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VarhaiskasvatuksenTiedelehtiJournalofEarlyChildhoodEducationResearchVolume7,Issue2,2018,pp.392-414

©2018Neitola&SuomenVarhaiskasvatusry.–EarlyChildhoodEducationAssociationFinland.Peer-reviewunderresponsibilityoftheeditorialboardofthejournalISSN2323-7414;ISSN-L2323-7414online

ParentsasTeachersandGuidesofTheir

Children’sSocialSkills

MaritaNeitola

UniversityofTurku,Finland,E-mail:[email protected]

ABSTRACT:Thisstudyaddressedtheeffectsofparentalsupportonchildren’ssocialcompetenceandfocussedonparents’assessmentsoftheirchildren’ssocialskills.Itanalysedthemethodsparentsusetoteachtheseskillsandtheirdirectinfluenceonsocial-emotionalcompetence.Thedataforthisstudywerecollectedfrominterviewswith 55 parents living in Finland. Assessments of social skills and social skillsteaching methods by parents of children with peer relationship issues werecompared to thoseofparentsof childrenwithno such issues.The results showeddifferences inperceptionsofchildren’ssocialabilities,aswellasparental teachingand guidance methods, between parent groups. All parents indicated that theirchildren’s prosocial and emotional skills should be developed more, but childrenwith peer relationship issues also had wider social skill deficits. However, thesechildren’s social skills were guided less by their caregivers than childrenwithoutpeer relationship issues. Also, the quality of parental patterns and childrearingpractices in teaching social skills varied between the parent groups. Parents ofchildren with peer issues used ineffective teaching methods. These findingshighlight the need for carefully planned social skills interventions that involveparents.

Keywords: social-emotionalcompetence,socialskills,parental influence,peerrelationships

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NeitolaVarhaiskasvatuksenTiedelehti—JECER7(2)2018,392–414.http://jecer.org

Introduction

In recent decades, comprehensive developmental research has provided strongevidence of the link between effective mastery of social-emotional competence andhigher well-being and academic achievement (see e.g., Cillessen & Bellmore, 2014;Kupersmidt&DeRosier, 2004;Weissberg,Durlak,Domitrovich,&Gullotta, 2015). Forinstance, Denham, Basset, Zinsser and Wyatt (2014) found that social-emotionalcompetence has significant direct and indirect effects on school adjustment and theacademic achievements of children in kindergarten. Deficits in social-emotionalcompetence can negatively affect the progress of positive interpersonal relationshipsand acceptable social behaviour (Gresham& Elliott, 2008); hinder learning outcomesandacademicachievement(Ladd,2005);andleadtoexclusionandmarginalisation(e.g.,Kupersmidt & DeRosier, 2004; Ladd, 2005; Laine, Neitola, Auremaa, & Laakkonen,2010). Social-emotional competence,definedaseffectiveness in interaction, covere.g.,the social abilities that children need to achieve their own objectives in a socialinteractionandtoactpositivelywithotherchildren.Theseskillshelpindividualsformand maintain positive social and promote the acceptance of others (e.g., Cillessen &Bellmore,2014).Socialskillsalsoplayanimportantroleinacademiclearning(Denham,Bassett, et al., 2014). According to Elliott, Frey and Davis (2015, p. 301), “…withoutthem,learningsuffers,schoolislesssatisfying,andmanystudentsfailtograduate”.

Social skills are defined as socially acceptable functions and learned behaviours thatempower positive approaches towards and effective interactions with others insituationsthatcallforcooperation(Cillessen&Bellmore,2014;Elliottetal.,2015).Theymanifest in children’s social behaviour that is appropriate to a given situation andcontextand leads toaffirmativeresults for thechild(Poikkeus,2011),suchasgainingentry to play, earning membership in a team, gaining acceptance in a peer group orestablishinga friendship (Ladd,2005).Childrenwho facedifficulties in forming socialrelationshipsarereported tohave limitedsocial,emotional, cognitiveandbehaviouralskills (Bukowski, Buhrmester, & Underwood, 2011; Denham, Bassett, et al., 2014;Eisenberg, Vaughan, & Hofer, 2009; Hay, Caplan, & Nash, 2009), which have beenidentified to underlie individual differences in social-emotional competence (seeEisenbergetal.,2009;Hayetal.,2009).

Social-emotional competence can be perceived as a part of the broader concept ofsocialisation, which refers to the processes through which children learn skills,behavioural patterns, values andmotivation needed for competent functioning in theculture inwhich they live (Maccoby,2015).Sheaffirms that the family is the firstandmost enduring socialising institution, followed by peers, schools and other agents.

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Familiesandparentsbear theprimaryresponsibility formeetingchildren’sneedsandfor socialising them. Parents play key roles in this socialisation process as theirchildren’s first teachers and providers of their first social relationships, values andintellectualstimulation(Grusec&Davidov,2015;Laible,Thompson,&Froimson,2015).Laible et al. (2015) have highlighted the significance of close relationships betweenchildren and their parents. Such relationships, which include warmth, security,sensitivityandmutualreciprocity,areessentialforthedevelopmentofsocial-emotionalcompetence.

