november pelladium

11
In the last couple weeks, there has been activity shuffling about on the north side of the square that can be traced to the Scholte House’s new display of Abraham Lincoln. A Pella man who owns an extensive collection of Lincoln material organized the display, which is supplemented by the recent discovery of our town founder’s journals. Ron Rietveld, now in his 70s, began collecting Abraham Lincoln material when he was just 14. He was looking through books and happened to come across a picture of Lincoln in his coffin. This was after rumors claiming that pictures of Lincoln were non-existent became widespread. “There weren’t supposed to be any pictures of him after he passed away. In fact, they had burned all of them because Mrs. Lincoln didn’t like them, but (the owner of the picture) saved one, probably for himself, and it turned up in the book that Ron had been looking through,” said Scholte House employee Shirley Rudd. Rietveld was asked to keep the discovery a secret for three months until it was announced that it had been found. After, Rietveld was given a copy of the picture, which is included in the Scholte House display. “They had to do research on the picture before it was released into the public. I promised not to tell anybody only if I could receive a copy of the picture. In September of that year, when the picture was released, my mother awakened me at five in the morning saying that I was on the front page of the “Des Moines Register,” and then asking, ‘What did you do?’ I hadn’t even told by mother (about the picture),” said Rietveld. The display is partly a celebration of Lincoln’s 200th birthday, occurring Feb. 12. Cities across the nation will join in commemoration, and an even bigger display will be set up in Springfield, Illinois, Lincoln’s hometown. That’s not the only reason the Lincoln display was constructed. Recent information has been documented that shows direct ties between Lincoln and Pella’s founder Dominie Scholte. “We decided to put the display up now for a combination of things. Dominie Scholte’s journals have been recently found in the vault of the US Bank. Scholte ran the first US bank in Pella, which was located on the northeast corner of Main and Washington Street, and when the bank was moved to where it is now, many of Scholte’s possessions were transferred as well. The head of the Historical Village asked me to come down to the bank and look through these possessions with her, where we found these journals. In them, there were personal accounts of Scholte and his three separate meetings with Lincoln,” said Rietfeld. Lincoln and Scholte became good friends during the beginning of Lincoln’s campaign for presidency. Lincoln even referred to Scholte as his “good Dutch friend.” “Scholte was elected a Republican delegate at large in Iowa and had means of campaigning for William Seward, but eventually became fond of Lincoln and began telling other to vote for Lincoln as well. Scholte received a free railroad ticket to travel to Washington D.C., for what reasons, we still don’t know, but it is written in these journals. There, Scholte was paid $45 to translate Lincoln’s speeches into Dutch to get some of the immigrant vote. After leaving Washington D.C., Scholte went to Springfield, where he first met Lincoln. They became good friends. Back in Pella, Scholte began campaigning for Lincoln in Marion and Mahaska Counties, and even speaking in Dutch on occasion to sway the immigrant vote,” said Rietveld. A combination of the present in the celebration of 200 years since a man’s birth, and past between two men and their interaction, and the connection with this quaint town, all contribute to the elaborate and well put together display being currently shown. •Josh Van Ee ([email protected]) news briefs .... tuesday, november 11, 2008 volume 21, issue 2 Cancer A glimpse into how cancer affects our community, and how students and their families are battling back. pp. 6- 7 Ending successfully The Dow Jones Newspaper Fund recently named journalism adviser Ann Visser a “Distinguished Adviser.” Visser was one of only four high school journalism advisors nationally to be honored. “(This award) is more a recognition of the students who have been a part of (‘The Pelladium’) staff for the past 25 years. I’ve been fortunate to be able to work with some incredible young people who have worked hard to make ‘The Pelladium’ a good publication,” said Visser. Visser, who has advised for the past 25 years, previously was president of the Journalism Education Association. “(Visser) works really hard at what she does, and does her best to make the paper good, even if that means sacrificing a lot of her time,” said “Pelladium” co-editor Marcus Haustein. “It does not surprise me that she won the award---she definitely deserves it.” “(I think that winning the award has shown) the tenacity that I’ve had to stick with advising as long as I have,” said Visser, “Being adviser is not the most popular position in town--people can get angry when pictures are blurry, mistakes are made. Putting out the fires has been both interesting and challenging.” Visser will be recognized at the National High School Press Association Convention in St. Louis in November. Additionally, one student who plans on majoring in journalism will receive a $500 scholarship from the Fund. •Michael Suplee ([email protected]) “Pelladium” adviser wins prestigious award, receives national recognition BORN TO HAND JIVE. Before an audience of middle schoolers, students perform the song “Hand Jive” during a “Grease” rehearsal. After the rehearsal held Oct. 30, there were two other performances, both open to the public, which occurred Oct. 31 and Nov. 1. “I think I did well on the acting part when I was Cha-Cha. It was so much fun being the character for those moments and acting like her,” said junior Chelsea Byers. •Photo by Madison Vander Well Connection found between Lincoln, Scholte; display erected • A new master clock system has been installed to address the recent clock problems. The clocks have not worked since early September. The cost of replacement was around $1,300. • The Pelladium website is up and running. Check out the latest polls, stories, pictures and video casts at http://www. pelladium.com/. • Senior Marcus Haustein has been named a Commended Student for his performance on the PSAT. About 34,000 students throughout the nation are being recognized. • Results of Special Olympics bowling included blues and first place finishes for sophomore Allen Johnson, junior Amanda Keffer and sophomore Erinn Riggen. Freshman Jeconiah Vue was second. • Senior Katie Allen and junior Lauren Cooper both received Division I ratings in the state drill team solo competition Nov. 1. • Students in Lorri Grubb’s classroom sold cookies for 25 cents each on election day as a fundraiser. In total, $30.75 was raised for Obama, $16 for McCain, $3.25 for other candidates. Votes in the “other” category included instructor Ann Visser and Jesus. •Caleb Klyn The Marching Dutch wrapped up their season by taking top honors at the Mid-Iowa Band Championships. p. 5 The display will be open: Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. - 4 p.m. Thursday until 8 p.m. Saturday, 10 p.m. - 4 p.m. Ends Nov. 22

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November Pelladium 2008

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Page 1: November Pelladium

In the last couple weeks, there has been activity shuffling about on the north side of the square that can be traced to the Scholte House’s new display of Abraham Lincoln. A Pella man who owns an extensive collection of Lincoln material organized the display, which is supplemented by the recent discovery of our town founder’s journals. Ron Rietveld, now in his 70s, began collecting Abraham Lincoln material when he was just 14. He was looking through books and happened to come across a picture of Lincoln in his coffin. This was after rumors claiming that pictures of Lincoln were non-existent became widespread. “There weren’t supposed to be any pictures of him after he passed away. In fact, they had burned all of them because Mrs. Lincoln didn’t like them, but (the owner of the picture) saved one, probably for himself, and it turned up in the book that Ron had been looking through,” said Scholte House employee Shirley Rudd. Rietveld was asked to keep the discovery a secret for three months until it was announced that it had been found. After, Rietveld was given a copy of the picture, which is included in the Scholte House display. “They had to do research on the picture before it was released into the public. I promised not to tell anybody only if I could receive a copy of the picture. In September of that year, when the picture was released, my mother awakened me at five in the morning saying that I was on

the front page of the “Des Moines Register,” and then asking, ‘What did you do?’ I hadn’t even told by mother (about the picture),” said Rietveld. The display is partly a celebration of Lincoln’s 200th birthday, occurring Feb. 12. Cities across the nation will join in commemoration, and an even bigger display will be set up in Springfield, Illinois, Lincoln’s hometown. That’s not the only reason the Lincoln display was constructed. Recent information has been documented that shows direct ties between Lincoln and Pella’s founder Dominie Scholte. “We decided to put the display up now for a combination of things. Dominie Scholte’s journals have been recently found in the vault of the US Bank. Scholte ran the first US bank in Pella, which was located on the northeast corner of Main and Washington Street, and when the bank was moved to where it is now, many of Scholte’s possessions were transferred as well. The head of the Historical Village asked me to come down to the bank and look through these possessions with her, where we found these journals. In them, there were personal accounts of Scholte and his three separate meetings with Lincoln,” said Rietfeld. Lincoln and Scholte became good friends during the beginning of Lincoln’s campaign for presidency. Lincoln even referred to Scholte as his “good Dutch friend.” “Scholte was elected a Republican delegate at large in Iowa and had means of campaigning for William Seward, but

eventually became fond of Lincoln and began telling other to vote for Lincoln as well. Scholte received a free railroad ticket to travel to Washington D.C., for what reasons, we still don’t know, but it is written in these journals. There, Scholte was paid $45 to translate Lincoln’s speeches into Dutch to get some of the immigrant vote. After leaving Washington D.C., Scholte went to Springfield, where he first met Lincoln. They became good friends. Back in Pella, Scholte began campaigning for Lincoln in Marion and Mahaska Counties, and even speaking in Dutch on occasion to sway the immigrant vote,” said Rietveld. A combination of the present in the celebration of 200 years since a man’s birth, and past between two men and their interaction, and the connection with this quaint town, all contribute to the elaborate and well put together display being currently shown.

