seven intelligent ways to influence and persuade

Seven Intelligent Ways to Influence and Persuade

V1.0

by Judy Rees

of www.intelligentinfluence.com

© Judy Rees 2010 www.intelligentinfluence.com

http://www.intelligentinfluence.com

http://www.intelligentinfluence.com

Contents

What this report can do for you 3

Chapter 1: Grasp The Nature of Influence 5

Chapter 2: Use the easiest method to build rapport 8

Chapter 3: Listen and win 10

Chapter 4: Control the conversation with great questions 13

Chapter 5: Use The Meta-Force! 16

Chapter 6: Control emotions with the Power Switch 19

Chapter 7: What do people really want? 22

What happens next? 24

About Judy Rees 25


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What this report can do for you

The fact you’re reading this means you probaby want to become a more persuasive person.

But how will that help you? Respondents in a recent survey said:

Whether you’d have given one of those answers, or something different, this report will help

you become a more elegant, more effective influencer.

It will help you to get your own way in a wide variety of different contexts. Whether you’re at

work, at home, out socialising... wherever you interact with people, these skills will help you.

Importantly, they’ll also help the people you’re interacting with. And they’ll enhance your

relationships with those people.

You’ll discover their hidden depths, which makes conversation much more interesting, useful

and fun. You need never be bored or nervous at a social event again!

Intelligent Influence is useful for people who sell, but it’s not just for salespeople. It’s useful for

parents, but not just for parents. It’s useful for managers and for their staff, for analysts and

consultants of all kinds, for journalists, marketers, designers... and for many other people.

Many of my examples will refer to sales - but I trust you will be able to easily translate these

into your own contexts.


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Who is Intelligent Influence not suitable for?

I’m sure you’re already familiar with the concept of win-win outcomes. Well, win-win is at the

heart of Intelligent Influence. And that means it’s not for everyone.

• If you are determined to force your view on others at any cost, then Intelligent Influence is

not for you. That’s not influence - that’s bullying. But if you have something of real value to

offer to others (and I’m sure you do) then Intelligent Influence will help convince people to

“buy” it from you.

• If you are a hit-and-run salesman with no need or desire for repeat business, then

Intelligent Influence is not for you - at least, not just yet. In the short term, you will find

other, more suitable tools and techniques elsewhere. Perhaps you’ll choose to come back

when the time comes for you to move up in the world, and to take a more senior role with

a more mature approach to persuasion and influence.

• If you want to stick with the crowd, and do what you’ve always done, then Intelligent

Influence is not for you. These are leading-edge techniques, drawing on some of the most

exciting ideas from the science of the mind, which until now have been known to only a

few scores of experts worldwide.

What’s in this report?

In this document you’ll discover the central principles and key skills of Intelligent Influence.

You’ll find out specifically how you can use it to become a more persuasive person, to

improve your relationships, and to get more of what you want in life.

You’ll discover how simple effective persuasion can be... and you may kick yourself for

missing certain information which has been “hidden in plan view” until now.

I’ll share specific techniques and describe how you can use them in different contexts.

And then it’s over to you. I can get this material into your hands, but it’s up to you to get it

into your life. Use it! The sooner you do so, the more influential you’ll become and the greater

the impact on the people around you.


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Chapter 1: Grasp The Nature of Influence

Once you understand the nature of influence, then becoming more influential - and reaping

the benefits of that - becomes simple. And after reading this chapter, you’ll grasp some

important aspects of that nature.

First, though, let me tell you a story. A few years ago, when I left a secure job managing a

large team of journalists and set out as a freelance, I was terrified of “selling”. I would break

into a cold sweat at the thought of phoning a potential customer. And as you can imagine,

that didn’t help to build my business!

I was working with some top-name NLP, hypnosis and persuasion experts to help them get

their most powerful ideas down on paper (and on “virtual paper” in reports like this one). I had

a strong grasp of their ideas and the way they wanted to present them, and was already an

expert in interviewing and writing.

I could talk to them easily about what they wanted... until a real possibility of paying work

emerged. Then, the conversation became a “sale”, and a cacophony of warning bells and

lights and buzzers went off in my mind, reducing me to a stammering wreck. I’d tell myself

“I’m no good at selling,” and sure enough, my success was pretty limited.

So I set out to learn all I could about sales and influence, in the hope of overcoming my

problem. I read all the books and interviewed many leading experts, creating a series of

magazine articles. And at the same time I was also becoming an expert in a coaching and

therapy technique called Clean Language (of which more later).