Significanceoffamilyandparentsinthedevelopmentofchildren’ssocialskills

Formost children, parents, as primary caregivers, are themost important individualswhoscaffoldandencouragesocial interactionand learning(Tomlin,2007),andwhomtheyliketoimitate(Laibleetal.,2015).Laibleetal.(2015)considersensitivecaregivingtobeacentralcontributortosocial-emotionalcompetencebecauseitinstilsinchildrena sense of control over their social environment and provides them with a sense ofthemselves as competent interaction partners. They also state that positive closerelationships between familymembers are not always self-evident. Poor parent-childrelationships may limit the effectiveness of parental modelling, and parents may notpractice childrearing that supports children’s social-emotional competence (Tomlin,2007).Furthermore,achild’scharacteristicsandbehaviourmaychallengeparentsandtheirparentingpatterns(Laibleetal.,2015).Childrenwhohavebehaviouralproblemstend to experience harsh and controlling parenting, which increases social problems.Veryoftenthesechildrenareunacceptedandrejectedwithintheirpeergroups(Ladd,2005).Researchexploringsocialcompetenceandpeerrelations(e.g.,Ladd2005;Ladd& Pettit, 2002; Ladd & Sechler, 2013; O'Neil & Parke, 2000; Parke et al., 2004) hassuggested various family processes that affect the development of children’s social-emotional competence. Ladd and Pettit (2002) further categorised these processes asindirectanddirectinfluences.

Indirect influences comprise facets of family life and everyday interactions, such asparent–child interactions, parental resources, childrearing practices and the parentalsocialnetwork(Ladd&Pettit2002;Ladd,2005;Ladd&Sechler,2013).Directinfluencesconsist of parents’ target-oriented actions to promote a child’s social development.These can be defined as parents’ attempts to manage and direct children’s socialfunctioningand interactions toassist andprepare them toact competently ina socialenvironment. Such efforts include designing children’s social environments; guiding,mediatingandmonitoringtheirrelationshipswithothers;andteachingthemacceptable

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social behaviours, socially desirable interactions and appropriate social skills byproviding advice, coaching and support and by modelling and scaffolding socialintercourse(Ladd,2005;Lollis,Ross,&Tate,1992;Tomlin,2007).

Gettingalongwithothersrequiresseveraldifferentsocialskills,suchasinitiatingsocialcontact (Cillessen & Bellmore, 2014), socio-cognitive abilities, communication skills(Fabes,Gaertner,&Popp,2008;Rose-Krasnor&Denham,2009),self-regulation,socialproblem solving (Cillessen & Bellmore, 2014), prosocial abilities and emotionalknowledge(Denham,Warrenetal.,2014;Rose-Krasnor&Denham,2009).Domitrovich,Durlak,StaleyandWeissberg (2017)suggest thatsocial-emotionalcompetencecanbedividedintointrapersonalandinterpersonaldomains.Intrapersonalskillsareimportantfor effective social functioning. These skills, like self-awareness, involve the ability toassessone’sownstrengths,feelings,interestsandvalues(Denham,2015).Interpersonalskillsareneededtointeractsuccessfullywithothers.Theinterpersonaldomain,whichincludesmaintaining and forming satisfying social relationshipswith others, requiresrelationshipskills(Denham,Bassettetal.,2014;seeWeissbergetal.,2015).Thesemaycomprise joining others in play, initiating and maintaining conversation, developingfriendships,assertingoneself,cooperating,listening,takingturns,resolvingconflictsandaddressing others’ needs through negotiations; these are essential during earlychildhood(Denham,2015;Denham,Bassett,etal.,2014).

More complex social interactions with peers require children to comprehend moreemotionallydifficultsocialsituations,setprosocialgoalsanddetermineeffectivewaysto solve differences with peers. Within responsible decision making, Denham (2015;Denham, Bassett, et al., 2014) includes abilities such as complying with group rules,resistingpeerpressureandcontrollingdisruptivebehaviour.Theinterpersonaldomainalso involves the sphere of social awareness, which includes component skills likeunderstanding another person’s perspective, empathising with others, understandingnorms and emotional knowledge (see also Weissberg et al., 2015). The area of self-management requires emotional skills, including the ability to handle one’s ownemotionsandsuitableandpositiveattentionandbehaviour(Denham,2015).

Childrenadoptandabsorbtheseskillsviafamilyinteractions(Grusec&Davidov,2015);parentalpracticesandmodelling(O’Neil&Parke,2000;Parkeetal.,2004);parent-childattachment and warm relationships with parents (McDowell & Parke, 2009; Reich &Vandell,2014);andtheexperiencesandopportunitiestopractisedifferentsocialskillsoffered and organised by parents (O’Neil & Parke, 2000; Reich & Vandell, 2014).Emotionalskillscruciallycontributetosocial-emotionalcompetence(Denham,Warrenetal.,2014;Denham,Bassett,&Wyatt,2015).Attheirbest,parentsserveasmodelsand

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teachersofemotionallearning(Denham,Bassett,&Zinsser,2012;Denhametal.,2015;Denham,Warrenetal.,2014),butanegativebroaderemotional climate in the family,e.g., maternal distress, can lead to less parental sensitivity (Yoo, Popp, & Robinson,2014).Themeansandqualitiesofcaregiverreactions tochildren’snegativeemotions,caregivers’ownregulatorystrategies,acceptance(andnotsuppression)ofallkindsofemotions and the expression of one’s own emotions are linked to children’s social-emotional competence, both directly and indirectly (Denham, Warren et al., 2014;Denhametal.,2015;Frenkel&Fox,2015).

Exposure to mainly positive parental emotions supports children’s learning aboutemotions(Denhametal.,2015;Denham,Warrenetal.,2014),asdosensitiveparentalresponsestochildren’snegativeemotions(Laibleetal.,2015).Sensitiveparentinghelpschildren learn self-regulation and empathy and also reinforces confidence in theirabilitiestocontroltheiremotions,inturnhinderingbehaviouralproblems.Childrencanalsoexpect theirparents’ assistancewhenneeded.Parents’ intensenegativeemotionshinder the development of children’s social-emotional competence, while supportivereactionstochildren’semotionaldisplayspromotechildren’semotionalexpressiveness,emotional knowledge and emotional regulation. Non-supportive parenting patterns,either punitive or dismissive, lead to diminished emotional regulation, less emotionalexpressivenessandpooreremotionalknowledge(Denhametal.,2015;Fabes,Leonard,Kupanoff,&Martin,2001).

