenow well-known idea of the “flight-or-fight response,” in which the bodyproduces adrenaline and other chemicals in response to stress, enabling it todefend itself or outrun danger. Initially, humans’ well-developed flight/fightresponsewas akey survival tool, but in the late twentieth centurywe’ve seenthatittakesatollonthebody.Theliteratureonstressisfullofresearchontheharmful effects of being in situations that frequently evoke this response.Researchers have also noted a third response to emergencies: freezing, asanimals often do, hoping to protect themselves by literally blending into thescenery.InmyworkIhavefoundthatwhenpeopleareunderstress,sensingsomesort

ofdanger,theirpsychologicalresponsesfallintothefight/flight/freezemodelaswell.Andoneoftheseresponsesdominatesineachperson.Somepeoplewanttorun away, avoiding what they fear. Some become combative. Others seemparalyzed.Do Iknowhowaparticular choice ismade?No.Wewill probablyfind that eachofushasageneticpredisposition tooneof the three responses.Your personal bias toward fighting, fleeing, or freezing shapes your BasicAssumption.Forexample,myBasicAssumptionof“Ican’t”isaflightresponse,andIhate

it.I’dprefertobeafighter,butIhavediscoveredthattheBasicAssumptionyoulikeleastistheonethatfitsyoubest.YouhaveanaturalaversionforyourownBasicAssumption.Youhateitbecauseit’stheideayou’veusedagainandagainto limit your possibilities. It is your private showstopper. It also reflects thepersonyou’reafraidyouare.Itistheawfultruthaboutyou,your“fatalflaw”—orsoyoufear.EveryonehasaBasicAssumption.Itnevergoesaway,anditusuallydoesn’t

change.However,whenyouseewhatitis,itoftenlosesitspoweroveryou.Youstill feel yourmind producing versions of “Don’tmove!” or “Run!” or “Let’sfight!” in response todanger,butas thebrilliant teacherRamDasssays,“Theinternal dialogue just doesn’t stay around as long.” It stops impeding yourprogress.

THERISEOFYOURBASICASSUMPTION

YourBasicAssumptionformswhenyou’reatoddlerandyou’resuddenlyfacedwithashockoraloss.Itcouldbesomethingthatseemstrivialtoyounow,butthenitfeltlikeamatteroflifeordeath.Perhapsyouwokeupinthemiddleofthenightandyournight-lightwasoffbecausethebulbhadburnedout.Alone,confused, and afraid, you tried to make sense of the circumstances and saveyourself. Your body, depending on your inclinations, wanted to fight, flee, orfreeze.Youmaynothavehadthelanguageskillstoexplainwhathappened,butthememoryremainedvivid.As time went on, Monkey Mind wrapped words and images around the

experience.Andthenitformedaconclusionsuchas:

•Idon’tknow(whattodo,howtosavemyself)—afreezeresponse• Life is hard (and I can never be safe, or count on anything)—a flight

response•Peoplearejerks(WhereismymomwhenIneedher?Whosefaultisthis?)

—afightresponse

Over time thatconclusion tookona lifeof itsown,and itbecame the filterthrough which you viewed the events in your life. Long after making thatdecision about how the world works, you still gather evidence to prove it iscorrect—eventhoughyouhavenoideawhatyourBasicAssumptionis,oreventhat you have one. Or else you gather evidence to prove that it’s not true—becauseit’ssonoxioustoyouthatyoudon’twanttobelieveit.Forexample,theoppositeofmy“Ican’t”BasicAssumptionis“Ican,too!”I

sayitwithadefensivetoneinmyvoiceandashrugofmyleftshoulder,daringanyone tostand inmyway.At those times I’lldoanything toprove topeoplethat I am capable, even super-capable. That was the attitude I exhibited as Iinvested that$35,000onanunsecuredpromissorynote.Friendscautionedme,but Iwasout to show them theywerewrongand that “I could”make agoodfinancialdeal.Because theBasicAssumption is the package inwhichyou comewrapped,

it’salmostimpossibletosee.Thatcreatesoneofthehero’smostchallengingand

importanttasks:toidentifythelimited,inauthenticpictureofhim-orherselfthatsooftensoaksuptheenergythatcouldbespentmovingtowardourdreams.

SEEINGTHEINVISIBLE

OurBasicAssumptionisinvisibletous.Wedon’tthinkit,webeit.You see your Basic Assumption as the truth in your life, and it seems to

transcend any possibility of choice. It looks like a given, not an option. Forexample,whenIamgrippedby“Ican’t,” there isnowaytoconvincemethatthis is simply a decision Imade long ago as a child. Nomatter that it is notlogicalorcoherent.Itisabsolutelyrealtomeatthatmoment,andIcanalwaysfindawaytoprovemyfeelingsarejustified.Parentshavetoldmethattheycantellwhentheirchildrenaremakinglimiting

decisionsaboutlife.Butit’simpossibletostoptheprocess,whichhasalifeofits own. I watched it happening recently on a visit to Disney World. I waswalking in frontof amanandhis five-year-olddaughter,whowore aMickeyMousehatandaDisneyWorldT-shirtandheldaballoon inherfreehand.Asshewalkedalong,sheturnedtoherfatherandasked:“Daddy,willyougetmeanicecream?”“Notrightnow,honey.It’salmostlunchtime.”“Oh,”shesaid.“YounevergetmeanythingIwant!”Abudding“PeopleAre

Jerks”BasicAssumption?That’shardtosaywithcertainty.Afterall,everychildhasmoments like this.Butwe do know that the childwasmaking a decisionabout life right then, nomatter what her father said or did. And it would befruitless for the man to point out that he’d just gotten her the hat, shirt, andballoon she’d asked for. She’d made up her mind based on her most recentrequest,andthatwasthat!Let’sobservehowtheBasicAssumptioncanaffectusinamore“grown-up”

situation.After discovering her BasicAssumption,Marlene reported the following to

hercoursemates:

MARLENE: My Basic Assumption is “Life is hard,” a definite flightpattern.Now that I’m looking at it, I remember signing up for a quiltingclass a year ago. Our first assignment was to get some cloth that wasbeautiful ormeaningful in someway.Wewere each going to create ourpersonal“workofart.” Ihad twoweeks togather thematerial.Fivedaysbeforetheclass,Igotitinmyheadtogotoaswapmeetthirtymilesaway.

I’d heard there was some old, beautifully patterned cloth for sale there.SundaymorningIwokeupat6:00A.M. toget thereon time. Itwas foggyandcold,butI tougheditoutandmadethedrive.Thepunchline is, theyweren’t open! Itwas thewrongweekend.Actually, thatwas no surprise.That’showIseemtohandlenewsituations:bymakingitharderonmyself,andothers,thannecessary.

PriortodiscoveringherBasicAssumption,ifyouhadaskedMarleneif“Life

ishard”asshewasdrivingto theswapmeet,shemighthaveanswered,“No.”Asamatteroffact,she’dprobablyhavereplied,“It’snotthathardatall.Whydoyouask?”

YOURBASICASSUMPTION’STRIBUTARIES

OvertheyearsyourBasicAssumptionbecomessoubiquitousthatitdisappearsintothefabricofyourlife.Butyoucanseetheeffectoftributarydecisions,onesthat are more conscious to you. For example, you may have a fight BasicAssumption at your core but have surrounded it with flight and/or freezedecisions. The diagram on this page shows a Basic Assumption tree. It’sdifferentforeveryone.

ExampleofaBasicAssumptionTree

AsyoudotheBasicAssumptionExercisesbelow,you’renotlikelytoarrive

atyourcoreBasicAssumption.Butasyouencounteryour tributaries,youcanbegin to get closer to it. This is like entering a labyrinth, exploring all of itspaths. Ifyou’rewilling to investigate the tributaries fully, lookingathoweachhasaffectedyourlifeandyourrelationshipwithmoney,youwill,atsomepoint,makeyourwaytowardthecenter.Youcanhear the tributaries inyourhead.They’re thevoices thatcomment,

criticize,andprodyouasyousetouttowardyourgoals.YoumayrecognizeitasMonkeyMind’schattering.YourBasicAssumptionanditsoffshootsshape thesortsofthingsyouhearMonkeyMindtellingyou.

HerearesomeexamplesofthedecisionsthatformyourBasicAssumptionoritsoffshoots.Numerouspeoplehavegottenrelieffromactuallysayingthewordsaloudinsteadof“being”them.

FLIGHTBASICASSUMPTIONS

I’mdumb!Ican’t!Something’swrongwithme!Lifeishard!

FREEZEBASICASSUMPTIONS

Idon’tknow!I’mnotsure!Thisisn’tit!

FIGHTBASICASSUMPTIONS

I’lldoitmyway!Peoplearejerks!Youcan’tmakeme!Backoff!

The Basic Assumption expresses itself directly through your body. When

you’re speaking through it, your tone of voice shifts. Your posture undergoes

somechanges.Yourfacialexpressionmayalter.Youmaysensetenseness.Yourheart could start pounding.Groups of symptoms reappear like old, familiar, ifunwanted, company.Many people try to muscle their way through the BasicAssumptionreaction.Othersstopandwaitforittogoaway.Ofcourse,theywaitforever.YourBasicAssumptioncanlimithowyouseelife—butyouhaveanantidote

to these limitations in yourStandards of Integrity andLife’s Intentions.WhenyoucomparethemwiththedictatesofMonkeyMind,you’llhaveaclearpictureof“whoyouarenot”vs.“whoyouare.”The followingexercises aredesigned tobring“whoyouarenot” into sharp

focus so thatyoucan see it forwhat it is.This creates a spaciousness inyourheart to seewho you really are, evenwhen you have a lot of chatter in yourhead.

Exercise:TrialsandTributariesYouwill need your notebook and pen, and you can do this exercise in ten-tofifteen-minute segments. You may want to do it a number of times over thecourseofthenextfewweeks,takingoneortwoquestionseachtime.Thiswillnotinterferewithanyotherworkyoudointhebook.Doingthisexercisemanytimeshelpsyoumapyourresponsesandtoseethepatternsthatdevelop.Writeyourresponsestothefollowingquestions.Keepthemshortandtothe

point.Beabsolutelycandid.Noteyourbodysensationsandposture.Thisisnotimeforquasiliberalor“enlightened”answers.AsJoanRiverswouldsay:“Canwetalk?”

1.Youhave just inheritedonemilliondollars.Arelativeasks fora$50,000unsecuredloan.

1. Whatisyourfirstthought?Behonest.2. What are your body sensations right now.Are you tense, tight, hot,

cold?

2.Thinkofatimewhenyoufailedtocompletesomethingyoupromisedyouwoulddo.Bespecific.Thinkofnames,dates,andplaces.

1. Whatareyourreasonsfornotkeepingyourpromise?Whathappened?2. Asyouthinkofitnow,whosefaultwasitthatyoufailedtodoit?(Do

not answer “me” unless that is what really occurred to you to say.)Why?

3. Doyouhaveanybodysensations?Wherearethey?

3. The past ten years have shown an upsurge in the number of personalbankruptciesfiled.

1. Inyouropinion,whatcausessomeonetogobankrupt?2. Whatdoyoufeelasyousaythis?3. Noteyourbodysensations.Whatarethey?

4.Thinkofaplace,atworkorinapersonalrelationship,whereyouknowyouarenotoperatingwithinyourStandardsofIntegrity.

1. Whathaskeptyoufromclearingthisup?2. Whatareyourbodysensationsasyouwritethisanswer?

5.Youareabout tostandupinfrontofagroupofpeopleyouhardlyknow.Youaregoing to tell thempreciselyhowmuchmoneyyoubringhome to thepennyeachmonth.

1. Whatthoughtscometoyourmindasyoucontemplatedoingthis?2. Doanyemotionsemerge?3. Noteyourbodysensations.

6. You have been asked to give the year-end summary presentation to thepresidentofyourcompany.Youhavetwohourstoprepare.

1. Whatdidyoujustthinkasyoureadthis?Noteanythingdown,evenifitseemsunrelated.

2. Whywouldyoufailatthistask?3. Noteyourbodysensations.

7.Youarebeingaskedtocomputeyournetworth.

1. Howhardwouldthisbeforyou?Why?2. Whatfeelingscomeupforyou?3. Noteyourbodysensations.

8.Youhavejustreceivedaletterthatyourincometaxesforthelasttwoyears

willbeaudited.

1. Whatdoyouthinkhappenedtocausethistooccur?2. Howwillyouhandlethesituation?3. Noteyourbodysensations.

9.Youareleavingarecordstorewithsomepurchases.Asyougothroughthesecurity gate, the alarm sounds.A salesperson rushes toward you to stop youfromleaving.

1. Whatisyourfirstthought?Whatwouldyoudo?2. Whatareyourfeelingsasyouthinkaboutthissituation?3. Noteyourbodysensations.

10.Nameonedreamyouhavehadforsometimethatyouhavegivenupon.

1. Whatisit?Bespecific.2. Whendidyougiveuponthisdream?Whatwerethecircumstances?

Noteyourbodysensations.

11.You bought a book on financial prosperity threemonths ago.Youwereexcitedatthetimebuthaven’treadpastthefirstthreepages.

1. What are your reasons?What’s keeping you from reading, and evenputtingintopractice,whatthebooksuggests?

2. Have you done this before? When? Tell the truth. Note your bodysensationsrightnow.

12.You’vebeenmeaning to talk toyourchildren(spouse,partner)aboutanissueinvolvingmoney,butyouhaven’tdonesoyet.

1. Whatkeepsyoufromdoingthis?2. Whatworriesemergeasyouthinkaboutthis?3. Whatareyoufeelinginyourbodyrightnow?

These questions are by nomeans easy to answer. They are designed to bringyourtributariestothesurface.Wereyouabletoarriveatsomedistinctphrases?Listthem.Makesuretheyaredeclarative.Forexample,“Ithinkthatfewpeoplearereallytrustworthy,”or,“Itseemstomethatthereareveryfewpeopleinthe

worldwhoaretrulytrustworthy”arenotdeclarative.Adecisionispreciselythat:“Youcan’ttrustanybody!”Didyoufindyouranswerstobefight,flight,freeze—oracombinationofall

three?WhileyourBasicAssumptionisoneofthoseresponses,yourtributariescan be any of the three.Discusswhat you have foundwith a friend.Are youwilling to give them permission to tell you when they think you are doing aflight,fight,orfreezeresponse?Thatwillgiveyougreatfeedback.Youmayaskthemtotellyouwhatyourfacialexpressionlookslikeduringthosetimes.Dothesephrasesseemfamiliar?Arethereothertimesinyourlifewhenyou

heardtheminyourhead?Whatwereyoudoing?Whatdidyoudonext?Reallytakethetimetoexploreanywaysthesestatementshaveworkedinyourlife.You may not find your Basic Assumption using this exercise alone.

Unearthingitoftenrequiresthesupportofagroupinastructuredsituation.Butyouwillcomecloserandclosertoit,andgetaveryclearviewofthetributariesthatflowfromit,asyourepeatthisexerciseovertime.

You have just done some challenging but very valuablework to identify yourmentalblocks toprogress.Congratulations! In thenextsectionwewill lookatclearing your hero’s path by releasing old beliefs, practicing forgiveness, andmakingandkeepingpromises.

PARTIII

PRINCIPLE7

Inthelastfewchapterswe’veseenhowdeeplyandpervasivelyMonkeyMindhascoloredourthinkingaboutandourrelationshipwithmoney.MonkeyMindwantstobe“right”atanycost—evenifitneedstomanufacture

incorrect “facts” about the way life works. To Monkey Mind, fear-baseddecisionswe’vemade about ourworld, and even our BasicAssumptions, arereal and correct. The Monkey sees scarcity as its greatest enemy, and itconstructs an entire belief system around its fears and defenses against all“enemies.”The“facts”we’vebeenabsolutelypositiveabout, the thoughts thathavedrivenusandshapedourwholerelationshipwiththeenergyofmoney,areoftenjustsmokescreensthatMonkeyMindthrowsuptoprotectitself.Even when theMonkey is relatively quiet, our minds set to work creating

what I call “structures of knowing” to define and clarify—accurately orinaccurately—theworldaroundus.

WHATARE“STRUCTURESOFKNOWING”?

Astructureofknowingisamentalmodelofhowthingswork.Itcontainsallofthe thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs, attitudes, memories, body sensations,and points of view that surround our present view of something. It organizeseverythingweknowabouttheworld.Structures of knowing filter information for us. Imagine a grid that sits

betweenyouand theworld, likea fencingmask,admittingcertain informationintoyourconsciousawarenesswhilekeepingotherbitsout.Inourevolutionaryprehistory,thisfilteringsystemwasamatteroflifeanddeath.Wehadtobeonthelookoutconstantlyfordanger.Wehadtointerpretandsegregateobservationsthat would preserve our lives from information that was unimportant to oursurvival.We create structures of knowing about everything—what it is to be

“successful,”whatitmeanstobeagoodparent,howtheholidaysshouldlook,howmuchmoneywe should have, how to bake a turkey, how to drive a car,what kind of work we should be doing, everything. We especially havestructuresofknowingaboutmoney.Sometimesweknowwhatourstructuresofknowingare,andsometimesthey

are unconscious. Jeff, an attorneywho took theYou andMoneyCourse, wasaware thathehada structureofknowing thathehad toworkonweekends inordertosucceedathisfirm.Buthewasunawareofanotherstructureofknowing—thatuntilhewasfortyhecouldn’texpecttomakemorethan$100,000ayear.Seeing both of these, questioning their validity, and moving beyond themaffectedhowheworked.Almostwithouteffort,hebecamemoreefficient,spentweekendsathomewithhisfamily,andputhimselfinlineforaraise.Our structures of knowing can be so deeply entrenched that it seems

impossible to think about things in anyotherway.Alice runs ahousecleaningservice, andhaddecided that shedidn’twant to dealwith anymore than fiveemployees.Shedidn’tthinkshewasaverygoodmanagerandhadseenfriendsrunintoallsortsoftroublewithpeoplewhoworkedforthem.Herservicewassosuccessful,however,thatsoonshewasturningawayclients.Amanagementconsultant convinced her to go outside her structure of knowing, her comfortzone,andtryhiringafewmorepeople.Shehiredthreemoreworkers,andtheteamthrived.“Ican’tbelieveIdidn’tdoitsooner,”shetoldme.“Iwasjuststuck

in that old thinking, and it was holding me back. I’m actually a pretty goodmanager,andIevenenjoyit!”

HOWSTRUCTURESOFKNOWINGWORK

Structures of knowing aren’t always limiting. They can help us process andhandle information—especiallywhenweareyoung.Butweneed to dismantlethem in order to mature and progress along the hero’s path of dealing withenergyandincreasingourpower.Forinstance,whenyouweretwoorthreeyearsold,youhadaparticularview

ofwheremoneycamefromandwhatitwasgoodfor.Probablyyoubelievedthatitcamefromyourparentsandwasgoodfortoysandcandy.Whenyouwerefiveor six, youmay have thought it came fromATMmachines andwas good forbikes,coolshoes,andcandy.Asyougotolder,yourviewscontinuedtoevolve.Theinterestingthingisthatatsomelevelwecarrybitsandpiecesofourold

structuresof knowingwithus into adulthood.Tohave apowerful relationshipwith money, we need to discover what our structures of knowing are and bewillingtoletthemgoiftheydon’tserveus.Wecanthenusetheenergywe’vebeenusing to hold together those structures of knowing to focus onour goalsanddreams.MonkeyMindalwayswantsustoclingtoourold,outmodedideas—butthis

kindofdependency is as counterproductive as insistingonusing anoldhand-crankedaddingmachinewhenyoucouldswitchtoacomputer.

YOURSTRUCTURESOFKNOWINGMONEY

Asyouwrote aboutyour experienceof scarcity, drivenbehavior, andMonkeyMindin thepreviouschapters,youmayhavenoticedrecurring themes inyouranswers. You may have discovered thoughts and feelings that repeatedthemselves and formed patterns. For example, as you looked at your blundersregardingmoney,youmayhaveseenthattheyrevolvedaroundrepeatedpatternsofbehavior.

MYRA:Myblundersaremostlyaboutnotreadingthefineprint,whetherit has to do with leasing agreements, consulting contracts, or insurancepolicies.It’soddtoseethis,becauseatthesametimeIwroteintheexercisethat I feel victimizedbyother people. I “know”when I’mabout to entercontractualagreementsthattheywon’tturnoutthewayI’dplanned.ButInowseethatI’m theonewhoputsmyself in jeopardybynotattendingtoimportantdetails!

Thepatternsofbehaviorthatyouseeinyouranswersreflectyourstructures

of knowing—the paradigms that yourmind creates in response to informationfrom the outside world. The hero’s task is to become aware of what ourstructuresofknowingaresothatwecandecidewhetherornottheyarecurrentlyusefulinourrelationshipwithmoney.Here are a couple of examples of howwe restrict ourselveswhenwe drag

withusouroutmodedstructuresofknowingabouthowmoneyandlifework:

BLAIR:I’vealreadygonetoafinancialplanner.Hedidn’tseemtoknowwhathewasdoing.Look, I’ve tried it thatwayonce. I justneed tomakemyownfinancialdecisions fromnowon. Iknownow thatnobody reallyknowsthatmuchaboutinvestments.It’sallacrapshoot.

KAREN:Thereare lotsof jokesabout it, but I reallyknow thatyoucan’t trust lawyers.Mysisterhad troublewithherattorneywhenshewasgettingadivorce.SowhyshouldIgivemineallthereasonsmylandlordissuingmefordamages?Hedoesn’tneedtoknow.

These people have made financial decisions based on a single negative

experience.Theirdecisionhasbecomeapropintheirstructureofknowingandis restricting their ability to takeAuthenticAction. IfBlair andKarenwere torethinkandchallengetheirownassumptions,theymightcomeupwithnewandcreative solutions to their problems. By adamantly standing by their mentalconstruct, however, they’ll get only reasons, facts, and figures to justify theirstand—andthosefactswillsoundirrefutablycorrect.Ironically,beingabsolutelycertain about the correctnessof your feelingsor

opinionsis thebestsignal thatyou’rebeinglimitedbyastructureofknowing.It’sasignthatMonkeyMindisusingthemforsomespecificpurpose.ThetoneofMonkeyMind’svoicebrooksnodoubts.“Thisistherealityofthesituation,”ittellsus.“Don’tevenquestionit.”Ofcourse,that’stheverytimeyouneedtoasksomequestions.

WHENTOLETGO

Eventhemostprofoundstructuresofknowingcanoutlivetheirusefulnessandcircumscribe our world in predictable, comfortable ways that keep us fromseeingandrespondingtonewpossibilities.Whendoweknowwhentoletgo?InTheEnlightenedMind:AnthologyofSacredProse,StephenMitchellrelatesthisstory,toldbytheBuddha:“Amanwalkingalongaroadseesagreatriver,itsnearbankdangerousand

frightening,itsfarbanksafe.Hecollectssticksandfoliage,makesaraft,paddlesacrosstheriver,andreachestheothershore.Now,supposethat,afterhereachestheothershore,hetakestheraftandputsitonhisheadandwalkswithitonhisheadwhereverhegoes.Wouldhebeusingtheraftinanappropriateway?No.Areasonablemanwillrealizethattherafthasbeenveryusefultohimincrossingtheriverandarrivingsafelyontheothershore,butthatoncehehasarrived,itisproper to leave the raft behind and walk on without it. This is using the raftappropriately. In the same way, all truths should be used to cross over; theyshouldnotbeheldontoonceyouhavearrived.Youshould letgoofeventhemost profound insight on the most wholesome teaching; the more so,unwholesometeachings.”Weneedtoformsomelastingparadigmsorstructuresofknowingtomakethe

world make sense. People with neurological disorders don’t have a mentalframeworkforunderstandingwhat theyseeandexperienceandarecontinuallydisoriented. But to most of us, outmoded structures of knowing can alsodisorientusandweighusdown,likearaftonourshoulders.InMonkeyMind’s view, a truth should last a lifetime.But all structures of

knowinghaveadevelopmental lifespan,aspecificperiodofusefulness.Keepthem past their time and you experience stagnation.Dare to release them andyoucreatethefuture.It’s not always easy to see when we’ve put together a structure that isn’t

working:

GREG:Iknowit’ssilly,butIcan’tbringmyselftothrowthingsaway.Mygarage is full of old books, papers, and exercise equipment. I’ve evenrentedstoragespacetoholdevenmorethings.Imean,whatifIneedthemsomeday? Even my rusted Volkswagen from my college days is in my

garage.Myfriendsjokewithmeaboutit.TheyaskifI’mgoingtouseitforaplantersomeday.IjustrememberwhatitwaslikewhenIwasastarvingstudent.Ididn’townmuchthen.I’dsaveeverything.I’mstilldoingit.

ALICIA:I’vebeengoingtoAlanonforthreeyearstohelpmedealwithmyhusband’sdrinking.Iwenttoatherapistwho’shadthenervetosuggesttome…me!…thatIlookatmyowngambling!Look,IknowtheproblemreallyisHarry’sdrinking.Ifhe’dstopourliveswouldbeeasierandmaybeIwouldn’tfeelsomuchstressandneedtorelieveitbyplayingtheslots.

Greg’sandAlicia’sstructuresareleadingthemtobelievethatthisistheway

life is—they’re right aboutwhat they’re doing and there’s no need to change.Buttherearedefinitetelltalesymptomsthattelluswhenit’stimetoletgo.Youneedtoexpandbeyondyourpresentstructuresofknowingwhen:

1.Yourreluctanceandfearblockthedesiretofollowyourhero’spath.

PHOEBE: Idon’tknowhowtobalancemycheckbooktothepenny.I’veneverdoneit,andIcan’tdo itnow.Idon’tcarewhateffect ithasonmyfuturewealth.Theremustbesomewayaroundthis.

2. You use the structure of knowing as an excuse for not keeping your

promises.

TERRY: I’m a busyman. I don’t have time to train for that 10K run. Iknow I promised to raisemoney and do the run, but I’m just swamped.Maybenextyear.Besides,Ihaveahardtimeaskingpeopleformoney.

MARK:Yes, I’vepromisedmyself todosomethingcreative.Butartclasseswill probablybe too expensive.Besides, I know Idon’t have anytalentforit.

3.Youusethestructuretokeepoldgrievancesalive.

ED:Talktomybrotheraboutaloan?HeisoneofthestingiestpeopleIknow.He never gave anything away. I knowhe’d turnme down flat. Sowhyevengivehimthesatisfaction?

4.Whencircumstanceshavebecomepredictableinastiflingway.

BOB: This financial seminar is going to be like all the rest: I’ll getexcited,butIwon’tendupdoinganythingwiththeinformation.

DORIS:I’malwaysbrokeafterChristmas.But,hey,Idon’twanttobestingy with my family and friends. This is just one of life’s trials andtribulations.IfImademoremoneyitwouldn’tbesobad.

5.Whenthereisnojoyorsatisfactionineverydayevents:

ELLEN:Okay,Ijustgotapersonaltrainer.IknowIshouldbeglad,butIdon’t know if she’s as good as they say. I’m probably just wasting mymoney,asalways.

6.Whenthefuturejustlookslikemoreofthepast:

JOHN:Ican’teventhinkoftakingatriptoHawaiiforatleastfiveyears,giventhewaybusinessisgoingnow.Yes,IknowI’vebeensayingthatforatleastthreeyearsalready.Butit’strue!

REGINA: I’vegot toomuchtoworryaboutrightnow.Whenmylifecalmsdown,thenI’llconsiderifIreallywanttogobacktoschool.AndIcan’tseethingsclearingupforatleastayear.

Look carefully atwhat thesepeople are saying.Thepart of the structureof

knowingthatreallytripsthemupisoftentheparentheticalstatementattheend.ForTerryitis“Ihaveahardtimeaskingpeopleformoney.”ForMark“Idon’thaveanytalentforit”seemstobethemainshowstopper.Whatarethetrippingpointsfortherestofthem?Gobackandseeifyoucanspotwhat’sstoppingeachperson.Seeingisthefirststep.Butevenwhenyourealizethatyou’rebumpingintoa

structureofknowingthatisnolongerusefultoyou,it’snotalwayseasytotakeapart.Theolderyouget,themorecomplex,fine-tuned,andrigidyourstructuresofknowingcanbecome,andthemoresophisticatedtheevidenceyoumustertosupportyourrestrictiveviewoftheworld!

GENTLYBUTFIRMLYPRYINGTHEMASKAWAY

What does it take to dismantle a structure of knowing? The definition ofdismantle is: to take the cover off. One person described it as “removing themaskI’vebeenhidingbehind.”Youdon’tblowitapart.Ifyoudid,you’dgiveyourMonkeyMindthechancetogatherirrefutableevidenceaboutthedangerofthisprocess.Think of a structure of knowing as a fine old wristwatch.When it doesn’t

work, you take the cover off and look carefully to discover what’s no longerfunctioningandneeds tobeexchangedforaworkingpart.Dismantlingoccurswhenyoulookcarefullyforpatternsinyourbehavior,thenseeandtellthetruthabouthowwellthey’reworkingforyou.Consciousobservationisthekeytogoingbeyondyourself-developedlimits.

I’mnottalkingaboutanalyzingthereasonsyou’vedevelopedthestructuresthatyou’ve built aroundmoney. You just need to observe the “just so” quality ofthem,andtheywillbegintoloosenandshift.You’llgetsomebreathingroomtogoforward.As you begin to observe these structures you’ll notice Monkey Mind

demanding, insisting that your fearful thoughts, feelings, and evidence arecorrect.Itmayevenscreechinyourear:“Turnback!Turnback!You’reheadedfor trouble.”Youmaybecomeconvinced that it’s amatterof survival tokeepthingsthewaythey’vealwaysbeen.Thisismostespeciallytruewhenitcomestoyourrelationshipwithmoney.Ittakesflexibilityandcouragetodismantlewhatyouhavecreatedinlife,yet

manyheroesamongushaveseenthenecessityoftakingapartwhatthey’vebuiltso thatprogresscanbemade.YitzhakRabin, forexample,gained territory forIsrael in1967andwashailedasagreatwarrior. In1995,however,herealizedthatthelandwouldhavetobereturnedsohiscountrymighthaveachanceforpeace—andhedismantledthewarrior’sstructuretobuildalifeviewthatwouldallowhimtobeapeacemaker.TedisasuccessfulentrepreneurandYouandMoneygraduatewhodismantled

hisstructureofknowingthathehadtodoeverythinghimself.Heownedaplant-exportbusinessthatbecameextraordinarilysuccessfulafterhegotaWebsiteanddid some fantastic mailers. His business went through the roof. Up until thispointTedhaddoneeverythinghimself.Hekeptthebooks,answeredthephone,

andfilledall theorders.Whenhugeamountsofbusinessstartedcomingin,hehired three people—but he wouldn’t delegate work to them. He had to be inchargeof everything.At somepoint he saw that his insistenceon running thewhole show was keeping his business small. He dismantled his structure ofknowingbyworkingwith a consultant to develop systems for other people totakeover.Tedsaid that itwashardforhimto letgobecausehe justknew thatnoone

coulddothingsaswellashecould.Afterall,hehadstartedthisbusinessfromthebeginningandknewitintimately.Untilheletgoofthatstructureofknowingabout what it took to run a business, he could not expand. Today he has amultimillion-dollarbusiness.Anotherman,Paul,waslookingforacarandfoundthathecouldgetthesame

modelfor$8,000lessifhewenttoanothercityfivehundredmilesawaytobuyit.The problemwas, hewas convinced that he had to buy the car in his owntownbecausethedealershipwherehelivedwouldn’tberesponsivetohimifhegot the car elsewhere. Hewas about to give up the out-of-town car when hefinallysawintheCoursethatthiswasastructureofknowing.Hecalledthelocaldealershipandfoundthatthey’dbemorethanhappytoworkwithhimevenifhe’dboughtthecaratanotherplace.Healmostlost$8,000becausehejustknewthatitwouldn’twork.His experience is reminiscent of something said by English philosopher

HerbertSpencerandquotedintheAlcoholicsAnonymousbigbook:“Thereisaprinciple which is a bar against all information, which is proof against allargumentsandwhichcannot fail tokeepaman ineverlasting ignorance—thatprincipleiscontemptpriortoinvestigation.”

THETWINDOGS:PARADOXANDCONFUSION

Tomovebeyondourstructuresofknowingaboutmoney,wemustconfrontthetwinsentinelson thehero’spath:paradoxandconfusion.Often representedastwostonedogsatthedoorsofmanyBuddhisttemples,areminderthatwemustembracethesestatestogainenlightenment,paradoxandconfusionhavealottodowiththeclear-eyed,bottom-linetopicofmoney.As we dismantle old, perhaps dearly held beliefs, it’s easy to become

confused.Confusion is a state inwhich, for themoment, nothing is clear. It’suncomfortable to live with because Monkey Mind so loves clarity. Whencircumstances are cloudy or unclear,MonkeyMind panics.We feel driven tohaveourquestionsansweredandourwaysweptclearofdoubtorambiguity.That’sexactlyhowTedfeltwhenheletgoofhavingtodoeverythinghimself.

