Professional Event Planners

As well as the funeral, holding a memorial event such as a wake, farewell party, or celebration of life when a loved one dies, can be a wonderful way to pay tribute to them. More often than not, this will usually involve impromptu sandwiches and a cup of tea back at a relations house or maybe something stronger down the pub. For those who wish for something a bit more grand however, (and have a budget to cover it), there is a growing market for events companies to diversify from just weddings, or corporate functions, to cover funerals as well.

Using an event planner can assist you with as little or as much of the planning as you wish. From organising a venue or marquee, to sorting the food, drinks, flowers and music, for a price, they can create a truly special, unique and bespoke farewell, however small and subtle or large and unusual. If you think arranging a fitting farewell for a loved one, following their death will be too over-whelming, then an “event planner” could be the way to go.

Planning your own funeral may seem morbid but it’s actually a thoughtful and organised exercise that will save your next-of-kin a whole lot of trouble. And it allows you to put your stamp on the ceremony, personalising it so that your farewell will reflect your best qualities.

Event planner Jennifer Muldowney has just published Say Farewell Your Way: A Funeral Planning Guide for Ireland. Working mainly on weddings and parties, she suffered a number of bereavements, including those of friends, in a period of six months.

“It was a bit of an eye-opener for me because, for the first time, I realised that death doesn’t discriminate. The trauma of losing friends made me realise that I could go tomorrow. My event planning brain kicked in and I started thinking logistically.

“With a wedding, you have a year or two to plan it. People throw a lot of money at weddings. With an unplanned funeral, you have only two or three days to turn it around for someone you loved. You’re trying to deal with your emotions as well as practicalities such as finances.”

Given that the average cost of a funeral is €4,500, it’s a good idea to make provision for your send-off.

Funeral wishesAccording to a recent survey, two-thirds of those taking part had never thought about their wishes for their funerals. One in 10 of the 1,000 people surveyed by Empathy Research had made some arrangements.

Of 35-44 year olds, 67 per cent of them would pre-plan their funerals if there was the option to do so. Some 59 per cent had no idea about leaving a digital legacy.

There are a number of pre-planning options. You can have a pre-paid plan with a funeral home or have a pre-paid plan with a trust. You can put your own wishes down on paper and entrust them to your next-of-kin or you can do a pre-plan with an independent funeral planner.

A pre-paid funeral plan gives you the opportunity to pay for your funeral before you die. The advantages are that you pre-pay for the funeral home’s

fees at today’s prices. By pre-paying, you remove the burden of costs from your family.

Some funeral homes ask you to set up a separate financial account for payment of the funeral costs, dictating to the bank what the account is for and nominating the funeral home as the recipient of the funds on your death.

These companies will place your money in a trust where your funds are managed to achieve long-term growth.

If you choose to be “waked”, with a vigil held beside your remains, you don’t have to hire an embalmer although it is more hygienic. “It’s not a legal requirement. However, the body will leak fluids so it needs to be in a very cool room. The body is washed and dressed.

Officially inviting people to your funeral is very un-Irish but, says Muldowney, she dealt with a woman who was adamant that she wanted control of the guest list.

“There are some people who feel they don’t want every Tom, Dick and Harry showing up at their funeral and the reception afterwards. Also, you might want to control the guest list because of a feud in the family. It’s a way of keeping the peace. I heard of one family who held two separate ceremonies for the one bereavement.”

Church musicAt a church funeral, there are limits as to what music can be played. “I think it’s a massive issue that the Catholic Church is going to have to overcome if it wants to hold onto people. You should go through with the priest what readings and music you want. If you want something a little outlandish, I’d recommend discussing it with the priest. Personally, I want It’s Raining Mensung at my funeral.”

Writing one’s own eulogy “might seem a bit narcissistic. But my advice is to plan your eulogy and put your personality on it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t guarantee that it will be read out. You just have to hope that your loved ones respect your wishes.”

While Muldowney’s funeral plan is for her corpse to be cremated, she says some people “are horrified at the thought of a body burning”. But cremation is more environmentally friendly than digging burial plots. However, some of the people you leave behind may want a physical location or place of remembrance to visit. If you are going to be cremated, it’s a good idea to have some of your ashes buried or placed in a vase or urn that’s kept at home.

Thanks to technology, you can now live beyond death as a digital persona. Photographs, videos, tweets, emails and blogs can have significant value for your loved ones after you have gone.

You can nominate someone to alert Facebook to the fact that you’ve passed away via a “Memorialisation Request”.

Your profile will be frozen to act as a memorial page where your friends and family can leave thoughts and memories. Only friends from the pre-death account are able to view the page.

You can personalise your funeral by requesting that keepsakes are given to those who attend it. The American writer, director and producer, Nora Ephron, planned her own funeral which took place in July 2012.

She asked for a recipe from each of her cookbooks to be included in the memorial service booklet given to the 800 attendees at her funeral.

Say Farewell Your Way: A Funeral Planning Guide for Ireland by Jennifer Muldowney is published by Oaktree Press. oaktresspress.com.

Funeral Ceremony - Religious or Non-Religious?