Theeverydayfamilycontext,withitsroutinesandrituals,isanaturallearningcontext.Parents can convey to their children moral and conventional standards, includingsharing, manners and appropriate conduct, which children adopt in their own socialintercourse (Laible et al., 2015). Additionally, communication and linguistic skills aregenerally developed during shared play and interests between parents and children(Reich & Vandell, 2014). Daily conversations about different social experiences areanother avenue through which children learn social-emotional skills. Emotionalcommunicationindifferentdailysituations,e.g.,socialreferencingandcommunication,influencechildren'semotionalexpressionandregulation,socialexpectationsandwell-being. Research indicates thatmaternal depression, anxiety andhigh criticality lessenparental responsiveness and increase emotionalnegativity and thus result in childrenadoptingsimilardysfunctionalstylesofcommunication(e.g.,Field,Diego,&Hernandez-Reif,2009;Friedman,Beebe,Jaffe,Ross,&Triggs,2010).

Laible et al. (2015) suggest that conversations related to discipline may not fosterchildren’s social-emotional outcomes if they are not detailed. By asking open-endedquestions and providing rich details about children’s experiences, parents help their

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children better understand the causes and consequences of their actions and feelingsand give insight into their reasons for certain expectations. Through differentconversations,parentscanhelptheirchildrentoorientatefutureevents,supporttheirunderstanding of feelings and the intentions of other persons and showhow to solveconflicts constructively. Discussion styles are central to teaching and guiding socialskills.Forexample,usinganeutralratherthanademandingtone,aswellasquestionsand suggestions to provoke thoughts and observe a child’s emotional stage, is linkedwithpositivesocialcompetence(Ladd&Pettit,2002;McDowell&Parke,2009;Russell& Finnie, 1990). Mothers of rejected or neglected children have been found to giveinadequate and passive advice on peer interactions (Russell & Finnie, 1990), whilechildrenwhoarecompetentinsocialinteractionsaremorelikelytoreceivehigh-qualitycoachingandsupportfromtheirparents(McDowell&Parke,2009;Mize&Pettit1997).

Hastings,MillerandTroxel(2015)suggestthatauthoritativeparenting—incontrasttoauthoritarian parenting—attracts children’s attention towards other people andpromotes prosocial skills and behaviour (helping, sharing, taking turns, cooperating,empathising,etc.).Thesescholarsemphasisethatchildrenmustbetheobjectofparents’prosocial behaviourbecause experiencesof parents’ empathic attitudes andaction, aswell as parental warmth and attachment, contribute to prosocial skills. Fair andrespectful parenting practices together with close and trustworthy relationshipsincreasetheprobabilitythatchildrenwillinternalisetheprosociallessonstheirparentshave taught to them. A reproaching and accusing parenting style is associated withchildrenexhibiting, forexample,withdrawnbehaviour(Profilet&Ladd,1994).Recentresearch indicates that parents who resort to punitive control have less empathicchildren(Garner,2012).

Hastingsetal.(2015)statethatpunitivecontrolislinkedwithpsychologicalcontrol,andit reflects, for instance, parents’ manipulative efforts to regulate their children'sbehaviour, lovewithdrawalandguilt induction.Psychologicallycontrollingparentsareoften overprotective and smothering. This kind of control undermines children’sindependence,securitywithintheparent-childrelationshipandself-esteem.Ithasbeenfound that early rejection from mothers can lead to less empathic and prosocialbehaviour years later (Hyde, Shaw, & Moilanen, 2010). Thus, when parents’ actionsmodela lowregardofothers’ feelingsandevokea lackof confidenceandresentmenttheyundermineempathyacrossrelationships.Parentswhoestablishnormsandrulesinawarmbutfirmwayusinginductivereasoning,highlightingtheneedsofotherpersonsandmonitoringandadvisingtheirchildrenconsistentlywithoutmakingthemfeelguilty,areutilisingbehaviouralcontrol.This low-powercontrolhasbeen foundtoeffectivelyfosteryoungchildren’sprosocialdevelopment(Hastingsetal.,2015).

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Researchhas alsoproven that cooperative co-parentingpromotes children’sprosocialabilities,likeempathy.Proactiveparenting,especiallyfromfathers,hasbeenfoundtobeeffectiveinchildren’slearningofprosocialskillsandbehaviours.Aproactiveparentingstyle concentrates on anticipating actions, for instance, by supplying children withstrategiespriortoeventsoccurring(Hastingsetal.,2015).Further,GrusecandSherman(2011)statethatguidedlearninginvolvesteachingsocialskillsandparentalknowledgewithinthechildren’szoneofproximaldevelopment.Thismeansthat learningmustbescaffoldedsothatit isappropriatetothechild’slevelofunderstandingandmasteryofthe taskbeing taught. In sum, an authoritativeparenting stylewithpositive attitudes,including warmth, sensitivity and responsiveness, as well as firm, child-orientedguidanceandtheteachingoftrustthroughcognitiveproblem-solvingmethodsthattakeintoaccountchildren’spersonalcharacteristics(liketemperament),hasbeenproventoproducethebestoutcomesforchildren’ssocialskillsandoverallsocialcompetence.