•Josh Van Ee ([email protected])

news briefs ....

tuesday, november 11, 2008 volume 21, issue 2

CancerA glimpse into how cancer affects our community, and how students and their families are battling back. pp. 6-7

Ending successfully

The Dow Jones Newspaper Fund recently named journalism adviser Ann Visser a “Distinguished Adviser.” Visser was one of only four high school journalism advisors nationally to be honored. “(This award) is more a recognition of the students who have been a part of (‘The Pelladium’) staff for the past 25 years. I’ve been fortunate to be able to work with some incredible young people who have worked hard to make ‘The Pelladium’ a good publication,” said Visser. Visser, who has advised for the past 25 years, previously was president of the Journalism Education Association. “(Visser) works really hard at what she does, and does her best to make the paper good, even if that means sacrificing a lot of her time,” said “Pelladium” co-editor Marcus Haustein. “It does not surprise me that she won the award---she definitely deserves it.” “(I think that winning the award has shown) the tenacity that I’ve had to stick with advising as long as I have,” said Visser, “Being adviser is not the most popular position in town--people can get angry when pictures are blurry, mistakes are made. Putting out the fires has been both interesting and challenging.” Visser will be recognized at the National High School Press Association Convention in St. Louis in November. Additionally, one student who plans on majoring in journalism will receive a $500 scholarship from the Fund.

•Michael Suplee ([email protected])

“Pelladium” adviser wins prestigious award, receives national recognition

BORN TO HAND JIVE. Before an audience of middle schoolers, students perform the song “Hand Jive” during a “Grease” rehearsal. After the rehearsal held Oct. 30, there were two other performances, both open to the public, which occurred Oct. 31 and Nov. 1. “I think I did well on the acting part when I was Cha-Cha. It was so much fun being the character for those moments and acting like her,” said junior Chelsea Byers. •Photo by Madison Vander Well

Connection found between Lincoln, Scholte; display erected

• A new master clock system has been installed to address the recent clock problems. The clocks have not worked since early September. The cost of replacement was around $1,300.

• The Pelladium website is up

and running. Check out the latest polls, stories, pictures and video casts at http://www.pelladium.com/.

• Senior Marcus Haustein has been named a Commended Student for his performance on the PSAT. About 34,000

students throughout the nation are being recognized.

• Results of Special Olympics bowling included blues and first place finishes for sophomore Allen Johnson, junior Amanda Keffer and sophomore Erinn Riggen. Freshman Jeconiah

Vue was second. • Senior Katie Allen and junior

Lauren Cooper both received Division I ratings in the state drill team solo competition Nov. 1.

• Students in Lorri Grubb’s classroom sold cookies for 25

cents each on election day as a fundraiser. In total, $30.75 was raised for Obama, $16 for McCain, $3.25 for other candidates. Votes in the “other” category included instructor Ann Visser and Jesus.

•Caleb Klyn

The Marching Dutch wrapped up their season by taking top honors at the Mid-Iowa Band Championships. p. 5

The display will be open:Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. - 4 p.m.Thursday until 8 p.m.Saturday, 10 p.m. - 4 p.m.Ends Nov. 22

Page 2: November Pelladium

The days of field trips as students have known them in the past may be over. The Iowa Department of Education is now calling those fees “school fees”. Schools are now required to pay the costs of the trips and other such fees, if the activity is a required part of the curriculum. According to an interpretation of the Iowa Department of Education rules and regulations by Matt Carver, director of legal services, field trips are now being compared to student planners, student activity tickets, and the renting of

musical instruments. They now are not considered the same as school fees because they aren’t related to instruction. “This new rule takes away many lifetime sports experiences from high school students. This rule takes away about six weeks of curriculum from the physical education course. It takes away four weeks of bowling, two weeks of swimming for adapted P.E. students, takes away three weeks of golfing in Oskaloosa for seniors, and this will affect the senior ski trip. When we take all of those activities away, all we can put in is aerobic workouts. When we don’t go out and do those activities, it takes away money from our local businesses,” said physical education teacher Bob Fessler. Schools have no authority to charge a fee as long as the schools counts it as a day of school. If the schools wanted to charge a fee, it would have to be done during the time of enrollment or registration. Allowable fees would be school supplies, summer school courses and driver education courses, just to name a few. Students are still required to pay non-school fee costs including text-books used by one person, planners, purchase or rental uniforms for physical education class, activity tickets, work books, musical instrument rental, dry cleaning uniforms, yearbooks, uniforms, intramural fee, parking stickers, senior fees, a duplicate of a student ID card, and transportation to an extracurricular program, if not participating. “... this is a shame that one person takes this to court and it affects everyone,” said senior Andrew Ter Louw. “... we always had so much fun and learned a lot on field trips,” said sophomore Lindsey Verhey. “This fee really affects the operation of the school, especially during P.E. Students will lose the opportunities to participate in activities only the school might provide for them in their life. But, we have to do what the law tells us to do,” said Assistant Principal Eric Nelson.

•Kelsey Van Tasell ([email protected])

Dealing with death and the dying, is not a typical high school activity. However, 20 government students have volunteered to help at the Pella Comfort House.

The Comfort House is a Hospice facility for the terminally ill. Students were recruited by Diana Kroes during government and sociology classes. She gave them an overview of what the volunteering would involve and left a sign up sheet. The volunteering will take place in November, either one evening or a Saturday morning.

“Students can help tend the memorial garden that surrounds the Comfort House. I’ll have some be in groups of two for babysitting so loved ones can visit. The nurses would also appreciate students stocking the closets and filling water pitchers,” said Kroes.

Kroes also went to Pella Christian for their chapel and recruited six students. She hopes to come to both schools at the beginning of each school year. She encourages others to join and can be reached at 620-5054.

“For students wanting to go into social work or nursing, this is a good start for them. It’s also nice to have younger kids to help with all of the physical exertion, since many of my volunteers are older,” said Kroes.

For those that volunteered, there were many reasons driving their commitment. Many wanted to give back, have a chance to make a difference and help with the patient’s last days.

“I have a variety of reasons for volunteering. I think it’ll be tough, but somebody needs to do it. I think it’ll be a good experience for me,” said junior Chris Madigan.

•Amanda Laverman ([email protected])

Life2

812 University641-628-5285

www.central.edu

Jointhe

11.01.08

Before joining debate, I had moderate expectations. I thought that it would be a bunch of people arguing over different topics in a polite but unorganized manner. However, the amount of structure and complexity that is involved in debate was on an entirely different level than I had previously imagined. On a Tuesday afternoon, I walked to Room 601 and waited for 10 minutes before most of the members showed up. I later learned that the punctuality of many of the veterans is, at best, highly questionable. Their absence, however, gave me valuable time to learn the massive array of the rules of debate, which are far too numerous and complex for the scope of this article and the average reader. After everyone had settled in, two teams of two people flipped a coin to choose which side of the argument they were

on: affirmative or negative. After sides were chosen, the affirmative team began. Over the course of 40 minutes, the

sides engaged in a roller coaster duel of the mind, bending facts and their opponents’ own arguments against them in a quest for intellectual dominance. Afterwards, Coach Rasmussen and various team members critiqued the arguments and changed the affirmative and negative plans in preparation for their debates in Knoxville. While I myself had no chance to actively participate in a debate, I was so impressed with the team and debate in general that I decided to join right then and there. I encourage anyone who has ever thought of joining activities such as Mock Trial, speech or just someone who likes to argue, to join debate. It is a highly underrated activity that is far more interesting than most people give it credit.

•Andrew Sagers ([email protected])

Group: DebateNumber of Members: 11Coach: Dak Rasmussen

Captains: Will Harris, Greg Ellingson, Alex Lopez, Ben Lyng

How You Join: Show up

OurPlatinumSupport...

Government students reach out at Pella Comfort House

As the job market becomes increasingly competitive, with high-paying jobs hard to find, more high school students are deciding to enter college. However, the ACT, a key component of entering college, is beginning to decline in importance. Last year, the Regent Universities, composed of the University of Iowa, Iowa State and the University of Northern Iowa, implemented a new system pertaining to the acceptance of incoming college freshmen (2009) called the Regent Admission Index (RAI). Instead of taking just the ACT composite score into account, the RAI will look at a student’s ACT composite score, class rank, GPA (grade point average) and a student’s core classes. The fourth factor, the core classes, is what may help students who struggled academically get accepted into college. “The RAI, in my opinion, allows the student that

isn’t as good academically as far as class rank, GPA and ACT to succeed. The fourth factor – the core classes – starts to even out the playing field for that student that is maybe not as gifted, but a hard worker,” said counselor Mike Ballenger.Students may be able to improve their chances of getting into a state college by taking more classes, such as a foreign language, rather than focusing all their hopes on the ACT. “If anything, (the RAI) will slightly increase the number getting accepted into college,” said Ballenger. While there may be a push to encourage students to take more classes, it is hard for students to manage a heavy load of core classes and additional vocational classes; something school administrations have been steadily encouraging throughout the years.

•Michael Suplee([email protected])

Ruling reduces field trip opportunities State universities implement Regent Admission Index

HELPING EACH OTHER. Sophomore Jocelyn Van Dyke and senior Greg Ellingson prepare for their home debate. “It was really nice to have a home debate. We’ve had a really successful season, and our awesome levels are at an all time high,” said Ellingson. •Photo by Mary DeVries

Club

VOTE! Senior Ryan Kamerick fills out his ballot for the Nov. 4 election. It was Kamerick’s first time voting. “It was really interesting to vote for the first time. I learned a lot. I was surprised to find out that their were more than two candidates running for president,” said Kamerick. •Photo by Seth Vander Horst

Page 3: November Pelladium

Lifepage editorandrea huffman 311.11.08

Name: Alaina Spaur Hobbies: “Drawing, cycling, and working.”Groups involved in: “Punk Rock Cycling.” What it does: “It is a women’s racing team for cycling. It promotes women’s cycling by competing in races because not many women are involved in cycling.”

Greatest Achievements: “In 2006, I got two gold medals for racing in the Iowa Games. Also, in 2007, I received a gold for the time trial race, I beat my closest competitor by one minute. I received the silver medal from the road race.”

What races involve: “A time trial is when you race 12 miles and attempt to get the best time. A road race is 26 miles and it’s a basic route that is shaped like a circle and includes different obstacles than a time trial such as, hills and wind resistance.”

