We are proud to share w ith you our f inal PACT Newsletter of the year. This was a year in which we worked hard to increase the impor tance of PACT (Parents Ask Call Talk) in our school community. Our goal was, and continues to be, to r each out to our school community to str engthen the bonds of communication between parents and chi ldren, parents and parents, and parents and the school.

Along w ith our GLCs, parents and Administr ation, our PACT team has worked to manifest these goals through both our grade level parent programs and these newsletter s. Parents were invi ted to school for

evenings of education and discussion. Programming included:

- PACT staff faci l i tated discussion w ith ninth grade parents using r eal l i fe scenar ios to explore opening l ines of communication about decision making and understanding di f ferent fami l ies? approaches to teen parenting

- An interactive evening w ith tenth grade parents shar ing what students are

learning in their Health and Beit Midrash classes r egarding sexuali ty, wellness

and good decision making- An eleventh grade evening for students w ith Bernie Horow itz who shared a

power ful stor y about his exper ience as a parent and about adolescent substance abuse here in the Riverdale Jew ish community

- A senior parent forum on parenting a chi ld when he or she is embarking on independent adult l i fe

Additionally, our newsletter s have sought to educate our school community on str ategies and cur rent l i terature r egarding the l i fe of teens. Through topics such as the digi tal l i fe of teens, alcohol and substance abuse, sexuali ty or simply how teens spend their fr ee time, we hope our newsletter s have ser ved as a spr ingboard to fur ther r ef lection and communication on how we parent and guide our teens and f ind that f ine balance between giving them both independence and super vision.

Whi le there are too many to mention by name, I would l ike to thank our hard working staff and al l of the parents who displayed their commitment to PACT through volunteer ing to speak, share, w r i te and coordinate our programs.

In the coming year, we look for ward to more newsletter s, guest speakers, panels and other oppor tuni ties for learning and conversations. As always, we would love to hear from you. Emai l us w ith ideas for newsletter s or programming suggestions.   Have a safe, r estful and relaxing summer !

- Rabbi Aaron Frank and the PACT Team

June 2015

MESSAGE FROM PACT

MANAGING FINAL EXAM WEEKS

SCENARIO DISCUSSION

REFLECTIONS ON SUMMER WORK

MANAGING RISKY BEHAVIOR DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS

MESSAGE FROM THE PACT TEAM

IN THIS ISSUE

Shar e your PACT

f eedback wit h us

PACTFeedback@SARHighSchool.org

PACT LEADERSHIP COMMITTEE RABBI TULLY HARCSZTARK

RABBI AARON FRANK

DR. RUSSELL HOFFMAN

DR. MICHELLE HUMI

NURSE RUSSI BOHM

MR. MICHAEL COURTNEY

MS. CARI COHEN

LAYOUT EDITOR: GILA KOLB

PARENT GUIDE

FOR

MANAGING

FINAL EXAM

WEEKS

By: Ms. Leah Silvera, SLC Support Program Coordinator

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As f inals are fast approaching, your chi ld may be feel ing more str essed than usual. A cer tain amount of str ess is healthy and normal but too much str ess can impact a student's abi l i ty to per form on their f inal exams. Below are some simple suggestions to help your chi ld manage their workload and reduce his or her str ess whi le studying.

1) Time management - Encourage your chi ld to use his/her planner and develop a study schedule. This w i l l al low him/her to focus on one subject at a time rather than become over whelmed by a ver y long l ist of exams and projects. When developing a study schedule, i t is impor tant to be r eal istic about how much time is necessar y to prepare. Whi le scheduling 20 minutes per subject is probably not suff icient, scheduling 10 hours per subject is also not necessar y.

2) Environment - Students study in di f ferent ways. For one, music or other white noise may make processing information smoother whi le for the next, a distr action fr ee environment is necessar y. Take a moment to talk w ith your chi ld about which environment is r eal ly best for him/her. Have your chi ld think about an exam that was successful and what kind of environment faci l i tated that success.

3) Technology - Many of the students at SAR par ticipate in onl ine study groups and contr ibute to onl ine study guides. Therefore, tel l ing students to r emain off l ine is not always the best advice. However, i t may be in their best interests to keep the technology in a public space to avoid the temptation to get caught up in the social aspects of social media and not stay focused on the academic ones.

