pillar 1- creating boundaries, module 3 say no to …€¦ · pillar 1- creating boundaries, module...

PILLAR 1- CREATING BOUNDARIES, MODULE 3 – SAY NO TO NEGATIVITY


CAPSULE 3 – SAY NO TO NEGATIVITY You have heard it before. The negative person. Nobody wants to be around them much less talk to them. They attract negativity, and subconsciously everyone knows this. As a result, these personality types are shunned just like the plague itself. Negativity in goal-setting and dream-making is similarly disturbing. Negativity is a big killer of dreams. Anyone looking to succeed in life must know how to protect themselves against unwanted, negative thoughts originating from within since they usually prevent individuals from reaching out to accept the necessary risk associated with achieving success. What is negative thinking? Think of the old cartoon character, “Glum” on the series, “Gulliver’s Travels,” and you have an excellent summary of the concept. “We’re doomed.” “It’ll never work.” These were his trademark phrases throughout the many episodes. This is a “glass is half empty” rather than “half full” view of life. It is based on selfishness and self-centeredness built into each person regardless the culture. Let’s face it. What is the first word you learned as a baby? “NO.” Why? Your caregiver unknowingly corrected something you did that was unacceptable with a negative redirection. As a baby, you did not know what “NO” was. You simply knew that the tone of voice was firm and sad. You soiled your diaper. You bit something that you should not have bitten. You kicked when the adult was not expecting you to kick. When you did something good you probably only got a smile to get you to smile as well. Rarely do children get compliments. That’s just not how societies train children. It is not difficult to understand, then, where the origins of negative thinking develop. They are then built into everyday behavior, more so in some than others. But negative thinking is usually present in everyone. Earlier, we emphasized that Emperor Qin thought boundaries had significance when viewing the constant distractions of nomadic tribes from the north. As such, he required General Meng Tian to create the Great Wall of China. The purpose of the boundary was not just to establish organization and begin progress. Emperor Qin Shihuang saw the negative influence of these invaders and desired a greater outcome for his people. While Qin was known to not be a believer in Confucianism, he promoted it since it had values that created a prosperous community. It supported the belief that one should not do harm to another since you would not want the other person doing harm to you. Confucianism supported family values, ancestor worship, and respect of the government. Confucianism declared to be virtuous one had to practice generosity, seriousness, kindness, sincerity, and diligence. These were all necessary elements for a successful, organized community. The distractions of war were fierce. You have already read that General Meng promoted his soldier’s using the count of enemy heads each of his men chopped off. Negativity was a disease to success and not something that could be tolerated in this sort of climate. Building The Great Wall of China was positive reinforcement for stability. Soldiers, local citizens, and criminals banded together to create The