•Andrea Huffman ([email protected]) 1. Eat: “I really like to eat at Pizza Ranch for a few reasons. It’s an all you can eat buffet, which I like, and it has good comfort food. Out of everything at Pizza Ranch, I like the dessert pizza best.”2. Shop: “ I don’t go shopping in Pella that much. If I did shop here, I would go to Franklin Street Clothing because they have pretty much everything you would ever need. Plus, the guy who works there is helpful and nice.” 3.Be in School: “I love all of the places

we go to for band, whether it be out on the practice field or in the auditorium. I’ve really liked my marching band experience and I think it’s good to get to know kids from other grades who are in your section… and trombones rock.” 4.Be outside of school: “Everyone probably says this, but I like to go to the movie theater with friends. The reason is obvious: it’s the movie theater, I like movies. Also, the theater is air conditioned, which is nice when it’s

humid out.”5.Thing about self: “I guess my favorite thing about myself would be that I am a nice and laid back person. I don’t try to be bossy or in your face. Oh, and my other favorite thing about myself is that I bring donuts for the upperclassmen trombones.” •Megan Card ([email protected])

My Pella TopFreshman Mitchell Nunnikoven

Girls’ State is a mock state government for junior girls. This can continue on to Girls Nation, a more select federal version. Senior Melissa Van Norden participated with the national group July 20-26 in Washington D.C.How did you get involved?“Girl state had counselors on each floor who selected one girl. Then the girls on each floor selected two more girls. With a total of 14 girls, we had to fill out an application and have an interview. The staff then selected two girls to continue on.”What challenges did you face?“Honestly, it was a challenge just keeping up with the other girls. Most of the girls had an interest in politics and government for quite some time. I had only become interested through my attendance to Girl State. However, I wanted to learn as much as I could in the short time I was

there which was pretty difficult.”What was your favorite part?“The Senate meetings and debating bills. I liked it a lot because it was so much fun. Also our purposed bill was passed through the mock Senate.”What was the most memorable part?“The Holocaust Memorial was really emotional. I had been there when I was younger but never realized how heart-breaking it was. It didn’t register until I visited again this year.”How does this benefit you in the future?“I learned so much by going to Girls’ Nation. Now, I’ll be able to understand more that going on with our government.”

•Josh Dale ([email protected])

In the years he attended high school, students wore their Sunday best, and typing teams were the “in” extracurricular activity. Seventy-four years and seven grandchildren later, Robert (Bob) Klein, still a Pella resident, reminisced over his past experiences as a graduate of Pella High. “There was only one school then; we had no Christian private schools as an alternative. Each class consisted of probably … oh, 30 or 40 students. Everyone, and I’m serious, everyone had an after school job back then. Unlike most of the students today, kids in the ‘30s had to help their family make the bills, especially the farming ones. And, we were always known as the Pella Dutch,” said Klein. Through world wars, civil rights, and cultural movements that shook the nation, Klein had first-hand accounts as a small town teenager. “As a teen, I never really got involved with politics or world events. I was a kid, and I wanted to talk about girls and sports. That was just the way it was. As teenagers, we were pretty isolated in Pella from the major conflicts,” said Klein.

Even after 74 years since his graduation, Klein can still recount his every day routine for a school day. “The three ways of transportation for getting to school were pretty simple. It was either a parent, a bike, or a pair of legs. I was one of the lucky ‘townies’ who had their own car by high school. Like you kids nowadays, we had to take all the required classes; math, science and history. The best part of the day, though, was the assembly periods, which consisted of band, choir, and orchestra. Music has always been a pretty active part of the Pella High academic program, I was in all three groups as well as glee club,” said Klein. Traditions were also a fun addition to the sometimes dreary school year. Unlike the easy-going chalk drawing class competition during homecoming, in 1934, the stakes and overall risks were a bit higher. “We called it the ‘Big Pull,’ and it happened during the Spring of the Year. Basically we would line the sophomores on one end of a pond, and the freshman on the other side. The rest is pretty simple. They would play tug of war until

one side was pulled completely in. It was a hoot to see these ‘freshies’ faces when they realized they were about to plunge into the water. They would then be soaked for the rest of the day,” said Klein. Since he graduated, Klein has had a career and raised a family in Pella. He remembers the past well, but he also looks forward to further successes for the Pella Community School District. “I love to think about the past, but I love living in the future even more. School in Pella has only excelled since I attended, and while kids are 10 times busier than I was, I think they have a larger amount of opportunity because of all the hard work. I’m proud to say I graduated from Pella, and I can’t wait to see how this generation progresses from teenagers to adults,” said Klein.

·Megan Card ([email protected])Editor’s Note: A special thanks to the late Roy Van Vark. He had the initial idea for the story and the picture associated with it. Unfortunately, he died at his home on Sept. 27 before he was able to be interviewed for the story.

Klein remembers 7 grandchildren, 2 World Wars, 74 years later

Van Norden goes Nationalpunk rock & rollerSpaur rides as a

Page 4: November Pelladium

He may not be able to hear every beat, but freshman Austin Fuller is keeping pace as a percussionist in the frontline of the marching band. Fuller, who is affected by a hearing loss, makes up for this with a hearing aid called a cochlear implant implanted into his ear. The implant stimulates the hearing nerves located in the cochlear of the ear instead of amplifying sound waves. He is also assisted by Kristy De Jong, who uses sign language to communicate. “Working with Austin is very challenging because of all the classes and extra-curricular activities. Band and football make it hard because sometimes I have to spend 12 hours here, but it is very rewarding and fun to work with him,” said De Jong. Twenty-one million people in the United States are affected with varying degrees of hearing impairment, varying from mild to severe. Most use hearing aids and sign language to help compensate for their hearing impairment. “Austin does fine in band, and his hearing doesn’t affect him that much; he is good at what he does” said sophomore Mitchell Van Zante.

Q: How long have you been involved in music, band particular?A: I have been in band since middle school in sixth grade.

Q: Has your hearing impairment affected you in band?A: It doesn’t really affect me because I have a hearing aid in my ear called a cochlear implant. So, I can still hear you.

Q: Why did you decide to get involved in musical activities such as band?A: Music is awesome; my brother taught me how to play the drums and he was in band as well, so I wanted to do what he did.

Q: Future plans or goals in band?A: I want to get into the marching band’s drum-line.

•Michael Ge ([email protected])

• Clarke Hammes ([email protected])

Best Thanksgiving

tradition?

Sarah Palin is...Favorite Celebrity

FreshmanTaylor Cox

“Eating with the fam.”

“Jessica Alba.”

JuniorRichie Bales

SeniorMegan Simonsen

“Big ol’ turkey.”

“Kyle Korver.”

“Angelina Jolie.”

“Smokin’.”

“Alaskan.”

Microsoft Word or Pages?

“Word.”

“Microsoft Word!!!”

Teacher WendyVander Linden

Sophomore Elizabeth Shrout

“Football.”

“Funny when Tina Fey impersonates her.”

“Microsoft Word.”

“Christmas shopping the day

after.”“Steve Carell.” “Pages frustrates

me.”

“Who is Sarah Palin?”

“Sleeping.”

“A great speaker.”

page editorcaitlin simpson4 11.11.08

Cooking With Caitlin During fall, it is not uncommon to stumble upon a party that features bobbing for apples. However, bobbing for apples is not the only thing that could be done. For instance you could make some lovely apple pie or some apple cider. My personal preference is having sliced apples with an assortment of dips, but not the normal caramel. I mean, that one is good, but I personally prefer my mom’s marshmallow and heath bar dips. To make the marshmallow dip, all you need are two things: marshmallow fluff and cream cheese. Soften a stick of cream cheese, and then put that into a mixing bowl. Add the marshmallow as the mixer is spinning. Beat until both are combined, and then let it chill for awhile, or serve it right away with some nice slices of apples. To make the Heath dip, beat the brown sugar, powdered sugar, vanilla and cream cheese together at a medium speed until smooth. Put the toffee bits into the bowl, and then fold them into the dip. Same as the other dip, you can chill the dip or serve right away with some sliced apples. If you are having the apples for a long time, remember this tip to keep them from browning. Slice apples and then place them in a bowl, then add water and lemon juice, but remember to use one teaspoon of lemon juice for every two quarts of water.

Ingredients: •Marshmallow dip:

-8 ounces cream cheese, softened-7ounces marshmallow cream/fluff

•Heath bar dip:-! cup packed brown sugar

-! cup powdered sugar-1 teaspoon vanilla extract

-8 ounces cream cheese, softened-10 ounces Heath Bits ‘O Brickle Toffee Bits

•apple slices

([email protected])

Fuller defies stereotypes about deafness

OurPlatinumSupport...

“Will Ferrell” “Pages.”

French students see Vincent performance at Central Famous French musician Eric Vincent performs for students at Cox-Snow Recital Hall in Central College. Students from French I, II, III and college French attended the performance, along with students from several schools in the area. According to French III student Nadya Khapochkina, “Monsieur Eric Vincent est un homme trés heureux. Il aime beaucoup chanter et être heureux. J’ai adore le concert. Il faut qu’on écoute sa musique. On l’aimerait. Et si on écoute sa chanson ‘Il n’ya plus de crocodiles à Cocody,’ on apprendrait que il y a encore des crocodiles à Cocody.” * *Translation: “Mr. Eric Vincent is a very happy man. He loves to sing very much and be happy. I loved the concert. You should listen to his music. You would enjoy it. And if you listen to his song ‘Il n’y a plus de crocodiles à Cocody,’ you will find out that there are in fact crocodiles in Cocody.”

