8/9/2019 Self NARCISSISM VS SELF-ESTEEM

1/3

Self-Esteem Versus Narcissism

The Value of Self-Esteem and the Dangers of Narcissism

Published on June 6, 20 2 b! "isa #irestone, Ph$D$ in %om&assion 'atters

(s a culture, )e are highl! concerned )ith self-esteem$ (nd this is a good thing$*o) )e feel about oursel+es determines ho) )e treat those around us and +ice+ersa$ n .0, /illiam James identi ed self-esteem as a fundamental humanneed, no less essential for sur+i+al than emotions such as anger and fear$ (nd!et, )e often fail to measure the man! distinctions bet)een self-esteem and+anit!, or )e fail to understand ho) our actions and reactions can ser+e tobolster one as o&&osed to the other$

Terror management theorist Dr$ Sheldon Solomon ma1es the &oint that self-esteem is contro+ersial as some claim that it is +itall! im&ortant for&s!chological and inter&ersonal )ell-being, )hile others insist that self-esteem isunim&ortant or is associated )ith increased +iolence and social insensiti+it!$ *egoes on to sa! that those )ho claim that high self-esteem is &roblematic andassociated )ith increased aggression are either )illfull! or un)ittingl! confusingand 3e4uating5 self-esteem )ith narcissism$

The distinction bet)een self-esteem and narcissism is of great signi cance on a

&ersonal and societal le+el$ Self-esteem di ers from narcissism in that itre&resents an attitude built on accom&lishments )e7+e mastered, +alues )e7+eadhered to, and care )e7+e sho)n to)ard others$ Narcissism, con+ersel!, is oftenbased on a fear of failure or )ea1ness, a focus on one7s self, an unhealth! dri+eto be seen as the best, and a dee&-seated insecurit! and underl!ing feeling ofinade4uac!$ So )here do these attitudes come from8 (nd )h! do )e form them8

n our ne) boo1, The Self 9nder Siege, m! father, &s!chologist and author:obert #irestone, and )rite, Vanit! is a fantasi;ed image of the self that is

formed )hen &arents substitute em&t! &raise and a false buildu& for the reallo+e and ac1no)ledgment the! ha+e failed to &ro+ide to their child$ Such&arents lea+e their children feeling unseen and )ith a sense of &ressure to besomeone the! aren7t$

8/9/2019 Self NARCISSISM VS SELF-ESTEEM

2/3

accom&lishments )ere able to build self-esteem$ The others )ere left to de+elo&something far less desirable--narcissism$ 9nnatural &ressure or unearned buildu&can lead to increased insecurities and an=ieties that foster narcissism o+er self-con dence$

Narcissism encourages en+! and hostile ri+alries, )here self-esteem su&&ortscom&assion and coo&eration$ Narcissism fa+ors dominance, )here self-esteemac1no)ledges e4ualit!$ Narcissism in+ol+es arrogance, )here self-esteem re>ectshumilit!$ Narcissism is a ronted b! criticism, )here self-esteem is enhanced b!feedbac1$ Narcissism ma1es it necessar! to &ull do)n others in order to standabo+e them$ Self-esteem leads to &ercei+ing e+er! human being as a &erson of+alue in a )orld of meaning$

Societ! &la!s a role in fostering self-esteem or narcissism$ Dr$ Solomon e=&lains,self-esteem is ultimatel! a cultural construction, because the standards of +alueb! )hich &eo&le ?udge themsel+es are deri+ed from adhering to socialstandards$ These standards can either &ro+ide )a!s for &eo&le to feel goodabout themsel+es, or the! can &romote unrealistic e=&ectations that can onl!destro! self-esteem$ Solomon comments that in (merica, a man has to be richand successful, and a )oman has to be !oung and thinner than a &iece oflinguini, and that7s im&ossible$ *e states,

8/9/2019 Self NARCISSISM VS SELF-ESTEEM

3/3

Dr$ Solomon and his colleagues ha+e &osited that e=istential a)areness and theattem&ts to a+oid death an=iet! ha+e contributed signi cantl! to man! of the)orld7s )ars and &olitical con>icts$ %on+ersel!, both Dr$ Solomon and :obert#irestone argue that )hen death a)areness isn7t denied but recogni;ed, it can beused to &romote &eace and com&assion$ The idea that )e are all in the sameboat, albeit a sin1ing boat Cas Solomon indicates , &romotes a sense of e4ualit!and togetherness$ The ac1no)ledgement that our &h!sical sel+es share thesame fate and that )e all ha+e the same fears, can hel& us to be moreunderstanding of one another7s limitations$

#eeling good about !ourself as a &erson and acce&table for )ho !ou are allo)s!ou to mo+e through !our life )ith a sense of &ur&ose, meaning, and +alue$Ernest Bec1er )rote, the seemingl! trite )ords 7self-esteem7 are at the +er! coreof human ada&tation$ n order to gain a sense of self, )e must &ercei+eoursel+es as +aluable members of a societ! that means something$ @i+ing bac1,

and o ering com&assion, aid, and em&ath! are 1e! to reali;ing our +alue$ /hen)e ac1no)ledge that our time on earth is >eeting, )e acce&t the &ainful realit!that gi+es each action more )eight, each moment more &oignanc!$ t also gi+esus a great o&&ortunit! to ta1e ad+antage of the time )e ha+e and the &eo&le )eshare this time )ith$ Thus, building self-esteem is about building be!ondoursel+es, a sense of communit!, camaraderie, and e4ualit! among our fello)human beings