THE FACTUALLY INACCURATE TABLOID OF WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY IN D.C. SINCE 1878MONDAY, APRIL 2, 2007 WWW.STUDDEATH.COM

STUDENT LIBEL

HIGH SPEED CHASETEARS ACROSS CAMPUS

MILLIONS OF POINTS STOLEN FROM BEAR’S DEN

THURTENE NAMES SU AS ‘07 CHARITYSays Thurtene chair: ‘We felt bad when they ran out of money’

SQUIRREL MAULS HAWK

SNAKES ON THE 40Hundreds of students attacked in freak serpentine infestation

DEAN SANSALONE CUTS OWN JOB

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Cashiers held at gunpoint in four-hour standoff

MOINESTER CLUBS BABY SEALMoinester speaks out: ‘They may be cute, but they’re also tasty’

STUDENT LIBEL EXCLUSIVE:WRIGHTON, PATTY MAYONNAISE LOVE AFFAIR SCANDAL