parenting-power point pres. master
TRANSCRIPT
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PARENTING
By Richard Esquivel
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WHAT IS PARENTING ?
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Parenting is the experiences, skills, qualities, and responsibilities involved in being a parent and in teaching and caring for a child. (Microsoft Encarta)
The process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. (Wikipedia)
Definitions
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Is parenting natural or learned?
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• Love & affection• Protection• Food & shelter
Instinct(Basic
Survival Needs)
• Discipline• Responsibility• Morals, values, ethics
Learned Skills
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New York Times Magazine - March 25, 2005
A study by the Australian Institute of Family Studies:
- Surveyed 5,000 parents aged 18 – 55
- 58% of the youngest mothers (18-25) believed that parenting comes naturally compared with 27% of mothers aged 45-54 believing the same
- 44% Fathers aged 25-35 felt more confident in their natural abilities as opposed to 40% of mothers in the same age group
- Both mothers and fathers became less certain in their natural abilities as the age of parents increased.
- However the gap between the genders remained
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Video on parenting
http://fora.tv/2007/09/13/Foundations_of_Good_Parenting
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Dr. Diana Baumrind – Theory of Parenting Styles
- She is a Clinical & Developmental Psychologist from the Institute of Human Development at the University of California, Berkeley - She is well known for her studies & research on parenting.
- Her theory of parenting styles are based on three dimensions…they are:
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Parental Responsivenes
s
The degree to which parents
respond to child’s needs
Parental Demandingnes
s
The demand for mature,
responsible behavior from
the child
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AUTHORITARIAN
Giving orders
“Because I said so!”
INDULGENT/PERMISSIVE
Giving in
“Whatever you want.”
Dr. Baumrind’s 4 Parenting Styles
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DEMOCRATIC/AUTHORITATI
VE
Give Choices
“You can go to the movies but you will have
less money for new sneakers.”
NEGELCTFUL/
UNINVOLVED
Doesn’t care,
indifferent, emotionally unattached
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Most parent can be classified into three of the main types by the style in which they guide their children.
As we discuss each, think about where your own parents fit most appropriately.
Do each of your parents use the same style?
Do you fit the outcome?
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Authoritarian StyleLimits without Freedom
Parents’ word is the law
Parents must have absolute control Misconduct is punished.
Affection and praise are rarely given.
Try to control childrens’ behavior and attitudes
Unquestioned obedience is valued
Children are told what, how, where, & when
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Outcomes of Authoritarian Style
Obedient
Distrustful
Discontent
Withdrawn
Unhappy
HostileEither low or high achievers
May eventually rebel
Children from authoritarian homes are so
strictly controlled, either by punishment or
guilt, that they are often prevented from
making a conscious choice about particular
behavior because they are overly
concerned about what their parents will do.
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Parents allow their children to do their own thing.
Little or no respect for order and routine.
Parents make few demands on children.
Impatience is hidden.
Discipline is lax
Parents are resources rather than standard makers
Rarely punish
Non controlling, non-demanding
Usually warm
Children walk all over the parents
Indulgent / Permissive Style
Freedom without limits
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Children from permissive homes receive
so little guidance that they often become
uncertain and anxious about whether they
are doing the right thing.
Aggressive
Least self—reliant
Least self-controlled
Least exploratory
Most unhappy
Outcome of Permissive Parenting
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Neglectful Style
- low self-esteem
- social isolation
-unable to take care of a child because of their own
emotional needs
- are unfamiliar with a nurturant family environment
- lack support systems
- unable to express feelings to spouse
- extreme external stress and life crises
- isolated individuals who have difficulty forming
relationships and carrying on the routine tasks of everyday
life
- inconsistent
Characteristics of Neglectful Parents
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Characteristics of Neglected Children
- abandonment
- left alone without adequate
supervision
- inadequate clothing and personal
hygiene
- lack of adequate medical and dental
care
- inadequate education
- inadequate nutrition
- inadequate shelter
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Democratic /Authoritative Style- Balances freedom with responsibility- Establishes clear expectations- Provides limited choices - Learn and experience consequences for their own choices and actions- Promotes self-regulation- Focuses on encouragement and acknowledgement of good behavior
Provides freedom within set limits
Stress freedom along with rights of others and responsibilities of all
Parents set limits and enforce rules
Willing to listen receptively to child’s requests and questions.
