pure in heart talk: overview of the theology of the body and each person's need for communion

7/31/2019 Pure in Heart Talk: Overview of the Theology of the Body and Each Person's Need for Communion

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The Most Holy Trinity: Communio,Friendship, Family, and Community Life

Foundational Principles of the Theology of the Body

What is the Theology of the Body?

The TOB is a series of 129 Wednesday Audiences given during the first six yearsof his pontificate. He said that it is biblical reflection on the theological meaning ofthe human body.

Corrected Translation

When it was originally delivered there were a total of six different intermittenttranslators and the was a lack of consistency in the use of key terms. For example,

the pivotal term, Spousal Meaning of the Body was translated 7 different ways:nuptial meaning, nuptial significance, matrimonial significance, conjugal meaning,conjugal significance, spousal significance, and finally spousal meaning. Because it

was translated piecemeal, week by week, the original titles and structure of the holyfather was lost. Michael Waldstein in recent years has published a correctedtranslation in which the original Polish manuscript was consulted and matched along

with the official Italian text and because the holy father was still alive at the time, hewas personally consulted in the process. The best translation to use is called, Manand Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body translated by Michael

Waldstein that came out in 2006.

As we know, a General Audience is the genre by which the Insegnamentiseries identifies the regular Wednesday discourses of the sovereign Pontiff. Theseare catecheses, which as Vatican II in Christus Dominus stated, has pride of placefor a bishop, especially for the bishop of Rome. Because the intended audience is theChurch universal, we must pay attention to how these teachings ought to be received

by the faithful, especially by the authenticated teachers of the faith, bishops and theirco-workers, the priests. It can be said that since the Pope speaks to the universalChurch, in the form of teaching central to his office of bishop, on a topic that regardsfaith and morals, that the TOB must be received with religious submission of mindand will.

The holy Father recognizes that Scripture is the soul of sacred theology andthe TOB is merely reflections or a commentary on what the scriptures mean withregard to our bodies. The holy father interpret scripture in a very full sense: in boththe literal and spiritual senses, using historical and cultural human hagiographersand their intention in writing to penetrate deeper into the allegorical, moral,anagogical senses of the Word of God. With a lively faith, the holy father tells us thatthe TOB is really a living encounter with Jesus, who has a living dialogue with eachperson about their body. It is the voice of the Master that one ought to hear whenreading the TOB, for it is the same voice that can be heard in the depths of thehuman heart making the TOB a very personal experience and encounter with God in

ones own body.


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Structure

There are two major divisions of the TOB, the are divided very much like theMass. Part One: the Words of Christ and Part Two: the Sacrament. The first part isthen divided what the holy father calls a tryptych - three parts that all compose one

kind of picture. The way I like to explain this part is by an analogy of a lifeexperience that happened to me when I was training boy scouts how to use a mapand compass. Three small scouts and myself were in a kind of swampy forest andthey were asked to find there way to the other side. I showed them where thestarting point and the ending point were and they began the trek. It wasnt soon

before they were lost. They began to panic when I asked them three simplequestions: Where did we come from? Where are we going? Where are we now?They began to look at the topographical signs, hills, streams, and it wasnt long

before they were able to triangulate where we were. The theology of the body is likethis. The first part shows where we come from: Christ appeals to the beginning. Thesecond part is where we are now: Christ appeals to the human heart - this is manssituation in history. The third part is where we are going: Christ appeals to theresurrection - the eternal destiny of our bodies in the glory of God. You could alsosay that this is a kind of trinitarian triangulation that Christ has with each person.He shows them that the Father has created them in Christ before the world beganrevealing to them the primordial meaning of the body that are revealed by our firstparents. Then Christ shows them that he knows exactly where they are right now inthe state of fallen man, battling with concupiscience and their own personal tendencytoward sin calling man to fight the battle of redemption for his body. Finally heshows the distance between who the Father created them to be and exactly wherethey are at right now - to reveal the Holy Spirit filling in this gap and calling them to

their eschatological destination.The second part is really about the Great Sacrament, the Magnum Mysterium of

Christ and in two parts: the dimension of the covenant of God with Man as arevelation of the dimension of the conjugal covenant of Christian marriage and thesecond part that is a discussion of the rite of holy matrimony, a kind of liturgicalexegesis on the dimension of the sacramental sign and what it means. After all this,then the very tail end the holy father is ready to talk about Humanae Vitae and thiscomposes the last part of the work.

Let me share here what Cardinal Schnborn said where the three majorcontributions of Bl Pope John Paul in the Theology of the Body:

1. The image of God is found in man and woman above all in the communionbetween them, which reflects the communion of love between the persons ofthe Trinity

2. In Gods design, the spousal union of man and woman is the original effectivesign through which holiness entered the world.

