Table of Contents

Title page

January - Clerihews

February - Acrostics

March - Haiku

March - Limericks

April - Short(ish) stories

May & June - Buzzwords

July - Stories in Rhyme

August - Beginnings and endings

September - Pyramid poems

October & November - Two-part stories

Other writings

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Stories & Poems

from Compaid

2016 This book is made up of writing and art by clients at Compaid in 2016. Illuminated lettering by Ros Bennett, Liz Chessell, Michael Crawford, AlexPiper and Jane Sanderson. This e-book compiled and created by the magnificent Steffon Marshall. All work in this e-book copyright Compaid 2016.

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January: Clerihews

A forerunner of the Limerick, the Clerihew is a short rhyme which alwaysbegins with the name of a person. George ClooneyMakes me swoonyIf only he was mineWe could sail down the Rhine, drinking wine!

Evelyn Waghorne

y friend MerylCan be a perilBurning her cakesThat she makes!

Poem & Illuminated letter by Ros Bennett

Jack Black carried a sackOn his backHe is a starHe drives a fast car

Vicki O’ Mahony

Brad Pitt is very fitHe’s definitely a great hitHe could not get any hotterHe’s better looking than Harry Potter.

Carol Parker

My friend JaneIs completely insaneShe even went out to bathe in the rain.

Stuart Goodwin

To Susanna Bowdery

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We’d like to say HowdyShe’s such a joy at the day centreYou couldn’t invent her

Laura Parris

Peter TerryWent on a ferry.He said “If I get to SpainI’ll go insane.Like Jane”.

Stuart Goodwin

Queen Elizabeth the FirstAlmost died of thirst.Her food was all saltyAnd her taps were all faulty.

Josie Singer

haron and PhilWere dressed to killThey owned the Queen VicWhere the pints went down very quickRos BennettIlluminated letter by Michael Crawford

Princess CharlotteDressed in scarletHer big brother George in blueAll dressed up and nothing to do

Vicki O’ Mahony

Audrey HepburnHad a yearn to become a famous starShe went to Tiffany’s for breakfastAnd then became quite reckless

Jane Sanderson

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Ellie SimmondsWho competes in the Women’sFreestyle swimming near & farHas won lots of medals & become a star

Laura Parris Gordon BrownFelt very downPrime Minister BlairDidn’t seem to care.

Jenny Wythes Fanny CradockLiked a HaddockJohnnie did not agreeHe preferred Prawn Cocktail for tea

Carol Parker

Sheila BrownDoesn’t know how to frownIf she had any more cheerI would think she was full of beer

Laura Parris Sheila BrownLikes to go to Maidstone TownHer bus goes by Laura’s flat in Pelican CourtPerhaps she’ll see her at the Bus Stop, just a thought.

Laura ParrisTerry Woganhad a sloganTerrys old geezersreally liked Malteasers

Stuart Goodwin

Steve Wrighthad a frighthis radio showhad no go

Stuart Goodwin

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Man in a hatLost his catHe felt such a twit for losing itHe only looked away for a little bit.

Carol Parker

Our friend BillLived in a MillHe works all day for very little pay.Hoping he will be rich one day,

Carol Parker

Jim BainesSometimes complainsAbout Susanna’s singingIt sets his ears ringing

Laura Parris

David BowieNamed his son ZowieOh, so many moans and groansSo, now he is know as Duncan Jones!

Evelyn Waghorne

Paul O’GradyMade a great ladyLily Savage was the nameHe hung up his dresses, and still has the fame

Evelyn Waghorne

Frank LampardI wish I could personally send him a cardCongratulating him on what he has helped the team achieveEvery game I watched, in him I believed

Carl Wood

My neighbours’catIs as blind as a bat.When hunting a mouse

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Shr could not find a house.Josie Singer

My favourite foodDepends on my mood.If I want some wineI say why not

Josie Singer

Judy Dench is fine old wenchAnd spends time on an old park benchShe picks up rocks with some threadbare socksAnd sends them abroad in a cardboard box.

Josie Singer

Josie SingerIs a right mud-slinger.But enjoys her scrabbleAnd likes a dabble.

Josie Singer

Gina StilesCan run for miles,But still comes hereBecause she cannot hear.

Josie Singer

Jonathan Sargant,As an eater, is ardent.He loves eating chipsBut gets covered in drips

Josie Singer

Sharon EmeryHas an amazing memory.She’ll always rememberThe fifth of November.

Josie Singer

Our friend James

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Goes up in flames.He likes to break the mould(Everyone else is cold).