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Depending on your religious beliefs, the funeral ceremony can take many different formats. There are no legal requirements for the form a funeral/memorial ceremony must take, and so once the death certificate and registration have taken place, it's up to you to decide how to mark the committal and where. The majority of people in the UK still use a religious minister to conduct the funeral at the crematorium or burial ground, but increasingly so, secular/civil celebrants, or even family members are leading the way to some very personal and fitting farewells.

What type of Ceremony should you choose?

Each funeral should be unique, and there are many elements that can be included to remember the person who has died, such as allowing the mourners to express their grief, giving consolation to the mourners if this forms part of their beliefs or faith, and of course remembering and celebrating the life of the person who has died.

Many people find a ceremony that is established and familiar from their faith and/or cultural tradition extremely helpful and comforting. The deceased may have left instructions for the content of their funeral in their will or in an Advance Funeral Wishes document, so it is important to look for this information.

Talk to your funeral director who should help create the right ceremony for you. A good funeral director will be aware of all the issues such as timing and other practicalities that you need to bear in mind. They will also be aware of what is possible at your chosen venue, for example how many people can be

accommodated, and whether there is an organist or whether recorded music can be played.

Religious Ceremonies

With so many religions practicing in the UK, it is usually easy for a funeral director to find the most appropriate faith leader and arrange the funeral with them. Make sure you tell the funeral director of any specific needs as not everyone is familiar with all the different denominations and variations of practice within the different faiths.

Most ministers will be familiar with issues of time and the practicalities of the funeral, but the funeral director will guide them as well as you about these matters.

If you are having hymns or religious readings, you can ask to see the actual text that will be spoken as there may be different translations/versions. Many hymns can be sung to different tunes, but the funeral director or minister of religion will be able to advise you. Many ministers will agree to incorporate a personal element into a funeral, such as recorded music or a non-religious reading. A period of silence as well as formal prayers may also be appropriate.

Non-Religious Secular Ceremonies

A growing number of people are finding that a non-religious / secular ceremony is an appropriate choice for them to make. These ceremonies are still conducted by professionally trained “celebrants”, but focus purely on the celebration of the life of the person concerned. They can still include a favourite hymn and/or prayer if desired (Civil), or no religious content at all (Humanist).

Civil Funerals

Civil Funeral Celebrants conduct non-religious ceremonies but more often, include some religious practice, i.e. a hymn and/or prayer. This type of ceremony reflects a rapidly increasing number of people whom wish to have a beautiful, unique and dignified funeral but do not support a wholly religious or wholly non-religious ceremony.

The ceremonies encompass the needs of the family involved by using various methods, including; Poetry, Special Music, Hymns, Prayers, Personalised Eulogy, The Lighting of Candles or Placing of Flowers, other speakers, readings or anything else appropriate to them.

The Celebrant can conduct the whole Ceremony, but also warmly encourages others to take part if they so wish. Civil funeral celebrants belong to the Institute of Civil Funerals and a list of them and their contact details can be found on the institute's website.

The Institute of Civil Funerals, Suite 1, High Oak House, Collett Road, Ware, Hertfordshire SG12 7LYTel: 01920 898156 Email: info@iocf.org.ukWebsite: http://www.iocf.org.uk/

Humanist Funerals

The British Humanist Association offers completely secular ceremonies conducted by their humanist officiants. A Humanist ceremony is increasingly common, and is one with no religious content at all. It can be more appropriate for those who neither lived according to religious principles, nor accepted religious views of life or death.

A Humanist Funeral or memorial ceremony recognises no ‘after-life’, but instead uniquely and affectionately celebrates the life of the person who has died. Proper tribute is paid to them, to the life they lived, the connections they made and have left behind, and as with “traditional” funerals, friends, relatives and acquaintances can express their feelings and share their memories.

BHA, 1 Gower Street, London, WC1E 6HDTel: 020 7079 3580 Email: info@humanism.org.uk Website: www.humanism.org.uk

Alternatively, in some areas, individual freelance celebrants, from either a religious or

secular background, offer to conduct bespoke ceremonies. They advertise with funeral directors or in the press and some families may know of them by word of mouth.

You can also find a selection of celebrants at www.independentcelebrants.com

DIY Funeral

Alternatively just do it yourself. The www.naturaldeath.org.uk is a wonderful charity full of advice of what you need to do if this is the path you choose. Or if you can follow this link if you would like to see a recent video diary from a lady called Wendii Miller, covering the diy burial of her mother.

Coffins

The Oxford English Dictionary describes a coffin as - “box in which corpse is buried or cremated”. Not exactly very inspiring. Yes your average coffin is basically that, but over the past few years, the scope and variety of coffin choice has increased dramatically.

Although the “traditional” style wooden or wood veneer coffin is still at present the norm, people's desire for something different, individual and more environmentally friendly, is having a big effect on the market place, with most funeral directors now having to offer a much wider range. Coffins made from

wood, wicker, wool, cardboard, palm leaf or bamboo are just some of the options. Most still have to be bought through a funeral director, but some can be bought direct from the manufacturers, and even delivered in 24hrs! Why not build your own if it takes your fancy.

