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r i s h i k a l i a @ k h a l s a . c o m

26 August 2010

Doctor: Blood group of you and your wife is same.

Patient: Obviously, she has been sucking my blood since marriage.

Son: Dad, when did you go to Egypt?

Dad: Never.

Son: Then where did you get mummy from..?

Husband returns home after drinking 'n says 2 wife :

Darling, aaj kuch aisi baat karo ke mere kadam zameen pe na tiken...

Wife: VE MOYAA....... FAANSI LAA LE

Wife: Tussi mainu kinna pyaar karde ho?

Pati: Shah Jahaan jinna.

Wife: Tussi V mere maran to baad Taj banaaoge?

Pati: Main ta kado da Agre plot lae ke baithaa haan..

teri hi der hai.

Karwaa chauth di sawer wife uth ke sargi karan laggi.

Husband: Eh sawere-sawere ki rolla paaya hai?

Wife: Sutta reh kanjaraa, tera hi seaapaa karan laggi haan.

Lady to punjab police-

Ji mere pati 5 din pehle gobhi laane gaye the,

abhi tak waapis nahi aaye.

Punjab Police Inspector-

Te hor koi sabzi bana lo.....

Wife: Kaash tussi sms hunde,

main zindagi bhar save kar ke rakhdi.

Husband: Kaash tussi v ringtone hunde,

main jado chaahe change kar sakdaa!!!!!

Marrying twice is right choice.

Explaining reason for having two wives,

"Monopoly is always demanding &

Competition improves service.."

Patni(Pati naal bazaar jaande hoye):

Ajj ta tussi bilkul madaari lagg rahe ho.

Pati: Jehde naal tere wargi baandri ture,

oh madaari nahi ta DC laggu..?

Patni: Woh saamne sharaabi dekh rahe ho..

10 saal pehle maine us-se

shaadi ke liye inkaar kiya tha aur

woh aaj tak pee rahaa hai.

Pati: Waah!! itni lambi celebration.

Before marriage:

Tamanna hai magar kismat nahi khulti,

Taj Mahal banaana chaahta hun magar

Mumtaz nahi milti.

After Marriage:

Tamanna hai magar kismat nahi khulti,

Taj Mahal banaana chaahta hun magar

Mumtaz nahi marti.

Pati: Aaj tumne yeh kaisa khaana banaaya hai..Gobar jaisa.

Patni: Hey Bhagwaan, is aadmi ne kya-kya chakh rakha hai.

Wife to husband: Stop looking at girls..you are married now.

Husband: You mean, if i am on a diet..i can't even look at the menu.

Husband wife ghoomne gaye.

Raaste mein ek gadha ghaas khaa raha tha.

Husband: Dekho tumhaara rishtedaar ghaas khaa rahaa hai.

Namaste karo.

Wife boli: Namaste sasurji.

Why love marriage is better than arranged..?

Because a known devil is better

than an unknown ghost..!!

Wife: Darling, today is our anniversary.

What should we do..??

Husband: Let us stand in silence for two minutes.

WIFE STANDS FOR

1.Worries Invited For Ever

2.With Idiot For Ever

3.Without Information Fighting Everytime

4.Wonderful Item For Enjoyment

5.(Yet Thinking.... ;-)

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I was married by a judge.

I should have asked for a jury.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,

"There was water in the carburetor." I said,

"Where's the car?"

She said, "In the lake."

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

"You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love

and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife,

there is no better revenge than

to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken a word to my wife in 18 months.

I don't like to interrupt her.

A man said his credit card was stolen

but he decided not to report it because

the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like

going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want,

then when you see what the other fellow has,

you wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married.

Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father,

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of

Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real

happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.

The woman replied, "A billionaire.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding

is that you never get to prove it.

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,

"I've found a woman just like mother!"

His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.

The rest cheat in Europe.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention

to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men.

It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard.

In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all -

money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a

beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!"

"What happened?" asked his friend.

"My wife found out..."

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go

through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I think one of the greatest things about marriage is

that as both husband and father, I can say anything

I want to around the house.

Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

A successful man is one who makes more money than

his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.

They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

How do most men define marriage?

A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is

to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

Every man should get married some time;

after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have;

the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Bachelors should be heavily taxed.

It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

Don't marry for money;

you can borrow it cheaper.

