PAGE 1 THE CENTRALIAR

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Central High School of PhiladelphiaTHE C entralspyer

The hamBurglar

Since 2018, rumors of construction have traveled through the halls and loud noises disrupted some classes during the fourth marking period. Since then, rumors have fallen and the dreaded day never came. Rising juniors and seniors were devastated by the news that they would not be able to drive to school after they finally got their liscences, and teachers would have to park blocks away if construction did occur. However, classes were interrupted by the sounds of cords being threaded through the walls for cameras instead of by construction truck noises, but the question still remains: will construction day ever come? Though we do not like to admit this in physics, construction day seems to be at a distance of infinity (though not physically

possible, figuratively accurate). Procrastination, though students are punished and chastised for it, plagues the world and does not hesitate to infect construction workers and the District. A possible explanation for the delay could be the recent snowfall. When students follow the inaccurate bus schedules on the School District’s webpage on snowy days and trek to school, construction workers choose to stay home and binge watch Netflix, or whatever it is workers do on snow days…because it surely is not fixing potholes near Olney. Usually, once a group of students graduates, the school from which they left improves. Graduation from elementary school caused computers to be installed, middle school graduation was followed by recess, and high school graduation has yet to implant its effects on us. One day, when the classes of 278-281 come back to school, the construction may be done, but until then, the world may never know what happens at infinity.

jezzica.vovl#ToInfinityAndBeyond

Construction at a Distance → ∞

Candid Cameras: I Spy with my Little Eye

I Spied on Tristan Jennings for a Day… Here’s What I Learned

Partners in KRYM#ISeeYou

Tristan Jennings…• Wears the same Adidas pants

every single day.• Writes raps about how the form of

a poem matches its function.• Choreographs interpretive dances

to fairy tales. • Turns every conversation into one

about himself.• Always puts his pen in his ear.• Wipes his nose before raising his

hand to answer a question.• TALKS A LOT.• Stands and walks like a muscle

man.• Desperately wishes he could

speak Spanish.• Owns “Dude Wipes”.• Shaved his head back in July...

now look where his hair stands. • Sings in the school choir.• Always claims he’s “bulking for

volleyball season” by bringing in huge cans of peanut butter and big containers of plain rice. Where are the calories going?

• Says “Shut up fool” when someone says something he doesn’t appreciate.

• Secures his prom date before even promposing.

• Is wearing tux-shorts to prom.• Is in IB, so everyone

automatically has a bias against him.

• Practices his signature on his class notes as a way of doodling.

• Practices his bro handshake with every boy he passes in the hallways.

• Sleeps as soon as he gets home and wakes every morning at 4:00 am to finish his English reflections and math homework.

• Obsessed with Irish poet, William Butler Yeats.

2018-2019 has been a monumental school year thus far, the most notable and defining event being the new camera system that was recently installed. Long-awaited (and long-dreaded), the cameras span every inch and crevice of the school, capturing the most bizarre and unusual happenings at our dear ol’ high. Reading this, you are probably reacting one of two ways: 1. You are thinking to yourself, “Hmm, there are cameras in every corner of the school? That’s pretty interesting!” or 2. You are frantically scanning your memory and retracing your steps, trying to figure out what the cameras may have captured since their installment. You think to yourself, “Wait, there are cameras everywhere? Oh crap!” If you are on the latter end of these two scenarios, all of your worries are absolutely valid. You should be afraid (I know I am). Over the past several months, the cameras

have captured quite the array of unusual events. Here are just a few: • Multiple students assaulting the

vending machines to get their snacks out (the poor machines are thinking of filing lawsuits)

• Lockers opening and closing in the afterhours (I guess Central really is haunted)

• People begging on their knees for

money during bake sales (you’re not a Central student if you’re not broke)

• Sports teams running through the hallways…for those of you in the back, don’t worry, we caught that one time when you tripped and fell

• Janitors forgetting to turn on the heat the one day that it’s -10º

fahrenheit• Mice eating all of the leftover

cafeteria food (on second thought, maybe we’re not haunted…maybe it’s just the mice breaking into the lockers to eat the leftover crumbs at the bottom of the lockers)

• Cultural clubs practicing their dances for International Day (even AFTER International Day already happened…looks like we have a case of denial on our hands)

• Girls covering their spaghetti straps before going to the basement (yes, we saw that, and, yes, you still have detention)

• Stage crew falling asleep underneath the stage

• Teachers conspiring about students (that’s right, we have audio too)

• Students conspiring about teachers (don’t worry, it goes both ways)

• People stealing utensils from the History Office (thanks Mr. Quinn)

• And much, much, more… Next time you’re about to do something questionable, just be warned. We see and hear EVERYTHING.

Ready, Set, Action!

Mar-Yel-iza-Beth Greenley#BulkSeason!!!

The Infi nite Campus

Piles of smiles...and whipped cream.