And gradually a realisation emerged.

We’re always selling. We’re always influencing each other. We’re always persuading.

As fellow Clean Language enthusiast Phil Swallow puts it, “The only way two people in the

same place can avoid influencing each other is if both of them are dead.”

From the time when you were a tiny baby, crying to influence your mother to pick you up,

you’ve been trying to influence people.

Have you been successful? Certainly, or you wouldn’t still be here. We have to influence

people every day to survive in our connected world.

The question is, could you be even more successful? I suspect so.


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Old and new models of influence

People used to believe that “selling” or “persuading” was something that one person did to

another. It was as if people were like billiard balls - the persuader simply needed to take his

shot in a particuar way, the balls would roll smoothly aross the baize, and he’d pocket a sale.

The fast-talking salesman would have an armoury of linguistic tricks up his sleeve, which he’d

use (right on cue!) to trap his prospect into parting with cash. “Buyers’ remorse” might follow,

but he’d be long gone by then.

In other words, the salesman believed: “I have power over you and can make you do what I

want. Never mind what you want.” It was a Newtonian, mechanical view of the world.

The Newtonian, mechanical view of the world is useful up to a point. It’s very good at

predicting the behaviour of billiard balls, for example. But as soon as life gets more

complicated, at larger and smaller scales for example, the Newtonian rules of thumb are no

longer enough to describe, or predict, what happens.

And sales experts have discovered that similarly, the real world is more complex than the

billiard table. The old tricks may be great for selling snake-oil from a market stall - but don’t

help when it comes to a year-long sales process for a massive new computer system. They

may get the girl for a one-night stand, but they don’t lead to happy marriage.

And so increasingly the leading experts (such as Robert Cialdini of “Influence” fame, Neil

Rackham of SPIN Selling, James Borg in his bestseller “Persuasion”, or NLP and “ethical

influence” trainer Jamie Smart) take a larger and more holistic view.

Put at its most basic, their structure for effective persuasion is:

1. Find out what the other person wants

2. Demonstrate how you can fulfil this desire.

Intelligent Influence is also based on this simple structure. But unlike many other systems, it

keeps first things first. It provides answers to a key question: answers that are noticeably

absent from most books and courses on sales, persuasion and influence.

What, specifically, should you do to find out what people actually want?

And as a bonus, Intelligent Influence enables the process of “finding out” to power the whole

sales or persuasion process - and ensure you get that win-win outcome easily.


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Too simple? Let’s go deeper

A more sophisticated model of a sales or persuasion process might look something like this:

Find out what the other person wants Demonstrate how you can fulfil this

Expert persuaders - and Intelligent Influencers - pay most attention to the first part of the

process. They have taken on board important lessons from the modern science of mind, and

understand key principles such as:

• Emotion, not just rational thought, drives buying behaviour

• People buy from familiar people they like and trust

• People only buy once they really feel the “pain” of their current situation - but it’s unpleasant, so they’d rather not go there!

Most sales training courses, however, focus on the second part of the process, and particularly on presentation skills. These are important and valuable, certainly, in getting your ideas across, and they can give you (and the trainer) an air of glamour and glitz.

What they won’t do, at least on their own, is get you the sale.

For that, we need to get the horse and the cart in the correct order.

We’re going to focus on questioning, listening and information-gathering skills... and then use these skills to discover secrets that will give your presentations a killer punch.


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Chapter 2: Use the easiest method to build rapport

For once, the experts all agree: building rapport and trust is normally the first step to

persuading anyone of anything. In this chapter, you’ll learn a surprisingly simple technique to

quickly build rapport on the phone, in email or in text messages, as well as in face-to-face

conversations.

Rapport - that sense of being on the same wavelength as another person - is vital to

relationships. And effective relationships are vital to productive team working, as well as

making working life more enjoyable.

From the boardroom to the reception desk... consultants, contractors, offshore teams...

salesmen, project managers, helpdesk... wherever people need to work well together,

rapport oils the wheels.

If you work or socialise with other people, then over the years, you’ve probably learned lots of

techniques for establishing rapport.

You’ve learned to shake hands, to smile, and to keep your body language “open”. And you

may have experimented with increasing eye contact (probably with mixed results - some

people love lots of eye contact, others find it very uncomfortable).

The thing is:

• People trust people they like.

• People like people who they believe are like them.