Children contribute to discussion of issues and make some of their own decisions
Exert firm control when necessary, but explain reasoning behind it.
Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique personalities.
Loving, consistent, demanding
Combine control with encouragement
Reasonable expectations and realistic standards
Middle ground between Authoritarian and Indulgent
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Outcomes of Authoritative/Democratic Style
Children whose parents expect them
to perform well, to fulfill
commitments, and to participate
actively in family duties, as well as
family fun, learn how to formulate
goals. They also experience the
satisfaction that comes from meeting
responsibilities and achieving
success.
Happy
Mostly self-reliant
Mostly self-controlled
Content, friendly, generous
Cooperative
High-achieving
Less likely to be seriously disruptive or delinquent
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Effects of Parenting Styles
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Effects of Parenting Styles
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Why does authoritative parenting work? - Dr. Baumrind
Control that is fair and reasonable (i.e. not arbitrary).
Nurturing parents who are secure in the standards they hold for their children provide models of caring concern as well as confident, self-controlled behavior.
A child's modeling of these parents provides emotional regulation skills, emotional understanding, and social understanding.
Parents who combine warmth and rational and reasonable control are likely to be more effective reinforcing agents.
They praise children for striving to meet their expectations and making good use of disapproval, which works best when applied by an adult who is warm and caring.
Parents make demands that fit with children's ability to take responsibility for their own behavior.
Children subsequently learn that they are competent individuals who can do things successfully for themselves. This fosters high self-esteem, cognitive development, and emotional maturity.
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Video - Parenting Styles
Authoritarian – Give Orders
Indulgent – Giving in
Authoritative – Giving choices
Neglectful Style
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Describe parenting in the US.
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The Changing Context of Parenting in the United StatesDr. Larry Bumpass, Professor of Sociology U. of Wisconsin, Madison
- Family is a major factor in the well-being of adults, children, and society
- stability of family life is clearly decreasing
- One half of all children will spend some time in a single parent family.
- From 1960 to 1992 the proportion of children in single parent families more than doubled among
whites and African-Americans.
-Economic stress: A quarter of all children are spending at least part of their childhood in poverty.
Individualism and the Market Economy -The seeds of individualism were brought to America from Europe, where individualism plays an
important role in family change as well.
-Individualism creates a climate in which responsibility to others and the attractiveness of
childrearing are diminished. These changes are increasingly being adopted in Eastern–Asia.
-As a result occupational roles take priority over family roles.
Decreasing Stability in the lives of children:
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The Changing Context of Parenting in the United States…..continued
Relative Value and Revealed Preference:
-Revealed preferences is a term which basically mean "actions speak louder than words.“
(Investing in home remodeling rather than the family (i.e. family vacations,
investing in children’s interests, etc.)
-Relative Value is the notion that we tend to value things (variably from high to low)
depending on how much we think we can gain from it vs. how much we think we need
to
invest in it.-The values of independence and the realization of individual goals and self-definition
are more important , and parenting roles are becoming less important.
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The Changing Context of Parenting in the United States…..continued
Other factors effecting parenting and childrearing:
- Divorce and separation
- Pre-marital sex: Among the unmarried population 80% of all pregnancies are
unintended. Marriage no longer signifies a solid commitment to a lifetime
relationship.
Hence infidelity, divorce, separation, & fulfillment of other personal needs over the
needs of family.