Josie Singer

Everybody loves ValShe’s very good pal.She’s always willingTo spend her last shilling.

Josie Singer

Butterfield, MikeIs a naughty old tyke.(Not so much ‘old’,And, really, good as gold).

Josie Singer

Our friend JenHas billions of Yen.She’s not Japanese,But she is the bee’s knees.

Josie Singer Is lovely LynQuite without sin?I wouldn’t have thought it.She must pay a forfeit.

Josie Singer Jonathan RossWas looking rather cross.He was very rudeBecause no-one was in the nude.

Stuart Goodwin

Our friend StuartEats so much suet,If it doesn’t make him sickHe’ll turn into a spotted dick.

Stuart Goodwin

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Ken BruceTurned rather puce.He said “I’m not blushing:The blood to my head is rushing.”

Stuart Goodwin

Jimmy TuckerIs a really good mucker.He likes to have a good laughIn the bath.

Stuart Goodwin

os BennettShould be in the senate.As a politician, she’d do wellBecause she can really yell.Stuart GoodwinIlluminated letter by Ros Bennett

Jenny WythesSplit her sides.She laughed so hardShe was all in shards.

Stuart Goodwin

MadonnaHad something coming upon ’er.It wasn’t niceAnd made her feel like ice.

Stuart Goodwin

Camilla, Queen in waiting,Was prone to fits of fainting.Charles said to stop the ginSo he threw all the bottles in the bin.

Sharon Streeton

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The Queenall dressed in greenShe looked like Robin HoodWas she up to no good?

Sharon Streeton

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February: Acrostics

J enny is so very kind

E veryone is of the same mind

N othing is too much for her

N ever stressed and always calm

Yet likes to belt out a song or psalm

Ros Bennett

V icki likes the Royal family

I like Prince William

C harlotte is their baby

K ate is a princess

I like Queen ElizabethVicki O’Mahony

S miling face full of Laughter & fun

H appy people all a round

A rms out stretched ready for a hug

R uns around to look after people in her care

O pen for a cheeky chat

N oble & kind to everyoneEvelyn Waghorne

C ats and Dogs

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A re friendly and lovely

R eally fun to own

O nce they are in your family

L ove is always shownCarol Wells

C helsea is basically my life

A ccountant is what I was going to achieve

R emember I had a serious life threatening accident

L augh is what I can easily make people do!!Carl Wood

M ood enhancer or settler

U nderstanding the culture of the tunes

S tationary does not usually happen in this topic

I ndispensible 2 Me.

C arl bangs out a beat.Carl Wood

L aura’s birthday is the same as the Queen

A pril the 21st is the date

U p to London Maybe she’ll go

R eady to give out a cheer

A nd when she gets home have a beerLaura Parris

T eddy was about to be joined by a lamb.

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‘E e by gum. I hope she does’t eat my jam!’

‘D o sheep eat jam?’ the rabbit asked.

‘D o they not prefer a bit of grass?’

Y es, so they do,’ the pussy said

‘B ut they can’t eat catfood instead.’

‘E ach to his own.’ observed the owl.

‘A nd I find grass and catfood foul.’

‘R ight.’ they said. ‘as lambs don’t bite.

S hall we try her with Marmite?’

Josie Singer

Jacqueline is very thin

A nd she likes to sing.

C reativity is her thing.

Q uick and sharp she loves her bling.

U nderstated she is not.

E specially when she types a lot.

L ots of fun she does have.

I ntellectual times abound.

N eat and tidy she can be found

E ither at home or at COMPAID land.Jane Sanderson

Daytime tea - bisuits

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Everyone table a seat

Boil the kettle

Brew the tea, pour the coffee

In goes the milk and sugar

Enjoying a chat at Compaid

Debbie went to Wallington HigH

Even her friend AmandA

Belonged to the same schooL

Both walked together up a big hilL

In an open field past the wood

Every day to get to school.Debbie Hall

Jane is a jolly soul although she can sometimes be droll

And when she smiles she is very happy

Now and again she becomes very sad

Even though she is down at times she does not let people see her frown.Jane Sanderson

Sausages are very nice

Yes even with a bit of spice

Large or small it really does not matter

Variety makes the world go round

Interesting things can astound us

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And I will risk it for a biscuitJane Sanderson

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March: Haiku

Interest of mine, People canrelate to it. Makes me happier.

the carl 2 da wood

My dog is so sweet;He eats up all of his treats.He barks at my feet!