3. This visible sign of marriage in the beginning is connected with the visiblesign of Christs spousal love for the Church and is thus the foundation of the

whole sacramental order


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In the Beginning

We begin with the conversation Jesus has with the Pharisees in Matthew 19,where he says that Moses permitted divorce because of our hardness of heart, but inthe beginning it was not so. Here we enter into dialogue with Jesus who walks us

through primordial man, the first few chapters of Genesis. Here the pope gives oneof his greatest insights to the TOB and really to his papacy and our epoch we live innow: man is created in the image and likeness of God for communion not only withGod, but to live out this communion with God in communion with each other,particularly in the one-man and one-woman union. Now the old penny catechismasks the question, Is the image and likeness of God primarily in the body or in thesoul? In the soul is the answer. This notion of man and womans union does notchange that but only shows that it is not only in the soul, but a communion of bodyand soul, primarily of the soul. I say this because some people struggleunderstanding what appears to be a redefinition or shift of Christian doctrine, whenin reality it is only a deepening. Animals live a male-female union and if we reducethis to a bodily union we might as well say that they live in the image and likeness ofGod the same way we do, but the holy father is referring her to the union of the wholeperson, body, soul, and spirit. Just as the Father and Son love each other and thename of that Love is called the Holy Spirit, man and woman love one another infruitful communion and bear life that becomes another human person.

Then the holy father takes us on a journey through the second account ofcreation that shows mans original experience of his own body first through hissolitude, elevation above visible creation, awareness of his own self-consciousnessand self-determination, and that he finds that no other creature can satisfy his needfor communion. Then when God creates for him his other self, i.e. for woman he

discovers the love of God realized in the gift woman and sees himself as a gift to her,discovers his own complimentarity, and find himself in a communion of persons.Next the holy father talks about mans primordial experience of his body as naked

without shame before God and before woman, with complete openness andvulnerability.

This leads us to another key topic in the TOB: the Spousal Meaning of the Body,that the body itself is revealed as a gift to the other, man can only find this meaningand love in a disinterested gift of self to the other. The Spousal Meaning of the Bodyconstitutes the fundamental component of human existence in the world and isexpressed either in the conjugal covenant of marriage or in the gift of oneself for theKingdom of heaven.

Christ Appeals to the Human Heart

The next section is based on Christs comments in the sermon on the mount,You have heard it said, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, whoeverlooks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.Here Jesus shows that he knows what is in man and that he knows exactly whatman is going through. The value of this chapter is this: exactly as you are right now,Jesus knows and accepts where you are and if you are honest with him and yourselfhe is willing to take upon your misery and transform it for his glory. Jesus loves you

as you are! He knows and understands you. This is of the utmost importance forwhat the holy father says next - to recover this interior glance of the heart so that it


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can begin to look upon the human body to behold the mystery of God. This is wherehe gives his definition of purity: To behold the mystery of God through the gift of thehuman body. Then Jesus takes us through the 3rd chapter of Genesis - the fall, andnot only our first parents but begins this discussion with each person so as to revealto them their need for redemption. The other important insight of this section is that

Christ doesnt accuse the heart but calls it to a higher life. He ends this section with adiscussion of purity as life in the Spirit.

Christ Appeals to the Resurrection

This section begins with Christ speaking to the Saducees who ask him whosespouse the seven brothers wife will be in the resurrection. This is really a sillyquestion. Hearkens back to the catechetical question that kids ask, did Adam andEve have belly buttons or something of this sort. Jesus answer is clear: Have younot read in the book of Moses, in the story about the bush, how God said to him, Iam the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? He is not God ofthe dead, but of the living. Jesus points out here that the body is made forresurrection and eternal communion with God. Here the holy father gives anotherpivotal term: the Virginal Meaning of the Body. While the Spousal Meaning of the

body signifies that the body is made for communion, the virginal meaning of thebody points out that the body is made ultimately only for God. Those who live in agift of celibate love gift their body totally to Christ now to be an eschatological sign of

what is to come. He concludes this section and the entire first part with the a call tothe redemption of the body, to which Christ calls each of us, pointing out that thisprimarily a work of God and calls for mans vigorous participation.

Part Two: The Sacrament

The Dimension of Covenant and Grace

The holy father begins the next half of the TOB with a discussion on Ephesians5, especially talking about the Great Sacrament, the Magnum Mysterium of Christand the Church. His monumental insight here is that the union of man and womansignifies what is the source of all grace to mankind - Gods covenant with man,Christs marriage to the Church, and in every Sacrament this covenant is revealedand gifted once again to man. Here he introduces an idea of the language of the bodythat is essential later in his commentary on Humanae Vitae. He speaks about Christ

saying to the Church and man saying to woman, This is my body, which is given upfor you.