When you first meet someone, of course, you know very little about them. So how do you

overcome this barrier and convince them that you are actually very similar to them?

In fact, it’s surprisingly easy to do. You don’t need lots of background research. You just need

to keep your eyes and ears open, focus on the other person rather than yourself, and use the

information you receive in a very specific way.

Here’s the easiest method of building rapport there is:

• To quickly convince anyone that you are like them, use their words.

Don’t paraphrase - parrot-phrase!


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The magic of parrot-phrasing

This simple strategy works astonishingly quickly and effectively. It’s like magic: it’s as if hearing

their own words lulls the person’s subconscious mind into trusting you.

But it’s also based on solid science. In a recent piece of research, it was found that a waitress

increased her tips by 70 per cent simply by repeating the customer’s order back to them,

rather than saying “okay” or “coming right up”.1

People’s words are important to them. By parrot-phrasing, you demonstrate that you’ve really

been listening. When you use their words exactly, they feel respected and acknowledged.

You’ll become a member of their “club” - it seems obvious to them that you understand

them, and that you are like them.

It’s no distance from there to being liked and trusted.

So how, specifically, can you do this? It works effectively in face-to-face conversations, on the

phone, or in email or text message.

• You can simply repeat back the person’s words, as if making a note for yourself.

• You can repeat them back with a curious tone, encouraging the person to say more.

• You can use their words in a question, such as one of the 2 Lazy Jedi questions (see next section). If neccessary, put their words in “quote marks” (perhaps using voice tone and/or gesture).

• You can remember the person’s specific words for important information, and reintroduce them later in the conversation.

It may feel slightly awkward for you the first time you do this, simply because it is unfamiliar. But as they say: “If you always do what you always do, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

What’s amazing, though, is how parrot-phrasing affects the other person. People typically report feeling really listened to, really understood.

“It’s like you can completely see what I’m saying, and it makes perfect sense to you,” is how one described it.

What needs to happen for you to try this out, right now?


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1 Reported in A Dijksterhuis, P K Smith, R B van Baaren and D H Wigboldus (2005) "The Unconscious Consumer: Effects of Environment on Consumer Behaviour", Journal of Consumer Behaviour, 15, pages 193 - 202

Chapter 3: Listen and win

“Powerful persuasion begins with the ability to hear what others are saying,” says James

Borg in his bestseller Persuasion: The Art of Influencing People.

Another of my favourite quotations comes from Wilson Mizner. He said: “A good listener is

not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.”

Our media-rich society quite rightly celebrates great speakers and writers. In books, on TV,

online, in the papers, we’re continuously surrounded by fascinating and persuasive messages

from people who have “something to say”.

In all the noise, it’s easy to overlook the impact of good listening.

Borg is quite right when he says: “Of all aspects of communication, listening is the most

important...

“Think about somebody you know who isn’t a good listener. Who, in fact, never seems to

listen to anything you say. Frustrating, isn’t it? And how does it make you feel about that

person? Chances are they will have a hard time persuading you as you are too busy feeling

annoyed because they never listen...

“When people are accused of being poor listeners, it is usually done behind their backs. So

they remain unaware of this major failing, which can lose them friends, work colleagues and

business clients.”

According to Borg, the average person speaks at 120 – 150 words per minute, but thinks at

600 – 800 words per minute. So the listener is always ahead of the person doing the talking.

Fast thinking is usually regarded as a good thing – but not when you should be listening! In

this context, it means that the listener’s mind has time to wander, to make new

connections… and to start planning what they will say next. Before the speaker has come

close to finishing the point they are making, the “listener” is poised to:

• Interrupt

• Finish the other person’s sentence

• Talk over the other person


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• Offer advice too soon.

No wonder so many relationships – both personal and at work – break down with the

complaint: “You never listen to me!

Three quick tips for better listening

Here are three rapid ways to up your listening game:

1. Pay attention! Turn off distractions such as phones, email, the radio or TV, and focus

completely on the person who is speaking.

2. Ignore your own stream of thoughts. Mentally turn down the volume (or dim the picture) of

your internal chatterbox (or kaleidoscope).2 Don’t worry – those thoughts are yours

already! But this unique opportunity to listen to someone else will never come round

again.

3. Get curious about the speaker. Every person is amazing: this is your opportunity to

discover what’s interesting about this individual, how they think and how they express

themselves.

