Sands leads the community in pregnancy and infant loss awareness and support.

Issue 302 Dec/Jan 2011-12

Sands Calendar: page 3

President’s Report page 4

Coordinator’s Report page 5

SANDS News: page 6

Parent Contributions: page 8 Lachlan Isabella

Memorials: page 14 Dillon Patrick Dionysius

Emily Terese Raccanello Brooke Meghan Williams Veronica Margaret Ross Ethan John Carew

Alexandra & Nicholas Tsockallos Madison & Chelsea Williams Levi Charlie Risstrom

Birth Notices: Ainsley Risstrom page 19 Donations: page 20

A Lighter Moment page 22

Memorial Services: page 23

Sands News

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THE STORY OF SANDS Sands came into being in 1983 when a small group of parents gathered in each others lounge rooms to support one another after they had experienced the death of their babies. From those humble beginnings Sands has expanded to a staffed office with a number of different support services.

Listener ServiceTrained volunteer bereaved parents are on call 24/7 to provide a listening ear. The Sands 1800 number is available for parents who live outside the Brisbane metropolitan area. The numbers for listeners can be accessed by calling the Sands office.

Regional ContactsContacts for different areas of Queensland and Northern New South Wales are in the back of the newsletter. The contacts may be bereaved parents or caring health care professionals.

Support MeetingsParents often find comfort and a feeling of normality when talking with other bereaved parents. The shared experience can help to alleviate the sense of isolation that is sometimes felt by parents.

LibraryThe Sands library contains a range of books that cover topics relevant to bereaved parents. A library catalogue can be obtained by contacting the Sands office. The books are available by dropping into the office or they can be mailed out. We ask that if you are able, to provide stamps when you return the books if they have been mailed to you. You are required to become a member to access the library facilities.

NewsletterThe newsletter is an important communication tool for parents, families and health care professionals. It is a forum for support, is printed monthly and members contributions are very welcome.

Booklets and PamphletsA comprehensive range of booklets and pamphlets are available relating to all facets of grief and loss relating to the death of a baby. They are relevant to parents, families, friends and health care professionals.

Web siteThe Sands web site is an electronic means of providing and obtaining support. The information is available 24/7 and bereaved parents can contact the Sands office from the web site.

Email SupportSome parents may find ringing a support person or attending a support meeting very confronting and the

anonymity of email can be a useful to obtain support and information.

Sands LogoThe Jigsaw Baby is the Sands Logo. It represents the struggle parents and families have fitting the pieces of their lives together again – one piece is always missing.

Sands MembershipAll parents who contact Sands will receive three complimentary issues of the newsletter after which a letter will be sent offering membership. Yearly membership is $30 but in case of financial difficulty, a smaller membership fee will be acceptable. When membership falls due, a reminder will be sent. A membership form is included in the newsletter. There are two classifications of membership:Ordinary: includes bereaved parents and familiesAssociate: non-bereaved people including professional and community individuals who have an interest in Sands.

SANDS (QLD) INC. OFFICE SANDS House, 505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm, Brisbane POSTAL ADDRESS PO Box 934, New Farm QLD 4005

TELEPHONE (07) 3254 3422PHONE SUPPORT LINE: 13 000 SANDS (13 000 72637)FAX (07) 3358 2533

EMAILNicky: admin@sandsqld.com(generaloffice)Kath: coordinator@sandsqld.com (support and management)Newsletter submission:: newsletter@sandsqld.com

WEBSITE: www.sandsqld.com

MANAGEMENT COMMITTEEContactablethroughtheofficeon32543422 President Bev Homel Vice President Melanie Farris Secretary Nicky Lynch Treasurer Bob Deuble General Fran Boyle Rachel Schilling Janelle Tsockallos Nerissa HealeyCOORDINATOR Kath HarveyOFFICE MANAGER Nicky Lynch

FOR NEW READERS

If you are a newly bereaved parent reading this newsletter for the first time, please rest assured that you are not alone. We hope that you find comfort through the sharing of articles and parent stories.Please call one of our parent listeners, who are bereaved parents. Alternatively email SANDS – admin@sandsqld.com

SANDS Suppor t

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Name Phone Meetings

Ayr Andrea 4783 4324 Phone Andrea for the next meeting date.

Brisbane Nicky / Kath (in SANDS Office)

3254 3422 All Brisbane support meetings held at SANDS House, 505 Bowen Tce, New Farm. NO RSVP required. Coffee Morning: Thursday 1st December at 10am Night Support: Wednesday 28th December at 7pm January 2012: Night Support: Wednesday 25th January at 7pm

Cairns Nerissa Kelly

4098 3089 4033 7917

All Cairns support meetings held at Manoora Community Centre, Cnr Marchant and Murray Streets, Manoora. NO RSVP required. 2nd Sunday of every month, 10 am – 12pm Coffee Morning: 11th December

Caloundra Anne 5491 2469 Caloundra meetings held at Caloundra Community Centre 78 Buderim St, Currimundi Coffee Morning: 19th December, 12.30pm – 2.30pm Please note: RSVP is preferred.

Gympie Nikki 5405 9989 Phone Nikki for the next meeting date.

Innisfail Gaylene 4067 2641 Phone Gaylene for the next meeting date.

Ipswich / Browns Plains/ Pullenvale

Chris 5465 8800 or 0423 405 415

Phone Chris for the next meeting date.