Stuart Goodwin A1 for fourteenNo prawn crackers for me pleaseAnd No washing up

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March: Limericks

A dog was a happy young maleAnd then tried to wag his tail.But the tail wagged the dogTill he fell in a bogAnd made friends with a muddy young whale.

Josie Singer There is a young carer called NishaWho comes in like Jeremy Fisher.My shower’s not goodThere is always a flood,And she ends up a rather wet Nisha.

Josie Singer I have a young carer named Clare,Who says to me “You wouldn’t dare”Says “Hello spotted dick”But she’s taking the mickSo I reply “miaow” to my Clare.

Josie Singer

There is a nice carer Michelle,Who gets me right out of my shell.She is always smiling,Which I find beguiling.My wonderful, happy Michelle.

Josie Singer

There is a great night nurse Joana,Who wanted to play the piano.But that would have been worse,As she is a good nurse,And says “behave badly”, From Joana.

Josie Singer

There was a pink kitten from KentOn the train to London she went.

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When the kitten got thereShe had a big scare:All her money she had spent.

Vicki O’Mahony

LunchThere was a bloke at CompaidWho had a pizza that was ready made.Sharon asked him did he want lunch,But he said he had brought his own brunch,And just needed the table laid.

Nina McMillanCarol Parker

There was a young man from the moonWho said he’d come home very soonBut the rocket was lateAnd he got in a stateSo he didn’t get breakfast ‘til noon.

Ros Bennett

ChuzzleThere was an attendee at Compaid called BobWho liked being given a job,But he preferred a puzzleAnd always played CHUZZLEWhich made his fingers throb.

Nina McMillanCarol Parker

Another carer called JessWill get me out of a mess.If I’m low, in a muddleShe will give me a cuddleI don’t expect anything less.

Josie Singer

Carrie, oh Carrie, oh Carrie,Who’s really much younger than Gary.But they are good friends

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Tho he drives her round the bend.And she’s far too young yet to marry.

Josie Singer

There is a carer AdrianaWho does like a nice ripe banana.We visit the fish,They make a tasty dish.I hope I will see her mañana.

Josie Singer

A lovely girl named AngelaWho comes from Kenya in Africa.She works very hard,Should be thin as a shard.It’s lucky she has lots of stamina.

Josie Singer

he Rumanian carer called IonReally is very amazing.He says water is wetThere’s no dry water yet,Till the scientists start interfering.Josie SingerIlluminated letter by Ros Bennett

The Rumanian carer AuroraWho comes in for richer or poorer.She gives me bread for the ducksThe seagulls all scream “Chucks”And the grey geese all yell for some morer.

Josie Singer

There is a young man called Gary,Who’s always as happy as Larry.He’s such a good carer,So what could be fairer.And says things like, “Don’t let us tarry”.

Josie Singer

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April: Short(ish) Stories

Stories of between 50 and 100 words.

On the beach. It was a lovely, warm, sunny day, so I decided to go to the beach. The sunwas shining brightly, but the walrus and the carpenter were nowhere to beseen. I could hear the sounds of happy children, seagulls shrieking, and thewaves rustling on the shingle. I decided to go for a swim, before settingdown to sunbathe. The pebbles were hard on my bare feet, and, although theday was hot, the water was not. But it was refreshing, then I could lie in thesun to dry.

Josie Singer

My Short Story

My name is John Wateridge. I got my own lap top and I like writing shortstories, it all started when I was at school. We had to write a short story, ona young couple, so I started a story and it was called The Unlucky Cigarette.Instead of writing a couple of pages, I wrote two exercise books of thestory. The English teacher said, “where are you going to put the rest of yourwork?”, I turned round and asked for an exercise book. When the teacherread the story she said it was very good.

John Wateridge

Short Story

The girl went into the park, then round the lake till she found the cornerwhere the ducks and geese congregate. She gave them some bread, and thedrakes started squabbling. It must have been magic bread, because the uglyduckling turned into a magnificent white swan.

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May & June: Buzzwords

Stories using at least four of the following words: ship - set - mouse -fruit - spade - Victoria

THE HAUNTED HOUSE

here was a young lady called Victoria, who bought a house.She didn’t realise it was in the shape of a ship. When shehad a look around it smelt of fruit. As she went from room toroom there was a spade in every corner of the rooms. Whenshe looked she saw mice running around the floor. Then shelet out a loud scream and chased them, throwing fruit atthem.Every time she threw she missed. So she picked up aspade and gave them a nasty bang on the head.WANTED Have you seen this guy in your house?

