November 2016

REACHING OUT FROM WITHIN

COURAGE TO CHANGE

Dear Friends,

Pumpkins are a reminder that it’s not too long before before holly trees, silver bells and

a visit to each and every correctional facility is just around the corner. December is a

precious month because I get to share a celebration with each you and get an update

on your groups. Many of you end up at Lansing during the course of the year and you are

so good about reminding me which facility you were in because I must admit after visiting

17 groups I can’t always remember exactly where we celebrated the holiday together.

What I do cherish is that Greg Musselman’s Blue Book serves you well – 34 years later

and still going strong. Each one of you is part of an indescribable experience that is truly

magical. You have learned how to become therapists for yourselves and each other

without any special training. Greg’s vision is in your DNA and you make it work – week

after week, year after year.

I attended a child abuse conference in Cincinnati recently and there was a major

focus on an ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) project created by the the Center for

Disease Control and Prevention. The CDC has created a survey that is being administered

all across the country. The survey asks ten questions about the traumas you experienced

as a child. Most ROFW members who have taken the survey, score very high 7-10. Many

people who are not incarcerated are scoring at high risk levels. This awareness is

mobilizing countless mental health professionals to address this problem by giving

RESILIENCE workshops. In fact, the concept of RESILIENCE is rising to the top of the social

agenda I attended several such workshops and what occurred to me is that those of you

have been actively engaged in Reaching Out From Within could lead these workshops.

Resilience is our capacity to rise above the past, prepare for a future that will capture

all the lessons we have learned, reflect on the wisdom we've acquired and find

opportunities to give back – to give of ourselves to our families, our communities and to be

a part of shaping our culture in a healing way. I'm wondering if all of our groups could

spend a session on collecting personal information about RESILIENCE that could become

possible community workshops. Resilience is about transformation and transformation is

about resilience.

Speaking of transformation, one evening at a ROFW meeting, Bebe, who is a Volunteer

at the Lansing Correctional Facility shared the following positive thought that I treasure -

“A chrysalis has no idea that it is going to become a beautiful butterfly. Just imagine what

human beings are capable of becoming.”

SuEllen

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November 2016

SUBMISSIONS

Want to share an article, story, poem,

or group update? Please do!

Newsletters are bi-monthly.

Newsletters for 2016 will be published

in January, March, May, July,

September, and November.

The next issue will be November. If

you would like to contribute to the

newsletter, please submit to

jmiles@zpi.com for consideration by

the 25th of the month prior to

publication.

Silent Tears of a Still Standing Inmate

By Bambi W.

Have you ever fallen down even though

you’re still standing?

Cried a dry tear?

Been found only to be lost again?

Felt pain that only a stranger you don’t know,

knows?

You long to be held but you’re scared to be

touched.

Desperately sought freedom only to return a

prisoner.

All while you wished you could love without any

fear,

To experience happiness without pain,

To smile without crying,

To live,

To live without dying.

I fell down, only to discover I’m still standing.

My tears are dry steaks on my face.

My silent screams fall on deaf ears.

I’ve been lost and found, found and lost, and I

know it will happen again and again if I remem-

ber to look for Him.

I tell strangers my pain because the ones I know

are the ones I hurt, so I guess they already know.

I let someone hold me once and he touched

my soul.

Perhaps one day he’ll do it again.

I think I’ll always hear these chains …chains of

love, FEAR, happiness, PAIN, smiles, CRIES

Because this…. this is how we live while we’re

dying.

Positive Outlook

“People tend to see what they expect to

see, and believe there is no more. Yet all

around us there is good and bad, beauty and

ugly. I see the beauty – all one has to do is look.

