team leader’s toolkit for handling difficult people...handling difficult people 3/11/2013 (c) 2012...
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Handling Difficult People 3/11/2013
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Team Leader’s Toolkit for Handling
Difficult People
December 20, 2012
High Stakes Meeting Facilitation Team & Facilitator Training Conversational Keynotes, Breakouts and Panels
Specializing in
Kristin J. Arnold, MBA, CMC, CPF, CSP © 2012 Al l Rights Reserved
Tel : 480.502.2100 or 800.589.4733
Fax: 480.502.2102 or 888.884.9132
Emai l:Kris [email protected]
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www.ExtraordinaryTeam.com Difficult?
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NLM
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Not Like Me
About 98% are just different and the reason we think they are difficult is because they are
not like us.
The best way to influence anyone is to enter the conversation going on in the other
person's head. That would require we take time to understand how they think.
Most of us are too busy trying to get the
other person to enter the conversation going on in our own head.
Kit Grant
Don’t Agree with You
They are "difficult" in they are not "rowing in the same direction" as [you or] the organization.
Joe Zuccaro
Handling Difficult People 3/11/2013
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Beyond Consensus
3 Little Known Secrets to Achieving Solid Agreements
Among Your Team Mates
October 18, 2012
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Disruptive
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I find the most difficult people to deal with are not willing or able to see the other's perspective on critical issues.
Ken Boxer
Dominating Coping
Dominating
• Overbearing “Know it all”
• Blocking others ideas “Nit Picker”
• Attacking “Sniper”
• Impatient “The Rusher”
• “The Dominator” conversation
• Talking on the side
Coping
• Withdrawn
• Avoid
• Stalling
• Complain
• Talk on the side
Handling Difficult People 3/11/2013
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Disciplinary Conversations
https://secure.confertel.net/tsregister.asp?program=JettReplay
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Hierarchical
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Team Based
Your Goal: Minimize the disruptions
2 Strategies
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Prevention #1: Clarify the Goal Prevention #2: Follow the Agenda
Time Topic Process Leader
Kick Off
Content
Closure
Prevention #3: Define Roles
• Leader
• Facilitator/Process Observer
• Timekeeper
• Recorder/Scribe
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Prevention #3: Ground Rules
• Honor Time Limits
• All participate…no one dominates
• Have an abundance mentality
• Seek first to understand, then to be understood
• Don’t just “give in” to avoid disagreements
• Avoid “Thumbs up/down” or bargaining
Prevention #5: Agree on Decision-Making
• Team leader?
• Expert in the room?
• Loudest voice?
• Majority vote?
• Consensus?
• Unamimous?
Hint: Know the “fallback”
Prevention #6: Keep a Team Memory
• New members can catch up
• Retrace steps
• Reminder of earlier decisions
• Easier to prepare for a presentation
Handling Difficult People 3/11/2013
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Prevention #7: Critique Often
• “Check out”
• What worked? What didn’t?
Worked Well Do Differently
1. 2. 3.
1. 2. 3.
A Few Words about Interventions
• Can vs. must
• You are not alone
• Escalate until resolved
– Low level
– Involve the team
– Take it offline
– Confront
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Low Level
• Can vs. must?
• Eye contact
• Gestures
• Movement
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Gentle Reminders
• Refer to agenda/reaffirm the process
• Refocus/rephrase/reframe toward the goal
• Ask them to “headline” what they have said
• Remind/refer to ground rules
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Involve Them and the Team
• “Reflect” - Verbal redirect
• Invite participation e.g. round robin
• “Park it”
• Define or “operationalize” key terms
• Suggest a more constructive path forward
• Give feedback to the team
• A moment of silence/reflection time
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Take it Off-line
• Take a break
• Meet privately to talk to the disrupter
• Point out disruptive behavior
– Be specific and descriptive
– No judgment
• Ask for cooperation
• Agree on the next step
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Confront
• Confront the person gently before the group
• Appeal for cooperation
• Ask, “How can we move forward?”
• Ask the group to help in resolving the problem
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Spread the Word… • Check out our learning resources available
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• Connect on Linked In, Twitter, Facebook
• Watch how to videos
– www.YouTube.com/user/QPCinc
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