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Raising Boysto be Great Men
Raising Boysto be Great Men
Peter Janetzki - Counsellor/EducatorM.Soc.Sc.(Counselling) and once a boy
Peter Janetzki - Counsellor/EducatorM.Soc.Sc.(Counselling) and once a boy
A Bit About Me
10 Parenting Tips for Raising Boys to be Great Men
Some Closing Thoughts
Books
Tonight’s OutlineTonight’s Outline
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Year 5 & First Love
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The Love of My Life
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Parenting Tip #1Parenting Tip #1
Boys are NOT the same as Girls!
Gloria SteinemGloria Steinem
“We need to raise boys like we raise girls”
Men, Women and the Sex Difference (1995)
“We need to raise boys like we raise girls”
Men, Women and the Sex Difference (1995)
Pre-Feminism – Sex Role TheoryPre-Feminism – Sex Role Theory
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Early-Feminism
Different BUT EqualEarly-Feminism
Different BUT Equal
Gender Feminism – Social ConstructivismGender Feminism – Social Constructivism
Equal Means SameEqual Means Same
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Neurobiology Discoveries – Hard ScienceNeurobiology Discoveries – Hard Science
“Our parental instinct at theplayground is now validated by scientific findings regarding fundamental differences in male and female hardwiring, biochemistry, neurological development, and anatomy of boys’ and girls’ brains.”
Michael Gurian & Kathy Stevens, ‘The Minds of Boys’,(2005, p.41)
“Our parental instinct at theplayground is now validated by scientific findings regarding fundamental differences in male and female hardwiring, biochemistry, neurological development, and anatomy of boys’ and girls’ brains.”
Michael Gurian & Kathy Stevens, ‘The Minds of Boys’,(2005, p.41)
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Parenting Tip #2Parenting Tip #2A Boys BRAIN is DIFFERENT to a
Girls brain!
Boys can eat and walk at the same time, but they appear incapable of doing much else or of doing anything at all speed.
Celia Lashlie 2005
There are at least 100 differences in male and female brains.
Nancy Forger University of Massachusetts, Sex in the Brain: Research Showing Men and Women Differ in More Than One Area.
There are at least 100 differences in male and female brains.
Nancy Forger University of Massachusetts, Sex in the Brain: Research Showing Men and Women Differ in More Than One Area.
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A girl’s corpus callosum (connections between L & R sides of brain) is up to 25%
bigger than in boy’s brains.
A girl’s corpus callosum (connections between L & R sides of brain) is up to 25%
bigger than in boy’s brains.
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Parenting Tip #3Parenting Tip #3Boys are Action Orientated
The Boys from JackassThe Boys from Jackass
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Boys have more dopamine in their bloodstream (impulse/risk behaviour), they process more blood flow in the cerebellum (doing/physical action) hence why boys generally learn less well when sitting still.
Boys have more dopamine in their bloodstream (impulse/risk behaviour), they process more blood flow in the cerebellum (doing/physical action) hence why boys generally learn less well when sitting still.
Parenting Tip #4Parenting Tip #4words, Words, WORDS!!!!
Boys Express Emotions Through Movement
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Parenting Tip #5Parenting Tip #53 Key Phrases
1. NO!
2. NO! Now Go Away!
3. ARH HA …That’s
Interesting?
Parenting Tip #6Parenting Tip #6Manhood is NOT a
Natural Biological Progression
“The world produces
many boys but it raises
few men!”John Eldredge (2001)
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David. D. Gilmore (1990)’ p11 ‘ Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity
… a constantly recurring notion
that real manhood is different
from simple anatomical
maleness, that it is not a natural condition that comes
about spontaneously through
biological maturation but rather is a
precarious or artificial state that boys must
win against powerful odds.
Boys are wired
to be Warriors
and need
opportunities to
conquer ‘things’
Maggie Dent 2010
Boys are wired
to be Warriors
and need
opportunities to
conquer ‘things’
Maggie Dent 2010
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Parenting TipParenting Tip
Connect Choices
With Consequences
Parenting Tip #7Parenting Tip #7There are 4 Archetypes of Masculinity.
I. Peter Pan Bloke
II. Modern Day Eunuch
III. Arrogant Bloke
IV. Potent Bloke – Real Deal
I. Peter Pan Bloke
II. Modern Day Eunuch
III. Arrogant Bloke
IV. Potent Bloke – Real Deal
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Strength
Action
Character
Strength
Action
Character
ArchetypesArchetypes
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Fearful ManFearful Man
Peter Pan BlokePeter Pan Bloke
No StrengthNo Strength
Passive ManPassive Man
Modern Day EunuchModern Day Eunuch
Impotent blokeImpotent bloke
No ActionNo Action
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Arrogant BlokeArrogant Bloke
The Narcissistic TypeThe Narcissistic Type
No Character
No Character
Strong, Active &Self-Controlled Masculinity
Strong, Active &Self-Controlled Masculinity
Potent BlokePotent Bloke
Strength in Action with Character
Strength in Action with Character
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An Australian ArchetypeAn Australian Archetype
Hall of MemorySouth Window - personal qualities
Resource, Candour, Devotion (a nurse), Curiosity, Independence
West Window - social qualities
Comradeship, Ancestry, Patriotism, Chivalry, Loyalty
East Window - fighting qualities
Coolness, Control (of self and others), Audacity, Endurance, Decision
Which healthy males do
you look up to – why?