•photo and story by Ranier Worstell ([email protected])

CONCENTRATION. Freshman Austin Fuller concentrates while performing in the front line at the Mid-Iowa band championships in Ankeny Oct. 18. The band took best drum line, best colorgaurd, best in 3A and best band overall. •Photo by Madison Vander Well

Page 5: November Pelladium

Kooyman Lumber221 South St.Pella, Iowa629-9663

LeightonProcessed Meats227 Otley St.Leighton, Iowa626-3211

Leighton State Bank900 Washington St.Pella, Iowa628-1566

MidWestOne Bank700 Main St.Pella, Iowa628-4356

Oriental Express706 Main St.Pella, Iowa620-1199

Pella Glass & Home Improvement2415 Old Hwy. 163Pella, Iowa628-4381

Community 1stCredit Union500 Main St.Pella, Iowa628-2022

Edward Jones Investments Scott Van Tasell809 Washington St.Pella, Iowa628-1552

Embellish605 Franklin St.Pella, Iowa628-1738

G&B Concrete313 Oskaloosa St.Pella, Iowa628-3535

Garden ChapelFuneral Home1301 Main St.Pella, Iowa628-2430

Jansen’s

Decorating & Kitchens614 Franklin St.Pella, Iowa628-4247

Our GoldSponsors...

An Extra Hand Cleaning Service601 Hwy. T14Pella, Iowa780-8160

Eyecare Partners823 Franklin St.Pella, Iowa628-9225

Fareway2010 Washington St.Pella, Iowa628-9995

Grafx2aTee2017 Washington St.Pella, Iowa620-8337

Off The Square

Portrait Studio1003 Broadway St.Pella, Iowa628-1426

page editorsamanda lavermanjosh dale 511.11.08 A&E

Marching Dutch ends seasonwith top honors at Ankeny, state

YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I WANT. Junior Maggie Landon and senior Stewart Beyer, left, perform “You’re the One That I Want” during the cast’s performance to the middle schoolers on Oct. 30. “It was incredible. I made so many friends. It was amazing at how well we pulled it off for being the first musical in 15 years,” said Landon.

FREDY MY LOVE. Sophomore Heidi Gritters, right, sings about her character Marty’s love for a marine named Fredy. “It was super busy, but I couldn’t have spent two months any better. Being on stage was worth all the hard work,” said Gritters.

MAGIC CHANGES. Junior Drew Senn, below, performs “Magic Changes” during the Oct. 30 performance. Senn was the character Doody, and he learned the guitar for part of this song. “The musical was very successful. I think we should have more performances. It was a lot of fun because we got to be around our friends at practices three nights a week” said Senn.

•Photos by Seth Vander Horst

Grease “Lightning’s” up the stage

The Marching Dutch wrapped up their season with thunderous applause at the Mid-Iowa Band Championships in Ankeny Oct. 18. In addition to winning their class and receiving top honors in percussion and color guard, the Marching Dutch also scored above all of the 4A marching bands for the night, beating out 23 other bands for the top score of the night. The first place finish marked the end of a successful season for the Marching Dutch, as they earned top honors at Davis County Band Festival and at ValleyFest Showdown, where they received first in their class, and excellent marching overall. The Marching Dutch recieved their 33rd consecutive “superior” rating at state contest in Williamsburgh Oct. 18 with a score of 95.9. “Competitively, it was a very good season,” said Director Jason Pentico, “To end up getting the high score of the night was a great accomplishment. It was a very effective show; we brought a lot of emotion (to the audience), and it was nice that we got recognition for all our hard work.” But winning competitions is not how the Marching Dutch base the success of their season. Showing showmanship, class and teamwork are just as important as a trophy, if not more. “A lot of people want to get a high placement, but you don’t get that without teamwork and a sense of being a family,” said drum major senior Stewart Beyer, “I think that helps people – especially the freshmen, who are new members – to go into a competition and do well.” Directors and members alike feel that they put not only a good show, but also an emotional show on the field – a show that many could relate to. “We achieved a great product that surpassed expectations,” said Director Dick Redman, “I really enjoyed the show because it (the ‘60’s) was something that I went through and could relate to.” “In my opinion, this was the most successful season of my career competition-wise and with keeping the tradition of dedication and passion that previous members gave,” said Beyer. “I’m going to miss marching band.”

•Michael Suplee ([email protected])

ALL STATE. Freshman Shenstone Huang; orchestra, seniors Tom Butler and Nick Wills; band, seniors Mollie Kingma and Sonia Han; orchestra and junior Erin Van Hal; band, were the six students chosen for All State. All State auditions were held in Indianola on Oct. 25. On Nov. 21 the students will audition again to see what chair they will recieve for the All State Nov. 23 concert at the Hilton Coliseum. “I am really excited to go to Ames and get together with hundreds of band students from across Iowa. And to play Apples to Apples with Mr. Redman,” said Kingma.

•Photo by Madison Vander Well

Page 6: November Pelladium

In-Depth page editordevon o’brien

cameron downing 76 10.7.08

Sitting in the unfamiliar office of an oncologist, you receive the heart wrenching news that you have brain caner. While this may seem to only happen in books and movies, it was sophomore Gerrit Visser’s reality. Visser was diagnosed with a brain tumor in late September 2008. After seeing his mother, Stephanie, battle and overcome breast cancer, it gave him the inspiration in fighting his own cancer.

History: “My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago. My dad is the National Guard, and he was stationed in Afghanistan at the time my mom got her diagnosis. My grandma from Utah flew to be with us to help fill my mom’s role. My father

> Visser battles cancer •Andrea Huffman, [email protected]

an inside look

returned home for good while my mom was finishing her battle with cancer.”

First Signs:“This past fall I got a terrible migraine, which was the first sign, though we didn’t know it at the time. We thought that the migraine was due to a nasal infection. Then, I started getting double vision, so we went to the eye doctors. The eye doctor determined that it had nothing to do with my eyes, and they sent me to the doctors in Iowa City. In Iowa City they did a MRI, which resulted in the finding of my brain tumor.”

Finding Out:“When I found out, I was scared and awed. It’s one of those things where you think it’ll never happen to you until it does. My dad was just silent, and my mom reassured me that we’d get through it, and we are.“

Treatment:“Originally, they told us that the treatment rate for my kind of cancer was 95-98%, so I was lucky. I’m currently going through radiation treatment every week day. It’s a two-hour drive there and back for treatment and only a 15-minute session. Radiation can make you really emotional; I cry sometimes. My mom is great to have during those times, though. She had breast cancer, so she’s been through it and knows what it can be like. I now pretty much have a 100% recovery rate. There was a 90% reduction after 10 radiation treatments. I was astounded because only 10% remained, and I had only gotten the low levels of radiation, not even the big stuff yet. After the second MRI, they had a hard time even finding the tumor. I will have

to finish all of the treatments though, just to be safe.”

Fighting:“Sometimes, I get extremely tired; at other times I’m up at ‘em and getting through the day. It just depends on the day. My mom always just tells me to just get through today and not to worry about tomorrow.”

Cross Country:“It’s the coolest thing in the world for the cross country to shave their heads in support of me. When my mom first told me, I didn’t believe it. On my way home from treatment one day, my parents took me to the barbershop, the whole boys cross country team was inside. They were going crazy with the clippers and were getting my initials engraved in their heads. It’s so awesome; I was really touched.”

Role Model:“I don’t think of myself as a hero or role model, but if other people do because I have cancer and am still doing all my stuff (going to school, keeping up with homework, supporting the cross country team), then that’s fine. I visited the wrestling coach at Iowa; he asked if I felt sorry for myself. I simply replied that I don’t.”

Thank You:“I’d like to thank all of the teachers for helping me so much with my work. I’d like to thank my parents for all the support they’ve given me. Thanks to the cross country team for helping me and showing their support for me. I’d also like to thank my church because they’ve been helping me like crazy.”

cancer:•Stay away from microwaved food especially if it was heated in plastic. Carcinogens have been found in microwaved plastics that can then seep into your food. •Chemicals found in hair dyes such as diaminoanisole and FD&C Red 33 have been declared carcinogens. These carcinogens are known to cause Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, so use hair dye sparingly.•When talc is processed into household products, such as baby powder; a fiber similar to that of asbestos is not removed. Scientists say that the inhalation of that fiber can be a cause of lung cancer. For women that use baby powder often, it can be a cause of ovarian cancer. •Pesticides, of course, are dangerous and can lead to cancer. However, even weak pesticides that you would use in the garden or for bug control in the house have been linked to the risk of childhood Leukemia. •Radiation in x-rays and gamma rays have been proven carcinogenic, and have lead to, leukemia, lung, breast, thyroid, salivary glands, stomach, colon, bladder, ovaries, central nervous system and skin cancer. Therefore, x-rays should only be taken when absolutely necessary and test the radon levels in your home.•Avoid tobacco in any form, even in secondhand smoke. This carcinogen is the leading cause to lung, bronchus and oral cancers. •Eating a healthy diet everyday can help in preventing cancer. If you eat poorly and are not willing to change that, at least take a multivitamin daily. •Even though you need vitamin D, which sunlight provides, too much is not good. Wearing sun block can prevent Melanoma of the skin and wearing sunglasses can prevent cancer of the eye. •Not only should you protect yourself from the sunlight, but artifical sunlight is equally harmful. Avoiding tanning beds, lay-down or stand-up, can greatly decrease your chances of contracted skin cancer.•The Gardasil shot can prevent cervical cancer in women. The shot is a vaccination for HPV, which can cause cervical cancer. The shot is most effective for women who received the shot when they were between 9-12 years of age.

•Devon O’Brien ([email protected])Information gathered from www.canceriq.org

CANCERPREVENTION

Cancer is becoming more and more common everyday, but most think that they will never be affected by it. However, for seniors Megan Simonsen and Jenna Van Wyk and junior Todd Wegter cancer is a reality in their families. Simonsen’s mom is in remission from non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma whereas Van Wyk’s mom died from oral cancer, and Wegter’s father died from pancreatic cancer.