This study aims to explore parental assessments, views and experiences regardingchildren’ssocialskillsmanagement,howparentsteachandguidetheirchildrenandtheteachingmethodstheyapplyathome. Icomparetheestimationsandviewsofparentswhose children have no peer relation issues to those of parentswhose children havepeerrelationshipissues.

Theobjectivesofthisstudy

Theobjectivesofthestudyareasfollows:

1. toexamineparents’assessmentsoftheirchildren’smasteredanddevelopingsocialskillsandpossibledifferencesbetweentheseassessments;

2. toidentifywhichsocialskillsparentsteachtheirchildrenandtocomparetheconceptionsofthesetaughtskillsbetweenparentsofchildrenwithandwithoutpeerrelationshipissues;and

3. toexploretheteachingandguidancemethodsparentapplytopromotesocialskillsandidentifydivergencesbetweenthoseusedbyparentsofchildrenwithandwithoutpeerrelationshipissues.

Dataandmethodology

This study was conducted during a longitudinal research project titled ‘Origins ofExclusion inEarlyChildhood’ (see Laine et al., 2010) inwhich a total of 179 childrenparticipated,withparentalconsent.Parentswererecruitedtoparticipateinthepresent

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study based on the results previously obtained from the data on children’s peerrelationships (see Laine et al., 2010; Neitola, 2011), and these parents represented atotalof38childrenoftheoriginalsampleof179childrenoftheabovementionedstudy(seeLaineetal,2010).Igatheredqualitativeresearchdatathroughthematicinterviewswith55parents(N=55,n=37mothers/grandmothers,n=18fathers)ontopicssuchaschildren’s social skills, the social skills parents taught their children and parentalteaching methods. The term ‘parent’ includes here also the relatives who act asguardiansofthechildren(e.g.,grandmothers).Iobtaineddatafromparentsofchildrenwith andwithout peer relationship issues. At the time of the interviews, the parents’childrenwereinthefirstgrade(sevenoreightyearsold).

Iinterviewedeachparentseparately,eveniftwoparentsofthesamechildparticipatedin the study. This study satisfied all ethical requirements by ensuring parents’anonymityandacquiringtheirinformedconsent.Becauseofthesensitivethemesinthisstudy, the protection of both the parents’ and children’s identity is necessary. Thechildren’sanonymityhasbeenguaranteedthroughtheuseofpseudonyms.ForethicalreasonsIhaveselectedquotationsthatrepresentdifferentfamilies.Thus,parentsofthesamechildcannotrecogniseeachother’sresponsesfromtheextracts.Everyparentwasinterviewedby flexibly following the structureof aplanned thematic interviewguide.Interviewees could choose the location of the interview. Some parentswantedme tocome their home, and others wanted to be interviewed at the university. Althoughconducting interviews in the home can include many challenges (see Kallinen,Pirskanen, & Rautio, 2015; MacDonald & Greggans, 2008), I wanted to respect theparents’wishes,andtheyensuredtherewerenodisruptionsduringtheinterviews.

Sensitivityinmystudyconcernsmysubject:parentsandtheiractivitiesinteachingandguidingchildren’ssocialskills.Whenoneisfocussedondescribingonlysunnysidesoffamilylifeandchildrearingpracticeswecantalkabouthappinesswall,asintervieweesaimtohangontoimagesofahappylifeandeasyparenting(seeKallinenetal.,2015).Idid not observe that wall during my interviews very often, but some parentsdistinctively avoided deeper conversations with me. I felt I was told about theirparentingmethodsandexperienceinonlyageneralway,andtheprovidedinformationwaslimited.Myaimwastofindoutwhatkindsofissuesinfamiliesandparentingleadto poor social and emotional outcomes for children. Recognising these issues helpsparents improve their childrearing practices and professionals promote cooperationbetweenparentsbecausechildrenwithpoorsocial-emotionalcompetenceneedsupportfrom all adults living with them. An unfavourable social-emotional developmenttrajectory and its causesmustbemadevisible sowe can change it, as thishazardousdevelopmentcoststoomuchforboththeindividualandsociety.Theresearchershould

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notonlyaimtoavoidharm,but “discoverhowtomakepositivedifference” (Munford,Sanders,Mirfin,Conder,&Conder,2008,p.64).

Data on the interviewed parents’ sociodemographic informationwas gathered from afamily questionnaire sent to the families when the children participating into thelongitudinal research project were six years old. A majority of the parents (n=55)reportedintactfamilies(26outof38families)andtwochildrenperfamily(24outof38families).Otherfamilieswereeitherdivorcedfamilies(1)orsingle-parentfamilies(11).Sixfamilieshadonlyonechild,andfivefamilieshadmorethantwochildren.Eighteenfamilieshadincomesofmorethan1,500eurospermonth,andnearlythesamenumberoffamilies(17)hadincomesbelowthatamount.Sevenfamilies’incomeswereunderthepoverty line (net income of 1190 euros per month). Three families provided noinformationonfamilystructure,netincomeorfamilysize.

Forastartoftheinterviews,parentsevaluatedhowimportanttheythoughtsocialskillswereforindividualsingeneral.Iaskedtheparentstoassessthegeneralimportanceofsocial skills by rating them on a Likert scale of 1 to 5 (1 = not important, 5 = veryimportant).After that, parentswereasked to evaluate their children’s social skills.Tofacilitate this assessment, theywere first asked to list the social skills that their childalreadymasteredand theones theywere still developing.We thendiscussed them inmoredetail.Iftheyneededto,parentscouldrefertoamemorylistofsocialskillsgivenby me. I then aimed to identify the social skills the parents wanted to teach theirchildren. Finally, to gain further insight into the methods and measures the parentsutilised,Iaskedthemtodescribetheirteachingandguidanceapproaches.