MacKay Julie 4959 3781 Phone Julie for the next meeting date.

Narrangba / Burpengary

Kaylene 0414 824 496 Phone Kaylene for the next meeting date.

Nambour Emma 5476 3063 Phone Emma for the next meeting date.

Sunshine Coast Susan 5412 1249 or 0450 361 104

Phone Susan for the next meeting date.

Townsville Marie Work hrs: 4775 5957 After hrs: 4774 6521

All Townsville support meetings held at 143 Ross River Road, Mundingburra. Coffee Group: 18th December at 10 am Night Support Meeting: 13th December at 7.30 pm NO RSVP necessary January Coffee Group – 15th January at 10 am

Toowoomba Anna Jen

4659 7511 4696 5896

The Toowoomba Coffee group meets at the Chocolate Cottage, Highfields at 9.30 am. Look for the table with the red heart. Toowoomba SANDS parents meet on the 2nd Friday of each month (apart from December and January). Please note: RSVP is necessary

Gold Coast Debbie 0430 347 773 or 5607 0834

Phone Debbie for the next meeting date.

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President’s ReportIt’s that time of year again. The weather is getting warmer and more humid, the storms are upon us and in Brisbane the jacarandas and tipuanas are in bloom creating carpets of purple and gold on the footpaths and streets. Soon they’ll be joined by the poinceanas with their brilliant red. The soft warm dark of early summer evenings is scented and the full force of summer is not yet upon us. What is nearly upon us though, just around the corner, is Christmas. Never an easy time for people who are grieving, its particularly poignant for someone who has lost a baby. Newly bereaved parents see pregnant women and babies everywhere, at any time of year, but coming up to Christmas it’s even worse because a birth is at the centre of the celebration. Even if you are not a Christian believer you cannot avoid images of protective Joseph with baby Jesus in Mary’s arms - just what you’d dreamt for yourselves and your dream has been shattered. No wonder I’ve heard parents say they want to cancel Christmas this year, and be alone, just the two of them, with memories of their babe.

If you can’t or don’t want to “cancel” Christmas, there are ways of making a special place for your baby in this season - a special decoration for the tree, an extra candle kept burning, gifts of toys to a charity so some child’s Christmas will be more exciting. If you can, try to attend a SANDS Christmas service, (check details in the newsletter), or plan a visit to your child’s grave or a special place where you remember your baby.

Families can be difficult and if you know that your family will find it hard to hear your baby’s name and talk about the missing little in the family circle then prepare yourselves for the pain this can cause and try to limit the time in which you have to be amongst family members who don’t acknowledge your grief. When you are alone, with your partner, or with family and friends who understand, maybe you can open up and share how much you feel your loss this time of year, how much you would have loved to buy your baby a “Baby’s first Christmas” bib, or a Santa’s elf onesie! At times like that tears can be very therapeutic. I hope that you have the opportunity to shed some when you need to.

The Brisbane office will be officially closed from Monday 19th December and will reopen Monday 16th January. Staff will be regularly checking emails and telephone messages during the break. There will be an evening support meeting in Brisbane on Wednesday December 28.

This week we’ve welcomed two new staff members, Debra Bath and Linda Male who will be working part time in the Brisbane office to prepare our listeners for the new 13000 number, a new roster and their new phones! They will also be developing a set of new resources and protocols for listeners and telling hospitals more about SANDS listeners and our services. Their work is funded from the SANDS Australia Commonwealth grant and it really is helping us to build up the listener phone network.

My next newsletter message will be in 2012 - it’s hard to believe. When I think back on the year in SANDS I want to dedicate this report to the babies I have come to know in the meetings I have facilitated this year and to their parents who have shared their stories with me. It’s been an honour.

Bev

Sands News

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Coordinator’s ReportDear friends

Someone has turned on Summer! Every year it surprises me (when it shouldn’t). The heat, the humidity – I’d never thought I would welcome storm season every year. At least our gardens will be green for a few months!

The holiday / Christmas season is fast approaching, and while others are thinking of winding down and having time off, as SANDS parents we know that our work won’t take a break. SANDS support services will continue over the Christmas New Year period as usual. Parent Supporters are available throughout the holiday period on 13 000SANDS. The office in Brisbane will be closed from 16 December – 16 January so the staff can recover from yet another busy year. Even though the office will be shut, phone messages will be cleared during this time and resource packs will be sent to parents. We are having a special Christmas roster for the support line so support will be available.

It is increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that Christmas is less than a few weeks away, and as the day gets closer, the panic may begin to build. If this is your first Christmas since the death of your baby you may be asking yourself these questions:

How can we possibly think of hanging tinsel on a tree?How can we dream of writing Christmas cards to friends and relatives we rarely see?How will we ever get our minds around going out to the shops, let alone preparing to spend Christmas day with huge extended family?

Parents often find that the lead-up to Christmas, as with other special days like birthdays, is worse than facing the day itself. So if this is your first Christmas please be assured that a few plans put in place now, plus some understanding friends, will help you get through. Check out our tips for surviving Christmas page.

A few weeks ago ABC’s Australian Story focused on the story of Kristina Keneally (former Premier NSW) and the stillbirth of her daughter Caroline. If you didn’t watch the show you can view it at:http://www.abc.net.au/austory/specials/somethingaboutme/default.htm

Kristina tells the story of how during their 20 week scan she and her husband were given the terrible news that their daughter Caroline had a medical condition and would not survive birth.

