surprised party

7/31/2019 Surprised Party

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MODERN FAMILY

"Surprised Party"

by

Jeremy Shuback

Jeremy Shuback9023 Alcott Apt 101 Los Angeles, CA 90035

[email protected](248) 496 - 1099


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ACT ONE

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Jay is reading the paper and Gloria is cooking. Manny enters.

MANNYDo I look all right?

GLORIAYou look beautiful.

MANNYBeautiful?

JAYManny, you look fine. Relax.

MANNY

I should have worn my dinnerjacket. What was I thinking?

The doorbell rings. Manny straightens his jacket and heads tothe front hall. Jay and Gloria follow. Manny opens the doorto reveal LESLIE, a gorgeous 15 year old, way out of Mannysleague. Shes focused on texting.

MANNY (CONTD)Do you want to come in?

LESLIENot even a little. My moms waiting

in the car. Come on.

Manny and Leslie exit.

JAY & GLORIA INTERVIEW

GLORIAWhy would I be surprised? Of courseManny can get any girl he wants.

JAYYeah. Id say Im surprised. Thats

a good word for it.INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Claire is half heartedly refolding a towel, eavesdropping onHaleys conversation, muffled behind a closed door.

HALEY (O.S.)A keg?


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Claire bursts into Haleys room. Haley puts the phone away.

CLAIREA keg?

HALEY

How long were you spying on me?

CLAIREIm asking the questions here.

HALEYWhat did you hear?

CLAIREEnough.

HALEYThats funny, because I didnt say

anything.

CLAIREYou spend a lot of time not sayinganything. A keg?

HALEYI dont know what youre talkingabout.

CLAIREGive me your phone.

Haley hands Claire her phone. Claire presses something.

CLAIRE (CONTD)(on phone)

Hello? Doesnt matter who I am. Whoare you? Dont you hang up on me.

(to Haley)Whos Jim?

HALEY(silent)

CLAIREIs Jim maybe someone youreplanning to drink a keg with whenwere gone tomorrow night?

HALEYWhat?

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CLAIREIm on to you.

PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW

PHIL

You see, four months ago I bookedus a night at Amelias. Imstarting to think Claire is lookingto invent reasons not to go.

CLAIREThats crazy.

INT. DUNPHY CAR - DAY

CLAIREHeres the truth, Phil. The MaitreD is a guy I dated in high school,

and Ive avoided him ever since.

PHILIf we avoided every place wheresomeone you dated now works, wednever go anywhere.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

CLAIREI was thinking instead of goingout, I put this on and we have somefun here.

Claires holds up some lingerie.

PHILI say we do both.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Claire is juggling the phone in one hand and laundry in theother, rushing towards the kitchen. Luke and a friend are onthe steps.

LUKES FRIENDI just think its way too bloody.

LUKEDont worry. Theyll be gone thatnight, and I already have all ofthe knives.

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PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW

PHILAnd of course the whole nakedepisode.

CLAIREFun fact about Amelias?$100/plate. Maybe I am looking forreasons. Is that so bad?

EXT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - DAY

Cam is loading football equipment into the car.

MITCHELL(on phone)

Gary, its Saturday. Im not comingin.

(beat)Thats not it.

(beat)Fine. Ill be there.

Mitchell hangs up the phone.

MITCHELL (CONTD)Sorry Cam. I cant go.

CAMERONIts the finals Mitchell. The

finals.

MITCHELLFor Stefans team. Youre only inthis game because he got sick. Itshouldnt be a big deal if I missit.

CAMERONAnd yet, somehow it is.

MITCHELL & CAMERON INTERVIEW

CAMERONThe last time Mitchell was at agame he didnt look at the fieldonce.

MITCHELLI was cheering with everyone else.

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EXT. FOOTBALL GAME - DAY

Cameron misses a tackle, letting the other team win the game.Mitchell, playing with Lily, boos with the crowd. Cam glaresat him from the field.

MITCHELL INTERVIEW

MITCHELLSo heres the thing. There wasntanyone on the other end of theline. I just dont want to go.

CAMERON INTERVIEW

CAMERONSo heres the thing. There is nogame.

MAIN TITLES

INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - DAY

Cameron is packing a day bag for Lily as she runs around theroom.

CAMERONJust take her in to work with you.