There are more good things to come; this I’m

sure of.”

from Switchbacks (pub. 2017)

by Rheuben J. III, EDCF

Inside & Out Published for the benefit of ROFW

members by Reaching Out From

Within

P.O. Box 8527, Prairie Village, KS 66208

jmiles@zpi.com

3

November 2016

Celebrating the Good of 2016

In today’s society, we are confronted with the negatives of the news and what is happen-

ing in the world on a daily basis. As we enter the holiday season and 2016 draws to a close, I

wanted to take a minute to celebrate the positive things which occurred in our world this

year. In America, 2016 marked the arrival of the NASA spacecraft Juno which reached Jupi-

ter’s orbit on July 4th after a five year journey. This year also saw a historic decision to re-

place Andrew Jackson with abolitionist leader Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill. This will be the

first time a woman of color has been represented on our nation’s paper currency.

In international and global news, the child mortality rate has dropped by 50% from 1990, a

testament to advances in clean water, healthcare, and famine initiatives. Volunteers in In-

dia broke a world record by planting an astonishing 50 million trees in 24 hours, and Ireland

announced that it will begin planting what they hope to be the largest redwood forest out-

side of the US. Finally, the people of Jordan continued to show the world what it truly means

to “love thy neighbor”. During the five years of civil war in Syria, millions of people have fled

the country, and Jordan has led the world in taking in these refugees of war. Jordan, a

country roughly the size of Illinois, has taken in over 2.9 million refugees. While their infrastruc-

ture is pushed to the limits to support this increase in population, Jordan has not closed its

borders.

2016 was also a year of incredible scientific breakthrough. This year saw the first solar pow-

ered flight around the world, the creation of new lenses which allowed color-blind brothers

to see colors for the first time, and incredible advances in robotic limbs and paralysis re-

search. While there will always be negatives surrounding us, there will always be positives as

well. I wish everyone a very happy holiday season, and hope that we may all take time to

celebrate the great things that have happened in the world this year.

Suzie Kemper

Executive Director

Reaching Out From Within

4

November 2016 Group Updates

Topeka Minimum - Topeka Minimum group

welcomes new warden.

The ROFW Compound group at the Topeka

Correctional Facility would like to welcome group

our new warden, Shannon Meyer; we’d also like to

thank our previous sponsor, Andrea Ballhagen, who

recently left the facility for a statewide position.

We are excited about the prospects of sponsoring

a fall fundraiser so that we may adopt a family this

Christmas through the United Way.

We’ve spent a lot of time on the spirituality chapter.

Group members have a lot of different views,

which has been educational for us. It’s also raised

the question: What is spirituality doing for you now?

Here are some recent positive messages shared

with the group:

Heal the past, live in the present, dream the

future.

For every path you go down, there are choices

that will be up to you.

Finally, we would like to share this statement from

Bethany G. “I am on my way out after being part of

this group for two years. I have learned so much

from the material and from these strong and

courageous women to whom I’ve grown close. I

encourage all members to open up and get the

most of this time and experience.”

Hutchinson South Unit - Finding My Real Self

While working in the Unit on Self in group I went to

the Library in search of some psychology books to

help me understand ME. I found two books I would recommend to anyone who is

confused about who they are: Understanding Men’s Passages by Gail Sheehy; and The

Female Brain by Dr. Louann Brizendine. While reading Mrs. Sheehy’s book I had an

epiphany as a result of looking back at my past actions. I really didn’t like what I had seen,

and in my opinion actions define who you are.

Before this epiphany I had defined myself as a loving father and husband, smart, and a

good friend; however, when I began to take a serious look, I realized that I love my kids

Reaching out, where to begin

By Nina S.

I’m reaching out

I’ve always wanted to be this way

I’m reaching out

Because I’m so different today

I’m reaching out with nothing to hide

Can you believe

I’m reaching out from the inside?

I’ve come so far

From all the hurt and pain

I’ve got so much to give

Because of everything I’ve gained

I’m reaching out beyond

Anything I’ve ever known

I’m reaching out

I’m so proud of how I’ve grown

If you need me

I’m right here

Don’t worry, I’ve been there

There’s nothing to fear

Together we can learn

To live and love again

As long as we keep reaching out

We will always win

If you’re wondering how to start

Or where you can begin

Just meet me here at

Reaching Out From Within.