Reactions to the diagnosis varied between the three. For some like Simonsen, the news of her mother didn’t seem really.

“Looking back on it now I didn’t realize how sick she was or how serious it could have been,” said Simonsen.

However, Wegter had a harder time, as he thought about the effects it could potentially have on his ways of life.

“Initially it really just sucked. It changed how my entire family had to try to live,” said Wegter.

Van Wyk also had trouble dealing with the news. “It was devastating. I was so shocked, I just locked myself in

my room,” said Van Wyk.Everyone handles the pain and stress of dealing with cancer

differently. Some have trouble facing it at all, like Van Wyk.“I tried to avoid (my mom) which I regret now. I would stay

in a lot, rather than going out,” said Van Wyk.Seeing how Van Wyk regretted avoid the problems, others

need to find other ways to deal with the issue. For people

> Students deal with cancer, losses in families

TOGETHER. Freshman Zach Bucheit, senior Dan Haws and junior Jared Gerber show off their new haircuts in support of cross-country teammate, sophomore Gerrit Visser. •Photo by Mary DeVries.

like Simonsen, they need to let go of emotions and just have someone to talk to.

“At first, Austin just listened to me cry. I started thinking of the worst and was really scared. But I talked to my grandma and cousins a lot, which really helped,” said Simonsen.

But some can even deal with it in a positive way to avoid feeling so angry and sad about the situation. Wegter chose to focus on all the good things about the bad situation he was dealing with and that’s what gets him through.

“We got to say our goodbyes to (my dad), and he went so quickly, so he didn’t have to struggle for very long. Dealing with the cancer was hard because you just don’t get it…you know it’s happening for a reason…and you have to remember all the good times and appreciate what you had,” said Wegter.

•Devon O’Brien ([email protected])

Cancer affects numerous people every year, but for most students it still seems like an issue far in the future. However, it became an issue much sooner rather than later for sophomore Gerrit Visser, who was diagnosed with an inactive brain tumor early this fall but fortunately is done with his radiation treatments. As a member of the boys’ cross-country team, Visser was unable to participate this

year, but his teammates did not forget about him. The boys’ team gathered at Topaz Styling Salon Oct. 10, where they had their heads buzzed and “GV” shaved into the side. The team did this in time for the conference meet, which took place Oct. 13, and kept it for the district and state meets as well. The girls’ team, on the other hand, wore camouflage ribbons with Gerrit’s initials on them in

> Cross country supports teammatethese meets. “We shaved our heads for Gerrit because we wanted to support him throughout his treatment process,” said senior cross-country captain Josh Hones. Visser has had treatments five days a week in Iowa City. They ended Oct. 30. Aside from shaving their heads, the team also gathered over $700 for the Vissers to

help with transportation costs involved with the treatments. “I was astounded. My dad drove me downtown to (Topaz), and I had no idea what was happening. It was crazy to see them all shaving their heads because some of them had pretty long hair; I was really just at a loss for words,” said Visser.

One in three people will contract cancer;

one in four will die from it.

-www.cancer.gov

+

HOPE. Senior Megan Simonsen and middle schooler Brooke Simonsen visit their mom, Tonya, in the hosipital with their younger cousin. This was Tonya’s last chemotherapy treatment. •Photo submitted by Simonsen.

•Marcus Haustein ([email protected])

•Photo by Mary DeVries

Page 7: November Pelladium

Four-day school week offerspossibilities for new outlook

Opinion page editorranier worstell8

Staff Editorial Editorial Cartoon

Co-Editors: Will Harris, Marcus HausteinCopy Editor: Michael SupleeDesign Editor: Cameron DowningPage Editors: Nicolas Birkel, Josh Borgerding, Cameron Downing, Clarke Hammes, Will Harris, Marcus Haustein, Andrea Huffman, Amanda Laverman, Devon O’Brien, Caroline Philips, Andrew Sagers, Caitlin Simpson, Josh Van Ee, Ranier WorstellPhotographers: Josh Dale, Tyler NeffCartoonists: Michael Ge, Eric Moore, Ranier WorstellBusiness Manager, Associate: Josh Borgerding, Megan CardReporters: Morgan Anderson, Liz Core, Tyler Elliott, Michael Ge, Caleb Klyn, Nathan Kooker, Addie Smith, Kelsey Van TasellAdviser: Ann VisserPhoto Adviser: Jeff BokhovenEditorial Board: Mary DeVries, Cameron Downing, Greg Ellingson, Will Harris, Marcus Haustein, Dak Rasmussen

The Pelladium is a monthly tabloid produced by the high school journalism department to serve

as an informative, educational and entertaining communications media and to provide an open forum to students and readers. •Letters to the Editors are welcome and encouraged. These letters must be signed and should, in no way, be libelous, irresponsible or obscene. Letters must have verified facts and should deal with issues. The Pelladium reserves the right to edit grammatical errors, libelous content or length due to the space limitations. Letters may be brought to Room 201 or sent to Pella Community High School, Box 486, Pella, IA 50219. •The Pelladium will strive to deliver information in a fair and truthful manner. The Pelladium will function in accord with all applicable laws, both in regard to the rights and restrictions of journalism. •The views expressed in this publication are those of the individual writer and not necessarily those of the Pella Community High School Administration or the Pella Community Schools Board of Education. The Pelladium will make retractions in the event of errors made in the content of printed stories. Retractions will be printed in the issue immediately following the issue containing the errors. •The Pelladium is a member of the Iowa High School Press Association.

11.11.08

Alt. News][ •Eric Moore ([email protected])

Across the state, many school districts are contemplating switching to a four-day school week. The idea has especially caught on in rural districts, where schools have been struggling to pay for increased fuel prices in a sinking economy, as recent estimates predict the change could save districts around $20,000 annually. The Pelladium staff feels the change would be beneficial and strongly encourages our district to open discussion on the topic. Not only would the change save money that could then be put into expanding arts and extracurriculars, raising teacher pay and offering school-funded field trips---which, currently, is the only legal way to provide for field-trips---but also it would help keep students energized. Since the reduction in school days per week would result in an increase in school hours per day (from 6 ! to eight), many opponents of the proposition feel otherwise. “I haven’t been convinced that having kids start at 7:45 and go until 4:15 would have a positive impact on student achievement. Squeezing the same amount of learning into longer days but [having] fewer of them is contrary to what we know about how people learn,” said Superintendent Mark Wittmer. Still, we think students are mainly tired from a lack of free time rather than the length of school days. Students, we believe, could be more eager to actively participate in the classroom if given more time to spend as they choose and pursue other, non-curricular interests, enabling them to view school as an opportunity for education; not a job-like obligation. This claim is supported by schools in Arizona and Colorado, which, according to “The Des Moines Register,” have seen attendance rise due to the switch. “I think it’s a good idea because it’s only adding a couple hours to school days, and it’s giving us a whole extra day at the end of the week. Students would have more desire to learn because they would have more time on weekends,” said junior Richie Bales. We agree, and urge the district to begin debating the pros and cons of the switch.

The staff voted in favor of this editorial 20 to 7.

It’s official: the United States economy has gone down the drain, at least for the time being. You know there is a problem when $700 billion in taxpayers’ money must be used to save a bunch of failing financial institutions. However, as ridiculous a situation as this is, I’m not about to start ranting about the huge bailout for those reckless lenders on Wall Street. I’m too busy thinking about the First Brigade of the Third Infantry Division being deployed in the United States. That’s right, as of Oct. 1, four thousand soldiers have been deployed in the United States with a mission of crowd control in situations of civil unrest. These soldiers have access to lethal and non-lethal crowd control mechanisms, and even tanks. Apparently, this goes along with California Rep. Brad Sherman’s claim that members of Congress were told martial law could take effect in the United

States if the bailout bill was not passed. Domestic deployment of United States military is generally prohibited under the The Posse Comitatus Act, with only a few exceptions. However, President Bush started chipping away at Posse Comitatus when the military was brought in to help with Hurricane Katrina, after which the administration pushed for complete elimination of Posse Comitatus. Bush also altered the 1807 Insurrection Act so that he has even greater powers in the case of an “insurrection.” Should some sort of uprising or rebellion occur, Habeas Corpus is also suspended and citizens can be seized and held without trial. Now here we are, soldiers being deployed onto our streets in order to keep things under control, a generally illegal practice. As our Commander-in-Chief, President Bush can tell these soldiers to take

whatever actions he pleases. This means they can arrest voters, kill civilians and do basically anything else you can think of, though retired U.S. Air Force Colonel and Vietnam Vet. David Antoon has other ideas. Antoon says that military officers’ first job is to uphold the constitution, even if it means to disobey orders from the President. It’s a shame not everyone is as honorable as Antoon. I’m not really a big fan of this whole martial law thing. Let’s be honest. What is this? Bush’s last stand? He’s moving out of the White House in a few months and wants to make a lasting impression? I’m going to go out on a limb and say he’s already done that. I mean, look at our ‘flourishing’ economy, not to mention all of our loving allies and great educational program. Hopefully, I don’t get seized by the government.

•Marcus Haustein

Oops!