Below, we have sourced some of the choices that are available, ranging from cheap (under a hundred pounds), to expensive (several thousand). Remember, don't limit yourself to just the options that the funeral director has. You can have whatever coffin you want – it's your funeral!

Traditional Coffins

Solid wood or chipboard veneer?

Cremation Coffins

The simpler the better (for the environment at least)

Cardboard Coffins

Sturdy, cheap, environmentally friendly, and available in just about any colour or pattern you can think of.

Contemporary Eco Coffins

Well designed with the environment in mind

Wicker / Felt / Wool / Bamboo / Other

Natural products, hand made and beautifully finished

Cool Coffins

Something different from the norm - a selection of stylish, individual and bespoke options.

DIY / Flatpack Coffins

Cheap and cheerful or grand-design - dust off the tools and get creative.

Custom Design Coffins

Bespoke and unique - let your imagination go

Shrouds

Simple or ornate - they're all you really need.

Body Bags

Not just for the emergency services - a cheap alternative

Coffin Covers

Keeping up appearances - whilst keeping costs down.

Options for Ashes

Cremation ashes once collected can be kept, buried or dispersed in numerous ways – it's not an easy decision to make and one that may take weeks, even months to come to. Burying or scattering all the ashes can be such a final farewell, that many people are unable to do it, leaving the bereaved unable to carry out their loved-one’s final wish and often exacerbating their pain with guilt.

Fortunately, there are plenty of options available (see below) to help you make the right decision. As the average cremation ends up with 2-3kg of ash, many people choose to do more than one option – some disperse or bury most of the ashes, but keep some back as a keepsake in either a mini-urn or incorporated in jewelry. By looking at some of the options below, it can eliminate the finality and resulting emptiness of losing someone close, enabling multiple memorials to be made for distribution amongst family or friends if desired, whilst allowing the bereaved to lay the deceased to rest in their chosen place.

Browse through the following pages, and hopefully you'll find something inspiring

and personal for you.

Keeping the Ashes

Standard urns/custom urns, paintings/pencils, glass jewellery/diamond jewellery...which one or ones of these will you choose for keeping all or just some of a loved one's ashes close to you?

Check out our

sponsored link with www.phoenix-diamonds.com and get a £125 discount voucher towards your first Memorial Diamond.

Dispersing the Ashes

Gardens of remembrance are just one option - there are numerous things you can do and places you can do it, to make it far more personal and memorable.

Keepsakes and Memorial Gifts

Funeral Information | Keepsakes and Memorial Gifts

A keepsake is something kept, or given, in memory of somebody. It really can be anything, a photograph, jewellery, an ornament or even a lock of hair (a bit macabre, but very popular in Victorian times). There are numerous websites that sell keepsakes, some are very beautiful and some are very garish, some are amazing, and others are out of this world (literally). We have pulled out a few for ideas and inspiration for you, but really your imagination is the only limit here, keepsakes after all, can be anything that reminds you of someone else.

Memorial Jewellery

<p>Memorial jewellery as with all these options can take many forms, and be made from a variety of materials. Some pieces are made to conceal a small picture, a lock of hair or a small amount of cremation ash, whilst others many use a fingerprint, hand,or footprint impression, to make it unique to the person being remembered. Whether personalised jewelery to wear, or even bespoke hand crafted jewellery boxes for you to keep your keepsakes in - lots of choice - lots of ideas.

www.eternalkeepsakes.co.uk

www.cremationjewelleryonline.co.uk

www.tinytreasuresgifts.co.uk (Making memories to keep close to you)

www.urns-online.co.uk (For cremains)

www.foreverclosememorials.co.uk Tel:0118 3481015

Family run concern, offering design and manufacture of unique handcrafted Stained Glass and Memorial Jewellery

containing small amounts of Cremation Ashes. Everlasting memorials for you, or for generations to come.

www.acorn-uk.co.uk (Hand crafted jewellery)

www.ashesintoglass.co.uk (For cremains)

www.silvertreasure.co.uk

www.bespokecraft.com (Handmade keepsake/jewellery boxes)

Losing A Loved One

Whatever the circumstances; whatever their age; losing a family member, or loved one, is really painful. Here at Jewellery Memories we offer memorials to try and give you some tiny part of them to keep with you at this difficult time. We can use pictures, a lock or hair, finger, hand, or foot prints, or a tiny amount of their ashes to create a unique piece for you. Please click on the links below for more information. Then when you are ready to order just give us a call on 01438 880936, or download one of the order forms and post or email it to us at info@jewellery-memories.com

DNA Art

DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid) – is a double stranded nucleic acid that contains the genetic information for cell growth, division and function - its what makes you you, and everyone's is unique. Having been studied by genetic scientists for many years now, it was only very recently however, that anyone considered the unique artistic beauty of the samples being viewed, and considered the practicalities of using those images as art on enlarged canvases. Since then, DNA art has taken off, and is now sold all around the world, to individuals, companies and galleries.

The images created can be finished in almost any colour, printed on canvas, perspex or even metal; be small or big, incorporate the unique DNA image of just one individual, a couple, or even a family, and be a truly ever lasting keepsake and heirloom (as well as just looking amazing on your wall). One DNA

art company has also diversified into offering “kiss” and “fingerprint” wall art too.