Make it even more fun by getting more curious

Let’s try an experiment. Think of a flower. What kind of flower is your flower? Take a moment

to make a few notes. Now ask someone else to think of a flower, and then ask: “What kind

of flower is that flower?” Make a note of their answer.

Then try someone else. No two flowers will be identical. All the flowers will be different from

the one you were thinking of. They could be any of hundreds of species. They could be any

colour or size. In someone’s mind’s eye, their flower could be in a particular location, or

imagined on its own or in a particular context. A flower could look ‘real’ or be like a

photograph or a cartoon.

Very soon the number of potential differences outweighs the similarities between different

people’s flowers.


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2 More ways to go quiet inside incude: put your attention outside yourself; otice your internal dialogue and say ‘sssshhhhh’ to yourself; place

your tongue just behind your top teeth so that it’s almost,but not quite, touching them.

And yet, when someone mentions ‘a flower’, we think we know what they mean!

It’s very easy to think that you know what someone means by what they say - when in fact

you have only the vaguest idea of how the world seems to them.

Once you decide you’ve got the message, it’s easy to stop listening and start grabbing for

your turn to speak.

As you hear their anecdote, even before the words are fully out of their mouths, you’re

thinking: “That’s like something that happened to me... Listen!”

But as the “flower” exercise shows, we actually don’t know what they mean, once we get

down to any level of detail. Even with something as straightforward as a flower, everyone’s

thinking is different.

Once we consider more complex, abstract areas the differences become even larger.

Quantitative easing, anyone? Relationships? The nature of God?

It’s a very safe assumption that you really don’t know much about what someone means. The

best way to find out is to suspend judgment and stay curious. And when you stay curious,

you’ll listen more deeply, ask useful questions, and learn more.


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Chapter 4: Control the conversation with great questions

In this chapter you’ll get your hands on some new toys! These are impressive gadgets -

precision persuasion tools that can have a massive impact on your persuasive power. The

experience has been compared to grabbing a light sabre and starting to channel The Force!

And it requires a certain amount of courage. Because at first glace, these gadgets don’t look

paticularly exciting.

They’re questions.

• Why should questions be important to an elegant persuader?

• What difference can effective questions make?

• What’s important to you about questions?

Questions are the persuader’s secret weapon, because they are spectacularly effective at

capturing and directing people’s attention.

When you’re asking the questions, you’re in control - and later in this report we’ll explore how

questions can be used to control people’s emotions.

Questions can also be used to deepen rapport and trust.

And of course, questions are great for gathering information. As I mentioned earlier, expert

persuaders nowadays recognise that it’s essential to find out what the other person wants

before making your pitch.

Learning to ask good questions, and to listen to the answers, is at the heart of the Intelligent

approach to Influence.


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The 2 Lazy Jedi questions

Let me introduce you to two very remarkable questions. Like Jedi light sabres, they are

flexible, multi-purpose tools. With practice, you can use them to direct someone’s attention

with great precision, to focus on almost anything.

The questions were orignally designed by David Grove, as part of his coaching and therapy

system Clean Language. At first glance they may look and sound very ordinary, but in pratice

they have some remarkable features.

The 2 Lazy Jedi questions are:

• What kind of X (is that X)?

• Is there anything else about that / X / that X?

The “X” represents a slot into which you put one or more of the other person’s words. That

means that to use these questions, you have to listen and parrot-phrase!

The questions can be used in casual conversations, in interviews of all kinds, in meetings -

wherever people are talking about anything.

• A business analyst claimed that the well-timed use of these questions in a workshop

saved a €34.8m project from disaster, when he discovered that the two banks driving the

project had differing understandings of a key requirement.

• A project manager used them to bring herself quickly and discreetly up to speed on a new

project which used unfamiliar technology.

• A team of usability consultants routinely use them to understand the details of people’s

interactions with websites under testing.

As you’ll have noticed, the 2 Lazy Jedi questions are very “open”. They introduce as few

suggestions as presuppositions as possible, allowing the person being questioned plenty of

freedom to think.

By using them, you can keep quiet about your opinion, hold back from premature judgment -

and potentially reduce your chance of making a damaging blunder.

You’ll also reduce your natural “pushiness” - which often causes people to push back!


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Driving clarity

You can use the 2 Lazy Jedi questions in a huge range of contexts. But one of the best ways

to use them is to increase clarity.

Ambiguity and confusion, resulting in wasted effort, frayed tempers, and increased costs, are

common in all business environments. Misunderstandings can be bad enough when you’re

face-to-face with colleagues.