Hedidn’tknowwhetherornotthebusinesswouldcontinuetobesuccessful,orhow he would handle the natural stress of letting go of his old structure ofknowing.What I’m asking you to do as you proceedwith ourwork heremay cause

momentarydiscomfort.Youmayfeelconfusedlateronasyoulayopenandthendismantleyourmoneystructureofknowing.YourMonkeyMindmighttellyouthat you’re not going to learn anything new from this.Allow yourself to staywith your confusion.Your confusionwill actually give youbreathing room togetbeyondthethoughts,judgments,memories,feelings,andotherevidencethatyou need to leave behind. These constructs have gotten you this far, but theycannottakeyouanyfurtheronyourhero’sjourney.Also,watchtoseeifparadoxesarisewhenyoulookateverythingyouthink

youknowaboutmoney.Aparadoxisaself-cancelingstatementorthoughtthatforcesthemindintoasortoflogicalgridlock.Itseemstoturntheworldupsidedown, andwhen that happens a newpoint of viewhas a chance to appear.Atypicalparadoxwouldbeginwithastatementlikethis:Myname isMaria. I live inSacramento,California.Everyonewho lives in

Sacramentoisaliar.Now,here’stheparadox:AmIlyingaboutthis,oramItellingthetruth?How

would you know? Wrap your mind around the puzzle for a few moments.Gridlock? You bet! Zen koans produce a similar effect. Koans are teachingphrasesdesigned toproducea stateconducive toenlightenment.Youprobably

rememberthefamousquestion“Whatisthesoundofonehandclapping?”Thereisananswer,butitliesoutsidethelogicalstructurethatcreatedthequestion.Whenwe’retrappedinastructureofknowing,withMonkeyMindcranking

out logical justifications forkeepingourselveschained inplace,we’rewastingenergy.Sometimeswehavetostepoutsidelogicentirelytofindanewwayoflookingatwhatwe’redoing.Hangingoutwithopenquestionslike“Whatismylessonhere?”isnotalways

easy. We feel unfinished or incomplete until they’re answered. Nothing isdistinct and tidy,wrapped upwith a bow, thewayMonkeyMind likes it.Yetallowingourselves tositwithourquestions,confusedanduncertain,movesusawayfromthehandyanswersMonkeyMindwouldpulloutofourstructuresofknowing.Anditmakesroomforwhatweneedtoknownow.HereisabeautifuldescriptionofthisprocessfromthepoetRainerMariaRilke’sLetterstoaYoungPoet:“Havepatiencewitheverythingunresolved inyourheartand try to love the

questionsthemselvesasiftheywerelockedroomsorbookswritteninaforeignlanguage.Donotsearchfortheanswers,whichcouldnotbegiventoyounow,because you would not be able to live with them. And the point is, to liveeverything.Livethequestionsnow.Perhapsthen,somedayfarinthefuture,youwillgradually,withoutevennoticingit,liveyourwayintotheanswer.”Interesting things happen to your relationshipwith yourmental productions

whenyoudismantleyourstructuresofknowing.Youseethatit’snotwhatyouknow but how you hold what you know that makes the biggest differencebetween success and ease on the one hand, and frustration on the other. Forexample, ifwhatyouknow is“written in stone forever,”allofyourenergy inlifewillbeaimedtoproveyou’reright.A much more powerful position comes when you are willing to question

everythingyou“know”aboutmoney.Areyouwillingtoholdallyourtheoriesinasortoflivingsuspensionwhileyouobservethemandseehowtheyinteract?Ittakeslessenergythanthatrequiredinthefirstscenario,andwillbringyouclosertoyourlife’sgoals.IntheYouandMoneyCourseIcontinuallyseeheroeswhoarewillingtohang

outwithparadoxandconfusion.Onewoman,Lana,wasn’tenjoyingherjobandhadanofferinanothercity.Shewasthinkinghowgreatitwouldbejusttogetoutofherpresent jobandgetoutof town,but insteadofquitting immediatelyshewaswillingtositwiththedissatisfactionanddiscomfort.Insteadofjumpingtothenextjob,asshehaddoneinthepast,shespentsometimeallowingherselfto look at what the discomfort was really about. She was confused, but sherealized that her Monkey Mind was still the loudest voice in her head. She

observedherthoughtsjumpingfromonedecision,backtotheother,andbacktotheother.“Thisisthebest.No,thisisthebest.No,thisisthebest.”Insteadofansweringthequestion“ShouldIorshouldn’tImove?”shebegan

to ask what she was so uncomfortable about. Some very interesting answerscametoher.Onewasthatshewantedtobecomeaminister.Justgoingtoanotherjobinadifferentcitywouldhaveputoffsomediscomfort,butitwouldn’thavebroughther that answer.The second thing she sawwas that a relationship shewascurrentlyengagedinreallywasn’tworking.Shehadthoughtofinvitingthispersontomovealongwithher,butshesawthatitwouldn’thaveworked.Third,intheareaofmoney,shesawthatwiththewayshewasspendingmoneytherewasnowayshecouldgotoministerialschoolbecauseshehadnosavings.Soout of all this she saw that shewanted to stay at her present job,work out acompatibleresolutiontotherelationship,simplifyherlifeandsavesomemoney,andgotoministerialschool.Todaysheisaminister.HangingoutinparadoxandconfusionalsoworkedforacoupleIknowwho

wantedtobuyahouse.Itseemedtobeagreathouseandaperfectlocation,butwhen theyopenedescrow they started running intooneproblemafter another.Therewas a lien on themortgage that hadn’t been reported, and a number ofother issues. They began questioning whether or not this was the house theywanted tobuy.Ordinarily theywouldhavegottenveryangryand frustratedatthe process, made demands on the owner, and created a very adversarialsituation.Insteadtheysatwithitforawhile.Theyobservedtheirconfusion,anger,and

frustration without taking immediate action. Finally they saw that they didn’twantthehouse.Itwasacompromiseforthem,andtheyweretryingtomakeitfitwhattheywanted—butitreallydidn’twork.Whentheysawthat,theycouldstepback and avoid a contentiousprocess thatmight actuallyhave resulted inlitigation.Theyrentedforayear,thenfoundtheperfecthouseattherightprice.Had they pushed through, trying to force a resolution, theymight have had ahousetheydidn’twantandalegalbilltoboot.Heroesdevelopthecapacitytositwithparadoxandconfusionastheyoccur.

They do not jump to premature conclusions. Allow the amorphous space, thegap,tobethere,anddonottrytoputsomethingin itsplace.In thisspaceyoucanjourneybeyondwhatyoucurrentlyknow.

APOWERFULSHIFT

The process of creating and later dismantling structures of knowing occursthroughoutourlives.Andthemindchatterthatfiercelydefendseverystructurewecreatewillalsoattempt topreventour leavingeachone.Soas I suggestedearlier, it’s interesting to consider thepossibility that 90percent of themind’srunning commentary on our lives is not in the least relevant to ourcircumstances,andistheequivalentofamentalburp!That’senoughtomakeyouwant toshutMonkeyMindoffonceandforall.

Butoneparadoxinlifeseemstobethattheharderyoutrytomakeyourdoubtsand worries go away, the longer they stick around. If you simply allow yourfearsandworries to remain—observing them, telling the truthabout them,yetletting thembe—yourrelationshipwith theseproductsofyourmindwillshift.Theywillnolongercompelyoutodoanythingtomakethemgoaway.Insteadyoucanuse themtowakeyouupasyouproceedonyourhero’s journey.Yousee that your experiences are your personal interpretation of the situations inyourlife.Youbecomecuriousaboutyourexperiences,whethertheyarejoyful,painful,hard,orhappy.

WHEREMIRACLESLIVE

A miracle is an ordinary event that lies outside your current structure ofknowing: RainerMariaRilke oncewrote: “Whoever you are, some night stepoutsidethehouseyouknowsowell…enormousspaceisnear.”Let’sproceedintothisenormousbreathingroom!“Miracle”isawordthatseemsloadedwithportentandmagic.ButwhenItalk

aboutmiracles, I’m not necessarily referring to a religious or even a spiritualexperience.WillaCatherput itbestwhenshesaid,“Miraclesrestnotsomuchupon healing power coming suddenly near us from afar, but upon ourperceptionsbeingmadefiner,so thatfor themomentoureyescanseeandourearscanhearwhathasbeentherearoundusalways.”The potential formiracles is always around us. They are hidden fromview

onlybythewaywethinkabouttheworld.Much of what you now consider to be commonplace once seemed like a

miracletoyou,includingyourfirstbreath.Doyourememberthefirsttimeyouwere able to ride a bicycle? I do. I had been tooling around on my tricycle,watchingtheolderkidszoomhereandthereontheirtwo-wheelers.Icouldnotunderstand how they stayed up. Did they have invisible wires?Were they allgiftedwithunimaginableathleticprowess?Howdidtheydoit?Thencametheday when I got my first two-wheeler. I was nervous. How could I possiblyaccomplish that miraculous feat? I remember clearly the moment my fatherpushedme off and, amazingly, I stayed up! I felt in my body themiracle ofbalance.Ofcourse,aftera fewweeks Ididn’teven thinkabout stayingup, letalone consider it amiracle.By then riding a two-wheelerwaswellwithinmystructureofknowing.Whatwasitliketoreceiveyourfirstpaycheck?Whataboutdoingsomething

like visiting the mountains for the first time, making your first financialinvestment, or staying upright on water skis for the first time? Before youexperiencedtheseevents,youprobablythoughtyouknewwhattoexpect.Butinretrospect, it’s likely you didn’t have a clue. These eventswere awesome andwonderful.Theyweremiracles.Takeamomenttonoteothermiraculouseventsinyourlifethatnowseemordinaryorpredictable.Whenyoudiscernamiracleandinteractwithit,thescopeofyourstructureof

knowingexpandstoincorporatetheevent.Amiracleeventuallylosesitsauraof

wonderandmysteryandtakesonaqualityofordinariness.Itcanevenbecomeahabit. But if you can keep stretching your structures of knowing, there willalwaysbeanothermiraclewithinreach.

JAKE:Irememberfirstlearningtodrive.FinallyIgottotakethecaroutalone.WasIexcited! I turnedon the ignitionandsawmywhole lifeasatravelerbeforeme.ForthefirsttwoweeksI’djumpatanychancetodrive.IfMomneededgroceriesoranyerranddone, I’dbe there,eager todo it.But in a fewweeks the novelty startedwearing off.One afternoonMomaskedmetoruntothecleanersforher,andforthefirsttimedrivingacrosstownseemedlikeahassle.Thethrillwaswearingoff.Now?Itakedrivingforgranted.It’sjustameanstoanend.There’scertainlynothrillasIstartthecareachmorningformycommutetowork.

Now, if Jakewent towork for thePeaceCorps in someundevelopedThird

World country, driving a car there might once again take on miraculousproportions. Similarly, if he were to take up flying lessons, he’d probably bethrownback tohispredriving levelofwonderment.Thepointhere is thatyouhave already had plenty of miracles in your life. You undoubtedly will havemore.We’rejustgivingyouamoresystematicwayofreachingthem.Can you remember how impossible some of your accomplishments once

seemed? Having a peaceful and satisfying relationship with money is just aspossibleasanyofthoseothers.Considerthatitwillaffectyourrelationshipwithall forms of energy. It’s simply a matter of being able to move beyond yourcurrentstructuresofknowing.

MIRACLESANDTHEHERO’SJOURNEY

Livingyourlifeknowingitisahero’sjourneymoldsyoutopreparetosucceedin attaining themiraculous, and that preparation is crucial. In the story of theHolyGrail,forexample,Percivaldidn’tjustmeanderuptotheHolyGrailandnabit.Hefirstmadesurehisownhouse,hismind,andhisaffairswereinorder.He sorted out his intentions and opened himself to recognizing the signs thatguidedhis quest.His training and focus allowedhim towithstand temptationsthatmight have distracted him from his path.He thus succeededwhere otherKnightsoftheRoundTablehadfailed:hefoundtheGrailandbroughtittoKingArthur.Your journey to discovermiracles in your relationshipwithmoney ismuch

likePercival’ssearchfortheGrail.YouarepreparingyourmindtodistinguishyourtrueLife’sIntentionsfromyourMonkeyMind’sdistractingchatterasyoutradethecomfortableandfamiliarforthemiraculous.Howdoyoustayyourcourseasyouapproachmiracles?You’llrunintosome

hair-raisingmoments.Manyof theworld’sgreatest filmdirectorswill tellyouthere are often shooting days when nothing goes right. The weather turnswicked.Thecastgetssick.Theequipmentbreaksdown.Permissiontoshootataspecific location is suddenlydenied.At thesepointsMonkeyMind jumps intoaction,yelling,“Ifyouhadanysense,you’dcutyourlossesandquitrightnow.Let’s get out of here!”This is thedecisivemoment, and everythinghingesonwhetherthedirectorlistenstothechatter.The best directorsmove outside their structures of knowing, ignoringwhat

MonkeyMindsays thingsshould looklike.Theyreachfor theirvisiondespitethesetbacks—and theyput themselves in theposition toproduceamiraculousresult.Claimingyourmiracles,despitetheinsistenceofMonkeyMind,requiresbeing willing to operate outside customary reason and wander into theconfusion. Italsorequiresbeingwilling to take thingsonestepata time,withthesupportofyourfriends.Ifyou lookunderall theactivity, that’swhat themoviedirectorsdid.There

were reallynohugeheroicmoves—just puttingone foot in front of theother.Theykeptgoingsteadilyalong.MyfriendJosiedidthiswithherbookofshortstories.ShecalledmesixmonthsafterherYouandMoneyCoursetosay,“Ijustfinishedmybook,andI’msubmittingittothreeliteraryagents!IneverthoughtI

wouldgetthisfar,butI’vebeenwritingthreepagesaday,everyday,evenwhenIdidn’tfeellikeit.AtfirstIthoughtthreepagesadaywouldn’tbeenough,butthreeandahalfmonthslaterIhaveacompletemanuscript.It’samiracle.”

ISITTHEMONKEY,ORISITYOU?

Monkey Mind chatters at us incessantly as we approach the edges of ourstructuresofknowing.But sometimeswhatwehear inourmindssoundsa lotlikethe“still,smallvoice”ofinnerwisdom.Howdoyouknowifit’sMonkeyMindoryour innerwisdomcautioningyou?Let’s lookatwhathappenedwithMatt.

MATT: We’ve just been asked to submit a bid for all the finishedwoodworkinabignewhousingdevelopment.Whatabreak!Itlookslikeasurething,andmeansalotofmoneyforourshop.We’llhavemoreworkthanwecanhandleforatleastayear,maybelonger.I’llhavetohireatleasttennewexperiencedcarpenters.Wemayneedanewbookkeepingsystemand another clerical person. Hmm, I don’t know. It makes me kind ofnervous. It’ll be a lot ofwork.Don’t getmewrong. Iwant to go for thecontract.I’mexcited,butthinkingaboutitmakesmyheadspin.

Matt needs to adjust hisway of life to dancewith thismiracle because it’s

outside of what he currently knows and does. The prospect is a little scary.Doingwhatyouknowfeelssafer.MonkeyMindgetssoraucouswhenyoupushoutsidethefamiliar!Thealternative,though,isnoexpansion,whichcouldleadtostagnation.Yourdreamsaremuchbiggerthanthat.Howdoyouknowwhattodo?Thereare twoways to tellwhether it’sMonkeyMindoryour innerwisdom

whisperinginyourear:1.Whenit’sMonkeyMind,yourbodygetstight.Yourmindfeelsoverheated.

Youhaveasenseofworryanddoubt.Itfeelsasifyoursurvivalisatstake,andyoumustdosomethingimmediately.2.Learntodiscernthedifferencebetweenwhatisvalidandwhatisrelevant.

Matt’sanxiety,doubt,andworryarevalid.Byvalidwemeanthattheyarerealandgenuine.It’spossiblethat,withhiscurrentstructureofknowing,hecannotdeliveronsuchabigproject.Sincehe’sneverdonesuchabigjobbefore,hehasnoproofthathecanpullitoff.Hisconcernsarelegitimate.Theyarereasonablegiven his current structure of knowing. Now comes a different question. IsMatt’s internal dialogue relevant? That is, does it have a direct bearing on

whether or not he should proceed toward grasping this miracle? Maybe not.Lookatthefollowingquestions:

a.ShouldMattwaituntilhisthoughtsandfeelingssubsidebeforehesubmitshisbid?Probablynot.Nomatterwhat’sgoingoninsideofhim,somethingneedstobedonenowifheistogoahead.b.Is thischatterasuresignthatsomethingiswrongwithhis intelligenceor

ability? No. It is a normal response to considering a big step. Everyone hasactiveinternalvoicesduringsuchtimes.Still,it’sinterestingthatweoftenthinkthatthereissomethingwrongwithusbecausewehaveanxietyorfearatanewopportunity.c. Will the intensity of this chatter ever diminish? Maybe it will, but it is

always ready tocomeback.Chattermay resumewhenMatt isagainpoisedattheedgeofhiscomfortzone.

Sometimes seeing that it’s allMonkeyMind chatter doesn’t help.You stilldon’tknowwhattodo.Whatdoyoudothen?FirstyoulookandseeifwhatyouareabouttodocorrespondswithyourLife’sIntentions.OneofMatt’sIntentionswas“tobefinanciallysuccessful.”Obviouslythisnewjob,whichwouldexpandhisbusiness,wasrelevant to that.Nexthe lookedatwhetherornotexpandinghis businesswith this contractwas in keepingwith his Standards of Integrity.AmonghisStandardswere“creative”and“adventurous.”Goingforthiscontractcertainly reflected these two qualities for him. At that point he could see thechattermoreclearly.Hedecidednottowaitforittogoaway.Hesawitasvalidbutirrelevant.Hetookthebigstepandappliedforthecontract.Mattalsohiredabusiness consultant to help him with the expansion. They awarded him thebusiness.Dancing with your Life’s Intentions and Standards of Integrity, instead of

Monkey Mind, provides opportunities for miracles. Look at the differencebetweenamiracleandanopportunity.Anopportunityisanauspiciousopening.It combines circumstance, timing, and place to produce conditions that arefavorableforaparticulareventoraction.Opportunitycanincludeeventsthatarepredictable,notrequiringastretch,asin:“Haveyouhadtheopportunitytoreadthis morning’s paper?” Some of these events can be boring or evencommonplace. Miracles, though, are events that show up in the opening thatopportunitycreates.Theyarenotanextensionofthepast.Andtheyfillyouwithwonderandawe.

You begin to see miracles everywhere as you dismantle your structures ofknowingaboutmoney.Evenreadingthisfarhasundoubtedlystartedthatprocessforyou.

Exercise:YourStructureofKnowingMoneyThisexerciseisdesignedtomakeyourstructureofknowingaboutmoneyclearto you. Remember, conscious observation is the key to going beyond yourparadigm.Tocontinueyourjourney,youmustknowwhereyoustandrightnow.As you do this exercise, you are beginning to dismantle your structures of

knowing.Remember,thisisanontological,notapsychological,process.Ithasnotsomuchtodowithanalysisaswithobservation.Asyouwriteyouranswers,youwillnoticeashiftinthewayyouseemoney.Youwill need several poster-size pieces of paper, some colorful felt-tipped

markersorpens,andasmoothsurfaceonwhichtowork.Makesureyouareinaplacethat’squietenoughforyoutoconcentrate.Giveyourselfanhourforthisprocess.Ifyoulike,breakyoursessionsintonolessthantwentyminuteseach.Takeoneofthepiecesofpaperandlayitonaflatsurface.Imaginethatthis

paper forms the edges of a large box or structure. You are about to revealeverythingthatgoesintoyourstructureofknowingaboutmoney,andyou’lldoit by using a simple mind-mapping technique developed by a writer namedGabrielleLusserRico.Writetheword“money”inthemiddleofthebox.Now,usingoneconsistent

colorthroughout,startwritingdownyourassociationswiththisword.Dothisbydrawing linesmoving outward from theword “money.”An association is anywordorphrasethatpopsintoyourmindwhenyouthinkofmoney.You may find that these new words have associations or connections with

otherwords,aswell.Writethosedown,too,allowingoneideatoflowfreelyintothenext.Whenyourunoutofassociations,returntoyourbaseword,“money.”Seeifanythingelsecomesup.Dothisquickly.Thisisnotimeforanalyzingorediting.Ifyourundry,seeifthefollowingphrasesstimulateanymorematerial:

1.WhatitwilltakeformetohaveallthemoneyIwant2.WhatIknowIamrightaboutregardingmoney3.WhyIwantmoney4.WhatImustgiveuptohavemoney5.WhatIthinkandfeelaboutotherswhohavelotsofmoney

6.Howhavingmoremoneywillchangemylifeorthelivesoflovedones7.WhatIwillbeabletodowithmoremoneythatIcannotdonow

Youmayrecallpoemsorsayingsthatremindyouofmoney.Bookormovietitlesmaycome tomind,orquotes fromtheBibleorother religious texts.Putthem on this structure of knowing map. Attach them to any item that seemsappropriate.Whenyouhavefinished,youwillhavesomethingthatlookslikeabigwebor

net.Someassociationswillbeclusteredwithlotsofdescriptivelanguage.Otherswillstandalone.Getouttheotherfelt-tippedcoloredpens.Usingonenewcolor,circlewords

thatgetrepeatedoraresimilarintoneormood.Forinstance,aretheresomethatpoint tohowhard it is tomakeagood living?Are there themesofbitterness,resentment, confusion, excitement, or pleasure?Use a different color for eachtheme.Dootherkindsofenergy,suchaslove,health,creativity,self-expression,andspiritualwell-being,getmentioned?Ifnot,couldtheyeasilybesubstitutedfortheword“money”inthemiddleofthepage?Thispicture,withallofitsassociationsandcolors,isagraphicrepresentation

ofyourcurrentstructureofknowingaboutmoney.Itisyourpersonalmodelofhowmoneyoperatesinyourlifeandthewayyouseeitintheworld.Youcouldlistmanymoreassociations.However,theworkyouhavedonehereisenoughtogiveyouahandleonwhatmoneymeanstoyou.Thisstructureaffectsyoueverytime you read an article onmoney, go to an investment course, or listen to alectureonprosperity. It serves as a filter asyou try tomakeauthentic choicesaboutyourgoalsanddreams.Placethismap,withallyourworkonit,whereyoucanseeitforatleastthree

days.Thisispartoftheobservationprocess.Ifafewmoreassociationsoccurtoyou during this time, add them. If you see more themes, circle them with acolored pen. Show this structure of knowing to a friend or someone elsewhoknowsyouwell.Talkwiththemaboutitasyoupointoutthepatterns.Thiswillalso aid in your ability to observe, or bearwitness to, thewayyourmindhasdesignedyourrelationshipwithmoney.Keep notes on what you discover about you andmoney. Ask yourself: “Is

thereapatterntomythoughtsaboutmoneythatlimitsmyoptions?AsIlookatwhat Iwrote, are there itemsaboutwhich I feel righteousordefensive?Am IwillingtoconsiderwhatitwouldbelikeifIdidnotholdtightlytothisbelief[orthought,memory,orbodysensation]?”Noticeyouranswers.Are thereaspectsofthisstructureofknowingthatyouprefertokeep?Istheresomehope,joy,or

enthusiasmpeekingoutatyou?Writeaboutthisaswell.Trystandingbackatleasttenfeetfromthissheetofpaper.Doesthisshiftyour

experienceofthestructureofknowing?Doesthereseemtobealotofenergyinyourcreation?Doesitseemtodissipateasyoulookatthestructureovertime?Writewhatyounotice.Youmightplaceareddotnexttoanyitemsthatcontinuetomakeyoufeeluncomfortableoranxious.Placeabluedotnexttothoseitemsthatmakeyoufeel joyfulorpeaceful.Theywillbeuseful lateraswecontinuethedismantlingprocess.Asyouobserveyourmoneystructureofknowing,I’mgoingtoaskyoutodo

somethingverydifferentwith any tensionor feelingsyoumight have. Just letthembethere,justastheyare.Imaginethatyouhaveabasketonyourlap.Puttheminthebasket.Breathe.Don’tdoanythingwiththem.Whatdoyounoticeabout this? You may think this is a very simple thing to do, and that it’sinsignificantorirrelevant.ButIpromiseyouthatifyoudothisoveraperiodofseveraldaysyou’llbedesensitizingyourselftothoseelementsinyourstructureofknowingthatareuncomfortable.Asamatteroffact,you’llbemakingthemso familiar that they will begin to lose their charged energy. It will beincreasinglyeasiertostepbeyondthem,towardthemiraculous.Finally, notice within two weeks of doing this exercise if you see some

miraclesinyourrelationshipwithmoney.Isbreathingroomorclarityshowingupinasituationthat’sbeenworryingorbafflingyou?Whatisit?Bespecific.

Exercise:DismantlingThroughAuthenticActionThere is another way to shift your relationship with your money structure ofknowing. It consists of deliberately doing something that runs counter to howyouknowyouusuallyoperate.Thismaynotbeeasy,andyourmindchattermaygetloudevencontemplatingtheactionsbelow.Butifyouarewilling,proceed.DonotwaitforyourMonkeyMindtostop.Youwill need your notebook to jot downwhat you discover.The timeyou

takeforthisexercisevaries,dependingonwhatyouchoosetodo.Choose one or more of the following actions. Take them within the next

seventy-twohours.

1. For three days, resolve to pay for everythingyoubuywith cash.Donotselect those days when you pay your monthly bills. Is there a shift in your

experienceofmoney?Whatisit?Doanynewthoughtsorfeelingsarise?2. Put all your credit cards (including gasoline cards) in a placewhere you

cannot easily get to them for oneweek.What do you experience even as youthink about doing this? Is your Monkey Mind chattering? (Are your teethchattering?)Doitanywayandwriteaboutwhatyoufind.3.Thenextthreetimesyougogroceryshopping,put10percentofwhatyou

justspentinthecharityboxthatisusuallyatthecheckoutcounter.Writeaboutyourreactionstohavingdonethis.4.Tellsomeoneyouknowandtrusthowmuchmoneyyoumakeeachmonth.

Makesureitissomeonewhodoesnotalreadyknow.Thisneednotbesomeoneyou work with. The norms in your organization may prohibit this sort ofdisclosure.Whomeveryoutalkto,tellthemyouaredoingthisasanexperiment.Whatdoyouexperience?

Thesearenottrivialacts.Theyaredesignedtohelpyoupasstheboundariesofwhatyouknowaboutmoneyinyourlife.Writeyourreactionsinyournotebook.Youareincreasingyourabilitytoobservehowyourrelationshipwithmoneyiswiredup.

BECOMINGENLIGHTENED

A paradox occurs when you consciously observe what you are experiencing.Whatever you look, see, and tell the truth about begins to lose its emotionalcharge.Thisiswhatclearingawayyourthoughts,beliefs,andideasmeans.“Mostpeoplethinkofenlightenmentasakindofmagicalattainment,”writer

DavidCoopertellsus,“astateofbeingclosetoperfection…butformostofus,enlightenmentismuchmoreinlinewithwhatSuzukiRoshidescribes.Itmeanshavingaqualityofbeing,afresh,simpleunsophisticatedviewofthings.”Thekeytofindingmiraclesinyourlifeistodevelopyourabilitytorecognize

andbenefitfromthem.TheBuddhistscallit“beginner’smind.”Youcanenjoyits gifts at any age. To approach our lives with beginner’s mind is a majorbreakthrough in how we experience the world around us, and this certainlyincludesourrelationshipwithmoney.In thisrespect,weareworkingtowardacertain levelofenlightenment.Weareclearingaway the thoughts,beliefs,andideasthatcloudourabilitytoseethingsastheyreallyare.

PRINCIPLE8

Itmayseemoddtoyouthatforgivenesshasanythingatalltodowiththeenergyof money. Forgiveness releases the energy that’s bound to judgments andassessmentsofpeopleforwhattheydidinthepast,whetherdistantorrecent.It’sa bit like splitting the bonds of an atom, and the net effect ismovement andpoweronyourpath towardyourdream.Youwillmovemorequicklyonyourpathifyouforgive.Whenyouforgivesomeone,youdismantleyourstructuresofknowingabout

himor her.You lay downyourweapons and armor andproceedonward.Youlightenup. If ever therewereanactof courage, this is it.AsLaurenceSternesaid:“Onlythebraveknowhowtoforgive.”I use as a foundation for this exercise three questions on forgiveness that I

learned from Father Gerry O’Rourke. At the time, he was the EcumenicalOfficer for the Archdiocese of San Francisco and a priest at St. Philip theApostle Catholic Church. Father O’Rourke has made it his business to teachpeoplehowtoforgiveothers.Ilearnedfromhimthatforgivingfromyourheartis possible evenwhen yourmind insists that there are reasons not to forgive.With immense gratitude, I have taken his view of forgiveness and adapted aprocessthatincludesthosequestions.Theyappearlaterinthischapter.

THEPOWEROFLETTINGGO

Forgiveness occurs when you systematically lay aside conclusions you havereachedaboutotherpeopleand themotivations for theiractions. Itbeginsandendswithyourownstructuresofknowing.Mostofusareconfident thatwhatweknowaboutothers isaccurate.This isespecially truewhenwe’reangryordispleasedwiththem.Socialpsychologistswilltellyouthatit’sinstinctualforusto attribute negative intentions to the behavior of others, especially when wedon’tlikewhatthey’vedone.Whenyou forgive someoneyoudon’tnecessarily forgetwhatheor shehas

done.Aswe’ve seenearlier,wecan’t easilydirectourminds to stopor avoidthinking about an incident in the past. Forgetting isn’t necessary, or evenadvisable.Peoplecandohurtfulthings.Therapists’officesarefilledwiththosewhohavetriedtoblankoutpainfulportionsoftheirlives.It’softenimportanttorememberdistressingincidentsandtimesforourcontinuedgrowthandhealing.What I’m really talking about when I refer to forgiving someone is

dismantling the negative assessment we have about him or her. Forgivenessoccurs when you are willing to let go of what you have said about anotherpersonbecauseofwhattheydid.Toforgive,youmusttaketwobigsteps:First,youmust lookdirectlyatyourevaluations, judgments,andcatalogued

scenariosabouttheperson.Youtakestockofthethoughtsandfeelingsgoingoninside youwhen they come tomind, and you examinewhat you have said toyourselfandothersaboutthem.Second, you must become willing to relinquish the permission you give

yourself toentertain those thoughts, feelings,andjudgmentseveragain.EverytimeyouhearMonkeyMindwhisper,“Buthereallyisajerk!”yousay:“Thanksforsharing,butIhavealreadyforgiventhisperson.”Three components of forgiveness make this courageous act accessible to

everyone,nomatterhowtheyfeeltheyhavefailedatpreviousefforts:

1.Forgiveness is lettinggoofnegativestructuresofknowing thatyouhavecreatedaboutanotherhumanbeing.2.Forgivenesscomesfromyouressence—whoyouare inyourheart. It isa

productofbeingwilling.3.MonkeyMindtakeslongerthanyourhearttocatchon.Justbecauseitstill

chattersatyouabouthowawfultheotherpersonisdoesnotmeanyouhavenotforgiventhem.

WHATWESAYABOUTOTHERS

Begin your act of forgiveness by answering the following questions: Whomwouldyouneedtoforgiveinordertohaveapowerfulrelationshipwithmoney?Whomdoyousecretlyblameforyourmisfortunes in life?Whomdoyouholdresponsible for your money problems? The answer is not “me”! Resist thetemptation to blame yourself or to fall into the trap of thinking that you haveconsciouslychoseneverything thathashappened toyou.This isno time tobenoble, self-effacing, or co-dependent. Tell the truth.Who do you feel did youharm?Whathasheorshedone?

MARIANNE:Mymother was never very independent. She stayed homeand took care of us kids. Shewasn’t enthusiastic aboutmy going to lawschool.Ithinkshewasjealous.Ifshehadencouragedme,lawschoolmighthavebeenaloteasiertogetthrough.

MITCH:Mybusinesspartnerhasn’tkepthispartof thebargainoverthepastthreeyears.NowI’mruined.Ifitwasn’tforhim,thisconstructioncompanywouldbesolventtoday.NowImighthavetoletgoofthewholeoperation.Andit’sallbecauseofhim.Hehasruinedmyhopesofbeingasuccessfulbusinessman.

Thesepeoplehaveplentyofevidencefortheirassumptions.Asyoulistento

theirstories,youmightbetemptedtoagreewiththemaboutthecharacterofthetransgressor. You could add insights of your own about the nature andmotivationsof thosewhohurt them.Wealldo this,whether it isat thedinnertableorthecoffeeroomatwork.Butlet’slookalittleclosertoseewhat’sreallygoingonhere.Ruinedmyhopes…shatteredmydreams…crampedmystyle…jealousand

dependent…theseareallstructuresofknowing.Theyaremetaphorspermeatedwiththoughts,feelings,attitudes,statesofmind,pointsofview,andmemories.You can almost sense their weight and feel how much energy is invested indevelopingthemandkeepingthemalive.Thesestructuresarealsobeingusedasreasons, justifications,orexcusesfor

the speakers’ failures or broken promises. From what you’ve already learned

about structures of knowing, you can see that it’s time to dismantle them.Aslongasthey’reinplace,theirownerswillbesittingbythewayside—somethingnoneofuswantstodo—insteadofadvancingdowntheirpathswithgreaterease.The structures of knowingwe just sawwere negative, pointing to the other

person’s shortcomings. They carry the speaker’s sense of finality, evenresignation, about the situation. We call these structures of knowingcharacterizations.

WHATISACHARACTERIZATION?

Whenyouformacharacterizationofanotherperson,youseethemthroughthegrid of your assessments and judgments. This produces a two-dimensionalexperience of them and keeps you from seeing them as fellow humans. Theyappear to you as the cartoon outlines of what you perceive to be theirshortcomings.Characterizationsdon’tchangetheotherperson.Infact,theonlypersonthey

deeplyaffectisyou,becausetheycontributetothedrivenbehaviorinyourlife.Whenyouascribeyourbehaviortowhatothershavesaidordone,asin“Iwouldbe more successful if my parents had only…,” you keep in place the samebehavioryoufear,despise,orotherwisewanttodeny.Thisapplieswhetherthebehaviorthatkeepsyoudowninvolvesmakingbadbusinessdecisions,choosingpoorinvestments,lettingagreatopportunityslipby,orgettingintopartnershipsthatdonotwork:

DON:OfcourseIdon’tknowhowtomanagemoney.Afterall,mydadwasagambler.Hespenteverythinghehad.Nevertaughtusanythingaboutmoney,excepthowtoloseit.Thatwashisgift!