Jayde, our newsletter editor for the past year and a bit, has decided to step down from this position. I would like to thank Jayde for her many hours of service. Many of you have commented to me that the newsletters have been impressive over the past year! Thank you Jayde. The 2nd newsletter editor is Miriam and she has just told us that she is pregnant! So we are looking for someone to help Miriam.

So what’s involved in developing the newsletter? Nicky and I prepare all the articles, so the newsletter editor pulls all the information together and formats it. Currently we use Indesign computer program. If you can help please contact us at the office.

Wishing everyone a happy and safe Christmas break.Kath and Nicky

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• Look after yourself and your partner before you think of anyone else

• Don’t feel that you have to attend every single event you are invited to

• Be aware of possible altered levels of energy – grief is hard work, and you may need extra rest

• Don’t worry about what other people think of you – what they think is none of their business. The reality is that most people think of themselves far more than they think of anyone else

• If you don’t want to attend the big family Christmas – don’t. Make your own tradition. Consider going away for Christmas if you can’t bear the thought of relatives asking how you are

• You can buy a present at the age your baby would be and donate the present to a charity for a child in need

• Decorate a candle to be lit on Christmas Day

• Make a Christmas wreath, especially for your baby, perhaps in the shape of their initial

• Shopping centres and all the commercialism can make Christmas very hard, so you could try and avoid them if you find it too painful.

• Be prepared that putting up a tree with decorations will be extremely difficult. Maybe set aside time to do this as a family

• Try to find very good friends to spend time with, where you can really be safe and you can be yourself

Christmas is Here

Yes, Christmas is here,But my heart holds no cheer

Our tree’s all aglow with beautiful lightsBut look into my heart, not even a flicker

From the radio flows a cheerful song, Yet my broken heart cannot hum along.

Santa is in the mall is shouting, “Ho Ho, Ho”While in my heart I’m shouting, “Why, Why, Why?”

My dear sweet baby has come and gone,Yet the Christmas season just goes on and on

Barbara DanielsLifted from SANDS Vic Newsletter

December 1995

Surviving Christmas

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We are going to prepare a slideshow of images / text to play at the Service. For those of you who would like to be involved in this part of the service please email details of your baby/babies you would like to have included.

You can include as many, or as few of the following:1) A photo of your baby2) Their name3) Their birth / anniversary dates

Alternatively if you would like your family name along with an image of a butterfly, dove or flower included in the slideshow, please just let us know.

Brisbane Christmas ServiceSunday 11th December

An invitation is extended to all Sands members, friends and family to

attend the annual Christmas Service to be held at Merthyr Uniting Church New Farm on Sunday 11 December.

The Christmas Service will commence at 1.00 pm and will be followed by afternoon tea. Please bring a plate of food to share.

A tradition with the Christmas service is to place an unwrapped gift (for the age your baby would be) under the Christmas tree if you wish. The gifts will then be donated to a charity to help another child at

Christmas.

Parent Contributions

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IsabellaOn Christmas day 2010 my life changed forever.The lead up to Christmas is filled with happy memories. I was in my eighth month & felt fantastic. I considered myself very lucky to be enjoying all the benefits of being pregnant & looked forward to every day with shiny hair, glowing skin & a beautiful baby bump that made me feel very proud.I spent December relaxing, Christmas/ baby shopping & catching up with friends, many of whom were also expecting. It was an exciting time & I was filled with the desire to love & nurture the baby girl I had always wanted.

On December 23rd I had an appointment with my obstetrician. I was looking forward to telling her how well I was feeling & seeing my baby on ultrasound. As I sat in the waiting room I thought for the first time that I hadn’t felt my baby move as much today. I always did kick counts morning & night & from week 20 had felt lots of movements after drinks & meals. This time I had just had lunch & the movements were less. My appointment went well & I mentioned that there were fewer movements today. I was told it was because the baby didn’t have as much room to move around & that the warm weather can sometimes make them sleepy. I had a quick ultrasound & felt reassured. Now came our big discussion about my placenta praevia. I had been warned at my 20 week scan that my placenta was very low. We had hoped it would move up & away as the pregnancy progressed, unfortunately this ultrasound was confirming it was now major placenta praevia.

We quickly discussed dates for a C section & I was told I would need to meet the anaesthetist to discuss the general anaesthetic as an epidural would not be allowed in case there was a haemorrhage. I was left feeling a little nervous. I had been taken by surprise. I remember my last thought as I shakily headed for the door was that this was the first appointment that we hadn’t used the Doppler. I had an overwhelming feeling to hear the heart beat. I stopped to ask & then thought of all the women in the Doctor’s waiting room & the fact that my Doctor was already running late. I didn’t want to be greedy with her time, after all we had done an ultrasound & all was well. I am 8 months now, what could possibly go wrong?

I shared the news with my partner that evening as well as a few tears about the C section. Even though I was scared it was still such a positive time in our lives that I didn’t want to be negative. It wasn’t long before we were listing & joking about the positives of a C section. It was a bonus that we would know our baby’s birth date beforehand & of course meet our little girl sooner than either of us had thought. We decided that it would be our secret & that friends & family could still have the surprise of the birth date & gender.

