profile guidelines 2019 - adoption information services

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1840 Old Norcross Road, Suite 400, Lawrenceville, GA 30044 Phone: (770) 339-7236 Fax: (770) 456-5961

Email: [email protected] www.adoptioninfosvcs.com

Profile Guidelines General Guidelines: A “Profile” is the potential adoptive parents’ marketing tool. It depicts your lifestyle through personal photos and text that are combined in a book format. The book is then shared with expectant mother who are making adoption plans for their children. This book is known by several names in the adoption community including “birth mother letter” or “lifestyle presentation.” The agency and attorney sources AIS refers to will accept profiles that follow our basic guidelines in place of a birth mother letter. Although AIS has some standard sections we like for you to include in your profile, creativity and individuality in creating your profile are keys to being selected. Consider what you would want to know about a family’s lifestyle if you were in an expectant mother.

Text: Expectant mothers are usually between the ages of 18 and 30 (although birthmothers may be younger or older.), who may or may not have finished high school or beyond. For this reason, you should keep the language simple. The text should be casual and conversational, as if you are talking to the birth mother as you would a friend. Be as authentic and real as you can be and do not pretend to be someone you are not. Your personality needs to come out in the profile to show your uniqueness. Use descriptive language that paints a picture in the expectant mother’s mind of what it will be like for her child to be a part of your family. Even if the text is not written by the two of you together, it should read as if it is. The birth mother needs to see that both of you really want to adopt her baby.

Photos: The text is important, and our staff critiques it carefully, but the photos are worth a

thousand words. The photos will be the birth mother’s first impression of you, and from that she will determine her level of interest in reading your text and continuing to consider you. AIS assists you in carefully selecting appropriate photos for the presentation. A profile generally includes 40-50 photos along with the text.

Do’s Don’ts’s Photos no more than 3 yrs. old Wedding photos “Action”/interactive photos Photos with sunglasses Fun/unique photos Photos with alcohol Clear & bright photos Overdo selfie shots Close up photos Graduation photos Clean backgrounds Religious photos

Book: We recommend the 8.5” x 11” or 8” x 8” size for ease of mailing and fitting into an agency’s

filing system. We suggest a consistent background color throughout your profile or for each section; it should be a color that you like, but that would be tasteful to most anyone. We do not recommend using “baby” colors like pastel pink and baby blue. The photos should be incorporated with the text. Computer programs such as iPhoto, PowerPoint or Publisher can

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be used to create a profile, but most families use online sources like Shutterfly.com. If you have the skills to create the profile yourself, we encourage you to do so. AIS offers design services (via Shutterfly.com) for an additional fee for anyone who needs assistance. We will always review your photos, text and overall profile design and offer our advice for improvements at no additional cost.

Basic Sections: Your profile will include the following key sections to provide adequate information for the birth mother to feel a connection to you and feel confident in choosing you to be the parents for her baby.

Hello About Us Individual sections (About Spouse 1/Spouse2 or About Me if single) Home & Community Family Closing

The following worksheets will guide you through developing these sections and any additional optional sections that may apply to you. Process Begin by sending your login information to AIS if you are using an online source. It is most efficient if we can log in directly to view your photos and book. If this is not feasible, please communicate with AIS on how you will be sharing your photos and book for review.

1) Photo Review – Upload your photos and let AIS know they are ready for review. We will suggest which photos we like best and what photos you might need to add.

2) Text review – Write the text for each section in a Word document. Email your text to AIS when it is complete. If you don’t have a lot in a section, it is OK to send it in. We will provide you prompts to expand the section.

3) Create your book – Incorporate your photos and text into a layout in the program you have selected. Let AIS know when you are ready for a first review.

4) Final review – When all changes have been made and you are ready to order, let AIS know and we will give it a final look through.

5) Order – Once a final review is done, order 2-3 copies to make certain you are satisfied with the way they have printed. You do not have to have more on hand than 2 or 3. If you are satisfied order 1 or 2 more. Keep a book with you and send one to AIS. Do not let your supply get to 0. You may order a combination of hard and soft copies if you like, however, hard copies will present better.