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atie Chin (280)

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So you’re sitting there at 1 a.m. writing this Centralizer article; the article is due at 8 am, but you haven’t even started it yet. Oh wait, I’m describing myself. This happens to me so often that eventually people and teachers dubbed me the Master PRO-crastinator. A rightfully earned title, as I’ve racked up 278 missing assignments. I am not alone as I know that every Central student eventually experiences that feeling of procrastination. We all are put in this situation due to multiple reasons. Some are lazy, some are busy with other things, and some just don’t want to do it. Why do we wait until the last day to get all our work done? The answer to that question remains unsolved and affects all generations of Central students. It’s been 200 years, yet we cannot fix this problem of procrastination. We are faced with countless midnight essays, labs, and follow-up tests the next day, so we have no choice but to pull an all nighter in order to survive this rigorous college preparatory high school. Eventually, everyone is waving hello to the sleep-deprived culture of Central where everyone brags about getting no sleep. IB Student Harsh Jhaveri (278) states that to get his work done,“I’m awake 25 hours a day. I’m literally bending the laws of the universe so I can get my work done.” While interviewing the co editor-in-chief, Yasmine Mezoury (278), I asked her to give

me a quote for this article, she asked if she could get some more time, she never got back to me… Looks like procrastination has struck her too. More recently our generation watches YouTube or scrolls through Instagram before bed and quickly those minutes spent turn into hours, ultimately resulting in no sleep. Procrastinating on assignments and sleep are very common forms of procrastination. So as the Master PRO-crastinator I will enlighten you with tips to combat the effects of an all nighter or simply hop right to bed.

Tips:1. Drink a gallon of coffee. Your

nervous system will thank you for it!

2. You’re not gonna get sleep, so be prepared to crash the next day, like literally crash and face plant yourself into your pillow.

3. Pay someone to do your assignment and skip the all nighter. You will be surprised by how many underground markets are open.

4. Beg your teacher to extend the deadline when they gave you a month to complete it.

5. Beg your classmates for help.6. Post about it on Snapchat and

complain about it (It really helps, trust me.)

7. Post on Snapchat, “No time for sleep because I’m getting this bread” (This will get you clout.)

8. Sleep on Septa on the way to school. Just watch out for the shoulder of the person next to

The Central Epidemic: pRoCrAsTiNaTiOn

Chalked Newjawn#ToSleepOrNotToSleep

Chau Nguyen (278) falling asleep while writing his Centralizer article

Senioritis = Centralitis

jezzica.vovl#foreal

A worldwide epidemic is plaguing teenagers everywhere, once again. For seniors, college applications are in (for the most part), decisions are made, and heartfelt goodbyes were said. All that is left to do is parade the hallways with overpriced college sweatshirts and perform the mechanical motions of going from class to class every day, right? Well, what about the rest of us? Those of us who still have a year, two, three to go before we, too, can rub our college decisions in the faces of underclassmen. Senioritis has long been known, but is it true, or rather, accurate? Upon coming to Central, many can agree that the first week or so of freshman year is exciting, the rush of independence and adulthood kicking in. However, after those glorious few moments, it gets harder and harder to wake up before the sun rises (shout out to Northeast Philadelphia kids) and trek to school. It is hard to stay positive when everything becomes stressful and important for college, and when a good night’s sleep is just a distant memory. The primary cause of Senioritis is the sight of a light at the end of the tunnel, that the all-nighters, rejected outings, and grey hairs were all for something, and that the goal can be reached. Symptoms include a decrease in grade percentages,

deterioration of “care,” and much more. However, do we not all feel these symptoms occasionally? (If these symptoms increase drastically while in the early stages of high school, please consult your counselor before reading the rest of this article). Thus, the name of this epidemic should be changed to include a broader spectrum of its victims.“Centralitis” better encompasses the current state of the city and its residents (and it has a nice ring to it). Some would go as far as to say that “Centralitis” should be extended to include others who suffer from this contagious disease. Critics believe symptoms can start to occur as early as elementary school. This epidemic has become increasingly predominant with the rise of video games, such as Fortnite (you know who you are). Hours behind the controller have been accredited to “rotting kids’ brains,” ultimately making it more difficult to stay focused on schoolwork.

However, there is hope. A known cure for Senioritis is starting freshman year in a college or university. The once senior is once again at the bottom of the food chain and is again immersed into a new community in

which adulthood becomes a reality. For the rest of us suffering from “Centralitis” and beyond, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Try to take joy in doing work, and take breaks in between intense study sessions. The most important, and also the hardest thing to do to get over this epidemic is to start. Start being productive by creating a schedule and skipping the Netflix and videogames, and the rest will come naturally. Remember, being infected by “Centralitis,” or Senioritis, or “Worlditis” is no excuse for poor performance. If everyone blindly falls victim to the epidemic, society will stand still and flying cars, time travel, and teleportation may never be invented. Be the change and refuse to be infected!

you because you may end up waking up on it.