The Dimension of the Sign

The next section he does a kind of liturgical exegesis on the rite of marriageexplaining how in the rite itself is revealed the theology of indissolubility. The otherinteresting thing he does here is show how the Song of Solomon talks both aboutmans love for woman and therefore of Christs love for the Church.


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Third and Final Part: He Gave them the Law of Life as their Inheritance

The final part is perhaps the most important. He shows the final destination ofthese reflections as explaining the sexual ethics behind being open to life in everymarital act as speaking an honest language of the body in interpersonal communion,

and how there can be an ethical regulation of fertility only inasmuch as this languageof the body remains open and transparent. He ends with a brief section on conjugalspirituality, that would make excellent substance for a marital retreat, for here hetalks about ascesis, prayer, frequent reception of the Sacraments as a means tokeeping the language of the body and marital relations reflective of the trinitariancommunion.

THE SOUND OF MY FATHERS VOICE

I remember as a child about the age of four years old waking up in the middleof the night with a terrible ear ache. It seemed also that my whole body was on

fire, as if I was immersed in pain. Suddenly I heard the sound of my fathersvoice. I think he might have heard me crying in my sleep and came over to seewhat was the matter. He picked me up and held me. He gave me somemedicine for my ear ache and what probably was a bad cold, but the pain wasso great that I couldnt find peace. So he put me on the couch and read me apicture book story. This was the first memory I had of the power of the voiceof my father. I didnt really care what he said or what the story was about. I

just liked listening to the sound of his voice. It was saying to a deeper part ofme, that he loved me, that I was lovable, that I was good.

Many times in my childhood his voice spoke to me this message. I remember

driving to work with him. He was a carpenter and it was an hour drive to theconstruction site from our home. He used to sing to me, talk to me, and tellme stories. I dont remember a lot of what he said, but I always remember howI felt when I heard the sound of his voice. I guess the first time I realized theneed I had to hear this voice was when I was in college. I was struggling withfiguring out how to balance the difficult schedule of studying, my after school

job, and trying to grow up. When I called him on the phone I distinctlyremember the great confidence I felt just listening to my fathers voice. Italways seemed to give me a deep peace, a kind of strength in my bones, in myheart of hearts I found that because my father gave me the gift of his time, his

words, and above all, his love, that I am a lovable person and that I amcapable of doing whatever this life demands, even if at times these are verydifficult things.

MY MOTHERS VOICE

My fathers voice was not the only voice that spoke to my soul. The mostconstant contact I first had with anyone was my mother. She said I used tospend the whole day by her side as a toddler, and that I used to hide in herskirt when I felt danger was near, that she was my refuge and comfort. Iremember her as my first best friend and playmate. When I heard the soundher voice it made me feel very calm and many times, because she would speak

with all sorts of funny accents, I would laugh and giggle.


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I first noticed the imprint of my mothers voice when I found myself in greatdanger. I was in a Philippine jungle where it was said that armed soldiers werehiding that wanted to overthrow the government. They had kidnapped many

western missionaries and held them for ransom. When faced with the choiceto go a short way across a mountain path that was supposedly covered with

these armed forces, or to go the long way that was safer, I distinctly heard thevoice of my mother, Be careful! Dont do anything foolish. What? How didmy mothers protective voice find its way into my conscience?

WE LONG TO HEAR THE VOICE OF OUR FATHER AND MOTHER

Why is it that we are so deeply comforted to hear the voice of our father andmother, why does their voice become such a profound part of our hearts andconsciences? Why do we long for their love? The truth about the humanperson is that each is created by and for a loving communion of persons. Inthe beginning we read:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)

This means that, as Blessed Pope John Paul II says in his theology of the Body,

man became the image of God not only through his own humanity, but alsothrough the communion of persons

For just as the Eternal Father is one with the Eternal Son and from theirintimate communion of persons is conceived and flows the Person of the HolySpirit, so too, from the intimate communion of man and woman is conceived

and flows a new human person. This new life happens in the conception of thewomb but also it ought to happen every day in family life. The very same loveof the Eternal Family of the Blessed Trinity is replicated and echoed in thelove of man and woman who not only in the act of conception but by theircommunion and friendship daily give life to their children.

It is amazing to see the connection between trinitarian theology and thedifferences between man and woman. God the Father is the origin (what thename actually means in Greek) of the Son and Holy Spirit. He is the principleor initiation of the other two persons. God the Son is eternally receptive to theFather and his love. From the love of both Father and Son comes the Holy

Spirit. In this understanding of the Blessed Trinity, we can understand thepattern of masculine and feminine complementarity and fertility. Dr PhilipMango, a psychologist who teaches a kind of psychology of the body thataccompanies the theology of the body says:

The definition of masculinity is the male who takes initiative regularly. Heinitiates something that is good for others at a cost to himself, at a sacrifice tohimself, and sustains what he has initiated with power and love, as a positiveleader, as a protector, defender, lover, and a wise counselor.