Your characterizations limit both the way you can interact with others and

yourmemory of them. They keep the two of you tied together in a way thatstunts your growth and theirs, and they’ll even affect your growth when thepersonisnolongerinyourlife.Howdowedevelop these limiting and rigid characterizations about others?

Let’s say you’re in a relationshipwith your friendElise. Elise rushes into thehouseonedayandknocksoveryour favoritevase,whichbreaks into adozenpieces.Sheapologizesandoffers to replace it,butMonkeyMind,notingwhatshe did,won’t let it go. It chimes inwith comments like “You know,Elise isnice,butshe’sreallycareless.Notonlythat,butshe’sunconscious.Lookattheway she just swooped into the roomanddestroyed that great piece of art.Noquestionaboutit,she’sanaccidentwaitingtohappen.”Once it’s offered this assessment, your mind acts like a magnet, attracting

examples from the past of when Elise did anything similar. Labels like“careless” and “unconscious” and “accident waiting to happen” are powerful

mental constructs. They’re actually decisions to see the other person in aparticularway.Oncewe’vemadedecisionslikethis,wegatherotherdecisionstopropthemup.ThisiswhatImeanwhenIsaystructuresofknowingbegintotakeonalifeoftheirown,unbeknownsttotheircreators.When Elise comes over twoweeks later, she opens your refrigerator and a

glassbottle thatwasbalancedprecariouslyat theedgeofashelf tipsandfalls,makingamess.MonkeyMindspringsintoaction.“See?Iwasreallyrightabouther,”itsays.“She’satotalklutz,andshe’scarelessandunconscious.”Themindcontinues tocollectdata tofleshout thestructureandprove itself

correct.Itgathersincidents,names,dates,andplacestohangontheframe.Youstart toseeahostofotherbehaviorsor incidents that irritate,hurt,or frustrateyou.Asin:“Yeah,andcometothinkofit,shedidthisbefore.She’salwaysinsucha rush, she justdoesn’t lookwhere she’sgoing.Youknow, she’s a lousydriver,too.Andshe’ssoforgetful!Idon’tknowhowmanytimesI’veseenherleaveherpurseinarestaurantandthenknockoverpeoplewhensherushesbackintogetit.Rememberthetimeshe…”Thecharacterization isaMonkeyMind-initiated/createdpatternofunrelated

incidents.Overtimethecharacterizationofthepersonbecomesmoreandmoredetailed,andanythingthatdoesn’tfit—likeElise’skindnessorhighenergyandenthusiasm—falls out of the grid. The characterization becomes increasinglytwo-dimensional, and like the villain in your favorite novel, it comes to life,hauntingyourwakinghoursandpoppingupunexpectedlyinyourdreams.Characterizationsarecontagious.Whenyoudescribetheoneyouhaveabout

Elisetootherswhoknowher,theymaystarttoagreewithyou.Theymightevenaddtheirownstories.Theycallouttoeveryonetojoinin.DuringtheYouandMoneyCourse,whenaparticipanttalksaboutsomeonewithwhomheorshehasagrievance,everyonegetsangryfor them.If theobjectof thecharacterizationweretoentertheroomatthatmoment,almosteveryonetherewouldreactcoldly—eventhoughthey’dnevermetthepersonbefore!Finally,andthishappenstoallofus,wegettothepointofrelatingonlytoour

characterization,ratherthantotheperson.Itisalonelyprospect.Wedon’twanttobearoundhimorherbecausewecannottoleratebeingpresentwithourownnegativethoughtsandfeelings.Itistoouncomfortable,mostlybecauseitisnotwithin our Standards of Integrity to keep such characterizations alive. It’s notthatwedon’tlikewhotheyare;wedon’tlikewhoweareinthepresenceofthatperson.Ournegativitybecomesourburden.HowdoesallofthisaffectElise?Sheknowsyou’renothappywithher.She

maynotknowwhy.Becomingwaryorwearyaroundyou,Elisemayavoidyou,sensingthatallisnotwell.Thisisnotablueprintforempoweringrelationships!

Theprocessofformingcharacterizationsisquick,almostreflexive.Youcan’t

stop yourself from doing it. Everyone has structures of knowing about otherpeople.Butwhileyoucan’tkeepthethoughtsfromarising,youcanobserveandtellthetruthaboutthem.Youcanbewilling,ifonlyforamoment,toseeyourcharacterizationsasirrelevant.Butwhenyougiveuppermission todancewithyourcharacterizations, they

no longershapeyou.Asyouforgive,youstop theprocessofbeing trapped inwhatyoufearanddislike.Youliberateyourselffromtheholdtheoldstructureshadonyou.Youbecomeyourownperson.Andyoureleasethepeopleyou’veforgiventocontinueonwiththeirownlives.

FORGIVENESS:AUTHENTICACTIONFORTHECOURAGEOUSHEART

Through forgiveness you get in touch with who you are in your heart. Yourmovement toward forgiveness is first expressed as being willing to forgive.Remember,beingwillingisthemostpowerfulAuthenticActionyoucantake.Themomentyouarewilling,youareabletodrawadistinctionbetweenyour

MonkeyMindandyourheart.Youmaynotwanttoforgive.Youmaybeafraidtoforgive.Manythoughtsandfeelingsmaycoursethroughyourbodyandmindasyoucontemplatelayingasideyourmostcloselyheldbeliefs.Butevenwithallthesepotentialdiscomforts,beingwilling transcends themental andemotionalstuffofourminds.Itisapowerfulstandtotake,albeitsomewhatscary.That’sbecausewe’rethenoperatingoutsideourstructuresofknowing.Forgiving someone feels vulnerable. For example, youmay not knowwhat

would happen if you forgave a person who stole money from you.Would itmakeyouliabletogetrobbedagain?AsoneparticipantintheYouandMoneyCourseputit:

SYDNEY:IfIforgivemybusinesspartnerforwhathedid,doesthatmeanIgivehimlicensetodoitalloveragain?

Of course you don’t. We are talking about forgiving, not forgetting. If

someone steps on your foot, forgiveness does notmean feigning amnesia andstickingyourfootoutagaintowaitforareplay.Asyouforgivetheotherperson,you are simply relinquishing the permission you give yourself to use theirbehaviortoprovethatheorsheisanunthinking,unconsciousjerk.Youmaystilltellthem:“Thathurtme!Ididn’tlikewhatyoujustdidonebit!”Butyougiveuptherighttousetheactiontodehumanizeordemonizethem,ortoprovewhatarottenpersontheyareandhowthey’veruinedyourlife.Forgivenesshappensatthemomentyouarewillingtoforgive.Itstartsinthe

metaphysical domain and moves into the physical one very quickly. Themetaphysical domain is timeless. Themoment you declare you arewilling toforgivesomeone,theyareforgiven.That’sit!Nolagtime.Itisdone.Nomagicalformulastoreciteoverandoveragaininhopesthatyouwillfinallyforgivethepersonor situation.Nothing toworkon.Theanswer to thequestion“Areyou

willing to forgive thisperson?” iseither“Yes”or“No.”Answers suchas“I’lltry,”“Maybe,”“Ithinkso,”and“Yeah,Iguess”arereally“No”sinconvincingdisguises.

MONKEYMINDNEEDSTIMETOCATCHON

Forgivenessrequirespatience,nodoubtaboutit.MonkeyMindwillwantyoutocontinue talkingabout“that awfulpersonwhooffendedyou.” It takesawhileforyourmindtocatchupwithyourheartwhenyouengageinforgiveness.Yourheartforgives—andthenyourMonkeyMindsetsinonceagainwithalitanyofalltheterriblethingsit’scollectedtoprovetheotherperson’sfailings.What doyoudowhenyourmindwill not stop?Answer it in the following

way:“Thanksforsharing,butIhavealreadyforgiventhisperson.”Whateveryoudo,don’tfightwithMonkeyMind.Actwithcompassion.This

aspectofyourbrainhasbeenprogrammedovertheyears.Reminditthattheseold,habitual thoughtsareno longer relevant,andafterawhileyouwillnoticeyourmindbeginningtoloosenitsgrasponthem.Itwillbecomequieter.ItwasarelieftomewhenFatherO’Rourketaughtmetherolethemindplays

inforgiveness.Ihadforgivenpeopleinthepastbutthenheardmymindjumpingintolisttheirfaultsonceagain.IworriedthatIhadfailedatforgivingthem—butitwassimplynottrue.You have the ability to forgive.You knowhow to look at, see, and tell the

truthaboutyourstructureofknowingandthenletitallgo.TheonlyquestionisAreyouwilling?Mostofusnotice loudMonkeyMindconversationsaboutourselves.People

haveaskedmewhethertheyneedtoforgivethemselvesbeforetheycanforgiveanyone else, and the answer is no. If you look at your characterizations ofyourself, you will find that ultimately you hold others responsible for your“faults.”Thisistrueformostofus,evenwhenwethinkwehavealreadytakenresponsibilityforourownshortcomings.Andevenifthatwerenottrueforyou,forgivinganotherpersonismuchmore

powerfulandfar-reachingthanforgivingyourself.Forgivenessallowsyoutoletgoofthetiesthathaveboundtheotherpersontoyouinanegativeway.Indoingso,yousetthemfreeandtakeastandthatyourjudgmentsaboutotherswillnolongerweighyoudown.Oneoftheoldestspiritualteachingsintheworldisthatasyouforgive,youwillbeforgiven.Since forgiveness isanactofgenerosity, the result isoften far-reachingand

occasionallysurprising.OnewomanintheYouandMoneyCoursehadawell-developedcharacterizationofhersister:

MARILYN: I just knew my sister was childish and irresponsible. She’dowedme$800foratleastfiveyears.Shedidn’tgiveanysignsthatshewasgoingtopayitback.Ididn’twantto,butIsawthatIwaswillingtoforgiveher—toletgoofallthethingsI’vesaidaboutherinthepast,tomyselfandothers. One week after forgiving her, the strangest thing happened. Shecalledme to talk.About tenminutes into theconversationshesaid,“Youknowthat$800Ioweyou?I’dliketobeginpayingyoubacknow.IcanseeI’vebeenirresponsibleinlettingitgoforsolong.”Evenstrangerwasmyownreaction.Iwasthankfultogetthemoney.Butitwouldn’treallyhavemattered if she’d paid me back or not. I felt like we were getting closeagain,likeintheolddays.

DidsomethingmagicaloccurthemomentMarilynforgavehersister?Ordid

her sister just call Marilyn and sense that something had shifted in theirrelationship?Didthatshiftmakeitobvioustohersisterthatitwastimetotakecare of the incompletion? To Marilyn it was a miracle, outside her formerstructureofknowing.Whetherornotitaffectedthedebt,forgivinghersisterhadahealingeffectonbothofthem.

FORGIVENESSISYOURBUSINESS

Peopleoftenask,“ShouldItellsomeonethatI’veforgiventhem?”Thinkaboutit foramoment. If Iwalkedup toyouandannounced,“Ihave forgivenyou,”whatwouldyourprobableresponsebe?Right.Somethinglike“Whatfor?”Youmightfeeldefensive,becausetoexplainwhatI’veforgivenIhavetopullupalltheelementsofmyoldcharacterizationofyou—theoneI’dsworntoletgo!Announcing how I’d forgiven you could convey my hidden agenda. The

unspokenmessagemightbe“You’rea terriblepersonwhodidhorrible things.You need to be forgiven because you were such a jerk to me, and I’m justprovingwhatagoodpersonIambyforgivingyouinspiteofitall.”That’swhywegetahollowfeelingin thepitofourstomachswhensomeonetellsus theyhave forgiven us. We may feel a moment of guilt for some unknowntransgressionthatweareabouttoberemindedof.Resentmentfollows.It’spureMonkeyMind.Thebottomlineisthatitisirrelevant,andamistake,totellsomeoneyouhave

forgiventhem.Afterall,forgivenessisbeingwillingtoletgoofwhatyouhavesaid about someone. It does not require even a single word from them tocompletethisprocessandbringyouasenseofclosure.

MEG: I rememberafterforgivingmybrother, Ihadanoccasion tohavedinner with him. After a few moments of embarrassed silence, I foundmyselfaskingforhisforgivenessforallthetimesIhadbeenmeantohim!Hewassosurprised.Hestartedtocry!

Occasionally someone will ask about forgiving a person who has been

physically or emotionally violent with them or a loved one. It can feelthreatening or dangerous to let such a person off the hook. Remember thatforgivenessdoesnotmeanforgettingorrationalizingawaywhattheyhavedone.Itinvolveslettinggoofacharacterizationofthemthatyouhavecreatedandareholdingonto.Thatletsyouoffyourtreadmillofgrievances—butitdoesn’tputyou in danger. It doesn’t ask that youput yourself in harm’sway. Indeed, theprocess of forgiveness may help you understand how certain people can behurtfultoyou.Anditcanmakeyoucompassionatelyawareofhowyoucanbehurtful to others. This increased awareness allows you to be clearer in your

interactions with the person you have forgiven. You need not stay in closerelationshipwiththem,andyouneednotrun.If youwant to getmore than yourmoney’sworth from this book, practice

forgiveness regularly. Notice how this affects your personal and businessrelationships.Areyoumoreenergizedasyougoforyourgoals?

THEPOWERTOFORGIVE

Itisempoweringtoknowthatyoucanforgiveothers.Inourheartofheartswewant to be complete with everyone. It is amuch easier road to travel. Beingcomplete simplymeansknowing that all iswell.Theydid and saidwhat theydid,andsodidyou.Toforgiveistoreleasetheregretsofwhatisinthepast.Itisto know what it is to be who you really are, no longer using past hurts ormisfortunesasanexcuse.Forgivenessinvolvestwoelements.First,youmustforgivesomeoneprimarily

forhisorher sakeandonly secondarily foryours.Youmustbewilling to seethatyouhaveheldtheminyourmind,roastingonaspiritualspitforwhattheydid.Youmustbetiredofthedynamiccreatedbyyourgrievance.Second,youmustbe in touchwithyourcharacterizationof theotherperson

instead of brushing it off or trying to forget it. You will need to see yourjudgments, evaluations, anger, disgust, resentment, fear, and all othercomponentsof this structureofknowing.Why?Youcannot letgoofanythingunlessyouareawareofit.When you are ready, experience the way forgiveness releases you. It will

createthebreathingroomthatallowsyoutolookandseethesupportiveenergyofotherpeopleallaroundyou.Thiswilleaseyourwaytowardyourgoals.

ForgivenessExercisesThefollowingexerciseswillhelpyoupracticeforgiveness:

EXERCISE1:STEPPINGTOWARDFORGIVENESSYouwillneedyournotebookandtentofifteenminutesofquiettime.Chooseadreamoragoalthatyouhaven’tyetattained,oneyou’veheldonto

foralongtimethat’sbeendeartoyou.Itcouldbeadreamthatyou’vediscardedlatelybecauseyouthoughtitwouldnevercometrue.1.Write down aword or two that describes your dream in themiddle of a

pieceofpaper.Then,usingthemind-mappingtechniqueyoulearnedearlier,startlookingatallyour reasons, rationalizations,orexcuses fornotcompleting thatdream.Listallthereasonsyoucan.2. Look at your reasons. Can you think of one or more people who’ve

contributed toyourdifficulties?Writedownwho theyareandwhathappened.You might say, “My dad was a put-down artist who undermined my self-confidence,”or“MyuncleJoewouldn’tgivemealoanformyeducation,soIdon’thavethecredentialsIneed.”Lookforthepersonorpeopleyoublame.Wasit a teacherwhowascruel?Oryourbrother, the family star,whogotwhatheneededatyourexpense?Thisisnotimetolookgood.Listthepersonorpeopleyoufeelstoodinyourwayorcausedyoutogetderailed.Saywhattheydid,orfailedtodo,foryou.Don’tworryaboutbeinguncharitable.Justbehonest.3.Whatdoyoufeelasyouwrite?Isthereheavinessinyourchestorgut?A

lack of breathing room?Anger or frustration?Nomatter how youmanage todisguiseyourtruefeelings,whenyouareinthesameroomwiththatperson,oreven hear their name, the feelings you have now are always present. They’rerightoutfront,orburiedjustbeneaththesurface.Thisisdefinitelynottravelinglight.4.Ask yourself: “If this personwere never inmy life,would I have gotten

whatitisIsayIwant?WouldIbefreeofallthesereasonsandexcuses?WouldIbesuccessful?WhatwouldIbedoingwithmylifethatI’mnotdoingnow?”If you’ve made your mind map and don’t locate any people you deem

responsiblefortheconditionofyourthwarteddream,lookdeeper.Forexample,ifyousay,“OneofthereasonsthatIhaven’tgonetoTahitiisthatIdon’thaveenoughmoney,” lookunder that statement for the reasonwhy.What’s causingyounottohaveenoughmoney?Youmayhavetogobackthreeorfoursteps,butI guarantee that you will eventually trace your reason to the personality ofanotherperson.Maybeitwasthatyourmomnevershowedyouhowtomanagemoney.Maybe itwas thatyour fatherwas stingywith themoney thathehad.Butallowyourself togobackuntilyoulocatethepersonorpeoplewhomyoureallydeemresponsibleforthingsbeingthewaytheyare.Ittakescouragetodothis.Howdidyoufeelasyoudidthisexercise?Share

whatyoufoundwithafriend.Remember,whenyouforgiveanotherpersonyouceasetousewhattheydid

as the reason that your dreams and goals failed to materialize. Throughforgiveness, you are waiving the right to use what they did against them oryourself.Asforgiveness replacesnegative judgmentsandassessments,yourstoriesor

scenarios about howdifficult it is for you to dealwith that person fade away.Younolongerspendtimetalkingwithothersaboutthatperson’scharacterflawsandhowmuchtheyhurtyou.Thismaynotbeeasy.Irememberonewomanwhosaid,“IfIcan’ttalkabouthowrigidandselfishmymotheris,I’mafraidIwon’thave anything to say to my brothers and sisters when we’re together at

Thanksgiving!”Onceagain,whenyougiveupyourcharacterizationsyou’renolongershaped

by them. One consequence of holding on to your limiting decisions aboutanotherpersonisthatyoumayturnoutexactlylikethem.Youknowthisistrue.You have seen it in yourself and others. You wake up one morning to findyou’vebecomelikethepersonyoublameforyourmisfortune.Youcanhearitinyourvoiceorinthewordsyouuse.Conversely,releasingothersreleasesyoutobesuccessful.Nomorereasonsor

excuses!If you wish to go on, try the exercise in forgiveness that follows. It is

powerful,andfreeing.

EXERCISE2:THEFORGIVENESSPROCESSYouwillneedyournotebookandaquietroom.Partofthisexerciseinvolvesaneyes-closedprocess.Ask a friend to read thepassage toyou, or tape-record itandplayitback.Thisexercisewilltakeaboutfortyminutesthefirsttimeyoudoit. You will find that you’re experiencing a practice effect and that futureexperienceswiththisexercisemaytakeaslittleastenminutes.FatherO’Rourkesays he can go through this process himself in one minute. He can see acharacterizationinitsearlystagesandnipitinthebud.1.Identifysomeoneyouarereadytoforgive.ByreadinessImeanthatyou’re

intouchwithallyourfeelingsaboutthem,thenegativeaswellasthepositive.Sometimesthisishardforusbecausewewanttosuppressournegativefeelings.Butchoose,asthefirstpersonyouforgive,someoneaboutwhomyouhavewell-developedjudgments,evaluations,andassessments.Beginwithsomeonewhoisnot a parent. You might start out with someone you hold responsible for aspecific thwartedgoalordream,orapersonwhohasirritatedyoulatelyat theoffice,athome,duringasportsactivity,orduringafinancialtransaction.You’rejustlearningtodothis,andstartingwithsomeonewhoissimplertoforgivewillgive you a feeling of success. Please allow yourself to have that. Take thatpositiveexperienceandletithelpyouwiththemoredifficultcasesinyourlife.2. Take a clean piece of paper and draw an oval that fills the entire sheet.

Next,putthatperson’snameontopoftheoval.Thisfigurenowrepresentsyourcharacterizationofthatperson.3. With a pen or pencil, fill the oval with all of the thoughts, feelings,

judgments,andattitudesyouhaveaboutthem.Writesmallifyoumust,butputeverything on that oval. For example, were they thoughtless, dishonest,hypocritical? Where did they drive you or others crazy with their behavior?

What are their character flaws, as you see them? Take your time and leavenothingout.Beaspicky,unmerciful,andderisiveasyoulike.Someoneonceaskedme,“Whydragupallthisoldstuff?It’spainfulandI’d

ratherforgetit.”Theanswerissimple:Ifyouarerememberingitrightnow,itisstill there insideyou, festeringaway,andmaybe it’sbeen therea long time. Itneedstobeputonthatpaperwherethelightofyourawarenesscanshineonit.Ifyouseeitandacknowledgeityoucanconsciouslyletitgo.Tryingnottolookatitwillonlykeepitaroundlonger.Whenyoudenyyourgrievances, theyaffectyou profoundly, and themore you try to push themdown, themore powerfultheybecome.Please take amoment and realize that you have taken a big step in healing

yourrelationshipwithhimorher.Rememberthattheactofobservingisthefirststeptowardenlightenment.Asyoulookoverwhatyouhavewritten—andIhopeyouhavefilledupyour

wholepage—seeifyouhaveleftanythingout.Addwhateverisnecessarybeforecontinuing.Whenyouhave finished,write: “Andeverythingelse.” It signifiesthatyouareincludinganythingyourMonkeyMindmaycreateinthefuture.4.NowI’dlikeyoutoaskyourselfthethreequestions.Again,youcandothis

by prerecording your voice or by having a friend read the questions to you.Allowyourselftopause,graspthequestions,takeamomenttogetintouchwithyourtruefeelings,andthenanswer.Youmayfeelawholevarietyofemotionsasyougothroughthisexercise.Thesefeelingsarenaturalandhaveprobablybeenthere forquiteawhile.Just let thembe there.Youdonothave todoanythingwiththemexceptgiveyourselfroomtoexperiencethem.Theanswertothesequestionsiseither“Yes”or“No.”Remember,a“Maybe,”

“Ithinkso,”“I’lltry,”oranyothervagueorqualifyinganswercountsasa“No.”Qualificationsdonotcomefromyourheart.Iftheyoccur,itisasignthatyouarenot yet ready to forgive that person.But be aware that youmayneed to haveroomtosay“No,I’mnotwillingtoforgivethisperson”beforeyoucanhavethespacetogiveanauthentic“Yes.”Herearethewordstotheguidedmeditation,toberecordedorreadtoyouby

anotherperson.Thedotsinthetextindicatepausesofaboutthreeseconds.Thetextisalsoavailableinmy“EnergyofMoney”tapeseries,availablethroughtheSoundsTruecatalogue:

Sitinanupright,yetcomfortableposition.Placeonyourlapthatpieceofpaperonwhichyouhavewritten all yournotes about thepersonyouaregoing to forgive. Now close your eyes … Let your hands rest on thepaper … As you do, you might be able to feel the energy from that

characterizationsheet.Inyourmind’seye,placeanemptychairaboutthreefeetinfrontofyou,

facingyou…Inyourmind’seye,lookatthehorizononyourright.Allowyourself to see thepersonwho is there foryou to forgive coming towardyou…Let themsit in thatchair in frontofyou…Howdo they lookasthey see you? Do they appear worried or wary? Do they seem sad orconcerned? As you sit in front of them, feeling the heat from thecharacterizationsheetcomingthroughyourhands,you’llhearmeaskyouthreequestions, theanswer towhichiseither“Yes”or“No.”Takeadeepbreath…Ifyounoticeanyemotionscominguprightnow,justallowthemtobethere…Nowanswerthefollowingquestionstoyourselfasyouhearmeaskthem.1.Areyouwillingtoforgivethispersontotally?…BythisImeanare

youwillingtoletgoofeverythingyouhavewrittenonthatsheetofpaper,andeventhingsyouhavenotwritten,notkeepinganypartof itfor later?Areyouwillingtoletthemoffthatspityou’vehadthemroastingon?Areyou willing to let go of the chains that have bound them to you in thisway?…Youmaynotwantto,maynoteventhinkyouknowhow,butareyou nevertheless willing, from your heart, to let this person off thehook?…Onceagain,areyouwillingtoforgivethispersontotally?Answersilently,“Yes”or“No”…2.Areyouwilling toforgive thispersonabsolutely?…BythisImean

areyouwillingtogiveupyourfavoritestoriesandscenariosaboutthem—the things you say again and again about how they are and how thataffectedyou?…Thistakesalotofheartandcourage,becausethesestoriesandscenarioshavehadalotofjuiceforyouinthepast.Areyouwillingtogiveuppermissiontousethem,eitherwithyourselforwithothers,asthereasonyouhavenotachievedyourgoalsanddreamsinlife?…Whenyouhear yourself about to use one of these stories, are youwilling to say toMonkeyMind, “Thank you for sharing, but I have already forgiven thisperson”?As you do that, you’re drawing a distinction betweenwho youreally are in your heart and Monkey Mind… So, once again: Are youwilling to forgive this person sitting in front of you absolutely? “Yes” or“No”…3.Areyouwilling to forgive thispersonunconditionally?…Nowand

forever? … Are you willing to give up permission to entertaincharacterizations of them, not just now, but forevermore?…This personmaydowhattheyusuallydo,whichhasupsetyouinthepast…Butyouare hereby giving up permission to use what they do or say to form

characterizations of them … In answering this question “Yes,” you arewillingtoseethatforgivenesshasnothingtodowiththispersonhimselforherself…Ithaseverythingtodowithwhatyousayabouthimorher…So,onceagain,areyouwillingtoforgivethispersonunconditionally?Answer“Yes”or“No”…Whetheryouhaveanswered“Yes”or“No”toanyofthequestions, the

fact youhavebrought this person to sit in front of you says that you arewilling for some healing to take place between the two of you … Wesometimesneed room to saynobeforewecansayyes…Asamatteroffact,whether you said “Yes” or “No,” your heart is open to them.Theremaybesomethingyouwanttotellthemfromyourheartrightnow…Thisperson ishere foryourightnow.Sowhat I’d likeyou todo isopenyourheartandjust tell themeverythingthat’sthereforyoutosay.Sayitallasthough you may never see them again. (Pause for fifteen seconds.) Andnow,becausethispersonissittinginfrontofyou,theremaybesomethingstheywanttotellyoufromtheirheart.Justbewillingtohearwhattheyhavetosay.Givethemroomtosayit.Justlisten.(Pauseforfifteenseconds.)Ifthereareanyquestionstowhichyouanswered“No”thatyouarenow

willingtoanswer“Yes,”allowyourselftodoitnow.Ifnot,justletitbe…Inyourmind’seye,youcanhugthatpersonorshaketheirhand.Isthere

somethingelsethatyouneedtowhispertothem?Sayitnow…Thetruthis, they didwhat they did, and so did you.That’s just theway it iswithhuman beings. Allow yourself to know that all is well. They had theirthoughts and you’ve had yours…Now watch that person stand up andwalkawayfromyou.Astheywalkaway,doyounoticethattheyturnandmaybe even wave to you? Does their face look lighter? How do youfeel?…Justletthemdisappearoverthehorizonagain.Andastheydo,justallow yourself to sit here with your eyes closed … Take another deepbreath…Woulditbeallrightwithyoutodiscoverhowcourageousyouare,and

thatalliswell?Nowgentlyopenyoureyes.Takethepieceofpaperinyourlapandtear

itup,thenthrowitaway.Tocompletethisexercise,washyourhands.Thissymbolizes that you have finished with this process, no matter how youanswered the questions. Literally and figuratively, you’re washing yourhandsofit.

Ifyouhavebeenworkingonthisexercisewithafriend,orifyouarewithagroupofpeople, take some time to talk aboutwhatyouhavegotten from thisexercise.Ifyouhavedonethisalone,writedownwhatyouhaveseen.Youmaystillhave“No”answersforoneormoreof theabovequestions.If

thisisso,askyourselfwhenyouwouldbewillingtodothisexerciseagain.Apersistent “No”might indicate that some specific counseling on thematter isneeded.Aboveall,thisisatimeforcompassionforyourself.If you have answered “Yes,” what do you see? Is there an opening for a

conversationwiththatpersonthatwasnotpresentbefore?Doyounoticeashiftinyourenergylevel?Ifso,whatisit?Learning to forgive is an ability that, with practice, will become easier for

you.Atthesametime,you’llbecomemoreandmoreawareofpeoplewhomyouhavenotyetforgiven.Thisawarenesswillstickwithyouuntilyouactuponitandhealtherelationship.Finally, youmay discover after doing this exercise that it’s time for you to

makecontactwiththisperson.Istherealetteryouwanttowritetohimorher?Aphonecallyouwanttomake?Laura,inmeetingwithhermotherafterdoingthisforgivenessprocess,madeapointoftellinghermomeverythingsheappreciatedabout their relationship. She said the going was rough at first but she wasdeterminedtoletthispersonknowwhatagoodmothershehadbeen,evenwithalltheirdisagreements.Attheendofaboutfiveminutes,hermotherinterruptedher.LayingherhandonLaura’sarm,shesaid,“WillyoupleaseforgivemeforallthethingsIdidthatmadeyouunhappy?Ijustloveyousomuch.”Payattentiontowhatyoudiscoveraboutyourrelationshipwithmoneyasyou

movethroughtheforgivenessprocess.Youmayhaveasensethatasyouforgivethepeopleinyourlifeyouhavemoreenergytoactuallypursueyourgoals.Andinfreeingupthatenergy,youtravelwithmoreeasedownyourhero’spath.

PRINCIPLE9

Inthischapteryou’lllearnmoreabouthowtodancewiththeenergyofmoney.As the result of doing the work thus far, youmay see that dreams that haveseemedbeyondyou are beginning to take shape.You are starting to see themmore vividly. Just seeing your life in newways allows energy to flow towardwhatyoulongfor.Youbegintodancewiththeenergiesaroundyou.Whenyoudanceyoumove toarhythm,and there’sarhythmto theenergy.

Yourlifehasitsownrhythm.Energyflowsthroughyou,sometimesbrisklyandsometimes in a slow and somewhat sluggish way. You are a moving, living,breathingconduit,butyou’rereallymorethanthat.Aconduitmerelytransportsenergy from one place to another. You have the ability to direct this energyintentionallysothatyoucreatewhatyoutrulywant.Indoingthis,youco-createthedanceofenergy.

THEJOYOFKEEPINGPROMISES

IntheBible,KingDaviddancedtowardthetempleoftheArkoftheCovenant.Thehero’sjourneyisnotatrudgeoraforcedmarch.Itisanimatedandjoyful.AsGeorgeBernardShawsaid,“Irejoiceinlifeforitsownsake.Lifeisnobriefcandle tome. It is a sort of splendid torch,which I’ve got to hold up for themoment,andIwanttomakeitburnasbrightlyaspossiblebeforehandingitontofuturegenerations.”Thepromisesyoumakeinlifestartyoudancingwiththejoyofthat“splendid

torch.”Thepromisesyoukeepwillensurethatyoukeepdancing.Apromiseisyour word, whether spoken or implied, cast forth into physical reality. It’s acovenantyoumakewiththeworld.Itsays:Thisshallbedone.Whenyoumakeapromiseyousetupanenergyimbalance.Thinkaboutthis

foramoment.Let’ssayyoutellyourbestfriendyou’lltakehimorhertodinnernextWednesdaynightasabirthdaypresent.Noticethatyoucreateatension,theexpectationof somethingyet tobedone.Whenyouput yourwordout beforeyou,youcreateagapthatcanonlybeclosedwhenyoudowhatyousaidyou’ddo.Nowimaginethatit’sWednesdayandyou’reatdinnerwithyourfriend.Seehowthetensionresolves?Theenergyfieldisnowbalanced.The energy dance that keeps us moving on our path involves creating and

resolvingimbalances.Whenweproduceagapwe’repulledforwardtocloseit.ThisisoneofthereasonsIaskedyoutomakeaTreasureMapforeachofyourgoals.Themap’sgraphicandcolorfulrepresentationofyourpromisekeepsyoumindfulof thegap.Themore it is inyour consciousness, themore likelyyouwill engage inAuthenticAction toachieveyourgoal.At thatpoint, the rift isclosedandyoumoveontocreatethenextone.

BROKENPROMISES

Weoftenneglect toconsider theeffectofnotkeepingourpromises.Whenwedon’t do what we said we’d do, we’re left with the tension of incompletion.Unfulfilledpromisesareenergydrainsbecause,MonkeyMind’swarningstothecontrary, we expend more energy keeping open a gap than we do when weresolveit.Eachunfulfilledpromisedrawsenergytoitandbecomesablocktotheflow.

Itsapsyourpower.Youbecometoophysically,emotionally,andevenspirituallytired,andhavenoenergyforthedance!Interestinglyenough,itdoesn’tmatterwithwhomyoumadeyourpromise:

ALEX:Well,whenIsayI’lldosomethingforsomeoneelse,Iusuallydoit. I just don’t keep promises I make tomyself. Like about saving for avacation next year. I haven’t begun yet. I always think of myself last, Iguess.

Letthisbeawake-upcall.Theuniversedoesn’tcarewithwhomyoumadethe

contract.Not keeping yourword to yourself is still not keeping yourword. Itproducesthesamegap.It’snomorelaudablethanfailingtokeepapromisewithanyoneelse.Brokenpromisesoftensoundlikethefollowing:

•You’ve sworn to get your income taxesdonebyFebruary everyyear, butthereyouwereat11P.M.onApril15,sweatingoutwhetheryou’dmakeittothepostofficeontime.• You vowed, with all the resolve in the world, to put aside money every

monthforavacation.Andhowdiditgo?Lookslikeyou’llbeusingthecreditcardsagainthisyear.•Youpromisedyourfamilyyou’dcutbackonyourworkhours,butyourkids

havestoppedbelievingyou,oraskingyoutocometotheirballgames.