5

November 2016 Group Updates

but I didn’t tell them as often as I should

have. I realized that I used my intelligence for

the wrong reasons and wrong things, hence

I’m serving my third prison term. I realized that

a good friend doesn’t sell dope to someone

he calls friend. I realized that I loved my wife,

but I neglected her as well as my kids.

So how can I possibly define myself now?

A loving father, because I tell my kids I love

them every chance I get. A recovering

addict, because I’ve learned its past time to

put childish things away. An adult, because

I’m growing through this wonderful self-help

group and learning about the changes I’m

going through. A man, because I’m learning

what is expected of me, not just by society,

but by the ones I love. I’ve still have a way to

go yet, but most of all, I have to learn how to

be a son again. The connection I need to

heal most is the one between me and my

dad.

So, I’m beginning to like my new self. The

books along with the Blue Book have helped

me so much! I hope that those that have

been in the group for years, all the way to a

man just starting out, will benefit as much as I

have. I DESERVE TO LOVE MYSELF AGAIN! By

forgiving myself and laying myself out to my

higher power I have made the first steps in a

long journey. I hope anyone taking the time

to read or listen to this, if they have not

already done, so will start down the path to

finally being able to do what I haven’t been

able to do in years, and that is love yourself.

Lee M. - R.O.F.W. Member

Here at the HCF South Unit, We the

members of ROFW put together ten sporting

events for the general population over the

2016 Labor Day weekend. There was a lot of

participation and everyone at the South Unit

received a pop and bag of chips courtesy of

the members of ROFW. We intend to

continue these events for future holidays in

order TO GET MORE INMATES TO PARTICIPATE

IN THESE POSITIVE ACTIVITIES. As far as our

work in the group, we have been working on

Unit 8 of the Blue Book dealing with Self with

the help of our volunteer Allison.

S. Neal

WINFIELD CORRECTIONAL FACILITY - I can't

believe that yet another year has almost

come and gone. Before you know it we will

be holding our annual Holiday Banquet. We

board members are so happy to see all the

new faces at the meetings each week and

want to thank you for your attendance and

participation. We also hope that the

information you are receiving in the meetings

is helpful, for not just you in your personal life,

but also benefiting those around you. Lastly,

we all encourage everyone to keep striving

for what you want out of life, and if you ever

have any questions please approach any

board member in search of a solution, and

know that our group is always open to your

suggestions as well.

In closing this year out with this November

issue of "Inside & Out" I wanted to take a

minute of your time for you to ponder an

important issue that concerns everyone:

"TOLERANCE"

It has been established by norms of our

society that tolerance is based on an

understanding in which compassion,

empathy, humility, and other values are the

moral principles for an individual's behavior.

The "Live & Let Live" idea. Tolerance is the key

suitable for an overcrowded, and over

populated planet. We have no doubt that

6

November 2016 Group Updates

controversial differences in society exists, but

we cannot say that social differences lead to

tolerance. Tolerance is a moral obligation,

and relies loosely in the idea that people

primarily want to be loved, understood, and

cared for. Our society generally believes that

tolerance requires one to put up with

objectionable speech, acts, and wants of

their neighbors as long as they are not

threatening or invading to their own space.

We must remember that individuals have the

right to believe as they choose, and the right

to pursue their own conception of what is

good for themselves.

Our society deals with tolerance as

indifference towards one another, and we

always wrongfully conclude that if an

individual truly appreciates a difference, then

he/she cannot be considered to be tolerant.

We must understand the basics of tolerance

before we can say we could act as such.

Tolerance is the virtue of refraining from

exercising one's power with regard to others'

opinions or actions, even though it deviates

from one's own beliefs. Our society is

composed of autonomous individuals with

separate desires, thoughts, and interests

which are the product of a cultural,

individualistic movement, a bad recipe that

generally exists in a state of conflict. But, who

can say who is right? We know we are a

society with different backgrounds, different

upbringings, different beliefs, and in no way

shape, nor form could we set the "One

standard" that our society must follow.