The definition of femininity is active receptivity.


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Masculinity and femininity are from God, have their origin in his image andlikeness and a person who has underdeveloped their manhood or womanhoodis not living the fullness of their dignity as a son or daughter of God. We cansee that masculinity and femininity have been lived out in different waysthroughout the ages and in different cultures, but their origin is in God and is

not simply sociological evolution or mere cultural conditioning. These areultimately made for life. What does man initiate in the seed of his body and

woman receive within her body? LIFE!

It is written into our nature, which by scientific studies, can be observed andnoted. According to the social sciences:

There is no fact that has been established by social science literature moreconvincingly than the following: all variables considered, children are bestserved when reared in a home with a married mother and father. DavidPopenoe (1996) summarized the research nicely: "social science research is

almost never conclusive, yet in three decades of work as a social scientist, Iknow of few other bodies of data in which the weight of evidence is sodecisively on one side of the issue: on the whole, for children, two-parentfamilies" (p. 176). (Gender Complementarity and Child Rearing by Dr A. DeanBeard PhD)

THE EFFECT OF MASCULINE AND FEMININE VOICES

There was a study done in a pediatric ward with small infants. They had aroom full of babies whose neurological activity was being monitored. When aman walked into the room and started speaking to the babies, they started to

kick and wiggle and move about. Their brain activity became very active, theireyes widened, and they looked around the room full of excitement. When awoman walked into the room and started talking to the babies, they lay still,their neurological activity became calmer, their eyes started to close, and somestarted to fall asleep.

Another study shows that fathers around the world in different cultures andsocio- economic backgrounds have a kind of universal tendency to hold their

baby out from them, to look them in the eye, and yes, even to throw them upin the air and catch them. The study was not limited to cultural conditioning.

Yes that is right, it is a universal tendency in fathers to actually throw their

children up in the air. For women it is exactly the opposite. They desired tohold the child close to their hearts, pull them in, and give them nurturing andgentle caresses. If youd ask the woman they would tell the man to not throwthe child so high and his reaction would be that it wouldnt quite be highenough. Different studies show the complementarity of masculine andfeminine touch in rearing children:

Male and female differences emerge in ways in which infants are held and thedifferential ways in which mothers and fathers use touch with their children.Mothers more frequently use touch to calm, soothe, or comfort infants. Whena mother lifts her child, she brings the child toward her breasts providing

warmth, comfort, security and protection. Fathers more often use touch tostimulate or to excite the child. Fathers tend to hold infants at arms length in


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front of them, make eye contact, toss the infant in the air, or embrace the childin such a way that the child is looking over the father's shoulder. Shapiro notesthat each of these "daddy holds" underscores a sense of freedom (1994).

Clarke-Stewart (1980) reported differences in mothers' and fathers' play.

Mothers tend to play more at the child's level. Mothers provide an opportunityto direct the play, to be in charge, to proceed at the child's pace. Fathers' playresembles a teacher-student relationship-- apprenticeship of sorts. Fathers'play is more rough-and-tumble.

M E N A N D W O M E N A R E E Q U A L B U T D I F F E R E N T -COMPLEMENTARY

The complementarity of man and woman serves the communion betweenthem in sexual attraction and fertility in the procreation of children, but it alsoserves to develop different parts of the person. Lets look at the person from a

Catholic anthropology, looking at man from the point of view of St ThomasAquinas, who probably better than any has been able to discriminate withinthe human organism, the subtle differences between different faculties, i.e. theintellect and will, passions and powers, and how they relate to one another.

Men have a very developed reason (ratio) for the use of a kind of hyper-focus,to get a difficult job done and persevere in doing it until the goal isaccomplished. Reason is able to dissect a situation, compartmentalize it andanalyze abstract principles, essences, and ideas. Women have a highlydeveloped intuitive intellect (intellectus), which helps to look at the wholesituation and see things in a holistic approach, helping them to embrace the

emotional content of a situation and draw out from it an intimate meaningand purpose. Some have said that men are more right-brain and women areleft-brain, however, if you actually look at the physical organ of the brain ofan actual man it is in two compartments with a super conductor in the middleof two lobes. A womans brain is so interconnected by a spaghetti supernetwork that it almost appears that it is one lobe. So actually, the whole right-

brain/ left-brain thing is only applicable to men. Each human person needs todevelop both parts of the intellect the abstract ratio and the intuitiveintellectus. It is clear from studies that the complementarity of both and manand woman raising a child that both parts of the mind are exercised,challenged, and matured.

