The healthcare industry is rife with irony. Oh, it’s got a sense of humor; just be prepared to be the butt of the joke.Here’s a good one: A patient in need of a liver transplant is told by his surgeon that he had lost too much weight to undergo such a rigorous procedure, that the patient looks like he could fall down at any minute, and that it was so serious that he would have to spend some time in a hospital receiving intravenous nutrition (total parenteral nutrition, or TPN), which would get him back to a manageable weight. The patient agrees and goes to the hospital, only to get the bait and switch. Instead of TPN, he gets put on a liquid diet, followed by fasting so he could undergo a colonoscopy (his fifth one in almost as many years). So not only did he not get the extra calories he needed; he got even fewer than normal — and the comfort of knowing there’s a nice big hospital bill on the way.

Funny-ha-ha, right? The joke’s not over yet.

The hospital doctor calls the patient a week later and tells him the colonoscopy results reveal that the patient’s colon needs to be removed due to numerous “pre-cancerous” polyps. The doctor says he needs to confer with some other doctors before any more information is known. Talk about dropping a bombshell.

Finally, four days later, the patient gets some good news. The doctor says it’s possible to do both surgeries during the same hospital stay. Things are looking up. Not only that, but the patient will be getting TPN at home to get in shape for surgery. And he’ll be able to receive it at home — no more hospital stays until T-Day!

The patient then receives a call from his local doctor’s office, which is arranging to have a home healthcare service handle the TPN. He is told that the insurance company authorized everything, and he just needs to go to an outpatient center to have a PICC line (catheter) for the IV installed in his arm; a nurse would come by the following day with the TPN. He gets the PICC line installed and is at home waiting for the nurse. The nurse calls and says she’ll call back to let him know when she’s coming. A second nurse calls and says she’ll call back. A “nurse coordinator” calls... yada, yada. They all leave him hanging. Then the pharmacy that has the TPN calls and tells him his insurance company won’t cover home infusion. “But my doctor’s office already had this authorized.”“Sorry.”“What do I do?”“Not my problem.”

OK, so she didn’t say that, but that’s what this conversation and the six or so others I had that night — yes, I’m the patient — amounted to. They were washing their hands of this problem and leaving me to solve it. Because, you know, I understand jack shit about home health infusion and can easily get in touch with anyone on a Friday night.

Though my gastroenterologist was out of town, I emailed her, and she replied within a half-hour, saying I should just go to the ER the next morning. So much for home service.

I went to JFK Medical Center, and while the staff was great, the entire first day there was frustrating as hell because I didn’t know what was going on — and I still wasn’t getting the TPN. But because I threw myself at the feet of the healthcare industry, I became a problem that had to be solved. I started TPN the following evening, and on Monday morning, straightened out my insurance company and now receive TPN at home.

Of course, the last laugh will once again be on me, the butt of the joke, when this hospital bill arrives. I always knew I’d be in for some financial strain because of the liver transplant, but since I’ve had these two unforeseen hospital visits — and now need a colectomy, which will require at least two surgeries — I think the only thing I can do at this point is to laugh along with the joke. Because when I get the bill for all of this, I’m going to have myself a good cry.

In the meantime, my good friend Devon Nelson set up a Billy Boloby Benefit at Little Munich with Cop City, Nervous Attachments, The Jameses and New Coke. He also created a fundraising page at GiveForward.com (under “Jason Budjinski”). I’ve got a huge ordeal ahead of me, but this gives me some much-needed motivation to stay strong. Of course, TPN helps, too. ~Jason Budjinski

Health ‘Care’ Jokes

We’ve all had those days when you walk over to the closet, that one colorful shirt speaks to you, and you know today you are feeling adventurous- today you are going to feel happy!

Melissa Brouard is behind the newly-launched Etsy shop, Mood Ring Boutique, and brings that unique everyday-feeling to your closet.

She always knew she wanted to open an online store but it was costume design where she got her initial start in fashion. Her extensive costume design skills, acquired from years of working with entertainment companies, give Mood Ring that special flair and custom “upcycled” edge.Just like a mood ring- a novelty ring that changes colors in response to the wearer’s spirit- the name Mood Ring Boutique came about from Melissa’s “all-over-the-place” style. Like an ever changing fashion chameleon, “Versatility,” she states, “is the inspiration and you don’t have to be confined to one style.”