John WateridgeIlluminated letter by Ros Bennett

Victoria is one of the Spice Girls.She must eat like a little mouse,Nibbling nuts and fruit pearlsSinging her set all around the house

Steffon Marshall

I was baking a Victoria sponge in the ship’s galley. We were on a cruise inthe Mediterranean, and one of the passengers had a birthday. I was all set tocut it in half to add the filling; I went to the pantry to find the cream, but sawa mouse had already found it; he had cream all over his face. Fortunately, Iremembered that I had a fruit cake in the freezer, so took it out and set aboutdefrosting it. You probably needed a spade to cut it, because it was quiteheavy and full of currants. The birthday boy was thrilled, so it all endedhappily ever after.

Josie Singer

Victoria’s Fruit

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Once upon a time there was a little girl called Victoria. She enjoyedgardening with her mother. She particularly liked digging with her bright redspade and planting seeds that would grow into fruit. She tried to grow verybig fruit but it didn’t work. Despite this, when she grew up, her fruit becamevery famous because it tasted so delicious. As the years went by, she soldher fruit all over the world. Of course, some of it had to go on a bigcontainer ship and Victoria also went in her cabin which she had speciallybuilt for her on the ship. I forgot to mention earlier that when Victoria wassmall, she had a pet mouse, who also went all over the world with her.When Victoria became very rich, she had a mansion built in the shape ofvarious fruits, and of course her beloved mouse had a special house, full ofnuts and berries. Victoria’s house was set in woodland, surrounded by fruittrees.

Jane Sanderson

The Girl Who Jumped Ship.........

It was a sizzling hot day and having padded along the white sandy beach Ispotted a girl I had met aboard ship when we docked at Barbados. We hadspoken briefly when she had told me her name was Victoria. She waspaddling in the sea now and as I joined her another girl came along. Shewas draped in a Union Jack designer towel, was wearing a helmet in theshape of a swimming cap and carrying a spear. I thought it was stranger butwe all chatted happily for a while until she said she was the head off theship. “Head of the ship?” I queried. “I thought the head was the captain,Captain Brown” “Yes, he is the captain” she replied “but I am Britannia, thefigurehead depicting the name ship, always a head at the front and it is tie Iwent back now before anyone notices my absence. I must be all set beforewe up anchor and leave for the next port.” “I must say I could do with adrink first”. At that she swept off up the beach stopping to use the spear shecarrying like a spade smashing it against a palm tree until a coconut droppeddown pinging on to her helmet and then to the ground. She used her spear tocrack open the fruit and sipped the milk. Then off she went making her wayto the quayside leaving a dribble of milk in her wake which was thirstilysipped up a mouse which had been watching her in the nearby foliagewhiskers twitching in anticiption. “Well” I said to Victoria,” I think we hadbetter get back to the ship too before Britannia forgets us and leaves usbehind.”

Edward Worman & Jackie Fahey

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My Dream

I watched The Chase on TV Challenge channel, then realised it was 10pm,so went to bed. I switched on the reading light, picked up my book, andbegan to read. Suddenly, I had a lightbulb moment: it was a book aboutastrology, and I’d reached the chapter on Pisces, which of course fish. I thenturned off the light, and settled down to sleep. In a deep sleep, I began todream; I dreamt I was on an aeroplane-going to I don’t know where. Irealied that the crew were all turtles, and the passengers, were mice! I wentto the toliet, where there was also a water-fountain, so I had a drink too. Welanded in a forest full of large trees. What a funny dream!

Josie Singer I was invited to a tea party at Buckingham Palace, the tea set was pretty, ithad roses on it. I had little sandwiches and ice cream with fruit and aVictoria sponge. Suddenly, I saw a fluffy white mouse run under the chair,perhaps it had escaped from a ship? Had it hidden in the Queen’s luggagefrom her holiday? Or perhaps Prince George had brought it in from thegarden when he was playing in the sandpit with his bucket and spade?

Ros Bennett

On the good Ship Compaid, the cast and crew Set about improving theirabilities on computers with the aid of a Mouse. Victoria believes inImproving client’s skills and abilities in a nice atmosphere, people practicethe art of being social. She likes interacting with people and understands theimportance of good therapy at the Centre. At the end of the day, the Fruit ofour labour are borne out with smiles of satisfaction by clients and staff.........err... ....a Spade is a garden implement.

