This is it!Whether you are a parent of a Mazel veteran seventh grader or just enrolled your toddler in their first pre-nursery, like

most parents, you have a long term game plan for your child(ren) that winds through a top high school, up the mountain to an elite college, and settles them comfortably at a prestigious career of their choice (their choice = your choice.) After that you can finally exhale.

But not until then! Many parents view any bump or detour in this path as a cataclysmic, irreversible event. A less than perfect mark, not making the honor list, or not excelling at an activity that in the parents’ eyes is the only path to success sends the parents into a panic and to the medical cabinet for the strongest available anxiety medication. It is at these moments that we must reflect on our own paths. Your parents had a path for you, and their own medical cabinet with anxiety remedies that they probably used more than you know, and even though at times you went your own way, it all turned out alright.

Guide your kids, push them to succeed, but give them the freedom to make their own choices. Don’t think that small

setbacks will lead to large failures. And remember, always, always keep anxiety remedies within reach. The Mazel Parent Page Executive Committee

will gladly share our remedies with you.

Have a great school year!

MAZEL DAY SCHOOL

October 2013: Tishrei - Cheshvan 5774 ISSUE 22

In This Issue

B”H

Intro Letter: Welcome Back To School! 2

Family Fun: Weekend Picks 3

Cartoon Caption Contest Winner 4

Recipies: Desserts 5

Book Selections of the Month 5

Parent Talk: Parent Interview 6

Humor: Stop Whining About it 7

Teacher Talk: Teacher Interview 8

It Worked for Me: Back To School 9

Organizing Tips & Tricks

From Russia to Mazel: A Changing 10

View on Education

Parenting Book of the Month 10

Help!: Modern Parenting 12

Pictures: Behind the scenes 15

Upcoming Events

October 20

October 27

October 28

October 30/31

Fall Parent Social

Fall Clean Up Event

Jewish Women’s Circle

Loaves of Love

2

Dear Mazel Parents,Welcome back to school! If this is your first year at Mazel, welcome to our school. As the new K-8 General Studies Educational Director, I am excited to join the team at Mazel and become a member of this great school community. Mazel enjoys a reputation as a child-centered, value oriented institution dedicated to academic excellence and Jewish heritage. I firmly believe in Mazel’s vision of empowering students with effective tools within a warm, nurturing environment of significant relationships, a hallmark of progressive education.

As I make this transition to Mazel, I am aware of the anticipation and eagerness that accompanies new leadership in any organization. I know that change can provoke both excitement and anxiety. It is my goal to spend my first few months learning about our school and all of its stakeholders. I am interested in hearing about your hopes and dreams for our school. I believe that genuine collaboration fosters ownership of a rich school culture. I am constantly reminded that supporting our students to do well at school and to build the moral foundation of their lives within a Jewish context is the center of our work.

I am honored to have been selected to serve this community, and will work hard to gain your trust and respect as Mazel’s K-8 General Studies Educational Director.

During my 25 years of involvement in many aspects of the Jewish Educational field, nurturing the hearts, minds, and souls of staff, students, and parents has become my passion. I possess a significant record of accomplishment in the field of education. Before coming to Mazel Day School, I held positions as teacher, principal, teacher educator, center director and educational program coordinator. My dedication and enthusiasm for working for and with students, teachers, and parents, extends far beyond the classroom, and I strive for continued growth and improvement while providing excellence in the field of education.

Please feel welcome to volunteer for a project, read a book to your child’s class, or simply stop by to say hi. I believe it is important for your children to know their

General Studies Educational Director and I will work hard to make sure that happens. My hope is that you and your child will find me as approachable and easy to speak to and that you won’t hesitate to contact me if you ever have questions, concerns, or you just want to share good news about our school or your child. You will frequently find me at lunch with the students or in classrooms throughout the school. I hold myself accountable for being a visible presence in the classrooms, hallways, and at extra-curricular events.

I would like to close by once again telling you how much I am looking forward to working with the parents, students, and staff at Mazel Day School and continuing to provide a positive and warm atmosphere where every student can reach his/her potential. Thank you for the opportunity to work with your children. I am truly honored.