You will find vintage pieces that range from 80’s blouses, belts and shirts, to one-of-a-kind 90’s floral dresses at her shop on etsy.com/shop/moodringboutique and at Flash Studios Miami.

Get to know Moodring Boutique’s Melissa in the Doll Quiz…

Hobbies & Interests: Running, designing, crafting, thrifting, movies, playing tourist, beach, and hanging out at various cafes with friends.

One item in your wardrobe you can’t live without: Sunglasses and oversized tops. I’m always running late for things. Oversized tops are quick and easy to change into, and allow me to dress up or dress down. I’m all about versatility.

Top five artists/songs on your iPod: I never get tired of The Black Angels, Washed Out. I love classic rock (The Runaways are a guilty pleasure), 90’s hip hop, electronica, and I absolutely love James Brown and R&B artists from the 50’s-70’s. I recently discovered The Kukumbas, and I’m a fan of a Miami Group called Poko Loco. I would kill to go through Quentin Tarantino’s music library.

Sorry, that’s more than five.

For more Dopedoll Fashion Chronicles and an exclusive Focus Media ‘Behind The Scene’s Mood Ring Boutique video by Sam Cavero go toTropicult.com!

~Vanessa Haim Photography: Danny Delgado for Tropicult’s Dopedoll Fashion Chronicles http://TROPICULT.com

Mood Ring Boutique

CAVES IN TO RIGHT WING HYSTERIA

Bad enough that FAU last February decided to sell naming rights to its football stadium to the world’s largest private prison company, the GEO Group. (And thank you to the protestors who got the deal cancelled.) Worse, in many ways, is how the school in March dealt with the uproar over a class exercise that liars and fools distorted and moaned about all over the planet, crying religious discrimination -- when the point of the exercise was to teach the power of religious symbols.

What happened in the class is this: Dr. Deandre Poole (a devout Christian, using a textbook written by a scholar from a Catholic college) had students in his class write the word “Jesus” on pieces of paper. He asked them to put the pieces of paper on the floor and step on them. (The students were free to refuse.) Then they discussed the word’s power to influence their feelings. According to Dr. Poole, one student got upset and after class, threatened him, saying he wanted to hit him. Poole filed a report with campus cops. The school told the student to not attend the class while the incident was under investigation. The student went to local television and said he was suspended for speaking out rather than “having my religious rights desecrated.” FOXnews and others blew the story up. A right wing Christian legal organization from Texas bullied the school. The school issued an apology and said they’d never do anything again to cause anyone to think offend anyone (which only fueled the flames). Hate mail against the instructor followed, including death threats [cuz that’s what Jesus woulda done-ed.]. He’s been in hiding ever since, in fear for his life. The spirit of inquiry at a public university? Fuhgeddaboutit. FAU’s administration should have stood up for the professor and defended the principle of academic freedom. Instead the cowardly hypocrites crapped their pants and bowed down to a mob. Like the local joke goes: Find Another University. ~ Karlo M

FAU Strikes Again

Sunday, May 12 Chris Murray, Good Shepard, DJ Skidmark @ 5 Points LoungeJahfe, Lance-O, JLouie Rockaz, Realmarsha, Shyne J @ JazidMonday, May 13 Spred the Dub @ Longboard’sRhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’sMiami Jazz Jam @ Churchill’s PubWednesday, May 15Heavy Pets Light @ Dada‘Bikes: Check ‘em out!’; Free Live Art/Craft Bazaar @ Respectable StreetThursday, May 16Men: A Documentary @ Coastars Coffee Bar