Darren Smith

A Dangerous Mouse (Beware) There was a ship called Victoria, it set sail to collect some fruit.When it gotinto open sea the sea was rough. As a ship mate went down below he saw amouse running around on the floor. So he grabbed a spade and chased themouse around the ship hull. When he cornered it the mouse jumped up andbit him on the nose. He dropped the spade and shouted out OUCH. He said“I will get you if it’s the last thing I do.”

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John Wateridge I was invited to a tea party at Buckingham Palace, the tea set was pretty, ithad roses on it. I had little sandwiches and ice cream with fruit and aVictoria sponge. Suddenly, I saw a fluffy white mouse run under the chair,perhaps it had escaped from a ship? Had it hidden in the Queen’s luggagefrom her holiday? Or perhaps Prince George had brought it in from thegarden when he was playing in the sandpit with his bucket and spade?

Ros Bennett

Second set of buzzwords: aeroplane - fountain - turtle - fish - book -lightbulb - tree

Wendy’s Story

It was one of those really awful days where no-one knew what to do as ithad turned out to be rather miserable and this was in the middle of Summer,so there was a lot of people who were staying indoors as it was such amiserable day, although it was wet my dad still had to go out in the nastywet weather as he was a farm worker and you can’t do any kind of farminginside, so it was a case of get wet or don’t go out to do your work. So being as it was such an awful day and most of us were stuck inside, afew of us decided that we would go down town and just potter around quitea few of the shops, however I wasn’t all that keen on shopping for clothesso I pottered off to see if there was something like perhaps a museum. Nowquite a few of my friends were not interested in going to a museum so in theend we all decided to meet up at one particular place, and that would besomewhere like a restaurant so that we could tell each other what we hadbought etc. Everyone was showing each other what they had bought but I just kept quietas I had gone to a very interesting museum and in there had seen some veryinteresting things like a really old aeroplane that had carried a lot ofinteresting things to their destination such as a fountain that needed to betransported up to Scotland at the moment it was still down in the south of thecountry. Now once I had delivered this fountain I decided that before I travelled

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back to the souch of the country I would go and find myself a small river sothat I could do a bit of fishing as that was my favourite hobby. So once I hadfound myself a very nice quiet part of the river. I put all my fishing tackle under quite a nice tree and just hoped that it wouldstop raining.Once I had got back to my hotel room all I wanted to do was lie on my bedand relax, but when I got back to my room I tried to put the light on butunfortunately the lightbulb had blown so I had to ask the receptionist if shecould get someone to go to my room to change my light bulb, she said thatshe would pass the message on to the maintenance people in the hope thatthey would change the bulb fairly quickly as it beginning to get fairly darkand if you wanted to do any reading you would be out of luck. When I was in the museum I saw a very old turtle as I was going around thevarious floors and found the talk that they gave us all about this particularturtle was very intersting so I decided I found the information about the waythese turtles lived very interesting.

Wendy Davis

Buzzwords 2 I was going by aeroplane (obviously!) to Italy for a short holiday. On theplane, to while away the time, I switched on the overhead reading light, andopened my book and started to read. Suddenly, everything went dark, so Icalled a steward, who said the lightbulb had blown; he replaced it, so Icould read again. We landed in Rome, and took a taxi, to a hotel, where Ihad a rest, then a change of clothes. It was much warmer than it had been inLondon. I went out, and did the touristy bits, like the Spanish Steps, theVatican, the Colosseum the Opera House, then a cafe, where I had a coffeeand a gelato. Then I went to the Trevi Fountain, and threw in some coins, tomake sure I would go back. I went up the hill, to where Romulus killedRemus, and saw the tree where the deed was done. Then I was exhausted,so went back to the hotel, where I began to plan my next trip; to the Galapagos to see the turtles and the brightly-coloured fish.

Josie Singer

Owl Buzzwords

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2 owls were in a tree, one was an eagle owl, the other was a snowy owl.They were talking to each other on Twitter. They started to argue about theEU Referendum, in or out. The snowy owl said in, the eagle owl said out,and flew away in a huff in the sky, to a different tree. It was actually a honeytree, but owls don’t eat sticky stuff, they prefer mice and insects, and therewas no expense account, as in his old home. Also, he couldn’t see thee skyfrom his new pad, and the tree was so high, there was a shortage of oxygen,and the flowers wouldn’t grow in his garden. The sun shone all the time, thiswas bad news, as owls are nocturnal. He went back on twitter, to find hisold tree home, whick was nicer after all.