Christmas EveI woke feeling happy & even more excited about our baby’s arrival date, not long now until she would be here. The tears of the previous night were like a distant memory. Why do things always seem worse at night? I was feeling a little silly about it all now. I was going to meet my baby in 4-5 weeks time, what could be better? I loved her so much already. I practically skipped through the city buying last minute gifts & enjoying the energy as people rushed by in a whirl of Christmas songs & decorations. As we walked along the floating walkway I told my baby that next year we would all be enjoying her 1st Christmas together. It was one of the happiest moments of my life,

Parent Contributions

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I never imagined it would be the last time we would walk it together.(It was washed away in the floods a few weeks later).

The evening of Christmas Eve was spent making wholemeal lasagne so that I would have a healthy option for Christmas day. A friend came to visit & we exchanged gifts & watched funny Christmas movies. Life was good but I still had a little nagging feeling that the movements were less. I mentioned it to my partner who immediately asked if I wanted to go to hospital. I said no. I was sure I was just being a nervous first time Mother; of course there was less room to move around & after all that skipping through the city she had probably been rocked to sleep. As my friend & I laughed at a Christmas comedy my baby bump moved quite noticeably, we had both seen it & laughed at how funny it looked. My friend knew I had been concerned and reassuringly said, “I don’t think you have to worry anymore”. I went to bed happy after being further reassured by counting 10 more beautiful movements before falling asleep.

Christmas DayWe woke early & decided to go for a walk by the river before breakfast. My partner showered while I started my morning ritual of counting the kicks. At first there was nothing so I decided to have a glass of cold water & began to count again, still nothing.

By this stage my partner asked me why I wasn’t getting ready. I told him I was counting the kicks but I couldn’t feel any movement yet. When I look back I think how naive we had both been. We still didn’t think that anything serious was wrong but we agreed that we both needed the reassurance of an ultrasound. I phoned the hospital & explained our dilemma to the midwife. She was lovely & reassured me that at this late stage babies’ movements can slow but that if we are concerned we should go in for a quick scan. We agreed & within a few minutes headed towards the car. As we wound our way through Brisbane’s empty streets we joked that this probably wasn’t the best day to time our journey.

When we arrived at the hospital everyone was lovely & we were taken into a room with a midwife called Janine. We chatted about our plans for the rest of the day as she moved the Doppler around trying to find a heartbeat. I told her that I had placenta previa & that the baby was breech thinking that this would help her locate it easier. She suggested that an ultrasound might be better & went to find a Doctor to do it. As I lay on the bed waiting my partner was happily chatting, completely oblivious to the fact that the sounds we had heard were not my baby’s heartbeat. I began to feel a heavy sensation over my chest as I began to realize what was happening. I didn’t want to alarm Davide but as I listened to him I felt an overwhelming need to prepare him for what was possibly about to unfold. All I could do was whisper, “I don’t think that’s good”. “Nothing can happen at this stage?” he asked just as the Doctor walked in.

Introductions were made as the gel was applied & the ultrasound machine was tuned towards me. I saw my baby’s image on the screen & looked away. As silence filled the room I waited, gathering the courage to look at the Doctor. Those seconds felt like a lifetime. When I finally turned to face her I saw tears in her eyes as she shook her head & I knew, All at once a heavy weight began pressing down on my chest & the screaming in my head started. I couldn’t speak any words but all I was thinking was, don’t say it, please don’t say it, until you say those words I can still dream that all our dreams can still come true. Then I heard the words, “I’m so sorry”.

I couldn’t look at Davide. I felt so much shame that I wasn’t able to give him a healthy child. I knew he would be devastated & sometime later when our eyes did meet his face was white & I knew he had gone into shock where he would stay for the next 24 hours.

A friend came to the hospital to keep me company while I was prepped for surgery. I couldn’t believe I had been scared about the operation before but here I was going through it all anyway and without the gift of my beautiful baby to look forward to. I felt guilty about having been upset a few days earlier. I would have a hundred C sections now just to have my baby back. I felt I had to stay calm as so many decisions had to be made. The midwife wanted to know how to dress my baby? Whether I would like to see her straight away? I asked the question I would ask again many times over the next few days, “what do people normally do?” I decided I did not want her dressed up & asked for her to be swaddled in a white blanket. I also asked if I could wait until after surgery to make a decision about meeting her. I was scared, and if I’m

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honest I didn’t want an image in my head that would take any of the beauty away from how I had imagined my little girl would be.

The Doctor & anaesthetist ran through the usual warnings & the Doctor promised she would do everything possible to avoid a hysterectomy & then I walked into surgery.I came around to a terrible pain which felt like I had woken up during surgery. I remember calling out & hearing voices, a few seconds later the pain had completely gone & my eyes were open.I was told my baby had been born at 12.46; she had the umbilical cord wrapped loosely once around her neck. The placenta had come away easily and there had been no complications and no hysterectomy. As I processed the information I looked up & saw the midwife walking towards me with a white bundle in her arms. I couldn’t understand the image but I also couldn’t look away. It felt like a dream until she started speaking. All I heard was Sara; I know you wanted to wait until you met her but this baby is so beautiful that I know you will regret it if you don’t meet her straight away & she handed her to me. There was no hesitation & when I looked at her I couldn’t believe how big & healthy she looked all beautiful soft skin and curly black hair. I immediately felt that unconditional love that Mothers talk about. I felt proud to be her Mother as the tears ran down my cheeks the realization of the tragedy & loss I had just experienced overwhelmed me & a now all too familiar weight pressed firmly on my chest.

