parents making change

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ParentsWho

Change the World



Prents May 2011 151

On an easy summer eveningin June 2007, Scott and Katey Taylor decided to take three o their our young daughtersor dinner and an evening swim at their suburban Minneapolis gol course. An active amily,the Taylors loved the water and took every opportunity to spend time together outside.

As the daylight aded, Scott took one o theirdaughters, Christina, 2, home while Katey usheredGrace, 8, and some pals to the shower. That’s when

she looked back and saw 6-year-old Abbey in thewading pool sitting down with a strange look on herace. Katey called to her to join them.

She knew something was wrong the minute herdaughter stood up. Obviously dizzy, Abbey took aew sideways steps and ell, knocking out her ronttooth and hitting her head on the pool deck beoreplunging into the adult pool.

Several hours and one emergency surgery later,doctors told the Taylors news that no parent couldever prepare or, much less imagine. Despite theact that there had been not a speck o blood at

the site o the accident, Abbey’s small intestine hadbeen ripped rom her body by the suction rom anuncovered pool drain in the kiddie pool.

In those panic-stricken days o her rst hospita lstay, Abbey asked Katey i she was going to beon television. Abbey was a showgirl—the k ind o child who could belt out all the lyrics to HighSchool Musical —so her parents gured she wasdreaming about being amous. But Abbeywasn’t ocused on her beloved Hanna Montana.Lying in her hospital bed, the 6-year-old showedshe was wise beyond her years. “I need to makesure that what happened to me doesn’t happento someone else,” she said. Her words wouldchange the course o the Taylors’ lives.

Abbey died nine months later, ater 16 surgeriesincluding a triple organ transplant to replace herliver, small intestine, and pancreas. But her parentsnever orgot that conversation with their cherishedlittle girl. With the support o Minnesota’s U.S.Senator Amy Klobuchar, the Taylors helped revive

and pass the Virginia Graeme Baker Pool & SpaSaety Act, a ederal law named or a 7-year-oldgirl—Graeme, to her amily—who drowned ater

being pinned underwater by hundreds o poundso suction orce rom a hot-tub drain. The bill,passed in 2008, bans the manuacture, sale, ordistribution o drain covers that don’t meetanti-entrapment saety standards and requires theuse o less powerul drainage systems. It hadoriginally been championed by Nancy Baker,Graeme’s mother, who had lobbied or three yearsto get the bill passed. When it stalled, Katey andScott’s support gave the legislation the nal push itneeded to be signed into law.

The Taylors also successully lobbied or the

state-level Abigail Taylor Pool Saety Act. Itrequires all existing pools and spas that are opento the public to bring their drain covers up tostandards. Those pools are also now required tobe licensed and inspected by the MinnesotaDepartment o Health.

Getting those laws passed wasn’t easy. TheTaylors spent countless hours meeting withpoliticians, and learning the legislative process. Theygraciously told their heartbreaking story to themedia and anyone else who would listen.

The Taylors aren’t as unique as you mightimagine. Across the United States, parents, manyo whom are coping with unathomable losses,become citizen lobbyists in the hope that otheramilies won’t have to suer the same senselesstragedies. Whether they’re ghting or ood saety,improved car standards, bullying prevention, orautism-insurance reorm, these mothers andathers claw their way through the tangle o politicsand bureaucracy, all in the name o their children.



previous spread: dimitri vervitsiotis/getty images. this page, fro

m left: courtesy of emma willard school; getty images (2); time & l

ife pictures/getty images.

152 May 2011 Prents

Moms and Dads Make Laws and History

1821SCHOOL FOR GIRLS

Women’s-rights advocate and

mom o one E Willrd opens the Troy Female

Seminary (now the EmmaWillard School) in Troy, New

York. It’s the rst school in theUnited States to oer girls an

education equal to that or boys.

1903NO WORk, mORE PL ay

Labor rights activist and mom

o our “mother” mr HrrisJones leads striking children

rom the tetile mills o Kensington, Pennsylvania, to

President Theodore Roosevelt’shome on Long Island, New

York. They carry banners saying“We want time to play!” and

“We want to go to school!”

1948RIGHTS FOR aLL kIDS

As the most infuential member

o the United Nations’Commission on Human Rights,

ormer First Lady and mother o si Elenor Rooseelt cheers

when the General Assemblyadopts The Universal

Declaration o Human Rights,Among its eatures: giving rights

to kids born to single moms.

1951aNTI-SEGREGaTION RULING

Olier Brown tries

unsuccessully to enroll his7-year-old daughter, Linda, in a

white school in Topeka, Kansas.