9. Say your dog ate your homework. Or cat. We don’t discriminate.

10. Pretend to be sick when it’s due so you can get an extra day. *cough cough*

11. Go out and stuff your face and pretend that your assignment doesn’t exist

12. Brag to your friends about how little sleep you got because Central students run on 3 hours of sleep.

13. Or… just take the L. As for that Centralizer article, I think that I might call it a night and hit the bed. This liar article can just add to my seemingly bottomless L list. I am getting so tired….*face plants the desk*

The Centraexpire

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Coffee Addiction is More Serious than We Thought

skrt skrt #StopIt.GetSomeHelp

Welcome to Philadelphia’s most prestigious high school! With exceptional scores and unfaltering student attendance, Central High School definitely does not disappoint. But what are students really hiding behind that mask of exhaustion? What’s the dark secret behind this cover? Today, we’ll have a look at what really goes down here at Central High School. The root of the problem? Coffee. An anonymous Central student was caught exclaiming, “What’s a better way to keep you alive during your habitual all-nighters than coffee?” What blasphemy! My fellow students, do not heed this person’s advice. Just

look at all those yellow teeth! That itself is proof of the staggering daily coffee intake by the majority of the student population. This dangerous epidemic is spreading at an incredible speed. One student, Sabrina Anton (280), bravely speaks about her experiences. “I drink three cups of black coffee every morning,” she admits, “Without it, I get withdrawal.” Another student, Kaylee Castle (280), confesses, “I rely so much on coffee that I practically bathe in it sometimes.” All this coffee intake is bound to turn these poor Central students into a mob of zombies. In order to prevent teeth staining and sleep deprivation, I strongly encourage that news be spread and banners be hung—coffee is a crime. Don’t be brainwashed and help join the fight against coffee today.

Espressos do not cure depressos.

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Each morning, students grudgingly wake up to their alarms blaring. They sadly get ready for the long, tedious day ahead of them. As they leave the door, they grab their bookbag full of the homework they have yet to finish. Along the way to school, they make their daily stop to pick up their coffee or breakfast. It’s not from just any place that’s open at the break of dawn, but specifically at Dunkin’. Now, not everyone gets it from Dunkin’, but about 99% of the students do. However, not all students make their ritual Dunkin’ stop before arriving at school. Some risk being late by stopping at the forever crowded Dunkin’ on Broad and Olney for a quick coffee dose. Central kids get off there to buy or pick up the one thing they look forward to in the morning. Central students go to this Dunkin’ so often, that we might as well be their spokespeople. The students get their daily dose of Dunkin’, but they still have to make their way to school. Some take the next 26 or 18 available to them up to Central, but others are more daring and trek down the mile-long hill to school. These students are quite courageous for walking the mountain-like hill. They are practically training to be in a marathon from all the walking they’ve done to get to and from Central. This just goes to show how much commitment Central students put into getting their daily dose of Dunkin’ each and every morning.

is.not.a.bell#DunkinDonutsDunkinGoNuts

At Central, the bright orange and pink logo decorates the halls in the early mornings. No matter where you turn, you can see the iconic logo litter the halls in forms of paper bags, plastic cups, and napkins. As the day continues, you can see the remnants of the beloved Dunkin’ breakfast scatter the trash cans and down hallways. Sometimes you might even see someone pull out their afternoon Dunkin’ coffee or donut for a boost. Dunkin’ is a Central student’s staple; it acts as one of the main ways students survive through the early mornings and late afternoons. Students treat Dunkin’ like the holy grail and support it so much that Dunkin’ should just sponsor our school! Maybe even make one in the cafeteria! Central students practically live off of Dunkin’: their key to surviving the school day.

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Jillian Gatmaitan (280) enjoying

The Espressolizer

Central Runs on Dunkin’

her daily dose of Dunkin’.

Sign Up Now! AP Lunch

Breaking news to all! Students can now sign up for AP lunch on the course selection site!This rigorous class challenges food-loving students to strive for bigger and better things. Students will be able to grasp basic knowledge of the names of dishes on the cold and warm daily menu. Not only will you be an expert in differentiating between the vast choices of meats, you will attain

skrt skrt#MakeSureToGetAFIVEGUYS

the ability of inputting your ID number in less than two seconds. As a fast paced course, AP Lunch runs on one motto—be quick! Decisions must be made in a split nanosecond. Any moment longer will cause distress for all. No one wants to hear a lunch lady’s reassuring words of “get your life together.”

After all, as a class that strives to strengthen your ego, prepare you to deal with humiliation, and lower your self esteem, you will learn to receive constructive criticism that will help you in the long run. The most popular mottos to ever be written down in Lunch history are, “HURRY UP” and “TAKE A FRUIT.” Not only can these pieces of advice allow you to live a life full of nutrition, but your friends will thank you for your consideration in keeping their health in a highly impressive state. Just remember to say please,

thank you, and also, you better clean up the filthy mess on the table, which you did not make, by the way. Don’t make the friendly lunch ladies hate you for the rest of your life. On that note, as a former victi—I mean, student of this course, AP Lunch is definitely the class that you would want to take.

Don’t pull out homework! Eat your lunch!