Best wishes for a happy and healthy new year.

Sincerely, Mrs. Rivkah Dahan K-8 General Studies Educational Director

By Rivkah DahanWELCOME BACK TO SCHOOL!

Intro Letter

3

Apple Picking at Silverman’s Farm• 451 Sprot Hill Road (Rt. 59), Easton CT, 203-261-3306

• Daily, 9 am – 4:30 pm

• www.silvermansfarm.com

Apple-picking is a classic fall activity, beloved by both kids and adults. This year’s featured farm is Silverman’s Farm in Easton, CT, about 1.5 hour drive away from Brooklyn. The farm‘s fame comes from being toddler-friendly, with many small trees within the little people’s reach. In addition to fruit orchards, they have a pumpkin patch full colorful squashes, gourds, cornstalks and hay bales, and an animal petting farm (additional small fee) with a buffalo, llamas, alpacas, sheep, goats, fallow deer, emus, and exotic birds.

Prospect Park• www.prospectpark.org

• FREE

Enjoy the fall foliage in the Prospect Park, and hit the local favorites, like the Park’s antique carousel, engaging playgrounds, Audubon Center, and Lefferts Historic House. On the weekends through the end of October there is an interactive activity at the Audubon Center (12- 4pm) that allows you to directly engage with nature through outdoor learning adventures. Tours of the 2nd floor of the Lefferts Historic House take place every half-hour on the weekends through October 27, from 1 to 4:30 pm. On weekends in October get moving at Race Around the Farmyard program in the Lefferts yard (2-4 pm). Also, every Sunday (October 6 -27) at 2 & 3 pm is a story-telling time at the Lefferts.

Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp @ Puppetworks• 338 Sixth Ave @ 4th St. Brooklyn

• Weekends at 12:30 p.m. and 2:30 pm, until Dec. 22

• $9 adults, $8 children

• puppetworks.org

Puppetworks is a renowned marionette theater company under the direction of Nicolas Coppola, nestled in a cozy space in Park Slope. Currently on their repertoire is Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp (based on a tale from 1001 Arabian Nights), accompanied by the music of Aram Khachaturian’s “Gayane” ballet. The show features spectacular effects such as the Flying Carpet, a Vanishing Castle, and a “live” Genie of the Lamp. This show is recommended for ages 4 and up.

WEEKEND PICKS

Family FunBy Elina Rokhkind

4

Down to Earth Farmers Market

• Brooklyn Bridge Park Pier 6

• Every Sunday til November 24, 2013

• 11:00 am - 4:00 pm

• www.brooklynbridgepark.org/events/calendar/down-earth-farmers-market

Down to Earth Farmers Markets curates and manages approximately twenty farmers markets in and around New York City. Head to Pier 6 on Sundays to check out the very best in fresh, locally grown produce and food. Vendors such as American Pride Seafood, Garden of Eve Organic Farm, and Pie Corps will each be on hand selling their farm-fresh goods. Details: Pier 6, Atlantic Ave and Furman St, Brooklyn.

Fall Weekend Discovery Work-shops• Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

• Drop in 1–3 p.m. October 20

Drop in for family nature activities this fall! Discovery workshops provide a fun, educational way for children to enjoy the Garden together with their grown-ups. We will celebrate a different autumnal topic each weekend of the season. Workshops include investigating natural objects in a learning station, story reading, a garden hunt, and a nature project or a plant for children to take home.

WEEKEND PICKS

Family FunBy Irene Gabo

CARTOON CAPTION CONTEST WINNER

“Two Jews have three opinions: any way you look at it.”

Igor Feldman, PT

5

INGREDIENTS:

2.5 cups flour; 2 cups white sugar; 7 spoons of cocoa; 1 teaspoons baking soda; 1 baking powder; 4 eggs; 3/4 cup canola oil; 1.5 cups of water

INSTRUCTIONS: Preheat oven to 350 °F (175 °C). Use a 19x13-inch pan.

