social styles activity[1]

SOCIAL STYLES INTRODUCTION

We all have a social style. It is both inherited and learned. Our social style is the way we best get along socially. There are many ways to analyse our social style, some quite detailed and complicated. To better understand ourselves and those we work & socialise with, attached is a simple set of guidelines to use. Research by behavioural scientists have identified two human characteristics which, when combined describe styles of behaviour:

Assertiveness: An individual’s effort to influence the thoughts and action of others. Responsiveness: An individual’s ability to respond to others or events with a show of feeling or lack of inhibition.

There are four major behavioral styles, each approaching a problem differently. Each style relates differently. If we know our own behavioural style, and we are able to recognise the styles of others, we are able to interact more effectively with others. Each of us is complicated in attitude, perception and personality. The way we express ourselves – behave - is consistent and predictable in pattern. Our basic style is our own most comfortable mode of behaving.

Remember that we are considering only behaviour - that part of a person we can see, hear and touch. We are not including how that person may feel or think, since those are dimensions actually known only to that individual.

SOCIAL STYLES SELF-INVENTORY

Purpose: The purpose of this activity is to help you think about how you come across to other people.

Directions: On the next page there are 18 pairs of statements. Choose the statement in each pair that you think most accurately expresses how other people see you. Sometimes you may think that neither of the statements reflects how others see you. Nevertheless, choose the statement that you think most closely states how you come across to other people.

Indicate your choice by drawing an X in the box to the right of the statement you choose. For example, if you think ‘speaks more softly” is a more accurate statement of how others perceive you than “speaks more loudly”, draw an X in the box connected by the line to the first statement.

After completing the self-inventory, you may want to ask a colleague who knows you well to check your responses. However, you are the final judge of your answers.

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SOCIAL STYLES SELF-INVENTORYBE SURE TO MARK ONE STATEMENT FROM EACH OFTHE PAIRS. BE SURE TO PUT THE X IN THE CORRECT BOX. THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER.

1. More gestures Fewer gestures

2. Speaks more softly Speaks more loudly

3. Freer, more flowing body movement More controlled body movement

4. Speaks more slowly Speaks more rapidly

5. More animated facial expression Less facial expression

6. Slower gestures and body movement Faster gestures and body movement

7. More vocal inflection Less vocal inflection

8. Tends to lean backwards in conversation Tends to lean forward when talking

9. More flexible about time More disciplined about time

10. Expresses facts and opinions more tentatively Expresses facts and opinions more strongly

11. More people-orientated More task-orientated

12. Decides more slowly Decides more quickly

13. Appears to be more playful and fun-loving Appears to be more serious

14. Takes fewer chances; is less risk-orientated Takes more chances; is more risk-orientated

15. Decisions based more on feelings or opinions Decisions based more on facts and results

16. Exerts less pressure for decisions Exerts more pressure for decisions

17. More apt to tell stories and show feelings Less apt to tell stories and show feelings

18. Less eye contact More eye contact


Total Each Column

SOCIAL STYLES GRID

A

B

C

D

4 3 2 1

Bring your score from the previous page and write the appropriate number in the box. The Down and the Up numbers should total nine when added together, as should the Left and Right.

To locate your style on the grid, calculate the difference between the Down and Up scores and, starting from the centre of the grid, go the number of lines that is in the greater direction. That is, if Down is 6 and Up is 3, go Down three lines. Do the same for the Left and Right scores. This will place your score at a coordinate in one of the 16 boxes. Styles below the centre line are more Responsive. Styles to the right of the centre line arc more Assertive.


RESPONSIVENESS

A S S E R T I V E N ES S

ANALYTIC DRIVER

EXPRESSIAMIABLE

Write your totals from the previous page

Down Up Left Right

ICA AUSTRALIA

PERSONAL STYLES GRID

A

Avoid Control Dominate


ANALYTICAL (Systems Specialist)

DRIVER(Control

Specialist)

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

0

TellAsk

Submit Emote Attack


0 1 2 3 5 6 7 8 9

AMIABLE(Relationship

Specialist)

EXPRESSIVE(Social Specialist)

STYLE RECOGNITION GUIDE

ANALYTIC

Less Assertive Behaviour Slower-paced walk and gestures. Usually talks and gestures less. Expresses ideas more tentatively, qualifies. Slower, more hesitant speech. May stop in mid-sentence, then begin a new sentence that makes more sense to the speaker though the listener may get lost or frustrated. Less risk-oriented; emphasises quality -

do it right so you don’t have to do it over; careful research, focuses on details, many options.