4) Active learning - One of the most common misconceptions among students is that r eading class notes is studying. Reading notes is a passive activi ty. I t does not r equir e the brain to engage in any meaningful way. Therefore you should encourage your chi ld to include other active str ategies along w ith note r eading. Re-w r i ting notes, teaching the mater ial to a parent, sibl ing or pet, engaging in study groups or creating quizlets are just some suggestions for active learning.

5) Sleep - As always, sleep is vi tal for teenagers and more so dur ing f inal exams. Talk to your chi ld about r eal istic "shut dow n" times. Encourage him/her to log off computer s and even turn off phones well before the time set to go to sleep so that he/she gets as much uninter rupted sleep as possible.

6) Study groups and review sessions - Encourage your chi ld to take advantage of r eview sessions r un by teachers and to meet w ith classmates in school who are putting together study groups.

7) Breaks - Remember that breaks should be bui l t in to any successful study r egime. Scheduling breaks can reduce the temptation to get distr acted by other activi ties. I t also ser ves as a r eward for r emaining focused for a per iod of time. I t 's often easier to push through the last 15 minutes of a task when you know that you have a 20 minute break coming up to catch up w ith fr iends, play a game or eat a snack.

8) Stay calm - I f you become anxious about the amount of time or the manner in which your chi ld chooses to study, you need to be thoughtful about how you communicate these wor r ies to your chi ld. Your anxiety can become their anxiety. Fighting w ith your chi ld w i l l most l ikely have a negative r esult as well . Whi le discussing these suggestions and str ategies w ith your chi ld can be productive, i t is impor tant to al low him/her the room to f igure out how to make studying work. In the end, whi le f inals are impor tant and help develop valuable ski l ls, the f inal exam grade is only a per centage of the f inal grade for the course and w i l l not drastical ly change a student's average.

SCENARIO: ENTRIES INTO DISCUSSION WITH YOUR CHILDThis section addresses how parents navigate the challenge of parenting with respect to the

academic life of their children. In the hopes of leading toward more reflective lenses as finals are upon us, we asked a number of our faculty to respond to the following scenario:

A FAMILY THERAPIST was speaking with the parents of a high school student. The parents expressed frustration that their teenager was not putting forth adequate effort on his studies and extracurricular activities.  The parents lamented, ?We just don?t understand why he won't give his best effort!  If you are doing something, why not do your best?!?

The therapist replied, ?I would never tell a child to ?do their best? or ?try their hardest? in such a broad way. If he tries to do his best on everything, he?ll burn out.  I would tell him to do his best for the things that matter the most to him, and to do good enough on the rest.?

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SAR PERSPECTIVES in response to the therapist :

Dr. Mark Shinar

Director of General Studies

Mr. Michael Courtney

Director of Col lege Counsel ing

Dr. Russel l Hof fman

School Psychologist

While I think there is cer tainly a more elegant way in which the therapist could have offered his advice, I see a nugget of w isdom in his words. The tr uth is that high school is one of the only times in students? l ives when they are asked to be good at ever ything - to excel in math and sciences, the humanities, Judaic studies and extr acur r icular activi ties. Once students move on to higher education and careers, they

I disagree w ith the therapist?s advice and believe that this guidance goes against the phi losophy of SAR High School and our unique grading scale. We never tel l our students that they must be the best at ever ything; r ather, we str ess that they must tr y their best in ever ything. As SAR str esses a student?s level of r esponsibi l i ty and commitment through ?Investment in Learning,? we have created a culture where we value effor t and award

On the whole, I agree w ith the therapist?s posi tion in this scenar io. One of the things that I l ike about his bi t of advice is that i t is r eal istic.  I t str ikes a balance (or, at least, i t aims to str ike a balance) between aspir ing for greatness and recognizing one?s l imits.  Some people feel that these two concepts are incompatible, that str iving for greatness means going al l out or going past one?s l imits.  Personally, I think that these two

(continued on pg. 5) (continued on pg. 5)(continued on pg. 4)

SCENARIO (continued from pg 3)

4

tend to special ize, to home their attentions in on their passions and talents. In that way, the therapist in the scenar io is cer tainly hi tting on a valuable notion when advising the student to ?do his best for the things that matter most to him.?