Also the will needs to be developed. Aquainas said that there are two basic setsof volition or willing within man, two types of appetites. One is for theenjoyment of the pleasurable good, the concupiscible appetite, and another isfor desiring the good that is difficult to attain, the irascible appetite.Femininity seems to embody all of the qualities of the pleasurable good, a

voice that is gentle, a eyes that are soft and welcoming, a nurturing andsensitive touch. While masculinity seems to embody everything about obtainthe arduous or difficult good: decisive actions, courageous execution of plans,anger at the good that is threatened, a hatred for what is evil.

One thing must be clarified here. While men and womens complementaritydoes embody or exhibit a particular trait of the human person, each human


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person must develop all of these faculties. However, men tend to develop thefeminine qualities albeit in a masculine way, and vice versa for women. Infact, St Edith Stein said that the a person has not fully developed into theirmasculine manhood or feminine womanhood unless they embody both themasculine and feminine qualities, yet possess them and express them in

keeping with their sexual identity. Who shows more womanly assertiveness,decisiveness, and protectiveness than the Blessed Mother, whose womanhoodhad perfectly matured in its fullness? Who is more gentle, nurturing, andsensitive than Jesus, albeit in a masculine way?

HOW FATHER & MOTHER EFFECT THE DEVELOPMENT OF APERSON

What is amazing is that studies show how essential it is for a person toexperience the both masculine and feminine affirmation in order for all theirfaculties to develop properly.

Perhaps this is seen most strikingly in those who are deprived of it.Children who grew up without a fatherly influence:

-Exhibited a general lack of courage and confidence, especially inaccomplishing difficult goals

-"there may be something unique to fathers that provides children withdifferent opportunities to regulate their emotions" (Broughton 2000)

-Were statistically more promiscuous and found it difficult to live chasterelationships well, which is particularly difficult for women in later years who

develop daddy issues

-Showed high sense of aggression and could not express anger in a healthyway or found it highly uncomfortable when someone is angry with them

Children who grew up without a motherly influence:

-Found it difficult speak about their feelings, experience connectedness, andfound intimacy awkward

-showed high insecurity and need for attention, physical contact, emotionaland affirmation

-Had difficulty showing affection, warmth and developing depth in romanticrelationships with their spouses.

In todays world, the high percentage of broken families is giving rise topersons who would be described by many of the above traits.

Dr Conrad Baars, PhD, an expert psychiatrist who was a consultant for PopePaul VI on psychological matters, was famous for his intuition inunderstanding the affirmation of the person. Clearly, he said, that most peopleexperience a kind of birthing of their person before the age of 5. In fact 80% of

the person is already developed into who he or she will become for the rest oftheir life: including their capacity to love and be loved, their gender


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identification, and their overall understanding of what it is to be a humanperson. Yet there is another kind of birthing that happens usually in a personslate teens and early twenties, a kind of psychological birthing of theirpersonality. This too happens by way of affirmation, that the person begins tosee themselves as an adult who is capable of loving and being loved.

The problem is that so many people find themselves unlovable and unaffirmedeither by father or mother or both. This can be true even of persons who grewup in homes with both parents physically present but emotionally absent. Infact, it can even be more painful when a parent is there but is incapable ofloving and affirming the child. Blessed Pope John Paul II in his letter toFamilies, also spoke about the egocentric and hedonistic tendencies of parentsthat brings about the terrifying phenomenon of children being orphans ofliving parents, which is a wound of being rejected and unloved. In these casesa person is almost better off having lost a parent through death rather thanhaving the parent reject the child and refuse to show love to him.

I find, as a priest, the pews of the Churches full of such orphaned, unloved,unaffirmed persons. It wasnt that somebody did something to them that wasterrible, but it what someone didnt do to them - love them. Dr Conrad Baars,together with Dr Anna Teruwe was responsible for the discovery of a verymodern emotional disorder, Emotional Deprivational Disorder.

Emotional Deprivation Disorder is a syndrome which results from a lack ofauthentic affirmation and emotional strengthening in one's life. A person mayhave been criticized, ignored, neglected, abused, or emotionally rejected byprimary caregivers early in life, resulting in that individuals stunted

emotional growth. Unaffirmed persons are incapable of developing intoemotionally mature adults until they receive authentic affirmation fromanother person. Maturity is reached when there is a harmonious relationship

between a persons body, mind, emotions and spiritual soul under theguidance of their reason and will.

REACTION TO LIFE

Most of the time people dont like to think about the evil in their lives, whodidnt love them, who abandoned them, who might have hurt them. So unlessa person is able to look it in the eye and deal with it, it gets buried and people

develop a whole intricate system of learning how to ignore it, cope with it,medicate it: drugs, alcoholism, being a workaholic, perfectionism, over-achieving, over-eating, promiscuous sex, pornography, avoidance of any kindor responsibility or stresses that are part of a normal life, and so on. Yet theseare perhaps the things that are the most harmful. The deepest wounds thatpeople have are not what has been done to them but what they do in reactionto it. It is not what goes into a man that defiles him but what comes out ofhim, not what happens to him, but what he makes happen (Matthew 15:1).