In 1954, the Supreme Courtrules that it is unconstitutional

to segregate children in schools.

Lasting LegaciesFor many parents, advocating or laws that protect children isa passionate act o remembering. “To have your child erasedrom the earth is horriying,” says Long Island, New York,mother Adriann Raschdor-Nelson, whose 16-month-old son,Alec, was killed when a beloved elderly relative backed overhim because o zero rearview visibility in an SUV. Togetherwith her husband, Bill Nelson, they successully lobbied orAlec’s Law, which mandates that all Long Island residents whobuy or lease a car receive a brochure with inormation aboutthe rear blind zone and preventing accidental backovers.

It took two years to pass the local legislation, but pushingthrough a law at the ederal level oten takes much longer.“The range is a couple o years to never—never being themost common,” says Janette Fennell, the president andounder o KidsandCars.org, a nonprot that advocates orimproved car saety. Yet even knowing that there’s littlechance o a simple success, parents press on.

The Nelsons also met with then Senator Hillary RodhamClinton and testied in Washington, D.C., in support o ederal legislation, now passed, that makes it impossible toput a car into gear without a oot on the brake and or allvehicles manuactured starting in 2014 to be equipped with arearview camera. “Instead o blaming somebody, we lookedor opportunities to make a dierence with Alec’s lie,” saysBill Nelson. “It’s emotional and it brings us back to where wewere when Alec died, but it helps us to help others.”

Kim and Ken Hansen, o West Seneca, New York,understand intimately what motivates the Nelsons to keeppushing or improved saety laws. The couple lost their

16-year-old daughter and only child, Amanda, when she was

poisoned by a carbon-monoxide leak at a sleepover. “A weekater she passed away it hit me that there was something Ihad to do so that it wouldn’t happen to another amily,” saidKen. “I knew that I needed to get carbon-monoxide detectorsin homes.” Today, Amanda’s Law requires most houses andapartments in New York State to have working detectors.

I Amanda had lived, the Hansens would be spending theirweekends looking at colleges. Instead, they devote their reetime to educating people about carbon-monoxide poisoningand distributing CO detectors at places such as The HomeDepot and re stations. “The pain is always there, but everytime we speak that’s one more amily Amanda is protecting,”says Ken, his voice breaking. “That’s what it’s all about or us.”

Not Just PoliticsA parent’s passion is a powerul tool or pushing throughlegislation. “When we meet with a mother or ather andhear the story o how their child died because o a

dangerous product, it uels our commitment to implementlaws that can save lives,” says Scott Wolson, director o theOce o Inormation and Public Aairs at the U.S.Consumer Product Saety Commission. Fennell is moreblunt: “You can’t just turn away rom a grieving parent.”

These kinds o tragedies irrevocably change not only aparent’s daily routine but also how she sees hersel in theworld. “I always thought I was a strong person, but I didn’trealize the depth o that inner strength,” says HeatherVandenberghe, o New York City, whose 3-year-olddaughter, Elle, was injured, almost atally, when she was hit bya reckless driver who was reversing into a parking space while

Elle and her nanny were walking to her preschool.



154 May 2011 Prents

1972a mOTHER’S PRIDE

Jenne mnford marches with heradult son in what is now called the New

York City Gay Pride Parade. She holdsthe rst ormal meeting o Parents,

Families, and Friends o Lesbians andGays (PFLAG) the ollowing year.

❝

❝

1975BaTTLING GUNS

Ater his 23-year-old son is atally shot,Nelson “Pete” Shields III becomes thespokesperson or Handgun Control Inc.

and turns the organiation intothe Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun

Violence, the most prominentgun-control lobby in the country.

1978SUPERFUND’S SUPERmOm

Lois Gibbs nds out that not only is her 7-year-old son’s

elementary school in Niagara Falls, New York,built on a toic waste dump but her entire Love Canal

neighborhood is too. With no eperience in activism,Gibbs lobbies or the creation o the Superund,

a ederal act passed in 1980 and designed to locate and

clean up toic-waste sites throughout the United States.

from left: courtesy of pflag national; courtesy of brady camp

aign to prevent gun violence; time & life pictures/getty images.

Three months ater the accident, Vandenberghe’s olderdaughter, Lila, asked i the man who hit Elle was in jail .Vandenberghe knew the driver had walked away withnothing more than a trac citation. “I lied to her and saidyes, because I just couldn’t tell her the truth,” saysVandenberghe. “I wanted Lila to believe that there is justice.At that moment I realized that I never wanted to have to lieto my daughter again. I wanted to do something.” Twomonths later—lightning speed in the political arena—Elle’sLaw was passed by the New York Senate and Assembly,mandating a minimum six-month license suspension ordrivers who injure pedestrians while driving recklessly.Shocked and dismayed that 37 states don’t have pedestrian-saety laws, Vandenberghe is taking her campaign to theederal level. You can join the ght at elleslaw.org.