Less Responsive Behaviour Restricted body movement, gestures. Little variation in voice. Speaks with quieter voice. More task-oriented. Appears detached from feelings. May like to work alone. Disciplined about time.

Typical Characteristics Logical, Thorough, Serious, Systematic, Prudent.

DRIVER

More Assertive BehaviourMoves quickly, may speak more rapidly. Tell-oriented. Expresses facts and opinions more strongly. Exerts more pressure for decisions. Demonstrates task-focused energy. Vocal intensity - may sound forceful without speaking loudly (some Drivers speak loudly). Intense eye contact when making a point.

Phrasing is direct, down-to-earth. More risk-oriented.

Less Responsive Behaviour More controlled body movement. Very task-oriented (vs. feeling/opinions- oriented) but needs fewer facts than Analytics. Disciplined about time. Often prefer working alone, directing others. Pragmatic, results-oriented

Typical Characteristics Independent, Candid, Decisive, Pragmatic, Efficient.

AMIABLE

Less Assertive Behaviour May not talk much, especially in a group.

Soft voice, speaks less intently. Expresses proposals more tentatively. Decides more slowly. Invites others to express opinions. Tends to be quiet in meetings; may express ideas after others have spoken. Slower paced walk and gestures.

More Responsive Behaviour People oriented, team oriented. More apt to remember personal data about others, send birthday cards, be concerned about how people will respond or be affected by a proposed change. Prefers one-to-one interactions or small groups to solitary activities or large groups. Friendly facial expression, eye contact. Relaxed posture.

Typical Characteristics Supportive, Cooperative, Diplomatic,

EXPRESSIVE

More Assertive Behaviour Fast-paced motions and gestures. Tell-oriented; speaks more rapidly. Tends to speak louder than other styles. Usually brimming with energy. Dislikes routine. Expresses opinions more strongly. Decides more quickly. Initiates projects.

More Responsive Behaviour More, larger freer flowing gestures. Flowing, dramatic use of language. People-oriented. Much eye contact and facial expression. Mare apt to tell jokes and stories. May wander from the topic. Least disciplined about time. Fluctuating moods opinions often based on intuition.

Typical Characteristics Outgoing, Enthusiastic, Persuasive, Fun-loving, Spontaneous.


Patient, Loyal.

RECOGNISING SOCIAL STYLES

ANALYTIC DRIVER

AMIABLE EXPRESSIVE

In order to begin to relate behaviour with social styles, record some of the social styles in the room, especially those who have clearly occurred to you as their style. Do the same with some contemporary prominate people that easily spring to mind for you. You may even try to identify the styles of characters from books or movies. Place your family members and co-workers. Try to visualise their behaviour in a stress-free situation. Get some examples of all four styles, those you are comfortable with and those that are confronting or you.

Which were easy to locate? Why?


Which were difficult to locate? Why?

SOCIAL STYLES IN ACTION

ANALYTIC – (Systems Specialist)

Controlling Situations

Analytics are seen as nonassertive, impersonal and task oriented. They keep situations efficient by being thorough.

Problem Solving

Analytics listen. They have thoughtful opinions, opinions which reflect an attempt to analyse the situation thoroughly. Their comments may be lengthy and precise, even though they don’t demand to be heard. They are strong in understanding the situation and weak in persuading others.

Possible Misinterpretations

Serious & could be seen as reserved. Orderly & could be seen as structured. Careful & could be seen as indecisive

DRIVER – (Control Specialist)


Drivers are seen as assertive, impersonal and task-oriented. They control the situation using authority and proof.

Problem Solving

Drivers probably talk the most and, if they formed an opinion, work the hardest to influence the decision, using facts and reason to back their opinion. They probably listen the least. They are strong in solving problems and weak in building relations.


Determined & could be seen as stubborn Decisive & could be seen as tough. Efficient & could be seen as dominating

AMIABLE – (Relationship Specialist)


Amiables are seen as nonassertive, personable and people-oriented. They keep situations comfortable by being pleasant and agreeable.