- Single parent families by choice - single parenthood in itself no longer is stigmatizing
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Some stressors parents face
- Relationship with their spouse
- Finances
- Daily hassles, too busy, there never seems to be enough time
- Demanding job or career
- Loss of a job
- Dealing with their children’s problems & behaviors
- Relationship with children
- Child having problems in school
- Having a special needs child
- Divorce, separation
- Severe illness or death in the family
- No time for themselves
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What are some causes of bad parenting ?
- Lack of parenting skills - parents themselves were not taught
- Parents were raised the same way
- Unplanned pregnancy
- Culture / tradition
- Overall Stress, which can further lead to problems such as alcohol abuse and child
abuse or neglect
- Feelings of guilt
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8 ways science shows that parents go wrong when disciplining their kidsJune 2008 – U.S. News
1. Fail to set limits
2. Overprotective
3. They nag, lecture, repeat, and then yell.
4. They praise too much – and badly.
5. Punish too harshly
6. They tell their child how to feel.
7. Hold grades and test scores above creativity
8. They forget to have fun.
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Characteristics of Parenting in the United States
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What are some things parents use to substitute for their own parenting?
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Some consequences of bad parenting
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Family needs: - Spouse
- Kids - Household
Taking care of yourself
Career/job
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Parenting Across Cultures
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Parenting Across CulturesUnited States: Emphasizes individualism, personal achievement and independence
European culture: Legal drinking ages vary (from no minimum to age 18). It’s common for parents to allow their kids to drink alcohol, before reaching legal age limit, to learn responsible drinking.
Canadian Arctic - Inuit tribal culture: Misbehaving children are not scolded or punished — the parents instead ignore them. This is not casual indifference, but rather the belief that a child is simply not old enough to be taught how to behave-not until about age 12. (From the book “Hummocks” by Jean Maluiare – a book about Canadian Inuit Life,
2007)
Korean-American culture: If you’re college bound, then your only goal is an Ivy League education . (Rev. Soon Kook Ahn, Hamden Plains
United Methodist Church, Hamden, CT)
New Guinean tribal culture: It is common for mothers to masturbate their infant children in order to pacify them.
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Parenting Across Cultures
- Caucasian middle-class parenting is characterized by an authoritative style.
-It is generally agreed that these children are taught to love and respect each other, that all are
individuals, and that all are free to be open and honest.
- Caucasian children are encouraged to value individual differences, "doing" rather than "being,"
the future rather than the present, emotionally detached relationships, material well-being, and
competition and to consider many options when solving problems.
- These are the behaviors that middle-class Caucasians believe are responsible for their economic
success.
White Middle-Class Families
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Parenting Across Cultures…continued
African-American Families
- A history of persistent racial prejudice and discrimination is an important intervening factor.
- Explicit racial socialization (i.e., coping skills for survival in a hostile environment) is clearly a
distinctive feature of child rearing among African-American parents .
-believe in the value of strictness, expect early assumption of responsibility by the child for his or
her own bodily functions and personal feelings, expect that the child's time will be used wisely and
not wasted, and encourage the child's involvement in decision making.
-A stricter parenting style, across social class lines, is thought necessary to develop effective coping
abilities in the face of racism and discrimination.
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Parenting Across Cultures…continued
Hispanic-American Families
-tend to emphasize family closeness in their daily lives; functional dominance of males,
complemented by a positive and traditional role for women
- reinforcement of sex-role distinctions through child-rearing practices; strong kinship bonds;
centrality of children; repression of feminine attributes in males; and precedent for a male as head
of the household.
-In addition, Mexican-American families have been found to be more cohesive than other minority
families.
-There is lack of consensus about parenting behaviors in Mexican-American families. Some
descriptions include parents being primarily permissive, some reports indicate that they are
authoritarian, and others indicate that parents are nurturing and affectionate within the patriarchal,
authoritarian family structure.
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Parenting Across Cultures…continued
Asian-American Families- Family life has been the center piece
-duty, obligation, and self-sacrifice to elders
- primogeniture (first son inheriting the family's worth) are common practices.