And the problem gets even worse when technological, linguistic and cultural communication

barriers are added to the mix.

Language is a wonderfully flexible tool. But its very flexibility leads to problems: everyone

thinks they’re like Humpty Dumpty, who said: “When I use a word, it means just what I

choose it to mean - neither more nor less!”

The more novel or complex the topic, the greater the scope for differences of meaning - even

when you think terms have been carefully defined. Technical or professional jargon, which is

intended to reduce confusion, can actually be a minefield of misunderstandings!

Whenever you want greater clarity, reach into your toolkit for the 2 Lazy Jedi questions.

• The questions can be used in any order, and as many times as you like, but most people

find it most effective to ask “What kind of X?” first.

• It is possible to have a long conversation in which you only ask these questions - I do it

regularly! But I’d strongly recommend that you start by asking one, or maybe two,

consecutive Lazy Jedi questions, until you feel comfortable with the wording and with their

effects.

• Expect the other person to be surprised by your question, to give you a quizzical glance,

and to pause for thought before answering. Being listened to, and being honesty asked

an open question born of curosity, are both worryingly rare experiences!

Check out my short video on the 2 Lazy Jedi questions here


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http://intelligentinfluence.com/launch-videos/lazy-jedi/

http://intelligentinfluence.com/launch-videos/lazy-jedi/

Chapter 5: Use The Meta-Force!

If you’ve done much reading about the way our minds work, you’re probably aware of the

power of metaphor - comparing one kind of thing to another - to influence and persuade.

You’ll know that great teachers, statesmen, artists and religious leaders use metaphors to

capture our hearts, while great salesmen, marketers and gizmo-makers use them as a fast-

track to our wallets.

It’s well known that a great metaphor will bring a piece of writing, or a presentation, or an

advertisement, to life, engaging people’s emotions.

That’s one reason I’ve used lots of metaphors in this report so far: the metaphor “2 Lazy Jedi

questions”, for example, compares two ordinary English sentences to the kind of weapons

which might be used by fictional superheroes.

Metaphors have emotional impact, because metaphor is the native language of the

subconscious mind.

Metaphor is not just an optional extra, some kind of embellishment or decoration added to

spice up language (as the Victorians believed). The truth is, we think in metaphor.3

Scientists across a range of disciplines are excitedly exploring this “discovery” and its

implications. Who’d have thought that we feel “warmer” towards others after holding a hot

drink, or take things more seriously when holding a “weighty” clipboard?4

But what few of them have yet realised is that the metaphors people use in their thinking spill

out in their words, and that the metaphors in their words can provide a doorway into the

unconscious mind.

That’s a vital piece for Intelligent Influencers, because as I’m sure you know, 95 per cent of

our mental processing that takes place out of our awareness. It’s that unconscious

processing which largely drives our behaviour (including buying behaviour).


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3 See, for example, Steven Pinker, “The Stuff of Thought” and Gerald Zaltman, “How Customers Think”

4 See http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/this-is-your-brain-on-metaphors/

Noticing metaphors

Our everyday language is awash with metaphors – something like six per minute, depending

what you include. But it can take practice – and training – to notice these spontaneous

metaphors as they emerge.

In the paragraph above, you probably noticed that “awash” was a metaphor. I was

comparing everyday language to something which can be flooded with water. Language isn’t

a physical object, it can’t be flooded, and metaphors aren’t wet! But I have no doubt at all

that you understood my meaning.

If you were on the ball, you might have noticed that “metaphors... emerge” was itself a

metaphor - the metaphors were being compared to something that could come out (perhaps

rather tentatively) from something else.

I could go on...

It’s also interesting to think about the metaphors around persuasion and influence.

“Manipulate” or “control” are metaphors which imply the direct application of an external

force to something: “I can make you do something against your will.” “Influence” also implies

force, but of a river-like, flowing-together kind...

Noticing metaphors is the first step in using them to influence people. Start to spot them in

advertisements... in politicians’ speeches... in written materials... and in the language of the

people you are listening to.


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Uncovering metaphors

Here’s a critical piece of the jigsaw that hardly anyone knows. It’s possible not only to notice

the metaphors that someone uses, but also to use questions (like the 2 Lazy Jedi questions)

to explore and find out more about them.

All metaphors are persuasive. But the most persuasive metaphors of all are a person’s own.