Recent increases in the cost of gas and utilities has caused many school districts to question their budgets. Such districts are considering several economic strategies. One idea being tossed around is that of a four day school week. Implementing this plan would lengthen school days by a given amount of time, depending on requirements in that district’s state. By doing this, the total amount of ‘learning’ hours would be obtained in a mere four day week. Since busses would not function on the dropped day, transportation costs could also be reduced by 20 percent. According to an article in the Sept. 28 “Des Moines Sunday Register,” 17 states boast districts successfully using a four day week system. In Iowa’s case, Van Buren County has recently submitted a proposal of their own four day week, which they hope to implement as soon as next year. However, state government has not yet taken a position, simply saying, “There’s a lot of pros and cons to (the plan).” Eliminating a day would have other advantages. For instance, longer periods would benefit class activities previously cut short on time. Also, the fifth day could be used for special events, like band rehearsals, while allowing students to still enjoy the weekend. Plus, younger children would arrive home close to the same time as their parents, ending their need for after-school care. Of course, a four day week comes with disadvantages. Foremost, many may consider the new days agonizingly long and draining. Second, scheduling extracurricular activities would be strained. Potential safety issues would arise in the winter months, as the sun would be setting on walking children. Finally, depending on the circumstance, child care costs for the fifth day might exceed the after-school money saved. The Pella School District has not seriously considered the four day week as of now but it remains a possibility for the future as the economic climate begins to more dramatically shape school functions.

“(The four day school week) might seem nice at first, but I think it would end up not being so good. We would get home around an hour-and-a-half later, and we would have extra time in classes that we don’t like to have for 40 minutes already.”-Sophomore Josh Meuzelaar

“I would be in favor of a four day week, as it would allow for longer class periods. This would allow students to complete labs that take multiple days in one day. The loss of lab time due to transitions adds up over he school year. Fewer transitions would allow for more time for instruction and investigation. However, extended class time could be arranged without a four day week. (i.e: block or modified block scheduling) More investigation into the four day week would need to be done to show its value to education…it may not be the best solution for every community.”

-Science teacherRobin Hammann

•Nathan Kooker ([email protected])

[ ] Congrats to all the students/athletes for their hard work during the first quarter of school. The football team, volleyball and cross-country teams have all had outstanding seasons. The marching band won top awards in every competition while performers in “Grease” presented a fantastic show. Additionally, pub-lications students won top honors from the Iowa High School Press Association. Looking forward to an equally memorable second quarter!

C he e r s !•Junior Chelsea Byers’ last name was misspelled in the musical cast listing in the October Pelladium. Junior Rachel Boertje’s first name was misspelled in the same listing.

•Don Quixote was referred to as a matador instead of a knight in a story in last month’s Pelladium.

Page 8: November Pelladium

Safe Haven

Summary

Citizens of Omaha are calling for changes in regards to the state’s new “safe haven” law. Former supporters of this law second-guessed themselves after 11 children were dropped off at Omaha hospitals. Safe Haven laws are unique to each state.

The general concept of Safe Haven allows caregivers to abandon babies and teenagers at hospitals without fear of prosecution. It was originally intended to protect infants, but was later expanded to include the protection of any child.

A father, who was not identified, left nine children at Creighton University Medical Center’s emergency room. The man dropped off five boys and four girls ages one to 17. At least 16 children have been abandoned since the law took effect in July.

•Caroline Phillips ([email protected]

9page editornicholas colin birkel

more credit, the “Star” or the “Nobody?”

Who gets

POINT COUNTERPOINT

Eric Moore’s Brink of Sagacity ([email protected])

Josh Borgerding’s Postulates

It’s a type of magazine that sells incredibly well, yet it includes nearly useless information. No, completely useless. Yet, people continue to buy them.

I’m talking about tabloids. You’ve seen them; they dwell in coffee shops and waiting rooms all over America. There are dozens of them, none of which include any beneficial information.

Why should I need to know if Jennifer Lopez drinks Dr.Pepper? When will I need to know Brad Pitt’s shoe size?

What amazes me even more is how many of these articles are proven fake or exaggerated, yet people still read them! Fictional stories about real people you probably won’t ever meet. I don’t know if it’s that people’s lives aren’t interesting enough for them, or if they just like the idea of knowing what’s going on with other people. Maybe they like to see others humiliated so they’re more content with their situation. Celebrities are people just like us; plastic people, but people nonetheless. It isn’t as though they’re magic or something. But, often, they are portrayed as magic.

A celebrity can say, “9/11 was bad,” and people are amazed. Yet there could be some guy in Oklahoma, let’s call him Don, who has written books about 9/11. Who gets more credit, the “Star” or the “Nobody?” That’s right. People are swayed

easily by bodacious celebrities. If you have more people willing to listen to you, and a good reputation, you appear to be so much more intelligent.

Each year, more and more people subscribe to these kinds of magazines and read the same things about the same celebrities, doing the same things average people do.

Why should it matter if Zack Efron buys a new car? Lots of people buy cars; it happens every day. I don’t need a magazine to tell me that it’s going on with one specific person.

I think people should stop reading other stories and start writing their own. Make your own dreams come true. Be what you want to be. If you spend your whole life listening to someone else’s story, then you don’t have much of a life, do you?

Safe Haven : Saving the children or the parents?

There is a catastrophe that is escalating in our society today. Scared or unprepared mothers are keeping their pregnancies a secret, and disposing their child after birth. Safe Haven laws are a blessing to our world. Not only does Safe Haven provide an alternative to an expectant woman who may make a drastic choice in a moment of desperation, but Safe Haven also provides for hopeful parents waiting to adopt.

One might not be aware of how many babies were left abandoned before the induction of Safe Haven laws to our society. A survey of the HHS Administration for Children and Families found that 65 babies were abandoned in public places in 1991, and 105 in 1998. In general, Safe Haven laws allow a parent to anonymously leave an unwanted newborn baby in a safe place, such as a hospital, emergency medical services, police station or fire station, and not have to worry about facing prosecution. The baby will then be given to the state’s child welfare department. According to asafehaven.com, 117 babies have been saved since 2000 because of the law.

Since Safe Haven laws are unique to each state, every state can alter the law. As of July, Omaha’s law states that the law applies to every “child” and does not specify an age limit, leaving it open to interpretation.

Recently in Omaha, a father left nine children at Creighton University Medical Center’s emergency room. The man dropped off five boys and four girls ages one to 17. One might look at this situation and think the government is being irresponsible to let this happen, but really, that is not the case.

Any person that would dispose of a developed child over the stage of infancy is not in the proper state to be a parent. Safe Haven provides these children with a new home that is much more stable, and parents that are better prepared and willing to be parents.

Without these laws, many children would continue to go through life in an unstable home with parents that are not mentally lucid or well equipped for parenting.

•Caroline Phillips ([email protected])

Have any of you ever thought about culture? I am not talking about Dutch culture, because that is something that this town has plenty of. I am talking about the modern culture that seems to be seeping from American cities. Millions are growing up in urban societies where the arts and expressionism take center stage; But, what about us “townies?” We seem to have missed out on this new age trend.

I will argue that there is expression in our school. If you take a walk down the hallways and just look at what the students are wearing, you will find a veritable hodgepodge of style and color. From neon green T-shirts to brown polos with popped collars, each student has a different idea of how clothes should be worn. This is fantastic, but it stops there. The lack of diversity leaves us all vulnerable on a macro scale.

I recently went on a college visit to St. Louis. While walking to get pizza with my host and my new friends, we went through a district that was dramatically called “The Loop.” This place was buzzing. As I passed a post-modernism art gallery, I realized just how far removed I was from my home. A glance over my shoulder produced a woman in traditional Hindi garb, a man and a woman sipping coffee under a parasol, and an Asian man who was plucking what looked like some sort of ethnic guitar. As

we continued along to Pi Pizza, I wondered why Pella had not adopted such varied expression.

I don’t think that Pella will ever adapt to this urban culture, and in the eyes of many in this town, this would be good. People move here for the safe-haven that is provided by city limits. But there is a world outside of here. Some think it’s messy and crude, but the benefits far surpass the sludge on the bottom. If you are waiting for Pella to change to even a semi-urban culture, don’t hold your breath. Stay here because you seek homogeny not diversity.

During their sojourn in our town, some kids start to wonder if there is something bigger. As these students mature, they feel that they should be able to draw from and contribute to a world that celebrates many different cultures equally. Though Pella has been a fantastic incubator, I cannot wait to dive into the diverse urban world.

([email protected])

What if everyone had the misconception that once you are widowed, you no longer are responsible for your children? Should being a single parent automatically qualify you to abandon your children? This is what one man thought, afterwards dumping his children off at an Omaha hospital. The thought of this is quite disturbing and just makes one think what the world would be like if you didn’t have to fulfill your job as a parent.

Parents have been taking advantage of Nebraska’s program, some even crossing state lines to abandon their teens...legally. Critics argue that parents could use this new law to punish their delinquent teens. For this reason, some question whether the ‘no questions asked’ policy is necessary; some even say it could be potentially dangerous.

Supporters argue that anonymousness is necessary to convince parents to drop off a child they could otherwise be putting into harm’s way. With no risk of prosecution for child abandonment I wouldn’t be surprised if hundreds of parents flock to Nebraska to abandon their children. Nebraska needs to change the law quickly unless it wants to be known for the foolproof adoption method. The first step Nebraskan officials should take is require a Nebraskan form of identification, such as drivers license to reduce drop-offs.

Also, parents should have to prove that they are mentally, financially, or otherwise incapable of raising their children. This would create a wall for parents who are dropping off children for personal misgivings about raising a child, or are practicing a horrendous form of punishment on their kids.

Just because they are dropped off, doesn’t mean they are immediately adopted and given a loving home. Foster children often are raised in substandard conditions while in public housing. That system is broken, and can’t afford a fresh influx of new adoptees. The only safe bet about the Safe Haven Law is that we could be helping to raise a generation of unloved, unnurtured children with little to no structure in their lives. By no fault of their own, they could possibly become a heavy burden to our society financially, legally and otherwise.

•Jacob Patrick Meyer ([email protected])

waiting for Pella to change...don’t hold your breath.