It is particularly difficult when this reaction is not conscious, and thereforemay appear to have a life of its own. Aquainas differentiated between two

parts of the will, the active and the passive, similar to what modernpsychology calls the conscious and subconscious part of a person. It is very


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common for a person to be subconsciously needy of masculine or feminineaffirmation or attention if they were deprived of it when they were younger.Because of the power of sin working in us this may at times be acted out inperverse ways.

NO ONE IS A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCE OR DOOMED BY HISTORY

Because of the identification that we have with the way we grew up andbecause so much of who we are depends on the formation we receive as tinychildren, it is easy for a person to feel condemned to simply be the outcome oftheir past, marked forever by a distant mother or absent father or whateverkind of childhood. You hear it all the time in popular culture, songs, andmovies - almost like an excuse for self- pity or a definition of who a person is

based solely on what has happened to them. Yet what is most wounding in ourlives is not what has or hasnt happened to us, it is our own reaction to it.However, we know that God is a Good Father, and his plan is for freedom and

healing.

What is the healing of someone who has been wounded by their fundamentalrelationships in life: graced friendships.

WHAT IS GRACED FRIENDSHIP?

Graced friendship is a relationship given to us by God to bring us intocommunion. It is a friendship that reveals God as a communion. The firstgraced friendship that is essential for healing is our friendship with God theFather, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

ABBA FATHER

In friendship with God the Father we see that no one on earth is our ultimateorigin, which is why we call no man on earth father (Matthew 23:9). Eventhough we have an earthly father or father-figures there is only one REALFather, the first and last father, the only one truly worthy of the name, before

whom all others are merely icons of the real deal. God the Father is theprinciple, initiator, and beginning of our whole person. Blessed Pope JohnPaul speaks about Christs conversation with us in the theology of our bodiesthat brings us back to the beginning. The Father is our beginning. He is thesource of your manhood & masculinity or womanhood & femininity. In

friendship with the Father we come to discover ourselves as Created beforethe world began or existent within the mind of God the Father before hecreated us, before there was a chance for sin, and most importantly in apersonal way, before there was sin in my own life. A tender, interior, realfriendship with our heavenly Father has the power to bring real freedom andconfidence. Men find that they can stand tall as a son of God, who shows themtheir glorious liberty of the sons of God (Romans 8:12-17). Women find thefather-daughter fulfillment as being enthroned and enshrined in the Heart ofthe Father like a dove nestled in the cleft of the rock (Song of Songs 2:14). Idont know how many times I find the necessity of re-introducing therelationship with Abba Father in the lives of the faithful. It seems there are somany people whose primary hindrance to holiness and happiness is that theydont have a real friendship with God as Abba. How many people there are


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who just cant find that extra confidence boost to go beyond themselves, stuckin a rut, spinning their wheels, just waiting for the moment when they willfinally begin to live the Gospel the way their heart longs for.

JESUS REDEEMER

Jesus is our friend. Moving beyond the clich, we have to see that a friendshipwith Christ means redemption from sin. Depression, anxiety, fear, worry,hopelessness, and doubt often plague the emotional lives of many, but do theyever link these things to allowing sin to remain in their lives? A sin is a gravemoral act that is against the ten commandments that a person consciously and

willingly commits or some good that they ought not omit. A sin is bad, youknow it, and you do it. Sin is not an attitude or feeling and can be somethingthat a person really likes and is attached to, could even feel really good aboutit, even though they know deep down that it is evil. Their minds justify it, andgrowing accustomed to it being in their life or lacking the courage or desire to

be free, they dont get rid of it.

HOW USELESS it is to talk about healthy graced friendships if a person is stillin mortal sin. They could have already gone to confession many times, butthey never confessed a particular evil that they freely and knowingly did many

years ago. That sin is still lodged in their heart and life, and, still like a foreigninfectious object, is the actual reason for many sleepless nights or depressingdays. HOW FUTILE would it be to talk about relationships if you didnt firstget rid of sin. If a person commits one mortal sin they merit the eternalpunishment of hell and separation from God (Catechism of the CatholicChurch 1033-1036). This is the dogmatic teaching of the Council of Trent and

therefore the authentic teaching of Jesus Christ. This is a teaching that hepersonally reveals to you in an intimate friendship with him. If thepunishment after death is hell, you better believe that there is a very realseparation from God in the soul that manifests itself in the emotions andthoughts of a person already in this life. St Teresa of Avila said about those inmortal sin, I cannot believe that He would grant them contemplation and inanother place one of the biggest hindrances to holiness is unconfessed mortalsin. We must confess our sins, according to canon law, in kind and numberall mortal sins committed after baptism to get rid of them like weeding agarden. If we to just confess the sins without doing this it would be like takingthe tops of the weeds off, which would in fact merely prune them, allowingtheir roots to grow deeper in unseen soil of our souls. In confession, Jesus isour friend who frees us sin.