AP Lunch

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PAGE 4 THE CENTRALIAR

You increase the margins to 1.5, the font size to 13, make your periods and commas 14 pt font, and turn all of the contractions in your paper into their two-word equivalents, and you still can not make your paper fill the 3-page length requirement. You become depressed because you knew you should have read the Odyssey when the teacher assigned readings and now you have to find ways around filling the space. However, do not fear because the greatest achievement in the history

of typography has finally arrived. Times “Newer” Roman is a font designed to take up more space than its predecessor Times New

Times “Newer” Roman

How to Survive Central for DummiesICouldn’tThinkOfANameInTime

#50PoundBackpack

To clear up any confusion, Central has published a standardized list of supplies for the next year. The list will apply to all students across all classes. When asked about the list, President McKenna said, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Now, without further ado, here is the official 2020-2021 Central supply list:• 137 No. 2 pencils (47 wood, 90

mechanical)• ½ of a tissue box• 12 binders, each of a different size• Three 221-page notebooks• One pen in every existing color

• A second hand Central hoodie• A purple whiteboard marker• A clay model of a smartboard• 1,000 paper towels (Individually

boxed)• The printed sparknotes page for

every book in the Central English curriculum

• 1,234 individually hole-punched

Mar-Yel-iza-Beth Greenley#Hover’sReflections?

Things You Think of Walking Up the Central Hill

Linneus Labrarius#IT’sLARAbyEnOW

As the average Centralian starts their school day, all can agree that a Central student does not start their day off right if they do not tread up the massive hill, either enjoying the early dose of a leg work out or beginning a countdown to the 3:04 bell. No matter if the hike is enjoyable or not, such mere thoughts always come to mind...

1. Time to cross the street- oh wait, I forgot, I actually have to use the pedestrian lights

2. I feel bad for the drivers that wait a long time in traffic

3. One just honked at me4. Nevermind then...5. How do people repaint

crosswalks; aren’t they bound to get ruined?

6. ConKreeete7. Ouch, the incline hurts8. Does it look like I’m climbing

Mount Everest in an ant’s perspective?

9. Which came first? Ant or aunt? 10. What if the creator of the English

language named his ant after his aunt, which is why so many people pronounce both words the same…

11. Speaking of words12. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious13. What does it mean again14. I swear it sounds like a- did

someone just cough?15. Disease.16. What if an epidemic of the

bubonic plague randomly occurred at central?

17. Would I survive?18. Oooof19. Speaking of plagues20. Shout out to the unvaccinated21. I still didn’t do any homework22. My brain hurts37. What if I just run out of breaths due to my lack of endurance on this hill?38. What if there’s a hobbit living in this hill?47. I feel like a bird on a mountain48. Scaw49. Do they actually say that? 50. I swear they only say chirp51. Even tweet’s a stretch56. Is Trump a bird57. Is that why he always tweets… lol67. Imma bring back vine and call it branch- just watch75. How much snow do I have to step in to get to the door?76. One inch77. Two inches78. Three inches79. What comes after three?80. Oh, wait, infinity cuz imma keep walking up this hill for ETERNITY.94. Time to decide: senior door or freshie door95. Should I actually wait until I’m wearing both my cardigan and class ring?96. Nah, imma just take the senior door99. Nvm, off to the freshie door100. Shoot, where’s my ID?101. Guess I gotta tell Ms. Scott that I need one for the 25th time now...

papers• A red fidget spinner• An animal mask• A dead Lithium-Ion battery• An authentic Jason Kelce jersey• A knockoff graphing calculator• Every transpass distributed in the

last year• A birds eye view drawing of the

gym• A nintendo switch with Super

Smash Bros Ultimate• One piece of equipment for every

major American sport So there you have it. Every school supply required for the upcoming school year.

Roman. According to the Times Newer Roman website (yes, fonts get their own websites too) the new font is “5-10% wider” than the traditional Times

New Roman. This new font would allow someone to get away with writing 13% less words than with the Timers “Older” Roman. Their website suggests that one can write a 15-page single-space Junior Thesis, Extended Essay, Psychology IA, or a long analysis of the role of Love in Romeo and Juliet, using only 5,833 words as opposed to 6,680 words with Times New Roman. Now, whether this new font will be accepted in the adequate MLA standard format remains to be debated over by teachers. Nevertheless, students still have to be careful when a teacher assigns them a specific word count to work with instead of a page requirement.

See the difference?!

Ready, Set, Action: Gritty Takes Sesame The Sesame Recipe

#FratBoyGritty

“He looks like an orange Oscar from Sesame Street!” exclaimed Frances Yu (278). Recently, the iconic Philadelphia Flyers mascot, Gritty, took to Hollywood for a shot on the big screen on the popular kids’ television show, Sesame Street. Tired of his job on the ice, Gritty wanted to share his true talents on television. Reported on the Guardian as “... a nightmarish frat boy who communicates only in bro-friendly gestures – the guy who was loudly present at every college party but had never experienced true friendship,” Gritty stands as Philly’s very own muppet. Producer Samuel Gibbon sighed, commenting, “Gritty was just not meant for television. He didn’t have that showbiz spirit and, quite honestly, looked crazy during the whole audition. His googly eyes popped out of his eye sockets and a couple of times his eyes rolled completely

backward. It gave me the shivers.” Producer Jon Stone added, “He would have scared the kids away, which is bad for business.” Guest star, Cookie Monster, was also present during Gritty’s audition and hysterically screamed, “Cookie!Cookie!Coookkkkiieeeee!” while running away with a giant cookie in his mouth. Upon first impression, Frank Yang (278) commented, “He [Gritty] is scary.” Although Hollywood did not replace the ranks for Flyer’s mascot Gritty, creator Brian Allen, expressed, “Gritty will always be honored as the source of the city’s passion and spirit. Go Flyers! Go Gritty!” Gritty won’t be prancing down Sesame Street any time soon, but he will soon be dancing at the Wells Fargo Center. Be sure to come out and support the frat muppet.