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Profile Worksheet Page 0 - Cover Page Your cover photo needs to be of excellent quality. The photo on the front of your profile should be taken outdoors. It should be a crisp, clear, bright photo that is not too far away but yet not too close up. You should be dressed casually and appear relaxed and happy in the photo. We also prefer that you are not wearing sunglasses in the cover photo. If you already have a child or children, the first photo should only include you and your spouse to emphasize your loving relationship and to show that you have room in your hearts and home for another child. The front cover should only have your first names in the order you appear in your cover photo. Use an attractive, easy-to-read font. Ideas:

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Page 1 Introduction This page should have a good clear photo of you or possibly you and your child if you only have one. Just like the cover photo you should appear casual, relaxed and happy. Try to select a photo that is different in appearance from the cover photo. Begin with a generic greeting that could apply no matter who is reading the letter -- i.e.: “Hello, we are John and Jane.” We do not recommend using “Dear Birth Mother” or “Dear Birth Parent(s)”. You will continue by thanking the birth mother for considering you as the parents for her child. Let her know that you respect her choice to give life to her baby and acknowledge her care and concern in providing the best future for her child through adoption. If you or your family has already been touched by adoption, then you should mention it here. If you or a family member were adopted, or if someone close to you has ever been a birth parent, or if you have already adopted a child or children, then share that with the birth mother. Mentioning such a connection can help the birth mother realize that you have a special understanding of adoption and this will make her more comfortable. You need to make it clear to the birth mother that you care about her and her wellbeing. You also need to help her build confidence in her decision to make an adoption plan by acknowledging positively the important, courageous decisions she is making. Don’t use negative terms like difficult, heart-wrenching, self-sacrificial, etc. She already knows how difficult it will be to carry her plan through. Your profile needs to maintain a positive tone throughout. When you are talking to the expectant mother directly, refer to the baby as hers because he/she still is. When you talk about your plans for a baby/child, refer to the baby in a variety of ways -- i.e.: the child, your child (meaning the birth mother’s child), a baby, him/her, a son or daughter. Ideas:

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Page 2 & 3 About Us or About Me In this section, demonstrate through words and photos what your day-to-day life is all about. This is so important because it is through this section that the birth mother can realize things about you that she can relate to and identify with. Assure her of your stability in terms of finances and being able to provide many opportunities for her child. Mostly she wants to know you can provide a fun life for her child. Talk about and show through photos your fun, shared activities. If you are married, this section should include how you met and how long you have been together. You will also briefly explain why you are pursuing adoption. Do not go into great details regarding the challenges you have faced, but rather help her to understand how adoption is not a last resort but rather a positive next step to realizing your dreams of becoming parents or expanding your family. Never say, “We cannot have children of our own.” The children we adopt were not born to us, but they do become our own. Continue by telling about hobbies and interests you enjoy together as a couple. Include photos that show a variety of activities such as travel, sports and outdoor recreation, as well as day-to-day domestic activities such as working in the yard, walking the dog, or cooking together. If you have a child or children already, you should introduce him/her/them in this section. It is important for you to tell the birth mother why you want to adopt another child. If you have previously adopted, you should relay a part of that story and tell how adoption has already greatly enriched your family. If your other child or children came to you through birth, you need to help the birth mother understand that her child will be loved unconditionally for who he/she is and as much as if he/she was born to you. The concern of the birth mother is that the child she places with you will always be unfairly compared with your biological child. It’s difficult for the birth mother to see that you can love them the same. Ideas:

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Individual Sections This is the only section that should be written in first-person. Each spouse will write about the other’s personality, talents, hobbies and interests. Adjectives to describe your spouse are nice, but little stories about your spouse make your profile more unique and much more interesting. Try to avoid comments like “my wife is my best friend” or “my husband is my rock” as they are overused and do not offer the birth mother a tangible understanding of his or her personality. It is okay to mention your careers, but you must assure the birth mother that her child’s needs will always be your priority. She needs to know that you have the flexibility in your jobs to allow you to be active parents in the life of her child. If one of you plans to be a stay-at-home parent, then definitely mention it in this section. Stay away from talking about your degrees or education as that can sometimes be intimidating to a birth mother and she may feel that she or her child may not “measure up” to you and your standards. If you are not yet parents, then talk about what each of you hope to share with a child and what you look forward to about being parents. Talk about times you have shared with nieces, nephews or friends’ children to demonstrate your parenting abilities. If you are already parents, then talk about what you enjoy doing now with your child and how you look forward to sharing similar activities with another child. Your child will also have his/her own section. only use photos of you and your child at his/her current age Ideas:

