teens and tweens what’s up with them?. memories of being a teen… you yourself were a teenager...
TRANSCRIPT
Teens and tweensWhat’s up with them?
Memories of being a teen…
You yourself were a teenager not long ago!
You probably felt similar to the way many teenagers feel today:
introspective and worried, but hopeful and adventurous
You probably complained that too much school work impeded your life and began wondering
who you were and where you fit(which you’ve since learned takes a lot of practice but
we all get good at it sooner or later!)
What’s up with teens and tweens?
What’s up with teens and tweens?
Teens are concerned about image - know that time in front of mirror
is normal!
Teens are feeling conflicted already - avoid too much conflict (chose
your battles)!
Teens don’t like too many questions - balance being interested
but not intrusive!
Teens want to separate - encourage /embrace greater
independence!
Developmental changes in teen years
physical changes brought on by puberty are accompanied by emotional changes
unique social needs develophopes and expectations for future pressures and worries that are often
focused on how they fit in and interact with peers
the importance of the peers group is one of the first moves towards independence
Development of own sense of self
develop their own sense of self individuate – becoming their own person seek out information from parents and
peers that will help them further define themselves
identify own interestsexpress themselves through their activities self-esteem is developing and fragile sense of self is highly affected by peers
Parents can support growing independence
Adolescents should rely less on their parents
Understand and encourage the urge to separate
Although parental support is important, parents should guard against over-involvement
Encourage teens to seek assistance directly from staff and to view teachers as an ally and ask for help
“Cutting the cord”
Source: Maurice J. Elias, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J., and co-author of Raising Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers: Guiding the Way to Committed, Courageous, Compassionate Adults (Three Rivers Press, 2002)
It is important for parents to be clear about their own emotions:
“Our own feelings of hesitation or trepidation need not be transmitted onto our children. Ideally, we want them leaving with a sense of confidence, excitement and enthusiasm."
“It is important for teenagers to know that Mom and Dad are interested in what they are doing, that they share in their accomplishments, but ….
they will need to find their own way”.
“Cutting the cord” can go both ways!
Stressful for teens to learn what is expected of them.Some are hesitant to make decisions without
parents.Parents be careful not to dismiss feelings of
apprehension - listen and understand, then offer adult perspective, information, support and guidance.
Provide an environment that allows them to express their concerns without fear of rejection or disapproval.
Allow for learning through trial and error.Be patient with them as they stumble through their
new responsibilities.
Cut the cord...but continue to “be there”
Key characteristics of modern day teens
participative *enjoy things that are fun and interactive
connected * lifelong use of internet, cell phones *interact with technology flawlessly *see electronic devices as extension of selves
achievement oriented = feel stress/pressure*coming from selves, peers and parents* Stress factors – marks, friends/fitting in/ popularity / looks AND (sometimes) pleasing parents
social time is highly valued
Create fun learning opportunities at home
Leadership and Teamwork skills Enhance child's sense of responsibility & build confidence to guide others Collaborate on household projects; participation in clubs; reflect on learning.
Communication skills Teach telephone manners, greeting professionals, please/thanks, "netiquette“ Keep vocabulary growing by introducing a "word of the day“
Conflict Resolution Articulate a problem and discover solutions by offering problem-solving choices; Introduce concepts like compromise and respect; paraphrase what the other is saying
Goal Setting Set small goals that lead to a larger overall goal; Create action steps required to achieve goal; discuss time needed for each
step; encourage persistence and follow-through, and celebrate a job well done!
Resources
www.tweenparent.comTips for kids going to middle school:
Getting organisedTips for kids going to middle school:
Social securityHelping your preteen cope with feeling left out
Getting our boys to talk: teach the language of feelings
Learning life skills is critical for tween success
Concluding thought….
What we must realize from the start is that the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise responsible, empowered adults.
If they don't need you as much when they become teens, you have accomplished just that and equipped them with the tools to succeed.
Sit back, enjoy and congratulate yourself on a
job well done. Remember, they do still need you (and your love), they just don’t want to be seen with you!
Love your teen when they least deserve it because that is when they really need it