In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda and baking powder.

In a small bowl, combine the eggs, oil and water.

Make a well in the center of the large bowl and pour in the combined eggs, oil and water. Mix until smooth.

Bake in the preheated oven for 35 to 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Allow to cool.

MAKE SURE YOU GET YOUR KIDS INVOLVED IN THE PROCESS!

DESSERTS By Rachel Calipha

Recipes

Book Selections of the Month

I am always on a search for children’s books that my kids ages 3, 5, and 7 will all enjoy hearing, and will ask me to re-read again, and again and again, to the point that I can recite out of memory, on that dreary weekday when my eyes are so tired, I can’t even see what’s written in the book.

Two years ago I happened to stumble upon a “Room on a Broom” by Julia Donaldson, while standing on line at Marshall’s, of all places. It quickly became a favorite, which lead us to “Gruffalo”, “Snail and a Whale” and other books by Ms. Donaldson, all of them illustrated by her frequent collaborator, Alex Scheffler. We have since acquired their entire collection, and even though my oldest has outgrown some of the simpler stories, like “Tiddler”, he enjoys reading them to his youngest brother.

The common thread along all of the books is that they all have terrific little adventures within them that rhyme. From a mouse that encounters a scary Gruffalo, to a Stick Man trying to get back to his family, to a witch who flies around on a broom with her pet friends, these stories mesmerized and enthralled my kids.

The latest one we read is “Charlie Cook’s Favorite Book” and it’s another winner. The book starts with a boy sitting in his comfy chair to read his favorite book, which is about a character reading his favorite book, and it comes full circle to a clever conclusion. It’s almost a book within a book and the illustrations which are done in crayon, watercolor and pencil are beautiful.

Easy Chocolate Cake kids WILL love!!!!

By Irene Gabo

6

By Yekaterina I lyaguyev

Interview with Marina Basov Marina Basov is a proud mom of two children. Both of her children are currently attending Mazel Day School. Aaron is in the Pre-K class, while Hannah attends the Nursery class. Ma-rina was born in Tiraspol, Moldova and immi-grated to the U.S. when she was 9 years old. She has an accounting degree from Baruch College and is currently working as a CPA in the Financial Services Tax group at EisnerAmp-er, a public accounting firm. Marina met her husband, Michael, at a camping trip with her friends. Two years later, after a thorough and rigorous background check, a new Jewish fam-ily was formed. Michael is also a CPA working for one of the top Private Equity Funds. Marina, Michael and their two kids currently live in Mid-wood.

What was your favorite book(s) growing up? Have you read it to your child? I loved The Wizard of Oz growing up. I would get lost in the magic of this book over and over again. I can’t wait to read it with my kids once they are old enough.

What is your favorite activity with your child? Anything we get to do as a family even if it’s just going to a local park.

What character traits of your children always make you smile? Aaron is very warm and thoughtful of others. Hannah is a wild and fearless lady – she leads the way on all doctor appointments and vaccine shots! Together they make a great team!

Describe one occasion when your kids really made you proud? When my kids walk into a new place together they always walk in holding hands which makes me feel like they are always supporting each other. It makes me proud to know they have such a strong relationship.

Why did you decide to send your children to Mazel Day School? What aspects of the school did you like most? Our decision to send the kids to Mazel was pretty simple. Growing up it was instilled in me to marry a Jewish man, and to keep our culture and religion strong. However, I did go to public school so the idea wasn’t reinforced anywhere outside of the home. My husband, on the other hand, graduated from a Yeshiva and had more of a Jewish education. He explained to me that in order for our kids to truly appreciate our

family and want to have a similar Jewish family – they will have to learn the beauty of Jewish traditions. Jewish way is about instilling family values and building good character traits. This is why Mazel was our top choice.

What do you like most about Mazel Day School today? I love my kids’ Morahs at Mazel. From pre-nursery to Pre-K, the teachers are amazing. I felt their warmth and attentiveness towards my kids and I admire their excitement to teach my kids to succeed, to be more independent and confident.