DNA art is not particularly cheap, but neither is it overly expensive, for what is a totally individual, artistic piece of you or a loved one. The only issue seems to be that from a legal perspective, you can only use somebodies DNA with their consent, so unless a pre-signed consent document can be produced, this option is only really available to those still with us.

www.dna11.com

www.dna-art.co.uk

Tributue DVD's

Whether it's a compilation of still photographs, maybe set to music, or incorporated with a personal message from your loved one, family or friends, tribute DVD's can be a great keepsake for those left behind. Using all sorts of media, from old black & white photos to modern digitally recorded footage, a mini documentary of a life can be constructed, sometimes to show at the funeral, or just as a lasting memory for future generations.

www.making-memories.co.uk

www.sppv.co.uk

www.remember-me-always.co.uk (DVD's and memorial books)

www.sentiment-ltd.co.uk

Candles - Memorial / Bereavement / Remembrance

For hundreds of years, candles have been used at vigils, chapels of rest, funerals and crematoriums to symbolise everlasting life. Personalised memorial candles have been designed and created to be lit at home, or at the funeral or celebration of life services, as part of a unique tribute of saying farewell to someone who has died. If lit at the funeral, the candles can then be given to the family to take home where they can be lit on special days of remembrance and continue to give comfort. Candles can be personalised with words, a poem or even a picture, and kept for yourself, or sent as a sympathy gift.

www.candles-by-laurence.com (Personalised memorial candles)

www.keepsakekreations.co.uk

Click the banner link below for memorial candles by Celt Myth

Memorial Website

Moving on from the DVD format, a memorial website can be a great way to pay tribute to your loved ones. It is more creative than a standard obituary, and is a great way of sharing memories photos, videos, and celebrating the lives of those who sadly are no longer with us. An on-line memorial can be as unique as the person it is about, can be as simple or complex as you like, and will potentially be everlasting. It can be updated daily with your thoughts and feelings or just left alone, shared with everyone or be restricted to just a few.

You can either create a site for yourself from scratch, or for the vast majority who are not so computer literate, the websites below make it easy for you to create a personal on-line tribute. Some are free and some charge a small fee – see if one is right for you.

www.muchloved.com

www.gonetoosoon.org

Memory Books & other Personalised Photo Gifts

Besides using cherished pictures in DVD slide shows or web memorials, one of the more old fashioned ways (but with a modern twist) are professional memory books. By telling a story, celebrating an event or remembering the past, a unique personalised book can make a timeless and beautiful keepsake. What would have cost a small fortune a few years ago, a few specialist companies with the help of modern technology, can now print one off professionally bound books both quickly and relatively inexpensively.

www.sentiment-ltd.co.uk (professionally produced life books)

Why stop at a book though. The sites below also offer to produce any photo you wish onto numerous other items too. Copying photos to canvas is just the start, how about, puzzles, cups, coasters, duvet covers, calenders, bags, aprons – even wall paper! Now obviously this will not be to everyones cup of tea, but the options and applications are quite mind boggling. If you can bring yourself to it, you really could have a lot of fun here, as well as capturing some really great picture memories for posterity.

www.bagsoflove.co.uk

www.photobox.co.uk

www.bonusprint.co.uk

www.fotobook.co.uk

Memory Bears

A memory bear is a keepsake made from precious clothing. It can then be used as a comforting reminder of the person whose clothes have been used, such as a loved one who has died. They are fairly unknown in the UK, but in the US they are often made for children who have lost a parent, so they can still feel close to them by hugging the memory bear made from an old favourite shirt for example.

www.milliesmemorybears.co.uk (Individual & unique - made to order)

Memory Quilts

Quilts, just like the bears, are made from old clothing that still has a meaning to you – clothes that you can't bring yourself to, or just don't want to throw away. Again they can be made for any reason, but as a keepsake of a lost loved one, they can be a great comfort. Check out the link below for Teresa Bells wonderful memory patchwork quilts.

www.memorypatchwork.co.uk

Memorial Planting

Many people like to remember a loved one by planting a “special” tree or shrub, in a remembrance garden either at home and/or if they were cremated, at the crematorium. With flowering shrubs, it can be particularly comforting if whichever plant chosen comes into flower at the same time of year that the person died, or on their birthday.

Obviously you can visit your local garden centre in person or buy on-line and choose from a vast array of plants and trees, big and small.

www.jacksonsnurseries.co.uk

www.cottage-garden-plants.co.uk

www.treesdirect.co.uk

Alternatively, there are some companies on the web, which can provide that extra personal touch by stocking roses that have yet to be named. For a small fee you can then choose any name you wish providing it is not already been registered. These can then be delivered direct to your door, or someone else's if it's a gift.

www.rosenames.co.uk

www.name-your-own-rose.co.uk

Name a Star

To remember someone close to you, one of the many unique ways to remember them, is to name a star in their honour. Naming a shining star in the heavens is an inspirational gift, that can perfectly express your feelings, last forever, and ensure that the person you have named it after will never be forgotten.