Instant EpertsWhen Elle was injured, Vandenberghe was an executive at

Louis Vuitton and knew nothing about the legislative process.In act, according to Fennell, almost all mothers who becomecitizen lobbyists are catapulted into their work without anyprevious training. “I would have thought o mysel as a momwho was aware o most aspects o saety,” says Katey Taylor,who now pours her energy into abbeyshope.org, the nonprotthat she and Scott started to educate children and amiliesabout pool and water saety. “I look at what we’ve learned inthe last two and a hal years and how our knowledge hasshited to be not only about pool-drain products, but propermaintenance, education, and overall pool saety.”

Identiying so closely with these deeply personal issues

can get complicated. Some parents, according to Fennell,get dismissed as “overly emotional zealot moms.” Whenpeople questioned whether the pool-saety laws the Taylorsbacked would be eective, the criticisms cut deep. “It’sincredibly personal,” says Katey Taylor, who admits that theiradvocacy may have strained some riendships. “I used to eel

that when anyone questioned what we’re doing, they wereattacking Abbey’s legacy. I’ve come to accept that sometimes

a question is just that and nothing more.”“You’re out there or people to poke holes at,” Fennell says.

Strangers will actually launch an online attack against theparents, saying the child’s death was their ault. “I’ve never readsuch mean-spirited and ignorant comments as I have on someo these blogs,” she adds.

While the potshots hurt, Raschdor-Nelson is remarkablyinsightul about what motivates her detractors. “We’re thewalking epitome o every parent’s nightmare,” she says. “I theycan blame us, then they can eel like it won’t happen to them.”

The act that our culture is so uncomortable with death andgrieving has led to other insensitive, i well-intentioned, advice

about how the Nelsons should get on with their lives. It’s asuggestion that hurts Raschdor-Nelson, who is more thanengaged juggling her career as a fight attendant with raisingthe couple’s ve other children. “Just because we’re still talkingabout our child doesn’t mean we aren’t moving on,” she says.“We are moving on and taking him with us.”

Instead ofblaming somebody, welooked for opportunities

to make a differencewith Alec’s life. It’s

emotional, but it helpsus to help others.

–Bill Nelson



from left: courtesy of candace lightner/madd; courtesy of elizabeth glaser pediatric aids foundation; getty images; susan rosner photography.

156 May 2011 Prents

1980maD (aND EFFECTIvE)

Cndce Lightner ounds

Mothers Against Drunk Driving(MADD) in her den our days

ater one o her 13-year-old twindaughters is killed by a drunk

driver in Fair Oaks, Caliornia.

1991TakING ON TOxINS

Ater daughter Colette dieso a rare cancer, Nnc ndJi Chud, o Connecticut,start Healthy Child, Healthy

World. It becomes a globalleader in educating the public

about environmental haards.

1988aIDS aCTIvIST

Hollywood wie o David Glaser,Elizbeth Glser, who contracted

HIV rom a blood inusion whilegiving birth to her daughter in

1981, launches the Pediatric AIDSFoundation with two riends.

2006mOmS aCT UP

MoveOn.org coounder and

president Jon Bldes andjournalist kristin Rowe

Finbeiner start MomsRising,a grassroots network o

mothers lobbying or lawsmaking it easier to raise kids.

You don’t need to have experienced a personal tragedy to

be an eective advocate. Whether you want to fght or

ood-saety laws, push to increase school unding, or simply havea stop sign installed on your corner, the lessons learned by these

amilies can help you. We asked highly involved parents or their

best advice on how to make lasting changes that matter.

Join orces. Align yoursel with a person or anorganization that’s already involved in what you’redoing and knows the history o the issue rom alobbying standpoint. Vandenberghe used hernetwork o riends and amily to connect with NewYork lobbyist Allison Lee, who in turn introducedher to political movers and shakers in the statecapital. You can research the Consumer ProductSaety Commission website (www.cpsc.gov) tocheck i there are already laws on the books relatedto what you want to promote. The GovernmentPrinting Oce website allows you to search or allexisting ederal laws enacted since 1995.