Most people, most of the time, are completely unaware of the metaphors they use.

Becoming aware of them can be fascinating both for them, and for you.

And as an Intelligent Influencer, being able to reveal a person’s own, hidden metaphors puts

you firmly in the driving seat of a conversation.

There are a number of elegant and sophisticated ways to explore individuals’ metaphors -

and most of them are beyond the scope of a short e-book.5 But the short and simple secret

is that when you hear someone use a powerful metaphor, ask one or more of the 2 Lazy Jedi

questions about it.

For example, someone might mention that during an outing they were “behaving like a big

kid”. In other words, they were using the image of a “big kid” as a metaphor to represent their

sense of fun and enjoyment on the trip.

So you could ask: “What kind of big kid?” or “Is there anything else about that kid?”

Be aware that metaphors can connect people to very powerful emotions, and you’ll often

hear people use powerful metaphors in relation to things they find unpleasant. “It was hell!”

“I’m trapped!” and so on.

Exploring metaphors for unpleasant things can connect people to very unpleasant emotions.

That’s upsetting for them, and can be very alarming for the inexperienced questioner. So, to

begin with, explore metaphors for “good stuff” - the things people like and want more of.

Then, grab the Power Switch.


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5 See “Clean Language: Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds” by Wendy Sullivan and Judy Rees

Chapter 6: Control emotions with the Power Switch

How often do you find yourself thinking: “That didn’t go quite how I intended” as you leave a

conversation? And what would happen if, in the future, those conversations turned out

differently for you?

The key, it seems to me, is to take control of the emotion in a conversation, and use it to the

advantage of both parties. The kind of places in which I use this include:

• When I’m out networking or socialising, I want to make people happier so that we all enjoy ourselves

• When I’m training a group, I want to fill the room with fun and laughter so that people learn effectively

• When I’m shopping, I want the staff to feel friendly and helpful towards me so as to find what I need

• If someone’s angry with me, I want to calm them enough to at least find out why (and to keep myself safe)

• When I’m selling my services, I want my potential customer to feel bad about the problem I can solve – and good about the prospect of solving it together.

Whether you’re trying to surprise your friend, seduce your partner, or convince your boss,

you’re seeking to control emotions.

In saying “control emotions”, I don’t mean that I think emotions are in any way bad, or

unneccessary, or inappropriate. I’m a big advocate of feeling feelings! I do mean that I’m

seeking to recognise what’s frequently going on in human interactions: one person is seeking

to influence the feelings of another.

And I’m seeking to influence you to take more conscious control, and to become more

effective at doing it.

That’s not just becasue I want you to go around making people happy for no reason! Far be it

from me to sugest such as thing. No. Take control, because when you are in control of the

emotion in a conversation, you are in a powerful persuasive position.


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Taking control

The key skill to acquire is the ability to direct a person’s attention to different things: to things

which naturally inspire different emotional reactions.

You already do this when you say to an unhappy friend: “Shall we talk about something more

cheerful?” and guide the conversation away from a problem topic.

Expert persuaders are well aware that guiding emotion is critical to the sales process. It

seems essential to be able to direct attention to, and intensify the emotion around, the

problem that your product or service can solve, the “pain” in sales jargon. Otherwise, why

would your prospect recognise the value of your solution?

Similarly, when your prospect feels excited and enthusiastic about how much better life will

be once the problem has been solved, they’re much more likely to buy.

Find out what the other person wants Demonstrate how you can fulfil this


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The Power Switch

The Intelligent Infuencer’s toolkit includes a questioning pattern which is invaluable for

controlling emotions - and in particuar, for making people happier. It’s called the Power

Switch.

When the person’s attention is focussed on their problem, they’re probaby feeling unpleasant

emotions - and they probably don’t feel that they’re in control. You can use the Power Switch

like the points on a railway, to shift them onto another track. You’ll switch their focus away

from the problem, and toward what they would like instead.

Again, this process is based on questions from David Grove’s Clean Language (though I am

sufggesting you apply it in a different way from his coaching and therapy process).

The Power Switch works like this:

• Listen as they describe the problem

• Ask: “And when <their problem, in their words>, what would you like to have happen?”

• Listen to their answer. Have they changed their focus to what they would like instead of

the problem?

• If not, repeat the question: “And when <their problem, in their words>, what would you

like to have happen?”

• Once they have said what they would like, use questions such as the 2 Lazy Jedi

questions to help them - and you - find out more about it.