Analysis

First, Idivided the interviewedparentsand thedata into twogroups for theanalysis:parentsofchildrenwithpeerrelationshipissues(n=34)andparentsofchildrenwithno such issues (n = 21). Then, I coded the data in accordance with the researchquestions. The unit of the analysis was a word, a sentence or a larger part of theinterview.Thedataweresubjectedtocontentanalysisandquantification.Inanalysingthe data, I mainly followed the principles of data-driven inductive analysis (Miles &Huberman,1994;Schreier,2012;Tuomi&Sarajärvi,2018).Afterorganisingthedata,Iformed main categories and subcategories for each research question. The maincategory for the first researchquestion, theassessmentsof the children’smasteredanddeveloping social skills, included following subcategories: Prosocial skills, emotionalskills, co-operation and conflict resolution, self-confidence and self-esteem skills,entering peer groups, facing failures, communication skills, noticing, perceiving,

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detecting other people, feelings of security, taking advantage of others’ feelings andmood, and the category of nothing to develop. The main category for the secondresearchquestionwassocialskillstaughtandguidedbyparentswhichcontainedsevensubcategories termed prosocial skills, cooperation and conflict resolution, facingfailures,emotionalskills,noticingandperceivingotherpeople,closenessandfeelingsofsecurity, and communication skills. The main category of the last research question,methodsadoptedbyparents, comprisedsubcategories:Discussionswith theirchildren,utilisation of daily occasions, parents as role models, cooperation with professionals,physicalcontactandcloseness,discussionswithotherchildrenandparents,confidentialrelationshipsbetweentheparentandchild,andnoconsciousteachingandguidance.

In addition to verbal data, quantitative results were also produced (see Silverman,2006).Byquantifyingthedata, Ideterminedhowmanytimesthesameitemorthemeoccurred in interviewees’ assessments and descriptions and how many parentsexpressed the same issue (see Schreier, 2012). Quantification facilitated theidentificationofdifferencesintheviewsandactionsofthetwoparentgroups,asthesizeof the parent group of childrenwith peer relationship issueswas bigger (see Patton,2015). Thus, the percentage values provide more meaningful information about thedata. Finally, I comparedparental assessments,methodsand their frequencybetweenthe two groups to identify similarities and differences, as suggested by Tuomi andSarajärvi(2018).Theresultsarepresentedthroughthequalitativeanalysisofinterviewextracts(translatedinEnglishbynon-nativespeaker),alongwithquantitativeanalysisoffrequenciesandpercentagestoachieveamoreholisticunderstandingoftheresearchsubject.Percentagevaluesweretestedstatistically.

Results

Parents’ratingsoftheirchildren’ssocialskills

First, the intervieweeswere asked to rate the general importanceof social skills on ascaleof1–5(1=leastimportantand5=mostimportant).Themajorityoftheparents(52) considered social skills to be the most important ability needed for everydaycommunication and interaction. The lowest rating for social skills was three. Theparticipants realised the importance of these skills and understood that providingsupporttotheirchildrenrequiredhardwork:“Iratethemasfour[outoffive].ThinkingofAtso,hewon’teverbecomethecaptainofthefootballteam–noteverybodywillbethattype.Iacceptthathehasfewgoodfriendsorpeers,butwhenheisascientist,hewillbea

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partofacommunity,surroundedbylikemindedcolleagues”.(motherofAtso,achildwithpeerrelationshipissues).

Duringtheinterviews,mostparentsdeeplyconsideredtheirchildren’sdevelopingandmastered social skills, but some—mostly parents of children with peer relationshipissues—simplyofferedabriefresponse:“Everyskill issatisfactorilymastered”. Table1presents the results of the parents’ assessments of their children’s social skills. Allparentsidentifiedthefourskillsmostinneedofdevelopmentasfollows:prosocialskills,emotionalskills,cooperationandconflictresolution,andfacingfailures.

TABLE1 Interviewedparents’assessmentsof theirchildren’smasteredanddevelopingsocialskills(f,%)

SOCIALSKILLSNEEDINGDEVELOPMENT

PARENTSOFCHILDRENWITHPEERRELATIONISSUES(n=34)f%

PARENTSOFCHILDRENWITHNOPEERRELATIONSISSUES(n=21)f%

ALLPARENTS(N=55)f%

Prosocialskills

Emotionalskills

Co-operationandconflictresolution

Self-confidence and self-esteemskills

Enteringpeergroups

Facingfailures,e.g.losingacontest

Communicationskills

Noticing,perceiving,detectingotherpeople

Feelingsofsecurity

Takingadvantageofothers’feelingsandmood

Nothingtodevelop

2264.7

1647.1

926.5

926.5

720.6

720.6

411.8

25.9

25.9

12.9

514.7

838.1

628.6

314.3

00

00

314.3

14.8

29.5

00

00

14.8

3054.5

2240.0

1221.8

916.4

712.7

1018.2

59.1

47.3

23.6

11.8

610.9

Parentsofchildrenwithpeerrelationshipissues(almostonethirdofthem)ratedtheirchildren’s self-confidence and self-esteem low alongwith the skills of entering a peergroup,whilenoparentofachildwithnopeerrelationshipissuesassessedtheseskillsasnotmastered.Comparedtotheparentsofchildrenwithnopeerrelationshipissues,theparents of children with peer relationship issues more often indicated that theirchildren’sprosocialskillsshouldbeimproved.Twothirdsoftheparentsofchildrenwithpeerrelationshipissuesassessedtheirchildrenasmoreincompetentinprosocialskills,

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whileslightlyoveronethirdoftheparentsofchildrenwithnopeerrelationshipissuesmade similar evaluations. A problem often acknowledged by the parents was theirchildren’slimitedabilitytowaittheirturn:“Laurineedspracticeinwaitinghisturn.Hesucceeds with the help of his parents; he can do it with his peers, but not at home. Itrequiressomepushing”(fatherofLauri,achildwithpeerrelationshipissues).