There are apparently around 100,000 million stars in the Milky Way galaxy, and only about 16 million of those have been catagorised. The rest it would appear are available to be named by you for yourself, or for someone else. In our context, it could be the ultimate permanent keepsake that could outlast and outshine all the others. For the price of a nice bouquet of flowers, you could have a star named after you or a loved one, receive a gift pack with certificate of registration and astronomical chart showing where it is with corresponding co-ordinates – I wonder which would last longer?

www.starlistings.co.uk

www.starregistry.co.uk

Personalising Funerals - More Options and Ideas

Funeral Information | Personalising Funerals - More Options and Ideas

Whether using a local undertaker to organise the funeral, or even taking on the whole task yourself, there are numerous options/alternatives for personalising some of the “smaller” details concerned. Whether choosing a different mode of transport to the traditional hearse, having the whole thing captured on camera, releasing biodegradable balloons, fireworks, personalised coffin flags or service sheets, as well as what music to have – there are (as you may have gathered by now), many more options than you first may of thought. Check out some of the options below.

Funeral Transport

Don't restrict yourself to what the Funeral Director has - there are many options avaialble.

Bespoke Funeral Stationery

Personalised and delivered to your door in just 48hrs.

Funeral Flowers

Big and bold, or sensitively subtle?

Funeral Music

Whether a classic or classical, the right music can make the funeral even more memorable.

Cardboard Cutouts - Life Sized and Personalised

Just an idea, but some people do it.

Balloon Release (Bio-degradable)

No strings attached please.

Dove Release

A symbol of peace and love.

Firework Displays

Big bangs for big personalities.

Funeral Photography / DVD

A cherished memory and historic record, whether for yourself, future generations, or family and friends who could not be there.

Coffin Flags and Drapes

Not just for the Armed Forces or public services.

Arranging and Paying for a Funeral

Funeral Information | Arranging and Paying for a Funeral

Organising a funeral can be a traumatic and stressful, not to mention costly affair. Like any forward planning, it is worth considering what sort of funeral you or your relative want and what you wish to happen to your or your loved one's body, if possible before the event happens.

Britain's funeral business is worth £1 billion a year and is currently self regulating but there have been demands that it be more strictly controlled. The growing commercialisation of funerals and the large number of small family firms of funeral directors being taken over by conglomerates has resulted in an increasing number of people considering other options which can offer a more personalised feel, such as those at woodland burial sites.

The other option of course is do it yourself. Historically that is how families used to care for their dead, and there's no law at all to say you can't - see the page below on DIY funerals.

Using a Funeral Director

Using a Funeral Director

Funeral Information | Arranging and Paying for a Funeral | Using a Funeral Director

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Most people choose to entrust the arrangements to a professional funeral director of which there are about 2,500 in this country. The funeral business in Britain is covered by three trade associations, but membership is not compulsory and because the business is unregulated, basically anyone can set up as a funeral director. Friends, family, clergy or your doctor may be able to recommend reputable companies and in this consumer society, the advice of 'shopping around' may seem a difficult one to apply to funerals, but the advice is the same as for any service.

Relatives or friends are probably the most appropriate people to ask to help by ringing around several funeral directors to compare prices and services. The Natural Death Centre, (the educational charity which campaigns on behalf of the public for greater openness in the funeral industry), believe that a good funeral director should be a 'facilitator' - someone who helps the family organise as much of the funeral arrangements as they want to. Increasingly, family members want to be more involved in the arrangements and help in the final rituals.

When choosing a funeral director:

* ask for a detailed description of costs and a price list when getting a quote* when asking for a telephone quote make sure that it is put in writing as well* try and get quotes from more than one company * check whether the funeral director is professionally qualified and holds the diploma in funeral directing (Dip.Ed.)

If you have any doubts, find out if he/she is a member of any of the trade associations and ask if they subscribe to the Funeral Ombudsman Scheme (see below) .

The two main trade associations are:

National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) 618 Warwick Road Solihull West Midlands

B91 1AA Tel: 0121 711 1343 Email: info@nafd.org.uk Website: www.nafd.org.uk Established in 1905, formerly the British Undertakes Association, this was the principal trade association in the funeral profession until the mid 1980's. Its members' Code of Practise is available free.

The Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) SAIF Business Centre 3 Bullfields Sawbridgeworth Hertfordshire CM21 9DB Tel: 01279 726777 Email: info@saif.org.uk Website: www.saif.org.ukEstablished in 1989 with a membership covering over 900 funeral homes, SAIF is the co-ordinating body for smaller, independent, often family firms. SAIF operates a legal helpline for clients - 08705 234500.

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Codes of Practice

Each organisation operates its own code of practice, although none of the codes are currently supported by the Office of Fair Trading (OFT). Each code of practice requires its members to:

* provide information on charging, including displaying a price list on the premises and providing an individual copy * provide a written estimate of the cost of the funeral * offer a basis or simple funeral

The Funeral Ombudsman states in the Funeral Profession Code of Practice that a 'simple, basic funeral' should comprise of;

* Making all necessary funeral arrangements and providing professional advice.* Removal of the deceased to a suitable resting place. * Provision of a simple, veneered coffin and conveyance by hearse direct to a local cemetery or crematorium. * Providing the funeral director and all necessary staff. * All necessary disbursements.