MITCHELLCam, I need you to watch her. Ihavent had a weekend to myself

since you started going out asFizbo.

MITCHELL & CAMERON INTERVIEW

MITCHELLYes, Cams worked as a party clownthe last four Saturdays. For kidswe dont know. Im very proud ofhim.

CAMERON

He made me stop.MITCHELL

It was time to stop.

CAMERONAnd I did. For you.

MITCHELLIt was time to stop.

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INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - CONTINUOUS

CAMERONI cant watch her when Im in gamemode.

MITCHELLOr clown mode. Or diet mode. Orplanning mode. Or-

CAMERONI see. You dont want me to go tothe game.

MITCHELLIts fine Cam. Im sure Gloria canwatch her.

CAMERON

You forgot director mode.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Phil is on his iPad. Claire enters.

CLAIREWe have to cancel Amelias and youneed to talk with Haley.

PHILWhoah there. What happened?

CLAIREShes planning to throw a party. Iheard her say a keg on the phone.

PHILAnd you just happened to bestanding next to her when-

CLAIREA keg Phil. That could mean akegger.

PHILHaley wouldnt do that.

CLAIREYou think you know Haley betterthan me?

PHILI wouldnt say that. Maybe.Probably.

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JAYFace it Mitchell, youre a terribleliar.

MITCHELLIm a lawyer.

JAYAnd youre gay. What did I dowrong?

MITCHELLHe doesnt want me there. He gotreally upset when I put my footdown on Fizbo. Im sure he justneeds some time on his own.

JAYYou should tell him why youre not

going. Hell understand.

MITCHELLThat doesnt sound like him.

Gloria enters and takes Lily from Mitchell.

GLORIAMine.

EXT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Mitchell takes out his phone

MITCHELLHey Cam. I just want you to knowIm really sorry I wasnt able tomake it. I know how important it isto you.

CAMERON (O.S.)Its all right. You have work. Ithappens. Next time.

MITCHELL

You sure?INT. GREY ROOM WITH SHRUB IN CORNER - CONTINUOUS

Five clowns, including Cam, dressed as Fizbo, stand around atable. On the table is a military schematic map of a birthdayparty. One of the clowns, MELOFISTO, pushes little army menwith tiny party hats from Sector A1 to Sector D4. In SectorD4 is a miniature Fizbo doll at a miniature candy booth.

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CAMERON(on Phone)

Absolutely.

END OF ACT ONE

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ACT TWO

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - HALEYS ROOM - NIGHT

Haley is on her cell phone. Alex enters and turns off Haleysphone.

ALEXI know about the party.

HALEYHow did you find out?

ALEXYou just admitted it.

HALEYWhat? Well, youre not invited.

ALEXOh, that makes sense. Guess Illjust stay in my room and dohomework the whole night.

HALEYThats what youd do anyway.

ALEXNot if theres a party downstairs.

HALEYJust stay out of it.

ALEXGuess Ill tell Mom then.

HALEYAlex - these are my friends. Youwouldnt even have fun.

ALEXThen Ill invite some of mine.

HALEY

Since when do you have friends?Heres $20. Take Luke to the moviesor something.

ALEXYou cant buy me off.

HALEYYou wouldnt know what to do at aparty like this.

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ALEXFine. Im telling, then.

HALEYAll right. You can come. Just nofriends.

ALEXThree friends.

HALEYOne friend.

ALEXTwo friends.

HALEYDeal.

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Lily runs to Cameron. Hes dressed in a white t-shirt andpants from a football uniform.

CAMERONThanks again Gloria.

Cameron exits. Manny enters with Leslie. Leslie is talking onher cell phone.

LESLIE(to Manny)

On second thought, its a littlelate for tea. Could you get me acup of water?

(on phone)But thats not the best part Peter -Yeah. Butterflies.

Manny goes to the sink. Jay and Gloria watch.

LESLIE (CONTD)(on phone)

Yeah. The chubby one. I dont know.Anyhow, when we got to the - onesec.

Leslie covers the receiver and takes a sip.

LESLIE (CONTD)Do you have anything colder?

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MANNYSure.

LESLIE(on phone. giggles)

Thats not right. Youre dirty.

Manny puts ice in water and returns.