If you are

11.11.08

Page 9: November Pelladium

Reviews page editorjosh borgerding10 11.11.08

Sports Page Bar & Grill

1111 W. 16th St.Pella, Iowa620-1149

of 108.5

of 109.0

of 109.5

of 106.0

Sports Page Apparel

1582 Washington St.Pella, Iowa628-4999

Stravers True Value

818 Main St.Pella, Iowa628-3330

Ulrich Ford-Lincoln-

Mercury

1130 W. 16th St.Pella, Iowa628-2184

US Bank

801 Broadway St.Pella, Iowa628-2121

Van Berkum Appliance

822 Main St.Pella, Iowa628-4000

Van Gorp Insurors,

LTD.

723 Main St.Pella, Iowa628-4100

Van Hemert

Chiropractic Center

1310 Washington St.Pella, Iowa628-2099

Vander Ploeg Bakery

711 Franklin St.Pella, Iowa628-2293

Vermeer Sales

and Service

661 Hw. T 14 Box 168Pella, Iowa628-2000

Watch: “Beverly Hills Chihuahaua”

Listen: “Paper Trail”

Go: Haunt Nation

Read: “The Shack” It is a rare occasion when you find a book that will make you think, truly think; a book that stirs emotions somewhere deep inside of you; a book that asks questions you didn’t even realize you had; a book that provides information you will reflect on for years to come. This is one of those rare occasions. When Mackenzie Phillips’s youngest daughter, Missy, is kidnapped on a family vacation and evidence that she was brutally murdered is found in a long forgotten shack hidden deep in the wilderness, Mackenzie’s world is turned upside down. Four years later, he still faces the sting and pain of this Great Sadness that often threatens to overwhelm him. Then, he receives a letter, apparently from God, to visit the shack. He tries to ignore the note and finds that he can’t rest until he visits the shack. He goes against the unbelievable, and visits the shack, walking right into his worst nightmare, and an encounter that will change Mackenzie forever. This is a book where the main characters are God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as the Trinity; however, they are portrayed in a way that at first will have you saying ‘WHAT?!?!’ and then, ‘Why not?’ as you get used to the idea. “The Shack” will force even the fastest of readers to slow down, pause and chew over the words, thoughts and answers found within its pages. While reading this book, the brain will be confronted with information overload, but in a good way. This is a book that may require a second reading in order to even begin to grasp some of the concepts Mackenzie faces. Despite the difficult theories presented in this book, it is a fast read, propelled forward by the desire to know exactly what happened to little Missy. I highly recommend this book; it is a great story of the pain and suffering of a struggling father who is straying away from religion. Even the nonreligious will find this book intoxicating. This novel will leave the reader wanting to know more. •Morgan Anderson ([email protected])

T.I.’s new album “Paper Trail” came out Sept. 30, and has already peaked at number one on the U.S. Billboard Top 200. This is T.I.’s sixth album, but it is as good or better than any other album he has put out so far. The first main single, “Whatever you Like,” is one of the most successful of T.I.’s career. It isn’t the hardcore rap that everyone thinks hip-hop is, and, despite some profanity, it is a song that anyone could enjoy. The best part of “Paper Trail” would have to be the A-list stars who helped to record this album, such as Rihanna, Usher, Lil’ Wayne, Justin Timberlake, Jay-Z and others. With 18 tracks on the album, there are already six hits, including “Whatever you Like,” “What Up, What’s Haapni’n” and “Live your Life.” This album has something for almost everyone. The hard-core rap fans have songs with Lil Wayne and Jay-Z, while the rock and pop fans have songs with Justin Timberlake and Rihanna. Listeners who buy this album, will not be disappointed. The beats just stick, and they will not go away. •Telan Paulson ([email protected])

As an inexperienced haunted house attendee, I had no idea what to expect when offered the chance to tour the Urbandale/Grimes’ infamous spook-house, Haunt Nation. Because of my lack of haunted house knowledge, I did some research on its background. The legend of Haunt Nation consists of the usual scare tactics: tragically burnt down home, family murder-suicide and frequently visiting ghostly presences. Though the history of the haunted building was a bit hokey, it was enough to give me the creeps. Rolling up a gravel road to the eerie, dark entrance, I took note of the perfect location for the event. A dilapidated shack surrounded by an intimidating landscape accompanied with distant cries coming from inside the building made even the walk to the waiting line chilling. As VIP guests, we were treated noticeably well with a complimentary meal. I was a bit disappointed with the 20-minute wait we had to endure prior to being let in. In all honesty, the actual tour was a blur of flashing lights, blood splattered walls and ear-splitting shrieks emitting from none other than yours truly. I would have to say, though, that my debut in haunted-house touring was a successful one. I highly recommend this event to those of you who enjoy being chased by masked men with chainsaws, being shoved into dark rooms that contain a number of drooling un-dead creatures and generally just getting terrified out of your pants.

•Liz Core ([email protected])

I found myself half-sleeping through the opening of “Wall-e” when something on the screen caught my attention: Chihuahuas...colonies of them singing, dancing. I was intrigued and, considering that I had already demoted myself to the viewing of children’s movies, vowed that “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” would be the next movie patronized by my current significant other and me. The day came. My internet research had proven that “Beverly Hills Chihuahua’s” ratings far exceeded those of other movies of the weekend. I entered the theater in a somewhat jovial, 12-year-old mood, excited to see what Disney had produced for me using the beautiful voices of Drew Barrymore and George Lopez. Unfortunately, they couldn’t offer much. And so my rant begins, as “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” boasted no original ideas, interesting plotline or substance what so ever. The movie undoubtedly seemed like a half-baked hybrid of “Legally Blonde” and “Milo and Otis.” The story opens with scenes of a pampered female Chihuahua named Chloe, who, along with her puppy friends, has never tasted the bitter environment lived by regular dogs. However, when her dog-sitter decides to take a weekend trip to Mexico, Chloe wanders off, only to be abducted by dog fighters. When Chloe’s guardian realizes she is missing, the search begins. The sitter, her new landscaping companion and his Chihuahua, Papi, chase after Chloe as she ventures through Mayan Mexico, hitchhikes, and makes her way across a good portion of the country, all in 24 hours’ time. Chloe is finally found, the dog fighters are incarcerated, and all sorts of potential couples are enlightened to their passions – a happy (and very predictable) Disney ending. I did not leave the theater musing over a deep theme, or tearing at a touching tale. I simply left shaking my head. Whereas I can see movie providing a child with an hour and a half of entertainment, it did not contain any original thematic content. The mediocre moral of “material possessions don’t make up one’s character” was somewhat evident, but the humor and substance portrayed in advertising absolutely was not. I will, however, compliment Disney for their success in locating so many talking dogs. •Nathan Kooker ([email protected])

Our GoldSponsors...

Pella Motors

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Pella Supply

and Metal Fabrication

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State Farm, Agent

Kevin Van Wyk

606 Oskaloosa St.Pella, Iowa628-2550

American Family

Insurance. Erikka Ter

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604 Liberty St.Pella, Iowa628-1581

The Latin Bistro

813 Washington St.Pella, Iowa620-8888

Van Gorp Corporation

1410 Washington St.Pella, Iowa628-9212

Page 10: November Pelladium

Jock Talk

page editorsjosh van eeclarke hammes 1111.11.08

Kyle Oppenhuizen a 2005 graduate, recently completed a summer internship at USA Today. Oppenhuizen attends Iowa State University, where he will graduate in May.

Q: How did the internship come about?A: I was looking around at the internship board on our journalism schools website. My eye caught “USA Today” in a list full of small Iowa newspapers. The whole thing was unbelievable. I applied over Christmas break and heard back in February.

Q: Where was your office located?A: My office was in McLean, Va., a few miles outside of Washington, D.C. I was about four blocks from the White House, and a close walk to the Lincoln Memorial and all the other monuments in the area.

Q: What was your favorite assignment from the internship?A: My favorite was covering a major league baseball game. I got to sit in the press box during the Baltimore vs. Texas game, and along with that, got down to both teams’ clubhouses before and after the game.

Q: What did you learn from the internship?A: Just working at “USA Today” was irreplaceable. My writing improved, and I learned tricks to be able to write more clearly and concisely while still getting the information across.

Q: How does your experience at “USA Today” compare to the Iowa State Daily?A: I think the skills I learned at the Daily helped helped me prepare to work at the professional level. The biggest difference was not having any classes in the summer, so I didn’t have to worry about the hassles of being a student.

Q: Is it hard going from managing editor of sports to being an intern?A: I am almost completely in charge of the sports section at the Daily. At “USA Today,” I was just an intern, at the bottom of the totem poll. Nobody treated me like that, but at the same time it was a change having to report to people instead of the other way around.

•Aaron Grieger

From Pelladium to USA Today...

From the high school field of the Little Dutch to Gaylord Family Oklahoma Memorial Stadium of Oklahoma University, Dirk Ryals has experienced success over his 23-year course of refereeing football. Dirk Ryals, father of freshman Jessica Ryals and senior Jeff Ryals and husband to special education instructor Karen Ryals, began refereeing NCAA football games in the Big 12 Conference this year. He has been a referee for the past two decades, and has officiated in multiple games. “I have enjoyed refereeing at every level I have been involved in, from junior high to Division I football. If I had not enjoyed it so much, I probably would not have wanted to put in the time to move on to the next level. I set a goal of reaching Division I, and it is exciting to see it come true. You have to dedicate yourself and enjoy officiating, regardless of the situation,” said Ryals. Taking vacation days from his job at Pella Corporation, Ryals has worked his way across the country to officiate games. He has been to many cities, most recently to Oklahoma City, to referee games, and will continue to travel abroad as his job calls him to do. “There have been many wonderful experiences in my career, from small town games, to officiating state championships and games in front of more than 50,000 fans. One thing I learned from an NFL official early in my career is the game you are working on a particular day is the biggest and most important game there is for the players and fans present,” said Ryals. David Forsythe, father of juniors Blaine and Hannah Forsythe, also has a history of wearing the black and white stripes as a referee. Forsythe has been a referee for the past 20 years, starting his career officiating a

1A high school game. He has been involved in big games, and currently referees at the collegiate level. The 2007 Division III collegiate football championship in Salem, VA. marks the largest stage he has officiated. “Being able to stay close to the game is one of the main reasons I referee. I also have enjoyed the friendships I have made over the years. I feel that you have to enjoy every level you are at, and if the opportunity presented itself for me to officiate Division I football, then it would be great, but I am happy where I am at,” said Forsythe. Forsythe is also an employee at Pella Corporation, and juggles his time between that and being an official.