We’re now going to do somework to help you fulfill the promises you’vealreadymade.It’sgreattodothisphaseoftheworkwithagroup.Ifyouarenot

working with a You andMoney support group, try to find at least one closefriendwithwhomyoucanshareyourobservations.Indoingthiswillyoubecomeaclearconduitfortheenergyofmoney?Atthis

point in the journey, it’s important to know that the bridge between you andfinancialmiraclesisbuiltfromthepromisesyoukeep.Unfinishedbusiness—thatpile of unpaid bills, forgotten loans,missed appointments—weighs you down.Your stepbecomesheavy.Butkeepyourword regardingmoneyandyougaintheenergytobringyourdreamsfromthemetaphysicalintothephysical.When you are traveling light, miracles just seem to occur all around you.

That’swhatwillhappenasyoudo theworkof thischapter.Eachpromiseyoumakegoodonbytakingcareofincompletebusinesswillclearyourconduitandallowmoney energy to power your dreams. I know this works. I’ve seen theresultswiththousandsofpeople.

BEINGACONSCIOUSCONDUITOFENERGY

Imagineapipethat’spluggedintoahugelakeoffresh,clearwater.Thepipeisdesigned to take this water from the lake to a garden, where it nourishesbeautiful flowers—but it has tobeoperated carefully. If it’s openedwide, andletsafloodofenergythrough,everythinginthegardenwilldrown.Similarly,ifitdoesn’tallowenoughenergytopass,whateverisgrowingwillwither.We are like the pipe, and the lake is the unlimited amount of energy in

metaphysical reality.Whereas the amount of energy around us is infinite,wearen’t!Wearedesignedtochannelalimitedamountofenergyduringourlives.Wehavealimitedamountoftime,physicalenergy,creativity,andevenmoneytoworkwith.Countlesspeoplehavebeenfrustratedbecausetheydon’tunderstandthisidea.

Inourculturewehavebecomeconfused,lookingtotheinfiniteenergysupplytogetusoutofthemesseswecreateinlife.Thesupplyisinfinite.We,ontheotherhand,havebeendesignedtocreateinphysicalreality,withallitsconstraints.Soour access to the supply isnot infinite. The hero’s purpose is to discover justhow much he or she can create by infusing energy into this limited, densephysical realm. The myth of Prometheus, who brought fire to earth, is theclearest example of bringing energy from the metaphysical into the physicalrealm.That’stherealadventure!When we depend on an infinite supply of energy to “rescue” us during

difficult times, we’re actually fostering our own unconsciousness. We wastewhatwe’vegot,ratherthanuseourresourcesonwhat’simportanttous.Wegetcaughtupinseekingtoearnmoreandmoremoney.Wemaythink,“There’slotsmorewherethatcamefrom!WhyshouldIbeconcernedwithwhereit’sgoing?AllIneedtodoismake(orprayfor)more.”

On the other hand, toomuch of the energy ofmoney can drown ambitious

goals,ormakethemwaterlogged,aspeoplewhohave inheritedgreat financialwealthoftenreport.We’llcoverthislaterinthischapterwhenwelookatwhatIcalltheIcarusSyndrome.Ourtaskinlifeistobecometheverybestconduitpossible.Tolearnhowwe

can do this, let’s look first at what hinders us from being clear conduits ofenergy.Lookatthediagramabove.Here’swhathappenstomostconduits inphysicalreality:Afterawhile they

develop “sludge” in the formof debris.Sooner or later, impediments blockorlessentheflowofenergy.Theseblockagesofmoneyenergycantaketwoforms:

1.Old,worn-outmodesofthinkingaboutmoneythatusedtoworkwhenwewereyoungerbutnolongerapplytoourselvesortoourlives2.Incompletemoneybusiness:promisesfromthepastthatwehaven’tkept,in

areas such as paying back loans, delivering on contracts, or making good onagreements. This includes not doing thatwhichwill bring ease into our lives,such as having a will, appropriate insurance, little or no credit-card debt, asavingsaccount,andthelike

Asthis“financialcholesterol”buildsup,theamountofmoneyenergythatwecanconductdwindles.Thepressureonourconduitincreases.Wefeelfrustrated,pressured. We need breathing space. The frustration you experience in beingpowerfulwithmoneyisdirectlyproportionatetotheamountof“moneysludge”

you’vebuiltupovertheyearsthatneedstoclearaway.Laterinthischapterwewillconfrontyourfinancialbuildupinagentle,yetdirectway.Ifyoufollowthesteps I suggest, your frustration will lower. You’ll energize your goals withclarityandease.Something else happens with conduits. They spring leaks.We leak energy

whenever we use it unconsciously.Wemay receive energy, but before it canbegintonourishourdreams,it’sdiverted.Howdoesthatlookwiththeenergyofmoney?

1.Unconsciousspending,asingoingtothemallwith$40inyourwalletandfinding that you have $15 left at the end of one hour, without rememberingwhereitwent2.Buying itemsoutof“habit”whetherornotyoureallyneedorevenwant

them,suchasmagazinesubscriptions,videoclubs,andgroceriesyoubuy“justincase”3.Wastingmoney, such as being overinsured, or insisting upon the deluxe

versionofaproductwhenyoureallydon’tneedallthefeaturesitoffers

Weinstinctivelythinkthatmoremoneyenergywillsolvetheproblemsofourleaksandblockages.That’swhenwestartprayingtowinthelottery,ortoinherita surprise $10million. But if those blocks and leaks aren’t fixed, the suddeninfusion of money energy only turns up the pressure, and the conduit failsaltogether.

LEAKSANDBLOCKS

Leaks or blocks in our conduit of money energy siphon off its power. ThesestoriesfromYouandMoneyparticipantsshowhowthiscanhappen:

STUART: I sell airtime for commercials on a local radio station. Mymonthly take-home pay? Five months ago, I was supposed to get a 10percentraise.Notlookingatmypaystubs,Ijustassumedithadbeenaddedtomy paycheck. Preparing formy taxes, I found that due to a computererror I had not received the raise. In addition, therewas an unauthorizeddeductionbeingtakenfrommycheck.Thishadgoneonforsevenmonths!

MIRIAM:I’mthedaymanagerofasupermarket.Itakehome$2,314amonth.Foryears,I’vebeenavoidingbalancingmycheckbookbyroundinguptothenearestdollar.ThatwayIknowI’mnotoverdrawn.Aspartofthiscourse,Ibalancedmycheckbooktothepenny.Iwasamazedtofind$785thatIdidn’tknowIhad!Thatisthegoodnews.Thebadnewsisthattwomonths ago I passed up going on a cruisewithmy best friend because IthoughtIdidn’thavethemoney.

CAROL: I’ma school principal. Imake$3,800 amonth and I don’teverseeit.It’sgoneafterafewdaysandagainI’mwaitingforthefirstofnextmonth.My credit cards are charged to the hilt. But I can’t bear thethoughtoftakingthemandcuttingthemup.IknowI’musingatleastone-sixth ofmy income in interest payments alone, yet the thought of beingwithout those cards panics me. I mean, what if I need them in anemergency?

Ineachofthesestoriesthepersonisexperiencingtheconsequencesofmoney

leaksandblocks.Everyoneofthemhas,knowinglyorunknowingly,tiedupagreatdealofenergyintheworry,anxiety,andgeneraluneasinessthatgoeswithnotbeingfullyconsciousaboutmoney.Knowingthesolutionstotheirproblemsisn’tdifficult.Youcouldprobablymaketwoorthreesuggestionstoeachpersonthat would get them out of their personalmoney swamp. If you are likeme,you’vebeeninthatswampafewtimesyourself,oryouarethererightnow.Andyouknowhoweasyitistoremainstuck,evenwithhelpinplainsight.

Thesepeople’scourageintalkingaboutwheretheywereleakingorblockingmoneyenergywasthefirststepintakingAuthenticAction.

THEICARUSSYNDROME

We’vetalkedaboutunblockingtheconduitandclosingleaks,butwhataboutthepossibilityofinundatingthegardenanddrowningourgoalsanddreams?Ittakesskill andwisdom to handle any form of energy in a powerfulway. The earlyGreekmyth of Icarus reflects this. Icarus learns to fly like a birdwithwingsconstructed by his father. In the flush of his newfound power, he ignores hisfather’swarningandfliestooclosetothesun.Thewaxonhishomemadewingsmelts,andheplungestoearth.Wehaveapresent-dayequivalentof this in the livesofpeoplewhowin the

lottery,orinherithugefortunes,onlytofindthattheheatofthisnewenergyismore than they can handle.Maybe they go on a buying frenzy that lasts foryears.Or theygivemoneyaway leftandright,discoveringafterayearor twothattheyhavenomoneylefttopaytheirowntaxes.Canyoube absolutely certain that, given theopportunity, youwouldn’t fall

victim to the Icarus Syndrome?We all read newspaper articles about familiesthataresplitapartwhenbigsumsofmoneyaresuddenly introducedinto theirmidst. Without clarity and focus to handle this energy, greed, anger, andresentmentcanstraineventhemostvaluedrelationships.Onemanwhoinherited$750,000fromanuncletoldhisstoryintheYouandMoneyCourse:

ALLEN:“Ijustwentcrazy.Iboughtallkindsoftoys:acar,aboat,aJetSki.Younameit.Ihadhuge,expensiveparties.Ievengavemoneyawayinobviouslybadbusinessdeals. I thought themoneywouldneverrunout. Ialsofeltguilty,likeIdidn’tdeservetohaveit,sowhynottrytogetridofit?IfinallycametomysenseswhenIhadabout$200,000left.Iwenttoafinancialplannerandmadesomesoundinvestments.Itwaslikecomingoutofanosedive.”

Clearingyourconduitcanhelpyouhandlewhateveramountofmoneyenergy

isavailabletoyouwithoutdrowningyourgoalsanddreamsontheonehand,ordeprivingyourgardenofenergyontheother.

CLEARINGTHECONDUIT

Theworkwe’reabouttodoismundane.Ilovethatwordbecauseitcarriesthesenseof“oftheearth—oftheworld.”Clearingawayunfinishedmoneybusinessisyourchancetogetyourhandsdirtylikeagardenerinhisorherfavoritepatchofearth.Itwillmoveyououtofyourmindandintophysicalreality.Yourenergymight drop a little as you look at the incomplete details of your life, but takeheart. You’re removing the blocks that have diverted your energy so you canfocusonwhatyoureallywantinlife.Incompletebusinessinyourlifedrawsenergybecauseyouhavetoexertforce

tokeep it suspended inanunfinishedstate.Asyoudo that,youbecome tired,concerned,andpreoccupied.There’snowayyoucangofullspeedaheadwhenthepastisclaimingsomuchofyourattention.Butwhenyoushiftyourenergyandfinishwhat’sbeenleftundone,amazingthingshappen.Anarchitectoncetoldmethatshehasasurewayofgettinganewcontract:

Shedoesathoroughjobontheonesshealreadyhas.

ELLEN: You know that old saying about Nature abhorring a vacuum?Works forme! If Iwantanewproject, all Ihave todo ismakesure I’mthoroughlyfinishedwithwhatI’malreadyworkingon.Thenotherprojectsseemtoshowup.Isitmagic,ordoesthishappenbecauseI’mfreertolookatnewpossibilities?Idon’tknow.Ireallydon’tcare.I’mjustgladitdoes!

Payingattentiontothedetails,andkeepingpromises—eventhesmallestones

—issomethingsuccessfulpeopledointuitively.WritersGayHendricksandKateLudeman found thatwhen they interviewedbusiness leaders forabook,everyperson, no matter how far they had to travel, showed up on time. Thesesuccessful people showed immediately that they took themselves, and others,seriously.Andtheymadeitapointtokeeppromisesinallareasoftheirlives.Asyoumightimagine,theirenergywasfullypresent.Trying to focus on your dreams when you’ve got a dozen untended

commitmentsfloatinginthebackgroundisliketryingtoplayaninspiredgameofsocceronafieldthat’sfulloftrash.Youspendsomuchenergytryingtokeepyourfooting that there’snowaytodoyourbest. Ifyou’veeverhadanunpaidloan,forexample,youknowhowwaryandworriedyoufeelasyoutrytoavoid

yourcreditor,evenifit’sarelativeordearfriend.Andanytimeyouthinkaboutthem,youfeelyourselfbeingpulleddown:

TONY:UncleAlex loanedme$5,000aroundeightyearsagoso Icouldfinishcollege.Ihaven’ttalkedtohimaboutrepayingit.Ijustdon’thavethemoneyyet.Besides, everyThanksgivingwhen I seehim, it’shard to talkwitheveryonearound.Lastsummerheinvitedmetohisbeachhouseforafamily reunion. I’vewanted togo there foryears!Twodaysbefore IwassupposedtogoIgotsick,andIhardlyevergetsick!Imissedtheparty!

WouldTonyhavegottensickifhehadn’tbeenharboringsomuchworryand

tensionabouttalkingtohisuncle?Hisillnessmayhavehadnothingatalltodowithhisunpaidloan,butyoucansensethedis-easehefeelswherehisuncleisconcerned.Hemayneverknowiftherewasanyconnectionbetweenhisgettingsickandhisunfinishedbusinesswithhisuncle.Butwedoknowthatifhehadcleareduphispastobligations,hecouldhavegonetothefamilygatheringandhadawonderfultime.Many of us expect that our relationship with money will always be

burdensome, and we see that weight around our necks as a natural state ofaffairs.Ourloadofunfinishedmoneybusinessgoeswithuswhenwegotothebanktoapplyforamortgage.It’stherewhenweplantogoonvacation,orlookatretirementplans,orsaveforourchildren’seducation.Andthatheavyburdenisusuallyheldinplacebyresignation.MonkeyMindsays,“There’snothingyoucandoaboutit.Everyonehassometroublewithmoney.”MonkeyMindiswrong.Youcanexperience the truepowerofmoney!This

happens when you complete unfinished money business, both personal andprofessional. That unblocked energy will then flow toward your goals. Ipromise!

INCOMPLETEMONEYBUSINESS

Completingyour incompletemoneybusinessclears thefield foryou tohaveamuchsimpler,moreconstructiverelationshipwithmoney.Allowyourself tobewilling todo the following exercises.This is a choice

that requires heart and courage. Your mind may find reasons for you to staywhere you are. Remember that such advice isn’t malicious—it just expressesMonkeyMind’s fearof change.AndMonkeyMind isperfectly content to seeyoudoingthesamethingoverandoveragain,expectingdifferentresults.Now,though,youknowyouarebiggerthanMonkeyMind—bigenoughtoopenyourlifetomiraclesandtheflowofmoney’senergy.MonkeyMindmightalsoobjectthatI’maskingyoutobenitpickyinclearing

upyoursmall,aswellaslarge,incompletemoneybusiness.Thiscancomeup,forinstance,whenyoulookatbalancingyourcheckbooktothepenny.However,consider this: If you want to learn how to deal effectively with large units ofenergy,youmustpracticebeingconsciousof thesmallunits. In fact, themoreconsciousyoubecome,themoreyouwillbedrawntomakecompletionsinlife.UrsulaLeGuinwroteofthisinAWizardofEarthsea:“Asaman’srealpower

grows,andhisknowledgewidens,everthewayhecanfollowgrowsnarrower,untilatlasthechoosesnothing,butdoesonlyandwhollywhathemustdo.”Some of the items I ask you to deal with may not seem to have simple

solutions.Don’tworry.Justbegin.Takeonestepatatimeandtheanswerswillcome.Theyalwaysdo.AttheendofthischapterI’llhelpyouwithsomeofthethorniestproblemsthatleadustoleaveourmoneybusinessunfinishedandourpromisesunkept.

Exercise:TakingCareofBusiness—AnInventoryYouwillneedyournotebook,yourStandardsofIntegrity,yourLife’sIntentions,andyour list of theSymptomsofMonkeyMind.Giveyourself about anhourandahalftogothroughthisinventorycompletely.

PARTONE:THEINVENTORY

You are about to see where unfinishedmoney business is siphoning off yourlife’senergy.Asyoulookatthefollowinglist,readeachitemcarefully.Whatisyourimmediatereaction?Writedownyourdiscoveriesbeforeyoudoanythingelse.Ifyouseethatanitemappliestoyou,lookatyourStandardsofIntegrityand

Life’sIntentions.Askyourselfthisquestion:“WhatamImoreinterestedin,myMonkeyMindconversationsormygoalsanddreamsinlife?”Usethisquestiontomeditateonanyinternaldialogueaboutwhyyoushouldn’tbother tohandlethisitem.Whenyoufindanitemthatappliestoyou,writedownwhateveristrueabout

it.Justthefacts.Bespecific.Forexample,ifitem5relatestoyou,listthecreditcard(s),theirinterestrates,andhowmuchisowedoneach.Go through the list now, noting any areas where you might find some

unfinishedbusiness:

1. Is your checkbook(s) balanced to the penny? For some of us that’s noproblem,butitdrivessomeofustotears.Itmayseempickyandinsignificant,butit’snot.Whenyoubalanceyourcheckbooktothepenny,youarebalancingtheenergyofmoney—aswellasenergyinotherareasofyourlife.Rememberthehologram!2.Doyouhaveadequatecar,health, fire, theft, anddisaster insurance?Ask

yourselfthisquestion:“IfIdon’thaveinsurance,amIdoinglifethehardway?Am I putting myself at risk so that if something happens to me or mybelongings,I’llhavetoputallofmymoneymakingenergyintoanareathatI’veneglected?”3.Doyouhaveawillor revocable living trust?Youmaynot feelyouneed

these,andthat’sfine.Buthavingtheminplacecanpreventhalfyourestatefromgoing to probate taxes, instead of to your loved ones, after you die. If you’reincompletewiththisitemyoumightgetalittlewrenchinginyourheart,orfeeluncomfortablewhenyouthinkaboutit.4.Doyouhaveadurablepowerofattorneyifyouneedone?5.What’syourcredit-cardsituation?Doyouhavehighbalances?Thatform

ofdebt is onequick andeasyway todrainoffmoney’s energy.Pay themoff.YoumaywanttodowhatmanyhavedoneintheYouandMoneyCourse:takeyour credit cards and freeze them in a blockof ice in your freezer.Having towaitfortheicetomeltcutsdownontheimpulsetousethecard.6.Haveyouputoffhavingmedical,dental,oreyeexams?Youmayfeelthat

youdon’thavethetimeormoneytoinvestintakingcareofyourself.Ifthat’sso,

please reread the chapter on driven behavior! You must take care of yourconduit.It’stheonlyoneyou’vegot!7.Inwhatconditionisyourcar?Pictureit inyourmind’seye.Doyouneed

newtires,bearings,orbrakes?Isitleakingalotofoil?Haveyouputoffrepairs?Doyouhaveanyunpaidparkingorspeedingtickets?8.Haveyoureturnedallyourrentedvideosandyourlibrarybooks?Haveyou

paidupallyourduesandfees?9.Ifyouhaverealestateproperty,areyoupayingyourtaxesontime?10. If you’re a professional in a field such as counseling, do you have

malpractice insurance? You may think it’s unnecessary, but many who weresurprisedtobesuedwilltellyouthatit’sveryimportant.11. Do you owe peoplemoney that you haven’t arranged to pay back in a

systematicway?Look at all the areas of your life.Do you owe your family?Friends?Co-workers?Boss?12. Do any friends, family, or co-workers owe you money they have not

arrangedtopaybackinasystematicway?13. Do you need to return any borrowed items? This could be anything:

jewelry,gardenequipment,books,clothes,etc.14.Areyourfinancialrecordsinorder?Aretheyaccessibletoyou,andnotin

amesssomewhere,likeashoebox?15. If you bill for your services, is your billing done and on time?Do you

havealotofaccountsreceivable?16.Areyouchargingenoughforyourservices?17. Are you giving your children the allowance you promised? Are you

teachingthemtohandlemoney?18. Is your desk in order? Your closet? Your garage? One woman I know

cleaned out her desk. She’d been shoving unopened stock reports there fromsomestockgifted tohermanyyearspreviouslybyadeceaseduncle.Openingthenotices,shefoundthatthisstockhaddoubled,andthendoubledagain.Shehad$45,000morethanshe’dknown!19. Have you repaid your student loans?Many people find that once they

bring their student loans up to date, it becomes easier for them to collect themoneythat’sowedtothem.20.Haveyoubegunanaccounttopayforyourchildren’seducationifyou’re

planningtohelpfinanceit?21.Areallofyourhome repairsup todate?Doyouhave leaky faucets?A

leakyfaucetwastespreciousresources—whichareaformofenergy.Doesyourhome have untended electrical problems? How’s the roof? Are you disaster-proofed?

22. Do you know that you need professional advice in some area—legal,accounting,financialplanning?Haveyouarrangedtogetit?23.Haveyousetupretirementaccountsandplans?Themomentyoubegina

retirementaccount,youbegintoloweryouranxietyaboutthefuture—andfreeupenergyinthepresent.24.Haveyousetupaccountstosaveforholidays?25.Haveyouarrangedtopayoverduebills?26.Doyouhaveabudget?Formanypeople,theideaofsettingoneupfeels

likegoingonadiet,butit’spossibletosetupaspendingplanthatdoesn’tmakeyoufeeldeprived.Anditcanbringasenseofsanityintoyourmoneylifewhileprovidingforthethingsyoutrulywant.27.ArethereanyitemsIhaven’tlistedthatyouknowareunfinishedbusiness

for you?Write them down right now, before you forget. List even items thatseemimpossibletoclearuporthathavebeenaroundforyears.Onereliableruleof thumb: If something comes to mind during the exercise, even if it seemsillogical or not related tomoney, include it on your list. Youwill see how itrelatestomoneyasyoucontinue.

PARTTWO:TAKINGAUTHENTICACTION

You’veprobablyuncovereditemsthatyouknowyouneedtocomplete.Someofthemmayevenhavesurprisedyou.Butremember:insightalonewon’tgetyoutomiracles.Yournextstepistodecidehowyou’regoingtocompleteeachitemonyourlist.Before you do anything else about money, balance your checkbook to the

penny.Doit,evenifyouneedtohaveafriendorspousehelpyou,orifyouhavetogo to thebankorabookkeeper forassistance.Nomatterwhatyourhead istellingyourightnow,justdoit!Tothepenny.Gobackasfarasyouhavetoinordertogetyourcheckbooktoreconcilewithyourbankstatement.Balancing your checkbook to the pennywill domore to clear your conduit

thanalmostanythingelseyoucoulddo.WhenIsaythisintheYouandMoneyCourse,eyesrollandtheatmosphereintheroomgetsheavy.Manythinkthatitwouldbe awaste of time, that it’s easier to close theunbalanced account andopen a new one.Not so! The unconsciousness follows youwherever you go.Withintwomonthsthenewaccountwillbeunbalanced,justliketheoldone.Asyoubalanceyourcheckbooktothepenny,takesometimetolookatwhere

you’vebeenputtingyourmoneyenergy.This,initself,canbeinstructive:

MARCIA: As I looked at my checkbook ledger, the strangest thoughtcrossed my mind. What if, years after I’m gone, my daughter orgranddaughter were to find and read this checkbook?What would it tellthem about my basic values and spending priorities in life? Lots ofimpulsivespending.Notmuchplanning.Whataneye-opener!

If someone were to read your checkbook ledger and attempt to write a

biographyaboutyoubasedupon it,whatwould theysay?Takeamomentandwriteaboutthisinyournotebook.Balancingyour checkbookmayneverhavebeenaproblem foryou.Do the

biographyexerciseanyway,and Iknowyou’ll findanewperspectiveonyourspendinghabitsandpriorities.Ifithasbeendifficult,congratulationsondoingitanyway.Youaredemonstratingthatyou’rewillingtobeaconsciouscustodianofenergy.For the rest of the unfinished items, take at least one step toward the

completion of each item on your list.Do thiswithin the next twoweeks. Forexample,ifyouowesomeonemoneyandhavenotbeguntopayitback,callorwritethispersonandsetupamutuallyagreeabletimetableforpayment.Ifyoudo not have a will, living trust, or durable power of attorney, make anappointmentwithanattorneytodrawupthesedocuments.NoticewhatMonkeyMindissayingtoyouaboutdoingthis.Andthendoitanyway!Letme repeat:Please takeat leastoneAuthenticAction towardcompleting

each item on your list within the next two weeks. It is one of the mostpowerfully direct things you can do to prepare yourself for miracles in yourrelationshipwithmoney.Youmaybetemptedtoputyourlistawayandforgetit,butkeeptothehero’s

path. Look at your calendar now. What is two weeks from today? Promiseyourselfthatwhenyouarriveatthatday,youwillhavetakenAuthenticAction.Completealltheitemsassoonaspossible.Mapoutexactlywhatyou’regoingtodo.Get specific and concrete, even thoughMonkeyMindwants you to delayandbevague.Therearemany resources available tohelpyou. Ifyouhaveunpaid student

loans, you may be able to get twenty-four months’ forbearance, or negotiatelower monthly fees and payments. Talk to your credit-card companies aboutyour repayment options and lowering your interest rate. If you are stumpedabouthandlingdebtsandunpaidloans,consultwithyourlocalConsumerCreditCounselingServiceagency.Theirstaffwillworkwithyouandyourcreditorstoconsolidateandcomeupwithamanageablemonthlypaymentplan.Wherever possible, use peoplewhowill help you get outside of your usual

structuresofknowingaboutwhatittakestoclearthingsup.Theymaysuggesteasierwaystocompleteitemsthanyoucurrentlyimagine.Beopen.Whysufferneedlessly?Shareyour resultswith friends.Askfor their supportasyou takeaction.To

centeryourselfandcheeryouon,keepyourLife’sIntentionsandStandardsofIntegrityinfrontofyou.Everystepyoutakepreparesyouformiracles.

Exercise:FixingtheLeaksinYourConduitDo youwant to be an investor? Do youwant to use themoney you have tocreatemore?Doingthenextexercisewillhelpyousaveandchannelmoneytothose ends.Whether your dream involves helping yourself or others, you canreachimportantgoalswhenyougainconsciouscontrolofyourmoneyandyourtime.Youwillneedasmallspiralpad,liketheoneyougottonotedailysymptoms

ofMonkeyMind.Let it be small enough to carry in your pocket or handbag.You’llalsoneedyournotebook.Thisexercisewilltakeabouttwoweeks.Thisisatrackingexercise,soexact

amountsoftimeeachdaywillvary.Onethingiscertain:itwilldefinitelytakealotlesstimethanyourMonkeyMindistellingyourightnow.Fortwoweeks,carrythenotepadwithyouandkeeptrackofeverypennythat

runs through your hands. Divide your daily sheets into three columns: cash,check, and credit cards.Note each expense, nomatter how small, under eachcategory.Makesureyoudoitatthetimeyouspendit,notlater.Forexample,ifyou buy a newspaper while commuting to work, write that expense downimmediately.Youarenotkeepingtrackofthismoneyinordertocreateabudget.Youare

doing it to increase your consciousness about the ways money energy flowsthrough you. If you have your own business andwrite business checks, keeptrackoftheseaswell.Moneyleaksoccurbothathomeandattheoffice.Ifyouworkforsomeoneelseandwritethechecksforhimorher,donotlistthose.Even if you forget to do it periodically, start up again. Don’t worry about

duplication, like charging something on your credit card and later paying thecredit-card billwith a check.All of this should bewritten down.NoticewhatMonkeyMindsaysaboutthisrightnow.Whichsymptomisitexhibiting?

JOEL:IrememberMonkeyMindtellingme,“Youdon’twanttodothis.Itwilltaketoomuchofyourtime.It’sstupid.Justskipthispart.You’vedonethis before. It doesn’t accomplish anything.” I said, “Thank you forsharing,”anddiditanyway.Itwasn’tsobad.Iwokeupaboutmymoneyleaks.

During these two weeks I want you to pay attention to whether you are

leakingor spendingmoney.To leak is topermit a substance toescapeorpassthrough a breach or flaw. It’s usually not conscious. It may be impulsive, orhabitual—andithappensmuchlesswhenyouwakeupabouthowyou’reusingmoney.Asyoutrackyourexpenses,askyourselfthefollowingquestions.Writeyour

answersinyournotebooksoyoucanlookatthemmorecloselylater.

1.RegardingthewayIusemoney,whatisthedifferenceformebetweenleakingandspending?

1. When do I go unconscious about spending money? Is it during aparticulartimeofday?Aparticularmood?

2. On which items do I spend most unconsciously? Are they items IreallywantatthetimeIbuythem?

3. If theitemsareotherthanfood,doIputthemtogooduse?DoIgetmymoney’sworthoutofthem?Dotheyliearoundunused?WhatdoIseeaboutthis?

4. WheredoIspendmoneyconsciously?Howdoesthisexperiencedifferfromleakingmoney?

5. Do I really value everything I buy? Does what I buy bring mepleasure?

2.IsthereaparallelherewithhowIleakorspendmytime?

1. Do I leak time with unimportant activity? If so, what is it? Forexample,doIwastetimelookingattelevision?

2. Do I leak time by compulsive activity?Do I spend hours and hoursexercising,organizing,orfixing?

3. WhenamImostlikelytoleaktime?HowdoesthiscontrastwithtimethatIspendconsciously?

4. Do I make promises tomyself or others, only to become distracted

withmeaninglessactivity?5. DoIspendasmuchtimeasIwantwithfriendsandfamily?

3.IfIfixthewayIleakmoney,whatwillhappentothetimeIusetoearnit?4.IsitpossibleformetoworklessandhavemoreofwhatItrulywant?

Asyoustudyyourtwo-weekspendingrecord,doyounoticeanypatterns?Arethereanyblackholesthatsuckawayatyourmoney?Forexample,howmuchdoyouspendonconveniencefood?

RICK: I spend threedollars aday for cappuccinoandpastryatwork. Itcame to $60 amonth. I added$2more eachday for incidentals like softdrinksorfruitintheafternoon.IfoundIwasspendingenoughmoneyeachyear to fund a down payment on a decent used car, not counting theoccasionalunplannedlunchesordinnersatrestaurants.IfoundthatIgoforquick convenience food on my way home when I’m tired and feel toobushedtogohomeandprepareameal.

MARGO:HowIwastetimereallysurprisedme.Ibuyall thesegoodbooks,takethemhome,andneverspendtimereadingthem.I’minfrontofthetelevisionset,staringataprogramthatbarelyinterestsme!

You’re becoming aware of your patterns of spendingmoney not to deprive

yourself but to give yourself the power tomake conscious choices.You don’twanttoleaktheenergythatcouldbringyourdreamsfromthemetaphysicalintothe physical.And by becoming aware ofwhere you’re leaking, as opposed towhereyou’respending,youwillgainrealchoice,andsatisfyingspendinghabits.ManyYouandMoneyparticipantshavefoundcreativesolutionstotheproblemofleakingtimeandmoney:

RICK:IsawhowmuchmoneyIwasteonstuff,soIdevelopedasystem.Every time I spend money on convenience food or entertainment, I puttwice that amount away in a savings account. I use the savings tomakeinvestments, like buying mutual funds. It’s amazing how much I’veinvestedinthepasttwoyears!KnowingI’mgoingtospendthreetimesasmuchonamoviealsogivesmethechancetoseeifIreallywanttoseeit.IfIdo,noproblem.I’vejustmadeaninvestmentatthesametime!MARGO:IgothroughtheTVlistingseveryweekandcircletheprograms

I want to watch. Then I watch them, and only them. I cut down onmy

televisionwatchingbyfifteenhoursaweek!Ihavealsobudgetedtimeforreading. I’ve joined a reading club.We have a blast together! Somethingelse:Ithinkbetterofmyself.Ihadcriticizedmyselffornotdoinganythingworthwhilewithmytime.That’sovernow.

TAKINGCAREOFTHETOUGHISSUES

Congratulationsonallthatyou’vedonesofar.Iknowthenextcoupleofweekswillbe interesting—andlife-changing—asyouopenyoureyes toseehowyouhandlemoney’senergy,takingAuthenticActiontofinishupalltheincompletemoney business that’s been holding you back. Some items on your list ofunfinished businessmay seem fairly simple to solve—even if it’s not easy totakethestepstoputthatsolutioninplace.Otheritemsmayleaveyoupuzzled.Youknowtheproblemexists,andyou’dsolve it ifyoucould—butyou’renotsurehow.I’dliketohelpyouworkthroughthemostcommonofthosesituationsnow.

1.ChargingWhatYou’reWorth

It’snotunusualforpeopletotellmethatthey’regoodatwhattheydo,buttheyjustdon’tseemtobeabletochargewhatthey’reworth.Theissuecomesupalotfor those of us who charge by the hour or the project, rather than collectingsalaries.Whyisitsohardtosetafairpriceandcollectitfromourclients?Afterworking through thisproblemwithmanypeople, I’vecome to realize

thatthecruxofthematteristhis:Ifwechargewhatwe’reworth,thenwe’llhavetodeliveronourpromises.We’llhavetogo100percentforit.Settingalowerfeeleavesa trapdooropen,anescapehatch.We’renotgettingpaidenough,sowedon’thavetobediligent.Ineffect,wedon’thavetoguaranteethatwe’llgoallouttodowhatwesaidwe’ddo.Whenyouchargeexactlywhatyou’reworth,you’reputtingyourselfon the

line.You’retellingyourclient,“I’lldowhatIsaidI’ddo,andgiveyoumyfulleffortandattention.IfIdon’tendupdoingwhatIpromised,I’llrectifymyworksoitwillsatisfyyou.”Ifyou’refrettingaboutwhyyoujustcan’tbitethebulletandraiseyourfees,

I’dlikeyoutoaskyourselfthis:“WhenIagonizeabouthowmuchtocharge,amIgivingmyselfpermissiontositonthesidelinesofmypathandnotparticipate?Is itpossible thatall itwould take forme tochangemysituationwouldbe totakeastandformyselfandmyworkandpromisetoperformtothebestofmy

ability?”Thesequestionscanleadyoutoalotofgrowth.Butwhenyouallowyourself

tomaketheleapandchargewhatyouknowisappropriate,you’llprobablyfindthatyoufeelprettyshakyatfirst.Allofasuddenyou’llbeoperatingoutsideofyourstructureofknowing,focusingonhowtodoagoodjob.Allowyourself tobepaidwhatyou’reworth.You’llgrow.You’llbehonor-

boundtodoyourbest.Yes,Iknowthatyoumaywanttodoyourbestnomatterhowmuchyou’repaid.Butthereissomethingtobesaidforbeingpaidexactlywhat you know your work is worth. It causes a special kind of maturity todevelop.Ifyouwish,youcandonateworktoworthycauses,ortakeonsomeworkfor

charityatasteepdiscount.Butyouwillbeatamorepowerfulchoicepoint.Youwillbe takingyourselfandyourcontributionmoreseriously.Forexample,myowncompanydoesmanagementandcommunicationstrainingforcorporations.Mysuccess in that arenaallowsme tocall the local foodbankandoffer suchtrainingasadonation.

