Once again the season of giving thanks is upon us—and from my perspective there is so much to be thankful for.

I am grateful that FRC successfully celebrated its twentieth anniversary and that we are now entering our third decade as an organization dedicated to helping children through adoption.

I appreciate FRC’s staff, board of directors and volunteers for their dedication, spirit, enthusiasm and willingness to “get the job done.” It is because of their combined efforts that Family Resource Center is able to do what it does.

I am extremely grateful for all the individuals who have donated their time and given generously to FRC. Without their participation and financial support FRC would have ceased to exist long ago.

Our work is more complex now than ever. Of course we continue to work with women and men who are contemplating placing a child for adoption. We continue to work with people who are interested in creating families through adoption. And, we are increasingly engaged in assisting individuals and families with “post-adoption” services, directly assisting with reunions between children and their birth parents and helping them to examine the meaning of adoption in their lives.

We should be writing a book because the situations we find ourselves in are so compelling and interesting. There is certainly more we would like to share than space in this newsletter allows.

FRC’s experience with the thousands of lives and families we have touched over the years is like a tapestry—woven with threads of many colors and emotions that come from all corners of the earth. In this edition of Small Steps we are pleased to share a heart- felt story written by one of the first children FRC placed for adoption, Audrey, who is now a young adult attending college. Audrey’s story is unique to her, but her search for identity and understanding is not unique to her or adoption.

Sending best wishes and season’s greetings to all!

small stepsautumn 2009

Family Resource Center5828 North Clark Street

Chicago, Illinois 60660(ph) 773.334.2300

(fax) 773.334.8228smallsteps@f-r-c.org

www.f-r-c.org

OuR missiOnFamily Resource Center is committed to helping children around the world

through adoption.

You can find this edition of small steps on our website at

http://www.f-r-c.org/newsletters.php

Do you want to know about educational programs offered by FRC?

Register online at http://www.f-r-c.org/classes.php

FRC adoption program participants can view the website to find out about

upcoming classes and events. Classes offered can be used to satisfy

foster family home licensing requirements.

insiDe this eDitiOn

Message from the Director1

Audrey’s Story1

FRC Keeps In Touch3

FRC Calendar4

Annual Toy Drive4

FRC Annual Picnic5

Dragon Boat Races6

Congratulations7

m e s s a g e F R O m t h e D i R e C t O R

Richard Pearlman

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audrey’s story, an adoptee’s tale

On July 4th 1990 I was given up, not in a sense of anger or frustration but in a sense of responsibility and compassion. For this, I thank her. Her name is

Nichole and for less than 48 hours I was hers and my name was Christina. She was 19, reckless, and worried; and I was an innocent baby. She believed I deserved more than what she could provide at that time in her life and made the brave, selfless decision to place me for adoption. After being in foster care for two weeks, my adoption was finalized, and my last stop was my first real home with my adoptive parents. This chapter of my life was unknown to me, a chapter of darkness that began with an irresponsible boy and girl, a recovering cancer patient and, a strong intelligent loving man longing to be a father again. As I grew up, my past was revealed, through my own memory and conversations with

Continued on page 2

small steps 2

my adoptive parents. This has helped me understand myself and the person I am becoming.

I remember it was a sunny day at Helen King Reynolds private preschool, and all the children were instructed to draw a portrait of their families, a relatively easy assignment for energetic and creative three year olds. As all the children eagerly took out their pale colored crayons and began to draw the smiling faces of their mothers and fathers, I felt confused. At that point in my life, there were two things I knew for sure, my skin was brown, and my mom’s was pale. But I wondered, would my portrait be wrong because the skin colors of my family members did not match those of my peers? Would people cock their heads in confusion as they observed my bi-color family?

When I arrived at home after pre-school that day, I quickly approached my mom with the monumental question that would in part, change the perception of my life from then on. Staring into her loving eyes I asked, “Mommy, why is my skin a different color than yours and Daddy’s?” She replied, “Because honey you were born in the tummy of a woman with brown skin.” Her answer seemed adequate for the time, but the unanswered questions linked to my adoption would arise again soon.