Confession is the Sacrament given to us by God to be honest with ourselvesand accepting of the evil that we have actually done. It is the way that we nolonger feel victim of our childhood experience, when we take fullresponsibility for our lives and actions. I am convinced that it is the true wayfor God to totally free us of things which plague us, and that many kinds ofemotional imbalances, depression, anxieties and fears, still are permitted torule our souls because of unconfessed sin.

The love of Jesus, who was crucified for us and knows us even in our sins,loves us exactly where we are at right now, and it is this love, perhaps only this


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love, that gives us the courage to be brutally honest with him in the Sacramentof Mercy. Also we must know that a real friendship with Jesus Christ isSACRAMENTAL. This means it is incarnated into a specific ritual that hehimself instituted and in which he himself wills for me to participate. I need to

be able to hear his words spoken to me in a sacramental-personal way,

Baptism- unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter thekingdom of God (John 3:5)

Reconciliation- My child, your sins are forgiven (Mark 2:5)

Eucharist- This is my body, which will be given up for you (Luke 22:19)

It is important for me to understand that is through sacramental friendshipthat it is incarnate, made real and intimate in a way that will potently changemy life and bring me deeper into Christ. Christ also makes this friendshipdeeply ecclesial, a relationship in and of the Church. In this way I can truly

hear the voice speaking in to me as the living Word of God, that is onlytransmitted in its fullness in the tripod of Sacred Scripture, Sacred Tradition,and the Magisterium of the Church. The chief place where this Word is spokento me and I receive it is the Liturgy, especially when it is celebrated well, withdignity and solemnity.

THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE SOUL OF OUR SOULS

The Holy Spirit is the Love of the Father and the Son. He is the soul of oursoul, he is the gentle and powerful lover of our inmost hearts. To know him inpersonal friendship is first to realize that he is not just a symbol like a dove, a

fire, a drop of oil, but a real PERSON, a friend. This friend is PURE LOVE.This is his divine personality. To know him is to know you are loved from theinside-out. This love takes the form of an interior power, a fullness, the joy ofeternal love, the happiness of blessedness, the power of God alive in us.

The Holy Spirit reveals his friendship with us as the one who dwells and fillsour bodies as a holy temple, our hearts as a sacred altar, our minds as a sealedtabernacle. He is particularly important in the work of the redemption of our

bodies. In our baptism the Holy Spirit, and therefore the entire Blessed Trinitydwells in our inmost heart. Although our faculties are immediately purified oforiginal sin, the effects still remain, and the Spirit works mightily in our

interior to bring this about. From the inside and working outward the HolySpirit slowly transforms our beings through grace, through prompting us todesire redemption more, through our response to suffering, ultimatelythrough an ever more pure and full gift of our inmost self to God and to hisfriends. It is very much like a microwave oven, which heats up the core andthen slowly moves outward. Deep calls to deep in roar of mighty

waters (Psalm 42:17), that is God the Holy Spirit searches the depths of manand searches the depths of God (1 Corinthians 2:10) and joins the misery ofman to the mercy of God in Christ. You could say that the Holy Spirit finds theriches of the depths of Redemption, of the merits of Christ crucified, of his

sacred wounds and sews them into the very wounds of man. For it was manswounds that wounded the redeemer and his willingness to be wounded by love


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for our sake that releases the mighty waters of the Holy Spirit, so that theinmost depths of man are eternally transformed into the depths of God. Thegreatest thing therefore that unites us to God are our wounds, not our gifts or

virtues. They good that is in us is not the cause of our union with God but thefruit of it. The good that is in God cannot resist the parts of us that need him

the most like water falls to the lowest point. This happens because of Godsmercy, not because of us, however our desire, our groaning, our inmost

yearning for God is our cooperation in redemption. This is a work of the HolySpirit and often happens very deeply within us without even our knowledgethat it is happening, like heart transplant surgery or a bone marrowtransplant. As Blessed Pope John Paul II said in his encyclical Dominum et

Vivificantem (On the Holy Spirit in the Life of the Church)

"For we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himselfintercedes for us with sighs too deep for words."282 Therefore, the Holy Spiritnot only enables us to pray, but guides us "from within" in prayer: he is

present in our prayer and gives it a divine dimension.283 Thus "he whosearches the hearts of men knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because theSpirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."