Ryals and Forsythe have both formed a personal relationship through officiating, and continue to referee the game of football.

•Clarke Hammes ([email protected])

Making the Calls

Bouwers Insurance Agency, 808 Washington St., 628-9235

Classic Aviation, 501 W. 15 St., 628-9393Comfort Inn & Suites, 910 West 16th St., 621-1421Copy Connection, 808 East 1st St., 628-4332Digital Solution, 809 W. 8 St., 628-0088Dutch Meadows Garden Center, 100 1/2

Vermeer Rd., 628-4450Georges Pizza, 629 Franklin St., 628-2802Gosselink’s Christian Bookstore, 719 Franklin St.,

628-4911Maid-Rite, 1590 Washington St., 628-4442Midtown Tire Company, 109 E. Oskaloosa St.,

628-1072MidWestOne Investment Services, 700 Main St.,

628-9973

Midwest Sanitation, 906 West 9th St., 628-2610Papa Murphy’s Pizza, 412 Oskaloosa St., 628-7272Pella Concerete Contractors, 669 S. Highway

T14, 628-3753STC Tire & Exhaust, 815 West 10th St., 628-3153Town Crier, 810 East 1st St., 628-1130Tri-County Vet , 650 Hwy. T14, 628-4040Tulip City Agency, 700 Washington St., 628-1270Ulrich Meat Market, 715 Franklin St., 628-2771Van Maanen & Associates, CPAs, 705 Main St.,

628-3737Van Maanen Seed & Chemical, 2073 Eaton Ave.,

Leighton, 626-3471Walmart, 1650 Washington St., 628-4583

Our GoldSponsors...

Vincent S. KlynAttorney at Law729 Main St.Pella, Iowa620-1707

Wells Fargo Bank712 Washington St.Pella, Iowa628-1606

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Work Systems Fitnessand Rehab.308 SE 9th St.Pella, Iowa628-4622

Dr. Mark ReckerDr. Eric Recker935 Main St.Pella, Iowa628-1604

Grafx2aTee2017 Washington St.Pella, Iowa620-8337

DIVISION I. Dirk Ryals overlooks the Iowa State football field during a Big 12 conference game during his first year of officiating at the Division I level.•Photo courtesy of Karen Ryals

State runner-up is, once again, a familiar position for the boys’ cross country team. They made it a repeat Nov. 1, finishing second to Algona. Junior Zach Wittenberg led the Dutch with a 10th place individual finish. Freshman Zach Buchheit was 18th, followed by junior Jon Klein (32nd), senior Andrew Bentz (41st) and junior Nathan Buchheit (47th). The girls’ team placed 10th at state, led by a 40th place finish by junior Madison Davis. Sophomore Mariah Vande Lune was 41st, followed by junior Amanda Dunkin (48th).

SUCCESS. Junior Nathan Buchheit joins seniors Josh Hones and Andrew Bentz as they raise the 3A state runner-up trophy in Ft. Dodge Nov. 1. The teams are coached by Doug Cutler and Robin Hammann.•Photo by Jordyn Vande Lune

Senior Andrew Ter Louw plays defensive tackle and tight end. Ter Louw has played football four years, three on varsity. He has contributed to the success of the currently undefeated Dutch (11-0 as of 11-06). This is the second year in a row the team has qualified for the state playoffs. “Being at practice and hanging out with the guys are the memories I will remember forever. Memories were made every day at practice and games,” said Ter Louw. •Photo by Mary De Vries

Senior Heidi Vander Molen has been on the varsity volleyball team for the past two years. She is one of two captains for the team this year. Vander Molen plays libero for the Lady Dutch, who recently defeated Williamsburg in a five game match to advance to the state tournament for the third consecutive year. The Dutch play Mt. Vernon in the first round of state Nov. 12. Vander Molen has many fond memories. “Going to all of our Saturday tournaments, singing with the girls on the suburban and beating the really good teams are just a few of the memories made,” said Vander Molen. •Photo by Jaime Ruisch

Boys finish secondin state XC meet

Oppenhuizen completes internship

Green Sponsors...

Ryals, Forsythe join college officiating ranks

Page 11: November Pelladium

page editorandrew sagers12 11.11.08Mental Hug

Brain Toothpaste •Eric Moore

Transitioning between the warm, balmy afternoons of summer to the harsh, frigid days of winter can be tough, so we’re here to help guide you through.

*First, it is crucial to find yourself a pair of long johns. They’re super snuggly, and they keep you warm, to boot. *Then, to acclimate yourself to the arctic temperatures that are Iowa winters, we recommend that you routinely shove your head

and upper body into a freezer. This process may seem unnecessary but believe us, it truly does help.*To keep yourself in a cheery mood throughout the dreary months of winter, immerse yourself in holiday music at least a month-

and-a-half before the winter equinox. A chorus or two of “Frosty the Snowman” can put a smile on even the biggest Scrooge’s face.*No one likes to be cold and bored, so to prevent the latter from occurring, get your weekends stocked full of themed parties and

events. For example, a “dress up like your favorite Candy Land character” party is always a hit. Also, you could high tail it on over to your local Christmas tree farm and check out the inventory this year.

*Ready yourself for snow days by skateboarding down the hills of Jefferson Elementary School. It can improve your balance and prepare you for the extreme velocity you’ll get when skiing and snowboarding weather comes around.

So, there you have it; everything you would possibly need to know to prepare yourself for the upcoming winter season. •Liz Core ([email protected]) and Morgan Anderson ([email protected])

Prepare for winter

How To:

Top Ten Fun Facts: The Matrix10. Dozer enjoys gardening and taking long walks on the beach, as long as he gets to kill someone and bury them in the garden. Good fertilizer.9. Cipher worked in some… “unsavory” areas of the service industry.8. Dick Nixon’s the One!7. Al Gore blotched out the sun to stop global warming. Yes, Al Gore is responsible for the enslavement of the human race.6. Squiddies have feelings, too… anger and bloodlust.5. Her name is Trinity because she lost her third leg in the war.4. Before Morpheus left the Matrix, he was an extremely successful Canadian pet psychiatrist.3. When Morpheus and Neo are alone, Morpheus refers to him as his “little Neopet.”2. If you listen closely before Cipher shoots Tank, you can just make out the soft pleading: “Don’t tase me bro, don’t tase me!”1. The red pill is actually 60 mL of Lysergic acid diethylamide. You’ll be tripping for the next three years.•Cameron Downing (cd.pelladium.gmail.com), Nick Birkel ([email protected])

Perched atop the castle, we waited. Our stay’s been getting worse. This week, They made us attend Obedience Classes, where we were forced to profess our love for Coke products . . . Then they came, telling us it was time to fulfill their demands. They shoved us into a Sinister Yellow Bus, and drove us to Her. Her name is Sarah Palin. Her name is Sarah Palin. Her name is Sarah Palin, and, as we would soon realize, she’s a robot. Hand-made by Karl Rove. And a prominent figurehead of the Grand Ole’ Party of Bush and Bush and Reagan the Great and, ha-ha, that dirtbag Nixon. They want more press; They’ve kidnapped the Greatest Writers Ever, but They need More. So,

They decided, Let’s get Sarah Palin for Hang Time! They phoned, found out She was too busy playing the part of Raging Idiot on primetime television, threatened to take Mr. McCain hostage, discovered Her schedule was suddenly cleared, leaving ample room for Hang Time, and then our night began. We were instructed to be Kind and let Sarah pick the activity. Bad Idea. Sarah’s free time consists of hunting bears from airplanes, going ape-(insert foul word here) at Her kids’ hockey games and being verbally slaughtered by Katie Couric (Brian Williams would likely eat Her whole). We traveled the land, far and wide, with Mrs. Palin, when she said

something that changed the course of our day. “Ya know guys, I think I’d rather go mews huntin’ den be involved in all dat poltics ovar der in Warrsshhington.” We stared at Her, flabbergasted, but we had to please Her; it’s part of Their curriculum. She wanted to take us to the Valley of the Shadow of Death. We suggested the bio-bus, but she had Another Idea. We took a Huge Red Pick-Up Truck (F-5000, of course), injudiciously throwing gas at pedestrians along the way. We arrived at Death’s Door and Sarah busted out the “Mews Holocaust 3030,” apparently some new-age hunting weapon. There we sat, waiting for what seemed like hours. Then Sarah started acting silly.

“ M a v e r i c k - - -Obamaterrorist---Al---a---ssk-aaa----system—l o a d — e r r o r - - - Jo o e e e Siiix--PACK---I-LOVE-YOU---please stand by fooor teeechhniicaaaall suuupppooort.” The robot was shutting down. The Blue Screen

of Death was upon Her. Then Karl Rove bolted out of the woods screaming “MY PANDER TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE MACHINE. MY SWEET, SWEET CREATION. NOOOO.” He picked Her up despite the sparks flying out of all orifices of Her body,

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running off into the Alaskan wilderness. And so ended the first Hang Time. (Hey Michael Du Pré, dig this?)

•Will Harris ([email protected])

and Nick Birkel ([email protected])