My parents argued a lot. I heard them from my room at night. I later learned from my mom that their marriage was lifeless and troubled. They eventually decided to separate. My mom moved into a one-room studio apartment in the next town, and I shared my time between my mother and father. In this little one-room cottage, my mom and I learned from one another and we grew up together.

Although I attended kindergarten in my old neighborhood to be with my friends during the first year of their separation, it was decided that I go to a Catholic elemen-tary school beginning in the 1st grade. It looked like I was the only child with a mixed family. It was there that I encoun-tered doubts about my life and adoption.

I arrived at school every morning in my mom’s grey Volvo. She would get out of the car, kiss me goodbye, and walk me to the large school doors where children awaited the beginning of a new school day. Other children started noticing the physical differences between my mother and me. One day at recess my friend

Jenna asked me, “Why don’t you have the same skin color as your mom?” I answered with the same answer my mom had replied to me saying, “I was born in the tummy of a woman with brown skin.” She cocked her head, satisfied with my answer, and the subject was dropped.

School wasn’t the only place where I encountered a sense of racial awareness. As I grew older I encountered questioning at doctor’s offices, team-sporting events, grocery stores, and, at church. While stand-ing with my mother in public places such as stores, people would always ask, “Are you together?” as if I would hover behind a woman I did not know. I would smile and politely say, “Yes, we are, this is my mother.” At sports games when the coach would talk to the parents my coach would always ask, “Now Audrey, which one is your mom.” My doubts heightened, I once again began to question my identity and lack a sense of belonging. I found myself wanting to know the real story behind my birth.

After years of birthday parties, parent volunteer experiences, and fieldtrips revolving around school relationships, my mom felt ready to reveal our story. She had worked very hard to give me some roots, establish a base upon which I could rely. I was ready to know where I came from and who I looked like. My family would always say, “You act just like your mom,” never making reference to my looks. Where had I inherited my physical appearance? Sitting down with my mom at the kitchen table she revealed the details of the journey she took that lead her to adopt me.

When my mom was 21, her mother died leaving my mom scared and alone with no motherly figure to turn to. Prior to the death of my Nana Jeanne, my mom lived a carefree life and did not know the

sadness that accompanies loosing someone you love. When she lost the person who cared for her, she had to take on the role of caring for my grandpa, a task she was not yet ready to handle.

But during that time, and although it was difficult, it became clear to her: she wanted a family of her own to love and take care of. Several years after marrying my father, who had two children from a previous marriage, my mom was ready to start her own family. She had difficulty getting pregnant after she underwent several surgical procedures for cervical cancer. The doctors soon informed my mom that in the unlikely event that she got pregnant, the pregnancy would be high risk. She never did get pregnant and my father and she decided not to go through more fertility testing, they just wanted a baby and adoption was discussed as a real possibility. They were persistent in their desire to start a family of their own.

Thus, they began the process—paper work, lawyers, and court dates—Cindy and David, my mom and dad headed toward parenthood. My parents didn’t ask for a blue-eyed, blonde baby. They told the agency they would accept a child of color, even thought some well meaning friends and family warned against it, but my parents felt confident that they could deal with the challenges.

During the months of waiting and days filled with both hope and sadness they finally received the long awaited call. The woman on the other end of the line joyfully informed my mom that “her baby had arrived” an African American baby girl was born just a week before at Oak Park Hospital, not too far from where my parents lived at the time.

Cindy was about to start a family of her own, and that was the only thing that mattered. She knew embarking on this experience would not be easy but her love of children and longing to be a mother pushed her fears aside. She had prayed for months for this day to come, her dreams were coming true. Five days before my adoption, the foster mother called my mom and gave her a report on her baby. She asked what my mom was going to name me. (We had inadvertently found out what my birth name was—Christina—which was my mother’s grand-mother’s name, but she had her heart set on one she had picked out.) My mom told the foster mother that my name

Continued on page 3

Audrey’s ArticleContinued from page 1

audrey, then and now

small steps 3

would be “Audrey Jeanne,” and from that day on she called me Audrey. (I was named after my Aunt Audrey and my Nana Jeanne. Three years earlier my Aunt Audrey had adopted a little baby boy, Joe from Mexico, serving as an example of a humble, loving, willing mother.)