Problem Solving

Amiables listen more, seem willing to go along with the group opinion and give in rather than argue. They are easy to deal with and give cohesion to a group. They often can smooth over conflicts in a group. They are strong on building relations and weak in problem solving.


Agreeable & could be seen as ingratiating Willing & could e seen as conforming Supportive & could be seen as dependent

EXPRESSIVE – (Social Specialist)


Expressives are seen as assertive, personal and people-oriented. They control the situation by using ideas and emotion.

Problem Solving

Expressives are talkative. Their discussion is designed to be as stimulating, and they may become bored with lengthy consideration of details. They may make an emotional appeal to go along with their opinions. They tend to want to decide quickly. They are strong in persuading others and weak in analysing a situation.


Fun-loving & could be seen as unserious Intuitive & could be seen as unprepared Candid & could be seen as insensitive


SOCIAL STYLES IN EXCESS

ANALYTIC

Excess Behaviour

Tend to withdraw by avoiding, going away. Negative, pessimistic, obstructionist. Unwilling to try new things, venture out. Cold, aloof, arrogant. Indecisive, ruminative, inflexible. Oblivious to others lack of interest in details. Overwhelmed by others emotionally. Flustered under time pressure. Suspicious and ready to believe the worst. Preoccupied with time and policy. May over-rationalise their position.

AVOID STUBBORN

DRIVER

Excess Behaviour

Defend what they want by turning tension up. Attack with facts, dictate. Overbearing, intimidating, demanding. Winning, regardless of the cost. Unwilling to listen, collaborate, consult. Tackle non-feasible projects.Overextending, over—committing, underestimating. Innovating for its own sake. Refusing to recognise others ability to lead. Speaking with authoritarian tone and terms.

Throwing up hands and walking out.

CAPITULATE ATTACK

AMIABLE

Excess Behaviour

Tend to withdraw by agreeing.Defensive and over-reactive to criticism. Crushed if a leader, boss falls short. Fault-finding, never satisfied, humourless.

Unwilling to see other’s vantage point. Uncompromising, stubborn, inflexable. All-or-nothing about others; little middle ground. Martyred, victimised, demoralised. Obsessive fixation on past problems, flaws. Self-absorbed with extreme psychic pain they are suffering.

AGREE INSIST

EXPRESSIVE

Excess Behaviour

Tend to attack with feelings. Will do almost anything to keep everyone happy. Agree to anything to get the pressure off. Unprincipled, opportunistic, deceptive. Cannot get down to business without some fun and fellowship to lighten things. Joke, tease, and quip at inappropriate times. Phoney, insincere, manipulative. Fail to keep promises, meet deadlines, and stick to routines, complete tasks.

SURRENDER ASSAIL

Each style has strengths and weaknesses. Even the strengths can become liabilities when excessive. They can become excessive behaviours when we become excited, under pressure or stressed. Each of us has ‘back-up styles we rely on in such situations and these can cause real problems in


(High Stress) (High Stress)

(High Stress)(High Stress)

communication or relationships. Usually this behaviour is an intensification of our natural style. An assertive person becomes more assertive. The less assertive person withdraws. But in high stress situations we may see a complete flip in styles with the less assertive person suddenly becoming very stubborn and the highly assertive person throwing up his hands and walking out. The following are some of the patterns of behaviour typically manifest in excess situations.

SOCIAL STYLES WORKSHEET

1. What are the attributes of my style that are strengths for leadership?

2. What are the weaknesses of my style for leadership?

3. What is it about other people’s style that bothers/annoys/stresses me?

4. What in my own style tends to cause stress or bother other people?

5. What can I do to make my leadership style more effective when dealing with people?


STYLE FLEX INTRODUCTION

DEFINITION

Style flex is the temporary adjustment of a person’s behaviour to encourage others to act more productively with him or her. We all flex naturally with other people in many of our normal patterns. We tend to know who we can “joke” with and who we cannot. We often learn patterns of behaviour in office or business settings that enable us to be accepted. Most of these are done unconsciously. Style flex is a conscious effort to alter our own behaviour so that the person we are interacting with feels more at ease. It involves adding to, subtracting from and continuing certain customary behaviours on the assertiveness or responsiveness scale.

