Imagine Greatness By Nick Tokuhama

Imagine  Greatness  By  Nick  Tokuhama  

 Table  of  Contents  

 

About the Author #1

Destiny Cabrera- Convince Us #2

Ken Colombe- Skills #3

Nick Tokuhama- Version of Myself #4

Nick Tokuhama- Convince #5

Nick Tokuhama- New England Patriots #6

Nick Tokuhama- News #7

Adam Fromal, Bleacher Report- Stephen Curry #8

Jacob Shafer, Bleacher Report- Matt Shoemaker #9  

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1

Author Notes

My name is Nick Tokuhama. I am a 16 year old junior at Mid-Pacific Institute. Throughout this semester, I learned how to use semi colons effectively and also how to use different types of sentences correctly. Using the right combination of simple and complex sentences really enhances a piece of writing. Also, front branching and middle branching sentences allow you to explain in more detail about a topic. These types of sentences allow you to set the tone for the rest of the sentences. I used these pieces because they show peoples struggles and how they had to fight to reach a certain goal, dream. I judged these papers using six main topics, ideas, organization, voice, word choice, sentence fluency, and conventions. The presentation is also important to keep the reader engaged in the various pieces of writing. The main theme of these writings is about having dreams and persevering all adversity to reach this dream that revolves around sports. I wanted to relay the message that anything is possible, as long as you put in the work. Working hard all the time will eventually get noticed by someone and once that someone sees the hard work, the road to your dream just got a whole lot shorter.

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2

Track and Field, Convince Us

This paper has so much going on in such a small amount of time, it is incredible. It is like listening to Busta Rhymes rap in one of his songs, without the explicit lyrics of course. It has a great message and a certain type of voice that keeps me intrigued. The attitude in the writing makes the reader believe in themselves. Here is a little excerpt from her paper.

"Communication would not be an issue. I just wish my grandparents would understand." "What if a mainland school gives me a pretty decent scholarship that makes the amount I need

to pay, equal to the normal tuition of UH?", I asked. "You still need to take out a loan", said my grandma. These small parts from the paper display the determination and the struggle that goes on in her

life. It shows that she has dreams to go away for college but her family just will not budge and is trying anything possible to convince her to stay home. This determination is what makes me as a reader feel inspired to go for the impossible in everything that I do. I loved the message behind this paper and hope that everybody has the determination to be great and fight through any struggle if it means that much to you.

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3

Skills, Basketball

Everybody has dreams. When you were a kid, did you play sports? If you did, your dream at one point in your life was to play in the pros right? Do not lie to yourself now, I know for a fact that you wanted to play in the bright lights with millions of people watching you every game. But Ken is different. His dreams are different. He wants to be a coach at the division one collegiate level. But before he grows up and gets a job, he is working hard to improve his skills and hopefully get a scholarship to help pay for college. I really love the word choice and the flow throughout his whole paper.

"There is something about studying your opponent and seeing your strength or flaws that is just exhilarating."

Words like flaws and exhilarating add to this sentence. It shows a type of passion and heart that the reader can really connect with. Ken continues on to some childhood memories and it has a really nice flow to the sentences, it does not jump around to different times in his life. He went from how he fell in love with the game, to the memories, to now being a senior in high school. He has a dream and he is on his way to making it part of reality. With this much determination, knowledge, passion, I know Ken will become a great coach at any level of the game.

Photo  by  Spalding  

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4

Versions of Myself

Every part of this piece of writing is beautiful. The main parts that point out at me is not the message behind all of these words, but the organization and conventions used in the writing style.

“The different parts of me that show that I work hard are being a musician, an athlete, and a student.”

From there he goes on to write his paper in a five paragraph format with the middle three being the body paragraphs. Those three paragraphs follow the order of what was introduced to the reader first. The first one talks about being a musician. It included a variety of different sentences like simple and complex with perfect punctuation allowing the reader to get a good feel of what it is like to be Nick. The paragraph about being an athlete had a nice feel to it also. His main goal in this part was to make his baseball team. Increasing his skills to the max with great work ethic to give himself the best opportunity to do so. To Nick, being a student is about doing everything to the best of your ability to eventually make it into college. That is a great goal to set for the future. This paper was organized to perfection. The punctuation, spelling, grammar, and capitalization is perfect. Looking at this paper is like watching a movie back in the 1900’s, it is in black and white. There are no red, green, or blue squiggly lines under anything. This paper is just thoughts translated onto paper in words. Exactly how it is supposed to be.

Photo  by  Carolyn  Thomas  

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5

The Red Sox, Convince

Organization. Voice. Things all papers should have. The organization makes it easy for readers to read along and not have to go back one line and be like “What did I just read?”. The voice catches the readers attention and makes the reader trust in what the writer is saying. This paper uses great voice and is as organized as a library filled with thousands of books. The author knows what he is talking about when he is saying the Red Sox are a great team.

“There are a lot of things to look forward to next season if you are a Boston fan. But it all starts in the offseason. The front office needs to make the right moves and smart moves to have money to make a couple of big signings and still be competitive. If they make stupid moves and do not sign people that will improve the team, it will be another long season for the Red Sox.”