On July 17th 1990, approximately two weeks after my birth, my adoptive parents went to the courthouse to adopt me. My mom tells me how they walked into the crowded courthouse seeing a woman holding a baby wrapped in a pink flowered blanket, she immediately knew that I was their baby. Nervous and excited, she approached the woman and reached out to hold me in her arms. At that moment, she felt a new kind of love embrace her. Seeing me for the first time, my mom knew she could love again and open her heart in a way she had not yet experi-enced. I was innocent and, new to a world full of opportunity and joy. To my mom, I brought back a sense of joy and hope that she had lost earlier from so many losses—death, cancer and then infertility. She did not know the struggles we would face together, she only knew of her desire to love and nurture me, and watch me grow. Holding me in her arms on that that first day, she felt an instant connection, almost as if it was meant to be. She stared into my little dark brown eyes, I was hers, and she was mine.

Sitting at the kitchen table as tears welled up in her eyes as she recounted the story behind my adoption. My past had become clear; I was experiencing a decade of emotions in one sitting. Feelings of confusion, happiness, sadness, and shock rushed over me as I attempted to process the story of my life. Sometimes, I wish that I never knew the story behind my parent’s struggles; it hurts.

She saw my emotion and gently took my hand.

“I do not want you to think that because you were given up—no—placed for adop-tion is the correct term— you are loved any less. Daddy and I love you more than you will ever know. You came to us and created a new love for me. God put you on this earth to fill our lives with joy and spirit, every night I go to bed and thank God for your birth mother who gave you to us.”

I felt her love for me through the warmth of her touch. Every night after that conversation we added a little prayer for my birthmother to our nightly ritual. It was then that I realized that everything happens for a reason, allowing me to

realize that, I was meant to be adopted by the people who adopted me. My birth mother struggled with the loss, I am sure of it. I imagine that giving up one of your children is one of the hardest deci-sions to be made because, while it may be in the best interest of the child, you loose a part of yourself. She let me go releasing me into the world with the hopes that I would find a life better than she could provide. I like to think that her actions were selfless but, a part of me sometimes thinks she was a selfish coward. This part of me is a child that longs to be wanted and biologically connected to the woman that gave me life.

I was not Nichole’s first baby. I have a half-brother who was born before me which she chose to keep. Sometimes, I wonder why him, and not me? I then think of the gifts God has given me and my parents. With my adoption, my mom regained a sense of spirituality, and hope in the future. My birth mother released me into the world and gave my parents a gift they never thought they could receive. Nichole kept a part of me, and my sense of natural security. On the day I was given up, I lost a biological connection to myself, the part that identifies with physical family traits.

I often sit and wonder; whose eyes and nose do I have and where I did I inherit my height and facial bone structure? I feel insecure when I think about these things. Then I realize the things I have inherited from my adoptive mother—her sense of diligence and hard work, sense of humor and periodic type A personality—and I realized the most important things in life are not the looks we inherit or our skin colors, but the sense of stability and love we share with in our families.

Through my adoption, I have been able to see the trials and tribulations that both my biological and adoptive mothers have gone through. It is clear that life provides us with what we need, and that some-times, situations that may seem tragic may very well be miracles in disguise. I look forward to meeting my biological mother one day soon. Seeing her, and I hope getting to know her, gives me a feeling of hope and happiness. A missing piece of who I am could one day be found. I hope I look like her.

Editor’s Note: Since writing this, Audrey and her birthmother have made contact. Perhaps we will have a sequel to this story based on that contact.

as you have probably noticed, Family Resource Center has gone “electronic” by introducing

Constant Contact, an electronic service which provides an efficient and cost effective way for FRC to stay in touch with you.

As members of our community have told us, getting updates and announcements via Constant Contact allows them to better maintain their schedules and keep reminders of upcoming events.

Constant Contact allows FRC to securely store emails and create flyers, notices, invitations, news updates, bulletins and other correspondence that help FRC and our community of families and friends stay connected. This coming year we will be offering opportunities to attend round table discussions, activities for young people, family activities and special classes and symposiums.