LESLIE (CONTD)(to Manny)

I dont like ice.

Manny dumps the water into the sink and pours from thepitcher in the refrigerator. Jay and Gloria exchange glances.Manny returns with water. Leslie takes a sip, and then putsthe cup on the counter. She covers the phone receiver.

LESLIE (CONTD)

You know what. Im not thirsty. Ifyou want, you can go out with metomorrow night. Ill pick you up at7:30. Ive got to go.

Leslie gets back on her phone and exits.

GLORIASo this is that girl you chase forthe last year?

MANNYI think Im in love.

GLORIAWhat?

JAYCalm down.

GLORIANo son of mine will-

JAYIts Mannys choice.

GLORIAMannys ch- Fine.

INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - NIGHT

Cam enters through the front door with Lily hanging off him.Hes wearing a full football uniform.

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CAMERONIm sorry Im late. We won so acouple of the guys insisted we grabdrinks to celebrate. I wish youcould have been there.

MITCHELLYeah. To be honest, I-

CAMERONGet this. Because we won, wereplaying again tomorrow. You canstill come out!

MITCHELLThe truth is... I still have a lotmore to do at the office.

CAMERON

Theres no way out of it?

MITCHELLBelieve me, if there was, Id takeit. I wish I could be there.

CAMERONI know you do.

Cameron exits with Lily. Mitchell picks up his phone.

MITCHELLHey Stefan, I just wanted to thank

you. Cams really enjoying fillingin.

STEFAN (O.S.)What?

MITCHELLAt the game.

STEFAN (O.S.)What game?

Mitchell starts walking towards the hall closet.MITCHELL

The football game. The one youretoo sick to play in.

STEFAN (O.S.)What?

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MITCHELLWait. My bad. It wasnt you. I...Lets catch up soon. Ive got togo. Bye.

Mitchell hangs up. His hand wavers over the closet door

handle.

MITCHELL (CONTD)Cam!

CAMERON (O.S.)What?

Mitchell opens the closet door. The Fizbo costume is hangingthere in a laundry bag towards the back, clearly unused.

MITCHELLNever mind.

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - MANNYS ROOM - NIGHT

Manny is in bed reading. Jay enters and sits on the edge ofthe bed.

JAYCan we talk?

MANNYThink I can reuse a poem I wrotefor another girl? I just feel itapplies all over again.

JAYManny, it isnt right how Leslietreated you today.

MANNYWhat do you mean?

JAYYou cant let yourself get walkedover just because a girl is pretty.You need to have certain

boundaries. Take me and your mom.We work because she understands myboundaries. If she asks forsomething, I can always say no. Idont have to do everything shesays. Thats important.

MANNYIs this still about me?

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JAYPay attention tomorrow. Ill showyou what I mean.

MANNYPlease dont.

INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - MIDDLE OF NIGHT

Mitchell gets up with a start, and looks over to Cams sideof the bed. Cam is not there. Mitchell walks to the livingroom. Cam is missing. He picks up his cell phone.

MITCHELLWhere are you?

CAMERON (O.S.)I couldnt sleep. I was just sonervous about the game tomorrow.

Its been so long since I played.

MITCHELLSo where are you?

CAMERON (O.S.)I had to go on a little walk. Illbe back before one.

Another guys voice can be heard muffled in the background.

CAMERON (O.S.) (CONTD)Ill be right back. Okay?

MITCHELLAll right?

Silence on other end of the phone.

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

Manny is sipping a cup of coffee and doing a crosswordpuzzle. Gloria enters and sits next to him.

GLORIA

Manny, you know you can get anywoman you want.

MANNYAnd I have.

GLORIAIs she really what you want?

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MANNYShes the whole package.

Jay enters and gives Manny a knowing look.

JAY

Gloria, could you make some eggs?

Jay starts to exit.

GLORIAIf you want eggs, you make them.

JAYMe? Id burn them. But you makegreat eggs.

GLORIABecause I have nothing better to

do?

JAYIf you say so.

Jay gives Manny the same knowing look. Manny averts his gaze.Jay exits.

JAY (O.S.) (CONTD)Pancakes would also be nice.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FRONT HALL

Theres a knock on the door. Phil and Luke go to answer it.

GUY AT DOORHey, did Jim get here already?