Please describe how Mazel Day School has benefited your children to date. My kids became more affectionate and independent. In an intimate environment, Mazel nurtures my kids to be more caring and self-disciplined, to enjoy learning and develop friendships. It has also benefited our family as a whole. The kids have brought home challah every Friday and we have slowly implemented a new family tradition of a Shabbat dinner.

What changes (if any) would you like to see that would make Mazel Day School an even better school? I definitely want to see Mazel grow and expand to more classes per grade.

PARENT INTERVIEW

Parent Talk

7

By Gennady Favel

As most of our past readers already know, and what new readers will soon learn, Mazel’s Parent Page newsletter is all about being helpful, simplifying complicated issues, and generally just a being a great reference to all things Mazel related. That is why we are introducing a new section in this issue called Stop Whining About It. In this section we analyze tough situations you might encounter in and around our community and offer expert advice on how to deal with them. Enjoy!

1. You are driving down Neptune Avenue eager to reach

the promised land of Brighton 6th where you envision

an effortless deposit of your preschooler and an escape

into freedom coupled with a temporary return of sanity.

You arrive at the intersection and make the turn. To your

dismay the parking situation has not improved since the last

57 times you made the exact same trip. All the top choice

spots such as the fire hydrant space, the triple parking next

to the shule and the neighbor’s driveway have already been

occupied by other parents. Not being one to cave under

pressure you leave your car at the intersection, grab your

bundle of joy and sprint toward to the building. As you

enter, you hand the child off to someone who looks like

their teacher and turn around to run back to the car with

another successful morning drop-off under your belt. As

you drive off you mumble to yourself that this situation has

to improve. Our advice: Stop Whining About It! It probably

won’t.

2. It’s four o’clock and you pick up your 6th grader and

their friend from Mazel. They jump into the backseat

of your car and you drive off. The kids start talking between

themselves but you cannot understand a single word they

are saying, its like they are speaking a different language.

In fact, they are speaking a different language, they are

practicing their Hebrew. As you drive, they start pointing

at you and giggling. Are they laughing at you? You can’t

understand a single word they say. Finally, your frustration

builds up and you demand to know if they are gossiping

about you. They say of course not, but your gut feeling tells

you otherwise. Our advice: Learn Hebrew or Stop Whining

About It! Now you know how your parents felt when you

learned English before they could.

3. One afternoon you arrive to pick up your child from

preschool and notice that the kids are playing in the

back yard. Since there was a small breeze earlier in the day

and the temperature dipped bellow 70 degrees you expect

your child to be dressed in full winter gear, jacket, hat and

if the teacher did her job right a thick wool scarf that you

always leave with them just in case. When you finally spot

your angel your concern morphs into shock as you notice

them running around without their hat. Since your motto is

“better safe than sorry,” you reach for your cell phone and

begin dialing your pediatrician whose number you know by

heart. After carefully listening to the problem the doctor

gives his advice, “Stop Whining About It.” We agree! Jewish

parents have an pathological fear of chilly weather and are

prone to overreact. Look at it logically, polar bears live in

subzero temperatures most of their lives and you never see

one of them wearing a hat.

This is all we have time for in this issue as we must head out to Marshals, we hear they are having a sale on kid’s winter hats.

STOP WHINING ABOUT IT

Humor

“Whine…it’s just not fair!” cartoon, October 1998. (http://allpolitics.com).

8

Interview with Morah Rebecca NovikovMorah Rebecca grew up in St.Petersburg, Russia. In 1993 she immigrated to the U.S. at the age of 14. Upon arrival to the states, she attended Shelsheles Bais Yakov High School, where she did exceptionally well and earned a scholarship to college. She re-ceived her undergraduate degree in Computer Infor-mation Systems and Corporate Finance from Baruch College. She earned her Masters Degree in Regular and Special Education from Touro College, and later Bilingual extension degree. This is Rebecca’s 10th year in the teaching profession. This is her first year teaching at Mazel.

Rebecca and her husband are proud parents of six wonderful children (4 boys and 2 girls). Currently, two of her kids are attending Mazel, while another attended in the past.