What to do if you are Unhappy with The Funeral

Despite reports of an increase in complaints against undertakers, the office of the Funeral Ombudsman (which offered members of the public unhappy with the service they had received an independent complaints procedure), ceased operation on 30 September 2002.

In its place, it appears that all three main funeral associations have established independent schemes for re-dress which aim to settle disputes by mediation.

The most frequent complaints relate to the cost of the funeral exceeding the estimates, misunderstandings about the disposal of ashes and distress caused by the condition of the body when viewed by relatives after embalming or a post-mortem.

Helpful Books and Organisations

The Dead Good Funerals Book Available from; Welfare State International The Ellers Ulverston, Cumbria LA12 0AA Tel: 01229 581127

The New Natural Death Handbook Available from; The Natural Death Centre 20 Heber RoadLondon NW2 6AA Tel: 020 8208 2853

Association of Burial Authorities 155 Upper Ground London N1 1RA Tel: 020 8288 2522 Fax: 020 8288 2533 Email: aba@swa-pr.co.uk

Cremation Society of Great Britain2nd FloorBrecon House16/16a Albion PlaceMaidstoneKentME14 5DZTel: 01622 688292Email: cremsoc@aol.comWebsite: www.cremation.org.uk

Will tell you your nearest crematorium and publishes a free booklet on 'What You Should Know About Cremation'.

DIY FuneralDIY Funeral

Funeral Information | Arranging and Paying for a Funeral | DIY Funeral

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Why do it yourself?

DIY funerals can be less expensive (by up to £800, according to a Which report) and can also help you come to terms with your loss. Some people feel this is one final thing they can do for their loved one; others value the chance to create a highly personal ceremony.

Doing it yourself can involve smaller elements, such as using relatives as pall-bearers - or doing everything from laying out the body to delivering it to the burial site/crematorium and backfilling the grave.

Although most people are happy to hand funeral arrangements over to a professional, as there are so many other tasks to be performed after a death, there is no legal reason to do so - and while those who do it themselves generally start out with little or no knowledge of what has to be done, it can turn out to be a very rewarding experience.

If you are however thinking of doing it all yourself, you should start with a thorough understanding of how complex a funeral can be. Although you'll probably attend several funerals during your lifetime, actually putting one together is quite a

responsibility.

The Natural Death Handbook (available from The Natural Death Centre, 20 Heber Road, London. NW2 6AA . Tel: 020 8208 2853 or email: contact@naturaldeath.org.uk) is invaluable if you are considering this option.www.naturaldeath.org.uk

Alternatively, to get an idea of one persons experience organising a very simple burial/funeral, follow this link to see a recent video diary from a lady called Wendii Miller, covering the diy burial of her mother.

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Legal Issues

You'll find all your legal obligations in a booklet published by the Department for Work & Pensions. It guides you through the essential steps of getting a medical certificate, registering the death and sorting out property and possessions. To get a free copy, visit your local benefits office or go online:

DWP1027 What to do After a Death in England and Wales

Or for Scotland;

D49S What to do After a Death in Scotland

There are very few regulations covering the disposal of a body within the UK. For now you must undertake either to bury or cremate it, (click here for potential alternatives) and you must have a death certificate signed by a doctor and a

Certificate for Burial or Cremation from the Registrar of Deaths. This last document is very important, and most hospitals and mortuaries will not release the body until they've seen it.

The Essentials

If you're doing it yourself, you'll have to hunt for information that's obvious to professionals. Some undertakers offer advice, for which they charge - but if the burial or cremation is at a local authority cemetery or crematorium, their management can advise you on how to proceed as well.

Either way, there are certain things you'll need to sort out for yourself, such as deciding whether the service is to be at a cemetery, crematorium chapel or other building (not necessarily religious); booking the slot and appointing and briefing an officiant if desired to deliver the service; arranging music and transport for the coffin, mourners and floral tributes; and grave-digging, if necessary. The logistics can be daunting, but the rewards for producing a totally personalised funeral for your loved one can be immense.

How to pay for a funeral

How to pay for a funeral

Funeral Information | Arranging and Paying for a Funeral | How to pay for a funeral

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According to industry figures, funerals on average cost between £2500 - £3000. They can cost more, but of course can also cost much less, but however much it costs, some amount of money will need to be found at the time to pay for disbursements. Our section Funeral Finance Plans looks at one of the options that is prooving quite popular, but there are also different possibilities and potentially money available from the government for those on low incomes who may struggle with such a large one off cost.

The information in the rest of this section is an extract from the Department of Work and Pensions Booklet:

DWP1027 What to do After a Death in England and Wales

Have a look, hopefully you can find what you're looking for, or at least some contacts that can help you with any questions.

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Paying for the funeral

Funerals can be expensive. So remember to check where the money for the funeral will come from before making any arrangements. Otherwise, you may have to pay the bill yourself.

First check whether the person who has died had made any plans to pay for the funeral. The sections below set out some possibilities.