Nearly half of all parents believed that there was room for improvement in theirchildren’ssetofemotionalskills.Nearlyhalfofthiskindofratingsweregivenbyparentswhose childrenhadpeer relationship issues,while only about one third of parents ofchildren with no peer relationship issues rated their children’s emotional abilitiessimilarly. The mother of Juuso (a child with peer relationship issues) illustrated herson’sabilitiesasfollows:“IthinkJuusocopeswell,butwhenhehasthosetempertantrumsbecausesomethingwentbadly,hethrowsthings,biteshimselfanddefiesparents’teachingand guidance…”. Parents of children with peer relationship issues reported theirchildrenhaddifficultiesregulatingtheiremotionsandatthesametimestruggledwithexpressingtheirfeelingsandbecame“withdrawnandreticent”(motherofViivi,achildwith peer relationship issues). Eero’s father described his son (a child with peerrelationshipissues)inthefollowingwords:“Hebroodsoverhisemotionsuntiltheendoftheworld,alone.Forexample,findingouttheharassmentlastedthreemonths”.Comparedto parents of childrenwith no peer relationship issues, parents of childrenwith suchissues gave lower ratings on all other assessed social skills, with the exception ofnoticing,perceiving,detectingotherpeople(seeTable1).

Cooperationandsolvingconflictsinvarioussituationswerereportedaschallengingformanychildrenwithpeerrelationshipproblems.Accordingtohismother,Simo(achildwith peer relation issues) brooded over and grieved his poor interaction andrelationship experiences still at home in the evenings. This could continue for days,whichalsodisplayedhislowself-confidence.Simoneededconsiderableencouragementfromhisparentstoresolvebadrelationships.Anotherissuewasthehighexpectationsset by the children themselves, which made handling failures more troublesome forthem. Facing failures was also challenging for some of the children with no peerrelationshipproblems,asparentsreported.Parentsfurtherhighlightedtheirchildren’sdifficulties in formingandmaintaining social relationships; for instance, childrenwithpeerrelationship issues found it troublesometoenter intopeergroups, incontrast tochildrenwithnopeer relationship issues.Ahighernumberofparentswhosechildrendidnothavepeer issuesbelieved that their childrenneeded to improve their skillsofnoticing other people. Unlike the parents of children with peer issues, these parentsratedtheirchildrenasfeelingsecureandnevertakingadvantageofothers’feelingsandmood.

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Tosummarise,thedifferencesbetweenthetwoparentgroupswerelargerinthefirstsixcomponentsofsocialskills(Table1);forallotherskillsthedeviationswereminor.Itisworth noticing that some parents rated their children’s skills highly; the majority ofthese parents had children with peer relationship issues, although the difference isnarrow.

Socialskillstaughtandguidedbyparents

Most parents aimed to develop their children’s social abilities. The father of Niina (achildwithnopeerrelationshipissues)highlighted:“Theseallaresuchissueswewanttopayattentionto.Thereismuchtolearn,butconsideringherage,shemanageswell”.Table2presentsthesocialskillstaughtandguidedbyparents.

TABLE2Children’ssocialskillstaughtandguidedbyparents(f,%)

SOCIALSKILLSTAUGHTANDGUIDEDBYPARENTS

PARENTSOFCHILDRENWITHPEERRELATIONSHIPISSUES(n=34)f%

PARENTSOFCHILDRENWITHNOPEERRELATIONSHIPSISSUES(n=21)f%

ALLPARENTS(N=55)f%

Prosocialskills 1955.9 1780.1 3665.5

Cooperationandconflictresolution 67.6 314.3916.4

Facingfailures 38.8 29.5 59.1

Emotionalskills 25.9 29.5 47.3

Noticing,perceivingotherpeople 25.9 14.8 35.5

Closenessandfeelingsofsecurity 12.9 14.8 23.6

Communicationskills 25.9 00 23.6

Ofallsocialskills,parentstaughtandguidedprosocialskillsmosttotheirchildren.Morethan half of all parents tried to influence their children’s prosocial skills, while otherskillswere lessof a focus inbothgroups.Almost all parentsof childrenwithnopeerrelationship issues and approximately two third of parents whose children had peerrelationship issues reported that they prioritised prosocial skills. In particular, theparents, especially those of children with peer issues, emphasised teaching goodmanners:“…thepoliteness,Imean,andgoodmannersandtheabilitytoapologiseandsaythankyou”(parentofTommi,achildwithpeerrelationshipissues).

Nearlyaquarterofallparentsstatedthattheytaughttheirchildrentocooperateandtosolveproblemswithotherpeople.Parentsofchildrenwithnopeerrelationshipissues

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mentionedtheireffortstoteachtheseskillstwiceasmuchasparentsintheothergroup.Only a few parents in both groups mentioned trying to influence their children’sskilfulnessinfacingfailures,aswellasnoticingandperceivingofotherpeople,closenessand feelings of security or communication skills. Although the parents assessed theemotionalskillsoftheirchildrenasneedingsignificantdevelopment,onlyaminorityofparentsreportedtryingtosupporttheimprovementoftheseskills.Parentsofchildrenwithnopeerrelationshipissuesreporteddoingsomoreoftenthanparentsofchildrenwithpeerrelationshipissues.Theywerealsomorelikelytotrytocreateclosenessanddeep contact with their children compared to the parents of children with peerrelationship issues, who focussed more on influencing their children’s noticing,perceivinganddetectingofothersandcommunicationskills.

