Saving Our Sons How Single Moms Can Raise Boys

Into Smart, Well-Disciplined, Successful Men

By Dr. Alduan TarttPsychologist, Speaker, Author & Media Personality

www.drtartt.com

Statistics About Single Parent Homes

• 10.4 million moms raising boys• 22 million children living in homes away from their fathers• 50% of the kids today will spend at least some time in a home

without a father before they graduate from high school• Within 10 years of divorce, 2/3rds of children report not seeing

their father within the last year

Moms May Worry…

• Don’t know how to raise boys to be great men• Don’t know how to balance your love & parenting life• Don’t know how to handle your son/s’ father/s• Don’t know how to properly discipline your son• Don’t know how to make your son get on honor roll

Negative Statistics

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

• Boys without fathers are twice as likely to go to prison

• Boys who grow up without their fathers in the household perpetuate the cycle

• Boys who grow up without their father are more likely to drop out of school

Important Research For Single Moms

• Dr. Henry Ricuitti (Cornell University) has concluded that single parenting does not appear to have a negative effect on behavior or educational performance of the mother’s children.

• Instead, it’s the mother’s ability and attitude that are pivotal in the kid’s success

• In essence, it’s the mother’s reaction to the father’s absence that matters most

• If mom feels that she can guide son to amazing success no matter what, she never quits, adapts and son/s prosper

BIG FAITH

“When we activate BIG faith in God in raising our kids, we unleash a power that

wills them to success.” –Dr. Alduan Tartt

Famous Men Raised By Single Moms

• President Barack Obama• Former President Bill Clinton• Dr. Ben Carson• Usher Raymond• LeBron James• Les Brown• Malcolm X

How To Upgrade Your Life (Four Godly D’s)Declaration- Declare to God What You Want (“Lording”)

Distress- Tearing Down of Present You To Make Room For Bigger You (“Lessening”)Development- Adding New & Improved Skills To Transform The Old You Into The New You Who You First Declared (“Learning”)Demonstration- Living In Your Purpose To Fulfill Your Destiny (“Living”)

Declaration

“I Will Raise My Son/s (Say His Name) Into A Smart, Well-Disciplined, Powerful Man

No Matter What It Takes”

Distress Phase- Why Dads Become Absent

• Number # 1 Reason Dad’s Become Absent Is An Overwhelming Feeling of INADEQUACY

• An Man Who Feels Inadequate Would Rather Hide Versus Allow His Kids To SEE His Inadequacy

• Mental Illness, Drug Addiction, Attachment Disorders & Personal Problems

• Inability To Provide Financially

• Toxic Relationship With Mom

How To Re-Engage Dad

• Focus on dad’s heart and not his wallet

• Be honest about what you cannot teach him (Build dad’s ego)

• Boys need to hang around other good men (Seeing is believing)

• Explain that his son’s point view (that not seeing him as a sign of “rejection” or “inferiority”)

• Dad must commit to consistency so that kids don’t have to guess when they will see him (causes anxiety)

Distress Phase- When Dad Won’t Engage• Explain To Your Son That It’s Not His Fault• Set Up a Few Counseling Sessions With Preferably Male

Counselors To Talk About His Feelings To Get Rid of Any Toxic Feelings of Rejection/Self-Blame/Self-Hatred

• Encourage Son To Write Letter To Dad Explaining His Feelings (Drop Off the Emotional Baggage Where It Belongs- Doesn’t Have To Send It)

• Replace Something Bad With Something Better- Enlist Mentors & Other Men In The Community To Step In & Help Out

• Raise Him To Be Smart, Well-Disciplined & Powerful As His Mom

Development Phase- What Your Son Needs You From You

• A Happy Mom • Self-Discipline• Competency• Relatedness• Autonomy

Development- A Happy Mom

• Happier Moms Parent Better & Thus Raise Happier Sons • Must Schedule A Separate Life From Your Children • Parent From The “Overflow”• Parents Should Have At Least 3 Close Girlfriends Who You Spend