2.NegotiatingforMoney

Oneof the fundamentalaspectsofnegotiation isbeingwilling to tell the truthaboutwhatyouneed.Whenyoudothat,anddon’tmanipulate,youusuallygetwhatyouwant.Youmaybelievethatyouhavetoplaygames.Forinstance,maybeyouthink

youhavetoaskfor$5or$8anhourmorethanyoureallywant—justsothere’sroomtocompromise.Lotsofbooksandexpertstellustodothis.Butwhenyoudo, something inyourbehavior signals to theotherperson that you’re foolingthem.There’snotaconsistencybetweenwhoyouareandwhatyou’resaying—andthatinconsistencyisimpossibletohide.Despitewhat youmight believe, negotiations aren’t a game, and they don’t

takeplaceinagamespirit.Realnegotiationoccurswhenyouaskforwhatyouwant, you hear the other person say what they want, and you arrive at anagreement.Thatagreementisnotalwaysacompromise.Asamatteroffact,I’vefoundthatwhenyou’rewillingtobetruthfulaboutwhatyouwant,youoftengetit.Myguidelinesfornegotiation:Tellthetruth.Saywhatyouwant,bottomline.

Don’tbringinalotofstories.OperatewithinyourStandardsofIntegrity.

3.LoanstoandfromFriendsandFamily

It’seasytogettangledinproblemswithloanstoandfromlovedones.Oftenwedon’t spell out the terms clearly, andwe treat themcasually, as though a loanmightbeagift. I’vefoundthatbeingunclearabout theexactcontext inwhichmoney isborrowed leads toheartache.So ifyou’replanning toborrowmoneyfrom someone close to you,write down the details, just as youwould if youwereborrowingfromaninstitution.Whatarethetermsoftheloan?Whenareyougoingtopayitback?Exactly

howmuchareyougoingtopay?Lookatdates.Beasclearwithyourfriendorfamilymember as youwould in any other business transaction—even if yourmindandtheirssay,“There’snoneedtobesoformal.”Ifoneoftheitemsonyourunfinishedbusinesslistinvolvesthissortofloan,

gobackandspelloutthetermsnow.Puttheminwriting.You’llallfeelbetter.If you’ve made loans and not been able to collect them, go back and be

specific about a repayment plan. Putting your agreements inwriting shifts thewhole money conversation into the domain of consciousness, and it greatlyincreasestheprobabilitythatyouwillberepaid.Weoftengetvaguewhenwefirst loanmoneytopeople,as thoughMonkey

Mind is running riot and telling us, “This ismy friend/my kid/my brother—Idon’tneedtobespecificabouthowI’llgetmymoneyback.”Allowyourselftobeconcreteabouttheterms.Ormakethemoneyagift,withnoexpectationthatitwilleverberepaid.Eitherway,you’llfreealotofenergythat’stiedupnowinangerorresignationorresentment.Ifyoufrequentlyloanmoneytopeopleinyourcircle,stopforamomentand

think about why you do it. You may honestly want to see them accomplishsomething thatmeansa lot to them—likego to schoolorestablishabusiness.But sometimes we make loans because we want to rescue people, and thoseloans often don’t turn out well. Even though the other person may seemdesperate,thereareoftenothersolutionsthatwon’tstrainyourrelationshipwiththem.Theymayneedfinancialcounseling,notsomeonetobailthemoutofthecurrentsituation.

FRAN:Iwasalwaysloaningmygirlfriendmoneyattheendofthemonth.For some reason shewasalways$300or$400 short.Myheartwouldgoouttoher,andI’dthink,“Well,Ihavethemoney—whyshouldIwithholdit?”ButonemonthIdecidedtotryanexperiment.WhenmyfriendcalledItalkedwithheraboutwhythiskepthappening.Asaresult,shedecidedto

gototheConsumerCreditCounselingpeopleforsomehelp.Itturnedoutthatshewastryingtopaydownherloanstooquickly,leavingherselfinthehole at the end of the month. Once she realized that, she changed herrepaymentscheduleandstoppedhavingtoaskformoney.I’msoproudofher!

TheresultinFran’scasewashappy.ButI’veseenothercasesthatweremore

difficulttoresolve,yetjustasimportant.

JACK:MyfriendBobkeptbuggingmeforloansattheendofthemonth,andIwasasofttouch—I’dloanhimahundredortwoifIhadit.Butwhenthatstartedtogetold,Ihadatalkwithhim.AndIfoundoutthatBobwasdrinkinghismoney away.EveryFridayhe’dgoget drunk, andhe’d staydrunk tillSunday. I had a serious talkwithhimaboutgettinghelp, and Istopped funding his behavior. He’s a buddy. I don’t want to add to theproblem.

Ifthesescenariossoundfamiliar,havecompassion,bothforyourfriendsand

foryourself.Wedon’t setout to complicateour relationshipswithpeople.Wewanttoempowerthem.Becomingclearaboutourmotivationsandexpectationswilldothejob.

4.BattlingwithSignificantOthersAboutMoney

A financial adviser named Howard Ruff once said something to the effect of“Thereare twokindsofpeople in theworld.Onewants tohaveaboatbeforethey save for it, and the other wants to save for the boat before they get it.Inevitably, those two marry each other.” Our intimate relationships give us agreat chance to confront thewaywehandlemoney, and to see howourwaysdifferfromothers’.Whatdowedowhen,forexample,wewanttosaveandourpartnerwantsto

spend? It’s a wonderful issue to confront as a couple, and one way to startlooking and seeing and telling the truth about your mutual relationship withmoneyistohaveyoursignificantotherjoininreadingthisbook.Whenyoustopand reflect on the questions, or do the exercises, do it together, and use theprocessasawayofbecomingclearwitheachother.If you find you have difficulty making good money decisions together, or

seem unable to takeAuthenticAction to get beyond your impasses, get help.Manypeoplehavefoundthatiftheytakestubbornconflictsanddilemmastoaconsultant—possibly a counselor, maybe a financial planner—miracles canhappen.Remember thatwe choose our partners in part becausewe see ourselves as

membersof a success team, inwhicheachofus isgettingwhatwewant.Wewantourdreamstocometrue,andwereallydon’twanttofrustrateourpartners.When we remember that-and who the other person is—the blocks to ourhappiness can begin to dissolve. We can reach resolutions about the savingsplan,orthevacation,orthecreditcards—andputmoreenergyintoourdreams.

5.GettingThroughFamilyCrises

It’s devastating when a family member dies, and terrible conflicts sometimesariseatmomentsofoverwhelminggrief.One typical scenariocomesupwhenthemotherorfatherofabigfamilyleavesanestateandit’suptothechildrentodivideahomeandtheassets.It’snotuncommonforlastingriftstodevelopoverwhogotthesilver,orthephotos,oracherishedheirloom.Ifyoufindyourselffacingtheneedtohandleaparent’sestate,I’dlikeyouto

holdontoabitofguidancethathashelpedmanypeople:Don’tnegotiatemoneymatterswhenyourfamilyisgrieving.It’snotalwayseasytodothis.Trytocometoanagreementnottoworkoutestateormoneymattersuntilninemonthstoayearhaspassed.Asyoudivvyupbelongingsandmoney,oldhurtsandwishesand unfulfilled needs come to the fore and become attached to thosematerialpossessions.There’snoavoidingtheemotionsthatcomeupintheprocess.Ifyoucan,trytohandleestatemattersinadvance.Whenthey’reoldenough

tohearyou, talk toyourchildren,andbeveryclearabouthowyouwantyourpossessionsdivided.Evenifyou’reyoung,makeyourwishesknowninawill.You can’t assuage the grief your survivors will feel, but you can take manyburdens—emotional,psychological,andevenfinancial—offtheirshoulders.

6.DealingwithKidsandMoney

Having kids can make us crazy about money. We want them to have everyopportunity,andwewanttoensurethatwecanlookbackonourlivesandknow

thatwe’vedoneagoodjobwiththem.Tous,thatmaymeandoingbetterthanourparentsdidinintroducingustomoney’senergy.Anditcanleadustosomeinterestingsituations:

HEIDI:Mymomwassocrabbyaround theholidayswithuskids,and Ireally wanted it to be different with my own family. I’ve tried to makethings perfect and happy, but I just see myself going overboard. LastChristmas I got Sara probably twenty presents—we filled up the wholebottomof the tree.I thoughtshe’dbe thrilled,butIcouldseeonherfacewhenshestartedopening themthat itwaswaytoomuch.Afterabout thesixthorseventhboxshestartedgettingcranky.Shetorethroughtherestofthepackagesandhardly lookedatwhatwas inside.Thenshewent together old favorite doll. Iwas livid, and the daywas a disaster. I thought Iwoulddosomuchbetterthanmyparents,butI’vegotawaystogo.

The way we handle money with our children sometimes reflects our own

unresolvedpastandpresentupsets. It’seasy toperpetuateexactly theframeofmindandthesituationsthatwemosttrytoavoid.Changingthemtakeswork.Itmight also require trial and error—and being willing to be honest andcompassionate aboutwhatwe seeourselvesdoing. In addition, there are threethings that can absolutely shift what you show and teach your children aboutmoney: being consistent, telling the truth, and acting in accordancewith yourStandardsofIntegrity.Consistencysimplyinvolvesdoingwhatyousayyou’regoingto,especiallyin

thecaseofallowances.Ifyousetanallowanceof$5,$10,or$20dollarsaweek,letyourchildknowthatyou’redoingit,andthenkeepyourword.Ifyouwant,youcannegotiatewithyourchildaboutwhatyouexpectinreturnforthemoney.You’llteachthemthatit’simportanttohonoragreementsaboutmoney.Tellingthetruthisslightlymorecomplicated.InmypracticeI’veoftenseen

parentsarguingaboutmoneyinfrontof theirchildren,andI’venoticedthat insuch argumentswhatwe’rehearing is oneMonkeyMind against another.Thefirstmaybearguingaboutwhyit’simportanttohavewhateverwewantinlife.Thesecondmightbepassionatelydisagreeing,andsaying,“Wedon’thaveanymoney!Ifwekeepgoinglikethis,we’llneverhaveanymoney!”Andthekidsarecaughtinthemiddle,confused.WhenIsaytellthetruthin

front of your children, I mean make a distinction between the truth of thesituationandwhatMonkeyMindistellingyou.

ALICIA:UntilIwastwelveIthoughtweweredirtpoor.Mymomanddad

keptarguing.Shewantedtobuythings,andhewouldsayifshedidwe’dbebankrupt. It was the weirdest thing to discover that we had hundreds ofthousandsofdollarsinthebank.Whatwasevenweirderformewasseeingthedifferencebetweenwhatwehadandhowscaredmyparentswereaboutit.Someofmyearliestmemoriesaboutmoneyareofbeingafraidwe’drunoutofitandbepoor.Andyetwealwayshadmorethanplenty.

If there’s something you don’t want your child to have, don’t say, “We’re

goingtobeinthepoorhouse,”or“We’llneversurviveifIgetyouwhateveryouwant.”Simplysay,“Yes,I’llbuyitforyou,”or“No,Iwon’t.”Finally, if you want your kids to handle money well, be sure that your

behavior matches your own Standards of Integrity. If you’re concerned aboutyourchildren’sintegrityaroundmoney,lookfirstatyourown.Irememberonesix-year-oldtellingmethat“thereasonItookthiscomicbookis,it’snotreallystealing.Mydadtakesnewspapersallthetimewithoutpayingforthem.”Wehaveauniqueopportunitytoletourbehaviorreflectwhowereallyare—

andtopassthatcoherenceontoourchildren.Itwillmakeourlivesbetter,andtheirs,too,ifwedoit.

BUILDINGTHESTRENGTHTODANCEWITHYOURGOALS

As you do this work, you may feel as though you’re lifting weights, andstretchingyourselfintoplacesthatmakeyousquirm.YourStandardsofIntegrityaredefinitelygettingaworkout,andIknowyou’reusingalotofenergytoclearthewayinfrontofyou.PleaserememberthatwitheveryAuthenticActionyoutake,andeverybitof

unfinished business you clear up once and for all, you are unleashingtremendous energy.Keep going.You are bringing lasting changes to your lifeandgainingthestrengthtodancewithyourdreams.

PARTIV

PRINCIPLE10

Whathappenswhenyou steponto the road to your goals anddreams and thefirst thing you encounter is a huge obstacle—say, an emergency expense thatrequires all the money you’ve saved for your dream, or a position that youwantedbeingeliminatedinyourcompany?Theseobstaclesandsurprisescanbedisorienting, and even seem to slow down your progress. While you mayinitiallyseethesesurprisesaspitfallsandobstacles,theyareintegrallylinkedtothewayyourlifeischanging.Forinstance,youmaystrivetoachieveacareergoalthatdoesn’tmanifestin

thewayyouintend,butadifferentrewardorpathmayresult.

MILT:Iwantedthatjobassenioraccountexecutive.Workedhardforit.WhenIwasn’tchosenfortheposition,itbrokemyheart.Iwantedtoleavethecompany.ButtwoweekslaterIgetthiscallfromthemanagementteamat headquarters. They want me to interview for western regional vicepresidentofsales.Igotthejob.It’sevenbetterthanI’dhavewished.GladIhunginthere.

Whenyourunintotroubleonthepath,don’tloseheartorassumethatyou’re

notworthyof or notmeant to achieveyourgoals.Obstacles and surprises areinevitableonthehero’sjourney.They’rethesignthatyouareonthepath.Theenergyofmoneycanflowaroundthesesurprises.Justallowyourselfbreathingroomtoseethewaysthatyoucanbeflexibleenoughtopermittheflow.In this chapter you’ll learn how to become flexible and consciously gather

yourenergy toanticipateandhandle theunexpected.Youwill learnastep-by-stepprogram for turningobstacles thatdo appear intoopportunities.Youneedneverbestoppedagainfromgoingforyourdreams.

CHANNELINGENERGY:FLYINGTOWARDYOURGOALS,NOTFLAILINGATTHEM

You’ve already chosen a SMARTgoal that is firmly grounded in one of yourLife’s Intentions. You’ve made a TreasureMap and cleared away incompletemoneybusiness.You’vepreparedyourselfinmanywaystomakethisgoalrealin thephysical realm.Thepowerof these first steps iscapturedbeautifullybytheauthorW.H.Murray,whowrote:

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back,alwaysineffectiveness.Concerningallactsofinitiativeandcreation,thereis one elementary truth, the ignorance ofwhich kills countless ideas andsplendid plans: that the moment one commits oneself, then Providencemoves,too.Allsortsofthingsoccurtohelponethatwouldneverotherwisehaveoccurred.Awholestreamofeventsissuesfromthedecision,raisinginone’s favorallmannerofunforeseen incidents andmeetingsandmaterialassistance,whichnomancouldhavedreamedwouldhavecomehisway.

In the process of attaining your goals, you will grow in ways you hadn’t

imagined—becauseanygoalworthhavingliesoutsideyourcurrentstructureofknowing.Goingforitwillexpandtheframeworkthatholdsyourcurrentimageofyourself.Youcan’tdothingsthewayyou’vealwaysdonethem.Youhavetobe open to the “unforeseen incidents andmaterial assistance” that may comeyourway.

MARGARET:I’velookedforwardtothispromotionforyears.I’mfinallyprojectmanagerattheplant.Iheadupateamoftwelvepeople.Irememberthe days when I’d get irritated on the job. I’d say it was the manager’sresponsibility to keep things going right. Now I am one! My wholeperspectivehaschanged.AmIuptothis?Yes.NowI’mtakingcoursesinmanagement.

Margaret’swholeconceptofherselfhadchanged,andshesawthatsheneeded

tobepreparedforallsortsofopportunities.Shetookthemanagementcoursestobereadywhenthenextopportunitypresenteditself.

Youhelptheenergyofmoneyflowaroundobstacleswhenyouarmyourselfwiththetoolsandpracticesthatcanhelpyouanticipatethem.Hereareexamplesofwhathappenswhenyou’renotpreparedforachievingyourgoals:

•Youstartanewbusiness.Youhavenotresearchedwhatitwilltaketorunit.Youfindyourselfworkingsohardandinvestingsomuchmoneythatyouaretoobrokeorexhaustedtoenjoywhatyouhavecreated.•Youhavefinallygottenyourpilot’s license. In theprocessofpayingfor it

and for a time-share interest in an airplane, you’redriven towork longhours.Youneverfindthetimetofly.•Youarepracticingtorunamarathon.Youdonotgetthesupportorcoaching

youneed.Yougetinjuredearlyinyourtrainingandmuststop.

Any onlooker could see trouble brewing in each of these cases. Have youexperienced similar situations yourself? The enthusiasm of the goal spurs youonward,butyouforgetorfailtodoyourhomework.Youtrytofindshortcutsorcutcorners.AsanOlympiccoachoncelamented,“Everyonewantstobeastar,butnoonewantstoshowupforpractice.”Thehero’sjourneytowardagoalstartswiththequestionsAmIwillingtogo

beyondwhoIcurrentlyrecognizemyselftobe?AmIwillingtopreparetohavewhatIwant?AmIwillingtoaskforhelp?AmIwillingtolivewithconfusionandparadoxasIlearn?It’seasytobumpalongbeforefinallytakingthestepsrequiredtogrowintoa

goal:

MITCH:My goal is to have a successful private practice.When I firstbeganasa therapist, thehardest thing forme todowas to collectmoneyfrom my clients. Sometimes I’d let client bills pile high because I feltawkwardchargingformyservices.Onafewoccasionsbillswouldgetsohighthattheclientwouldquittherapy,discouragedabouthowmuchheorshe owed me, so I wouldn’t get paid. It was a mess. Same thing withinsurance billing. I put it off forever. By the time I hired a businessconsultantmyaccountsreceivablewas$27,000.That’salotofmoneyforasolopracticeincounseling.I’mgladIgothelpwhenIdid!NowIcollectpaymentattheendofeach

session. My clients are more relaxed and realistic about what they canafford.IncasesofneedIhaveaslidingscale.Ibilltheinsurancecompanies

everyweek.The$27,000?Icollected$21,000ofit.Ilearnedonethingforsure.Accountsreceivablearenotthesameasmoneyinthebank!

Remember that youhaven’t done all this preparation for your goals only to

shootyourself in the foot.Youwant twogood feet towalkupandclaimyourheart’sdesire.Whenyouarewillingtoprepare,andtobeshapedbyyourgoals,asMitcheventuallywas,youare in foranadventure.Youare responding toadream,createdbyyouandprojectedforwardintime.Asyouwalktowardit,youchange.Itisanaturalandexcitingcircleofgrowth.Mitchwas no accountant, and he certainly didn’t fancy himself a good bill

collectorat theoutset.Buthe learned.Hewentoutsidehiscomfortzone.Asaresult,hebecameasuccessfulprivatepractitioner.You’ve already seen thatmost goals in life require the energy ofmoney to

bring them into existence. This is true whether they’re big, such as buying ahome or opening an office, or small, such as painting a picture or planting agarden.Onewaytopreparetogetthemistoseeclearlyhowmuchofthisformofenergywecurrentlyhaveatourcommand.Weturntothisnext.

GATHERINGANDFOCUSINGTHEENERGYOFMONEY

Thissectionwilltellyoupreciselyhowmuchmoneyenergyyoucurrentlyhavetoworkwith.Itwillgiveyouasenseofhowwellyourcurrentmoneygameisgoing.Youwillbegathering informationaboutyourmoneypicture.Synonyms for

gather are: collect, harvest, sort, and increase. When you increase yourawareness of your current relationship withmoney, you increase your power.You also guard against engaging in driven behavior that wastes this energy.That’sbecauseyouaredealingwiththephysicalrealminafocusedway.Whenyougather something,youcreateanoverviewof it.Todo this, I ask

you tocomputeyournetworth.Second, Isuggestyouobtainandcorrectyourcreditrating.TakeoutyourlistoftheSymptomsofMonkeyMind.Goahead—Iknowyou

arehavingconversationsinyourheadaboutskippingoverthis.Whatarethey?Wheredotheyfallonthesymptomlist?Takeheart.Noteveryonejumpsoutoftheir seatswith enthusiasmwhenwecome to thispart of theYouandMoneyCourse.Whatistheimportanceoftakingthosetwoactions?First,yournetworthtells

you thenumberofunitsofmoneyenergyyoucurrentlyhaveavailable toyou.It’samilestoneinconsciousness.Itwill trulywakeyouuptopossibilitiesyouneverthoughtexisted,notonlywithmoney,butalsoinallareasofyourlife.Asyoudothisexercise,you’llgettoworkthroughanythoughtsyouhavethatyournetworthisrelatedtoyourworthasahumanbeing.Itisn’t!Itissimplyascore.Doyouwanttoincreaseit?Yes,butyoumustfirstseewhatthatscoreis!Second,yourcreditratingisahistoryofhowwellyou’vepaidwhatyouowe.

Please breathe! It’s time to see if your financial path is clear or if there arecurrentlyanybarrierstoprogressthatarebasedonyourcreditrating.Thesemaybeeasiertocorrectthanyouthink!Finally, return to the model of life as a hologram: The goal is to become

conscious and open, to experience breathing room, not needing to avoid anyaspectofyourjourney.Byexperiencingabreakthroughinyourrelationshipwithyournetworthandcreditreports,youwillfreeyourselfofthestrainofmoneyworries.You’llhavefortitudetofacethem.Don’ttakemywordforit.Tryitandsee!

I’vewaiteduntilnowtocoachyou in taking these twostepsbecauseat thispointyou’vehadenoughpracticeunderyourbelttohandleanydiscomfortthatmay arise. You have what it takes tomake uneasiness your ally and proceedanyway. Your increased awareness will cause a shift in your power that willenable you to pursue what you want with ease, to fund your goals with themoneyenergytheyneed.

Exercise:YourNetWorth—AwakeningaPowerfulRelationshipwithMoney

First, get a net worth form. They’re easy to obtain from banks, real estateagencies, financialplanners,andbooksaboutpersonal financing.Youcanalsofindthemincomputerprogramsonfinancialplanning.Alsohaveyournotebookwith you, since you will be answering some questions about what you havefound.The time it takes to fill out the networth form varies.When in doubt, ask

someonewhohasdoneonetohelpyouout.Itwillmaketheprocesseasier.First, complete thenetworthstatement.Do iteven ifyouhavedoneoneas

recentlyasoneyearago.Youcomputeyournetworthbysubtractingwhatyouowe from what you own. It is a snapshot in time and it’s only true in thismoment.Besides followinganyguidelines thatmightbe includedwith thenetworthstatementyouget,besureyouusethese:

1.Whenfiguringyournetworth,beconservative.Ifyoulistyourbusinessasanasset,looktoseeifyoureallyknowyoucansellitforacertainprice.2.Regardingfurnitureandpersonalitems,computehowmuchyoucouldget

forthemifyouhadtosellthemwithinthenexttwoweeks.3.Asyougooveryourassets,usethistimetoupdateyourinsurancetocover

anyitemsyouhaveaddedorthathaveincreasedinvalueovertheyears.4.Ifyouaremarried,workwithyourspousetofindthebestwayforeachof

youtocomputeyourownfinancialnetworthstatements.Doyouhaveprenuptialagreementsoranythingthatyouownedindividuallybeforeyourmarriage?Whatarethecommunitypropertylawsinyourstate?Thismaybedifficulttodiscuss,butusethistimetogetconsciousaboutyourmoney.

Discoveringyournetworthgivesyourhero’sjourneyaboost.Alongthewayit’snaturalforallsortsofthoughtsandfeelingstoemergeasyoudothiswork.

Seeingwhatcomesupisjustasvaluableasknowingyourscore.Whateveryouseehasbeen there all along.Writedownyour feeling and realizations inyournotebook.Todismantlesomeoldstructuresofknowing,answerthesequestions,too,in

your notebook. If possible, discuss them with a friend, your spouse, or in agroup.

1.Doesitfeelasthoughthisnetworthstatementismeasuringyourworthasaperson?Tellthetruth.Remember,oneMonkeyMindsymptomis“takingthingspersonally.”Wealldothisatsometime.Getitoutintheopen.Ifthisistrueforyou,nowisthetimetowriteandtalkaboutit.2.Wereyoupleasantlysurprisedatyournetworth?Unpleasantlysurprised?

Doesithelptoknowthatit’sjustasnapshotintime?Seeingitisoftenawake-upcall.3.Areyou interested in increasingyournetworth?Would itbeall right for

youtogetahigherscore?Areyousatisfiedwiththescoreyoucurrentlyhave?

It’s a good idea to revisit your networth every sixmonths. SomeYou andMoneygraduateshavemadegraphstoshowtheincreaseintheirnetworthovertime.Theysettargetsforattainingacertainamountofmoneybyagiventime,thencharttheirresults.Thiscanbeveryrewarding.Youmayhavemorecontrolthanyouthinkoverhowtospendorinvestyourmoney.

TOWARDAHIGHERSCORE

Wouldyouliketoincreaseyournetworthscore?Therearefourwaystodoit:

1. Clearupdebt.2. Spendless.3. Invest.4. Earnmore.

Afifthway,inheritingmoney,isnotavailabletoeveryonebutmayaffectyou.Themosteffectivewaytoincreaseyourscoreistopaydowndebt,especially

unsecureddebt, likecreditcards.Each timeyoupayanoverduebillor reduceyour credit-card debt, you are increasing your net worth. Youmay think youhave to earn more to increase your net worth, but that’s probably the least

effectivemeansofincreasingit.Asyouthinkaboutspendingless,recalltheexercisesyou’vedonethatmake

clear the difference between leakingmoney and spending it.Did you pick upsomewaystostemtheunconsciousflowofmoneythroughyourhands?Thisisagoodtimetousewhatyou’velearned.Andit’sagreattimetosimplifyyourlifebyfocusingyourresourcesonwhat’smeaningful.

Exercise:KnowingYourCreditRatingIfyournetworthislikeascore,yourcreditratingislikeyourhandicap—agolfhandicap, for instance. It tells you how easily you can negotiate financialmatters. This is important to know as you begin moving toward your goals.Accordingtobankofficers,onefrequentobstacleinobtainingmoneyisacreditratingthatshowsyouareapoorinvestmentrisk.Itcankeepyoufromgettingaloan.Yourratingisindependentofhowmuchmoneyyoumake—it’sbasedonhowpromptlyyoupayyourdebts. Italso reflectswhetheryouowemore thanyou can comfortably pay back. I have known millionaires who have haddifficultynegotiatingfinancialmattersbecauseofpoorcreditratings.Your credit record is subject to inaccuracies and errors. For example, one

woman found that, according to a credit agency, shewasmarried to her adultson!Everytimehewroteabadcheck,itshowedonhercreditreport.Bywritinga letter to the credit agency, shewas able to get this error corrected, instantlyimproving her credit rating 100 percent! A man I know found he was beingconfusedwithsomeonewiththesamename,apersonwholivedthreethousandmiles across the country and had recently filed for bankruptcy.You, too,mayfinditemsyouneedtoaddressonyourcreditreports.Getreportsfromtwodifferentreportingagencies,suchasEquifax,Experian,

andTransUnionConsumerRelations.There aremany such services. Lendersuseoneormoreofthemtocheckyourratingwhenyouapplyforaloan.Youcancorrecterrorsinonereport,buttheymaynotbechangedinanother.Butithelpsifyoucanshowalenderatleasttwocorrectedreportsfromrespectedagencies.Eachreportmaycostbetween$8and$15,butitismoneywellspent.Youwill

know in advance if there are any factors thatwill impedeyou fromachievingyourgoal.Thesereportsmustbecurrent.Ifyouhaveonefrommorethanthreemonthsago,youarenotnecessarilygettingtheaccurateinformationyouneed.Besureyou’reworkingwithbonafidecreditreports,notcomputerprintoutslike

the ones available at car dealerships and real estate agencies. Reports fromcredit-rating firms include rating codes that you should be aware of andunderstand,andgivethemethodseachagencyusestoclearcredititems.Dothisexerciseandseewhatyoulearn.Ipromiseyou’llhavemorepowerto

go for your goals. It’s all about waking up and lightening up! You aredemonstratingthehero’scourage.Youwillneedyournotebookforthisexercise.Time requirementswill vary, given the nature of your credit report. Expect tospendatleasttwentyminutesstudyingeachdocument.

1.Lookforanyitemsthatpointtoaquestionaboutyourcredit.Youmayhaveapoorcreditratingbecauseofyourownmistakesoroversights.Whatarethey?Can they be corrected?Onemistake people oftenmake is failing to close outaccountsthatthey’renotcurrentlyusing.Simplify.Canceloldaccountsandyourratingmaygoup.Lookatthebackofyourreportforremediessuggestedbythecreditagencyitself,andfollowthroughonthosesuggestions.2.Ifyouareindoubtaboutanyitem,youmaywantprofessionalconsultation.

Isthisalegalissue?Amistakeinaccounting?3. Write the items you need to clarify or rectify in your notebook under

“IncompleteMoneyBusiness.” Put a date next to each, notingwhen youwillhavetakentheappropriateaction.Takecareoftheitemsassoonaspossible!

Sharewhatyouhavefoundinthisexercisewithafriendorgroup.Ifyouknowpreciselywhatisonyourreport,youcanrespondrealisticallywhennegotiatingmoney matters. Often, a truthful, up-front account of the mistakes shown onyourreportwillallowpeopletoworkwithyouinfindingsolutions.Inaddition,youcanhavetheitemsremovedbyworkingwiththeagencythatreportedthem.What internal conversations did you notice while looking at your credit

report?Were you relieved?Worried?Are you allowing your discomfort to bepresent,whileatthesametimehandlingwhatneedstobefixed?Thediscomfortyoumaybefeelingisnatural.Whenyoufacediscomfort,you

actually diminish it; avoid it and you extend it. Facing it with compassionproduceswisdom,becauseyouwillseehowirrelevantitusuallyistoattainingyourgoalsanddreams.Thiswillhelpyoucultivatetheheartofthehero.

RUNNINGTHEOBSTACLECOURSE

Bytakingameasureofyourmoneyenergyrightnow,you’remorecenteredandbetterpreparedforinevitablesurprises.Onourhero’spath,weusuallycallthemobstacles.Doyouski?Thefirstfewtimesyoutryit,everythingisanobstacle.Howto

useyourpoles,putonyourskis, standupandmove—everything takesenergyanddeliberation.Youstartoutwithshort,wideskisthataredesignedtotakeyouover the patches of dried grass or dirt youmight accidentally hit, and you goslowly.As you improve, you use narrower skis. You begin to carve graceful turns

around moguls. These skis will not carry you over grassy patches, however.Althoughtheyaremadeforgraceandmastery,they’realotlessforgiving.Whenyou ski more swiftly down the white slopes, the smaller patches of ice nowbecomeobstacles.Athighspeedsandprecision,smallimperfectionsonthetrailcansendyouface-forwardintothenearestsnowdrift.YouhaveseenthishappenevenwithOlympicskiersincompetition.That’s the nature of growth and progress toward your goals. The more

powerful and knowledgeable you become, the more aware you are of theobstaclesonyourpath.Tocontinuetobepowerful,youmustclearthemaway.Ithelpsifyoucananticipatethem,butthat’snotalwayspossible.Obstacleshappen.Theyareoftendeflating,frustratingevents.Werarelyhear

peoplesay,“Oh,boy!Somethingelseintheway!Whoopee!”Still,obstaclesarenecessaryto thehero’s journey.Theydefineyour lessons in life.Noobstacles,nogrowth.Nogrowth,nojourney.

THE“OHSH—!”POINT,OROSP

Foramomentpretendthatyouwanttobuyahomeforthefirst time.If thisisactuallytrueforyou,somuchthebetter.YourLife’sIntentionsforthisgoalare“tobefinanciallysuccessful”and“tobecreativewithyoursurroundings.”Youdo some preliminary research and discover that because you are a first-timehomebuyer,youcanpurchaseahomeinthepricerangeyouwantfor$12,000down.Youdecidetogoforit,determinedtosave$1,000amonthfortwelvemonths.

