my trip to alternative reality

BY KAKAJAN HAYTLYYEV

After a couple of decades of experience, I managed to polish my

analytical skills and there is still plenty of room for me to improve.

However, based on what I learnt, made me come up with few

fundamental rules that guide me through the assessment process

and enable me to formulate a conclusion which would explain

certain events as objective as humanly possible and identify few

options of potential developments that might take place in the future.

One of that rules which I must follow is to keep in mind that whatever

I would like to see has nothing to do with what happens in reality. It

took many years of practice for me finally avoid bias element in my

analysis. I assume that my legal background helped me as it allowed

me to rely on laws of logic throughout the process of assessment.

So far, the system I have developed worked without major

malfunctions. Little did I know that it would completely fail to

explain one modern phenomenon. The system which worked well

K.J. / 2

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-trip-alternative-world-kakajan-haytlyyev

within a period of so many years was absolutely redundant to provide

me with any logical explanation and understanding what exactly

makes some people admire Donald Trump? Some theories

suggested that Trump’s supporters do not want to accept facts

because they are tired of professional politicians.

Somehow such explanation does not convince me. Because I think

that when these people have problems with pipes in the house, they

call a plumber, not a gynaecologist. Although knowing what we know

about Trump and his supporters today, I should not be so sure.

I started to think that it might be one of these mysterious events that

science cannot explain. I was almost ready to accept my defeat when

help arrived from an unexpected source.

I was watching “Meet the Press” with Kellyanne Conway, Counselor

to the President Donald Trump. Suddenly she said something which

I did not understand immediately. The reason I was confused is

because I would never imagine that someone could say “alternative

facts” during a show which has nothing to do with comedy. I would

never think that an adult who consults the President of the United

State would say “alternative facts” without a slight suggestion that it

was a joke.

This interview left me with the impression that nowadays it is

acceptable to say such nonsense on TV. And although I am a quick

learner but I must admit that it took me a while to stop trying to apply

the system which is based on laws of logic to explain something

K.J. / 3


illogical. I realised that to understand the event I have to be on the

same frequency with these "nonsense-speaking people". (Perhaps it

would be appropriate to call them "alternative people".)

It was clear that the assessment is going to be challenging because I

will have to forget laws of logic and fall into “alternative reality” for

a search of the answer. So, I designed “alternative teleport” to begin

my journey and explore the "alternative world". And to my surprise,

it sort of worked.

When I was already on my way, I realised that I forgot to call my

doctor to check whether I need to be vaccinated. But I quickly

dismissed this thought because I understood that instead of

vaccination I might be admitted to a mental house.

Now, when I am back to the safety of the real world, I would love to

share with you what I have discovered in this strange and weird

world of “alternative reality”.

Apparently, "alternative world" does not have such thing as “facts”.

Therefore, the supporters or "alternative people" do not pay any

attention to any of those facts because they simply do not see it.

Perhaps, one of the reasons is that lobotomy in "alternative reality"

is just as common as circumcision on our world.

I also discovered that there is only one main factor which, has a huge

influence on the way “alternative people” see things. It is their

language. The language they speak sounds pretty much like normal

language. Real people would not be able to detect the difference

K.J. / 4


either grammatically, or phonetically. The name for this language is

Primitinglish.

There is no university in the real world that would provide with

Primitinglish classes. But in “alternative reality” all “alternative

people” converse with each other in Primitinglish fluently and

understand one another clearly even before they finish the sentence.

I also suspect that sometimes they converse in a mute mode because

somehow they see each other from the distance without saying a

word.

During my short trip, I managed to discover that “alternative

people” live in one country. Although a territory of this country is

small in comparison with the land that is outside of the borders,

“alternative people” do not consider external territory habitable. I

cannot say with hundred percent assurance, but I am under

impression that even if the outside territory is populated by the

species of their own kind, “alternative people” are convinced that

those are just half-people.

I also found out that “alternative reality” has its own set of values

which is a mirror reflection of the values we have here, in the real

world. For example, if we consider shameful to be called a liar,

“alternative people” interpret it as a compliment, because in

Primitinglish it means an honest person. What we understand by

saying that a person bankrupted four businesses, shall be translated

as successful businessmen, and so on.

K.J. / 5


Apparently, they also have a history. However, unlike history in our

world, “alternative people” have relatively short active periods

during which they manage to cause enormous destruction. These

active periods are followed by periods of hibernation which are much

longer than active periods.

It was also interesting to know that transformation of their language

is quite drastic. It changes its name from one active period to

another. I learnt that the previous active period happened about

eighty years ago. By that time, “alternative people” spoke

Primiteutsche. It sounds very different from Primitinglish. But it

seems that “alternative people” understand it perfectly. I think it

might have something to do with genetic memory.

Because of the nature of “alternative world” intellectual people are

openly shamed and good manners considered as mean attitude.

They use the word “liberals” as something negative. If you speak

well and act politely, you might be in danger.

Unfortunately, I had to leave “alternative world” quickly because

“alternative people” started to recover from lengthy hibernation to

enter into the active period. Therefore, for me to avoid deportation or

imprisonment, I had to get back to my “alternative teleport” and

come back to our wonderful and beautiful reality.

I must say that although what I witnessed is nothing short of

shocking, I have learnt one important lesson. I should not have

wasted my valuable time by trying to understand “alternative

K.J. / 6


people's” motivation by using our logic. It is not possible because

they see everything as a mirror reflection. Every time we try to teach

them something they attack us because they consider intellect as

evil.

We also need to think how to wall up that hole in time which is used

by “alternative people” as a gateway to our world. We shall find a

solution how to fix it and fast because it appears that they have the

ability to multiply quickly. They have already managed to penetrate

the top echelon of our political world.

It is vital for us to urgently find a solution to close this cross-over

because “alternative people” started to enter their active period. And

because they begin to feel comfortable in our world, they are capable

of destroying our planet, just as they time to time destroy their own

world.

my trip to alternative reality

News & Politics