My heart was broken & I somehow knew I would never be the same again.

Parent Contributions

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Lachlan Alan Shaw Born sleeping 27/09/2011

On Thursday 22/09/2011 I had an ultrasound to see how Lachlan was, I was 28 weeks pregnant and my ob/gyn just wanted to give me a couple of extra scans because I have a thyroid problem so I was going to have one then and another at 36 weeks, just to be on the safe side.

Everything was perfect. My mum and my 16 yr old sister and 14 yr old brother were there with me as my husband works up in central QLD. We were all so excited and happy, the sonographer and all of us were so happy and joking around, she said it was nice to have done a really “boring” scan, and that everything was perfect. He looked exactly like his gorgeous big brother. The funny thing is, at the end when the sonographer was listening to his cord and brain, my 18 month old son, Kaleb, freaked out a bit and had to come up on the bed with me and be touching me before he would calm down. I wonder if there is anything in that?

Fast forward to Monday 26/09/11 and early in the morning I felt Lachlan kicking, he kind of woke me up, but that was normal so I just rolled over and went back to sleep. I got up at 7am, had a shower and got ready to meet my family for lunch. Lachlan was very quiet but I just thought he must be having a rest, he was a very active baby, but my other son Kaleb used to go nuts for one day and then I wouldn’t hear from him for a couple of days, so I thought nothing of it.

At 2pm that day I had a routine check-up with my ob/gyn. I was so confident that everything was ok that it was the only appointment I went to on my own. My ob & I were chatting about this and that and then he said to hop up on the table so he could have a listen and a feel of Lachlan. He couldn’t find a heartbeat. He turned on his ultrasound machine and I couldn’t look at it, so I was looking at his face. He wouldn’t make a very good poker player, his face is so expressive, bless him! I knew then that there was something seriously wrong. I called my mum, she raced up to be with me and dad came and took Kaleb for me. My ob wanted to send us just down the road from his office for a clearer scan, so my mum & I went down there to wait until someone could see us. The sad thing is, they led us into a “crying room” and I cried so hard at the fact that they even needed one! How horrendous!

We had the scan, our beautiful Lachlan was gone, his heartbeat was no more. I cried and clutched my mum, screaming WHY??? Why had this happened to us? Why had this happened to my perfect little boy? There was no visible evidence on the scan, and the ob/sonographer who took this scan remembered me from Thursday and was so heartbroken for us, she couldn’t believe it either.

We went back up to the ob/gyn’s office, I was totally catotonic, where he gave me a big hug and was almost in tears himself. He told me what would happen next, I asked lots of questions, I don’t know how I could think of questions, but I did. We had to wait until the next morning for induction so my husband could make it home, I couldn’t even tell him, my heart was breaking so much and I didn’t have the heart to tell my wonderful husband that our baby had died, so my mum had to do it for me. My ob/gyn then gently suggested doing an autopsy so that we could try to find out why this happened, but no answers were guaranteed. I didn’t feel that we would be doing our jobs as parents if we didn’t thoroughly investigate this so I agreed.

On Tuesday 27th of September I checked in to the hospital in Brisbane. Even the reception staff knew

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who we were, they were all so lovely and compassionate. We were ushered into a private room for about 1/2 hour in the main labour ward, but we were never able to see others in labour. Then we were ushered into a special care room set away from the main areas and were given a butterfly on our door, to signal to other staff that this was a special case. We never saw any strangers, just the nurse who was looking after us. If a stranger had to come in, they were introduced to us and we were told why they were there and they were all so lovely. My husband arrived at 10am and by then the tablet had already been inserted to induce our little boy, so it was a big waiting game,.

We met some lovely ladies from pastoral services who prayed with us and for us and told us that they would do a blessing for Lachlan when he was born if that was what we wished. I said yes. They gently explained that if Lachlan was born later that night, they would be in first thing in the morning to see him and bless him. Then we met bereavement services, who sat and talked with us for hours, gave us some extremely helpful booklets written by someone who had been through a stillbirth and was just generally so understanding and compassionate. At all times, my husband, my mother & I were treated with the utmost compassion, dignity and respect. We were never left alone if the nurse could feel we didn’t want to be. She was so wonderful, and the staff cried with us, which just made us feel that we weren’t just a number, they actually cared about us and our little boy. My ob/gyn came in a couple of times, he was so caring and yet so professional, making sure that I was ok and in perfect health and he did a great job.

Finally, at 10.41pm, after a rushed arrival from my ob/gyn who was desperate not to miss it, my little son Lachlan arrived into this world. He was born sleeping. He was so perfect, at 3lbs and 40cms long. They cleaned him up for me, dressed him and wrapped him in the quilt that his grandmother had made for him. I also had his teddy with me, he has one and I have one. We got to hold our little boy for as long as we wanted, the staff took our camera and took photos of us holding him, of his hands and feet and with his teddy and quilt. They made a memory book for us. Before Lachlan was born, we made the decision to say goodbye to our son and then leave him in peace. So this is what we did. But we were always offered a chance to see him and I was told I could stay in the hospital for a few days if needed so we could have him with us. We said goodbye to our little angel, my mother and my husband held him too and told him how much they loved him and kissed him. Then I had one last hold and said goodbye to my perfect little man. He looked just like his brother, only he was a little sleeping doll. So peaceful.