Yougetanextrajob,tightenyourbelt,andbeginthejourney.Inyourminditissupposedtolookaparticularway:

Butthenreallifestepsinwithsomesurprises.Fourmonthsintothisplan,at

PointA,youhavesaved$4,000andyou’rehappyasaclam.Then,onedayasyou’redrivingtoyoursecondjob,yourcarthrowsarod.Theengineisruined.Yourwarranty’sexpired,andyouhavetoshellout$2,300forrepairs.Youreallyneedthiscar.Whatamess!Thisisarealstopperinthehero’sjourney.Whatdoyousaytoyourselfasyou

look, for the first time, at the repair estimate for the car. Probably somethingprofound,like“Oh,sh—!”It’sauniversalexpressionofdistress.That’swhywe

callPointAanOSP,meaningan“Oh,Sh—!Point.”MonkeyMindleapsinwithhelpfulcommentslike:“Theregoesthehouse.”“Whydoesstufflikethisalwayshappentome?”“Myuniverseistellingmesomething.”“Thisobviouslywasn’tmeanttobe.”“Backtosquareone.I’llhavetostartalloveragain.”Inotherwords:“Itwasn’tsupposedtoworklikethis!Thisstopwasdefinitely

notonmyitinerary.”Absolutelyeveryonehitsawalllikethisonthewaytohisorhergoals.Butif

you findyourselfat thispoint,consider this:whenyouare facinganobstacle,right in themiddleofanOSP, it’sa sign thatyouare fullyengagedwithyourgoal.Itisavalidation.Iknowitdoesn’tfeelthatway.Youmayhaveallkindsofthoughtsaboutthe

situation, about yourself, and about the rest of the world. But obstaclesinevitably surfaceasyou takeyourgoal frommetaphysical tophysical reality.They’recreatedbymovement,liketheicethatbuildsuponanicebreaker.Every time you put an action into the physical domain, you meet with a

reaction. Ifnot, therewouldbeno limit toyouractionandyourenergywoulddisperse just as light projected out into the heavens scatters and finallydisappears.Obstacles are the sign that physical reality is pushingback againstyoureffortsandaddingformtotheenergyofyourdream.MonkeyMind,ofcourse,doesn’tseeitthatway,andifyoulistentoit,itcan

pushyou rightback intoyour comfortable structuresofknowing—andoff thehero’s path. What results is a breakdown—the psychological, emotional,physical,orspiritualdiscomfortthatsignalsyou’vestoppedmovingforwardtohandletheobstacle.Breakdownsarenotpleasanttoexperience,andtheycannotbedeniedorglossedoverinanyway.Soit’sespeciallyusefultoknowwhattodowiththemwhentheyhappen.Withyourcarintheshopforthat$2,300enginerepair,youlookatthetatters

ofyourwork so far.Youstillhaveyour intentions tobe financially successfuland creative.You still have your goal of buying a house,which reflects yourintentionsprojectedintophysicalreality.Finally,youstillhaveyourplan,whichis to save $1,000 a month. One, and only one, of these factors needs to bechangedatthispoint.Whichoneisit?Your first reactionmight be to changeyour goal, or at least put it off for a

while.Afterall,youdon’thavethemoneyyousaidyou’dhavebynow.It’sfourmonthsdowntheroadandyou’vemanagedtosaveonly$1,700forthatoriginalgoal.

For thesakeof illustration, let’smakemattersevenworse.Let’ssayyou’vemanaged togetbackon track. It is elevenmonths into theproject togetyourhome.Youhaveworkedextrahardandsaved$11,000.You’vefoundabeautifulhouseandopenedescrowonit.Then,aweekbeforetheclose,yourapartmentisburglarized (Point B). More than $6,000 worth of computer equipment andsoftwareisstolen,andyouneedittofinishajobdueintwoweeks—thejobthatgaveyoumuchofthatextra$11,000.Let’sreturn to thequestionWhatneeds tobechangedhere?This timeit’sa

three-partanswer:

1.Theintentionneednotchange.Externalcircumstancesdon’tinvalidateourintentions.2.Thegoalmaynotneedtochange.3.Whatmayneedchangingordismantlingisyourstructureofknowingabout

thepath.It’scalledyourplan.

This may not seem like a revelation. But, in all the years I have coachedpeople,Ihavenoticedthatwhenwehitobstacles,thefirstfactorwesacrificeisthegoal,not theplan!Mostofusgethookedonourplans,almostaddicted tothem.Weactasthoughit’slessimportanttoreachourgoalthantoachieveitinjustthewaywe’vemappedoutforourselves.Ourplansarecreatedoutofourmentalmodelsaboutwhatitwilltakeforus

toarriveatourgoals.Butagoal,ifitisworthplayingfor,isastretch.Thereisno way to create a plan that will never need to be adjusted or dismantled—especiallywhenweareattemptingsomethingnewtous.Manyplansareflawedfromthebeginningbecause,intruth,theyareonlyapproximationsofreality.Considerthepossibilitythatyourplansorstrategiesforyourlifeareholding

youbackfromgettingwhatyouwant.Youhaveapictureinyourmindofhowyourjourneyhastolook.Thatpicturemaybeinsufficienttoattaingoalsofyourdreams.Intheexampleofourhouse,theplanistosave$1,000permonth.Isthisreally the easiest, fastest way to attain the goal? Does the plan create moreproblemsthanitsolves?Hasitbecomeinflexible?Peoplewho are successful arewilling to be flexible in their strategies. For

them,attainingthegoalitselfisfarmoreimportantthanbeingrightaboutwhatittakes to get there. They are willing to be incorrect about their original plans.Theyarewillingtoturnleadintogold—obstaclesintomiracles.Brenda,awomanintheYouandMoneyCourse,hadactuallybeenfollowing

aplantosave$1,000amonthforahousewhenhercarbrokedown.

BRENDA:Itfeltlikesomeonepunchedmeinthestomach.IthoughttherewasnowayIwasgoingtogetmyhouse,butthenIrememberedourworkonobstacles.WhenIlookedatwhatI’dbeendoing,IsawthatIwastryingto get this goal on my own, without help. I called together a group offriendswhoknewmygoalandintentionsandtoldthemIwaswillingtobecoached togobeyondmystructureofknowing.Gettingothers tosupportmewasawaytomanifestmyintentiontobecreative.Westartedbrainstorming.Wecameupwithfouralternatives:theowner

carryingpaper,gettingaloanfrommyuncle,afriendgoinginwithmeonanequity-sharingbasis,andgettinga$1,000loanfromeachofsixfriends.Iwenttomyrealestateagent.Guesswhat!TheownerswerewillingtocarryasecondmortgageifIpaid$5,000ofthe$12,000Iowed.Itworked!

FOURGUIDELINESFORLOOKINGATOBSTACLES

Whenyouencounterobstacles,thefollowingguidelinescanwakeyouuptothepossibilitiesthatliebeforeyou:1. Obstacles and the resultant breakdowns are acknowledgments of your

intentions,notinvalidationsofthem.Logically,youmusthaveanintentionforitto be blocked. For example, if you didn’t have an intention to be financiallysuccessful,notqualifyingforahomeloanwouldn’tmattertoyou.Asonefriendputittome,“Sometimesyoucantellthesizeofaperson’sintentionbythesizeof their obstacles to manifesting it.” Examples abound: Martin Luther King,Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama. Take heart. When you experience obstacles,you’reingoodcompany!2.Ifnoobstacleseverappearonthepathtowardyourgoals,youmaynotbe

challenging yourself. This has nothing to do with ease. Obstacles arise onlywhen you face events outside your current structure of knowing. If you areoperatingwithin your current structure of knowing, no real learning is takingplace.Thereisverylittlerisk.Youcanaffordtoraisethebar.You’llhavemoreofanoccasiontocomeacrossmiraclesthatway.3.Ifyouexperienceonlyobstaclesonthepathtowardyourgoals,youmaybe

doingthingsthehardway.Aconsistentflowofobstaclesandbreakdownsmaybeasignalyouhavechosenagoalthatisoutofyourreachatthistime.Ifyoucontinue on this path without modifying your goal, you could wind up withevidence about the futility of going for what you want in life. This is pureMonkeyMind.Anothersignthatyoumaybecaughtupwithreachingyourgoalsthehardwayisifyoudonotaskforsupport.“Ineedtodothisalone”isoneofthemostinsidiousstructuresofknowingtodismantle.4.Peoplewho are successful consistently choose their goals and intentions

over their plans. Your plans are your best guess, given present information,aboutwhatitwilltaketoachieveyourgoal.Realliferarelyfollowsourplans.Ifyouclingtothemtheymayholdyouback.Youhavebigdreams,andtheyareimportanttoyou,moreimportantthananyplan.Yourplanswillalwaysneedtobe modified—not your dreams. Grasp this and you have the golden key tosuccess!

Exercise:TurningLeadintoGoldThe process for turning lead into gold is an alchemical metaphor for turningobstaclesintomiracles.Alchemistswerephilosophersandsages.Theysawlifeas a laboratory for the distillation of the human spirit from its unenlightenedstate(lead)toenlightenment(gold).Ifonecouldpurifyhisorherownspirit,thereasoningwent,heorshecouldthenlearntotransmuterealleadintoactualgold.Somemayhavelearnedtodothis.Manyattainedanevengreatertreasure.Theylearned touse thestuffofeveryday life,both the joysandsorrows, toawakenthemselvestotheirownessence.Theydiscoveredthatleadisgold.Youaregoingtolearntouseyourobstaclesandbreakdownstoexpandyour

awarenessofthemiraclesthatsurroundyou.Thisexerciseisgoodforthetimeswhenyouencounterwhatyouperceivetobeanobstacle.Withpractice,youcangothroughitratherquickly.Isuggestyoudotheworkwithsomeoneelseatfirstso that you can support each other in implementingwhat you get out of thiswork.Youcancomparenotes,discuss ideas, andkeepeachothergoing in theprocess. Share what you find at each step. Above all, make sure you takeAuthenticAction.You will need your notebook and your Life’s Intentions and Standards of

Integrity. Initially, thisexercisemay takeabout thirtyminutes toexamineeachobstacle.Withpractice,youcansignificantlyshortentheprocess.1.Identifyanobstacleyoucurrentlyface,somethingthatyoubelieveblocks

youfromreachingagoal.Writeatleastthreesentencesabouttheobstacle.Thisisyourpreliminaryassessment.2.Narrowyourdescriptionoftheobstacle.Lookatwhatyoujustwrote.You

want to state clearly the facts of what happened. Is your statement vague orgeneral?Forexample,“I’mtiredalot”isageneralstatement.Bemorespecificand locate an incident that isblockingyou fromproceedingonyourpath.Letthesestatementshelpyou:

JOEL:IjustgotanoticefromthebankthatIdidn’tqualifyfortheloantorefinancemyhouse.Iwascountingonittohelpgetoutofdebt.

MEG: I failedmy counselor’s license exam. It’s the third time I’vetakenit.

KAREEM:Wehaveadeadlineonthisconstructionproject.I’veworkedwithmy supervisors, but they’re still late ongetting the specs tome.WemaynotexecutethecontractontimeasIplanned.

3. Examine your breakdown regarding the obstacle. A breakdown is your

personal reaction to the obstacle. There are four areas in which you canexperience a breakdown: your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and spirit.These factorsarenot independentofoneanother.They formyour structureofknowingabouttheevent/obstacle.Youwillsortouteachareaandlookatyourspecificreactions.Thisispartofthedismantlingprocess.Takeapagefromyournotebookandlabelit“Thoughts.”Writeoutallofyour

thoughts about the obstacle. Include your explanations, reasons, and theoriesaboutwhythissituationhappened.

JOEL: The bank didn’t give me the loan because they don’t trust me.Economictimesaretough.Banksarenotlendingmoneyrightnow.Thisisgoingtosetmeback.Thisismyownfault.Ihavetoomanyquestionableitems onmy credit report.My ex-wife charged toomuch on credit cardsbeforewedivorced.

MEG: I didmy best. I can’t pass the exam. I’m too old for this. Ishould have done this when I was younger. I waited too long aftergraduation togobackandstudy.Thestudycourse I took this timedidn’tprepareme.

KAREEM: You can’t count on construction supervisors. Everyoneknows it. All they want is their paycheck. I have to do the spec workmyself. It comes with the territory. If you want something done right,alwaysdoityourself.They’realljerks.

When you write your thoughts, include any judgments you have about

yourself, the situation, or other people. If you have tried and failed to fix thesituation,write thatdownaswell. Includeanymethodsyouused.Keep listingyourthoughtsuntilnothingmorecomestomind.Nowdothesameforyour“Feelings.”Areyousad,frustrated,bored,anxious,

furious, panicked, dumbfounded, numb, enraged, or lonely? Do you feelbetrayed,abandoned,orhurt?Beasarticulateaspossibleaboutyourfeelings.Itisimportantforyoutogetthemalloutinyourwriting.Itmightlooklikethis:

KAREEM: I feel disgustedwith thewhole situation. I amangry at thosesupervisors,andI’mpanickedthatI’llruinmyreputationifIcan’tdeliver.

Thisprocessasksyoutodifferentiateyourthoughtsfromyourfeelings.You

aretakingthecoveroffandlookingatthecomponentpartsofyourstructureofknowing about the obstacle at hand. This act makes the structure morepermeable and flexible, easier to expand in order to include themiracles thatcurrentlywaitoutside.Your“BodySensations”comenext.Whatdoyouperceiveevenasyouwrite

about this obstacle? Are you tired? Does your head, stomach, neck, or backache?Isyourheartracingoryourchesttight?Doyouhaveasinkingfeelinginthepitofyourstomach?Writedownallyourphysicalsensations.“Spirit” is the fourth area to look at. Symptoms of your breakdown at this

levelareusuallyframedintermsofwhatismissing.Youmayexperiencealackof inspiration, enthusiasm, hope, gratitude, belonging, and enjoyment. Onoccasion,peoplehavethefeelingthatthefuturedoesnotholdmuchforthem.

KAREEM: I am hopeless about this situation. No one is playing onmyteam. I know I am alone here. There’s nothing to feel grateful orenthusiasticabout.Thefuturelookskindofdark.Iusedtobeabletoinspirepeoplewhoworkforme.Notnow!

After you have completed this step, take a moment for rest and quiet

reflection. Don’t be put off by the negativity you’ve been expressing. It’s acommon response.We usually don’t take the time to thoroughly acknowledgeourbreakdownsinlife.Weknowthatsomethingiswrongorthatweareangryandfrustrated.Orwethinkthewholeworldisagainstus.Butweremainvagueinpinpointing theexactnatureof theobstacleandbreakdown.Asa result,weremainwhereweare.Usingthisexercisewillbreakthatpattern.4.Getsomedistanceandperspectiveontheobstacle/breakdown/event.a.Talktosomeoneaboutit.Readyoursymptoms.Askthemtosimplylisten

toyouwithoutcomment.b.Ifnooneisavailableatthismoment,thentakewhatyouhavewrittenand

putitfaceuponatableorthefloorandwalkaboutfivefeetaway.Turnaroundandlookatit.Dothisevenifitseemssilly.Fromwhereyoustand,doyounoticeanythingaboutwhatyouwrote?Isn’titjustlikealittleclumpofenergy?Withabit of imagination you can almost hear it hum like one of those high-tension-wiretransformers.Whetheryouoptforaorbabove,usethefollowingquestionsto help you get a distance on these highly charged perceptions andinterpretations:

•DoIseeclearlythatIamexperiencingbreakdowninthissituation?

•DoIseethatmybeststrategiesarenotworking,orthattheymaybepartoftheproblem?•HaveIbeentryingtosolvethisalone,withoutconsultationorsupportfrom

thosewhocouldhelpme?•AmIwillingtogoon,evenifitmeansdoingthingsdifferentlythanIhave

donethembefore?•AmIwillingtogiveupplansthatmaynolongerwork?

5.Restate theobstacle.What reallyhappened, thebare facts?This iswhereyou distill the truth fromyour symptoms, like separating gold from lead. Thetruthisastatementaboutwhathappenedinphysicalreality.

JOEL: Ididn’tqualifyfora loan.Mycredit reportcontainsquestionableitems.

MEG:Ihavenotyetpassedmycounselinglicenseexam.

KAREEM:Iamnotmeetingthedeadlineonthiscontract.You may have seen the truth about the obstacle when you first read each

person’s story.But they did not. Theywere in themiddle of it,withMonkeyMindcheering themon.This iswhytheabovestepsareso important. It’s likeclearing thebugsoffyourwindshieldsoyoucanseewhat is really in frontofyou.So,whatisthetruthaboutthisobstacle?Whatreallyhappened?Whatdidyou

doornotdo?TakeadeepbreathatthispointandwaveatMonkeyMind.6.Lookatanybrokenpromises.Acloserlookattheaboveobstaclesreveals

thatineachcasethepersonhasfailedtokeepapromisetothemselvesorothers.They have not yet done something to correct or balance the situation. This isuncomfortable and is at least partly the reason for the intensity of theirsymptoms.One way to get to the underlying promise is to look at your Standards of

Integrity. Does your behavior in this situation go counter to any of yourstandards?Which?Writethemdown.Whatarethebrokenpromises?

JOEL:OneofmyStandardsofIntegrity is“intelligence.”It isdefinitelynot intelligent ofme to have credit reportswith questionable items that Ihave not personally cleared or accounted for. Another one is being“conscious.” When I applied for the loan, I was not conscious that my

credit reports would reflect what they did. The promise? It was to getrefinancingonthehouse.Ihavenotyetkeptthatpromise.

Doyousee thewisdomoperatinghere?Joel isdemonstrating theheartofa

hero.Youcansensehis trustworthinessand intelligence.Hehasgottenoff thesideoftheroadandisbackonhispath.Begentlewithyourselfasyoudothiswork.Manyofusneverget to thepointof lookingatourpromises,brokenornot.When you tell the truth about obstacles and broken promises, guilt melts

away.Youstopblamingyourselforothers.BlameisaMonkeyMindresponse.Instead,yousimplypointtowhatisso,thebarefact.Thisispossibletodoeveniftheobstaclewastotallyoutofyourcontrol.Afireorflood,forexample,cangenerateahostofunkeptpromises.Thehero’spaththroughthis isclear: learnfromthemess,cleanitup,andkeepgoing.7. Look at your underlying Life’s Intentions. Though it might look like it,

obstaclesandbreakdownsdonoterase intentions.To thecontrary!Aswesaidearlier,thefactthatyouconsiderasituationanobstaclemeansthatyouhaveanintentionthatiscurrentlythwarted.Itisavalidationoftheintentionandyou!Ifyoudidn’thaveanintention,thisincidentorcircumstancewouldmeannothingtoyou.

JOEL:Myintentionistobefinanciallysuccessful.

MEG:Myintentionistobeacompetentprofessionalcounselor.

KAREEM: I have the intentions to be a successful entrepreneur andsupervisor.

What Life’s Intentions are being thwarted in your current situation? Write

them down. If you have difficulty, enlist the support of someonewho can beobjective.8.Identifythegoalsyou’vebeenstrivingtoattain.Reacquaintyourselfwith

yourgoal. Itwillhelpyoufaceyourobstacle.Havinggotten this far,youmaydiscover that you did not clearly define your goal, or that it was not a goal.Operatingwithoutagoal,orwithoutaclearlydefinedone,isalittlelikebeingan archer shooting at no definable target.Your trajectorymay be straight, butwhatisitheadedtoward?

JOEL:Mygoal?Buyingahome,withease!

MEG:Iwanttoopenmyprivatepracticeninemonthsfromtoday!

KAREEM:Mygoal is to complete this project in fiveweeks, and togivemyteambonusesbecausetheydidsowell.

Taketimewiththispartoftheexercise.Yourewardyourselfwitharealgift

whenyouseeyourgoalsclearly.Thegoalsare thebenchmarksyouchoosesoyoucanmanifestyourintentions.9. TakeAuthenticAction. Line up your Life’s Intention(s), your goal, your

Standardsof Integrity, anda statementof anybrokenpromisesyouhave.Askyourself howapersonwithyourStandards and Intention(s)wouldhandle thissituation.

1. First, what promises need to be kept? What is the next AuthenticActionforthat?Bywhen?

2. Do you need help restating your goal so that it conforms to all theSMARTcriteria?

3. What’syournextAuthenticActiontowardyourgoal?4. From whom are you willing to get support? Talk with that person

within the next twenty-four hours. Do it while this exercise is stillfreshinyourmind.

5. Ifpeopleoffertheirsupport,areyouwillingtotakeit?Evenifit’snotnecessarilyhowyou’ddothings?

Practice this exercise and it will become easier to face your obstacles andbreakdownsthantoletthemstopyou.Youwillsoonfindyourselfmovingbothmindfullyandquicklythroughthesteps.Thefirsttwotimesmaybetheslowest.Nevertheless, do them fully. You are developing your ability to stay on yourpath.Didyouallowsomeonetoaccompanyyouateachstep?Howdiditfeeltolet

anotherpersonsupportyou?Couldyougetusedtoit?Goodwork!

PRINCIPLE11

To a lot of us—especially if we’ve grown up in America—the word hero issynonymouswith“ruggedindividual.”Wepictureourtravelstowardourdreamsas a lonely quest. We believe that the most admirable and successful peopleamong us reached their achievements or status by going it alone, pullingthemselves up by his or her ownbootstraps.Yet I’ve found that behind everygreatsuccessisateamofsupporters.Think for a moment about the most significant accomplishments in sports.

Athletes, whether they’re members of teams or not, are aided by coaches,sponsors, family, and friends.They openly acknowledge the pivotal role thesepeople play in their lives. No important sports figure has turned his or herincredible talents intodazzlingachievementswithoutsupporteverystepof theway.Allofusdeserveandcanfindtheenergyofsupport.Yourlifewillbecreative

andeasyifyougiveandreceivethatenergy.Peoplewhoaresuccessfulhavelearnedtohelpothersandtobehelped.This

mutual support amplifies our own natural courage, faith, and confidence.Supportstructuresremindusof thepromiseswe’vemadeandkeepusfocusedon them as a part of our path. True support is larger andmore powerful thanMonkeyMind,andremindsusofourgreatestskills,talents,anddreams.Most of us share themyth that if we accept support we diminish our own

achievementsanddon’tdeservepraise forwhatwehavedone.Somehowhelplooks like a crutch, even a personal defeat. But if we stick to this line ofreasoning,we become old before our time.We run ourselves into the groundpursuingourdreamsinisolation.Youdon’thavetodoitalone!Supportisallaroundyou,andconnectingwith

itwillchangeyourlifeinwonderfulways.Itwillallowyoutodothingstheeasyway.Inthischapterwejoinhandswithourfellowtravelers,ourallies,andthewelcomingcircleofheartsandhands.

“DOINGITALONE”

There’s a story, almost legendary by now, that is worth retelling here. It’shumorousandalsoconveysamessageaboutthehazardsof“doingitalone.”Asthe tale is told, the following report was submitted as part of a workers’compensationclaiminthe1920s.

Iamwriting in response toyour requestconcerningBlock#11on theinsuranceformwhichasksforthecauseofinjuries,whereinIput,“Tryingtodothe jobalone.”YousaidyouneededmoreinformationsoI trust thefollowingwillbesufficient.IamabricklayerbytradeandonthedateofinjuriesIwasworkingalone

layingbrickaroundthetopofafour-storybuilding,whenIrealizedthatIhadabout500poundsofbrick leftover.Rather thancarry themdownbyhand,Idecidedtoputthemintoabarrelandlowerthembyapulley,whichwas fastened to the top of the building. I secured the end of the rope atground levelandwentup to the topof thebuildingand loaded thebricksinto the barrel and flung the barrel outwith the bricks in it. I thenwentdownanduntiedtherope,holdingitsecurelytoinsuretheslowdescentofthebarrel.AsyouwillnoteonBlock#6oftheinsuranceform,Iweigh145pounds.

Due to my shock at being jerked off the ground so swiftly I lost mypresenceofmindandforgottoletgooftherope.Betweenthesecondandthird floors, Imet the barrel coming down.This accounts for the bruisesandlacerationsonmyupperbody.Regaining my presence of mind, again I held tightly to the rope and

proceeded rapidlyup the sideof thebuilding,not stoppinguntilmy righthand was jammed in the pulley. This accounts for my broken thumb.Despite the pain, I retainedmy presence ofmind and held tightly to therope.Atapproximatelythesametime,however,thebarrelofbrickshitthegroundand thebottom felloutof thebarrel.Devoidof theweightof thebricks,thebarrelnowweighedabout50pounds.IagainreferyoutoBlock#6oftheinsuranceformandmyweight.Asyouwouldguess,Ibeganarapiddescent.Inthevicinityofthesecond

floor,Imetthebarrelcomingup.Thisexplainstheinjuriestomylegsand

lowerback.Slowedonly slightly, I continuedmydescent, landingon thepile of bricks. Fortunately, my back was only sprained and the internalinjurieswereonlyminimal.Iamsorrytoreport,however,thatatthispointI again lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope. As you canimagine,theemptybarrelcrasheddownonme.I trust that this answers your concern. Please know that I am finished

tryingtodoitalone.

WHATISSUPPORT,REALLY?

Weallexistinaninterdependentsystem.Nomatterhowwefeelaboutit,we’relinkedsocially,economically,andbiologically,likethecellsofagiantorganism.We are healthiest when all parts of our bodies and society are functioningtogether.ThichNahtHahn, theVietnameseBuddhist teacher, talksoftenaboutour“inter-being.”Takethisbook,forexample.Thinkabouttheeffortsofeverypersonwhoput

hisorherenergyintoit.Recalltheexerciseinpart1whereyouheldadollarbillinyourhandsandimaginedallthelivesthatdollarhastouchedandwilltouch.It’seasytogetarealpictureofjusthowintimatelyweareallconnectedthroughwebsof energy.Given that interdependence, it quickly becomes clear that ourgreatestsuccesscomeswhenallofussucceedtogether.Mostdictionariessaythatsupportinvolvesactivelypromotingtheinterestsof,

andgivingassistanceandsustenanceto,anotherperson.Yetsomeofusshunthewholeideaofsupport.David,aworkshopparticipant,andIexploredthisduringoneoftheYouandMoneyCourses.

DAVID:Ihatetheideaofbeinginterdependent.I’mgoingonmyownforawhile.Oneofmygoalsistogeta4×4,loaditwithfood,andgouptothemountainstobebymyselfforafewmonths.

ME:Okay,howareyougoingtogetupthere?

DAVID:LikeIsaid,inmy4×4.

ME: But, David, you’re dependent on themanufacturer tomake agood truck. And what about the roads? Who made them? And whoproduced the food you’re carrying? And your shoes and clothes? Howaboutthefuelyou’reusing?

DAVID:Don’tstartconfusingme.YouknowwhatImean.Iwanttobemyownperson.

ME: But that’s just it.We think that being our own personmeansisolatingourselvesfromthesupportiveenergyofothers.Lookcarefullyat

this,becauseit’sthesourceofalotofoursuffering.

DAVID:(becomingthoughtful)IdospendalotoftimetryingtoproveI don’t need anyone for anything. And I’ve got to admit I’m alwayscomplainingthatnobodyisevertheretohelpmeoutwhenIneedit.ButIwastaughttobearuggedindividualist.Ibelieveinthat.

ME: Be a rugged individualwhere it counts, bymaking your ownunique contribution. Then get others to support you in realizing yourdreams.

DAVID:(becomingreflective)Iwouldlikethat.ThenI’dgetawayinmy4×4because Iwant to,notbecause I’m trying toescape frombeinginterdependent.I’dbegoingtowardhavingagoodtime,ratherthantryingtoescapefrompeople.Iwouldn’tbesodrivenallthetime,tryingtodoitallalone!

Youmay be able to recall a time in your own lifewhen you accomplished

somethinggreatwith the support or collaborationof others.Maybeyou and afriendworked together on a science project in high school.Or a friend of thefamilyhelpedyoufinanceyourcollegeeducation.Oranartteacherencouragedyoutopaint,andyouproducedabeautifulworkofart.Oryouhadacoachwhohelpedyoudevelopyourathleticabilities.Orafriendtaughtyoutodriveacar.Now look back on the times when you did it alone, without anyone’s aid.

Compare the quality of these two experiences and note any differences yourecognize.Was there a contrast in how you felt emotionally? How about theamountofenergyitrequiredtobesuccessfulalone?Didsupportcarryyoumoreeasily toward your goal? How did it feel to share that success, or not havesomeonetoshareitwith?

THEBENEFITSAREMUTUAL

Whenyouaskanotherpersonforhissupport,youareactuallygivinghimagift.You are generously allowing the person to make a significant contribution inyourlife.Byworkingtogether,youeachbenefit.Hisactofgenerositycomesfullcirclewhenyoulethimknowthedifferencehehasmade.Recalltimesinwhichyouknewyouhadapositiveeffectonsomeoneelse’s

life.Perhapsitwasthetimeyouhelpedafriendthroughanemotionalcrisis.Itcouldbethetimeyousatdownwitharelativeandtalkedherthroughabusinessproject.Maybeitwasthetimeyoubecameamentorforayoungpersonwhojustneededsomeonetolistentohim.When have you experienced yourself as being helpful to another person?

Have you felt their relief or watched their sense of hope, self-esteem, andstrengthimprove?Youknowitboostsyourownsenseofself-worth,increasingyourownenergy. In fact,mostpeople,whenasked to lookbackon theirmostsignificant achievements in life, name the timeswhen they helped others andsawthattheireffortsmadeapositivedifference.Iremembervisitingmygreat-auntAnnaattheretirementhomeherfirstweek

there.Now,therewasawoman!Ninety-fiveyearsold,sharpasatack,andusedtotakingcareofherself.Shehatedbeingatthehome,butshewasblindinoneeyeandtoofrailtobealone.Shelookeddismal.Isatdownbesideherandlistenedtohercomplain.Thiswasnotherold,died-

in-the-wool gutsy Socialist self.And all of a sudden I said to her, “Stop this,AuntAnna.You’rebeginningtosoundlikeanoldwoman!”There was a pause. We both started laughing. She began to perk up

immediately,andthegleamcamebacktohergoodeye.Thenshebecameseriousforamoment.“Honey,”shesaid,“Ibelieveyou’vejustsavedmylife.”Thatmomentwillbewithmeforever.AuntAnnagavemeagiftbyrespondingtomeinthatway.SheletmeknowI

hadhelped, and she taughtme that lettingothersknow theirvalue tous is farmoreprecious thananygiftyoucouldbuyfor them.It isreturningthefavorathousandfold!Whensomeonesupportsyourefforts,heorshedoesnothavetoactforyouor

insteadofyou.Onthecontrary.Thebestsupportcomesfrompeoplewhoknow

whoyouareinyourheart.Theyrecognizethatyouarebiggerthanallofyourdoubtsandfears.Andtheydon’tletyouforgetthis!Theydon’tcolludewithyouincomingupwithreasonswhyyoudidnotkeepyourpromisesorwhyyoucan’tfully realize your greatest talents and strengths. Insteadof supportingMonkeyMind,theyremindyouofyourgreatestgoalsanddreams.Inthatwaytheyfeedyoutheenergytogowaybeyondwhereyouwouldnormallystopyourself.It may be that many of us are uncomfortable with the support of others

because we associate it with being like a young child. We’ve all had theexperienceofsomeonejumpinginandtakingataskawayfromus,ratherthanshowingushowtodoitforourselves.We’veevenbeenonthegivingendofthatkindof“support,”whichisreallyfrustration.But watch the face of the little child who is shown how to tie her own

shoelaces,forexample,whenshefinallygetstheknackofit.Herfacelightsupwithpride,andifyouaretheonewho’sbeencoachingher,youareasproudasshe!That’swhymostpeopleseizethechancewhenweaskthemtosupportus.RobertLewis,acolumnistforInfoWorldmagazine,suggeststhisexperiment:

Next time you have a task or new assignment that puts you in unfamiliarterritory, call five people in your companywhom you’ve nevermet, describeyourproject,andsay,“Iwastoldyoumayhavesomegoodinsightsonhowtoapproach this problem. Can you spare an hour to help me get my thoughtstogether?”“Iguaranteeyou,”hewrites,“atleastsixofthefivewilloffermorehelpthan

youhaveanyrighttoexpect.Andwhenyou’redone,they’llthankyou.Peoplewant to create value for other people-that’s where self-esteem comes from.”That’sright,sixofthefive.Peoplearethatwillingandeagertosharewhattheyknow.

BEINGSUPPORTIVEISN’TBEINGCO-DEPENDENT

In recentyearsmuchhasbeenwrittenabout co-dependence.Wehavebecomesensitized to the potential problems associated with giving and receivingassistance.Supportiverelationships,however,aredifferentfromco-dependence.Co-dependence is in the eye of the supporter. When you’re being co-

dependentwithanotherperson,youviewhimorher asneeding tobe fixed insomeway.Youtakecareofhimbecauseyoubelievehewouldbelostwithoutyou. You believe he’d get into trouble on his own. In other words, you as a“helper”aredependentonhisbeingdependentonyou.MonkeyMindevaluatesothersasbrokeninsomewayandbelievesithasto

rescuethem,ordosomethingforthembecausetheydon’thavetheabilitytodofor themselves. You must supply them with answers to all their questions,becausetheydon’thavethoseanswersinside.That’sco-dependence!In its most exaggerated form, co-dependence gives rise to a false sense of

security.Theotherpersonneedsyousomuchthatheorshewillneverleave.Hecan’tgetalongonhisown.It’salimitingcircumstanceforbothofyou.Helpersinaco-dependentdynamicquicklygetexhausted.Theyoftenfeelas

thoughtheyarecarryingtheotherpersonontheirshoulders.Thistypicallyleadstoresentmentandfrustrationonbothsides.Thereisnoroomforcreativityandinitiativeforthepersonbeinghelpedinthistypeofrelationship.Heorshemaygetrescuedoverandoveragain,orbe“protected”orpreventedfromhavingtheopportunitytolearnfromhisorhergenuinefailures.Anotherway toseparateasupportive fromaco-dependent relationship is to

ask if what you believe to be someone else’s weaknesses, real or imagined,preoccupyyousomuchthatyouhavelittleenergytokeeppromisestoyourselfaboutyourowngoalsanddreams—orgiveyouagoodexcusefornotkeepingthem!Interestingly,whenyouarebeingco-dependentyoudonotallowotherpeople

tosupportyou.Typicalco-dependentslogansinthisveinare:

•IfIwanttogetsomethingdoneright,Ihavetodoitmyself.•Ifanyonetriestosupportme,theyarejustmeddling.•Ifanyoneofferssupport,theythinkI’mnotgoodenoughtodoitformyself.

•I’mtoobusytakingcareofotherstoaskforanyone’shelprightnow.•NooneunderstandshowmuchIhavetodo,howhardIwork.