BBAD Presents Open Mic @ ActivistArtistA GalleryHeavy Pets Side Project: The Sugar Dicks @ Funky BuddhaFriday, May 17Raphael @ The Fillmore Miami BeachRocky Horror Picture Show @ Respectable StreetLuna Rex @ DadaThe Heavy Pets @ Will CallPremium Buzz, S.L.A.P @ Swampgrass WillysSlip & the Spinouts @ Poor HouseGothic Masquerade Ball @ Undergrounds CoffeehausJon Zeeman Band, David Shelley & Bluestone @ Bamboo RoomRundowntown @ Funky BuddhaSaturday, May 18Astari Nite, Astrea Corp, Pretty Girls @ Respectable StreetThird Day @ Cruzan Amp

SUBMIT YOUR SHOWS EACH MONTH BY THE 10TH May 1-5SunFest: Smashing Pumpkins, Cheap Trick, Jimmy Cliff, Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, Less than Jake, Roadkill Ghost Choir and more @ Dntn WPBWednesday, May 1Industrial Grade Wednesday @ Respectable StreetHeavy Pets Light @ DadaThursday, May 2Gravel Kings @ Respectable StreetSuicidal Tendencies, Sick of it All, Waking the Dead @ Grand CentralOpeth, Katatonia @ Culture Room The Magic Beans, Lucky Costello, David Jacobson Band @ Funky BiscuitFriday, May 3Of Montreal, Wild Moccasins @ Grand Central Rachel Andes Band @ DadaFelicia Rose, South Side Dub @ Swampgrass WillysThe Duppies @ 5 Points LoungeBetween Bluffs @ The Funky Buddha LoungeSaturday, May 4Kris Delgado Art Opening @ Coastars Coffee BarProject X, Luxury of Company, Luna Rex @ Longbouard’s A Day To Remember @ The Fillmore Miami BeachThe Hard Richards @ DadaBoregore @ Revolution Live Skanko De Mayo: Ghetto Blaster, The Sheffield Crew, Control This!, Surfer Pig, Raskylz, Stop the Presses, Riot Agents, DJ Los Hated, Rudeboi Shuffle, Askultura @ Churchill’s Pub1 Hit Left, Operative me, Adage @ Swampgrass WillysStrangecookie @ Undergrounds CoffeehausBrownbird Rudy Relic, Los Bastardos Magnificos @ 5 Points LoungeSunday, May 5iCinco de Mayo Rabia! Greenhouse Lounge, BioDeisel, Space Jesus @ Funky BiscuitJahfe, Lance-O, Jahstream, Alesouljah @ JazidCinco de Massiv: Nadastrom, Sabo, Craze @ Grand CentralMonday, May 6 Spred the Dub @ Longboard’sRhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’sMiami Jazz Jam @ Churchill’s PubTuesday, May 7The Joy Formidable, IO Echo @ Culture RoomPoetry Slam @ Dada Wednesday, May 8Alkaline Trio, Bayside @ Revolution LiveOrgone, Fusik @ Funky BiscuitDubble James, S.P.O.R.E. @ Respectable StreetHeavy Pets Light @ DadaThursday, May 9CLVB DRVGS @ Coastars Coffee BarThe Dada Craft Bazaar @ DadaCouthie Chops, Skillz Medina, Jony Van Doren @ American Rock BarFriday, May 10Eagle Chief (Arboles Libres), The Tremends, Deaf Poets, Copan @ Churchill’s PubClutch, The Sword, Lionize @ Revolution LiveFear Factory, Hate Eternal, Kobra & the Lotus @ Culture RoomMike Dillon Band, Ketchy Shuby @ Funky BiscuitImagine Dragons @ Sunset Cove AmpJohnny Buscemi, Mandy Moon, Fireside Prophets @ Swampgrass WillysLos Bastardos Magnificos @ Poor HouseAna Popovic @ Bamboo RoomThe High Chiefs, Orange Juice Band @ Funky BuddhaSaturday, May 11Blackfinger CD Release @ Bamboo Room21 Reasons @ Coastars Coffee BarRebel, Retrocities, Article 47 @ Respectable StreetComedy Fest @ Funky BuddhaFred Falke, Aramis Lorie, Ray Milian @ The GarretBird Bash 1.5: Deaf Poets, Eagle Chief, Contra, Sharpsound Louie Arson, Haitian Hillbilly, Yancy @ Blackbird OrdinaryCollie Buddz @ Culture Room Goat Whore @ Churchill’s PubSkinny Jimmy & the Stingrays @ DadaBack to the 80’s @ Swampgrass WillysJuke @ Poor HouseMothers Day Craft Show @ Undergrounds Coffeehaus