Why did you choose teaching profession? When my first child was born, I stayed home for 2 years. Looking at my friends in the Finance field and seeing how little time they’ve had outside of work hours, I decided to switch careers so that I can be there for my family.

What do you love most about teaching in general? Probably finding the right key to each child. Helping them achieve and giving them tools to successes while providing a warm and stimulating environment where their creativity and character blossoms into young inventors and discoverers.

How did you first find out about Mazel Day School and what motivated you to work here? I have learned about Mazel first when looking for a school for my child. I got to know more about it as my kids attended the school, so I have experienced firsthand what a great school it is. Most recently I was working at the Hebrew Academy for Special Children, but this summer it was time to look for a new opportunity. And luck would have it, I becoming a teacher at Mazel for a Pre-K class.

In your opinion, what makes Mazel Day School different from other daycares/schools? Mazel has a very home like environment. The teachers are motherly and very warm. The school offers great parent support. All my kids loved it!

What is your favorite activity in the classroom? I love messy play! Finger painting or any other type of art

projects. Kids get engrossed in such activities. They use their creativity while internalizing concepts. The work is always personalized.

How do you typically handle conflict between kids in your classroom? We address the situation always in a calm manner. Taking the culprits to the side, we state the situation, explain how to work around it, and allow multiple opportunities for practice.

We are also in the process of introducing children to the concept of a “Traffic light.” If the child is behaving well we align their name on a green circle of the traffic light. When their behavior appears a little inappropriate (something that might later land them in trouble) their names are moved to the yellow circle. This visual cue helps children see the course of action in relation to the sequence of events.

In your opinion, what can parents do at home to help their kids do well in school? Positive reinforcement, make children feel good and proud of themselves with every opportunity that presents. At Mazel we try to provide our parents with tools to help their kids achieve. For example, mitzva notes, show and tell items, homework assignments, sending in pictures of related activities, and so on. Teachers and parents partner to create the most exciting, rich and personalized curriculum.

What advice do you have for nervous parents of new kids at Mazel Day School? Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride! This school is dedicated to ensuring the best education and environment for your kids. They provide a lot of training for the teachers. And when teachers send their own children to this school it’s already a good sign.

By Yekaterina I lyaguyevTEACHER INTERVIEW

Teacher Talk

9

By Anna Rakhlis BACK TO SCHOOL ORGANIZING TIPS & TRICKS

It Worked for MeTo make room for new school clothesWHAT YOU NORMALLY DO:

Hit the mall for new duds before addressing the old.

THIS YEAR:

Strike a deal. You won’t take him shopping until he first chooses at least 5 to 10 pieces to part with. Another strategy (that admittedly works better with daughters): Create a try-on pile of old clothes and shoes, map out a “runway” using masking tape, then turn on some music and play the role of the judge as she channels her inner Heidi Klum. Outfits deemed keepers stay in the rotation; those that get a thumbs-down are donated or consigned.

To divvy up choresWHAT YOU NORMALLY DO:

Create a chart that falls to the wayside when you run out of gold stars.

THIS YEAR:

Add an element of surprise by playing spin-the-jar. Write chores on cards and toss them into a wide-mouthed container. To assign tasks, pull a card from the vessel and spin. Whoever the lid points to has to perform the chore. The remaining family members take turns until everyone has a task. If you’re still gung ho on a chart, chorebuster.net lets you assign a “how hard is it” rating to each task, ensuring everyone a fair share.

Reading Nook CanopyCreate an irresistible retreat with our no-sew canopy made from a bed sheet and a quilting hoop.

YOU WILL NEED:

Full-size flat sheet; 50- to 80-pound test fishing line; Large paper clip; 23-inch quilting hoop (ours cost $7 at Jo-Ann Fabric and Crafts Stores); Felt; Glue dots

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Cut a small slit on each side of the top hemmed edge of the sheet. Tie the fishing line onto the paperclip. Thread it into one slit, through the hemmed channel, and out the other slit.