Individuals must be allowed to think for

themselves, and practice their own beliefs,

and disapproval thereof only means difficulty

of others in exercising self-restraint. The more

intolerable the behavior, the less likely the

tolerator will be able to exercise restraint. The

irony is, that society requires that the

tolerating person approves of the beliefs of

conduct of another in order for that

tolerating person, in fact, to be deemed

tolerant. Tolerance is not just a function of an

individual's right to autonomy, but a function

of the individual's right to be treated fairly

and equally. First we must understand, and

not confuse, that tolerance is not

acceptance. Tolerance requires that we

respect the rights of other people to express

their views, which he/she may freely use. It is

very common that tolerant people overcome

the drive to interfere in the lives of others, not

because they believe that restraint is better

than disapproval, but because they believe

that it is morally correct to tolerate.

Personally, I always believed that

compassion, based in understanding shall be

an integral component of tolerance,

because true compassion is the ability to

experience the hardship of others. At the

same time, we have to realize that the

actions of others decisions is designed to

promote that individual's ability to make

decisions concerning his/her own private

matters and we must have respect for others

in their decisions, in addition, and most

importantly, we all must recognize that

others, by their own actions, may just have

something to teach us.

Until we meet up again next year my

friends, Take good care of yourselves and

have a wonderful Holiday season, and

openly except the challenge to your own

thinking processes and try harder to be a little

more tolerant in accepting of others. I bid

you farewell.

Sincerely, Mark F. - Newsletter Editor & The

Men of Winfield's ROFW

7

November 2016 Group Updates

Topeka Correctional Facility Minimum -

Everyone goes through hell, but not

everyone stays there. Stop tormenting

yourself by reliving the pain over and over.

Good people go through terrible things, but

wise people know when and how to let it

go.

The 3 C’s of Life:

Choices

Chances

Changes

You must make a choice to take a

chance or your life will never change.

Ashley H.

I have been a member of ROFW for a

month now. I am doing a 5 year sentence.

Before I started this group, I didn’t know if I

was going to be able to do this time but

with the help of God, ROFW members, and

my family, I know I can get through this. It’s

just a hurdle we can get over in time.

I have been locked up for a little over a

year now. It’s been hard. I left behind kids,

grandbabies and family who love me.

There are times I feel lonely and forgotten,

but then I get messages like:

“You tell us all the time to be strong so

therefore you have to be strong and not

cry.” My 23 year old daughter wrote that.

“I’m not giving up on you. I am there

from now to the day you get out. You are

more than my mom. You’re my best friend

and I can’t wait to have my best friend

back.” My 19 year old daughter wrote that.

“I enjoy seeing you but it’s getting harder

and harder to leave you there. I just want to

put you in my pocket and bring you home.”

My mommy wrote that.

“You don’t have to be sorry for nothing.

U raised me for 21 years. It’s my turn to be

able to help you. You never turned your

back on me. I’m not going to turn my back

on you.” My 21 year old son.

“It is not going away so let’s just give

ourselves a reason to wake up and move

forward every day.” My sister.

It’s been hard on my family. I was almost

disowned by my mom and one of my sons

hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 years, but I

know God has and will work things out for

me.

“ You just have to be patient and just

You know the flat that is the red, white, and

blue and also stands for liberty?

The red: Though there has been for some of

us bloodshed and pain,

The white: Though we lost our purity very

young,

The blue: Though we’ve been bruised and

wounded,

Yet, through ROFW we are growing, we are

healing, we are understanding, we are

changing and causing things to change to

lead us to liberty.

Keep forging forward, don’t quit, don’t give

up, you are overcoming, and you are victori-

ous in your life, you are becoming a thermo-

stat (setting the tone) NOT a thermometer

(going with the flow) wherever you are.

Decide now to have a great year in 2017 no

matter where you are!

From your fellow

member,

Patricia L

8

November 2016 Group Updates

listen.” My daughter-in-law wrote this to me and I read it every

single day.