But we need your help. Now, it is more important than ever that your contact information be current and updated. We also need current and accurate email addresses for all those friends and family members interested in staying informed about FRC.

One thing we want you to know about this service— FRC will NEVER sell your email address or provide it to another company.

Addresses are used only to send elec-tronic messages to our community, and each recipient may opt out of further correspondences at any time.

To sign up to receive FRC emails or to update your email address or the address of a friend or family member, please contact FRC’s Angela Bartle at abartle@ f-r-c.org, or (773) 334-2300.

FRC Keeps In Touch with Constant Contact

small steps 4

F or the seventh consecu-

tive year, Family Resource Center is holding its annual Holiday Toy Drive.

Birth mothers who have placed children for adoption, or who are considering a placement, are often raising other children. Many are struggling to make ends meet, and do not have extra money for the holidays. When they call to say they have no money for toys, it is deeply gratifying for us to say we can help. Your generous donation provides these families with special gifts for their children. In many instances, this is the only gift a child will receive.

Please help us to bring holiday joy to more families this year by donating unwrapped new toys, suitable for an infant or child up to the age of fifteen. Toys should be sent or delivered to FRC at 5828 North Clark Street in Chicago any time until December 11, 2009. Please label your package “FRC Toy Drive”.

In previous years several Target gift cards were donated—and greatly appreciated! They were used by our staff to purchase additional gifts when there were not enough gifts in certain age groups. Please consider giving gift cards, checks or cash again this year. Phone Angela Bartle at FRC with any questions about this program: 773-334-2300.

Join FRC’s annual holiday toy Drive

D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 9

Domestic Program introduction meeting

12/2/09 7:00 to 9:00pm

understanding adoption: From Delivery to Possible Placement

12/6/09 2:00 to 4:00pm

Becoming an adoptive Family with Katharine mann

12/8/09 7:00 to 9:00pm

a Birth Parent Panel— adoption from Birth Parent’s Perspective

12/13/09 1:30 to 3:30pm

toys for tots Donation Deadline

12/11/09

Jewel-Osco shop & share

12/28/09—12/30/09

J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 0

Domestic Program introduction meeting

1/13/10 7:00 to 9:00pm

talking to Children about adoption

1/17/101:30 to 3:30pm

FRC 1st annual Bowl-a-thon Waveland Bowling Lanes

1/31/10 12:00 to 3:00pm

D E C E M B E R / J A N U A R Y

FRC Calendar Always check web site www.f-r-c.org /classes.php for added classes and events and changes in schedule. Pre-registration for classes is required.

in memory…

In the past, when members of the FRC community have passed, many families have chosen to honor them by asking friends and family to donate to FRC in lieu of flowers.

This past May, Minna (Oma) Natif, a long-time friend of FRC, passed away suddenly. Oma took a special interest in FRC’s temporary care babies. Oma regularly shopped for baby clothing, which she then donated to FRC for babies in temporary care. Her family chose to honor Oma’s connection with FRC by asking that contributions be made to FRC in lieu of flowers. FRC is grateful for the love and support of Oma and her family.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • small steps 5

share a joyful holiday greeting with family and friends when you send a FRC holiday card. This holiday card, created by well known Chicago

artist, Tom Melvin, features a beautiful winter scene of FRC's building complete with charming mural of children from around the world. Inside the card you will find a holiday greeting suitable for all recipients. There is also a message on the back of the card describing FRC and telling of your support

for adoption. Best of all, 100% of the proceeds from this card benefit FRC!

A pack of 25 cards and envelopes, costing just $20.00, can be picked up at FRC during business hours. Add an additional $5.00 for priority shipping by USPS. Packages usually ships within 2 days of purchase. Free shipping on orders over $60.00.

To order your cards today, please con-tact FRC's Angela Bartle at (773) 334-2300 or email her at abartle@f-r-c.org.

FRC Celebrates 20 years at Annual Picnic!