Beach Day @ Dada Baauer @ Grand CentralThe People Upstairs @ Old School SquareLowdown 13 @ Swampgrass WillysPeewees Burlesque Adventure: Reckless Dames @ 5 Points LoungeAlbert Castiglia @ Bamboo RoomDirty Bourbon River Show @ Funky BuddhaSunday, May 19Gold Dust Lounge @ The StandardJahfe, Esther Fortune, Jovi Rockwell, Prince Patrick, Natty Remo, Bizerk, Beky Glacier, Red Lyte, Lance-O, Croy @ Jazid Ft.Lauderdale Electronic Music & Animation festival “Altered Fest”: Untamed, Weho, Kill this City, Dirty District,

Sun Fkt, Murjur, This is the Black Machine, DJ Oski, Mister Cribb, Johanna Martinez, Chelsea Colon, Ishaemedia @ Da Big KahunaAttack Attack! @ Culture RoomMonday May 20 Spred the Dub @ Longboard’sRhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’sMiami Jazz Jam @ Churchill’s PubTuesday, May 21Quincy Mumford @ Funky BuddhaWednesday, May 22Heavy Pets Light @ DadaI Heart the 80’s Music Video Dance Party @ Respectable StreetPlan B, Tom Tom Fundraiser @ Churchill’s PubFriday, May 24Los Bastardos Magnificos @ Dada

The Mobile Homies, The Curve, The Bastard Suns @ Swampgrass WillysThe Resolvers @ BJ’s On The BeachKelly Richey Band: Freekbass & Jun Yates @ Bamboo RoomThe Super Fuzz, Mylo Ranger, Pretty Girls @ Funky BuddhaSaturday, May 25MARCH AGAINST MONSANTO @ Everywhere Astrea Corporation @ DadaOpen Story Slam, Plush Lounge @ Coastars Coffee BarElectric Decadence @ O’Malley’s BarCounty Line Road @ Swampgrass WillysHaunted Promo @ Undergrounds CoffeehausA Tribute to Bob Dylan: Rod MacDonald’s Big Brass Bed & Reflections @ Bamboo RoomThe Hip Abduction @ Funky BuddhaYngwie Malmsteen @ Grand CentralSunday May 26 7th Ever Cheesy 80’s Prom @ Respectable StreetRas Kokay & Rythmadix, Lance-O, Walshy Fire Balck Chiney, Exit Sound @ JazidMonday May 27 Spred the Dub @ Longboard’sRhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’sSevendust @ Culture RoomMiami Jazz Jam @ Churchill’s PubTuesday, May 28Ironic/Iconic: A Pop Culture Expo @ Howley’sWednesday, May 29Face To Face @ Revolution LiveHeavy Pets Light @ DadaThursday, May 30Dada Drinking Spelling Bee @ DadaLove of Lyrics Poetry Slam @ Coastars Coffee BarFriday, May 31Sea Rat, The Weird, Speaking Volumes @ Swampgrass WillysJP Soars & the Red Hots, Josh Smith @ Bamboo RoomScott Marischen’s Jazz Quartet COTT @ Funky BuddhaNunhex, Devalued, Holly Hunt, Shit Luck @ Churchill’s PubSaturday, June 1King Django, Askultura @ Churchill’s PubAcross the Universe: A Tribute to the Beatles @ Bamboo RoomSunday, June 2 Jahfe, Lance-O, Jahstream, Rudeboy Craig @ JazidMonday, June 3 Spred the Dub @ Longboard’sRhythmnation, Lance-O @ Boston’sEcho Valley Art Show @ Undergrounds CoffeehausTuesday, June 4Killswitch Engage @ Revolution LiveWednesday, June 5Big Boi @ Revolution LiveThursday, June 6Dopapod@ Funky Buddha LoungeJune 6-9Hukilau 2013: The Hula Girls, Gold Dust Lounge, The Intoxicators, The Ding Dong Devils, Ixtahuele @ HukilauFriday, June 7Ice Age, Lover, New Coke, Suede Dudes, Last @ Churchill’s PubSaturday, June 8Los Amigos Invisibles @ Grand CentralChali, XCX, Kitty Pride, Little Daylight, Ray Milian, Aramis Lorie @ The GarretOrder of the Owl, Bog Prophet, Orbweaver, The Tunnel, Amplifier Orgy @ Churchill’s PubFleetwood Mac @ BB&T CenterMurder Junkies @ The Speakeasy