Insum,bothparentgroupsaimedtoteachtheirchildrensocialskills;parentsofchildrenwithnopeerrelationshipissuesreporteddoingsomarginallymore,butallconcentratedmostly onprosocial abilities.Thedifferencesbetweenparent groups are considerablyminimal.

Parents’teachingandguidancemethodsfortheirchildren’ssocialskills

In this section, I discuss the means adopted by parents to promote children’s socialskills. I first askedparents to describe their teaching and guidancemethods and thencategorisedthemintogroups,asshowninTable3.Overtwothirdsofallparentsuseddiscussionswiththeirchildrentoteachandguidechildren’ssocialskills;thenextmostcommonmethodwastheutilisationofdailyoccasionsasexamplesandepisodes.

Clearmajorityoftheparentsofreportedtheapplicationofdiscussions.Overall,parentsmentioned43differentmodesofdiscussions, includingthroughgeneralconversations,talking about different social occasions, rules, orders, advice, explanations, demands,modelling various situations, findingmethods and describingmake-believe situationsand imagininghowotherpeoplewould feel ineachof them.To thiseffect,oneparentmentioned:“--- thestartingpoint is “what if somethinghappensaroundyou.Wealwaysdiscussifthereissomethingonecanlearnfromthoseevents.Thesearenotthingsthatyoucanlearnfromvideos…theyhavetohappenlive”’(fatherofNiina,achildwithnopeerrelationshipissues).

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TABLE3Teachingandguidingmethodsforsocialskillsadoptedbyparents(f,%)

METHODSADOPTEDBYPARENTS

PARENTSOFCHILDRENWITHPEERRELATIONSHIPISSUES(n=34)f%

PARENTSOFCHILDRENWITHNOPEERRELATIONSHIPISSUES(n=21)f%

ALLPARENTS(N=55)f%

Discussionswiththeirchildren 2985.3 1466.7 4378.2

Utilisationofdailyoccasions 926.5 314.31221.8

Parentsasrolemodels 38.8 29.559.1

Cooperationwithprofessionals(school,kindergarten)

38.81 14.8

47.3

Physicalcontact,closeness 38.8 00 35.5

Discussionswithotherchildrenandparents

12.9 14.823.6

Confidentialrelationshipsbetweentheparentandchild

0029.523.6

No conscious teaching andguidance

38.8 14.847.3

However, the quality of the discussions differed between these parent groups. Thediscussionsof theparents of the childrenwithpeer relations issueswere stressedbyorders,denialsandconcreteadvice.Forexample,themotherofHeikki(achildwithpeerrelationship issues) extract reveals: “--- I have…well, one tries to control and rule thechildren, ---how to find consensus between two adult---Something must be taught bysharing examples of negative things and explaining why such things happened or whysomebodyhaddonethosethings.Itneedstobestatedasclearlyaspossiblewhatyouareallowed to do andwhat youmay not do”. Parents reported that teaching and guidingoccurred mostly in daily life situations, as the father of Saana (a child with no peerrelationship issues) illustrates: “Well, surely thephrases that you've taught tobepoliteandhavegoodmanners, but I've tried todrawattention to them indifferent situationsandgiveguidanceandexplainwhyoneshouldbehaveinacertainmanner”.

A minority of all parents stated that they saw themselves as role models to theirchildren; more parents of children with no peer relationship issues identifiedthemselves as such. A few parents, mostly those of children with peer relationshipissues, lentoncooperationwithprofessionalsorphysicalcontactandcloseness.Someparents, more often parents of children with no peer relationship issues, classifiedconversationswithotherchildrenandparentsandtheirownconfidentialrelationships

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with theirchildrenas their teachingandguidingmethods.Asmallnumberofparents,morefromthegroupwithchildrenwithpeerrelationshipissues,reportedthattheydidnotteachorguidetheirchildren’ssocialskillsatall,atleastnotconsciously.

Discussion

Inthisstudy,thefirstobjectivewastoexamineparents’assessmentsoftheirchildren’smastered and developing social skills and to investigate possible differences betweentheassessmentsofparentsofchildrenwithandwithoutpeerrelationshipissues.Socialskillswere generally highly valued. To a large degree, the parents believed that theirchildren’ssocialskillsneededimprovement.Therewerefourcomponentsofsocialskillsthat were assessed as not mastered by all parents: prosocial skills, emotional skills,cooperation and conflict resolution, and facing failures. In particular, the parents ofchildren with peer relationship issues perceived their children’s social skills assuboptimal. Social skills were generally highly valued. This finding reflects teacherreportsofchildren’ssocialskills(Laine&Neitola,2004).Theyfoundthataccordingtoteachers’ratings,thesocialskillsofchildrenwithpoorpeerrelationshipsweredeficient.In this study, prosocial, emotional, cooperation skills and self-esteem together withenteringpeergroupsand facing failureswereratedasnotmasteredbytheparentsofchildrenwith peer relationship issues.Weaknesses in these essential social skills aretypical for childrenwith competency problems, as earlier research has demonstrated(Bukowski et al., 2011; Cillessen & Bellmore, 2014; Denham, Bassett et al., 2014;Denham,Warrenetal,2014;Eisenbergetal.,2009;Hayetal.,2009;Ladd,2005).Theseweaknesses have been recognised to predict individual differences in social andemotionalcompetencies(seeEisenbergetal.,2009;Gresham&Elliott,2008;Hayetal.,2009; Kupersmidt & DeRosier, 2004; Ladd, 2005; Laine et al., 2010). Positively, theparents recognised the need for further skills development,which at best can lead tobetter outcomes if they systematically intervene in this development. However, therewere a few parents who thought that their children’s social skills did not need anyintervention.Unidentifiedchildren’sneedsunderminethedevelopmentoftheirsocial-emotionalcompetence(Grusec&Davidov,2015;Laibleetal.,2015).