Which healthy males do
you look up to – why?
Strength in action with characterStrength in action with character
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Australia's Leonardo Di Vinciself taught inventor, writer and religious minister
Australia's Leonardo Di Vinciself taught inventor, writer and religious minister
David Unaipon1872 - 1967
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Barassi bashed after coming to woman's rescue
Barassi bashed after coming to woman's rescue
abc news - 02/01 /2009
Parenting Tip #8Parenting Tip #8Getting from Boyhood to Manhood
Involves a Rites of Passage Conducted by a Community of Men
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Our Indigenous PeoplesOur Indigenous PeoplesStrength in action with characterStrength in action with character
Dolomites (Italy)Source: SBS
Dolomites (Italy)Source: SBS
Strength in action with characterStrength in action with character
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“It takes a village to raise a child”African proverb
“It takes a village to raise a child”African proverb
Strength in action with characterStrength in action with character5 Key Factors of Authentic Rites of Passage5 Key Factors of Authentic Rites of Passage
5. Contain specific culturally relevant markers.
5. Contain specific culturally relevant markers.
1. Conducted by the community of men. 1. Conducted by the community of men.
2. Involve challenge, struggle and pain. 2. Involve challenge, struggle and pain.
3. Bring a change in relationship, especially between mother and son.
3. Bring a change in relationship, especially between mother and son.
4. Bestow adult expectations, responsibilities and rights.
4. Bestow adult expectations, responsibilities and rights.
Parenting Tip #9Parenting Tip #9Boys must be taught to embrace their
power (rather than prove their power) and use it for the good of the community
Women cannot give a boy his sense of masculinity however she can arouse it, &
take it away – emasculate him
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The Bridge of AdolescenceCelia Lashlie (2005)
The Bridge of AdolescenceCelia Lashlie (2005)
11 & 1211 & 1213 to 1513 to 15
15 & 1615 & 1617 & 1817 & 18Mum’s Letting Go
Making Friends
Joining the Community of Men
Electric Fence
The Jolt
Electric Fence
Humming
Turning the Electric Fence
Down
Parenting Tip #10Parenting Tip #10Manage the Battles for Strength
Absent Fathers
TV & Screen Time
Bubble Wrap
Alcohol & Drugs
Pornography
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Boys without fathers not only
experience more physical and sexual abuse,
more mental disease, and more emotional distress
than other children…
Boys without fathers not only
experience more physical and sexual abuse,
more mental disease, and more emotional distress
than other children…
…but also receive lower grades,
drop out of school at higher rates,
act out in school with more frequency, end up in juvenile
courts in higher numbers, and report low self-esteem and low educational
expectations.
…but also receive lower grades,
drop out of school at higher rates,
act out in school with more frequency, end up in juvenile
courts in higher numbers, and report low self-esteem and low educational
expectations. David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America. 1996.David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America. 1996.
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By age 16, your son will have seen 200 000 acts of violence on TV, 33 000 of them murders.
By age 16, your son will have seen 200 000 acts of violence on TV, 33 000 of them murders.
April 2004 issues of Paediatrics Dr Christakis presented research that followed 2600 children from birth to age 7 and discovered that,
April 2004 issues of Paediatrics Dr Christakis presented research that followed 2600 children from birth to age 7 and discovered that,
“for every hour of TV watched per day, the incidence of ADD and ADHD increased by 10%.
“for every hour of TV watched per day, the incidence of ADD and ADHD increased by 10%.
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Engage them
(& with them)
in activity,
challenge,
movement and
risk
less resilient and self-reliant
ill-prepared to cope with life
weaker social and problem-solving skills
unable to make independent decisions
lack of adventure and appropriate risk
increased obesity and mental illness
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Sunda
y M
ail
-9
Oct
201
1, p
age
7
In the past 3 years, more than 450 child
pornography charges have been laid against ….
10-17 yr olds
Some Closing ThoughtsSome Closing ThoughtsPassivity is the antithesis of masculinity not femininity
Boys learn about masculinity from men
Boys need affirmation and nurturing from both their mother & father
Dad’s step up onto the bridge and take the lead
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Some Closing ThoughtsSome Closing ThoughtsMum’s learn to know when to let go
Single Mum’s open door ways for male connection
Clear age appropriate boundaries that are enforced
Love & accept them for who they are in spite of what they do
If you perceive problems get help early
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