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The Normalizer

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Philly Who?

As Central students, we tend to assume everyone knows who we are, our status, diversity, and size, however, we often fail to explore Central’s legacy outside of Philadelphia’s walls. As many are aware, Philadelphia in itself is not nearly as big as the community that claims to live in it. Students in Lower Moreland, for instance, would claim to be from Philadelphia when asked where they are from, however, are oblivious to what it means to be a Philadelphian. Suburb students will never understand what it is like to trek to school via trains, buses that don’t come according to the posted schedule, and then walk home in the biting cold. Outside of Philadelphia, students complain about ten-minute drives when some wake up at 5:40 to come to school by 8:01, like those of us that live in the Northeast. February offered the ACT, and some Central students, such as myself, took the risky trip outside of Philly to take the exam. Arriving at the destination was an adventure in itself, with the various buildings almost incomparable in size to ours, which I once thought were huge. There is a large pool, presumably larger than ours on the fifth floor, various fields, and much more. The classes are smaller, yet there are much more of them. The students themselves look just like those in Philadelphia at first

jezzica.vovl#Philly>Suburbs

glance, but in conversation it becomes obvious that they are foreigners when Philadelphia talk, such as jawn and “woter” fails to come up. When asked what school I go to, I proudly answered Central High School, preparing myself for the familiar gasps and expectations of greatness. I was underwhelmed when the entire group did not recognize

Sorry, I Don’t Have Reception You’re in the middle of advisory when your friend tells you that the test grades have been posted. You go onto your phone and pull up Infinite Campus, only to find the page stuck and loading. You groan in frustration and decide to look at it later. Soon, you realize that this is a constant problem. It’s not just Infinite Campus that won’t load, it’s Google Classroom, texts that won’t send, and Snapchat stories that won’t load. Throughout the school day, you continually face this problem. You are just trying to read the message your teacher posted, but the only thing you’re reading is “No Connection.” Maybe it’s not a website you’re trying to go on, but a text you’re trying to send. You type it in and press “Send.” You check on it a few minutes later and it still hasn’t sent. Then, after a little while, you get a notification. You excitedly

is.not.a.bell#ringring

open it up, only to see, “Your Message Has Failed to Send.” What a nightmare! You would think that the higher the floor, the better the service. This isn’t true. The fourth floor has some of the worst cell service in the whole school. Then, there’s also the middle corridor on all three floors, where the reception is practically nonexistent. Regardless of what carrier you have, you’re most likely going to be on an app that is stuck and forever loading. Those with T-Mobile suffer more than those with other carriers. For some reason, T-Mobile has more trouble loading pages. This carrier may have great deals, like T-Mobile Tuesdays that bring us $2 Dunkin’ gift cards, but their cell service isn’t cutting it. All in all, the cell reception at Central… Sorry, your connection has been interrupted. Please try again when you are connected to the internet.

Estelee Eng (280) struggles to load Infi nite Campus in the early hours of advisory.

PC: Isabel Lin 280

Hella Lie#ActuallyILiveInAPenthouse

the school. Instead, everyone was buzzing about the Lower versus Upper Moreland swim meet that would settle an endless feud between the schools. With further research, I found that Philadelphia has an invisible barrier surrounding it, keeping it isolated from yet connected enough with the surrounding the area. Philadelphia is a hub in which its own

Did you know that all Philadelphians live in apartments? At least, that is what our peers in suburbia seem to believe. A few months ago, the Girls Varsity Tennis Team faced Conestoga High School in the State Playoff. As our team was warming up and getting to know our opponents, one Conestoga player inquired, “Where is Central High School located?”

Proudly and confidently, we told them that Central is located in Philadelphia (the best city in the universe). What we did not expect, however, was what they said next, “You guys all live in apartments, right?” They thought that, just because we live in a city, we all live in apartments. We were puzzled, disturbed, and shocked, but I guess one thing’s for sure, if you attend Central High School, you must live in an apartment! P.S. shhh… don’t tell the girls at Conestoga High, but they still don’t know the truth.

All Philadelphians Living in Apartments!

culture, conversation, and identity develops differently from the suburbs that encompass it. Our city has so much history and culture behind it that we sometimes become ignorant to, however, no matter where we go for college, it is important to stay connected to one’s roots, even if not everyone knows where we come from.

Central’s tennis team practicing outside of their apartment!

The real map of Pennsylvania.

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Sir Lancerliar

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Robolancers? Or Cult Members?