- There have been varying degrees of assimilation into Western culture A shift in traditional beliefs
is being observed. Values that seem to remain important include a strong sense of importance of
family over the individual, self-control to achieve societal goals, and appreciation of one's cultural
heritage .
- Asian-American families are described as hard working, conforming, and cohesive, transmitting
cultural values similar to those of Caucasian, middle-class families.
-In a comparison of child-rearing attitudes, it is found that Chinese-Americans were more
controlling, more achievement oriented, and more encouraging of independence than were
Caucasian parents.
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"There are stereotypes out there about birth order, and very often those stereotypes are spot-on,"
Delroy Paulhus –Professor of Psychology , University of British Columbia in Vancouver.
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Elliot“Teddy”
vs.
Birth Order – Time Magazine
became US President institutionalized for his addictions,
died at age 34
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Birth Order
Cal Ripken Jr. Bill Ripken
vs.
Prof. career 1987-98, now a radio personality
Prof. career 1981-2001,19 time All-Star, 3000 hit club,
Hall of Famer, President and CEO Of Ripken Baseball Inc.
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Birth Order – Time Magazine
* A group of Norwegians released a study in 2007: - firstborns are generally smarter than their siblings - average a three-point IQ advantage over the next eldest - may be a result that comes from mentoring younger siblings, assume the position of being a role model, and being the protector
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Birth Order – Time Magazine
“The differences don't stop there.”
Studies in the Philippines of later-born siblings:
- tend to be shorter and weigh less
- less likely to be vaccinated than older ones, sometimes at only half the rate of
firstborns.
- Eldest siblings are disproportionately represented in lower-paying professions
- Younger siblings, by contrast, are loose- cannons, less educated and less
strapping, but statistically likelier to live the exhilarating life of an artist or a comedian,
an adventurer, entrepreneur, GI or firefighter.
- Middle children - they can be a puzzle even to researchers
6’5” 230 lbs.
6’4” 225 lbs.
6’4” 220 lbs.
6’1” 186 lbs.
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“ I'm a middle-born, so that explains everything in my life'—it's just not like that. "
Toni Falbo - Professor of Educational Psychology, University of Texas.
Skeptics on Birth Order
Alex & Eddie Van Halen
The Jonas Bros.
Peyton & Eli Manning
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Humans aren’t alone
- Are remarkably cunning when it comes to planning their families-Like most other birds, egrets lay multiple eggs - However, mama-bird will lay only 1 or 2 at a time about every 2 to 3 days which causes chicks to hatch on successive days, which gives the first 1 or 2 chicks a head start on growth.-The 2nd set of hatched chicks may not have too difficult time catching up-The 3rd may have a struggle.-The 4th, 5th, and beyond will have the most difficult time. May get pushed aside and may even get pecked to death by their stronger siblings if food, water, and shelter become scarce.
* It makes for a nasty nursery, but it makes sense (to mama bird at least). The logic behind this is that mama-bird will produce 1 or 2 more chicks it can normally afford to raise, then let them take the fall when resources become scarce.
Egrets
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Oranges
-A tree will average about 100,000 pollinated blossoms-Only about 500 oranges are produced within the course of a season-It’s the tree that determines which oranges make the final cut-Considered a selective termination- “The tree just drops all the losers.”
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Mammals
- Runts are ignored and pushed aside
- The rest of the litter is left to fight for the best producing nipple
- They get the worst spot to nurse
- undernourished and underdeveloped
- Mothers will sometimes devour the runt (and in some cases the entire litter)
if they sense it has little or no chance to survive
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Other Advantages of First-Borns - Time
“ Families invest a lot in first-borns.”
- More time and attention from parents
- More emotional nurturing
- Better educational opportunities
- 43% of CEOs are first-borns, 33% are middle children, and 23% are last-
borns
"There is some expectation that firstborns are somehow better qualified for certain occupations."