Josie Singer

BUZZWORD SHORT STORIES Buzzwords: bear - plane - squash - mint

CHILDHOOD

I collect Teddy Bears. I cannot remember when I started just that they are allover the place. They are all squashed in boxes, cupboards, the attic etc.When I was eight years old we moved to Biggin Hill from the Old KentRoad. We were able to see all sorts of planes flying in the sky above us.Also we could visit the Airfield on Open days, when roads were packedwith cars.

Carol Parker

My special friend

I’ve loved carpentry ever since Daddy Bear gave me a chisel and plane formy third birthday. I’d carved a rocking-bear by the time I was four, and atfive I’d built a squash court. Before my seventh birthday I’d had so manyroyal commissions from around the world that I was absolutely minted. Afriend of mine said “‘Ere, you is such a clever bear, innit?” I bowed andsaid “Thank you, your Majesty.”

Jonathan Sargant

A Day At Work. I went to work on a Monday morning. I had to catch a train from Euston then

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the tube to Kentish Town. When you get on on the tube you can get squashed.Once I got on all you could smell is peppermint. I wish the journey was notsuch a bore because I had to catch a plane. When I got on the plane it wasfull of big bears they were all eating mints.

John Wateridge

Where Are My Mints?

I was driving in my car, so I stopped at the shops and got some mints. As Iwas in the shop, a friend said to me “fancy a game of squash today?” I said“ maybe some other time. I have planned to watch the planes at the airport.Then I am going to the zoo with my niece and nephew to see the bears”.When we got there the bears were eating some mints. (Where are mymints?)

John Wateridge

MINT??

I was ready to meet my girlfriend and I looked in the mirror and thought tomyself “Oh Christ I look mint”. I met her and we sat down and discussedwhere to go for our holiday. We decided to go to Australia to visit myrelatives for the first time. On the plane we discussed things and she foundout that football is my favourite sport and I found out that hers is squash.

Carl Wood

Buzz words 5 I was on a plane on the way to the USA; I decided to eat a choc-chip andmint Cornetto. When we landed in Boston, I took a taxi to my hotel, where Ihad a rest, a shower and a change of clothes. I was hungry, so found arestaurant. The waitress was very helpful, and said, “bear with me while Ifind some butternut squash for lunch”...

Josie Singer

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July: Stories in Rhyme

Cluedo Rhyme

he game takes place in a country house, the victim is calledDr Black.Oh dear, alack.Where and how did the murder take place?No worries, I’m on the case.Was it maybe Colonel Mustard?He’s looking flustered.Perhaps it was Miss ScarlettShe’s such a harlot.

Or maybe the Reverend Green,He’s nowhere to be seenOr perhaps Plofessor Plum,No, don’t be dumb.No, it was Miss Peacock.What a shock.Our killer may be Mr White,What a fright.Where did the murder take place;What a disgrace.Maybe in the kitchen,The corpse would still be twitching.Or perhaps in the cellar,The cave-dweller.Or in the conservatory,Not observatory.In maybe the library;That would be scary.Or in the dinner-roomWith a broom.Maybe in the billiard-place,In your face.Perhaps in the hallBy the wall.What weapon was used?

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To kill the abused.Maybe the daggerWith a swagger.Coshed on the head with lead-piping.Put paid to his typing.He was strangled with a rope,No, not soap.Shot with the revolver,Problem-solver.Never mind, Dr Black is dead,There’s no more to be said.

The End.By Josie Singer

Illuminated letter by Ros Bennett

STORY IN RHYME

This is the tale of a teddy-bear,He got up in the morning and wondered what to wear.He opened the wardrobe, and looked on the rack;But didn’t like his trousers, they were all black.He wanted for breakfast some white bread and jam,But instead had got brown toast with ham.He tried to go out, but his front door was stuck;He sighed, because he was right out of luck.

He climbed out of the window, and sat on the ledge,Then gracefully fell into a rose-hedge.As he got out of the bushes, he checked how he fared,And realised his house-keys were still on the chair,He climbed back in to retrieve his keys,And then suddenly wobbled and fell on his knees.Then said oh blow it, and decided insteadTo take off his clothes and to go back to bed.

Josie Singer

STORY IN RHYME 2

I go to Compaid once a week,

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When there, I don’t play “hide and seek”I drink my tea, and chat to my friends,I use a computer to learn new trends.I like writing stories and poems too,All about the animals in my zoo.I design and print a birthday card,Sometimes this can be very hard.I then have lunch, and go to the loo,And think about what else to do?I know, I think I’ll play a word game,Scrabble or text twist, is that too tame?No, it is very good for my brain!I may became a bit of a geek.I CAN’T WAIT FOR MY NEXT WEEK.