2. Untie the line from the paper clip. Tie the two ends together, then pull them to gather the fabric into a tight circle. Double-knot to secure the line.

3. Separate the inner and outer rings of the quilting hoop. Insert the inner ring inside the sheet about two feet beneath the gathered end

4. Drape the gathered end so that it hangs down inside the ring. Slip the outer ring over the inner one to sandwich the fabric between the two. Tighten the outer ring.

5. Cut triangles from the felt (ours measure 5 1/2 inches long) and attach them to the outer hoop using glue dots. (Tip: Press the glue dots onto the triangles while the dots are still attached to the backing paper.)

6. Tie a length of fishing line to the line in the gathered end of the sheet.

7. Hang the tent from a secure hook in the ceiling.

Homework Supply Stash

If your kitchen table doubles as homework headquarters, this update on the trusty shoe organizer will keep papers, pens, and other study tools in clear view -- and clear of your dinner-prep area (Variety Stash organizer, Christy Designs, $37).

10

By Anna Khavulya

Like most new parents, by the time my son was born I had already planned his life out up until middle school. Okay, maybe I wasn’t like all first time parents, I was probably a bit more extreme. I wrote down a list of activities I wanted my son to be involved in each year for the first ten years of his life. On Sundays, I allocated 3 hours for Hebrew School, because I was certain that he would go to public school (one of the best in the city, of course). Although my husband graduated from yeshiva, and I attended yeshiva for a short period of time, I didn’t feel comfortable raising my son in that kind of environment. We were observant by “secular standards,” but not even close for “orthodox standards”.

All this changed after we found Mazel Day School, a

Jewish Day School in Brooklyn. I chose Mazel for the very

simple reason that it was a warm, nurturing preschool with

strong academics. After a bad experience the previous

year at a secular daycare, I figured this would be a good

change. For two years I planned that he would learn about

Jewish traditions and enjoy his preschool years, then off

he would go into public school. There was only one minor

hiccup in this brilliant plan of mine, by the time he was

finishing Pre-K at Mazel Day School I couldn’t imagine my

son anywhere else, even after he was accepted into an

excellent public school.

What surprised me the most wasn’t that I was changing

the yellow brick road that I had laid out for him, even

though that was incredibly astonishing to me. Don’t all

good Jewish mothers pave a road for their sons up to, and

including, the day they get married, with a degree from

MIT on the way? I thought my plans were so solid that I

would never change them. However, what I encountered in

this school, the community and the values, the challenged

what I thought would the best way to raise my children.

I had never experienced a real sense of community until

I enrolled my son at Mazel. The strength and depth of

our community became evident in the aftermath of

the SuperStorm Sandy. Mazel suffered tremendous

damage after the storm. Devastated but not defeated,

parents quickly mobilized to help clean up the school

to ensure that the students could continue learning

despite the destruction. At the same time, Mazel parents

and educators joined together to meet the needs of the

community by organizing food and clothing drives.

The school’s commitment to instill the values of caring

for the community can be also seen outside of natural

disasters. From a very early age, the students learn to care

for the needy. The two year olds learn to place pennies into

the Tzedakah, or charity boxes and the older students pay

regular visits to seniors. When a student has a new baby

sibling at home, all the students in their class celebrate

together and send their classmate home with heartfelt

congratulations. When my second son was born (this one

will be attending Harvard) I was very concerned about

jealousy from my first son. Instead my eldest son came

home from school extremely proud to be a big brother. I

believe that the celebratory environment of the classroom

and the enthusiasm of his fellow students have contributed

to the close-knit relationship between my two children.

The school feels like a big family that cares for one

another, one that rejoices together during happy times and

helps during challenging ones. When my son’s teacher

was getting married, she invited the entire class to the

wedding. The children also learned to care for someone

suffering through a tragedy. When a teacher’s father

became ill, the students wrote the father letters wishing

him health, all out of the love and empathy they felt for

their teacher. They wished him ice-cream, games, hugs,

and anything else that four years old find important,

hoping to make him feel better. I have been moved by

these countless examples of how the school actualizes its

mission to “cultivate within our students the ability to be

good students, good friends, and good people, providing

a secure foundation which prepares children to thrive in a

complex and changing world.” They mean what they say.