If no one is able or willing to arrange and pay for the funeral, the local council, or in

some cases, the health authority, may pay for the funeral, but only where the funeral has not already been arranged.

If someone has arranged to pay for their own funeral

There may be money available to pay for the funeral from money the person has left behind (assets) or through schemes and pensions that they paid into during their life.

After someone dies, their bank account is ‘frozen’, unless it is a joint account. You may be able to use part of their savings to pay for the funeral. The bank will ask you to provide certain documents, which usually include the death certificate.

You should check the person’s papers for a certificate from the Cremation Society, their life-insurance policy or a funeral plan which has already been paid for. You should also look for letters from their past employers with details about any occupational pension scheme or personal pension.These might cover the cost of the funeral, and also provide other financial support for their surviving husband, wife or civil partner.

If the person was living in hospital or a residential care home, the hospital or home will hand over the person’s belongings (up to a figure fixed by the relevant local authority) to the nearest relative, or to the person who has written permission from whoever is dealing with the will.

Other pensions and payments

There may be pensions or lump sums payable from a trade union, professional body or other association, or from a provident club which pays benefit when a member

dies.

If the person was getting a benefit before they died, there may be some of that benefit still due. When you tell the Department for Work and Pensions about the person’s death, ask them to send you a form which you can use to claim any money owed.

If you are the executor, you will be paid this money. If there is no executor but you are paying for the funeral, you can claim up to the cost of the funeral costs.

Employer's pension schemes or personal pensions

Some employers provide pension schemes through work (occupational pension schemes) that pay a lump sum to help with funeral costs and sometimes pension benefits for a person’s surviving husband, wife or civil partner. You should check to see if the person who died has ever belonged to this sort of scheme. They may have made their own arrangements if they were self-employed, or if their employer did not have an employer’s pension scheme.

If the person was receiving a pension from a previous job, you should find out who is paying it. It might be the employer’s pension scheme or an insurance company. You should tell the representative from that pension scheme about the person’s death, and if the person has a surviving husband, wife or civil partner, dependent child or other dependant, because they may be able to get a pension. If they already receive a pension, they may be able to get more money.

You should find out if there was pension due to be paid when the person retired from a previous employer. If there is a pension, you should check who is responsible for paying it, for example theemployer or an insurance company.

If you have difficulty, you can get help from the Pension Tracing Service.

Phone: 0845 600 2537Textphone: 0845 300 0169 (For people who find it hard to speak or hear clearly)These lines are open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm.Website: www.thepensionservice.gov.uk

Life Insurance Policies

The person who died may have taken out a life insurance policy which pays a lump sum if someone dies before a certain age. The lump sum is usually paid after probate but the insurance company may pay out some money when they have proof that the person has died.

The Cremation Society

If the person who died was a member of the Cremation Society, you may be able to pay reduced cremation fees, or the Cremation Society may pay something towards the cost of the cremation.

Funeral payments from the social fund

If you or your partner are on a low income and have to arrange a funeral, you may get some help with the costs.

This is a one-off, tax-free payment to help cover the necessary costs of a funeral.

The Social Fund can help to pay for a simple, respectful, low-cost funeral. This includes:

• the necessary costs of burial or cremation fees• a new burial plot (if a burial is chosen)• certain other expenses, and• up to £700 for any other funeral expenses like funeral director’s fees, a coffin or flowers.

You must claim within 3 months of the date of the funeral.

You or your partner must get one of the following benefits.

• Income Support• Income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance• Income-related Employment and Support Allowance• Pension Credit• Working Tax Credit which includes a disability or severe disability element• Child Tax Credit at a rate higher than the family element• Housing Benefit• Council Tax Benefit

It must also be reasonable for you or your partner to pay for the funeral.

The circumstances of other relatives of the person who has died may be considered.

Normally the person needs to have been living in the UK when they died and the funeral usually needs to be held in the UK.

If you get a Funeral Payment, you will have to pay this back from any estate of the person who died. Their estate includes money, property and other things that they owned. (Any home that is still lived in by a surviving partner or personal things left to relatives do not form part of the estate.)

To find out more about getting a Funeral Payment, contact Jobcentre Plus by

visitingwww.jobcentreplus.gov.uk or you can find the address and numbers in your local phone book.

When a war pensioner dies

If the person who died was a war pensioner, you may be able to get help with the cost of a simple funeral if they:

• died from the condition that they were receiving a war pension for• died in hospital while having treatment for that condition• were getting war pensioner’s Constant Attendance Allowance at the time of their death, or• were getting a War Disablement Pension assessed at 80% or more and Unemployability Supplement at the time of their death.

You will not have to pay any of the money back from the estate of the person who died.

You must claim within 3 months of the funeral.

To claim you need to contact the Service Personnel and Veterans Agency immediately after the funeral.

Phone: 0800 169 2277Textphone: 0800 169 3458Monday to Thursday 8.15am to 5.15pm,Friday 8.15am to 4.30pm.Website: www.veterans-uk.info

Other help

The hospital may arrange the funeral of someone who dies in hospital if they cannot trace the person’s relatives, or their relatives can’t afford to pay for the funeral. They may make a claim on the person’s estate to pay for the funeral.