PHILI think you have the wrong house.

LUKEI let someone in earlier. Hes inHaleys room.

PHIL(to Guy at Door)Excuse me.

Phil runs up the stairs, taking them two at a time, trippingon a shaky step. He throws open Haleys bedroom door. Alex isinside, doing homework.

PHIL (CONTD)Whos Jim?

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ALEXI dont know. Who?

PHILDo you know if one of Haleysfriends was here earlier? Its not

a big deal if there was. Justasking.

ALEXI didnt see anyone.

Claire enters.

CLAIREWhos Jim?

ALEXIm trying to do homework.

CLAIREYou know something.

ALEXMom. Really?

PHILClaire, I dont think she does.

CLAIREYou think you know Alex better thanme?

PHILI wouldnt say that. Maybe.Probably.

CLAIREIf I find out anyone was here...

She starts to walk towards the closet.

ALEXMom. Youre pyscho. Just let me get

some work done for once.Claire flings open the closet. No ones in there.

CLAIREIm on to you.

PHILClaire -

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GUY AT DOOR (O.S.)Hello?

Phil and Claire leave, closing the door behind them. Alexgets back to her homework. The door flings open again. Claire

looks around, stares at Alex and closes the door again. Jimcomes out from under Haleys bed, exhaling.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Claire takes out her phone.

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Jay is watching TV. His phone rings.

JAYHey Claire. Whats going on?

CLAIREI was wondering. Junior year when Iplanned to throw a party. How didyou know?

JAYI picked up on little clues. Also,whenever you took the phone intoyour room, I listened on the otherend.

CLAIRE

You what?

JAYSee, my trick was covering thereceiver so you couldnt hear me.

CLAIREHow often did you do that?

JAYOnce or twice a week. Thats how Iknew your friends called you the

Human Cup. Whats this about?CLAIRE

I think Haleys throwing a party. Iheard her say keg on the phone.

JAYYou were listening to her phoneconversation?

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CLAIRENot on purpose.

JAYMmmhmmm.

CLAIREAnd just now, some high schoolerrang our door bell asking for Jim.

JAYTell you what, if it makes you feelbetter, Ill get Gloria to check onyour house later tonight.

CLAIREThanks Dad.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Claire and Phil are at the table with all three kids.

CLAIREIf I find out anything happenedtonight, there will be big trouble.

HALEYDont worry. You wont.

CLAIREGood. So it shouldnt be a problemif Gloria stops by for a bit later.

ALEXWere a little old for a babysitter.

CLAIREYeah, I thought that too.

ALEXMom, if you trust us, you dontneed to get Gloria coming all theway over here just to check on us.

CLAIREThats true.

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - FRONT HALL - DAY

The doorbell rings. Gloria answers it and Mitchell enterswith Lily.

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MITCHELLI really appreciate you watchingher.

GLORIAOf course.

JAY (O.S.)Gloria! This better not mean theend of massage time.

MITCHELL(to Gloria)

Mind if I talk to him alone for asecond?


Jay is on the couch watching football. Mitchell enters.

JAYTo be honest, Id prefer if Gloriadid it.

MITCHELLDad, how did you know when Mom wascheating on you?

JAYI accidentally overheard a coupleof her phone conversations. Iseverything all right?

MITCHELLI just found out there was no game.Now Im not even sure if Cams beenclowning the last few weeks.

JAYI wouldnt worry about it. Even ifCam wanted to cheat on you, whatare the chances of someone beinginterested in him?

MITCHELL(sarcastic)Thanks dad.

JAYJust talk with him. The longer yousit on this, the harder it gets.

GLORIA (O.S.)Jay!

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MITCHELLDont mention this.

JAYOf course.

Mitchell exits.

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Gloria is making sandwiches. Manny is playing catch withLily. A football game is heard softly in the background. Jayenters.

GLORIAI need you to head to the store.Here.

She pulls out a grocery list, and Jay shoots Manny a look.

Manny shakes his head.

JAYCould you go this time?

GLORIAIve got Lily.

Jay looks at Manny again.

JAYIll watch Lily. I was reallyhoping to finish the game. Id

appreciate it.

GLORIAOkay. I can go.

JAYGreat.

Jay nods at Manny. Gloria glares as Jay exits.

GLORIAWhats going on?