The Holy Spirit himself is the relationship of the Father and the Son. Hetherefore is the one who is our relationship with each person in communion

with them. He is the Spirit of friendship, of communion, of belonging, offamily love. We ought to desire that the spirit of our relationships, which mayoften even in good and holy friendships still have elements of need,gratification, egoism, greed, vanity, impurity, and pride, be replaced with theHoly Spirit who is the relationship Spirit. What moves and motivates your

friendships with others? What is the reason and purpose? The Holy Spiritpurifies our relationships. It is truly only in Him that we have gracedfriendships with others.

GRACED FRIENDSHIPS WITH ALL

Once we reorient our graced friendships with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,we begin to have holy friendships with those around us. The amazing thingabout Gods plan is that whatever we missed in our childhood he brings to usin his providence to restoration and healing. I find this happens so frequentlythat it seems it almost a spiritual maxim of Gods providence: Gods goodness

will not permit us to remain in isolation as emotional orphans but bringdifferent people into our lives to reveal the mystery of his gratuitous love.

A graced friendship is a relationship that is based on grace, upon living arelationship in the way that is pleasing to God. It is truly amazing the powerthat graced friendship has in healing us. Again, let us be clear that it is firstly arelationship with God in frequent reception of the Sacraments and prayer, andthen relating with all his friends.

ALMSGIVING

Almsgiving is a sincere and free gift of self to ones neighbor. This is theheart of graced friendship. It is loving and being loved. Giving the gift of ones


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self to the other and receiving the gift of the other person. This also describesthe inmost life of the Trinity. It is what our deepest heart longs for, to love and

be loved. Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, poverty is loneliness andfeeling unloved. Give alms of love, and St Peter tells us in his first letter, Byobedience to the truth you have purified yourselves for a genuine love of your

brothers; therefore, love one another constantly from the heart (1 Peter 1:22).This is the true medicine that heals the heart. Blessed Pope John Paul II said,

Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensiblefor himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does notencounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does notparticipate intimately in it. (Redemptor Hominis, 10)

CHASTITY

Graced friendship is also essential if one is going to live a chaste life. In fact

the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about it,The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how tofollow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has givenhimself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastityis a promise of immortality.

Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one's neighbor. Whether itdevelops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents agreat good for all. It leads to spiritual communion. (CCC 2347)

You could say another word for chastity is friendship. Friendship with God in

your body and the ordered friendship with all the friends God gives you.

There is a need that our friendships remain chaste. All too often, even inCatholic circles, friendships go south, go sour, when a persons

woundedness or neediness propels them to relate inordinately in friendships,causing unhealthy attachments or exclusivity, and may lead them to sin,shipwrecking the very reason God brought that person into their life to begin

with. If a person is aware of their wounds leading them toward a sinful orinordinate tendency with a friend, especially when they notice the origin oftheir need or wound is a lack of masculine or feminine affirmation, they needto learn how to discipline themselves.

Aquainas pointed out that passions blind the intellect and weaken the will. Assoon as we notice that a particular friendship manifests an disorderedattraction or repulsion, we should be careful to mortify that passion and be

weary of our own judgment about that relationship. That is, we choose not tolisten to ourselves. We lead our heart in this case instead of following it. Weignore our judgment and make the safe assumption that we are nottrustworthy with regard to a particular friendship, humble ourselves so thatGod may grant us light and his grace may bring us back into equilibrium. Onthe other hand, we ought to be careful to not react too rashly to our ownsinfulness lest our disciplined passions react like a child that has been harshly

treated, complaining and whining until we give in.


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OUR LADY

The Virgin Mother of God is a great helper in relationships. She helps us in areal friendship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. She is Our Lady of theMost Holy Trinity, a woman of communion and friendship first with God and

then with all his friends. She teaches us the spirit of communion, of solidarity,of service and of humility.

The principle lesson Our Mother teaches us in relating with others is humility.She humbled herself all day before every creature, not trusting her ownestimation, but always seeking Gods light and his Holy Spirit to be the veryspirit by which she relates with others. May Our Lady help us to heal from ourrelationships by graced friendship.

CLOSING PRAYER - Magnificat

My soul glorifies the Lord,my spirit rejoices in God, my Saviour.

He looks on his servant in her lowliness; henceforth allages will call me blessed.

The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy his name!

His mercy is from age to age, on those who fear him.

He puts forth his arm in strength and scatters the proud-

hearted.

He casts the mighty from their thrones and raises thelowly.

He fills the starving with good things, sends the rich awayempty.

He protects Israel, his servant, remembering his mercy,

the mercy promised to our fathers, to Abraham and hissons for ever.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the HolySpirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be,

world without end.

Amen.

pure in heart talk: overview of the theology of the body and each person's need for communion

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