reflection/memoir: i can do it
TRANSCRIPT
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I Can Do It
By David Pendery
That returning to college after a hiatus of ten years of more can restore a person’s
youth is no secret. My return to college, at 30, has renewed me this way. There is
something about studying past my bedtime, winnowing through college catalogs, making
career plans, or listening to a really good, inspiring instructor that has put a wildly
youthful gleam in my eye. Yes, I even enjoy the youthful—perhaps simply childish—
exhilaration of receiving a professor’s praise for an assignment well done. These are
some of the restorative rewards I have enjoyed by returning to school. But, these
pleasures aside, a more intimate facet of my youth, once overlooked, now embraced by
me, has been my dearest reward for giving myself this second start in college. I could
sum up this element of my youth in the phrase, “I can do it.”
Does that sound glib? I do not mean it so.
For this reward is not simply sweeping youthful enthusiasm (i.e. “I can do
anything”), but the recognition and cultivation of a single, unrealized ability, a little plot
of possibility that I had for too long allowed to lie fallow. This forsaken ability had been
so natural and reliable to me as a youth that, after high school, I found it confoundingly
easy to let go. I realize that these are disquieting words—they are an admission of
abandonment. But I am back now, honing my neglected tools anew. And I can do it.
Not revealing my resurgent ability would be unwise of me. The ability is writing,
and, fortunately, writing stuck by during my twenties, while I was pursuing other dreams.
Even then my somnolent ability often roused, and I found myself speaking with friends
of the appeal of journalism and a college education in that craft, though I cagily qualified
my comments, and minimized my potential to achieve that goal. But such self-
abridgment is behind me now. Perhaps I could have been a better journalist had I started
at eighteen, taking my carefully polished high school essays the next logical step and
© David Pendery 1
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studying writing in college. But I did not study writing, instead embarking on my ill-
starred, unfocused, drastically foreshortened first attempt at college in autumn 1978. And
the less said about that single, sorry semester the better….
But I am back now, sharpening my tools, tilling new ground, reaping new rewards. I
have indeed taken a most circuitous route to reach a most obvious destination for myself.
And the reader no doubt appreciates the paradox of my journey. For, at 30, I had made
my way to an end, only to find myself at the beginning. But I am happy to be here, back
at the beginning, starting again. And if I am merely allowing myself to do what I should
have been doing all along, then so be it. Because now, well, now I can do it.
© David Pendery 2