Josie Singer

The Pied Pigeon Piper

Delicious plump pigeons ready for pieRoasting on a spit over there on high The big fat cat waiting for its dinner belowIt’s fat tale swishing in the afterglow And so there is a tale to tell, of animals large and small And folk that was very hungry their tummies rumbled for apple-ypigeon crumble but mustn’t grumble. Dogs barked while the beggars are coming to town Larks sung overhead while many fled from plagues of old Desperate times for many frozen in time.

Nina McMillan & James Goodsir

STORY IN RHYME 3

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e love to talk about the weather,But in England, we get whatever.In July, the sun is hot,But do we like it; no, we do not.But then we get the wind and rain,And wish it was July again.Then in winter, we get snow,And everything is on ”go slow”.But if we didn’t have weather to talk about.

We’d all go dumb, there is no doubt.Josie SingerIlluminated letter by Liz Chessell

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August: Beginnings and endings

Stories beginning and ending with set phrases.Choice 1: beginning with “A normal day at Compaid...” and ending with“...what a disaster that was”.

A journey to Compaid

I arrived at Compaid for what I hoped wold be “A normal day at Compaid”but first of all I needed a cup of coffee so it was a case of waiting for that,as the person who made the drinks had to go for a meeting to find out whatelse she would be doing during the day and being as she dealt with food aswell she also went around asking people for the amount of money that theirfood would cost. After the meeting that people had been to everyone went off with theirteacher so that the clients would be able to learn a lot more aboutcomputers. Today I decided to make a card of some kind mainly becauseshortly we would be celebrating our ruby wedding anniversary so I thoughtthat it would be a nice idea to try and make my husband a special card atcompaid. However I was unable to make a card this particular week as no-one knewhow to make cards so I would have to do this another week. Well I thought that being as our anniversary was about five weeks away Ishould have learnt how to make a card by then. I left the card making at compaid for a while and carried on with somethingelse. The main thing that I preferred to do was writing short stories so that iswhat I carried on with this particular week however thinking of ideas all thetime can be difficult so I tend to listen to other people’s conversations andtry to get ideas from that kind of thing. The following week we were travelling to Compaid as usual but out of theblue we all witnessed a very bad accident and as we had plenty of room inour van our driver offered some help to the walking wounded which we allthought was a very nice offer but the ambulance people said that “he was

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unable to do this” in case the walking wounded should all of a suddenbecome a lot worse than they seemed so we left them to deal with theaccident on their own. What a disaster that was!

By Wendy Davis

Choice 2: beginning with “Nobody knows I’m a spy...”, ending with“...likes his bingo, doesn’t he?” and containing the phrase “...a specialoffer on baked beans...”

Nobody knows I’m a spy, but I know some Russian.No, really - I learnt it college, along with French and German.I’m not really a spy. After college, I worked as a translator-not for the KGB,but the British Standards Institute. But he worked undercover as a farmer. It was a dark and stormy night.The next morning, two farmers were chatting.“bad storm last night””oh yes, terrible, wasn’t it”“damage your barn ?”“don’t know; haven’t found it yet!!!!” I went back home for some lunch; I was hungry after a morning farming,feeding my pigs, driving the tractor, and everything else one has to do on afarm. I really fancied some beans on toast, but there were none in the larder.“oh well, I’d better go to the supermarket to buy some” Imagine my joy when I found a special offer on baked beans. After lunch, although he wanted a siesta, he thought he had better go and dosome more work on the farm, so off he went on his tractor. Then Prince Charles arrived in his helicopter, which ruined some crops.“Let’s go and play bingo”“oh not again”said the farmer “I always lose”

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They play for money.Now I hate bingo, I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.But he likes his bingo, doesn’t he.

By Josie Singer

Choice 3: beginning with “In Rio de Janeiro...” and ending with“...looking like a hedgehog”.

In Rio de Janeiro it is very, very hot and sometimes very windy. When Iwent there on holiday I decided to have a go at most of the Olympic sports.First of all I had a go at gymnastics which took place outside and performeda double someersault as the crowds applauded loudly and then after a fewtwirls I did a backflip which made them cheer still more. Then just to finishoff I vaulted over the horse and did the splits much to the crowdsamazement. For a few minutes after that I was walking bandy legged as if Ihad actually been riding a horse. The next thing I tried was synchronised swimming with a few friends. I wasnot much good at this as I cannot tell my left from my right so I went theopposite way to everyone else involved. Also the chlorine made me sneezeand sneeze so hard that the audience in the two front rows got drenched. I then decided that I would have a go at archery. I drew back my bow andthe arrow flew into the air and landed in someone’s hair. I couldn’t see whoit was but was later told it was an old man with a toupee which then flewaway and left him bald.