My husbands parents came up the next morning to see us, and bereavement services were there with us, we were offered counselling and cried with them and then I told the lady to find my husbands parents and help them too, all services are extended to all family members as well. They found them chasing Kaleb down the hall and my husbands mother opted to go and see Lachlan, I am so happy she did this, she was able to tell him that they love him and to say goodbye too, I was adamant that they shouldn’t miss out on this.

My husband & I are so grateful that our experience was made a bit more bearable by the hospital staff and our ob/gyn. I have read quite a few horror stories about horrible staff and hospitals and I have to say that we were so blessed by our wonderful experience. We have no regrets about any decisions made and have memories of Lachlan that we can look at anytime. We got casts of his little hands and feet that will be framed too. I thought it would be really difficult to look at photos and his things, but I find it calming and reassuring. My little boy is at peace, and he just looked like he was sleeping.

We laid our son to rest on the 5th of October 2011, in a beautiful ceremony at the Albany Creek Memorial Gardens. It was the day after my 28th birthday. The midwives who helped us with Lachlan’s birth were at the funeral as well, we were so grateful to them for coming.

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A week later, we went to pick up his ashes and Lachlan finally came home with us, where he belongs.

I have so many emotions, it’s hard to make sense of them. I Mainly feel like I have left my body and this has happened to someone else, but then something will happen, or someone will say something that sends me crashing to earth and I just shatter. Everyone keeps telling us how strong we are, but I don’t feel strong. I feel so helpless and like my world is ending. I would love nothing more than to hide under the covers but I have to get up every day and look after our son Kaleb with my husband and try to be a normal parent for his sake, but some days its really hard. I share our story in the hope that it will help another mummy or daddy know that they are not alone and unfortunately this is something that a lot of other parents experience, and it breaks my heart to think that there might be someone else out there feeling the way we do. I would never wish this upon anyone.

“You were only here for a moment, but you will hold our hearts forever. We will always love you Lachlan, our little angel baby.”

Memorials

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MemorialsIn Loving Memory of our Precious

Baby Daughter

Emily Terese Raccanello22 December 1999 - 23 December

1999 (38weeks)

Our lives changed forever the day you were born.12 years have passed and the memories of you have not faded.Your little sister and brother will help us celebrate your special day. Happy Birthday Sweetheartand Merry Christmas tooMay God and all his Christmas Angelstake good care of you. Never forgottenfrom Mum, Dad, Sophie (10) and Adam (7)

Dillon Patrick Dionysius17th December 1995

Time continues on as the days and years unfold without you We look forward to the day when we will be together once againFor in heaven you are and to heaven we will comeBirthday wishes and kisses we send to youThis day and always.

Forever in our hearts...Mum, Dad, Jared & Lachlan

Memorials

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Memorials

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Veronica Margaret RossBorn sleeping 10/12/2009

Wishing our precious girl a happy 2nd heavenly birthday. 2 years have passed but not a day has gone by without thinking of you, wondering what you would be like and missing getting to know you. I’m sure you would now be a fun loving 2 year old - looking after your little sister Victoria and playing with your puppies, Spock and Scarlet. We will send you balloons, have some cake and light a candle and hope that you are doing the same with all your angel friends (except lighting a candle as you’re to young for that!). Lots of LoveMummy, Daddy and Victoria xxx

Ethan John Carew 21/10/08

Dear Ethan,

You would have turned 3 this year, and we have missed you every single day,. Every day all I want is to be able to hug you close.

I wish you could have met your baby brother Cohen, he looks just like you. Charlize talks to you all the time and hopes that you received the balloons we let go for you on your birthday. I miss you and love you so very much my little angel.

Love Mummy

Memorials

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Happy 7th BirthdayAlexandra and Nicholas Tsockallos

Born 22.01.2005

To our precious Alexandra and Nicholas

Words cannot describe how much you are loved and missed.We send you all our love on your 7th birthday.

You were with us for such a short time yet you have touched our lives forever.All that we love dearly becomes a part of us.

Love always from your Daddy and Mummy

Dear Ally and Nicky Happy 7th birthday.

I will make you a chocolate cake and I will decorate your cake with smarties and chocolate sprinkles. I’m going to blow out your candles.

I will send you a pink balloon and a blue balloon and an extra balloon to say I love you.Love from your little sister

Anastasia xxx

Memorials

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Madison & Chelsea Williams

Dear Madison and ChelseaMy two little angel friends, growing more with each year that passes.

It’s your birthday time and this year I picture you both surrounded by all things pink and lilac, looking taller and even more beautiful.

My heart is filled with happy thoughts of you both as I see you playing and having fun with lots of cheeky smiles and laughter.

You aren’t here with us, but continue to live in our hearts, very much missed and always loved.

Lots of love‘Aunty’ Karen

Madison & Chelsea Williams

Went to play in heaven on January 23, 2007Another year has gone and birthday time is hereFor our two little angels who are always near.

We hope you are both having lots of funCatching butterflies and blowing bubbles in the sun.