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Kids section [Optional] This section will about the child(ren) you already have. For 1 child this section should be two pages, for more than 1 child no more than 4 pages for this section. We want the focus of the book to continue to be about you. Too many pages on children can give the feeling that your home is already “full”. Photos of children should be no more than a year old. Always chose photos that show your child(ren) as a big brother(s)/sister(s). Include photos of your child doing his/her favorite hobbies and interacting with other children. Tell the birth mother how her child will benefit from the love and support of a sibling. Write about their personalities and things they like to do. You can include a note from them if they are old enough to write or their responses to questions such as “what will you teach your new baby brother or sister?”, “what do big brothers/sisters do?” or a quote he/she has said about having a sibling or even a picture he/she has drawn that includes the new family member. Ideas:

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Family section This section should be two pages and never more than four pages. Choose the smallest number of photos to best represent your family. If you have a large family, choose photos of the people who will be most present and important in the life of your child. If your parents are already grandparents, it is nice to include a photo of the grandparents interacting with a grandchild. Group shots enable you to encompass the most people, but we prefer that the photo not be taken around a dinner table or reflect a specific holiday. Our favorite family photos tend to be the ones that are candid, casual shots of fun times had at a family vacation or reunion event. In your text always refer to your family members by their relationship to you rather than using their names to avoid the birth mother becoming confused. Remember you and your spouse are the most important. You should also talk about holiday traditions, especially if you observe them in a unique way. You can also talk about any other traditions your family may have (i.e. reunions, summer trips etc.). Ideas:

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Home & Community Include a photo of the front of your home from the street, preferably on a sunny day. Be sure your car is not in the driveway and your garage door is closed. Interior photos of your home are not usually included unless you live in an apartment, townhome or condo. In the text you will talk generically about the benefits of where you live. At the very least, you need to share what state you live in. It will give the birth mother peace of mind to know what part of the country her child will live in. It is always appreciated when a family feels comfortable enough to share what major metropolitan city they live near, such as Atlanta. Include photos of your back yard, swimming pool in your neighborhood, and/or a nearby park or playground. We prefer to see these items in use, such as showing your back yard with friends having a cookout or showing children swimming in the pool or playing on the playground. Talk about and show how “child-friendly” your neighborhood is. Families will sometimes include a very brief line or two in the home section regarding their community of faith. However, you want to be careful how you present it. You don’t want to offend the birth mother or make her feel as if you are trying to convert her or have her feel judged by anything you say here. Do not overuse “God language” as a birth mother may not understand or may misinterpret God as judgment. Many birth mothers want a spiritual family, but her interpretation of what that means can be somewhat broad. If you are Christian, we suggest that you do not mention your denomination. If you are Jewish, we suggest that you talk generically about your beliefs, faith and traditions. If you do not belong to an organized religion, then you will want to share the values that will make you a good parent, such as commitment to family and community, honesty, hard work and acceptance of others. Ideas:

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Pets [optional] You may also choose to include your pets in the home and community section, or they may have a separate section. Either is fine. Photos of pets should show that they are good with children and are non-threatening. If you have a big dog or a breed that is sometimes associated with aggression, then it is imperative that you show your dog being gentle with a child. Ideas:

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Special Section(s) ___________________________ You can include a special section or sections on something that is fun and unique to you. This is an optional section. Examples: Travel (keep child friendly and talk about sharing with a child) Favorite Place(s) Traditions (if not in your family section) Unique hobbies or careers “top ten” lists “parenting philosophy” in a fun way – i.e. We believe in splashing in mud puddles, making mud pies, etc. or In this House we…eat dessert first, chose kindness, etc. Ideas:

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Photo Gallery (optional) This section often includes nice quality photos that didn’t fit into other sections. If you feel the photo gallery adds to your story, then you may include it, but be careful of adding to it if it will make you books seem overly long. Also be sure your photo gallery isn’t heavy on one particular type of photo, such as all family or friends. It should include a nice variety of photos just like your other sections. Photos should also have captions underneath and in a smaller font size than your regular text. Ideas:

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In closing The final profile photo will include the adoptive parents-to-be. If you already have a child or children, he/she/they will be included in the final photo. The photo should be casual and have a “goodbye” feel to it. We often see sunset photos used in this section. Through the text you need to again build the birth mother’s confidence in her decision to place her baby for adoption. This is your opportunity to remind the birth mother how grateful you are to her for considering you as the family for her child. Your sentiments should be sincere and heartfelt. Some families will end with a promise to the birth mother summarizing what they have to offer to her child. Some will offer their willingness to meet with her or talk with her by telephone to give her peace in her decision. She wants to know she will not be forgotten and that you ill tell her child about her in a loving and positive way. You will close by signing your names in your own handwriting on each copy of the printed and bound profile. Ideas:

profile guidelines 2019 - adoption information services

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