Ultimately, however, I think the advice is too easi ly misinterpreted and runs the r isk of sending the w rong message to the student. Terms l ike ?do your best? and ?do good enough? are plati tudes w ith no speci f ic guidel ines or benchmarks for success. How do you know when you are doing your best? What exactly does ?good enough? look l ike to a teenager? Even more concerning: is i t r easonable to ask high school students to determine what matter s most to them at this developmental stage in their l ives? There are many ways in which a student might identi fy what matter s most. Some of those ways might be thoughtful - a passion, deep interest, or procl ivi ty. Other students, however, may make that decision in a more whimsical way - a teacher they l ike or a course that ?looks better? on a tr anscr ipt.

So, what should the advice here be? The f i r st piece of advice should be pointed towards the parents. I t?s impor tant for them to r ef lect ser iously about what is fr ustr ating them so much about their chi ld?s behavior s. Is i t because the chi ld has a problem or because they have a problem? Are they fr ustr ated because their chi ld is not doing well , or are they fr ustr ated because their chi ld is not l iving up to their ow n set of standards and expectations? These are hard questions to untangle, but they are cr i tical, nonetheless. Sometimes, teenagers need to be given the autonomy necessar y to make their ow n decisions and l ive w ith the consequences. We can advise and guide, but we cannot for ce. Doing so w i l l r arely yield the r esults that we hope for.

Once the parents understand their ow n motivations, they can then turn their attention towards their chi ld. We should never set low expectations for our chi ldren, but we should be thoughtful about asking the r ight questions and f inding the best r esources to help guide them to f ind their passions. Resume bui lding and padding w i l l not inspir e the outcomes we are hoping our chi ldren w i l l achieve. Rather, the

more we, ourselves, model and expose our

chi ldren to wonder ful volunteer oppor tuni ties and activi ties and show them the beauty of learning and discover y, the more l ikely they w i l l be to put for th more effor t to identi fy and pursue their ow n passions.

(Response fr om Dr. Mar k Shinar )

special pact pr ogr am!!

cl ick her e t o r svp/ buy t he

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5

(Response fr om Dr. Russell Hoffman)

students? work ethic and middot via a separate grading categor y. We are al l aware that our school?s mantra is ?It?s not just what you learn. I t?s who you become.?  This slogan al igns w ith the Investment in Learning ethos.  SAR str ives to create a culture where students see the big picture and recognize that their actions have an impact beyond the bui lding and years 14-18 of their teenage l ives.  Students here r eceive a high school education that is more focused on investing in their studies r ather than expecting str aight A?s in Quali ty of Work. Consequently, I have no problem advising students that they should attempt to achieve str aight A?s in Investment in Learning.  We cannot expect ever y pupi l to be equally strong in l i terature, histor y, mathematics, science, Hebrew language, a second foreign language, Talmud, Tanakh, Machshevet Yisrael, and physical education.  But we can expect ever y student to r ecognize why i t is impor tant to tr y in each of these subjects. There is obviously a value in being educated in both the secular and Judaic cur r icula.  To pick and choose which subjects to pr ior i tize is not setting the stage for r eal i ty: i t is akin to an employee of an organization believing that he/she can select which projects to give their 100% and which ones to shir k in hopes of just getting by.  I bel ieve that always tr ying to be r esponsible is the education we?d l ike to impar t as we mentor students to be successful adults at 18, 28, and 38.     

Fur thermore, col lege admission off ices appreciate the Investment in Learning categor y. They see i t as offer ing a ful ler picture of the student r ather than the mechanized singular grade that they are accustomed to r eview ing.  They r ecognize that the grading scale at SAR mir ror s the overal l exper ience at our insti tution where teachers pay attention to the unique needs of ever y student.

The extr acur r icular arena is another question. As a coach in the high school, I str ess that in ever y practice or game, a player must tr y his hardest.  Over t detachment lands a player on the bench as this behavior emphasizes the individual per son over the community; qui te simply, i t goes against the meaning of team!  Whi le I can never expect ever y player on my basketball team to be equally ski l led, I do expect ever y player to be equally invested in better ing the team.  A student need not be engaged in a laundr y l ist of extr acur r icular activi ties; instead, w ithin the few that he/she is par t of, he/she must commit and contr ibute to the success of the activi ty.