You can just hear the driven quality of co-dependence. From this vantagepoint,youarecaughtinaviciouscircleofdoingthesamethingsoverandoveragain, with little or no satisfaction for either the helper or helpee. You feelisolatedfromothers,andyouusuallyendupworkingfarharderthannecessary.

SUPPORTMEANSWHOLENESS

There’s a big difference when you are truly supporting someone else. Yourecognizethatbothofyouarewholeandcomplete.Youareawareoftheotherperson’scourage,evenwhenheorshedoubtsit.Youareconsciousoftheherostandingbeforeyou.Mostimportant,youseethatheorsheismuchbiggerthanMonkeyMind,withgoalsanddreamsworthplayingfor.Youalsosee thatshehasawellspringofwisdomandcanfindherownanswers.Supportinganotherpersonisnotalwayscomfortable.Itmaynotseempolite

ornicetoremindhimofpromiseshehasmadeorgoalshecreated.Andit’snotnecessarilyeasytobeinarelationshipwhereyourpartnerexpectsthebestfromyou.MonkeyMindchattercanbecomeloudforbothofyou.Youmayworrythatyouarebeingpushy.Youmaythinkitisbestjusttoletthepromiseslide.Oryoumayfeelconstantlychallenged to reachwithin for theverybest inyourselfasyousupportthem.In an interdependent relationship you are companions, heroes traveling

togetherbuttravelingyourownpaths.Attimestheotherperson’svisionmaybeclouded,justasyoursmaybe.Butyourealizethatthissaysnothingaboutyourultimateabilities.Youtreateachotherwithrespect,givingandreceivinginequalmeasures.Thereisnoenergydrainhere.Thevictoriesandaccomplishmentsyoucelebratetogethercomefromaplaceofgenerosityandstrength,notfromaplaceoffearandweakness.

Exercise:GettingSupportforYourHero’sJourneyIf you’d like togenerate the energyof support, first take amoment to lookatyourcurrentstructureofknowingaboutgettingsupportfromothers.Ifyouweretomapthatstructurerightnow,youmightcomeupwithphraseslike:

•Onlyninniesandwimpsneedsupport.•IfIaskforit,peoplewillthinkI’mweakanddon’tknowhowtotakecareof

myself.•Peoplecanletyoudown.Whysetmyselfuptobedisappointed?•I’membarrassedtoask.Idon’tknowhow.

•Maybe it’sokay toget supportwhen I’mhavinga real hard time,butnotwhenI’mgoingforagoal.Idon’tdeserveit.It’sselfish.

If you are willing to go beyond your structure of knowing about support,pleasedothefollowingexercise.Youwillneedyournotebook,apen,andyourcalendar.Thisexercisewilltakeabouttenminutes.You are looking for a genuinely supportive person to help you attain your

goals. This person should be someone you like, trust, and cannotmanipulate.Rule out anyonewhowill be seduced by yourmind chatter. Generally, a co-dependent“support”relationshipisoneinwhichtwoMonkeyMindsplayintoeachother’sdoubtsandfears,drowningouteverythingelse.Sotobesupportiveofyou,theotherpersonmustnotcolludewithyouabouthowyoudonothavethe time, energy, or inclination to dowhat you said youwould do.What youneed at this point is someone who demonstrates ruthless compassion inremindingyouofyourpromises.YouneedapersonwhowillnotputupwiththemischieftwoMonkeyMindscancreate.The person who supports you should not have a vested interest in the

outcome.While you want to make sure that he or she is excited about youraccomplishments,thisperson’sownwell-beingandcomfortshouldnotbetiedtoyoursuccess.Sucharelationshiponlycomplicatesmattersforbothofyou.Tofindthisperson:

1.Makea listof anypeople inyour lifewho fit theabovedescriptionof asupportive person. Look at friends, co-workers and familymembers,minister,coach,ortherapist.2. Ifyour list isvery short,ornonexistent, takeheart.Theactof lookingat

how to get and give quality support for yourself will open up excitingpossibilities.Give yourself a day ormore to locate a personwhowould be agoodsupportforyou.3.Pick a project inwhichyou arewilling to be supported.For example, in

keeping with your incomplete money business list, you may have promisedyou’dmakeadentistormedicalappointmentforweeksbutnotyetdoneso.Youmighthavepromisedyourselfthatyou’dwalkonehour,threetimesaweek.Youmay have pledged to balance your checkbook to the penny. You may havechosen to take the promotion exam atwork but not yet begun to study for it.Theseandthousandsofotherexamplesqualifyforsupport.4.Choosesomeonefromyoursupport list.Askyourself thequestion“AmI

willingtoletthispersonhavesuccessinsupportingme?”Doyourecalltimesinthepastwhenyoudidn’tallowyourcoachorsupport

persontobesuccessful?Didyouspendtimeandenergyfendingthemoff?Whatmethodsdidyouuse?

DENISE: I stopped smoking four times last year.Each time I’d swear itwasmylastcigarette.ThefourthtimeIaskedmyfriendJanetosupportme.IpromisedherI’dgetsomenicotinegum.Ididn’t.IpromisedI’dcallhereverymorningandletherknowhowIwasdoing.Thatlastedfortwodays.On the thirdday I smoked twocigarettes.Thenextmorning I didn’t callher.Thateveningshecalledme. Icouldhearhervoiceon themachine. Ididn’tpickupthephone.I’vehadenoughofdoingitthisway.LuckilyJaneisgenerous.Sheforgaveme.

WhatstrategiesdidDeniseusetoavoidsupport?Whatdoyouuse?Oneofthe

easiestwaystodisableyourstrategiesistotellthetruthaboutthemupfront.Doyou:

•Makepromisesyouknowyouwillnotkeep?•Avoidtalkingtoyoursupportpersonwhenyouseethem?•Pretendyouaretoobusytotalktothemwhentheycall?•Trytodothingsyourway,evenwhenithasnotworked?• “Nice” your coach to death?Example: “Thank you somuch for caring. I

appreciatewhatyou’redoing.Let’stalkmorelater.Nowisnotagoodtimeforme.”•Quickly turn the tablesbyaskinghowheorshe isdoing,whenyouknow

thatyouneedsupport?• Threaten to get irritated, annoyed, or downright angry when you are

remindedofyourpromises?•Lieaboutwhatyoudidordidnotaccomplish?

Weallhavefavoritestrategiesthatweusewhenwehaven’tdonewhatwesaidwewoulddo.These tactics keepus in the same rut, and they’re embarrassinganduncomfortable to talkabout.However, thismomentarydiscomfortof self-disclosure is a small price to pay for having our goals and dreams become areality.5.Within the next forty-eight hours, invite the person you have chosen to

supportyouonyourproject.Befrankwithhimorher.Tellhimallthewaysyouhaveavoidedor thwartedsupport in thepast.Whenwedothis in theYouandMoney Course, I often ask participants to exaggerate or dramatize theirmostprizedmethods.Itisusuallyveryfunny.Weallcanrelate.MaryKayscreenshercallsonheransweringmachineanddoesn’tpickupif

it’sthesupportperson.WhenRalph’ssupportpersoncallsandRalphhasn’tdonewhathesaidhe’ddo,hesays,“I’mtoobusytospeak.I’vegottoomuchonmyplateandI’llcallyoulater.”Bettysays,“SometimesIjustsayI’lldosomethingtogetthemoffmyback.Ihavenointentionofactuallydoingit.”6.Tellthispersonthenatureofyourproject.MakeapromiseforanAuthentic

Action tobe takenwithin thenext forty-eighthours.Chooseanaction that’sastretch foryou,yet not obviouslybeyondyour reach.Wewant tobuild in theconditionsforsuccesshere.Giveyoursupportpersonpermissiontocallyouatasettime,eithertosupportyoubeforeyoutakeactionortocongratulateyouafteryouhavetakenit.7.Ifyoureallywanttostackthecardsinyourfavor,givethispersonacopy

of your Standards of Integrity. This will give her a special knowledge of theattributesyouintendtodemonstrateinlife.Givehimpermissiontocallyouonitwhenitappearsthatyouareoperatingoutsideofthesestandards.Tellhimyoualsowanttoknowwhenitappearsthatyouaremanifestingthesestandards.8.Keepyourword!Ifyouhavenot,tellthetruth.Remakeyourpromise.Keep

going.9. Acknowledge each other for this work. You are both demonstrating the

attributesofsuccessfulpeople.10.Ifyouwish,makeanotherpromiseforAuthenticAction.

This experience of receiving support may have brought up a number offeelings and thoughts for you. What are they? Write about them in yournotebook.Wasthisexercisedifficultoreasy?DidyoupickanAuthenticActionthatwasachievable,yetastretch?Iusually advisepeople against supportingeachother at the same time.You

riskcolludingwitheachother.And ifoneofyouwithdraws, theotherwillbeleftwithoutsupport.YouneedtohavesomeonewhoseownAuthenticActionsarenotinanywaytiedtosupportingyou.

FORMINGASUCCESSGROUP

Asyouconsider thepossibilityofbeingsupportedbyothers,youmaywant toformagroupofpeoplewithsimilarintentions.Asuccessgroupisaformofself-helpgroup,butwithdistinctcharacteristics:

•The focus ison success andmoving forwardonyourhero’s journey.Thismeanseachpersonistheretobesupportedinkeepingtheirpromises.•Youdonotgetextrapointsforstruggling.That’sbecausestrugglingusually

meansthatyou’retryingtodothingsalone.Inthisgroupyougettoworkhard,butnottothepointofexhaustion.Youaretheretogetoutofthepatternofbeingdriven.•Youarewilling tobe supportedbyothers, not just tobe a supporter. It is

oftenmucheasierforustobeasupporterthantoallowotherstosupportus.Itmakesusfeelvulnerable.•Thegroup isnot a substitute for therapyor any twelve-stepprogram.The

focusisondiscoveringhowtotakeAuthenticAction.Insightisconsideredtobetheboobyprizeifitisunaccompaniedbyademonstrationinphysicalreality.Inthisformatyoucomeawayfromeachsessionwithpromisesthatwillbefulfilledbythenextsession.Thiscouldincludeseekingtherapyorjoiningatwelve-stepprogram,ifthatisappropriate.•Thegroupiscommittedtoholdingeachmemberaccountableforwhothey

really are in their heart.For this reason, everyone’sStandardsof Integrity andLife’sIntentionsareamatterofgrouprecord.

SuccessGroupFormat:FirstMeeting

Theformatforcreatingasuccessgroupissimple.Havegroupmembersreadthechapter of this book that you allwant toworkwithbefore your firstmeeting.When you get together, open the floor for discussing thematerial.Make sureeveryone gets a chance to speak on the topic. Stay away from being tootheoretical;havepeople relate their lives to thesubjectathand.MonkeyMind

willwanttogetintellectual.End each sessionwith everyone declaring to the groupwhat he or shewill

accomplishby thenext session.Eachmember shouldchoosea supporter fromthegroupwhowillcoachthembetweensessions.

THECOACHINGCONTEXT:BLUEPRINTFORSUCCESS

Groupsbecomepowerfulwhentheyoccurwithinacontext,anintentionalspacewherecertainactivitiesandrolesoccur.Weliveinsocialcontexts,professionalcontexts, spiritual contexts, occupational contexts, and so on. This is mostvividlyapparentwhenonecontextclasheswithanother.Forexample,haveyouevergonetoafriend’sparty,onlytobesurprisedbythepresenceofyourbossorpsychotherapist?Haveyounoticedtheembarrassedorawkwardmomentsasyoustrivetofindawayofrelatingthatisappropriateinthissituation?Thecontextofasuccessgrouprevolvesaroundcoaching.Membersarethere

becausetheyarewillingtobesupportedingoingbeyondtheircurrentstructuresofknowingand takingAuthenticAction.Theyarewilling tosupportothers indoingthesame.Protectthispowerfulspacebyensuringthatyoursessionshaveadefinitebeginningandendingtime.Then,ifyouwanttosocialize,maketimeforthatafterthemeeting.Thecoachingcontextiscreatedonlywheneveryoneinthegroupanswersthe

followingquestionsoutloud.Theseareimportantcenteringquestions.1.WhatspecificqualitiesamIwillingtocontributetothegroupsessiontoday,

sothatallofuswillbesuccessful?Forexample, ifyouare tired,areyouwilling tobealert? Ifyouare feeling

defensive, are you willing to be open and receptive? If judgmental, are youwilling to be compassionate? Each attribute or quality should be a bit of astretch.Thisautomaticallytakesyououtsideyourstructureofknowing.Makealist of these qualities. Declare what they are to the group. Do not use “non”words,suchas“non-judgmental.”Saywhatyouaregoingtocontribute:“Iwillbeopenandcompassionate.”Here are some more examples of attributes you can use to answer this

question: open, kind, flexible, acknowledging, truthful, courageous, attentive,alert, receptive, grateful, clear, joyous, loving, focused, creative, supportive,gentle,empowering,appreciative,generous,compassionate.You will notice that conceptual and emotional words are missing. That’s

becausetheydon’treflectwhoyoureallyareinyourheart.Youwanttoconnectwithmoreenduringqualitiesthatcanexistnomatterwhatyouthinkorfeel.You may also notice that the word “honest” is missing. Honesty is a way

station on the road to being truthful. For more clarity on this, refer to our

discussionsofthedifferencebetweenhonestyandtruthinPrinciple1.Howdoesitfeeltoreadthosewords?Doyounoticeasenseofspaciousness?

When you invoke these qualities, it’s a declaration of your intention to gobeyondMonkeyMind.When a number of people do this at once, there’s anincredibleflowofenergy.There’sasynergisticeffect,whichislikelinkingasetofbatteriesorgeneratorstogether.That’senoughpowertoboostanyonethroughTroubleattheBorder.2.AmIwillingtodismantlemystructuresofknowing?This question asks if you arewilling to gobeyondyour thoughts, opinions,

judgments,andevaluationsaboutwhatyouthinkyouknow.Youproceedtowardmiracleswhenyougooutsideyourcustomarymentalstructures.A“Yes”answersaysyou’rewillingtogobeyondyourcomfortzone.Youmaybeapprehensive.MonkeyMindmay be having a field day in your head.Nevertheless, you arewilling.3. Am I willing to use everything that goes on in the group session as a

personallessonformyself?Ifyouanswer“Yes”tothis,youarepromisingtocreatevalueandmeaningfor

yourself out of whatever happens in the group. You arewilling to get all thesupportyouneedtoday,evenifitisfromwatchingsomeoneelsegetsupportedin the group. You are promising yourself that you will leave the sessionthoroughlysatisfiedthatyoureceivedwhatyouneeded.Thisquestionputsyouinchargeoflearningyourownlessons.Ifyoulook,youwillprobablyfindthatyoucanlearnfromanysituationaslongasyouarewilling.4.AmIwillingtolistentothesupportofeveryoneinthegroup?EvenifIdo

notagreewithwhattheyaresaying…especiallyifIdonotagreewiththem?If you are willing to suspend your structure of knowing and listen to the

supportofothers,Ipromiseyoumiracles.Yourbesteffortsatsolvingproblemswithoutsupportmayhavegottenyoufar.Butweallneedthesupportofotherstogobeyondourself-createdlimitations.Whenyoudon’tagreewithwhatothersare saying, look carefully. It may reveal where you have gotten stuck in astructureofknowing.Youdon’tneedtoagreewiththeviewpointofthosewhosupportyou.Itisusefultouseyourdisagreementwiththemtoobserveyourself.Areyou

being defensive? IsMonkeyMind flexing itsmuscles?Have these symptomsstopped you in the past from going farther down your hero’s path? Are youwillingtoexperiencethediscomfortassociatedwithsuspendingyourjudgment?Is it all right toget support youdonot like fromsomeonewhoyou thinkhasgottenitallwrong?Ifyoucannot answer“Yes” toeachof these statements, takeadeepbreath.

Sometimeswe’renotreadytointeractwiththegroupduringaparticularsession.Youmightallowyourselftoobservethegroupwithoutinteractinguntilyoucanauthenticallyanswer“Yes” to theabovequestions. Ifyou remainunable todoso,usethefollowingsuggestionstotracepossiblecauses:

•Youmaybeexhaustedbecauseyouhavebeenstruggling.•YoumayhavebeenoperatingoutsideyourStandardsof Integrity in some

areaofyour life. If it isamatterofnothavingdonewhatyousaidyouwouldbetweensessions,usethecurrentsessiontotellthetruth.You’llbesurprisedathowpeoplewillidentifywithwhatyou’regoingthrough.• You may be facing an issue that needs some external support, such as

therapy,atwelve-stepgroup,orevenamedicalconsultation.

Inanycase,allowyourself toget thehelpyouneedso thatyoucanuse thesuccessgroupinapowerfulway.

ASUGGESTEDTIMEANDFORMATFORTHEGROUP

1.Opening.Haveeveryoneanswerthequestionsoutlinedabove.(15minutes)2.Haveeveryone take2minutes to shareabreakthrough since last session.

(10–20minutes,dependingongroupsize)3. Read from a selected chapter, doing exercises or sharing work on that

chapter.(1hour)4. Form support pairs until the next session. This can be done by putting

names in a box and randomlydrawing thenameof a personyouwill supportuntil thenext session.Oryoumayhave someoneworkout a schedule so thateveryonegets theopportunity tobe supportedbyeachgroupmemberat somepoint.Justmakesureyoudonotendupsupportingsomeonewhoissupportingyou.Ifyougointocollusionwitheachother,nothingwillgetdone.5.WritedownyourpromisesforAuthenticActionbythenextsession.Keep

theseinyournotebook.Theyneedtobespecific.Examplesofvaguepromisesare:

I’llbehappierandmorerested.I’lltakecareofmyself.I’llbemorecarefulaboutbeingontime.I’llbemoretrusting.

Thesepromisesarenotmeasurableastheyarestated.Youdonotknowhowtotell when you have accomplished them. Specific promises have more energy.Thereisasenseofbeingonthelineforsomething:

•I’llhaveoneappointmentwithacertifiedfinancialplannerbynextsession.•I’llcreatethreegoalsandcometothenextsessionreadytoTreasureMapat

leastoneofthem.•I’llcallthetravelagentandbookthatcruise.•I’lltakecareofthreeitemsonmyIncompleteMoneyBusinesslist.•I’llgotooneDebtorsAnonymousgroup.

Now,thesepromiseshavesometeethtothem!Theymaybeastretchforyou.Aboveall,theyarespecificactionsthatsomeonecansupportyouintaking.6.Pickfourtimesbetweensessionsinwhichyoursupportpersoncallsand/or

meetswithyoutoremindyouofyourpromises.Theymightaskifyouneedanyfurtherassistance.Thisiswhatismostimportantaboutasuccessgroup:Youareinthegroupto

learnaboutbeingsupported,nottofrustrateyourcoaches.Youareinthegrouptolearntosupportothers,nottobeco-dependentwiththem.Ifyouare ready,beprepared formiracles inyour life.You literallywillnot

recognizeyourselfaftergoingthroughthisbookwithasupportgroup.Myfriend,Dr.PatriciaElliott,coinedthismottoafteranespeciallyproductive

session.Iinviteyoutotakeitwithyouonyourjourney:“Ididitmyself,butIwasn’talone!”

Supportopensthepathwaytogratitude.Youbecomethankfulandappreciativeofthosewhohavegiventheirenergytoupholdandsustainyouonyourhero’sjourney.Youfinallybelongtoagroupwhosemembersarejustasexcitedaboutthetriumphsofothersastheyareoftheirown.Youbegintosensethepresenceofabundance.The next chapter presents Principle 12: The Gateway to Abundance Is

Gratitude.Youwillseetherehowtofurtherdevelopandunlockyourpowertobegrateful.

PRINCIPLE12

I was regretting the past and fearing the future. Suddenly God wasspeaking.“Myname is IAm.” Iwaited.Godcontinued,“Iamnot there.Mynameisnot‘Iwas.’Whenyouliveinthefuture,withitsproblemsandfears,itishard.Iamnotthere.Mynameisnot‘Iwillbe.’Whenyouliveinthismoment,itisnothard.Iamhere.Mynameis‘IAm.’”—HELLENMELLICOST,ONEHUNDREDGATES

Abundance.Thewordhasalifeofitsown.Itisthepromisethaturgestheheroonward.Weareat aplace toknowwhatabundancemeanswhenwe learn thelessonsofmoney’senergy,whatfreesitandwhatfocusesit.Thoughtsofabundancecantriggervisionsofstandingwitharmsoutstretched

as$100bills rain down from theheavens, or jumpingup anddownas lotterynumbers flash across the TV screen. In prosperity workshops, the wordabundanceglowswiththepromiseof“more,”whichisalwaysaroundthenextbend,likeapotofgoldattheendofarainbow.Bynow,however,weknowthatintravelingtowardourdreams,“more”isnot

necessarily our goal. The desire for more is most often a conversation aboutscarcity.It’sbornofleakingandwastingmoney,orbeingdriven,orthinkingthatamassing more stuff will substitute for having clear goals that represent ourLife’s Intentions. It’s time to comprehend and grasp the true nature ofabundance. If you’rewilling, you’ll soon discover that you’ve knownwhat itwasallalong.That’sthepowerofalltheworkyou’vedonetoclearyourselfasaconsciousconduitofenergy.Inordertoimagineabundance,drawacircleonacleanpieceofpaper.Next,

fill in the circlewith examples of everythingwe experience in life: happinessandsadness,goodandbad times, joyandsorrow,playandwork, scarcityandplenty.Youcouldspendtherestofyour lifefillingin thecircle,couldn’tyou?Ourexperienceoflifeisinfiniteinitsvariety,isn’tit?This circle represents abundance. Abundance is everything. Every possible

aspect of life’s experience.All of it, including scarcity. From this perspective,youcanseethatscarcityisoneofthemanifestationsofabundance.We increaseourpowerbyembracing life’s abundance—bysayingyes.And

we develop our ability to do this by practicing gratitude. In this chapter wecompleteourhero’sjourneybylearninghowtodoso.

ABUNDANCEANDTHEHERO’SJOURNEY

TheideaofabundanceasthetotalityoflifeisfamouslyexpressedintheBible,Ecclesiastes3:1–8:“Toeverythingthereisaseason,andatimetoeverypurposeunderheaven.Atimetobeborn,andatimetodie;atimetoplant,andatimetopluckupthatwhichisplanted…”Lifeteachesusthatcomfortanddiscomfort,joy and sadness are all qualities thatwill be expressed in the fullnessof time.Abundanceisallofit,eventhebittermomentsthatservetoteachusandwakeusup.Thewell-livedlifeisaconsciouslife.Whenweareconscious,we’reawareof

everything,livingfully.Wedon’tchoosewhatwewanttobecomeconsciousof.Wedon’tsay“Letmebeawareof thisaspectofmylife,butnot that.”Astheveil lifts from our perception, we see both the miracles and the lessons thatsurroundus.Everytimeyouarewillingtosay“Yes”toeverythingonyourpath,youexpresstheheroinsideofyou.To answer “Yes”—an emphatic “Yes”—to everything is to put us in the

positiontoexperienceprosperity.Prosperitycomeswhenyouparticipatefullyineveryaspectofyourlife.That’sbecauseyouthrivewhenyouparticipate.It’sastateofgrowth.You’renotpushingawayanything,you’reusingeverythingasanopportunitytowakeupandexpresswhoyouareinyourheart.Takeadeepbreath.Withthisnewunderstandingofabundanceandprosperity,

you can handle the flow of energy in your life. When you’re not blockinganything,arewillingtolearnfromeverything,andarecommittedtoexpressingyourtruenature,youareinthatmomentprospering.Fromthiswecanseethatprosperityisnotsomethingoutthere,waitingtohappeninthefuture.Prosperityoccurs now, every timeyou arewilling to be fully present to your life.That’swhy“Yes”isthemostpowerfulwordyoucanutter.Yourwork in this bookhas been designed to help youdiscernwhen to say

“No” to your driven behavior, so that you gather energy and focus it onworthwhile pursuits. But using “No” to push away anything in our internalexperience that we fear or dislike can limit our experience of abundance.Attemptingtoavoidunpleasantaspectsofourlives,aswehaveseen,drainsourenergyandpower.AsAmerican-bornBuddhistabbessPemaChödrönputit,“Itdoesn’tdoanygoodtogetridofourso-callednegativeaspectsbecauseinthatprocesswealsogetridofourbasicwonderfulness.”

Oneway toencounterabundance is throughdeveloping theartofgratitude.Weturntothisnext.

THEFINEARTOFGRATITUDE

Spiritual leaders tell us that it’s important to develop gratefulness. TheologianBrotherDavidSteindl-Rast sayswe have gottenwhatmakes for a full life allbackward by waiting for good circumstances to occur before we expressgratitude.The key to growing into your goals is bringing gratefulness to youreverydaycircumstances,nomatterwhattheymaybe.Tohaveagoaldesignedtotrytogetawayfromanuncomfortableorpainful

circumstanceonlyprolongstheverycircumstanceyouseektoescape.Tryingtoescapegivesyounobreathing roomor creativity.Gratitude shiftsyour energyand takesyououtof the fight, flight, or freezemode.Youbreathedeeply andunclench from your fears. Your belly is soft and receptive. You are open topossibility.Howdoyoubecomegratefulforeverything?Youmaynotwanttobegrateful

forwhatever is inyour life.Youmay think it’s abad idea tobegrateful for adifficultcircumstancebecauseitwillempowerthatcircumstance.Forexample,youmayfindyouowe$1,000moreonyourincometaxthanyouthought,oryoumayloseyourjobtodownsizing.Howdoyouwrapgratitudearoundthat?You may also feel worried about making too much of the beneficial

circumstancesinyourlifeandbelievethatthere’snousetemptingtheFateswithyourhappiness.Thisisnotlogical,butit’shuman,andthesuperstitionshowsupin many cultures. My older Jewish relatives, for instance, would look at ahealthyandbeautifulbabyandsayloudly,“It’stoobadshe’ssouglyandsickly.”Traditionhad it thatevil spiritswould ignorea sick,uglychild. Itwasbest tofoolthembyfeigningmisfortune.Onewomanin theYouandMoneyCoursewashavingdifficultycomingup

withgoals.She finally toldus shewas recovering frombreast cancerandwasafraidtomakegoals,lestshenotlivetomeetthem.Atthesametime,shewasterrified of expressing gratitude for the lessons that the illness taught her,becauseshefearedthatthatkindofgratitudewouldbringthecancerback.Gratitudedoesnotmeanthatyoujumpforjoyatwhateveroccursinyourlife.

Rather, itmeans thatyounote,bearwitness to,andseewhatever isputbeforeyou.Youarewillingtoletitbethere,doingnothingtopostponewhateverlessonoropportunitycomesfromfortuneandmisfortune.

AFFIRMATIONS:AWAKENINGTHEGRATEFULHEART

Onewaytokindlegratitudeistopracticepayingattentiontowhat’shappeninginoureverydayphysicalreality.WeordinarilyspendsomuchtimewithMonkeyMindasitchattersaboutthepastorfuturethatwedon’tlingerlongenoughtoseewhatishereinthepresent.AsHellenMellicostputsit,whenweliveinthepresentmoment,lifeisnothard.Thefoundationofaffirmationisstayinginthepresentmoment.Toaffirmisto

literallymakefirm.Wedothisbyobservingwhat’sbeforeusandallowingittobetherejustasitis.Thistakesguts.Wedon’talwaysfeeluptoit.However,wecan be willing, even with all our doubts and fears that we’re not up to thechallenge.Therearethreewaystoengageincreativeaffirmation.Creativeaffirmationis

notwishfulthinkingorofferingincantationstotheFates.It’sthesimpleprocessof shifting theway youobserve the events in your life and imbuing themwithgratitude.The firstway touse affirmation is to note andwelcomeyourdaily lessons.

This is sometimes difficult, because deepest lessons don’t appear beneficial atfirstglance.Todiscoverthatyouhavelostajobseemsmorelikeaclosingthananopening.Itfeelsterrible.Atthemomentyouexperiencethisloss,itwouldbeuseless for anyone to tell you, “Oh, but youwill learn somuch from this!Begrateful!”No,firstyouneedtofret,complain,orgetangry.Then,andonlythen,doyou

havetheopportunitytosay,“Yes.Iamwillingtoexperiencethis.Iamwillingforthistobealessonforme.”The experience of first acknowledging, and then being open to a difficult

lesson looks something like this, a dialogue that comes out of the You andMoneyCourse:

MARK:Ilostoutonanorganizationaldevelopmentconsultingjob.

ME:Whathappened?

MARK:I’mnotsure.Thisreallyburnsme.IthoughtIdidagreatjob.

ME:Tellusaboutbeing“burnedup.”(Iamnottryingtouselogicto

talkhimoutofhowhefeels.)

MARK:Ireallywantedthejob.Couldhaveusedthemoney,too.Ifeellikesuchajerk.MaybeIcameoffreallybadlyattheinterview.

ME:Anythingelsethatburnsyouupaboutthis?

MARK:Maybe I’m not as great as I think I am. I’ve been in thisbusinessforeighteenyears.MaybeI’vejustbeenfoolingmyselfallalong.

ME:Whatelseburnsyouaboutthis?

MARK:(GoesonforanothertwominutesemptyingtheMonkeyMindconversationsoutofhishead.Thenhepauses.)

ME:Takeadeepbreath. (Hedoes.)Areyouwilling tohave thisbehere?Areyouwillingtohavethisbeamessageoralessonforyou?

MARK:Idon’tthinkso.Ifeelsostupid.

ME:Idon’tmeandoyouwantthislesson.Oreventhatyoubelieveitcan teach you anything. I’m asking if you’re willing. This is above andbeyondwhatMonkeyMindistellingyourightnow.

MARK:Okay.ThenI’mwilling.SomethinghappenedthatIhate.ButI’mwillingtohaveitbehere.(Hepauses.)I’mevenwillingtobegratefulfor the wake-up call this mess created. I’m not grateful now. But I’mwillingtobe.

Mark decided to call the man who had interviewed him to ask him for

feedback.Was thereanything themancould tellhim thatmightbehelpful forfutureinterviews?Theinterviewerwasimpressed.HetoldMarktheonlythingdisqualifyinghimwasthathehadnotgivenenoughdetailsabouthisproposedprogramforthecompany.Thishadnothingtodowithhisskillorability.Markrevampedhisconsultantbrochureandpresentationmaterial.He landeda largecontractwithintwomonths.Itseemedlikeamiracle.ForMark,thetruemiraclewasseeingthepossibilityofbeinggratefuldespitethediscomfort.The second formaffirmationcan take isbeinggrateful for thepleasureswe

receive: a beautiful sunset, a letter from a dear friend, an unexpected raise insalary.Youmightthinkthataffirmingthesegiftswouldbenatural.Afterall,how

much simpler can you get than being grateful for what brings you joy orhappiness?Yetwedon’toftendo it. In thenormalcourseofevents,wespendonly a short time with them before Monkey Mind once again directs ourattentiontothepastorfuture.Gerry was an architect and felt great that he and his assistant had finished

somecriticalpreliminaryrenderingswellandontime.Hetoldme,“ItwasattheendofthedayandIfeltveryproudandgratefulthatwehaddonesuchagoodjob,butnosoonerdidIfeelthatappreciationthanMonkeyMindcameinwith‘Butwhat if the clients don’t likewhatyoudid?Howmanyversionsof theserenderingsareyougoingtohavetogothrough?Don’tbegratefultooquickly.’”

AFFIRMINGYOURBASICNATURE

The thirdformofaffirmationI’d like tosuggest isaffirmingtheattributes thatareinherentinyourStandardsofIntegrity.You’veprobablynoticedbynowthatwe’renotusingaffirmationstodenyorescapedifficultcircumstances,butrathertohelpusstaywithwhatistrue.Emilie Cady, in her pioneering book Lessons in Truth, said that “to affirm

anything is to assert positively that it is so, even in the face of all contraryevidence.”Youhave the qualities you’ve listed in yourStandards of Integrity,andtheyexpressthegenuinepersonyouare.Affirmingthemwillgivepowertothatwhichalreadyexists insideyou.Youcandothisnomatterwhat“contraryevidence”yourMonkeyMinddishesup.Affirmingwhoyoureallyare,yourbasicnature,issimple.Itdoesn’trequirea

stretchoftheimagination.Youstartbydeclaringthatyouarewillingandfollowit with the attribute you are willing to be. This attribute is taken from yourStandardsofIntegrity.Forinstance,yousay,“Iamwillingtobecourageous,”or“Iamwillingtobeloyal,”orwhateveristrueforyou.Willyoutrythisrightnow?JusttakeoutyourStandardsofIntegrity,say,“I

amwillingtobe…”andfollowthiswithoneofyourStandards.Thengoontothenextone,andthenext.Saythewordsout loud.Seehowtheyfeelonyourtongue.Repeatthemtoyourselfeachnightforatleastoneweek.Whatdoyouperceive?Isasparkofgratitudepresent?IaskedAlantodothis,andthisiswhathereported:

ALAN:ThiswasmucheasierformethanIexpected.Myminddidn’tgonuts.Infact,itseemednatural.AtfirstitfeltlikeIwasn’tsayingthatIwasthese qualities, only that I was willing to be. After a while somethinghappened.OnenightwhenIwassayingthem,Igotthisflash!OfcourseIwascourageous,truthful,loyal,andintelligent!Thatwasnotthequestion.TherealquestionwasAmIgoingtodemonstratethatthisiswhoIam?ItdoesnogoodtohavetheseattributesifI’mnotdoingsomethingwiththem.I’mgladtobeme.It’sanadventure.