Quality Time With 1-2X Monthly To Remain Happy • Date Quality Men (No Social Work Love, Settling For Less, Dating

Out of Pain)

Development- Self-Discipline

• More Than Your Son Needs Sympathy or Mom Guilt For Dad Not Being Around, He Needs Consistent Love & Self-Discipline

• You Are Not Hurting Your Son When You Discipline Him. You Are Hurting Him When You Do Not

• Less Talk and More Action (Talk is NOT Discipline) • Start Firm & Then Become More Lenient Versus Vice Versa (He

Will Take You As A Joke If You Don’t)• Turn Daily Amenities (TV, Internet, Going Outside, etc.) Into

Rewards That Must Be Earned Only After They Behave Never Before

Development- Competency (Skills)

• Exposure (What they SEE is what they will BE)• Place Your Sons Around Successful Men• Visit A College/University As Regularly As Possible

• High Expectations• Don’t Talk About Expectations, Actually Expect Them

• Goal Setting • Have Your Son/s Write Their Goals Out For Their Grades Each

Progress Report (Every 4-6 Weeks)

Development- Competency (Skills)

• Structure (Homework Time Is Daily & Before Leisure)• It Is Your Responsibility To Teach Work Ethic• 30 Min- 1Hour of Studying Daily (Break on Weekends)• Do Homework With Son But Not For Him

• Accountability & Consistency• Hold Son Accountable For Working Daily

• Be Positive & Reward Them With Earned Activities For Hard Work

Development- Relatedness (Connection)

• Must Have A Relationship With God To Understand Purpose (Suicide & Depression Prevention)

• Emotional Connection Through One-On-One Time With You• Schedule Time (15 minutes is minimum) with him consistency• Tune In Without Distraction• Listen Well Enough To Truly “Get Him” • Behave Like You Get Him (Love is a Verb So Do Fun Things Together)

• Improve His Social Skills • How Kids Get Along With Peers Directly Linked To Future Positive

Relationships

Development- Autonomy (Manhood)

• Parent Just Above His Abilities To Encourage Him To Grow• Challenge Him With Age-Appropriate Tasks (Ordering His Own Food,

Changing A Tire, Shopping For Groceries, Ride Public Transportation)• Allow Your Son To Grow By Allowing Him To Fail & Figure It Out

• Give Him A Tutorial Versus Doing It For Him• Use “Scaffolding” To Help Him Problem-Solve

• Give Him Clues To Enhance His Independent Problem-Solving Skills• Require Him To Spend Time With Friends Away From You

• Boy Scouts, Go To Movies/Mall, Play Video Games, Get Out of House

Demonstration- The 5 Qualities All Moms Must Teach To Save Your Son/s

• Ambition- A “Go Getter” Mentality To Live God’s Purpose• Professionalism- Doing Job With Positive Attitude Consistently• Integrity- Doing The Right Thing/s When No One Is Looking• Resourcefulness- Finding Multiple Ways To Get Things Done• Resiliency/Grit- The Ability To Bounce Back From Failure/Stress

Review

• Parenting Your Son Is A Process • (Declaration, Distress, Development & Demonstration)

• Introduce Him To God To Find His Purpose • During Distress Use Your Skills To Parent & Develop Him• Live & Be A Happy Mom

• Time For Yourself, Girlfriends & Dating (Balance Is Key To Happiness) • Develop His Self-Discipline, Competency, Emotional Connection &

Autonomy Skills • Demonstration Of Success By Teaching Your Son The 5 Characteristics of

Successful Men

Call To Action

•Now…Who Says a Woman Can’t Raise a Boy Into An Exceptional Man!•Anything Is Possible With the Power of God!•A Skillful, Happy Mom Raises Skillful, Happy Boys Regardless of Circumstance•The Most Powerful Skill Is BIG FAITH IN GOD!

Contact & BookingDr. Alduan Tartt

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