Jumping, skipping and dancing aroundDrawing beautiful pictures in the clouds

Happy 5th birthday Madison and Chelsea

With lots of love, hugs and kisses everydayAunty Tracey and Uncle Greg

Memorials

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Levi Charlie Risstrom

8/11/10 – 20/11/10We never had the chance to play, to

laugh, to rock, to wiggle We long to hold you, touch you now, and

listen to your giggle. She’ll always be your mother, and I’ll

always be your Dad, You will always be our child - the child

we never had.

But now you’re gone ... but yet you’re here. We sense you everywhere,

You are our sorrow and our joy. There’s love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong, that we’ll forget you never,

The child we had, but never had - and yet will have forever.

Happy 1st Birthday

Lots of Love Mum & Dad xx

Mark and Elissa Would like to announce the birth

ofAinsley Harper

Risstrom10/11/2011

Levi would be so proud of you and will always be by your side holding your hand every step of the way. xx

Birth Notice

SANDS General

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Donations

Donations have been gratefully received in loving memory of

Emily Louise Richardson

Brooke Meghan Williams

Jack Humphry

George Humphry

SANDS General

21

Make these beautiful treats as Christmas food gifts for friends and family, or give into temptation and keep them for yourself!

White ChristmasIngredients

500g white chocolate melts 1 1/2 cups rice bubbles 100g red glace cherries, halved 160g almonds, roasted, halved 160g sultanas 1 cup (90g) desiccated coconut 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Method

Line a 30cm x 20cm (base) baking pan with baking paper. Melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water (don’t let bowl touch water). Fold in the remaining ingredients. Pour mixture into the prepared pan, pressing down with a large metal spoon. Refrigerate for 4 hours or until set.

Turn slice onto a chopping board. Using a knife that has been dipped in hot water, cut into squares. Serve.

Chocolate Rum BallsIngredients

1/4 cup (50g) chopped raisins 1/4 cup (60ml) dark rum 3/4 cup (65g) desiccated coconut 2 cups (about 300g) chocolate cake crumbs 1/4 cup (60ml) sweetened condensed milk Chocolate sprinkles, to coat

Method

Combine the raisins and 1 tablespoon of the rum in a small saucepan over low heat. Bring to a simmer. Remove from heat and set aside for 5 minutes to macerate.

Place the raisin mixture, remaining rum, coconut, cake crumbs and condensed milk in a medium bowl and stir until well combined.

Line an oven tray with baking paper. Roll tablespoonfuls of mixture into balls and place on the lined tray.

Place the chocolate sprinkles on a plate. Roll each rum ball in sprinkles to coat. Place in an airtight container and store in the fridge.

Recipes

A Lighter Moment

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SANDS now has a dedicated email address for all newsletter submissions.newsletter@sandsqld.com

Please note that this email address is manned by volunteers and is not checked daily. For any urgent queries, please contact Kath or Nicky directly.

“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.”Dave Barry

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’”Dave Barry

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”Phyllis Diller

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”Joan Rivers.

“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.”

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”Johnny Carson.

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”Bernard Manning.

“A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.”Jay Leno.

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”Shirley Temple

“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”Tom Armstrong

“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?”Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

“Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.”P. J. O’Rourke

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.”Victor Borge

“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”P.J. O’Rourke.

“Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.”Helen Steiner Rice

Christmas Cheer

Memorial Ser vices

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Many hospitals throughout Queensland hold non-denominational memorial services in memory of all babies born before 20 weeks gestation. Parents, families, friends and staff are welcome to these services.

Redcliffe - Caboolture Hospital Memorial ServiceMemorial services are held on the 3rd Wednesday bi-monthly at 4.00pm in the Caboolture Hospital Chapel. The service includes the placement of ashes of the babies cremated from both hospitals, in the memorial garden.For further information please contact: The Hospital on 5433 8888

Ipswich Hospital Memorial ServiceMemorial services are held on the last Wednesday of each month at 2.00pm under the Poinciana Tree in the Hospital grounds near Court Street. Ashes of the babies cremated from the hospital will be placed in the memorial garden.For further information please contact: The Ipswich General Hospital on (07) 3810 1111 and ask for the Social Work Department or Chaplaincy

Mackay Base Hospital/CHEC ServicesThe Mackay Base Hospital/CHEC Services conducts Memorial Services for those who have died (including babies) in connection with the Mackay Base Hospital. Invitations are sent out to those families but anyone is welcome to attend. They are held every two months (the even months) at 7.00pm on a weekday night.For further information please contact: Brenda Sheumack, CHEC Services (07) 4968 6024or Shirley Worland, Hospital Social Worker on (07) 4968 6000

Redland Hospital Memorial ServiceAt 10.00 am on the last Saturday in February, May, August and November each year a Memorial Service is held in the Hospital Chapel. An integral part of the Service is the placement of baby ashes in the Hospital Memorial Garden. Individual services are offered at other times according to request.For any enquiries please contact the Chaplain (07) 3488 3111.

Mater Mother’s Hospital (South Brisbane)Miscarriage Memorial Services are held on the second Wednesday of the month at 4.00pm in the Mater Children’s Chapel on level 3. Ashes of the babies cremated from the hospital will be placed in a specially reserved Memorial Garden which is located off site at Newhaven Memorial Park: 21 Quinns Hill Rd; Stapylton. For further information regarding the Memorial Service please contact the Mater Mother’s Pastoral Care Team on (07) 3163 6729. For information regarding cremation and the interment of the babies ashes in the Memorial Park please contact Newhaven Funerals on (07) 3807 4444.

