seven stupid things storage companies say

7 Stupid Things Storage Companies Said in 2015

@Tintri© 2015 Tintri Inc. All Rights Reserved. 2

The data storage market is crowded, and so there are dozens of companies competing for limited attention. That means you get to see companies experiment with bizarre terms, make wild over-promises and jump on jargon bandwagons. Following are the 8 stupidest things we saw storage companies state in the past 12 months. Each of them was publicly used by one or more companies… and we’re not entirely innocent ourselves—it’s just that when we say it, it’s true .

Disclaimer

Every storage provider claims their analytics are real-time. But the irony reaches new heights in these kinds of statements: “Every 10 minutes we extract data about your storage so you can perform real-time analytics.” So, real time is like, delayed 10 minutes?

It’s like saying “All United Airlines flights depart in real time.”3

1. Real-time analytics


Hyperconverged products often compare themselves to web-scale technologies used by Facebook, Amazon and Google. But the SMBs that buy hyperconverged are completely different from Google’s highly customized data centers. These two don’t have a lot in common—definitely not twins (second cousins at best).

2. Web scale


OK, so your installation guide fits on a business card. And so what if that business card folds out into a small map? And who cares if the first step is the wildly tedious and outdated “carving LUNs and volumes”? Well, I guess it’s not radical simplicity, just an oxymoron.

3. Radical simplicity

Great oxymorons across the ages…

Jumbo Shrimp Soft Rock Radical Simplicity


Sure, you’re aware that you’re storing virtualized workloads, but can you even distinguish them from your physical workloads? Can you take action on just one VM? Replicate, clone or analyze that VM?

There’s something to meditate on.

4. Virtualization-aware


If in order to generate VM-level analytics the storage has to use estimates, averages or correlations… it’s not VM-level (and it’s not useful to make decisions).

5. VM-Level analytics


The headline: Our all-flash storage is 3x (or 5x or 10x) faster than the competition**.

**The competition is hard disk drives.

Still impressed?

6. 3x Faster Performance


Our compression and deduplication is revolutionary! Our all-flash hardware is totally disruptive! Nope, entering 2016 it’s all table stakes. The players with a winning hand are drawing on virtualization and cloud, and understand the value of proprietary software.

7. Revolutionary / Disruptive


If you’ve been paying attention to storage, no doubt there are some canned phrases or inane ideas you’ve heard providers spout. What’s the most outrageous, deceitful or stupid thing that’s been said?

Tell us all about it at:

@Tintri

@Tintri_EMEA

[email protected]

What’s #8?

seven stupid things storage companies say

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