Christopher Ian Macfarlane is a local artist that operates on an entirely different plane of consciousness and brings artists such

as Joseph Beuys and Marcel Duchamp to mind because like them, Macfarlane is attempting to redefine “Art” (capital a) and what it means to be an artist. Flowing like a river between mediums (music, painting and sculpture), ‘found objects’ and illustration being combined into a 21st century version of animatronic Kinetic Art; Christopher represents a new avant-gardism. About his work preferences he states: “Painting on a flat canvas is great, but there’s got to be more. I’ve been making large three dimensional cardboard sculptures”

and about art in general “… art should jump into the audience, physically grabbing them by the collars and warming their faces with hot breathy screams.” He then spoke at length about his “ … disgust toward the mentality that many people have regarding migration to one place or the other to get ‘discovered’ or ‘noticed.’ If your art is good, then you should be able to draw crowds into a sewer to come see it.” His personal art mythos: “I want to try to be as innovative as possible - not so people can marvel at me as a person. I don’t want to be in their minds at all. I want each person to feel like the only ones in the room are them and the particular piece.” More Duchamp-isms; Marcel was acutely aware of the critical relationship of what he considered to be the holy trinity of art (artist/object/viewer). I suspect we’re seeing the sum effect of marrying art with technology and it’s becoming a sort of new informal “Fluxus;” spreading like so many ripples… as movements in Art (capital a) are both inevitably and apt to do. It’s worth mentioning that some months ago Christopher made a sculpture for The Residents which still rides at the helm of their tour bus and that at the very least is pretty damn cool!

Check out his website: www.crapbychris.com ~Gabriel Laszlo

Hot Breathy Screams

“The best part is over, and nothing I’m feeling is new,” Joy Formidable vocalist Ritzy Bryan sings on “The Turnaround,” towards the end of her

band’s new album, Wolf’s Law. A falser statement could not be made about Joy Formidable itself, which, if Wolf’s Law is any indication, seems to want to reinvent the rock ‘n’ roll wheel with every record. Leaps and bounds ahead of the group’s 2011 debut The Big Roar, the album doesn’t hew nearly as faithfully to the band’s sonic

forbears – the Breeders, Cocteau Twins, Belly – and inches the Joy Formidable closer to the kind of band other acts are compared to. Some of the credit must be reserved for producer Andy Wallace, whose work with Slayer, Sonic Youth and Nirvana helped shape the album’s mix of heaviness and artiness. Ditto for the secluded cabin in the woods in Maine where the Joy Formidable spent a week writing Wolf’s Law, sans Wi-Fi and telephone, alone with their ideas, creative juices flowing like sap from the trees outside.

At any rate, the band’s advanced growth and complexity are best distilled by three tracks in the middle of the album: The frenzied punk bombast of “Bats” gives way to the arresting acoustic lighter-waver “Silent Treatment,” which ushers in the assaulting “Maw Maw Song,” with head-banging riffs that not a far cry from Black Sabbath. “Cholla” and “Forest Serenade,” meanwhile, have the same instant-hit infectiousness that made “Whirring” one of the most exciting songs of 2010. Bookended by orchestral surprises and filled with twinkly interludes, shredding solos and other unexpected bridges, Wolf’s Law is masterful. It’s safe to say the best part is definitely not over, with the hardworking North Wales trio stopping at the Culture Room May 7, where they’ll bring along Los Angeles indie rockers Io Echo. The band’s set lists have been seemingly short on this tour, clocking in at around 14 songs, but expect to hear extended, emphatic versions of album tracks that already inch toward the 7-minute mark. Tickets are $15 at ticketmaster.com. ~John Thomason