WHEN TO FLEX

Flexing costs energy, it is not our most comfortable behaviour. For most interactions our natural style is fine. But often it is important to start or finish an interaction with another person on the same wavelength. When there is something very important being discussed or when the other person is stressed, style flex can make the situation more comfortable for the other person. Finally, in group discussions or problem solving sessions we can flex towards other people to enable consensus to happen.

ASSUMPTIONS

You can only control one half of a relationship - your half. By managing your half of the relationship well you can influence the other half constructively. Our goal in style flex is establishing and maintaining mutually beneficial relationships. Style flex is not used to manipulate others or conceal genuine feelings. Treating the other person honestly, fairly and with respect is required for effective style flexing.

PLANNING GUIDE

The following pages can be used to understand the way in which you can alter your assertiveness and responsiveness . These are general guidelines for how each style can flex to another’s style and how we can flex from our own style. They are meant to be guidelines and need to he adjusted to the particular person we want to flex to and to the situation. It requires us to be sensitive to the other person’s style and to our own tendencies to use unhelpful behaviour patterns.


STYLE FLEXING

Increasing Responsiveness

Central Theme

Emote a little more often

Control a little less often

How to increase Responsiveness: 1) Verbalise feelings 2) Pay personal compliments 3) Be willing to spend time on relationship 4) Engage in small-talk - socialise

Increasing Assertiveness Decreasing Assertiveness

Control Theme Central Theme

Tell a little more often Ask a little more often

Ask a little less often Tell a little less often

How to increase Assertiveness How to decrease Assertiveness I) Get to the point 1) Ask for other’s opinions2) Volunteer information 2) Negotiate decision-making3) Be willing to disagree 3) Listen without interrupting4) Act on your convictions 4) Adapt to other’s time needs5) Initiate conversation 5) Allow others to assume

leadership more often

Decreasing Responsiveness

Central Theme

Control a little more often

Emote a little less often

How to decrease Responsiveness 1) Talk less 2) Restrain your enthusiam 3) Make decisions based on facts 4) Stop and think 5) Acknowledge the ideas of others


ANALYTIC

Low assertiveLow responsive

DRIVER

High assertiveLow assertive

AMIABLE

Low assertiveHigh responsive

EXPRESSIVE

Low assertiveHigh responsive

STYLE FLEX FOR DRIVERS


ANALYTICS

When Flexing to an ANALYTIC * Be moderately paced * Be well prepared * Provide information to catalyse decision * List pros and cons * Remove the risk * Talk about specific action plan * Be deliberate, prepared, systematic * Take notes * Allow them to proceed deliberately (slowly) * When ready, encourage them to decide * Follow up in writing

AMIABLES

When flexing to AMIABLE* Be slow, relaxed, sincere* Emphasise cooperation, support* Give guarantees, assurances* Don’t try and rush it* Make person-to-person contact* Negotiate action plans* Offer assurances of minimal risk* Encourage expressions of doubts, fears or misgivings* Emphasise feelings or working together* Be nice, drop some of your stiffness* Appeal to justice, ethics, truth

EXPRESSIVES

When flexing to an EXPRESSIVE* Pay compliments, attention* Interject fun* Tap competitive spirit – but avoid arguments* Give big picture (few details)* Talk dreams/vision* Disclose appropriately about yourself* Allow time for socialising* Paraphrase agreements* Talk about their experiences* Drop names when appropriate* Insure follow-up and check details* Relax your posture somewhat

DRIVER

If you are a Driver, LISTEN Your fast-paced, tell-oriented, goal-oriented approach often causes stress in people you work with. When you flex, make a determined effort to listen to others. Try to clearly understand their ideas, suggestions and requests. Equally important, listen until you understand the nature and strength of their feelings, the values and frame of reference that make their ideas worthwhile in their eyes.

STYLE FLEX FOR ANALYTICS

SYLE FLEX FOR AMIABLES


DRIVER

When flexing to a DRIVER

* Be task/goal oriented * Keep pace quick, lean forward * Get to business quickly * Be specific/clear * Honor time limits * Establish competence * Have presentation * Be concerned with * Have alternatives * It’s over when it’s over * Don’t bore with abstractions * Be ready for direct questions * Be energetic, fast-paced * Ask directly for a decision * Increase eye contact

AMIABLES

When flexing to an AMIABLE

* Be relaxed, sincere * Emphasise cooperation, support * Give guarantees, assurances * Make person-to-person contact * Negotiate action plans * Increase eye contact * Encourage expressions of doubts, * fears or misgivings * Emphasise value-added -.