O n Saturday, September 12th, Family Resource Center (FRC) celebrated its 20th Annual Family Picnic. More than 500 friends of FRC gathered at Busse Woods Forest

Preserve in Elk Grove Village to enjoy a day of great food, perfect weather and fun activities for the kids. Pony rides, a petting zoo, bounce houses, giant slide, face and hand-painting and a visit from Clifford, the Big Red Dog, were just a few of the afternoon highlights. As usual, we also played games, including the kids’ favorites—the water balloon toss and the caterpillar game!

The picnic continues to be a popular annual event for those in the FRC community, and it was wonderful to see people reconnect with each other and with FRC staff. Once again, Busse Woods turned out to be the perfect venue, offering plenty of room to spread out, ample parking and a beautiful setting. Kids large and small went home exhausted but happy, full of ice cream, cotton candy and memories of a wonderful day.

FRC Holiday Greeting Cards Now Available!

small steps 6

On Saturday, July 25th, for the first time, FRC participated in the 2009 Chicago Dragon Boat Race for Literacy. The

“FRC Racers” gathered together to compete with 30 other teams racing in beautifully decorated dragon boats on the Chicago River. Twenty team members raced on behalf of FRC, and the team included representa-tion from FRC China Travel Groups 45, 46, 47, 48 and 50. FRC‘s own Richard Pearlman also participated on the rowing team!

The event kicked off at 8:30 am in Ping Tom Park with opening ceremonies that included a traditional lion dance. In addition to the races, there were activities all day to entertain the kids—including food, crafts, bounce houses and cultural performances. It was truly a fun-filled day for families.

The FRC team raced in two time-trial heats, winning the first heat and then getting a “bye” in the second heat. In the exciting third heat, the FRC Racers lost by a second, and placed 11th in the overall standings. Congratulations to the team—most of whom had never raced in a dragon boat before! Go FRC!

Spending the day at the dragon boat races is a great way for our adoptive community to gather and stay connected. Several travel groups had reunions, and many new friendships were made. It is also a great way for our children to get involved in the local Chinese-American community. This year the boat was filled with adoptive parents and FRC supporters, but hopefully in the future the racers will be our sons and daughters from China!

Dragon Boat Races

sPeCiaL PROJeCt! the auction committee has begun working on creating another special video presentation

for the spring gala. You can participate by mailing or emailing updated photographs of your children to angela’s attention at FRC. Please be sure to include your name, your child’s name

and contact information. Contributed photos will not be returned.

Plans for our 21st gala are underway! We will be returning to the Hyatt Regency O’Hare.

It Is not too late to help!Please participate—join a committee —your help will be appreciated!

For information please contact FRC’s Angela Bartle:(773) 334-2300 or by email at abartle@f-r-c.org

s aV e t h e D at e !FRC’s 21st anniversary gala

saturday, april 17, 2010

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Phone team and temporary Foster Care angels make a difference!Family Resource Center is seeking more Foster Care Angels. This is a meaningful way in which to provide temporary care for newborn infants and, occasionally, for children up to two years old. The caregiving family should have one parent who can be with the child full time during the length of the stay. The care of the child may last between an overnight stay up to two months. Foster Care Families may indicate their preference for length of stay. If you are a DCFS licensed family, please consider this opportunity to become a Foster Care Angel! Please contact Pam Brown at (309) 697-2339 or by e-mail at pbrown@f-r-c.org.

Volunteer Phone teamSandi AlguireSandy AndersonPamela BrownSusan BraithwaiteCatherine ConleyElizabeth DietzKatie DoughertyCarrie & Dan DuranCheryl and Shawn DunnettMichelle GlickAdeline and Steve HenkeKathy HerndonJoe KentDiana & Andy LihositTudy MagnusonLinda Marder

Michelle MascaroCarolyn MasonKathy McCabeElaine MorganMark and Lee MulertMichael NelsonMarianne and Steve NemetzRob O’BrienRichard and Cathy PearlmanCorynne RomineJulie and Gary SpanglerJane TurnerMargaret and Mark WasielewskiAndi YakovitzDawn and Ted Zemper

temporary Care angelsPamela BrownCharles and Kathy BrownTom and Vita DonovanSidney and Debbie FrischEd and Becky O’ConnellBruce and Susan OsborneTom and Maripat Tropp

