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Abortion and DenialJ. Kevin Burke MSS,LSW

“Buried emotions are like rejected

people; they make us pay a high

price for having rejected them”

- Rev. John Powell

• Think of the words, actions

and gestures by others that

were supportive and

healing in managing that

pain and grief.

• Write down or think of

one of the most painful

events in your life-

divorce,abuse,abortion,

loss etc.

• Write down some

responses to this

painful event; words,

actions, attitudes that

were not helpful and

perhaps even hurtful.

• How did those words, actions, attitudes

make you feel. How did they impact you?

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• The emotions

of shame,

abandonment,

complicated

grief are

disconnected

from the wound

that lies at the

heart of post abortion grief.

The Trauma-Go-Round

of Denial:

Self Protection Vs Resolution

• Putting the Lid on the Pot-avoiding painful feelings

• The unconscious desire to find meaning and

resolution of the abortion experience

Traumatic Paradox

• Defense Mechanisms are the foundation of

Denial and Repression (avoiding/stuffing

down)

• Yet Some DM’s act as unconscious release

valves-unconscious fissures for traumatic

steam/themes (Displacement/Provocation).

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Coping Processes

• Conscious,

intentional,

learned and

associated

with normal

adjustment

Defense Mechanisms

• Unconscious, unintentional,

self-protective instincts or

dispositions…that help

maintain repression of

painful/traumatic feelings and

memory, and minimize

anxiety. (Cramer,1998)

Defenses / coping

mechanisms help

us to cope with

this disconnected

pain until we can

find:

Meaning

Reconciliation

Healing.

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Defense

Mechanisms can

become a prison

that keep us from

the liberation of

healing.

The Price of Denial

The Price

• Relational dysfunction:

Re-enacting repressed traumatic themes

• Drain emotional energy / lower emotional range

• Addictions / eating disorders

-High Risk / self destructive behavior-

-repeat abortions

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• “I can’t deal with this right now” -

Conscious Coping Mechanism

Suppression

Repression

• Burying the dangerous darkness deeply in

the unconscious [Defense Mechanism]

• Related to the intensity/traumatic nature of

the event--the inability of the person to

integrate this traumatic event.

• The unconscious wants to

integrate/reconcile/release pain/find

meaning.

• Post Abortive Culture of Denial

Rationalization

• Heart: I have participated in

the death of my child in a

painful, humiliating and lonely

nightmare called abortion.

• Voice: It was the best

decision at that time and made

total sense given my situation.

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Reaction Formation

Displacement/Projection

• Pro Lifer = Fanatical, rejecting,

uncompassionate, right-wing, nazi,

women-hating dark evil force.

• Repressed feelings of abortion: Anxiety

of losing control, pain of rejection /

abandonment, dark forbidden feelings of

grief, loss, rage.

Introjection

• The Tyranny of

Good Intentions:

• Sacrifice and

Appeasement

Undoing

• I will make it all come out right…

• My Grief has no voice--

I will fill the Void...Replacement Pregnancies

• 29% of Women in an Elliot Institute study

attempt to conceive a replacement pregnancy

- 45% successfully within the first year after

abortion.

• The “Perfect Mom” -

“The Mother Theresa Syndrome”

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Dissociation

• I Don’t remember, I don’t

recall, I have no Memory of

anything at all----

Peter Gabriel

• The Lights are on

but nobody is home

Somatization

• The body gives voice to it’s

Forbidden Grief and pain.

(Heather)

Resistance/Avoidance

• Fight or Flight

• “Keep Your Religion Out of My Grief”

• The Back Pew Gang

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Deflection

• The Numbing-Dumbing Culture of

Hyper-Distraction - Helping to maintain

repression and disconnect from wound.

Denial - 3 Stages

• Planned Parenthood

of Illinois -

“Grieving the

lost pregnancy”

Recognition

• Houston we have

a problem

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Acceptance

• Problem is recognized

and addressed... but

with conditions

• The Denial Damn Breaks--

Truth Can Flow Into the Healing River of Grief

Surrender

Denial Reinforced

Blaming the Victim

• “A few Women might CLING to their grief.”

(Planned Parenthood of Illinois)

• Translation: “You are weak, self-centered,

selfish, and indulgently clinging to your grief.

Your inability to let this grief go reveals your

psychological immaturity and may indicate a

pre existing emotional illness.”

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• Displacement/Projection anyone?

Julie Burchill’s

Healing Message

Deep

complicated

intensive grief

lies at the

epicenter of the

wound of those

that experience

abortion.

Visiting this wound will seem

like a treacherous journey to

the suffering soul.

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We are the Bridge Builders To

The Pain Crying out For

Healing / Reconciliation /

Christ Jesus

When is too

early for

treatment after

abortion?