Smile, it’s the best way to get thru it!! And really that’s true. We

can let this place bring us down or we can smile and better

ourselves. So just smile and you will be able to get thru it.

Stephanie H.

This letter has been long overdue. Presently, I have been a

member of ROFW for several years. The very first meeting I

attended was raw, real, and relevant. For approximately 14

years I managed to remain “silent” and “closed off” about the

child abuse and molestation which my daughter experienced

as a baby and a young child. At least, I thought this was the

right way to protect her. I was about to be proven wrong. Little

did I know that after listening to others speak about their

personal experience of abuse that it would literaly make it

impossible for me to remain “silent” any longer. Very quickly it

felt like I was going to “burst” inside after only two meetings.

The next thing I remember was talking to two ROFW Board

members. After that, it was an icebreaker for me, then

speaking engagements, etc. Now, when speaking about the

child abuse that my daughter experienced, the pain is

bearable. Never would have I believed such was possible.

The skills and material contained in our blue book, along with

special speakers and shared personal experiences are

invaluable to me. SuEllen Fried, Dave Ranney, Sky Westerlund,

Joan Shultz and all the volunteers at I/J and central unit ROFW

groups are not your average citizen or human being. They will

never know the impact they have has in my life and heart, as

well as many, many other lives.

For me, the support, the skills and the healing which I have

gained from ROFW are immeasurable. Being a member of

ROFW keeps me grounded in a special way. Thank you for your

compassion and kindness which you have freely extended to

this group unselfishly.

Dana F.

LCF Minimum - Howdy brothers and sisters of ROFW. My name is

Earl. This article is to tell you all that we at LCF East just finished

Unit 9, Spirituality. I served as facilitator for this unit. I just have

to say that I was amazed by the participation of the members.

The Cross

By Nina S.

Thank you Lord

In my heart, you’re the

lion

The conscience in my

mind

You heal my spirit

When I am tired

You are my fight

The reason I try

Ask me why

I’ll testify

I’m glorified

Walked for miles

All the tribulations

And the trials

My tired head hung

But still I smiled

I heard a voice

That said I was gifted

It promised I was blessed

The weight of the world

Was lifted

I cried

And they listened

I rise every time

I mention

The Holy Cross

Where I was forgiven

9

November 2016 Group Updates

It took us 8 weeks (we meet for 2 hours each Wednesday evening) to get through the first

3 sessions because we talked in depth about each idea. With it taking so long, I went to

our chairman and asked for a break at the end of the third session. We took a one month

break, diverting our attention to other topics, before finishing the last 3 sessions of Unit 9 in

just 3 weeks.

It was a great experience because everyone came with an open mind. I recommend

this unit to every group. When you do this unit, please don't forget to keep an open mind.

Don't let your personal beliefs get in your way. Listen to the other perspectives.

Earl C.

ROFW board members, volunteers, and alumni met for our annual

picnic in Wyandotte County Park last month.

10

November 2016

Charlie Hart

I first met Charlie in the medium at the Lansing Correctional Facility over five years ago.

He was doing an ice breaker after coming back to the group. When he did his ice breaker

I thought of how similar our stories were. Honestly his story is similar to a lot of people that I

meet on the inside. He had committed a serious crime when he was a teenager and

received a life sentence for it. From that day I decided that I wanted to do what I could to

help. I started mentoring Charlie and eventually he made his way to minimum custody

and a downtown job at Zephyr.

Charlie followed a

blueprint for success. He

stayed DR free for the

majority of his time, he

worked at Impact for over

ten years, he had a mentor,

and he later worked at

another minimum wage

downtown job a year

before he was released. We

expect great things from

him and we wish him well.

But we know that he is

leaving prison with more

than wishes. Charlie worked

hard to prepare himself for

success upon release. Today

Charlie left prison after

doing over twenty years.

What are you doing

right now to be successful

when you are released?

Jason D. Miles

ROFW Board President