* Emphasise feelings or working together * Be nice* Appeal to justice, ethic, truth

EXPRESSIVES

When flexing to an EXPRESSIVE * Be fast paced, energetic, less stiff * Use direct eye contact * Pay compliments, attention * Interject fun * Tap competitive spirit * Give big picture (fewer details) * Talk dreams/vision * Disclose appropriately about yourself * Allow time for socialising * Paraphrase agreement * Talk about their experiences * Drop names, when appropriate * Keep a balance between flowing with the Expressive and getting back on track

ANALYTIC

If you are an Analytic, DECIDE

Your slow, systematic fact gathering, careful weighing of alternatives and cautious decision making often trigger stress in your co-workers.

When you flex, make a determined effort to decide. This means, in the discussion phase to declare - take a stand even if all the facts aren’t in. Then, don’t let your fact gathering and careful weighing of alternatives be a bottleneck to the progress of others - decide. Once you have made your decision, act on it with reasonable haste.

STYLE FLEX FOR EXPRESSIVES


ANALYTICS

When Flexing to an ANALYTIC * Be on time* Get down to business* Be well prepared* Provide information to catalyse decision* List pros and cons* Show that you think logically* Talk about specific action plan* Be deliberate, prepared systematic* Take notes* Allow them to proceed deliberately* Encourage them to decide* Flow up in writing

DRIVER

When flexing to DRIVER

* Be on time, honor time limits* Be task/goal orientated* Keep pace quick, energetic* Get to business quickly* Be specific/clear, focus on RESULTS* Give rationale* Establish competence* Have presentation ready* Have alternatives* It’s over when it’s over* Don’t bore with abstractions* Be ready for direct questions* Ask directly for a decision

EXPRESSIVES

When flexing to an EXPRESSIVE

* Be fast paced, energetic* Use direct eye contact* Pay compliments, attention* Interject fun* tap competitive spirit* Give big picture* Talk dreams/vision* Paraphrase agreements* Talk about their experiences* Keep a balance between flowing with Expressive and getting back on track

AMIABLE

If you are an Amiable, STRETCH

Your slower-paced, people orientated, cooperative, low risk approach may stress your co-workers who are faster-paced and more goal-oriented.

When you flex, be sure to stretch. Demonstrate self-determination. Set and achieve attainable stretch goals. Don’t dodge issues – let others know where you stand. Challenge others to do their best.

STYLE FLEX WORKSHEET


ANALYTICS

When Flexing to an ANALYTIC * Be on time * Be moderately paced, lower voice * Get down to business * Be well prepared * List pros and cons * Show that you can think logically * Remove the risk * Talk about specific action plan * Be deliberate, prepared, systematic * Take notes * Don’t ‘crowd their space, lean back * Encourage them to decide-give time Follow up in writing

DRIVERS

When flexing to DRIVER

* Be on time, honor time limits* Be task/goal orientated* Keep pace quick, energetic* Get to business quickly* Be specific/clear, focus on RESULTS* Give rationale* Establish competence* Have presentation ready* Have alternatives* It’s over when it’s over* Don’t bore with abstractions* Be ready for direct questions* Ask directly for a decision

AMIABLES

When flexing to an EXPRESSIVE

* Be slow, relaxed, sincere * Emphasise cooperation, support * Give guarantees, assurances, but don’t over promise * Don’t try and rush it * Don’t engage in “small talk” * Negotiate action plans * Follow through on your responsibilities * Offer assurances of minimal risk * Encourage expressions of doubts, fears or misgivings * Emphasise working together* Speak more softly

EXPRESSIVE

If you are an Expressive, RESTRAIN

Your quick, impulsive decisions and actions often based on hunches, may stress your co-workers who are less risk-orientated and/or more fact orientated than you. Your higher energy, verbal influence and loud voice may intimidate others.

When you flex, be sure to restrain your impulsiveness. Check the facts before making decisions – look before you leap. Also restrain your talkativeness; when others start to speak don’t raise your voice and talk over them. Listen more. Finally restrain your tendency to be centre stage. Share the limelight with others.