Where the person has not died in hospital and there is no-one who can take responsibility for the funeral, the local council has a duty to bury or cremate someone if no other arrangements havebeen made. If they have a reason to think that the person who died did not want to be cremated, they will not arrange a cremation. They may make a claim on the person’s estate to pay for the funeral. Ask your council for more information.

Digital Will / Secure Internet Storage

Funeral Information | Digital Will / Secure Internet Storage

In the olden days (pre internet anyway), death was a relatively simple affair: the physical belongings of the deceased could be carefully sorted through, boxed up, and divided among family and friends to act as a permanent and tangible reminder of a life.

In the digital age however, things are starting to get a bit trickier. As well as the

physical belongings, more and more people now have an entire cyber existence to take care of – Facebook profiles, Twitter accounts, web based photo libraries, personal documents and online financial accounts to name a few. Most of the user names and passwords for these are kept inside people's heads – what happens if they die without telling anyone? It can take months to close down some of these facilities, and obviously, only if you knew they existed in the first place.

With this in mind, a few websites have recently sprung up to specifically deal with this issue. Although they may slightly vary in their format or protocol, their basic objective is the same - for a small subscription fee, they will store all this vital information and even personal messages securely on your behalf, in a kind of “digital will”. When the inevitable happens, the site then automatically emails this information swiftly and directly to nominated people that you have pre-chosen, be that family, friends or a solicitor.

Some people will find the thought of sending preprogrammed “messages from the grave” a bit macabre, but the underlying concept for releasing important information to the right people after your death is very practical.

Site security for potentially important and sensitive information is obviously paramount, with all those listed below insisting they have the best possible web security in place, as well as fail safe measures to make sure they do not send out the information by mistake. Most will need your solicitor and/or two nominated “verifiers”, with a death certificate as proof, before any information can be released.

Some of the sites are also marketed to be very helpful whilst you're still alive. If updated regularly, they can securely keep a record of user names and passwords for your own needs, in case you manage to forget them, or have an accident/illness that renders you unable to recall.

Whether this “solution” is for you or not, the ability to maintain control of your digital footprint will appeal to many. Dealing with your death will be hard enough for those left behind, these sites can potentially give you peace of mind, and provide a practical service at a time when it will be really appreciated.

www.deathswitch.com

www.legacylocker.com

Finally, do remember that a “digital will” does not replace a Last Will and Testament. In the UK, only a Last Will and Testament on paper, signed in ink by appropriate witnesses will be legally recognised. Your “digital will” might mention where your Last Will and Testament is stored, and could even contain a copy of it, but it wouldn't stand up in a court of law.

Eulogies & Poetry

Writing and giving a eulogy, or even reading a poem at a funeral or memorial, is a way of saying farewell to someone who has died which, in a sense brings the person to life in the minds of those present.

For the majority of us, writing and giving a eulogy is something we have no experience of, and therefore we may find it difficult to know where to start. There is no right or wrong way to compose a eulogy; each is as unique as the person giving it and the person it describes. It should however be positive, no more than 5-10 minutes, and if spoken from the heart be memorable and moving for all concerned.

How to Write and Present a Eulogy

Firstly, as you write down all your thoughts and feelings of the deceased, gather as much information from close family and friends, as well as their old acquaintances from work or even school as you can. They will hopefully be able to add to your own memories and stories. Writing a eulogy does not have to be done totally by yourself, getting others to contribute like this, not only helps you, but will make others feel like they are contributing, and may help them with their grieving too.

Looking at old photographs can jog the memory, reliving old times, old places, old achievements. Most eulogies tend to be written in chronological order starting with childhood, and working all the way through the highlights of their life. Some pick one particular theme to follow, whilst others focus on just 3 things that were important to the person in question – family, friends, sports, music, drama, travelling – what were their particular passions?

Concluding the eulogy is just as important as the start and content. If you find yourself struggling, then perhaps a poem (see funeral poems below), famous quote, or lines from a favorite song would be appropriate?

Once you think you've got everything down, then as with any speech, it will need to be reviewed and edited, then practiced and polished, concentrating also on delivery and pace . Being prepared is one of the most effective ways to alleviate any anxiety.

Lastly, don't worry if you become emotional during the eulogy, showing feelings at a very sad time is perfectly normal and healthy. Having somebody designated to continue with the eulogy should you become too overwhelmed however, is always a good idea. Just remember that everyone there will appreciate that you are standing up to speak, and are with you before you even start.

Your eulogy is a loving gift to your fellow mourners, and it will be remembered by many for years to come. By sharing your honest, heart-felt thoughts and memories about your friend or family member who died, you will help to begin the process of healing that lies ahead for the living.

If you need more help writing a Eulogy, then try out www.eulogywriter.com.au for tips and advice.

Alternatively, if you would like to employ the services of a Professional Eulogy Writer:

www.eulogywriter.com.au will also write one for you (approx. £80), or

www.eulogywriters.com who as well as writing personal eulogies, also offer off the shelf (fill in the blank) packs.