MANNYI think Jays trying to prove to methat relationships are built oneach persons ability to stand upfor themselves and say no. He toldme last night thats important.

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GLORIAOh. It is.

(to Jay)Jay!

Jay enters.

JAYWhat?

GLORIAIm watching Lily. You go finishthese and then get the groceries.

Gloria hands Jay the butter knife for sandwiches and theshopping list. Jay looks at Manny.

JAY

Gloria-

GLORIA(to Lily)

Lets go play dress up.

LILYOkay.

Gloria exits with Lily. Manny shakes his head at Jay.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - HALEYS ROOM - DAY

Haley and Alex stand above Luke, whos sitting in a chair.

HALEYYou promise?

LUKEI wont tell.

ALEXYou may go.

Luke exits.

ALEX (CONTD)But what are we going to do aboutGloria?

HALEYI bet she did stuff way worse thanthis when she was a kid. She wonttell on us.

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ALEXThats your plan? Hope she wonttell? What if we create a decoyparty?

HALEY

What do you mean?


Jay lays down the groceries. Gloria, Manny, and Lily areplaying Shoots and Ladders.

GLORIAAnd thanks for making dinner.

JAYGloria, I just got back. Could you

do it?

GLORIABut dont make eggs. Youd burnthem.

JAYTell you what, Im not that hungry.No need for dinner tonight.

GLORIAIm not hungry either.

MANNYIm-

JAYFine. No dinner. Listen, I toldClaire youd stop by their housetonight. Shes worried Haleysthrowing a party.

GLORIANo. I dont think I will.

JAYWell, one of us has to.

GLORIAYes. One of us.

JAYIm not going.

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GLORIANor am I.

Jay picks up his phone.

JAY

Hey Claire. Im really sorry, butGloria cant head over tonight.

(beat)No I cant either.

(beat)Its complicated.

(to Gloria)There.

GLORIA

One of us should go.

JAYSure. I can call her again.

GLORIAIm not going.

JAYMe neither.

INT. PHIL & CLAIRES CAR IN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Claire hangs up the phone.

CLAIREWe cant go. Gloria cant make it.

PHILWhy not?

CLAIREI dont know. Here, Ill try Cam.

She dials him.

CAMERON (O.S.)Its Camerons voice mail. Amessage? Your choice, pal.

Claire rolls her eyes as the voice mail beeps.

CLAIREHey Cam, I think Haley and Alex -mostly Haley are throwing a party.

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If you could check on our house inabout an hour, Id reallyappreciate it.

While Claire is on the phone, Phil attempts to pull out ofthe driveway. An unknown car pulls in at the same time, only

to use the driveway to reverse directions on the street.

CLAIRE (CONTD)(on phone)

Hey Mitch, could you stop by ourhouse in about an hour?

MITCHELL (O.S.)Yeah. Thats no problem.

CLAIREThanks.

Claire hangs up the phone.

PHILStop worrying.

CLAIREEven if Im wrong about the party,what about that whole knife thingwith Luke?

PHILDont worry about Luke. Hell befine.

CLAIREYou think you know Luke better thanme?

PHILMaybe. Probably.

CLAIREProbably.

END OF ACT TWO

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CLAIRE (CONT'D)


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ACT THREE


Jay, Manny, and Gloria are eating a meal of fast food.

JAYCould you pass the ketchup?

GLORIANo. You can get it yourself.

MANNYAll right. Enough. I get it. I knowhow to stand up for myself.

JAYSo then will you pass the ketchup?

As Manny starts to pass it, the doorbell rings. Manny rushesoff screen. A door is heard opening.

MANNY (O.S.)We need to talk.

Gloria and Jay exchange glances.

LESLIE (O.S.)No we dont. There isnt time.Lets go.

The door is heard closing. Gloria throws a few ketchup

packets at Jays face.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Haley is filling a red cup from a keg. 45 high schoolers arethere. Born this Wayplays in the background. Alex is on thesteps talking with two fellow nerds and one of Haleysfriends. Headlights can be seen through the window. Alexlooks out.

ALEX(yelling at room)

Places!As a group, all but the stairway crowd rush upstairs, andhide. The stairway crowd rush to the couch, where a game ofMonopoly looks to be in midplay. They pretend to be playingit. The door opens and Cameron walks in, dressed as Fizbo theclown.