These are values that the school lives by.

I have also found a community with the other parents and

educators. For the first time, I felt comfortable asking

educators honest questions about Jewish life or parenting.

I felt that whatever issue or concern I had with my son, the

director and teachers were on my team resolving it with

me. We were partners in raising my children. The parents

of the school are now my good friends, those that I will

keep no matter what school our kids end up in.

A CHANGING VIEW ON EDUCATION

From Russia to Mazel

11

While my son is the one who is officially getting a “Jewish

education” in our family, it is through my children that I am

now on my own Jewish journey. I am slowly becoming a

different person. I feel happier and more at ease with who

I am. And you are probably wondering, whether I think my

children will attend MIT and Harvard? For many Russian

parents like me, strong academics are a huge priority,

and we feel like our children are being academically

prepared for that path at Mazel. However, no matter where

my sons decide to go to college, I know they will go as

strong individuals with a strong sense of understanding

the importance of respecting and valuing others. They

received this strong foundation from Mazel Day School and

no amount of planning could have predicted the amount of

gratitude I feel towards the school.

Anna Khavulya is a marketing director at Moonbeam

Capital Investments, developing marketing strategies and

tactics for over 50 properties, with a focus on 5 malls,

across the US. Mrs. Khavulya has an MBA and BS from

NYU Stern School of Business. She is passionate about

progressive children’s education and her ambition is to

have her two sons attend Monster University. Anna is a

participant in Parent To Parent, a Jewish Education Project

initiative that empowers day school parents to share their

experiences and personal reflections via online blogs.

Happiness Is Homemade Hardcover

by Rachel Arbus

Happiness is Homemade

is a timely resource that

helps families navigate

contemporary life, founded

on Torah’s enduring

wisdom. The book is the

product of more than

thirty years of research and

counseling Jewish families

and individuals who come

from a broad range of observance levels.

Recognizing the influences and dynamics that

are unique and particular to our times, the book

explores why some of the educational methods

that were successful in the past have limited

impact today - and, more importantly, it tells us

what works!

This book examines such common issues as:

• how to nurture respect and responsibility

• how to provide appropriate attention

• how to establish and maintain boundaries

• how to deal with sibling rivalry

• how to guide teens through the adolescent years

• how to diffuse rebellion, apathy and obstinacy

• how to boost self-esteem

Author Rachel Arbus is a highly respected and

recognized parenting and marriage counselor

in Israel. She is the director of Jerusalem-based

Pathways in Jewish Education (Nesivos BeChinuch

HaYehudi). Her popular seminars and workshops

have equipped countless parents with practical

approaches to raising positive children.

Parenting Book of the Month

By Chani Okonov

Help! What is going on with my

child? He was adjusting to school

seemingly well and suddenly he is

hitting, crying, and being disobedient!

His behavior is now even worse than

before school began!

A child’s development almost always progresses

like waves on the beach; first coming in gently, then

washing out, only to return with greater strength. After

all, this is the cycle of nature.

There is a Hebrew expression which means “a descent

is for the sake of ascent“. This is true especially with

regard to children. A child will often seem to be “well-

adjusted” and just as mom and dad breathe a sigh

of relief that now “everything is okay”, suddenly the

child’s behavior takes a turn for the worse. Either a

new, unexpected behavior will emerge or a behavior

that was thought to have been outgrown will resurface

- and with full vengeance! What’s a parent to feel other

than sheer frustration?

Of course, it’s important to first look at what external

or environmental factors may be causing the child’s

behavior to regress, such as changes in sleeping or

eating pattern , a new babysitter, less time spent with

Mommy, etc.. In the situation of a child starting school,

some children only begin to show signs of having

difficulty adjusting after the exciting novelty of the

new experiences have been worn off.

Still, even when none of these factors seem to be the

case, a child’s behavior will regress at some point.