He obviously knows and is passionate about being a fan of the Boston Red Sox. He knows their weak points and strengths as a team. He knows that his team did not perform to their potential last season and this winter and spring they will be looking for upgrades to improve their team. From what I hear, they already did. The Boston Red Sox have been one of the busiest teams this winter. Spending lots of money to sign talent and trading to make their weaknesses their strengths. I am rooting for the Red Sox next season, what about you?

Photo  by  the  Boston  Red  Sox  

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6

New England Patriots In my opinion, the New England Patriots are already a great team. They are on their way to the playoffs and do not seem to be messing up any time soon to destroy those chances. This paper just seems to enhance that and help the reader understand the why. Why is this team so good?

“Everybody, every team, wants to lift that trophy over their head at the end of the season. It means all of their hard work paid off and they are now champions of the world. The Patriots are that sort of team. Being a fan of the Patriots is like being hustler at a pool table.”

The word choice in this paragraph show how motivated a team must be if they want to hoist that trophy up above their head. Every team is going after the same prize. The words show how hard teams work to be their best on the field. To be the best team in the world. The comparison to the hustler is great too. It relays the message that nothing will be given to you in a big red bow. You have to work for it. This is what makes the Patriots great. Now go work hard in whatever you do, sports, a job, a student, so you can be the best in the world.

Photo  by  Ospreydawn  

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7

Published, News

This paper includes two of the more controversial topics in the news lately. Adrian Peterson and Bill Cosby. The piece shows different aspects of what is happening in the situation. Bill Cosby was once known as the “Father of America”, he no longer is. Adrian Peterson was the best running back in the NFL, he does not even play anymore since he physically abused his own child.

“It takes a lot of guts to bring back those memories.” “If you think I am letting this guy off the hook, then you are wrong.” How the paper flows from sentence to sentence is flawless. It was like seeing every piece of a

puzzle coming together to create a perfect picture. The final picture tells the story of how one person should go to jail for a long time and another afforded the second chance at life. You can also hear the voice of the author coming through clearly. Due to the topic, there will be a variety of different opinions on the topic. But the author makes sure to get his point across using different facts and his opinion. Everything he had to say came across with a tone where the reader could trust his words and not get confused on what he was trying to say. If you have anything to say, a personal opinion, you should try to find a place to express this thought. In these types of cases, it is important to get a large sample of ideas so there is no bias thoughts when it comes down to the final decision.

Photo  by  Star  Advertiser  

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8

Stephen Curry

Point Guard, 6 feet 2 inches tall, 160 pounds, Senior at Charlotte Christian. Dad was a star in college and a successful player in the NBA. That sounds like a pretty decent recruit right? Wrong. Steph Curry fought and worked his way to the top. Out of high school, he got no offers from any major conference schools. He had a couple of choices including Davidson where he ended up going to college. This article explains his rough journey to becoming a superstar in the NBA. “Curry is more than a competitor now. He’s an intelligent competitor, one who both understands the tools he has at his disposal and knows how to use them. It’s a scary thought for the rest of the NBA.” The way the author uses pictures, words, and charts to show how good Steph Curry is looks really good on the page. The pictures flow into the words and the words flow nicely into the different charts and stats to show Steph Curry’s numbers compared to other top point guards in the league. The word choice allows the reader to understand what the author is trying to say and trust it. He displays knowledge on the sport of basketball using terms like assists and the 20/10 club. The 20/10 club being fairly exclusive and includes players that average twenty points a game and dishes out 10 assists in every month in season. That is how you know you reached greatness. But can he do it again? That is the real question here, is it not?

Photo  by  Warriors  World  

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9

Matt Shoemaker

Matt Shoemaker is the definition of following your dreams and not stopping until you do. Like every other kid, his dream was to grow up and play in the MLB. To complete this dream, he went to college, Eastern Michigan University to be exact. In 2008, he graduates and is looking to get drafted by any team in the upcoming MLB First Year Player Draft. His name does not get called. He then sits around a little longer to one day receive a phone call. August 2008, the Angels sign him as an amateur free agent. THE DREAM IS FINALLY COMPLETE!!! Well you thought wrong clueless reader. In fact, the journey has just begun. There are various levels in what we call the minor league that players go through to get prepped and ready to hopefully one day make it to the bright lights in the MLB. Most players do not make it. Lots of people quit. At 27 years old, Matt is considered old to be playing in the minors. “Shoemaker...pitched parts of seven years in the minor leagues, where he compiled a record of 50-40 with an ERA of 4.52. But here in 2014, he has had such a solid season he has pitched himself into the conversation for Rookie of the Year. That doesn’t mean he’ll rest on his laurels. That is not in Shoemaker’s make-up.” The author not only showed his knowledge on Matt Shoemaker, but also displayed great writing. The comma usage was used effectively and correctly. He capitalized the correct things. For example, Rookie of the Year is an award and should be capitalized. Also, ERA is an abbreviation for earned runs average and should be capitalized. The message following his life through the minor leagues to the MLB is truly inspiring. He went from being a nobody to a household name in the city of Los Angeles. It takes a lot of hope, determination, and hard work to stay in the minor leagues for seven years. They do not get paid very well in the minors. Then to finally make it to the majors and make the most out of his opportunities and succeed! That is what I call a happy ending! Or beginning? Looks like we have to wait till next season to see what kind of year he has after an excellent “rookie” campaign.  

Photo  by  Fox  Sports  

 

Expository  Writing  Period  2