Angela Bartle, Phone Team Coordinator

Congratulations to those who adopted with assistance from FRC this past year!Glenn & Lyn • TeaWalter & Jean • AyannaMichael & Stephanie • MaxMichael & Stephanie • AlexRoy & Mary • TewabechMichael & Barbara • ElaynaScott & Maria • MayleneGregory & Tina • SierraNectarios & Artemis • YuriKevin & Kathleen • NicholasEdward & Mary Jane • JulietJerry & Oanh • KyraBeth • ArielleMark & Cathleen • GraceJames & Nicole • HunterCharles & Ann • MargaretChristopher & Jean • MichaelRoss & Karen • Maya

James & Kendra • AmyPatrick & Ann • LuciaJeffrey & Carol • KeiraMarc & Sarah • Eleanor Asif & Nabila • AbdulbasitMarshall & Jessica • RuthHenry & Carol • ElizabethRenato & Gina • ElenaDaniel & Diana • NahomJames & Richelle • Lia Andrew & Elizabeth • Emma Charles & Kathryn • TalonRobert & Katherine • NaomiTimothy & Barbara • SpencerDavid & Mary • RyanGeorge & Penny • MariamaMark & Michelle • MichaelThomas & Dana • MatthewShelly & Deborah • IsaacTodd & Daisy • Tyler

Ted & Dawn • EverettCraig & Christa • LydiaChristopher & Chris • SageBryan and Mary • JamesDarryl & Erin • IsaacCatherine • CarolineJeffrey & Elizabeth • TaiRob & Daphna • BeckyAdemola & Sharon • AyodelePatrick & Shannon • SeanJoshua & Amy • EleanorJames & Jennifer • BaileyAnthony & Temika • BreannaAnthony & Temika • Davia’nnaShane & Mojica • PenelopeJames & Staci • AnyaMichael & Nancy • JackKevin & Tracy • MollyMichael & Arlene • RoyNadine • Alana Moe & Rachida • SoufianeBenjamin & Jennifer • JoselynDaniel & Jacquelyn • AngelinaKevin & Brandy • CamdenKenneth & Sarah • ZoraWilliam & Kimberly • LiamChristopher & Geralyn • DelaneyThomas & Erin • KennethEduard & Barbara • VairleneMichael & Melissa • EvanAaron & Tera • BellMelody • MaryJeffrey & Lieven • EllaJeffrey & Lieven • MayaChristine • NathanJames & Nicole • BenjaminMatthew & Amy • MaxwellSeyed & Zohreh • Nima

small steps 7

Richard Pearlmanexecutive Director

Jane Turnerassociate Director

Angela BartleSusan Braithwaite

Pam BrownAmy EmerzianJanelle Harden

Misty JovanovichRobin Kidd

Marilyn LindemanLinda MarderGail McGraw

Kathy MosesianJoan Reardon

Paulina RestrepoMichelle SetkaLeslie Wallace

auxiliary staff & VolunteersKathryn Bauer

Kyle Colerider-KrughRachel LevitskyJessie Williams

Lawrence Rosenzweigpresident

Debbie FrischVice president

Aaron Brookstreasurer

Martin Lindenbergersecretary

Michael DrelicharzJames DorociakLinda EichornDavid FloodGary Gerber

Ronald E. KimmonsMark Mulert

Paul PartingtonMichael PleckiJessie Williams

FRC’s staFF & suPPORt

FRC BOaRD OF DiReCtORs

Family Resource Center5828 North Clark StreetChicago, Illinois 60660(ph) 773.334.2300 (fax) 773.334.8228adoption@f-r-c.orghttp://www.f-r-c.org

Registration is now open!For more information, please check our website at

www.f-r-c.org/bowling.php or contact FRC’s Angela Bartle at abartle@f-r-c.org or (773) 334-2300

Make a Striking Difference in the Lives of Children!

saVe the Date!FRC’s 1st annual Bowl-a-thon

sunday, January 31st, 2010