Wolf Blitzkrieg

Lake Worth is a lucky little town. Spanning just seven miles, residents and visitors get a face full of culture whenever they swing through this artsy

community. With a bevy of local bands, stellar venues, and the finest vinyl in all the land available at Top Five Records, it’s no secret this town gets turned on by music. Locals invariably tend to get into the musical spirit, including friends Dave Earley and Lauren Vocino who met when Lauren was booking acts at Propaganda and Dave was a regular at the bar. They would chat about bands and one day, Dave revealed his big idea.

After discovering the book Behind Photographs by Tim Mantoani, Dave was inspired. It captured images of famous photographers holding a copy of their most beloved photographic contribution. “I

thought, Lake Worth is so musically oriented, it would be neat to photograph people holding the one album they could listen to forever” he said. Dave shared this concept with Lauren, and the Lake Worth Vinyl Project was born.

They started promoting. Soon shoots were popping up all over town. Who was allowed to participate? Everyone. “We wanted it to be diverse, people from different groups getting together and getting to know each other and talking about the records they chose. There are kids, bands, and business people. But the commonality is music.” The response was rather impressive. 158 people and 1 dog participated in the project and the official unveiling was last December at Top Five where over 80 people came to show support. The photos still hang there today.

Is this the end of the Lake Worth Vinyl Project? No way! Dave and Lauren are planning on a “Guilty Pleasures” shoot. Keep an eye out for a Kickstarter page launched by the duo that will raise funds to keep the project going.Lauren knows they have a good thing going and is looking towards the future: “People have been really receptive to it; everyone we talk to is excited about the idea. People ask me all the time ‘When are you doing the guilty pleasure shoot?’ We are hoping it will be even bigger than the first one.” To view a full list of models and album titles from our centerfold go to PureHoneyMagazine.com | www.facebook.com/lakeworthvinylproject ~ Dana Krangel

Lake Worth Vinyl Project

The Hukilau has become a Fort Lauderdale institution, an annual bacchanalia of tiki culture that draws colorfully-clad revelers from around the globe for four days of revelry.

The 12th annual event – set for June 6-9 at the Sheraton Beach Hotel and The Mai-Kai restaurant – could be daunting to the newbie or casual observer. So, for those who just want to get their feet wet in this ocean of tiki madness, here’s what to look for:

The Sheraton (aka Yankee Clipper) - home of Marina the Fire Eating Mermaid and her underwater swim shows in the Wreck Bar – is ground zero. Rooms are sold out, but the neighboring Best Western and other nearby hotels are fine for a “staycation.” Look for Marina’s special performances, including late-night Thursday.

You don’t need a room or an all-access pass to enjoy the party. Various tickets are

available, most including access to the art show and Tiki Treasures Bazaar. For the first time, the bazaar will be free and open to the public Saturday afternoon.

Eclectic music sets the mood, and The Hukilau offers a rare chance to catch Ìxtahuele (Sweden), The Ding Dong Devils (California), The Hula Girls (California), and The Intoxicators (Tallahassee). South Florida is represented by Gold Dust Lounge and Skinny Jimmy & the Stingrays. Check the online schedule for venues and times.

The Hukilau is known for its educational symposiums on such diverse topics as authentic Polynesian tattooing and the history of aloha shirts. Cocktailians won’t want to miss author Jeff “Beachbum” Berry’s annual seminar featuring exclusive recipes, tips and tropical drink lore. These require a separate ticket but are reasonably priced.

Further inland, The Mai-Kai hosts multiple events. Sure, we enjoy this Polynesian paradise year-round, but the vibe and energy is unique during The Hukilau. Check out the Thursday night party or make reservations for one of Saturday’s dinner shows to get a front-row seat for the festivities. Bands perform all night in the bar and back dining area. Sunday afternoon’s finale includes live music and a documentary on tiki culture by Miami filmmakers Common Machine.

For more information, go to TheHukilau.com

~ Jim Hayward, TheAtomicGog.com

A Local’s Guide to Hukilau