Get condent. “Women have so much sel-doubt that they don’t have the expertise,” saysMinneapolis mom Courtney Cushing Kiernat. “Ithink it’s more about stepping up and realizing thatwhat you don’t have you’ll either learn or nd inother people.” When Cushing Kiernat spearheadeda tax reerendum campaign—a yes-or-no ballot

vote—to benet the Minneapolis Public Schools,the country was deep in the grip o the 2008recession and only 18 percent o the district’svoting population had children. “I knew what washappening at my own kids’ elementary school, but Ineeded to hear what was going on in all the other

Make Your Own Difference

schools in the district,” she says. “I showed up atmost school meetings and every community

meeting I could—an average o three a week ormonths—and listened.” The reerendum passedwith an overwhelming majority.

Start sharing. “You have to be comortabletelling your story a hundred times,” says Tanya ChinRoss, director o public policy at Sae Kids USA(saekids.org), a Washington, D.C.–based nationalnetwork o organizations working to preventunintentional childhood injury. Write your storyrom your heart and practice in ront o people.

Use social media. Asking your Facebook riendsto repost or to retweet on Twitter can make animpact. E-mail bloggers and reporters at your localnewspaper. I everyone you know spreads yourmessage, you can see exponential reach.

Attend public hearings. Don’t be araid to share.Other parents probably eel the same way you do.

Be patient. Passing a law can take years .“It’sdicult to get legislation passed, especially when itcomes to child saety,” says Chin Ross. “There arecompeting agendas and lots o other issues,including taxes and budget sessions.”

Stay resilient. “You’ll hear ‘no’ a lot more than‘yes,’ ” advises Fennell. “But i you are doingsomething that comes rom your own lie

experience, you have the truth on your side.”Don’t stop with laws. Legislation is nothing

without education. Each year since Alec’s death, theNelson amily has sponsored Alec’s Run (alecsrunli.com) to raise awareness about car saety. Proceedsgo to KidsandCars.org and other nonprots.



berry:wireimage. roberts: ny daily news/getty images. klum: cou

rtesy of elizabeth glaser pediatric aids foundation. cox: getty im

ages. lopez: sara de boer/startraks.

cross: michael simon/motts. applegate: wireimage. witherspoon

: courtesy of avon foundation. garner: wireimage. heigl: wireimage. keys: wireimage.

They’re using their ame and red-carpet status to help promote causes that matter.

HALLE BERRYAs a diabetic hersel, Oscar

winner and mom o Nahla,

3, Berry has a personal

connection to the work o

Diabetes Aware, which

helps those with thedisease manage it.

COURTENEYCOx

The Cougar Town

star and mom o

Coco, 6, is an

advocate or

OmniPeace, an

L.A.–based

ashion brand. It

donates profts to

promoting peace,

human rights,

and education,

and to ending

poverty inArica.

HEIDI KLUMSupermodel and mother o

our, Klum assists the

Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric

AIDS Foundation,

providing HIV prevention

and treatment or women,children, and amilies.

Celebrity Moms Give Back

JENNIFER GARNERThis star lends a hand to

Milk + Bookies, where

children select,

purchase, and inscribe

books that are donated

to peers who don’t have

books. Garner has two

daughters, Violet, 5,

and Seraphina, 2.

ALICIA KEYSThe singer and new

mom is a coounder and

global ambassador or

Keep a Child Alive. The

organization provides

treatment and support

to children and amilies

aected by HIV/AIDS

in Arica and India.

KATHERINE HEIGLWhen Heigl was a kid her

older brother died in a

car accident and her

amily donated his

organs. Heigl now works

with Donate Lie

America to inspire

people to sign up to be

organ donors.

CHRISTINA APPLEGATEAter being diagnosed with breast

cancer in 2008, Applegate created

Right Action or Women, a

oundation that educates women

about breast cancer and provides

aid to those who can’t aord

insurance to cover screenings.

JULIA ROBERTSOscar winner and mother

o three, Roberts supports

Hole in the Wall Gang

Camp, or children

suering rom cancer,

sickle cell anemia, HIV/AIDS, and other diseases.

JENNIFER LOPEzLopez created The Maribel

Foundation, unding

telemedicine clinics

connecting children in

underprivileged

communities with top

pediatric specialists.

REESE

WITHERSPOONOscar winner and

mother o two,

Witherspoon serves as

honorary chairperson o

the Avon Foundation, anonproft that tackles

breast cancer and

domestic violence.

MARCIA CROSSShe plays a desperate housewie on

TV, but she’s also joined orces

with Feeding America, which

distributes ood through a

nationwide network o ood

providers and seeks to

increase public

awareness about

the issue o

hunger inAmerica.

—Josh Helmin

158 May 2011 Prents

parents making change

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