I don't worry about terrorism.

I was married for two years.

A psychiatrist is a person who will

give you expensive answers

that your wife will give you for free.

Bachelors know more about women than married men;

If they didn't, they'd be married too.

Men have a better time than women;

for one thing, they marry later,

for another thing, they die earlier.

A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.

Marriage is a three-ring circus:

-Engagement ring

-Wedding ring

-Suffering

When a newly married couple smiles,

everyone knows why.

When a ten-year married couple smiles,

everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,

you can be sure of one thing:

either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"

I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands.

If I let go, she shops.

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.

That was only for the estimate.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling,

"Am I too late for the garbage?"

Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

A couple came upon a wishing well.

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish, too.

But she Leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.

After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

What is marriage?

Answer: 1st year:

Alpenlibe - Jee lalchaaye rahaa na jaaye.

2nd year:

TVS - Meelon chalti muskaan.

3rd year:

Kinetic - Sabki hawa nikaal de.

4th year:

Chlormint - Dubaara mat poochna.

Evolution of man:

Shaadi ke pehle: Hero No. 1

Shaadi ke baad: Coolie No. 1

Shaadi ke pehle: Maine pyaar kiya

Shaadi ke baad: Yeh maine kya kiya

Shaadi ke pehle: Jaaneman mat jaao

Shaadi ke baad: Jaan mat khaao

Shaadi ke pehle: Tum bin raha na jaaye

Shaadi ke baad: Tum ko sahaa na jaaye

Shaadi ke pehle: Kuch to bolo

Shaadi ke baad: Kabhi chup bhi ho jaaya karo

Shaadi ke pehle: I LOVE U

Shaadi ke baad: Aaj fir aaloo

Shaadi ke pehle: Milne kab aaogi

Shaadi ke baad: Maaike kab jaaogi

Life before marriage is Airtel - u can Express Urself.

After marriage is Reliance - Always get in Touch.

After honeymoon is Hutch - Wherever u Go ur partner follows

But after 10 yrs. life is BSNL - Subscriber is not reachable.

Wife: Honey, what r u looking for?

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: Y hv U been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?

Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.

While creating wives,

God promised man that Good, Quiet and Obeying Wives

will be found in all the corners of the world &

then he created an oval earth..

Husband to wife: Tum meri zindagi ho aur..

Wife: Aur kya? Tell me aur kya?

Wife shouted tell me aur kya?

Husband: Aur laanat hai aisi zindagi par.

Behosh aadmi ko dekh kar Dr: Yeh mar chuka hai.

Tabhi aadmi bola: Main zinda hun.

Aadmi ki biwi boli: Tum chup raho,

itna bada Dr. kya jhooth bolega.

Biwian apne pati ko A.G. kyun kehti hain..?

Kyonki Bhartiya biwian sanskaari hoti hain,

sabke saamne 'Abe Gadhe' nahi keh sakti isliye

short form se bulati hain..A.G.!

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called,

"Man, the master of woman"?

Sales girl: The fiction department is

on the other side, Sir.

Ek punjabi ladki shadi karne se pehle pray karti hai:

Rabba, ya te sass changi hove, nahi taa photo tangi hove.

Pati: Aaj khane mein kya banaogi?

Patni: Jo tum kaho.

Pati: Daal chawal bana lo.

Patni: Abhi kal hi to khaye the.

Pati: To sabji bana lo.

Patni: Bachche nahi khate.

Pati: Fir keema.

Patni: Mujhe elergy hai.

Pati: Parathe?

Patni: Raat ko parathe kaun khata hai?

Pati: Kadhi?

Patni: Dahi nahi hai.

Pati: Fir kya banaogi?

Patni: Jo tum kaho.

Ek aadmi sasural gaya.

Uski saas ne saat din tak subha-sham usko

palak ka saag khilaya.

Aathve din poocha kya khaaoge?

Aadmi bola: Khet dikha do,

main khud hi char aaoonga.

Faithful husbands will go straight to heaven!

Rest enjoy heaven here on earth.

Pati ke marne ke next day wife ne paper mein ad diya:

Antim sanskaar mein shaamil hue sab logo ko thanks,

From: Hema(32), Height-5'2", 36/24/36,

Gora rang, bachche nahi hain.