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Parents Effect on Younger Siblings – Time Magazine
Younger siblings tend to use “low-power” coping strategies.
-They tend to be humorous, charming, artistic, and creative
- Some of history’s youngest-born include: Voltaire, Jonathan Swift, Mark Twian, & Stephen Colbert (of the Colbert Report).
-Personality tests show that while firstborns score especially well on the dimension of temperament known as conscientiousness—a sense of general responsibility and follow-through—later-borns score higher on what's known as agreeableness, or the simple ability to get along in the world.
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The Middle Child – Time Magazine
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The Middle Child – Time Magazine
- Middle children are risk takers- They tend engage in “attention-getting” behaviors- Stuck for life in the “center seat:- Feel short-changed on family resources- Never get as much of the parents time, attention, and money since they are never alone.- Eldest tend to make incremental improvements on what already exists, while middle children (and youngest as well) tend to “blow-up the train and lay new track.”
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De-Identification – Time Magazine
- Siblings who hope to stand out often do so by observing what the elder child does and then doing the opposite.
- If the firstborn gets good grades and takes a job after school, the second-born may conform to the role of the slacker.
-The third-born may then de-de-identify, opting for industriousness in more unconventional ways.
- A Chinese study in the 1990s showed just this kind of zigzag pattern, with the first child generally scoring high as a "good son or daughter," the second scoring low, the third scoring high again and so on. - In a three-child family, the very act of trying to be unique may instead leave the middle child lost, a pattern that may continue into adulthood.
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New Birth-Order Study: Parents Spend More Time With First-Born
- First-born kids receive 20-30 minutes a day of quality time from parents than 2nd born kids of the same age from similar families.
-First-borns tend to have higher IQs, are higher achieving, more conscientious.
- Later-born siblings tend to be more rebellious, liberal, and agreeable.
- First-borns are usually punished more harshly, and later-borns are given more slack.
- However their research found that birth order has little impact on social attitudes, contradicting the notion that first-borns conservative, supportive of authority, and tough-minded.
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Holes in the Theory – Time Magazine
“There's a lot that can throw it out of balance.”
- A 2005 study examined the case histories of 400 abused children and the 795 siblings In general, they found that when only one child in the family was abused, the scapegoat was usually the eldest.
- When a younger child was abused, some or all of the other kids usually were abused as well.
- Mistreatment of any of the children breaks the bond the parents have with the firstborn, turning that child from parental ally to defender.
- The eldest may pick up some of the younger kids' agreeableness skills—the better to deal with irrational parents—while the youngest learn some of the firstborn's self-sufficiency.
-Other factors to throw-off the theory are: family size, income, hometown, education, religion, ethnicity, geographical region, and more.
-“The real proof is the family design.” Which assumes that birth order has almost no effect. (Bo Cleveland – Prof. of Human Development and Family Studies, Penn State University)
-The article claims that the birth order theory applies to females as well, however the articles fails to provide any studies or empirical data on the female-factor.
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Parenting as portayed on TV
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Attitudes towards parenting portrayed on television1950s
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1970s
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1980s
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1990s – 2000s
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Popular TV programsfrom past generations
vs. Popular TV programs in the 1990s
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-There is no evidence that children of lesbian and gay parents are confused about their gender identity, either in childhood or adulthood, or that they are more likely to be homosexual.
- Are children stigmatized for having gay or lesbian parents? And if so, how much?
Same-Sex marriage and parenting
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video on gay parenting
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Final Thoughts
-Parenting is a much bigger job than we realize (or want to realize)
-No matter how ready you believe you are, you will always have lots to learn about parenting.
-We all make mistakes. Don’t dwell on the past. Learn from your mistakes.
-Educate yourself about child rearing and whenever possible.
- Don’t just simply fulfill the responsibilities of a caretaker, be a “mommy or a daddy”.
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