ANALYTIC

DRIVERA S S E R T I V E N E S S

DIAGNOSING

My style: Write “me” in the appropriate sub-quadrant.

Write the initials of the person whose style plan to flex to in the sub-quadrant that represents their style.

Assertiveness: I need to increase decrease continue

Responsiveness: I need to increase decrease continue

Things I can do to flex to the other’s style: (include or decrease assertiveness and responsiveness)

Things I can do to flex to the other’s style: (include or decrease assertiveness and responsiveness)

ANALYTICS

HOW THEY LIKE TO BE MANAGED 1. Give time to study the situation and details. 2. Let them work independently. 3. Give opportunity to set own measurements.

DRIVERS

HOW THEY LIKE TO BE MANAGED 1, Give them firm goals and leave alone. 2. Give feedback on accomplishments. 3. Grant freedom to make decisions.


EXPRESSIVE

AMIABLE

RESPONSIVENESS

4. They prefer non-routine work once routines are established. 5. They prefer to he asked instead of told. 6. Provide rules /guidelines and leave alone. HOW THEY NEED TO BE MANAGED I. Encourage them to he more decisive and have deadlines for decisions. 2. Follow-through, review completion when our part of the process is done rather than at implementation.

COMMENTS TO OTHER SOCIAL STYLES DRIVERS: Give them more facts, don’t push into snap decisions. Think about the consequences before decision-making. EXPRESSIVES: Give the facts, not your inspiration, and take their ideas seriously before brushing them aside. AMIABLES: Don’t let personalities overly influence your decisions, and stand up for your rights when you are right.

4. Be frank and honest; candid. 5. Keep open lines of communication. 6. They like to be able to challenge authority. HOW THEY NEED TO BE MANAGED 1. They need more constraints; sometimes make decisions too quickly. 2. Need feedback on how they treat people. 3. They want heavy work schedule and heavy emphasis on results.

COMMENTS TO OTHER SOCIAL STYLES ANALYTICS: Don’t give so much detail, give them your decision. Don’t be a bottleneck; make recommendations, conclusions. AMIABLES: Act interested in business. They appreciate your friendliness, but think about the task to be done. Don’t be such a “yes” person. Be more decisive. EXPRESSIVES: Don’t take so long, let’s get down to business. Be less charismatic, more factual. Shorter messages.

AMIABLES

HOW THEY LIKE TO BE MANAGED 1. Give them well defined goals. 2. Give them direction/guidance on new responsibilities, give factual information. 3. Manage as individuals - not stereotypes. 4. They want reinforcement and reassurance. 5. Make instructions specific. . 6. Give them time to get the job done. 7. They want to be treated fairly and firmly. 8. They need reasons for changes. No manipulation, please HOW THEY NEED TO BE MANAGED 1. Need constructive changes occasionally. 2. Need clear, concise instructions as to task. 3. Need to be reminded to do adequate objective setting and action planning. 4. Need more frequent checks on progress.

COMMENTS TO OTHER SOCIAL STYLES ANALYTICS: Less detail, please, and get to the point. DRIVERS: Slow down and listen to them. EXPRESSIVES: Get to the point quickly; finish what you start.

EXPRESSIVES

HOW THEY LIKE TO BE MANAGED 1. They operate independently. Like to work with boss as a colleague. 2. They like reinforcement. 3. They like opportunity to try new ideas. 4. Allow input into goal setting. 5. They like to be challenged. 6. They like minimum of paperwork. HOW THEY NEED TO BE MANAGED 1. Give them a heavy work schedule. 2. Have firm time guidelines on projects. 3. Give them critical input on ideas. 4. They may tackle too much. 5. Give constructive criticism; praise.

COMMENTS TO OTHER SOCIAL STYLES ANALYTICS: Make more of an effort to be open-minded with them on new ideas before being judgmental. Let’s get something going. AMIABLES: Don’t be so worried about everything. Don’t be such a nice guy. Don’t let your feelings enter and affect everything. DRIVERS: Try to take time to notice people as people. Don’t push Your will on others, be more negotiable. Be more flexible.

MANAGING OTHERS STYLES


social styles activity[1]

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