Royal Brisbane and Women’s HospitalMemorial Services are held on the second Thursday by-

monthly (January, March,May, July, Sept, Nov) at 2.00pm in the hospital chapel (Ground Floor, Ned Hanlon Build-ing). During the services you will be able to light a candle in memory of your baby. This candle is yours to take home. There is a Memorial Book available for you to add a page if you wish. You might like to bring a poem or a drawing. The Memorial Book is available during the service and at other times by appointment.For further information please contact: Iris Carden (Hos-pital Chaplain) on (07) 3636 8404 or (07) 3636 8111

Gold Coast Hospital Memorial ServicesMemorial services are held every two months on the last Tuesday of the month, commencing at 4.00pm.For further information please contact Julie at Metropoli-tan Funerals on (07) 3263 5044

Nambour HospitalMemorial services will be held on the second Tuesday of the months of January, April, July and October. 11:30am in the hospital chapel. Refreshments after Parents, family and friends are invited to attend. Enquiries to the Chaplaincy Department 54706573

Rockhampton Base HospitalA special space has been developed at the Rockhampton Memorial Gardens to honour babies who die before 20 weeks of pregnancy. This is a community facility open to all parents, family and friends. Three services of remembrance will be conducted in 2010. The services will commence at 12.30pm. The Memorial Garden is located on Lakes Creek Road. For further information please contact one of the Chaplains or social workers on 07 4920 6211. Friday January 22nd 2010 Friday May 21st 2010 Friday September 17th 2010

Townsville SANDS/SIDS Memorial ServicesThe SANDS and SIDS groups in Townsville in co-op-eration with The Townsville Health Service District and The Mater Hospitals hold memorial services in Anderson Park (Thomas Street end, opposite the Mater Hospital on Fulham Rd). Mothers Day Memorial - 12 May 2012 @ 5.30pmChristmas Memorial - 26 November 2011 @ 6pmFor further information please contact: Marie on (07) 4774 6521(ah) or (07)4775 5957 (w)

Toowoomba SANDS Rock of Remembrance Memorial Service.Services are conducted at the Garden of Remembrance Ruthven St South, Toowoomba and are held February, June, October , on the last Friday of the month at 2pm. The service includes the placement of babies’ ashes at the Rock. Family and friends are invited to take part in the service.Phone Karen Hinrichsen 4635 4866 / Loretta Callaghan 041189776

Membership

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Sands Contac ts

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Regional AreasWhere possible, regional Contacts are bereaved parents. If not, then they are professionals who may be able to put you in contact with a bereaved parent in your area. If there are no contacts near you, ring 1800 228 655, please leave a message and the listener will return your call as soon as possible. If you cannot contact a listener, please ring the Sands office. Regardless of where you are in Queensland or Northern New South Wales, you can receive the newsletter, borrow from the library, and use our web page.

Ayr Julianne 07 4783 2885Biloela Sandy (07) 4992 1462Bundaberg Michelle/Rod (07) 4151 2599 Cairns/Tableland Nerissa (07) 4098 3089 Kelly (07) 4033 7917Charters Towers Diana (07) 4787 7338Clifton/Millmerran/Pittsworth Helen (07) 4695 3123Denman/Muswellbrook Tanya (02) 6547 9284Jimboomba Karen (07) 5547 8431Longreach Jenny (07) 4658 9227Mackay Julie (07) 4959 3781Miles Emma (07) 4628 5629Mt Isa Sharon (07) 4743 4449Rockhampton Karen (07) 4936 1329 Linda (07) 4927 4960Sunshine Coast Anne (07) 5491 2469 Melissa (07) 5441 3456Tambo Jenny (07) 4654 6266Toowoomba Jen (07) 4696 5896 Anna (07) 4659 7511Townsville Marie AH (07)4774 6521 BH (07)4775 5957 Warwick Norma (07) 4661 9590Winton Joyce (07) 4657 2700

If you are interested in supporting other parents in your area, please contact the office on 07 3254 3422 to talk about the role you might like to take on.

Listeners

SANDS (Qld) Listeners are volunteer bereaved SANDS parents who have experienced the death of their baby and have had support training. If you are having a bad day, or just want to chat to someone who has been there, please give them a call. The parents are on call 24 hours/7 days, however they are volunteers, so if you reach an answering machine, please leave a message so they can get back to you as soon as they are able. If you need to talk to someone urgently please ring one of the other listeners on roster or SANDS office.

Brisbane & Suburbs

To contact a Listener within Brisbane and surrounding suburbs please ring the SANDS Office on (07) 3254 3422.Please have a pen and paper handy as you will receive a recorded message giving the names and phone numbers of Listeners who are currently on roster to take your call. Messages can be left on the office line (# 1), however please do not leave messages on the Listener’s line (# 2).

1800 228 655

The 1800 228 655 number is a free call number that SANDS has available for parents outside the Brisbane area. The number is diverted from the SANDS office to the telephone number of one of our volunteer Listeners. The 1800 number is never answered in our office.

Listener Service

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The Sands WISH LISTREMINDER: The next newsletter edition will be February. Submissions will be due by January 16th.

EARLY PREGNANCY LOSS - SPECIAL EDITION - MARCH 2012If you would like to write your story, or have any other contributions, please send them to newsletter@sandsqld.com