The key to staying sane in the face of this new “crisis”

and to actually be helpful to your child is to accept

that, after all, this is a normal (and healthy) part of

development.

I say “healthy” because the descent is not just the

stage before the ascent, but actually for the sake of

the ascent. Think of what happens when you organize

an over-cluttered area of your home. Suddenly

there are papers, objects & clutter everywhere!

Only with slow and patient work do things fall into

place. Similarly, as children learn new skills and try

to incorporate them into consciousness, they often

need to “unravel” a bit, as they attempt to sort things

through. Eventually, everything falls into place (at

least for the time). I once heard a mother joke that she

should hang a sign on her front door stating: “Beware!

This is a construction site. We are building children

here.” The rule is: before the moment of clarity there is

often confusion.

Another interesting dynamic that occurs in some

children is a renewed longing for an earlier “baby”

state, especially when being encouraged to be

“big”. Even as the child is thrilled with their new

accomplishments and “big” status, they will still want

the reassurance and comfort that comes from knowing

that someone else is taking care of you. Thus, a child

may suddenly begin asking for help when dressing

(when they are already capable to do soon their own),

or throw terrible tantrums, all in an effort to get a hug,

attention and the strong sense of security that after all,

no matter how “big” they are, they will always be your

beloved “little one”.

MODERN PARENTING

Help!

By Chani Okonov

With this in mind, parents should always work to find

appropriate ways to “baby” their children even as

they get older. Cuddling up with a good book, giving

frequent hugs or gently reassuring massages can

help balance out the tremendous pressure and inner

turmoil that comes from growing up.

Most importantly, remember that if your child’s

“growing pains” express themselves with aggressive

or defiant behavior, never change the rules you have

set for your child (unless you have determined that

they were inappropriate)! A key theory that your

child is “testing” out (along with ‘am I still loveable if

I misbehave’) is: will the rules change if I whine/hit/

scream enough? What the child is actually craving

is to see that though they feel a terrible inner sense

of confusion, their parent remains, like a lighthouse,

completely unaffected by the storm. This also

emphasizes to the child the truth of your rules. The

truth is, after all, unchanging.

As frustrating as it is for the person to have to keep

revisiting and repeating the same lessons with the

child (hands are not for hitting, Mommy/Daddy only

listen to calm voices, etc.), that is simply the way of life

with children. Hold your ground, for soon the storm

will pass. There’s nothing more we can do than take a

deep breath and begin “construction”.

Food for Thought

If an ADULT is reinforced for behaving properly, we

call it RECOGNITION.

If a CHILD is reinforced for behaving appropriately, we

call it BRIBERY.

If an ADULT laughs, we call it SOCIALIZING.

If a CHILD laughs, we call it MISBEHAVING.

If an ADULT writes in a book, we call it DOODLING.

If a CHILD writes in a book, we call it DESTROYING

PROPERTY.

If an ADULT sticks to something, we call it

PERSERVERANCE.

If a CHILD sticks to something, we call it

STUBBORNESS.

If an ADULT seeks help, we call it CONSULTING.

If a CHILD seeks help, we call it WHINING.

If an ADULT is not paying attention, we call it

PREOCCUPATION.

If a CHILD is not paying attention, we call it a

DISTRACTION.

If an ADULT forgets something, we call it ABSENT-

MINDEDNESS.

If a CHILD forgets something, we call it

RETARDATION.

If an ADULT tells his/her side of the story, we call it

CLARIFICATION.

If a CHILD tells his/her side of the story, we call it

TALKING BACK.

If an ADULT raises his/her voice in anger, we call it

MAINTAINING CONTROL.

If a CHILD raises his/her voice in anger, we call it

TEMPER TANTRUM.

If an ADULT hits a child, we call it DISCIPLINE.

If a CHILD hits a child, we call it FIGHTING.

If an ADULT behaves in an unusual way, we call it

UNIQUE.

If a CHILD behaves in an unusual way, we take him/her

for a PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION!

MODERN PARENTING

Help!

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First Month