Our Response to Intense Emotions

• Therapist and the Cutter

• Therapist and the

wailing woman

Feeling Outside the BoxJ. Kevin Burke MSS,LSW

“Buried emotions are like rejected

people; they make us pay a high

price for having rejected them”

- Rev. John Powell

• How did you try and avoid

the pain/conflict of the

situation and your feelings

• Think of a time when

you wanted to avoid/run

from your feelings

Only The Penitent

Man…May Pass

Coping Processes

• Conscious,

intentional,

learned and

associated

with normal

adjustment

Defense Mechanisms• Unconscious, unintentional,

self-protective instincts or

dispositions…that help

maintain repression of

painful/traumatic feelings and

memory, and minimize

anxiety. (Cramer,1998)

• Example

Traumatic Paradox

• Defense Mechanisms are the foundation of

Denial and Repression (avoiding/stuffing

down)

• Yet Some DM’s act as unconscious release

valves-unconscious for traumatic

steam/themes (Displacement/Provocation).

The Trauma-Go-Round

of Denial:

Self Protection Vs Resolution

• Avoiding/Repressing painful and threatening feelings

• The unconscious desire to find meaning and resolution of

the abortion experience

Defense / coping

mechanisms help

us to cope with

this disconnected

pain until we can

find:

Meaning

Reconciliation

Healing.

Defense

Mechanisms can

become a prison

that keep us from

the liberation of

healing.

• “I can’t deal with this right now” -

Conscious Coping Mechanism

Suppression

Rationalization

• Heart: I have participated in

the death of my child and need

to honor and grieve this loss.

• Voice: It was the best

decision at that time and made

total sense given my situation.

Reaction Formation

Displacement/Projection

• Reaction Formation: Acting Opposite of What I Really Want/Feel

• Displacement: Finding another target for your Anger/Pain

• Projection: Placing my unacceptable feelings onto you

Reaction Formation

Displacement/Projection

• Repressed feelings of abortion: Anxiety of losing control, pain of rejection / abandonment, dark forbidden feelings of grief, loss, rage are Focused on Other.

• Church—Pro Lifers-- Republicans = Fanatical, rejecting, uncompassionate, right-wing, women-hating dark evil force.

Introjection

Identifying with the

powerful to cope with

weakness and fear

Sacrifice and

Appeasement

Undoing

• I will make it all come out right…

fixing the mistake

• My Grief has no voice--

I will fill the Void...

Undoing

• 29% post abortive Women in an Elliot

Institute study attempt to conceive a

replacement pregnancy - 45%

successfully within the first year after

abortion.

• The “Perfect Mom” -

“The Mother Theresa Syndrome”

Dissociation: State of Numbness

• Get lost in thinking

• Close themselves off

from painful feelings

• Also close themselves

off from pleasant

emotions

Somatization

• The body gives voice to it’s

Forbidden Grief and pain.

(Bank Teller)

• Painful feelings are still there –

but unexpressed,

they are stored in the body as

physical illnesses.

Avoidance

• Avoiding sights, sounds, smells, memories

of trauma

Avoidance

• The Numbing-Dumbing Culture of

Hyper-Distraction - Helping to maintain

repression and disconnect from wound.

Denial - 3 Stages

Recognition

• There is a

problem

Acceptance

• Problem is recognized

and addressed... but

with conditions

• The Denial Damn Breaks--

Truth Can Flow Into the Healing River of Grief

Surrender

Denial Reinforced

“A few Women might grieve their lost

pregnancy and Cling to their grief.” (Planned

Parenthood of Illinois)

Level of Denial???

Denial Reinforced

Blaming the Victim

• Translation: “You are indulgently clinging to

your grief. Your inability to let this grief go

reveals your psychological immaturity and

indicates a pre existing emotional illness.”

"There is no sufficient evidence (post-

abortion syndrome) exists, and it is not

anywhere in the literature of psychology,"

Stotland said. "The evidence is quite strong

that the most accurate psychiatric position

you'll be in after an abortion is the

condition you're in before one."

--Level of Denial???

Nada Stotland, vice president of the

American Psychiatric Association

Da NileHaving religious groups masked as therapy

sessions foster the guilt and having women

atone for their decision isn't going to help them,

That self-crucifixion with this group (RV) is

hitting her from all sides with guilt and shame

The likelihood of it being beneficial is very

low."-Craig Kinsley, a professor of neuroscience at the

University of Richmond in Virginia

Clueless in Seattle

Shauna Fitzgerald, counseling manager for

Planned Parenthood of Western Washington,

said the great majority of women she encounters

are fine after an abortion and very few return for

post-abortion counseling available throughout

Seattle.

The Power of Words

• UCLA Brain Imaging Study

• Only a First Step for Trauma Victims

• Intensity of Feelings Requires other

Strategies and Processes for Healing