Some people, in some circumstances, spring back to the problem repeatedly, as if

connected to it by strong elastic. As questioner, notice this and direct their attention: if their

attention snaps back to the problem, acknowledge what they have said by repeating their

words, and ask again: “And when <their problem, in their words>, what would you like to

have happen?”

Once you have some experience of exploring people’s metaphors, the Power Switch can be

particuarly valuable. You can explore a person’s own metaphor for a problem, engaging

strong, unpleasant emotions... and then use the Power Switch to change track, and direct

their focus to what they would like instead... while staying with the same persuasive

metaphor.

Check out my short video on the Power Switch here


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http://intelligentinfluence.com/launch-videos/power-switch/

http://intelligentinfluence.com/launch-videos/power-switch/

Chapter 7: What do people really want?

You may already be ahead of me here. The techniques above can be combined into a

powerful persuasion system which solves one of the persuaders’ biggest problems - how to

actually get people to say what they want!

Once you have that information, you will have the key to influence and persuade them.

Either, you’ll know that they want what you have to offer - in which case, persuading them

should be easy. It’s just a matter of sorting out the details, delivering, and enjoying their

delight.

Or, you’ll know they want something different, and you can either adjust what you offer, or

refer them to somebody else, or simply walk away. Minimal time wasted, no hard feelings.

Remember, we’ve moved away from that old model of persuasion in which you can force

somebody to do what you want. That’s bullying.

It’s not always obvious, but people often have very good reasons for not saying what they

want:

1. They may not want to say what they want - they may not trust you, or may fear a “hard

sell”, or might know or suspect that you would disagree with their choice

2. They may not know what they want. They may be so caught up in the problem that they

can’t see an alternative, or they may not be aware that any solution exists, or they might

want more than one thing and face a bind

3. May not be able to say what they want, perhaps because it would be so novel that they

can’t quite describe it.

In all these instances, the techniques discussed above can help.


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Establishing what somebody really wants

Armed with the skills and techniques described above, you’re ready to move.

• Establish rapport and trust by parrot-phrasing, using the person’s own words

• Listen carefully to what they actually say, noticing the metaphors they use

• Use questions to focus their attention on what they want (instead of the problem). You

could use the Power Switch, and/or the 2 Lazy Jedi questions, and any other questions

you choose

• Stay curious and suspend judgement for longer than usual. When you think you know

exactly what they mean... ask one or two more questions.

• Expect to have an interesting conversation - and perhaps to make a friend for life!


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What happens next?

It's important that you put this information in this report to use. Otherwise, it will be just

another report that's sitting on your hard drive.

Instead of using this information to influence others in a conscious, deliberate fashion, you’ll

continue to get whatever results you usually get. And if that’s enough for you... well, excuse

me, but why did you read this far?

You owe it to your customers, clients, colleagues, friends and family members to use what

you’ve learned. To take control. To become an Intelligent Influencer.

Check out my 90-day training programme, the Voyage of Discovery, at

http://intelligentinfluence.com/we-are-live

NOTE: STORE CLOSES at 11.59pm GMT on 10 December 2010, so ACT NOW!


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About Judy Rees

I’ve been nicknamed “The Elephant Whisperer” because of my almost uncanny ability to

communicate with subconscious minds. The “elephant” of the subconscious mind powers

our behaviour, including our buying decisions, while the conscious “rider” thinks he’s in

control!

I am the co-author of the bestselling Clean Language: Revealing Metaphors and Opening

Minds.

Formerly a print, TV and online journalist and editorial executive, I now work as a trainer and

consultant, based in west London.

If you enjoyed this e-book, then stay in touch! I welcome and encourage feedback. Please

contact me at [email protected] with your thoughts, your testimonials or anything

else that I can help you with.

You can find more of my articles, products and services at www.xraylistening.com

If you’d like to find out more about Clean Language, the book on the subject which I co-

authored with Wendy Sullivan can be found here.

Finally, if you haven't taken advantage of your free 30 minute strategic consultation on how to

put Intelligent Influence to work for you, please send me an email so we can set up a time to

make this happen.

Also, I am up for doing teleseminars and other virtual events, and speaking at live events in

the UK. Again, email me if this is of interest to you.


25

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1845901258?ie=UTF8&tag=xraylis-21&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=1845901258




mailto:[email protected]

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.xraylistening.com

http://www.xraylistening.com



seven intelligent ways to influence and persuade

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