Every Central High student is well aware of our popular robotics team, The Robolancers. There is no need to advertise one of our high school’s most successful and hardworking groups of students. Even President McKenna is proud of their success in past championships. After all, they spend so many tedious hours after school working together to construct elaborate machines and robots…maybe even too much time. Recently, several students have confirmed that the Robolancers are, in fact, a cult. Signs that support this theory include the long hours they spend together after school, their matching red windbreakers, and their constant obedience to Mr. Johnson, the head of the robotics team. Nadia Pilla (280) claims, “Nobody else would willingly spend an entire Saturday at school. What even is a robot?” The robotics team meets every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for three hours, and some Saturdays for eight hours. Along with school work, sports, and other extracurricular activities, attending robotics would seem like a hassle to the average student. Sleep-deprived Central students willingly sacrificing so much of their time in order to continue

Nobody#RingAroundTheRosie

attending robotics? There must be something that keeps the students sane enough to come back each time. Some may ask, “what really happens during a robotics meeting?” This question was answered by Robolancers’ very own Shahrin Alom (280). She responded, “We like to sharpen our weapons. We like to battle our robots on a battlefield. We like to steal mops from the janitor’s office. We have a blast!” Little is known and understood about the Robolancers’ involvement in the cult. For instance, one may wonder how the cult would even work. What religion are the Robolancers practicing? What role do the robots play in this cult? These and other questions still remain unanswered. What little we do know about the cult is how each member performs their individual initiation ritual. According to an anonymous source from within the robotics team, “You just have to pay a fee and sign up online.” And when asked what exactly the members have been signing, the source replied, “Just a bunch of forms about where you live and your parents. Stuff like that. Giving info and a consent and release form for competitions.” Knowing one’s personal information, such as a living address, can truly put one’s life at risk. This begs the question, if each member was willing to simply give out personal information, what else are they willing to do?

An image of your average cult.

An image of your average Robolancers competition. Coincidence?

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es.comPC

: Robolancers

The National Honor Society, otherwise known as NHS, is a highly respected organization that spans the breadth of the entire United States, instilling honorable morals in high school students who are otherwise, quite honestly, clueless. The NHS has four pillars: scholarship, service, leadership, and character. Although the pillars seem self-explanatory, the second pillar—service—has sparked a large controversy at Central’s Barnwell Chapter of NHS. At Central High School, most accomplished students choose to participate in NHS, joining a unanimous struggle their junior year to complete the required community service hours. Highlighting the service pillar, NHS requires students to complete a whopping 60 hours of community service, 20 of which must be tutoring hours. After completing these hours, there are many more challenges that students must overcome in order to reach that long-awaited induction ceremony. After completing all of the required tasks, it is NHS’s hope that the remaining students still in the running will epitomize the four pillars. After all, NHS only wants the best of the best. Some members of NHS, however, seem to be appalled at what stands on the other side of the indiction. NHS, a self-described service organization, prides itself on producing competent students who are willing to give back to their community through community service and

tutoring: assisting their peers. You can imagine everyone’s shock when they discovered that, NHS, a community service organization, requires students to do community service even after being admitted. Why would they expect you to do that? Martin Chan (278), in response to this abhorrently missed detail, decided to establish a new organization titled No Hours of Service (NHoS) to combat NHS. NHoS prides itself on being the world’s first community service organization that requires absolutely zero actual community service! Kejsi Ruka (278), states, “Why would anyone expect people to do community service in a service organization? It’s completely absurd! NHoS is the way to go.” The new “no service” service organization that took Central by storm, NHoS, should serve as a lesson for all of the underclassmen. If you are looking to join an organization while doing no community service, NHoS is the group for you!

BratzGrlYasmin<3#NHStress

NHoS: No Hours of ServiceKC Undercover

#P.U.

Central’s Catacombs

It is no secret that Central is filled with hidden destinations. From the fifth floor pool, to the planetarium, students have been able to catch on to the school’s hidden gems. One location that often seems to slip people’s minds, however, is Central’s very own catacombs. Yes, you heard right. The main entrance, which is somewhere in the basement’s middle corridor (shh), leads to tunnels that spread all across the city. Originally created as an evacuation method in the case of a potential

bombing (I’m looking at you, USSR), the catacombs have been frequented by students for years. Even back in the day, only the koolest of kids knew about the tunnels, and, get this---the tunnels were used to travel around the school undetected. The tunnel’s many entrances are kept secret, although the Centralizer staff already knows where one of them is ;). The goody-two-shoes would use these secret entrances to get to class and avoid the mangled mess of students that periodically fill the halls once the bell rings. Jenny Dong (278) is among the group of students

who still frequents the catacombs, stating, “Honestly, these tunnels are an absolute life saver. I’m telling you, I cannot fathom how one can make it on time to a class without some form of shortcut. I definitely cannot relate.” However, other students have caught on to the fact that perhaps there is a darker element to these catacombs. Helen Li (278) commented, “There is a certain vibe one gets once they enter the catacombs. I swear--I feel chills, almost as if somebody is trying to lure me deeper into the tunnels.” Helen is not the first student to feel this way. In fact, every time a student comes out

with a negative comment about the tunnels, it seems as if they disappear. Even more bizarre, students who have tried exploring the tunnels past Central grounds never succeed in coming out of the other end. They just merely find themselves right where they started---the entrance. Perhaps this is symbolic of the Central experience. Once you think you’re really getting somewhere--BOOM--back to square one. Regardless, if you have not seen the tunnels for yourself, I suggest you try it. Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll find yourself on the other end.

A photo Jenny took while she went exploring.