AffirmingandthenexpressingyourStandardsofIntegritypreparesyoutosay

“Yes”toabundance,andtofeelgratitude.ConnectingwithyourStandardsgives

youthefortitudetolookandseeandtellthetruthabouteverythingonyourpath.That’s thehero’sway.And recall thatyou’remeant todo thiswith ease.LikeAlan, you needn’t regard your Standards as an unreachable measure ofperfection.Theyreflectwhoyouarenow.Theyaskonly thatyouuse themtoguideyou.When you see that you are out of alignment with your Standards, take

AuthenticActiontorestorethebalancethatcomeswithintegrity.Infact,allowyourselftokeepintouchwithyourStandardssothattheimbalancedoesn’tevenoccur.AskyourselfhowyoucanexpressyourStandardsinyoureverydaylife.Andacknowledgeyourselffullywhenyoudo!Isometimesstartthedaybylookingforwaystoexpresstrustworthinessand

loyaltyandcompassion.Thoseare thequalities Iwant to shine frommyheartthroughmyactions.BynomeansdoIdoaperfectjob.ButIliketothinkthattakingaproactive stance like thisgivesmemoreof a footing as I dancewithabundance.

CONTRIBUTION:THECONSEQUENCEOFGRATITUDE

Gratitudeallowsyoutoexperiencethegiftsoflife.Whenyoureceivegifts,younaturallywanttogiveback.Thismaintainsaflowofenergy,abalancebetweengivingandreceiving.Contributionisasnaturalasbreathinginandbreathingout.Whenyourcontributionisblocked,yourenergygetsbackeduplikethewaters

behindadam.Yougetcranky, tired, anduninspired.Miraclesare lostonyou.Thelessonsyoulearnhereaboutcontributingmoneytootherscanbeappliedtoallareasofyourlife.MonkeyMindgetsantsywhenitconsidersgivingmoney.Actually,fortheMonkey,givingawaymoneyistherealissue,asthoughyou’relosingmoneyingiving.ButhereisasecretIhavediscoveredthatputstorestanumberofmyMonkey

Mind conversations about donating money. You and I are compensatedimmediatelywhenwe intentionallyandgenerouslysendenergyaway toothersfrom ourselves. Our self-esteem rises. There may be additional rewards forgiving, but they are secondary to the immediate knowledge that you have theability to make a difference right now. You are bringing energy from themetaphysicalintothephysical.SeveralyearsagoIlistenedtoatalkbyLynnTwist,whospokeaboutraising

moneyforTheHungerProject,anonprofitorganizationwhosemissionistoendworld hunger. Twist explained that in her fund-raising work, she’d seen howpeoplewanttocontributetocausessuchashersbecausetheyconsiderthemtobeimportant.Theactofgivingempoweredthem.Theythrived.NowIseeshewasdescribingprosperitytoaT.

TITHINGTROUBLES

Itisacommonlyacceptedmetaphysicalprinciplethattithingbringsprosperity.Tithingisgivingone-tenthofyourmoneytothatwhichyouconsidertobeyourspiritualsource.CharlesFillmore,cofounderoftheUnitySchoolofChristianity,wrote that tithing makes giving a methodical process and “brings into theconsciousnessasenseoforderandfitnessthatwillbemanifestedinone’souterlifeandaffairsasincreasedefficiencyandgreaterprosperity.”Theactofgivingestablishesbalanceandallowsenergytoflowfreely,coming

inandgoingout.Whenyouarebalancedyounaturallyopentothemiraclesthatsurroundyou everymoment of your life.Youuse opportunity.Your energy isfreetocreate.Youareopenandpresentinthemoment,opentopossibilities,andyou perceive your life as being blessed. You transmit this blessing to thosearoundyou,andyouareprosperous.But wait a moment before you rush out to give, expecting this wonderful

surge of energy in return. Be aware of this pitfall: When we give with thethought thatwewill “get a returnonour investment” in the future,wedonotcreatebalance.Rather,we’reforminganimbalance.Infact,thoseconditionsweplaceonourgivingarenothingbutextensionsofourownsenseofscarcity!Thisis usually at the heart of any difficulties we might have with contributing tospiritualcauses.Givingwithanexpectationof returnforourmoney isasetupforangerand

pessimism.Wedon’tfeelthatriseinself-esteem.MonkeyMindhasuslookingonlyforfuturerewards.Thisinvalidatesordiminishesourspiritualbenefits.Tithing,oranycontributionofmoney, isademonstrationofourpower.But

oftenourexperiencesofcontributionhavebeen less thanpowerful, sometimeseventorturous:

WALLACE:IrememberwhenIwasakid.Myfathergavealotofmoneytoourchurch.Thereweresixofusinthefamilyandwehardlyhadenoughmoneytogetby.OnewinterIworeacoat twosizestoosmall.Iresentedmyfather’sgivingawaywhat littlewehad.Hetoldushewasdoingit tomakesureweallwent toHeaven. Itwas likehewasafraidorsomethingand thiswas hisway of escaping his fear. Sort of an insurance policy. Idon’tgivemuchtomychurchatall.Idon’twantthefeelingI’mbuyingmy

waytosalvation.Ialsodon’twantmykidsevertosufferthewaywedid.YoucouldpointtoflawsinWallace’slogic.Hewenttotheoppositeextreme

fromhisfatherbecauseheandhissiblingshadhadtoenduretheeffectsoftheirfather’sdrivenbehavior.Ifyourecall,oneaspectofdrivenbehavioristhatyoucanneverdoitwellenough.WhenWallace’sfathergavebeyondhismeans,hecreated an imbalance of energy. His contribution carried a condition that wasbasedonfear,notonthejoysofgivingfreely.Itwashardonhisfamily.When you contribute in a driven way, you’re not really being generous.

You’re attempting to fill a void created by the absence of joy and gratitude.Contribution is authentic when it’s a natural outgrowth of your Standards ofIntegrity.

TRUEGIVING

Gregownsaninsuranceagencyandbegantithingtohischurch.Hetoldmethateverymonthwhenhewroteouthistithecheckanddepositeditinthemail,heexperiencedarealsenseofjoy.Hesaidthatincontributingtoandhelpingtakecare of a church thatwas a source of spiritual inspiration for him, hemade it“his” church. It wasn’t just a place he went to get value; he was directlyparticipatinginsomemiraculouskindofenergyflow.Henoticedthatitaffectedhowheconductedhisbusiness, and thathisbusinessgrewas a result.He feltveryclearandempowered.Whenpeoplegivemoneyinthisclear,generousway,theyoftenreportasense

ofempowerment.Onereasonisthattheyknowtheyarewieldingtheenergyofmoneypowerfullyenoughtomakethegift.AnotherreasonisthattheyareintheenergyflowofwhichGregspoke.GivingasademonstrationofyourStandardsofIntegritytosupportsomething

thatbenefitsyouandothersputsyouinthatflow.Youdon’thopeforbenefitsinthefuture.Youareactually inthatflow in themoment thatyougive.Andyouaregivingtoempowerothersaswell.The interesting thing about energy is thatwhenyou are in the flowof it, it

goesbothways.Haveyouevernoticedthatwhenyoufeedorfocusenergyonsomethingorsomeone,yougetthatenergybackimmediately?Thatisthenatureofenergy.Intheearlychaptersofthisbookwelimitedourdiscussiontoyourfocusing

energyonyourgoalsanddreams.Now,aswe talkaboutcontribution,wecanexpand that discussion to include the mutual, two-way flow. We often thinkaboutenergy inastrictlyphysicalandNewtoniansense, that it flowsonlyoneway—inthesamewaythatenergyfrombatteriesflowsonlyoneway,andthat’swhytheygetdrained.Butonthemetaphysicallevel,energygoesbothwaysatthesametime.It’spartoftheinterconnectednessofthings.

Wecloseourjourneytogetherbylookingathowtoachieveongoingbalanceinyour money affairs. Using Standards of Integrity is one key. Enhancing thepowertobegratefulistheother.Whenyourenergyisbalanced,youcangiveinawaythatbenefitstheworldandenrichesyourlife.

These, then,are the finalaction stepswewill take togetheron this journey:lookingoncemore into our hearts to express our integrity,whowe really are,andthenlookingoutward,toexperienceallweseeandencounterwithgratitude.

Exercise:IntegrityAerobicsThisexerciseisdesignedtopumpupyourpowertobringbalancetoyourlife.As you demonstrate your Standards of Integrity, you will notice increasedfreedominyourinteractionswithpeopleandmoney.Pleasehavecompassionforyourselfasyoudothispart.Theworkisimportantandsometimesdifficult.Youare demonstrating your willingness to dance with abundance, to be open toeverythinginyourlife.Becausethiswilldefinitelymakeyourperceptionsfiner,bepreparedformiracles!You will need your notebook, a personal calendar, and your Standards of

Integrity.Thisexerciseisanongoingprocess.Giveyourselfnomorethanfortyminutes

for the first step.Youcanalwayscomeback later andadd items.The listyoucreatewon’tbecomplete,but itwillgetyoustarted.After that,each itemyouchoosetoexaminecantakefromfivetofifteenminutes.Irecommendyoutakeonehourwiththisexercisethefirsttimeyoudoit.Thenrest.1.Locate items inyour life that representan imbalance in integrity.Use the

followingquestionstospuryourmemory:

•Regardingmoney,wherehaveIlied,cheated,orstolenanything?•Regardingmyrelationshipswithpeopleandmoney,wherehaveIbent the

rules?•Where have I been greedy, uncharitable, or ignorant in my personal and

businessdealings?

Beveryspecificaboutyourbehavior.Clearlydescribewhatyoudid.Notethepromisesyoudidn’tkeep.Usethefollowingexamples,takenfrompeopleintheYouandMoneyCourse,togetyougoing:

LOIS: I filed a false claim on my insurance. When my house wasburglarized,Ireportedthatmymother’sdiamondringhadbeenstolenwhenitwasn’t.It’sthereinthebackofmymindeverytimeIwearthering.

DON:Ididn’treporttotheIRS$4,500Imadeunderthetableatmymail-order business last year. I tell my wife I’m not worried and thateveryoneelsedoesit.ButwheneverwegetaletterfromtheIRS,I’msureit’sgoingtobeanoticethattheyfoundoutandI’mgoingtobeaudited.

ART:Imakepersonallong-distancecallsatworkandchargeittothecompany.I’venevertoldanyone,leastofallmyboss.

CHANTEL: I take pencils, pens, and paper from the stationery storewhereIwork.ItellmyselfIdeserveitbecausetheownerpaysmesuchasmallsalary.Butitweighsonme.LatelyIhaven’twantedtogointowork.WhenshelooksatmesometimesI’mjustsuresheknows.

SIDNEY: Ihaven’tpaidchild support for thepast twoyears. IknowI’mordered toby thecourt,but I’m reallyangrywithmyex.She’sbeenlivingwiththisotherguy.I’msureshe’sbeentryingtoturnmykidsagainstme.

Makesureyoulisteven thesmallest items.MonkeyMindmaytellyou that

theydonotmakeadifference. If theycameup, theymakeadifference.Whataboutthenewspaper(s)youtookwithoutpaying?Thetimeawaitressgaveyoubacktoomuchchangeandyoudidnottellher?Theitem(s)youhaveshoplifted?Thetimeyouboughtadressorshirt,woreit toaparty,andthenreturnedittothe department store for a refund? Raiding your child’s piggy bank withoutpermission?Slippingintoadditionalmoviesatmultiple-screentheaterswithoutpaying?We all have items like this. What are yours? Cough it all up. Also, no

dawdling orwallowing allowed. If you hearMonkeyMind’s chatter, give it awaveandkeepongoing.Ifyouhavedonetheabove,evenifyouhavelistedjustoneitem,bravo!You

are getting in shape to have a powerfully free and creative relationship withmoney,yourgoals,andyourdreams.2. Take one of the items you listed above. Youmight want to start with a

relativelysmall itemat first.Let’ssay thatsomeonewrote,“The timeIstoleatubeoftoothpastefromthesupermarket.”Onacleanpieceofpaperfromyournotebook,drawalargebox.Writethisitemonthetopofthebox.Writeallthereasons,justifications,rationalizations,thoughts,theories,andfeelingsthatwentalongwiththisbehavior.Berealaboutit.Thisisnotthetimetocensorwhatyouwrite.Write until you have emptied your entire structure of knowingonto the

pieceofpaper.Get italloutofyourhead.Takeamomentand lookatall thisstuff.Howdoyoufeelasyoureadit?3.Drawanotherboxandputinit“Whatithascostmetohavedonethisand

not cleaned it up.” The cost will show up in terms of money, time, physicalenergy, and emotional comfort. This is the imbalance. Be thorough withyourself.Didyoureturntothatsupermarketagain?Ifso,didyoufeeltense?Didyouusethattoothpaste?Howwasyournextdentalcheckup?Ifyouarewilling,youwillencounter relatedcosts thatyounevermighthavenoticed.Theyhavealwaysbeenthere.4. Look at the two boxes. Do you see the energy that has gone into

maintaining this imbalance?Nowaskyourself thequestionsweall face in theYouandMoneyCourse:

HaveIhadenoughofdoingmylifethisway?AmIwillingtomoveontomorefreedom?

5. If the answer is “No,” remember that we are talking about willing, not

wanting.Youmaybeafraidtoclearthisup.Youmaynotwantto.MonkeyMindmaybegoingamileaminutehere.Areyouwilling?Thetruthis,youknowyouarewillingorelseyouwouldnothavebegunthisexercise.Sotakeadeepbreathandjustsay“Yes.”6.TakeoutyourStandardsofIntegrity.LooktoseewhatspecificStandards

aremissingfromphysicalrealitywhilethisitemgoesuncollected.Forexample,what might be missing in the case of the stolen toothpaste are: honest,trustworthy,prosperous,andintelligent.Afteryouhaveassessedwhat ismissing,askyourself the following:“Since

these aremy Standards of Integrity, howwould someonewho is __________(fillinthewordforthemissingStandards)cleanupthissituation?”The woman above completed the sentence this way: “Since these are my

Standards of Integrity, how would someone who is honest, trustworthy,prosperous,andintelligentcleanupthissituation?”7. Now we correct the imbalance. We clean up the mess. Regarding the

current situation, theAuthenticActionwas relatively simple. Shewent to thesupermarketwhereshehadstolenthetoothpasteandtoldthecashierthatshehadnotbeenchargedforatubeoftoothpasteonherlasttrip.Shehadthecostaddedtoherpresentcharges.Shepaidforitthenandthere.Balancewasrestored.Whenyoubegintocorrectitemstorestoreintegrity,followtheseguidelines:

•Donotleaveanythingout.TakingAuthenticActionmeanscleaningupeverymess.Thisgoesforincometaxevasion,returningstolengoods,ormakinggoodonanolddebt.•Bepersistent.Onepersonhadtoworkcloselywithhisinsurancecompanyto

getittoacceptacheckforanitemhehadmisreported.Therewasnocategoryinthe computer for client reimbursements to them!Awomanwho had filed forbankruptcyretractedvoluntarilybeforethefinalhearing.Herbankhadalreadywrittenoffhercredit-carddebt,soshespentafewweeksandfinallypersuadedthemtoacceptherpaymentson thedefunctaccount.The result,however,wasthat they reinstated her credit. The bank had never before done this withcustomerswhohadfiledforbankruptcy.

Theresultsof takingthesedifficultactionsoftenseemmiraculous.Someoneelsereturned$1,100indisabilityoverpaymentsfromacountyagencyforwhichhehadworked.Areportersooncalledandwantedtointerviewhimasoneofa“dyingbreedofhonestpeople.”Anothermanreported that theIRSagentwithwhomhewasworkingbecamevisiblyrelievedwhenheopenlyadmittedtoherthathehadnotpaidhisfulltaxesthepreviousyear.Hetoldherhewasn’tgoingtomakeanyexcusesforit,andtookfullresponsibilityforwhathehaddone.Herresponsewastohelphimfigureoutawaytopaywhatheowedintheeasiest,mostpainlesswaypossible.If you notice some cynicism creeping in as you read these accounts, with

MonkeyMind actively commenting about these foolhardy do-gooders, take adeepbreath.Askyourself thequestion“Whatinterestsmemore,holdingontomy cynicism or havingmy goals and dreams become reality?” Pick one.Youcan’thaveboth.8.Clean items up in away thatworks for you andwill not get you in any

trouble.Ifyouaregoingtocleanupanitemwithlegalimplications,getadvicefromanattorney first. Ifyoucreatemoreofamess throughyouractions,youwillhaveaperfectrationalefornotcorrectingimbalancesinthefuture.Itmaybe necessary to get legal or human-resource consultation before you tell yourbossaboutsomethinglikepersonalchargesonacompanyphonebill.YoumaywanttoconsultataxattorneyorCPAbeforegoingtotheIRS.Therearewaystocleanupthesesituationswithoutputtingyourselforothersinjeopardy.9. Ifcleaningup themesshas todowithanotherperson,getsupport.Usea

friend,counselor,orlovedonesothatyoudoitinawaythatdemonstratesyourStandardsofIntegrity.Itdoesnogoodtolayyourguiltatsomeoneelse’sfeet.Get proper coaching before you handle the situation.This is theway to bring

aboutbalancewithintegrityandcompassion.Alsobemindfulof theprinciplereflected inAlcoholicsAnonymous’sNinth

Step,“Makedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.”Asyoucleanupmesses,keepyourStandardsofIntegrityinmindsothatyoudon’tcreatemoretroublebyharmingothers.10.TakespecificAuthenticActions.Inalmosteveryinstance,youknowwhat

todo.Youhaveawellspringofwisdominyourheart,andit’stimetoshowit.Setadatebywhichyouwilltakeaction,thendoit!Onemanrememberedatimetwenty-fiveyearsearlierwhenhestole$16fromasummercamp’sstore.Healsorecalledthatheneverwantedtogobackto thatcampagain.Oranycamp,forthatmatter.Theplaceitselfnolongerexists,sotocreatebalancehetookthe$16andaddedtwenty-fiveyears’worthof interest.Thenhedonatedthat$250toalocalcharity.Balanceandintegritywererestored.Ifnospecificactioncomestomind,sitwithitforawhile.Getcounselfrom

someoneyouknowwhowillsupportyouinhandlingthismatter.Itdoesnogoodto talk with someone who might collude with you about not having to doanything.11.Takeafewminutesandacknowledgeyourselfeverytimeyoucompletean

item. Do not rush on to the next task. Every hero needs a moment ofreplenishment. Let someone know what a good job you are doing; rewardyourselfwithalittlefun.Do your IntegrityAerobicswith increasingly difficult items. Themore you

resolve, the more balance and energy you will experience. Integrity Aerobicsgets easierwith time.As you experiencemore relief, youwill seewhen yourintegrityismissing—beforeitshowsupinyourbehavior.Youcanthencutitoffat thepass.For right now, acknowledgeyourself for beingwilling to seewhoyoureallyareandtakingactiontoexpressit.Whatdoyouexperienceasyouworkthroughtheitemsinthisexercise?You

may want to make a point of doing the exercise that follows this one,acknowledging instances for gratitude every night before you go to sleep.Domoreinstancesseemtoarise?Arethereopeningsandopportunitieswherethereseemed to be none?Were they always there, just waiting for you to be clearenoughtoperceivethem?One ofmy favorite stories comes from awomanwhowanted to travel the

worldforhercompanybuthadn’thadtheopportunity.Sheowed$6,000intaxesshehadnot reportedfromconsultingshedidon theside.Onemonthaftershesenther check for this amount to the IRS,her companyofferedher a job thatinvolvedworld travel—ata salary thatmore thanmadeup foranymoneyshehadpaidintaxes.Onehappyperson!

The results of this work are best summed up by amanwho said, “I sleepbetteratnight.I’mnotafraidtoreadmymail.Idon’thavetokeeptrackofanyliesI’vetold.Mybusinesshasbeenexpandingasneverbefore.It’ssimple.Andyes,itisjustfinewithmethatthingshavegotteneasier.”

Exercise:TheActiveDemonstrationofIntegrityThisisasimpleprocess.Itcanbeimplementedeveryday.Isuggestyoutryitforatleasttwoweeks.

1.Eachmorningwhenyouarise,getasmallpieceofpaperandwritedownthespecificStandardsofIntegrityyou’rewillingtodemonstratethatday.Pickonesthatyousensewouldbolsteryouonthatday.2. Carry that paper with you. Before any important or potentially difficult

meeting or interaction, take it out and look at the specific Standards you saidyou’ddemonstrate.3.Noteanybreakthroughsyou’rehavinginyourabilitytocommunicateinan

empoweringway.Areyounoticingmiracles?4.Finally,lookattheplacesinyourlifeinwhichcontributingmoneywould

beactivelydemonstratingyourStandardsofIntegrity:politicalcauses,spiritualcenters,medicalresearch,education,alocalcharity,animalwelfare.Pickatleastonethatcallsouttoyou.Donatetoitwithinthenextweek.

Exercise:BasicAffirmationTrainingRestoring the balance in your life with Integrity Aerobics makes room forgratitude.Asyoulearntolookatyourlifewithopeneyesandagratefulheart,youwillnoticeyourheart expandingandallowingyou toexperienceeven theuncomfortableaspectsofabundancewithoutpushingthemaway.For this exercise youwill needyour notebook and inspirationalwritings by

yourfavoriteauthorsorpoets.Itwilltakeabouttenminutesofquiettimeattheend of each day. You may do this for one week, but for best results do thisexercise for thirty days. Please note that for some of us, just engineering ten

minutesofquiettimeatthecloseofthedayisamiracle.Tryit!1.Eachnightbeforeyougo tosleep, list three instances fromyourday that

evokeasenseofgratitudewithinyou.Itdoesnotmatterhowbigorsmalltheymayseem.Keepyournotebookbyyourbedandmakeyourlistbeforeyouturnout the light.Youmayfindsituationsforwhichgratitude isaneasyandreadyresponse—ajobwelldone,thesmileofachild,oragoodmeal.2. Youmay notice that you are unable to come up with three instances of

gratefulness.Thismaybe especially trueduring the first daysof this practice.Askyourself,“Whatdoubts,worriesorotherthoughtsamIlisteningtoinstead?”Writeyour answerson a sheetofpaper that is notpart of thenotebook.Thenthrow that paper away and go back and list three instances forwhich you aregrateful.3.Youwill probablyhave times inwhichgratitude seemsahighlyunlikely

response, as in the case of difficult or distressing events in your life. This iswhere the exercise becomes more challenging. Try asking yourself, “Am Iwillingtodiscoverawaytorespondwithgratitude,eveninthissituation?AmIwilling to see the important lessons here?” If the answer is “No,” don’t pushyourselfintosaying“Yes.”Itissufficientthatyouwerewillingtoasktheabovequestions and answer truthfully. You can try again tomorrow with the sameincident.4.Findsomewritingthatinspiresyouandreadit.Itmightbeasonnet,averse

from the Bible, theUpanishads, poetry, or a passagewritten by your favoritemotivational or spiritual author. Anything. Just allow yourself to read for tenminutes.Thatisusuallysufficienttoraisethegratitudequotient.Thenreturntothe situation and ask yourself; “What is there about the situation that couldevokegratefulness?WhatmightIlearnfromthis?”Ifyoufindsomethingaboutwhich tobegrateful,write itdown. Ifnot,give it andyourselfa restuntil thenextday.Reviewwhat you havewritten after the firstweek.Are there any patterns?

Howdoyoufeelasyoulookoveryourwriting?

RON:ItfeltgoodtoreadwhatI’dwritten.OnenightIcamehomeafteraparticularlylousydayatwork.Onmywaytochangeclothes,Ipassedbythenotebook.Iopeneditandbegantoreadmynotationsongratefulness.Ifeltbetterimmediatelyandhadagreateveningwithmyfamily.

SUZ:Iwasjustabouttoleadadifficultstaffmeeting.Wehadfoundwe were $10,000 over budget on a $50,000 project. Ordinarily I’d beagitated and everyone would be walking on eggshells around me. I

happened to have my notebook with me that morning and spent threeminutesreadingoversomeofmyentries.BythetimeIenteredthemeetingroom,Iwascalmer.Wesolvedtheprobleminrecordtime.Igottouseitasoneofmymanifestationsofgratefulness.

Shareyourresultswithafriend.Areyouwillingtocarrythisexerciseforward

foratotalofthirtydays?

Exercise:ContemplatingGratitudeThe finalprocess I’d like to sharewithyouwill increaseyour ability tobringgratitude into thepresentmoment, the spacewheremiracles arepossible. It isverysimpletodo.AlthoughIrecommendthatyoubeginwithtenminutes,youmay findyoucan increase this to twentyminutesover time.Remember, theseprocesses are designed to open your heart to experiencing the true nature ofabundance,andasyoudothemyouwillevokegratitudeineverydayevents.You will need a small spiral pad that fits in your purse or pocket. Give

yourselfthirtyminutesforthisexercise.1.Standinaplace,athomeoroutside,whereyoufeelcomfortable.Ifyoudo

this inagroup,makesureyouaresomeplacewhereyouhaveenoughroomtowalk aroundwithout bumping into one another.Begin a slowwalk, exploringyourenvironment.Makesureyouarebreathingeasilyanddeeply.2.Begintosearchconsciouslyforobjectsorscenesthatbringyouasenseof

joy,peace,orhappysurprise.Asyoudothis,noteyourexperienceinyoursmallspiralpad.Besuretodescribewhatisgoingonbothoutsideandinsideofyou.Lookcloselyatordinaryitems.Doyouseedewonleaves?Haveyounoticedthetextureonthecoveringofyourfavoritepillow?Youmightmakenotesthatlooklikethis:

•Iseetheshellofanacorn,withtwoleavesattached.•Itlooksliketheleavingsofasquirrel.Ilovesquirrels.•Ismellarose.Itsouterpetalsarered,buttheinneronesarepink.It’ssosoft.

I’mgladIfoundit.•Iamlookingatthephotoofmygreat-auntAnna.Sheissmilingatme.•Myheartfeelswarm.

3.Continuethisexercisefortenminutes.Thisisaformofwalkingmeditation.Itrequiresattention.Everytimeyourinnerconversationstakeyouaway,pause.Takeoneortwodeepbreaths.Keepyourstomachloose.Bringyourselfbacktothepresentmoment.Searchforwhatbringsyoujoy,peace,orhappysurprise.4.Youmayfindthatnothingevokesthesereactionsinyou.Takeanotherdeep

breath.Thatyouareevenengaginginthisexercisemeansyouareopeningtheway for the experienceofgratefulness. Itwill come,mostprobablywhenyouleast expect it. Recall what happens when you’re trying unsuccessfully torememberaname.Themoreyoustrugglewithit,themoreelusiveitbecomes.Whenyouletgoofthestruggle,thenameappearsinyourconsciousness.That’swhatwillhappenhere foryou.Justbeingwilling todo thisexercisemaybeaspecialopportunityforgratitude.5.Ifyoucontinuetohavedifficultydiscoveringthejoyinordinaryitems,try

this:Takeanorangeorbanana.Sitdownandholditinyourhands.Lookcloselyatthefinelinesormarksontheskin,itstextureandcolor.Removethepeelandlookatthefruitwithin.Breatheinitssmell.Nowtakeasectionofthefruit.Holdittouptolight.Tasteit.Whatdoyounotice?Isgratitudebeginningtopeekoutfrombetweenyourtastebuds?6.Lookatwhatyouhavewritten.Inyourownwords,writewhatgratitudeis

for you. Your heart is full and wise. Let your wisdom surface. How do youdescribethisphenomenoninawaythatismeaningfulforyou?7.Howwoulditaffectyouandthosearoundyouifyouweretorecognizethe

giftseachdaybrings?Howwouldthissimplifyhowyoulive?Howdoesyourheartfeelattheendofthispractice?Woulditbeallrightwith

youtofeelthiswaymostofthetime?OrwouldMonkeyMindtellyou,“Lifeispassingyoubywhenyoufeelthisgood.Thisisn’treallife.We’resupposedtobe struggling here.” Given that the chatter may never go away, you have animportantchoicetomake:

•AmImoreinterestedinengagingwithMonkeyMindormyheart?Whichbringsmeasenseofpeace?•HaveIhadenoughofdoinglifethehardway?•AmIreadytoexperiencegratitudeeveryday?

Shareyourresultswithafriend.Itisvaluabletohearyourselftalkingaboutyourdiscoveriesregardinggratitude.FranzKafkaoncewrote:“Youneednotdoanything.Remainsittingatyour

tableandlisten,andyouneednotevenlisten,justwait,andyouneednotevenwait,justbecomequiet,still,andsolitary,andtheworldwillofferitselftoyoutobeunmasked;ithasnochoice.Itwillrollinecstasyatyourfeet.”Iwish you the ecstasy of discovering gratitude in every day of your life. I

wishyouthejoyoflivingfullyandopenlywithabundance.

Workingwiselywithenergyandopeningyourselftoitspowerwillchangeyou.Atthebeginningofourjourneytogether,itmayhaveseemedthatthegoalofourworkwas to claim a prize—to lay hands on things, or perhaps the cold hardcash, that would finally make us feel safe and secure. But the real rewardsyou’veearnedonthewaytoyourdreamsaremuchlarger.EmmetFoxoncewroteanallegoryaboutfools’gold,theshinymaterialthat

looks so much like gold that you can’t tell the difference. He said newprospectorswaste timeandhardworkbefore theysee that it’snot thegenuinearticle.Howcouldyou tell the real thing?Advice fromexperiencedminers tothe novice was that if they thought they’d found gold, they probably hadn’t,becausewhenthendidfindgold,theywouldknowitforsure.Foxwrote that there aremany kinds of fools’ gold to be found in life.But

whenwemeetupwiththerealthing,therewillbenodoubtinourminds.Thetruegoldweseekgivesuspeaceandclarity.Itgivesusasenseoffreedomandpowerbecausewe’renolongerin“bondagetopassingmaterialthings.”Fools’gold,hesaid,usuallytakestheformofmaterialriches,socialprominence,poweroverothers,andthegratificationofwhims.TruegoldisthesenseofaPresencemuchlargerthanourselves,whichisthetruepurposeofourlives.Theworkyou’vedonehasgivenyou thepower tounearth the truegoldof

your life.That’s the real rewardyou’veearnedon theway toyourdreams.Tolookatyourlife,toseeit,andtotellthetruthaboutitisanactofrawcourage.Itis daring to take Authentic Action in order to transform your life, despiteeverything you’ve always believed about who and what you are. And tocontinue, fully awake,with gentleness towardyourself and the people in yourlife, requires deep compassion. You’ve demonstrated these things, time andagain,bydoingtheworkinthisbook.Drawyourdreamsfromyourheart—theonesthatbringyoujoy,theonesthat

seem justoutofyourgrasp—andmake themrealwith theenergyofyour lifeandtheenergyofmoney.TheTreasureMapsyou’vecreatedarefilledwiththeradiantenergyofyour

own passion. Let them remind you of the joy that’s pulling you forward. TheStandardsofIntegrityyou’veestablishedaretruereflectionsofwhatyouvaluemost in life. Let them be the firm ground that you walk on. Use everythingyou’velearnedtocontributetotheworldandthevisionsthatonlyyoucanoffer,thefullexpressionofyourtalentsandwhoyoureallyare.Yourgreatestlessonsaredisguisedasobstacles.Embracethem,too,forthegiftstheyare.We can see the hero as a mythological character so far removed from

everydaylifethattheconcepthasnorelevanceforus.Butwoulditbeallrightwith you if you recognized the hero in everyone, including yourself? That, I

think,isthebasisofalifewelllived.Youareahero.Weallare.Myhopeforyouisthatyouwillconnectnotonlywithyourdreamsbutwith

thesenseofeasethatyouweredesignedtohave.Woulditbeallrightwithyouiflifegoteasier?Ihopeyouwillusethe12Principlestoremindyouthatmoney’struepurpose

is to serve the largerpurposeofyour life.Mayyou stayon thehero’spath tocreatealifeforyourselfthatisadventurousinsteadofsafe,thoughtfulinsteadofexpedient.Mayitbealifethatislivedawakeineachmoment,alifethatis,inallways,

rich.

MARIA NEMETH, a UCLA graduate, is a licensed clinical psychologist and anationally recognized seminar leader and speaker. Dr. Nemeth kept a privatepractice for twenty-eight years, during which she worked with individuals,couples, and families. She has over thirty years’ experience in working withalcoholism, drug abuse, and community-based crisis intervention programsaroundthecountry.Shehastrainedpeopleandteamsincommunicationskillsinthepublic,private,military,andnonprofitsectors.Shewasanassociateclinicalprofessor atUCDavis School ofMedicine,Department of Psychiatry, and anassistant professor in psychology at California State University, DominquezHills.Forsevenyearssheservedasagovernor’sappointeetothestatelicensingboardforclinicalpsychologists.Maria is the founder of You and Money, a personal and professional

development/transformational seminar that shows people how to shift theirrelationship with money from scarcity to abundance. Her work is directed tosuccessful communication, authentic action, partnership, and extraordinaryresults with ease. Thousands of people have taken this course. She teachesseminars at Esalen Institute,Mt.MadonnaConferenceCenter, the Institute ofNoeticSciences,ReverendJohnnieColemon’sUniversalFoundationforBetterLiving, and the Association of Unity Churches Regional and NationalConferences.MariaalsotravelsaroundtheUnitedStatesandCanadaconductinghercoursesforlocalUnityandotherNewThoughtchurches.CoursesthatMariaNemethAssociatesconductinclude:YouandMoney,TheHeartofYourMoneyMatters,Life’sWork,BeingCoach, Forgiveness,BefriendingYourBody, TheTeamWorksSeries,andGiftedCommunication.MariaisaformercolumnistfortheSacramentoBusinessJournal,whereher

column,“MindOverMoney,”appearedfortwoyears.Maria’sfirstbook,YouandMoney:WouldItBeAllRightwithYouIfLifeGot

Easier? was published in 1997.Her first audio cassette series,The Energy ofMoney,wasproducedbySoundsTruein1997.For information about and registration in courses offered byMariaNemeth

Associates,includingtheYouandMoneyCourse,visitwww.youandmoney.comorcall800-835-9782.