Great Wall to overcome the external, negative forces. Overcoming negativity by keeping ever focused on reality is the lesson Emperor Qin brings forward to you. How does negative thinking affect you? Consider that it affects your confidence, the root of courage needed to achieve the tasks needed to realize your goal. Negative thinking saps enjoyment from your challenges by viewing each task as a difficult chore rather than an exciting adventure as part of your journey. Doubt clouds your thinking. Worry over anticipated bad outcomes becomes central when it should not be present at all. Anxiety erodes your vision and melts your self-esteem. Most importantly, negative thinking impacts the success of achieving your desired goals. You have already seen how you are essentially contaminated with this tendency of negative thinking from birth. So, it is essential that you protect against the ever-present problem at its source. Some well-known people learned the importance of protecting against negative thinking. Dale Carnegie wrote the third most popular book of this past century, “How to Win Friends & Influence People.” He was probably the most committed supporter of defeating inner fear to release personal courage. Lecturing to business leaders from Carnegie Hall in New York City, Dale Carnegie focused on the positive effects of allowing the other person to save their dignity versus the negative effects of faultfinding. He taught that individuals gravitate to you when you are persuading them using only honest praise rather than negative criticism. The famous Walt Whitman Bridge that links the southern tip of New Jersey to the mainland of Pennsylvania near the north end of Delaware stands in respect of a positive man in the region. To steady his overly positive mind, he drank the then unpolluted lithium waters from Laurel Springs, New Jersey from where he lived and penned his famous poetry. He is quoted as saying, “Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you.” Oklahoma social commentator and humorist, Will Rogers, is probably the most positive man known. Most people quote him without knowing the origin. “I never met a man I didn’t like.” His son, Fred Rodgers, carried the theme to a children’s television show, “Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.” It maintained positive values when every other children’s show entertained poor ethical standards. The tendency to want to avoid negative people is natural. Recent research has exposed behavior patterns from neural activity that humans subconsciously adapt to the behavior of those around them. So, it is a protective measure to avoid negative people. V.S. Ramachandran and others coined mirror neurons as having much the same action as monkey neurons that create behavior-copying mannerisms of those nearby. So, without thinking, humans placed in a new setting begin to adapt to the lifestyle, speech patterns, and emotional behaviors of those in the culture close to them. Teenagers and young adults are most skillful in this as other researchers have identified unconscious beehive behaviors in subgroups of this population. The other reason people avoid negativism is the contagious aspect of the behavior. Coined “emotional contagion” negativism is best visualized as having the ability to infect those around in “road rage” examples. Researchers have revealed that when one person exhibits a temper tantrum behind the wheel of a vehicle drivers in the vicinity experience norepinephrine (adrenaline) release with their fight-or-flight reactions. These reactions unconsciously trigger their own anger responses.


Another recent “emotional contagion” was the negative response to the Ebola outbreak in West Africa. The number of individuals who contracted Ebola and entered the United States could be counted on less than one hand. Still, the number of individuals who were exposed to Ebola out of humanitarian aid received unwarranted hatred from the likes of governors, organizations, and the public. The “emotional contagion” became severe for aid workers under house arrest over multiple weeks. Health care professionals began to avoid going to work in the region. It was not until the U.S. military entered the arena that the “emotional contagion” died down. Happy people are “wired differently” according to research. Whereas people who have anger are most active in their right-brain, people who invest in logic and rational thinking are most active in the left-brain. It is no wonder that people who remain busy performing the busy functions of calculating thought are satisfied with life. This creates a psychic boundary against fear. Fear is the opposite of courage. Where there is no fear, there is courage. Clearly, stopping negative thinking is important. Erasing fear and endorsing courage is necessary. Let’s review some steps to chase fear and validate this most important requirement. First, recall the adage, “everything in moderation.” Life is not as extreme as our imaginations want to take us. Don’t allow that inner fear to go there. Look for the alternate option to a situation; there is always at least one available. Second, marginalize emotions to their related events. Every event has a related emotion; it should belong there and nowhere else. Should an event not go as planned recall that it is specific to that event, not your entire life. To think otherwise is called catastrophizing. Be realistic. Third, give credit where credit is due. When something positive happens, celebrate! It deserves equal billing. In the grand scheme of things, you will begin to notice more positive things outweigh the negative. Fourth, take things at face value. Yes, in this world of reading body language everything has special meaning beyond what is said. Still, to interpret something without giving it validity only invites a negative expectation. When in doubt, ask to confirm your suspicions. Otherwise, a smile is just a smile. Fifth, prevent internalization of each negative event. That is to say, avoid personal blame or responsibility for many occurrences that only God has control. Alternately, prevent externalization of each positive event. When another person has a positive outcome, pay them a compliment rather than find fault with how they came about their good fortune. Sixth, remove conditionals in life. These are the “If” statements. Life comes to us as it happens, so to expect satisfaction “if” this or that occurs is hopeless. Seventh, stop commiserating with yourself. This is creating lies about how bad your life is, convincing yourself over and over that it is true, and then believing it. This is so sad. Just stop it because it eats away at your very soul, and you know it.


Exercise To complete your exercise, take five minutes of your time with your small, wire-bound notebook to complete the seven steps for yourself. Build further your Great Wall to prevent negativism. If you do not now have specific detail how you will complete a step, write that you will commit to this step.

pillar 1- creating boundaries, module 3 say no to …€¦ · pillar 1- creating boundaries, module...

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