The high school years are incredibly formative and developmental ly impor tant. Of course, one can change his/her work ethic i f said student matures after high school.  But i t is our role as educator s to tap into the potential of ever y pupi l and ensure that the burgeoning young adult has established the ski l ls to become successful beyond SAR.  Ultimately, pr ior i tizing one?s work ethic should not be compromised.

SCENARIO (continued from pg 3)

seemingly contradictor y ideas are both equally necessar y for success.  I t is equally impor tant for me, on the one hand, to know my str engths and know where I can probably excel, and, on the other hand, to acknow ledge and understand my weaknesses and know how and when they might undermine me.  This is the key to success - having aspir ations, and str iving to achieve those goals by str ategical ly harnessing my str engths to work around the areas that can potential ly obstr uct my effor ts.  That is a general pr inciple that I think is at the hear t of leading a balanced l i fe and is fundamental to a balanced approach to education. In the scenar io, the therapist is suggesting that the parents apply this general pr inciple to the tr icky task of teaching teenagers how to budget their time and choose their pr ior i ties.  I think that is a f ine message to send a teenager : ?You don?t have to be a per fect student, but we do expect you to be a conscientious and str ategic student.?

The tension at the hear t of this scenar io is not lost on me. The parents are fr ustr ated by their chi ld?s seeming lack of effor t (or motivation or investment or ini tiative? ).  I f the parents? expectation of their chi ld is that they w i l l invest al l of themselves in their academic and extr a-cur r icular pur sui ts, then this confl ict is inevi table.  (Imagine the r ighteous indignation we would feel i f our employers and/or fami l ies expected 100% investment from us at al l times.)  However, the therapist?s suggestion r ecasts the parent-chi ld confl ict in a di f ferent - and, I would suggest, more constr uctive - context.  Now the tension is not so much about motivation/investment as i t is about setting pr ior i ties and consider ing the value judgments that inform how we al locate our time.  That is sti l l shaky ground for many parents and chi ldren because of the generation gap - parents and chi ldren do not always share the same values and pr ior i ties.  But now this is a conversation - not an al l-or -nothing ultimatum. And even when parents and chi ldren do not see eye to eye on the r elative impor tance of competing demands on their time (i .e., an ar t project vs. a histor y essay, math homework vs. ultimate fr isbee, SAT prep vs. updating my blog, etc.), they can hopeful ly agree on the need to be discr iminating and to think about their r elative impor tance.  This is a crucial l i fe lesson for teenagers, and i t is one for which parents are often the pr imar y teachers.

(Response fr om Mr. Michael Cour tney)

BY: RABBI AARON FRANK, ASSOCIATE PRINCIPAL

r ef l ect ions on summer homewor k

6

There was once a time when summer was summer and the lessons we learned were from the neighborhood pool, around the campfir e or the camp baseball diamond. Summer know ledge was not cul led from our school textbooks.  Those were used from September through June and school work was not a par t of the summer routine. But I have learned, both as a parent and a school administr ator, that summer work in 2015 is simply par t of l i fe.

In r ef lecting upon and reading about the topic of summer work (1), i t seems that i t fal ls into one of the fol low ing categor ies:

1-Summer Head Star t--This type of work is preparator y work for the coming year. Reading the f i r st novel for English class, learning the Perek of Mishna that w i l l be used for Gemara, or master ing the f i r st two chapter s of a science AP al l al low teachers and students to begin in September hi tting the ground running.  

2--Review Work--This ser ves to keep the ski l ls learned in the previous year sharp and fr esh. Review ing Hebrew grammar or keeping up w ith Physics problems gives the assurance to the coming year?s teachers that the students w i l l be prepared to face the cur r icular challenges in the coming year.

3--Keeping in the Game of Learning--This type of work often presents more options for students. Reading one of a selection of books, learning the student?s choice of Mishnayot or r eading three ar ticles from any Hebrew newspaper al l aim for students to understand the value of learning subject matter whi le, at the same time, giving them the autonomy to choose their ow n mater ial w i thin cer tain discipl ines.

With these di f ferent models in mind, schools aim to assign constr uctive and valuable work.

Cer tainly, many of the questions that ar ise when assessing the value of homework altogether emerge w ith thinking about summer work. Yet, summer work also has some unique challenges.

