non violent communication and agile: individuals and interactions over processes and tools

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Flowers for my table over air for my lungs Non violent communicati on: Renee Troughton

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A general introduction into non violent communication and with a lead in on how it relates to Agile. This pack goes through the basics of NVC - the intent, the framework (observation, feeling, need, request), strategies, example questions and general ethos of NVC. Content is taken from my foundation training course and Dr Rosenberg's book. Content presented at the open space session at Agile Tour 2013 with the assistance of Shari Elle.

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Page 1: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Flowers for my table over air for

my lungs

Non violentcommunication:

Renee Troughton

Page 2: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Individuals and interactions…

Page 3: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.

Dr Marshall Rosenberg, Founder of

NVC

Page 4: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What Is Non Violent Communication (NVC)?

Page 5: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What Is Non Violent Communication (NVC)?

Page 6: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Jackals

He’s a good sonI’m late

because I got stuck in

traffic

If you eat all your dinner

than you can get dessert

Page 7: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Giraffes

A jackal is just a giraffe with a language

problem

Page 8: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Observation

Feeling

Need

Request

Page 9: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What is an observation ?

Page 10: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What is a feeling?

Page 11: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What is a feeling?AfraidApprehensiveFrightenedPanickedPetrifiedSuspiciousTerrifiedWaryWorried

AnnoyedExasperatedFrustratedImpatientIrritated

AngryFuriousIndignantOutragedResentful

AversionAppalledContemptDisgustedHateHorrifiedRepulsed

ConfusedAmbivalentHesitantLostPerplexedPuzzledTorn

DisconnectedApatheticBoredColdDetachedDistractedNumbUninterested

DisquietAgitatedAlarmedDiscombobulatedDisturbedRattledShockedSurprisedTroubledTurbulentUncomfortableUneasyUnnervedUnsettledUpset

EmbarrassedAshamedGuiltyMortifiedSelf-conscious

FatigueDepletedExhaustedLethargicSleepyweary

PainAgonyDevastatedGriefHeartbrokenHurtLonelyMiserableRemorseful

SadDepressedDespairDisappointedDiscouragedHopelessUnhappy

TenseAnxiousCrankyDistressedEdgyIrritableNervousOverwhelmed

VulnerableFragileHelplessInsecureSensitiveShaky

YearningJealousWistful

Page 12: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What is a need?AutonomyChoice of goalsChoice of planFreedomIndependenceIntegrityPresenceSpaceSpontaneity

CelebrationCreation of lifeDreams fulfilledLosses

IntegrityAuthenticityCreativityMeaningSelf-worth

InterdependenceAcceptanceAffection

InterdependenceAppreciationAwarenessBelongingClosenessCommunityCompanionshipCompassionConsiderationConnectionCooperationContributionEmotional safetyEmpathyEqualityHonestyInclusionLoveMutualityReassuranceRespectSupportTrustUnderstandingWarmth

MeaningAwarenessClarityCompetenceConsciousnessContributionCreativityEfficacyEffectivenessGrowthHopeLearningTo MatterMourningParticipationPurposeSelf ExpressionUnderstanding

Rest & PlayChallengeMasteryEaseEnjoymentFunJoyHumourLaughterLearningRelaxationSponteneityStimulation

Safety & HealthPhysical safetyEmotional safetySecurityStabilityPredictabilitySupport

SpiritualBeautyCommunionHarmonyInspirationOrderPeace

NurtureAirFoodExerciseNurturingProtectionRestSafetySexualShelterTouchWarmthWater

Page 13: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What is a request?

“Would you be willing to…”

Page 14: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What is a request?

Page 15: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

What is a request?“Our conflicts arise not because we have

different needs but because we have different strategies for how to meet them.”

Page 16: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Expressing NVC

When I see* (observation),I’m (feeling)

Because I want (need).Would you be willing to (request)?

Page 17: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Receiving NVC

When you see* (observation),do you feel (feeling)

Because you are needing (need).Would you like (action)?

Page 18: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Want more?

Shari Ellefullyalive.com.au

Creating empathetic connections, Connecting with our self,

Appreciation/praise, protective force… and more

Page 19: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Questions?

unbounddna.com

theagilerevolution.com

agileforest.com

[email protected]

@agilerenee

Renee Troughton

leanpub.com\AgileForest

Page 20: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Connecting with my

REQUEST

Page 21: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Connecting with my

NEED

Page 22: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Connecting with my

FEELING

Page 23: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Connecting with my

OBSERVATION

Page 24: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

Listening to my

JACKAL

Page 25: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

EXPRESSING

Page 26: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

SENSING

Page 27: Non violent communication and Agile: Individuals and Interactions over processes and tools

RECEIVING