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CAMERONIm pretty sure your mom said notto have any friends over.

ALEXIm sorry. Its my fault. I just

thought-why are you dressed asFizbo?

CAMERONIm asking the questions here.

Cameron walks through the house. He lifts up a black clothcovering a keg.

CAMERON (CONTD)Huh.

A cough is heard behind the closet door. He walks to it, and

flings it open. Jim is revealed. His eyes grow wide.

JIMClown.

Haley and Alex are frozen.

HALEY(under breath)

Thats not Gloria.

CAMERONThis is unacceptable. Who else is

here? All of you need to leave.Now.

Cameron rushes upstairs. High Schoolers start coming down thesteps. Although hard to notice, Lukes friend, covered in ared liquid, is part of this crowd.

CAMERON (CONTD)Get out.

HIGH SCHOOLEROr what? You take us away in

balloon hand cuffs?HIGH SCHOOLER 2

You beat us with an oversizedhammer?

HIGH SCHOOLER 3You squirt us with squirt sauce?

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CAMERON(to High Schooler 3)

Eww.

(to Everyone)I said out!

Cameron grabs one of the kids, and drags him out of the door.

HALEYSorry guys.

They start filing out.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - MOMENTS EARLIER

Leslie and Manny are walking.

LESLIE

But that was like after I finisheddating Marcus - the one who wassuch a drag. You so dont knowMarcus.

Manny tries to pipe in, but she keeps talking.

LESLIE (CONTD)I only knew him from skiing at BigBear. I cant believe youve neverbeen. Its kind of my whole life.Anyhow, Marcus was really also atotal gentlemen. You have no idea.

Here we are.

Theyre outside the Dunphy house. The door opens, and astream of High Schoolers walk out. The back of a clown issilhouetted in the doorway.

MANNYHere? Leslie, I thought I likedyou. Youre pretty and youre smartand youre popular, but I dont. Icant stand you. I cant go intothat party with you because-

LESLIEYeah, it looks like its breakingup anyway, so-

(to guy in background)Hey Peter.

Leslie runs off.

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MANNY

(to himself)Because I can do better.

As Leslie grabs Peters hand, Manny sits down on the stoop in

front of the house. Mitchell pulls into the driveway.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Alex and Haley are on the couch. Cameron is standing by thedoor as the last High Schooler files out. He sees Mitchell inthe driveway.

CAMERON(high pitched yelp)

Cameron runs into the front hall closet. Mitchell enters,looks at Alex and Haley, and then goes straight for the

closet. His hand wavers over the handle, and then opens it toreveal Cam as Fizbo.

CAMERON (CONTD)Im sorry Mitchell. Not for this.Im sorry for sleeping around...

(beat)...with the thought of doing moreclowning behind your back. I nevermeant to cheat on you.

Mitchell lets out a breath of relief as Alex and Haley

exchange a glance.

MITCHELLNot the best phrasing.

CAMERONI know I promised you I wouldnt,but last weekend the MagnificentMelofisto asked me to join him. Me.I know I promised you, but-

Cameron continues talking as the camera jumps to:

EXT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - DAY

Cameron stuffs his clown costume under the football gear whenMitchell is not looking.

CAMERON (V.O.)Melofisto said I was one of thegreatest clowns hes ever workedwith.

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EXT. GAS STATION BATHROOM - DAY

Cameron walks out, carrying a duffel bag, dressed as Fizbo.

CAMERON (V.O.)He said to join him again tomorrow.

EXT. CHILDRENS PARTY - DAY

Cameron and Melofisto juggle bowling pins. Melofisto issaying something, but all we hear is Camerons voicecontinuing to narrate Off Screen.

CAMERON (V.O.)This was the Magnificent Melofisto,Mitchell. Of course I said yes.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

MITCHELLWhat about in the middle of thenight?

Cameron nods.

HALEYWhat-

Mitchell stops Haley with his hand out, and Cameron continuesas the camera switches to more vignettes.

INT. MITCHELL & CAMERONS DUPLEX - NIGHT

Cameron gets out of bed, sneaking past Mitchell.

CAMERON (V.O.)He asked me to practice that night.There was an inner circle gettingtogether.