Schools must be especial ly careful to monitor the amount of summer work given. They must make the challenging decision of which discipl ines can give summer work and which type they assign. I t is never ok to over whelm students w ith too much homework and this

is especial ly tr ue in the summer.

In thinking about summer work, schools must also acknow ledge that r ising senior s have added pressures in addition to schoolwork over the summer. I f our col lege guidance depar tments are encouraging polishing up the col lege essay or working on applications, teachers must keep this in mind when evaluating the summer workload.

Additionally, whi le there are always exceptions, there are obviously many more bar r ier s to academic motivation over the summer. Understandably, some students are simply less motivated, i f at al l . Also, some are only motivated when they are given tasks that seem di f ferent from those dur ing the school year. Teachers and parents al ike must r eal ize that expectations in the summer cannot and should not be the same as dur ing the school year.  They must also r emember that teens often r espond best to autonomy and choice.  This is even more tr ue in the summer. The more choice we give when i t

REFLECTIONS ON SUMMER HOMEWORK (continued from pg 6)

7

From academic to social chal lenges, in th is f inal new sletter

of the year, w e are focusing on

parenting during the summer months.

To v iew an art icle by EM POWERING

PARENTS

on how to handle summer problems,

Cl ick HereAlthough this article refers to

"troubled children," the advice is

valuable to parents of all children.

Now that summer is here ? slow dow n and use the t ime to communicate w i th

your chi ld.

comes to summer assignments, the more that students may f ind the di f ference refr eshing and therefore be more motivated to apply themselves to their summer work.   

    Final ly, fol low through is key. Whi le some summer work counts for grades and other summer work counts for extr a credi t, al l too often, students feel that their summer work is not tr uly graded and counted as promised. I f we give summer work, we must be clear about what i t is wor th and make our conversations in the fal l r ef lect the ar ticulated expectations.

I f we ask schools to r eal ize that summer work presents di f ferent challenges, parents must also r eal ize this as well . Whi le parents must know what motivates their kids dur ing the school year, they must also adjust expectations when i t comes to the effor t they expect from their chi ldren dur ing the summer.  

Teens might pace themselves di f ferently in the summer, for a whole host of r easons, given their var ious plans and activi ties. I f a chi ld is leaving for an intense summer tr ip or camp exper ience for nine weeks, the schedule and expectation of time investment may be di f ferent than those of a teen who is not going away at al l .  

In the tr ue spir i t of PACT, communication when i t comes to summer work w i l l lead to success. Cer tainly open communication between parents and teens is key.  Parents should make a plan w ith their teens at the beginning of the summer as to the most r eal istic and eff icient way to approach their summer work.

Once your chi ld r eceives his/her summer assignment from SAR High School, which he/she w i l l soon, please also feel fr ee to r each out to the school w ith any questions or concerns.

Talking to our chi ldren, to the school and maybe even other parents about how to best tackle the work in June, may al low more buy-in and success come September.

(1)?Summer Homework: Yes or No http://www.greatschools.org/students/homework-help/4260-summer -homework-yes-or -no.gs

Watch your emai l for

SA R High School 's

Summer Reading A ssignments to arrive mid-June.

PACT NEWSLETTER j une 2015

ADVICE FOR PARENTS:

HOW TO MANAGE RISKY BEHAVIOR IN THE SUMMER MONTHS

- Share your r ules and expectations w ith your chi ld about cur few, communicating home when going out, and know ing his/her whereabouts.

- Have conversations about your fami ly values around drugs and alcohol.

- Let your chi ld know that i f they are in a dangerous si tuation they can cal l you for a no-questions r ide home.

- Continue to monitor your chi ld?s whereabouts. Confi rm plans in advance where s/he?ll be, w ith whom, and at what time s/he?ll be home.

- Be awake when your teen ar r ives home so that you can obser ve any signs of alcohol or drug use.

- Maintain fami ly r i tuals such as eating dinner together. - Find creative alcohol/drug- fr ee ways for your teen to feel ?cool? and have

fun.- Summer is a great time for you and your teen to take a class, volunteer, or

exper ience something new together.- Have a ?conversation jar? - discuss di f ferent scenar ios and ask for your son

or daughter?s opinions and offer r eal decision-making oppor tuni ties.

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Just because school is out,

PA CT is sti l l in!