y this time I felt a bit like Mr. Bean but decided I would haveone more go at another sport. I chose the springboard threemetre diving at which I thought I would be really expert.After all I had tried jumping from a stool into a paddlingpool at home so I thought this would be good fun and easy.However, as I looked down from the springboard I noticethat the water in the pool looked very green. Oh well, Ithought, here goes and did a couple of twirls (I was gettingused to doing those), dived into the green murk and found

myself touching something prickly. When I surfaced I was covered inprickles and found myself looking like a hedgehog.

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By Jane SandersonIlluminated letter by Alex Piper

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September: Pyramid poems

A poem in which each line has one syllable more than the one before. Avariation is, after a certain point, to subtract a syllable from each lineagain.

I

Like owls

Teddies too.

They play scrabble

And go travelling.

They do competitions,

And often win at quizzes.

The prizes they gets are worth having.

They are quite worn out, so go to bed.

The owl was sick, because he ate too much;

He went to the doctor, who gave him tablets

Teddy took some pills too, which made him feel funny

He ate some honey to take away the awful taste

Just a spoonful of honey helps the medicine go down

Supercallifragilisticexpiallidocious

When they start to laugh, they float up to the ceiling.

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Feed the birds, tuppence a bag, says the poor crone.

The teddies join in, “We’re hungry as well.”

Then the owls want some nice tasty mice

Now that’s made me hungry as well.

What can I have for my lunch.

The cat wants fish.

After lunch

We sleep

Snore!

Josie Singer

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October & November: Two-Part Stories

Stories where the beginning and ending are written by different people.

It wasn’t the first time he had driven a car, but it was certainly the first timehe had driven over 150 mph on a public road. The trouble was, because hewas blind, he couldn’t see the speedometer.“It’s dark anyway,” he laughed to his passenger. “I wouldn’t be able to see athing even if I wasn’t blind!”She shuddered and covered her own eyes as if in sympathy. “I don’t like it,”she wailed. I got the impression that the female passenger was regretting getting into thepassenger seat as she kept covering her eyes so she couldn’t see how fastthe driver was going. When we got home I was so relieved to be able to sitin a seat without it going far too fast. After all I wasn’t used to travelling sofast. My partner was one of these people who liked speed and he often saidthe faster you go the better but that’s not what I think. I often said to him ifyou don’ t slow down he police will catch you for speeding and all he saidback to me was don’t be daft. But after we had been home for a while hesaid to me was I really going very fast I said you were going a lot faster thanthe speed limit signs said but that’s not really your fault as you are unable tosee how fast you should be going, so let’s hope the police will understandyour situation I think that it may be very unlikely but let’s hope you get anunderstandable person. Good luck anyway.

Beginning by Jonathan SargantEnding by Wendy Davis

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Other writings

A few of the other stories and poems written at Compaid in 2016

The day my friends and I ran away together

IT started as any day when Dad called me in and said Mum and I are goingaway for a week I said Who will be looking after us? Dad said MR andMRS TIMS and their son John will be looking after you. Well it was allright for Dad to say who would be looking us after as Mum and Dad knewthem but my friends and I had never heard of them. The next day MR ANDMRS TIMS and John turned up so Mum and Dad could leave. MR TIMSSAID Take our cases up and put them in the bed room which I did. John saidCome on hurry up and unpack our cases I went back down and MR TIMSgave me a list of jobs to do and said I WILL make sure that you have donethe jobs if they are not done right I will punish you by sending you to bedearly and giving you more jobs. It was the same for my friends. On theTuesday I was doing the sink and MRS TIMS said WHY are taking so long?I said You given me so many jobs to do and I am finding it hard to keep up.MR TIMS said Get to bed all of you and do not get up until we tell you.Well that was it my friends and I got up dressed packed our cases andraided the larder and ran away.

By David Manktelow

Clocks all clocks

Clocks tell the timeClocks can make me lateClocks can make me on timeClocks can make me earlyClocks can breakClocks are just clocks.

By Sue Buckwell

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Table of Contents

Table of Contents 2Title page 3January - Clerihews 4February - Acrostics 12March - Haiku 17March - Limericks 18April - Short(ish) stories 21May & June - Buzzwords 22July - Stories in Rhyme 29August - Beginnings and endings 33September - Pyramid poems 37October & November - Two-part stories 39Other writings 40

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