EXT. GAS STATION BATHROOM - NIGHT

Cam walks out of the bathroom in full Fizbo gear.

CAMERON (V.O.)If I cared, Id be there. Dressed.

INT. GREY ROOM WITH SHRUB IN CORNER - NIGHT

Cam and four other clowns sit in a circle in folding chairsas Melofisto holds a water spray can. One clown starts to saysomething, and Melofisto throws his spray can on the floorand points him to the door. Cam gets a cell phone call,hushes the others, but one of them speaks before he hangs up.

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CAMERON (V.O.)And nobody says no to theMagnificent Melofisto. Nobody. Thisis just who I am. Its what makesme, me. And I knew you wouldntapprove, so I couldnt tell you.

INT. CAMERONS CAR - DAY

Cameron tries putting on clown makeup while driving withlittle success.

CAMERON (V.O.)Of course it was wrong.

EXT. GAS STATION BATHROOM - DAY

Cameron walks out dressed as Fizbo.

CAMERON (V.O.)But sometimes all of us need tomake those hard choices-

EXT. CHILDRENS PARTY - DAY

Four clowns in full three stooges mode. Kids laughing in slowmotion. Parents gasping in slow motion. Water spray gag inslow motion. Camera circles around Cameron as Fizbo laughingin slow motion.

CAMERON (V.O.)

-if we want to live life to thefullest. I knew Id have to fess upor be found out, but that doesntmean it wasnt worth it. Is itbetter to lie to you or lie tomyself about who I am? Sometimesits worth it Mitchell.

EXT. CHILDRENS PARTY - NIGHT

Cameron shakes hands with Melofisto. A ribbon comes out fromMelofistos hand. Melofisto tugs on it. Theres a pin at the

end of it that he pins to Cameron. They hug.CAMERON (V.O.)

All I hope is that youll love mefor my quirks and lies. Notdespite them.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - PRESENT

Cameron is looking down at the pin.

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CAMERONIs that all right?

MITCHELLI can do that.

Mitchell looks at Haley and Alex.

MITCHELL (CONTD)Dont think youre off the hook.

Mitchell pulls out his phone.

MITCHELL (CONTD)(on phone)

Hey Claire. Yeah. At your house.Dont worry. Nothings going on.

CLAIRE (O.S.)

(from phone)Really?

PHIL (O.S.)(heard from phone,)

Hate to say I told you so.

CLAIRE (O.S.)Well, thanks.

Mitchell hangs up.

MITCHELL

We wont tell.

HALEYThank you.

MITCHELLBut you should.

(beat)Now clean this place up.

Mitchell and Cameron walk outside.

EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Mitchell and Cameron see Manny on the sidewalk.

CAMERONWhat are you doing here?

MANNYFizbo? Can I get a ride home?

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JAYIm sorry. You know I could neversay no to you.

GLORIAThats right you cant.

Jay goes in to kiss. Gloria rejects him.

GLORIA (CONTD)Go make me some pancakes.

END OF ACT THREE

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TAG

INT. GREY ROOM WITH SHRUB IN CORNER

Four clowns, including Cam, sit in folding chairs. Melofistois holding up a water spray can.

MELOFISTOYou have to understand theresnothing funny about just spraying aguy in the face. Anyone can justspray a kid. Its funny when theperson is important. A parent.Someone in a suit. Thats where thehumor derives.

CLOWN #3 raises his hand.

CLOWN #3

Whats wrong with just squirtingpeople?

Melofisto throws his water spray can on the ground.

MELOFISTOYou just dont get it. You thinkthis is some sort of joke? Get outof here. Get.

He points to the door, and Clown #3 exits exactly as seen inthe flashback. Cams phone rings.

CAMERONSorry. Hold up.

(on phone)I couldnt sleep. I was just sonervous about the game tomorrow.Its been so long since I played.

MITCHELL (O.S.)So where are you?

CAMERON

I had to go on a little walk. Illbe back before one.

MELOFISTOHow dare you.

CAMERONIll be right back. Okay?

Cameron hangs up.

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CAMERON (CONTD)Im so sorry. Problem with thebaby.

MELOFISTOHenceforth you are Fizbo the

Phoney.

CAMERONAll right.

MELOFISTOLet us discuss scarves.

END OF SHOW

35.

surprised party

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