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The offi cial NHoS Emblem.

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PAGE 7 THE CENTRALIAR

Mo Bamba vs Sicko Mode Lyricalasapviky & youngmoneymali

#ModeBamba

Every century, a handful of geniuses gift the world with great works within their fields, whether it be Mozart and his music, Newton and his laws, Picasso and his paintings, Shakespeare and his plays, or Da Vinci and his (almost) everything. Two of the greatest minds to ever walk the earth have just recently earned a spot amongst these other legends after releasing their own lyrical masterpieces. The first, Khadimou Rassoul Cheikh Fall, also known as Young Sheck Wes, released his track, “Mo Bamba,” in 2017. The song, which details Sheck Wes’s “come-up,” recently gained popularity. The second, Jacques Bermon Webster II, also known as La Flame, Cactus Jack, or Travi$ Scott, released his track, “Sicko Mode,” as part of his latest album, Astroworld. Both tracks have not only enraptured youth around the world with their intricate, creative beats, but have also stimulated a thought-provoking debate around the world. A controversial question that has been tormenting the minds of people in all seven continents (including Antarctica): “Sicko Mode or Mo Bamba?” Such a question can’t be answered without truly understanding the creativity and meaning behind Travi$ Scott’s and Sheck Wes’s profound lyrics. Let’s begin with the earlier of the two pieces, “Mo Bamba.”

I be ballin’ like a motherloving pro (Like a, huh, like a, huh)

I be ballin’ like my man Mo (Bamba, woman)

Here, Sheck shares that, though he is an unknown artist at the time this masterpiece was produced, he is on tier with the “pros”. He refers to himself as an unknown, yet powerful individual in the lyrics, “like a, huh,” presenting a sense of murkiness, in which the public is yet to understand his lyrical genius. He further continues his lyricism by sharing that he is “ballin’” like Mo, referencing to the 7’0 Orlando Magic NBA player. The 6’2 Sheck Wes is presenting a valid contrast between him and Bamba, yet claiming that the two are both unknown “pros”, new to the scene.

Sheck Wes, I ain’t a motherloving joke (Haha, hahahahaha)

Steph Wes, stay with the darn pole (Pa, pa, pa-pa)

You mess around and get poled (You get poled, woman)

Here, Wes emphasizes his comedic past. He claims that he isn’t a “motherloving joke,” attempting to throw off his past as a comedian, just as other newcomers to the musical industry have thrown their past into the past, such as famed dancer-turned-rapper Cardi B. The rapper adds a bit of a comedic touch with the laughter, to lighten up the mood of an otherwise solemn song. His repetition of the word pole presents the theme of stability in this song, as Wes believes that the world, supported by poles, is needed. This word usage references back to his immense fear for the Earth’s future, that the magnetic poles will disrupted due to climate change, allowing for the polar ice caps to melt. He believes in supporting everyone, just as poles do, even those that mess up, in order to create a more peaceful and supportive world order.

Sheck Wes got so many flows (I do it all)

Call me Drake, how a man contro—Young Sheck makes clear the versatility of his music and his talents. Not only does he have one flow, but many flows. His use of third-person in the first verse makes it seem as though it is a scenario in which another person is boasting his talents, which is most likely true. Unusually, Sheck switches to first person in the second verse, in which he makes an allusion to another Rapper’s song, “Controlla.” Although the rapper mentioned is not as well-known and respected as Sheck, Sheck shouts him out anyway, knowing that doing so would kickstart

the unfamiliar rapper’s career.

Next, let’s look at Travi$ Scott’s piece, “Sicko Mode,” which has a Drake feature on it, something that potentially happened as a result of Sheck Wes shouting out Drake in 2017 when Drake was an entirely unknown rapper.

She’s in love with who I amTravi$ comments on the superficial and shallow tendencies of modern relationships in this verse of the chorus. The girl he is talking about is not in love with another person, or someone who Travi$ is pretending to be, but she is in love with who he genuinely is.

Back in high school, I used to bus it to the dance

Now I hit the FBO with duffels in my hands (Woo!)

This lyric, which was rapped by Drake, puts two different scenarios side by side, creating a juxtaposition. Drake says that in high school, he was taking the bus to the school dance, but now he flies privately (as “hit the FBO” implies), with large bags in his palms. The contrast between his humble beginnings and where he claims he is right now in his career emphasizes Drake’s “come-up.”

Had me out like a light (Like a light)Like a light (Like a light)Like a light (Like a light)

Like a lightWith these lines, lyrical masters Drake and Travi$ Scott unleash their full potential. The repetition of “Like a light” places an emphasis that the world is dark, establishing a gloomy

and obscure theme to the song. This line also has the connotation that they are deeply sleep-deprived, further adding to the unclear theme and tone.

This ship way too formal, y’all know I don’t follow suit

Stacey Dash, most of these girls ain’t got a clue

Here, Travi$ provides a clever analogy, in which he shares his feelings as to how life is too formal, to the point that he does not follow “suit”. Here, suit can have two connotations, as both the article of clothing and the motive, showing the young rapper’s superior lyricism. He further continues by pointing out that many women have no understanding of Stacey Dash, a famed news reporter. This is an attack on today’s youth’s ignorance and lack of knowledge of important individuals that built American society. He wants to be as famed as Dash, but for changing the industry by being different, rather than following suit.