My second objectivewas to discoverwhich social skills parents considered themostimportant to teach their children and to compare the perceptions of parents whosechildrenhavepeerrelationshipproblemstothoseofparentswhosechildrendonot.Theresults indicated that parentsmainly aimed to teach prosocial skills to their children.Other social skillswere reportedly taught less bybothparent groups. Still, parents ofchildren with no peer relationship issues coached their children slightly more than

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parents in the other group. This could be a symptom of their more authoritativechildrearingstyle,whichispositivelyassociatedwithmoreoptimalsocialoutcomesforchildren(Hastingsetal.,2015;Grusec&Sherman,2011).Contrarytomyexpectations,theparentsratedemotionalskillsasonlythefourthmostimportantsocialskillstoteachdespitecitingtheseas thesecondhighestarea for improvement. Itcanbearguedthatchildren do not get enough fundamental guidance for their emotional learning anddevelopment, especially those with peer relationship issues; this can lead to limitedemotionalskills(Denhametal.,2012;Denhametal.,2015;Fabesetal.,2001).Accordingto research evidence, skilful social interaction is related to parents’ high-qualitycoachingandsupport(McDowell&Parke,2009;Mize&Pettit,1997).

Thethirdandlastobjectivewastoexploretheparents’methodsofteachingandguidingchildren’ssocial skillsand thedivergencesbetween theexperiencesof the twoparentgroups.Themainmethodsappliedbyparents to influencetheirchildren’ssocialskillswerehavingdiscussionswiththemandutilisingdailysituationsandencountersasbothexamples of interaction situations, and teaching and guiding contexts. Still, coachingchildrenonsocialskillstendedtobemoretypicalamongtheparentsofchildrenwithnopeer relationship issues. Discussion falls under the parents’ role as a supervisorwithdirect influence; discussions include advice giving, coaching and teaching (Ladd, 2005Lollis et al., 1992;Parke et al., 2004;Tomlin, 2007).The twoparent groups exhibiteddifferencesintheirdiscussionmethodsandcontent.Paralleltoearlierstudies,parentsofchildrenwithpeerrelationship issuesweremore ineffectiveatadvicegiving,whichhas been found to lead to poorer management of social skills (Ladd & Pettit, 2002;McDowell&Parke,2009;O’Neil&Parke,2000;Russell&Finnie,1990).Evidently,theirteachingisnotadjustedtothechild’szoneofproximaldevelopment(Grusec&Sherman,2011). Low-power behavioural control with warmth but firmness using inductivereasoning has been suggested to have more positive effects on children’s social-emotional learning (Hastings et al., 2015). Several parents in this study taught socialskillsthroughdailysituationsandencountersintheeverydayfamilycontext,whichisanatural and effective method for children’s social-emotional learning (Ladd & Pettit,2002; Laible et al., 2015; Lollis et al., 1992). A minority of parents in both groupsidentified themselves as models of social skills, although parental practices andmodelling have been shown to be effective teaching methods (Denham, et al., 2015;Denhamet al., 2012;Denham, et al., 2014; Ladd, 2005;O’Neil&Parke, 2000;Tomlin,2007).Parents seemtohavedifficulties inperceiving their importanceas rolemodelsforsociallyandemotionallycompetentintercourse.

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Finally,theresultsindicatethatparentalpatternsandchild-rearingpracticesrelatingtosocial-emotional skills varybetween the caregivers of childrenwith andwithoutpeerrelationshipissues.However,oneshouldbearinmindthatthetestedpercentagevaluesbetweenthegroupswerenotstatisticallysignificant.Thus,thequantitativeresultsmustbe seen only as suggestive. Furthermore, although some of the interviewed parentsrepresented the same children, their answers were not compared, which could haverevealed contrasts between parents of the same child. Dichotomic design can bechallenging due to the heterogeneity of parents and children. Methodologicaltriangulationwasusedtomorethoroughlyobtainthequality,diversityanddimensionsofparents’assessmentsandactivities(seeDrew,Hardman,&Hosp,2008).

Conclusions

Exploringparentalinfluenceonandexperienceofteachingtheirchildren’ssocialskills,aspartoftheirsocial-emotionalcompetence,revealedseveralfactorsrelatedtosocial-emotional learning. Childrenwith peer relationship issues often have deficits in theirsocial skills; these were also perceived by their parents. Despite these perceptions,caregiversactivelyteachtheseskillstotheirchildrenlessandthroughmoreineffectivetechniques compared to parents of children without problematic peer relationships.This trend hampers the trajectory of social-emotional development. Changing thisunfavourable progression requires, first, increasing knowledge of the importance ofsocial-emotionalcompetenceamongstparentsandprofessionalsworkingwithchildrenandfamilies(e.g.,childwelfareclinics),andsecond,usingmoresystematicallyplannedand implemented social-emotional learning (SEL) programmes in early childhoodeducation, schools, and other learning environments. Third, effectively influencingchildren’s social skills and social-emotional competence requires closer multi-professional cooperation with parents and other professionals, as also Bierman andMotamedi(2015)haveunderlined.

Acknowledgments

Ithankeveryparentforparticipatingintheinterviewsandprovidingcriticalandinsightfulcomments.

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