And so, we leave this analysis with the question, “Sicko Mode or Mo Bamba?” These two lyrical masterpieces have begun the evolution of the music industry, and their contributions are on par with no other compositions. If anything, Sheck Wes and Travi$ Scott have created a new class of musicians, on par withmasters like Beethoven, Chopin, and Britney Spears. These geniusly concocted productions are the bringers of true lyrical masterpiece, and there is much excitement and speculation on what more these innovators will bring in the future.

Travis Scott and Sheck Wes battling it out. Who will come out on top?

President McKenna: Did He Really Say That?Determine if President McKenna actually said these quotes.

1. True 2. False 3. False 4. False 5. True 6. True 7. False 8. False 9. True

1. “It’s Transpass Friday! Remember to get to your homeroom to pick up your transpass!”

2. “They may take away our funds, but they will never take away our FREEDOM!!!”

3. “Get your phone out of your bookbag so you don’t beep!”

4. “Remember to buy some Phillies tickets.”

5. “Have a safe night, have a great night!”

6. “We’re the number one school in the city of Philadelphia!”

7. “Don’t forget to take a juice or a fruit!”

8. “I’m gonna make the superintendent an offer he can’t refuse.”

9. “I’m proud to lead this school where we develop the next generation of new leaders.”

VIVA LA ROWLET#BigManOnCampus

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President of Central HigH sCHool: Mr. McKennaEmail us: chscentralizer@gmail.com

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PAGE 8

Freshman Ski Trip

Slopes, snow, skiing, snowboarding: these are just some of the things every student at Central High School looks forward to in their junior year. Along with Junior Prom, the Class Ring Ceremony, and other fun events, juniors are taken, year after year, up to Jack Frost Mountain to ski, snowboard, and snow tube alongside their classmates. The acquisition of the trip for 2019 was a major victory royale for the 279 class (thanks @ Ms. Zeserman!!!), but it has left other students at Central, namely Freshman, with little to look forward to. Many among the 281 class at Central have been demanding a special trip of their own. Some have suggested a trip to the sub-basement catacombs to explore Central’s historic participation in the American Revolution. Others have pushed for an all-inclusive trip to Shake Shack in Center City to learn more about the culinary arts lacking at Central. Both suggestions have been rejected by the School District. One trip idea has risen above all others, however, and was recently cleared by Superintendent William Hite himself. On February 29th of this year, the Philadelphia School District announced that the freshman class will be able to go on a ski trip of their own, hosted on Olney Avenue the next time we have a snow day. “We were already going to make students trudge through ice and snow to get to school,” comments Hite, in a recent interview with the

Young Money Mac#BunnySlopes

Centraliar. “Why not make it a fun and educational experience along the way?” Later this year, members of the 281st class will be able to ski and snowboard down Olney Avenue. Snow tubing will be available on the fifth floor of Central itself, with hills fitted by the pool. The price of admission starts at $400 per student to cover the cost of ski and snowboard rentals, as well as Apple Airpods™ for volunteer assistants for the trip. For safety purposes, the School District advises students to fill their backpacks with their infamous Algebra 1 and Biology textbooks for added stability while going down the hill. The trip date will officially be announced through the School District’s Instagram story.

Many upperclassmen are skeptical about the trip.

“I truly believe that [the trip] ruins the balance in the Central class system, as junior superiority is established through our privilege of a ski trip,” says Amaliya Yunosova (279), outraged. Others will stop at nothing to prevent the trip. “Personally, I would be willing to get myself hurt so badly on our ski trip in order to prevent them from being able to go,” says Evan Carulli (279). As more information on the trip develops, it continues to be a hot topic in Central High School’s hallways. Is a Freshman Ski Trip a worthwhile tradition or should the youngbouls have to wait too? Additional trip details are to be released later this month.

I have a challenge for you: The bell rings and you have to run from your Art class with Ms. Keefe in the basement, all the way to the fourth floor for freshman Biology with Mr. Fowler. Oh yea, also, you have to do all of that in only three minutes! Can you make it to class on time?

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The slopes are rough up expidition Olney.

The classic Central struggle: getting to class on time. I mean, they give students a whole, whopping THREE MINUTES to get to class on time! What could possibly go wrong? Well…a lot, actually. Teachers never understand that the biggest obstacle of getting to class on time is never the actual distance itself, it’s the people. Your classroom might only be a corridor away, yet it can take you anywhere from ten minutes to an hour to get to class. You might just find yourself in the classic case of slow-walker syndrome. You’re trying to walk as fast as you can, but the people in front of you find it absolutely necessary to walk as if they were going in slow motion. Here’s a reminder folks, when you are on your way to lunch, taking it slow and steady, remember that EVERYONE ELSE is trying to get to class on time, and if they’re particularly unlucky, they’re trying to get to lab on time (those chemistry teachers don’t mess around). The slow-walker, however, is the least of your worries. Now imagine trying to walk past the Pep Squad or another international dance group as they’re practicing. At that point, it’s just time to give up.

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