Download - MY TRIP TO ALTERNATIVE REALITY
BY KAKAJAN HAYTLYYEV
After a couple of decades of experience, I managed to polish my
analytical skills and there is still plenty of room for me to improve.
However, based on what I learnt, made me come up with few
fundamental rules that guide me through the assessment process
and enable me to formulate a conclusion which would explain
certain events as objective as humanly possible and identify few
options of potential developments that might take place in the future.
One of that rules which I must follow is to keep in mind that whatever
I would like to see has nothing to do with what happens in reality. It
took many years of practice for me finally avoid bias element in my
analysis. I assume that my legal background helped me as it allowed
me to rely on laws of logic throughout the process of assessment.
So far, the system I have developed worked without major
malfunctions. Little did I know that it would completely fail to
explain one modern phenomenon. The system which worked well
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within a period of so many years was absolutely redundant to provide
me with any logical explanation and understanding what exactly
makes some people admire Donald Trump? Some theories
suggested that Trump’s supporters do not want to accept facts
because they are tired of professional politicians.
Somehow such explanation does not convince me. Because I think
that when these people have problems with pipes in the house, they
call a plumber, not a gynaecologist. Although knowing what we know
about Trump and his supporters today, I should not be so sure.
I started to think that it might be one of these mysterious events that
science cannot explain. I was almost ready to accept my defeat when
help arrived from an unexpected source.
I was watching “Meet the Press” with Kellyanne Conway, Counselor
to the President Donald Trump. Suddenly she said something which
I did not understand immediately. The reason I was confused is
because I would never imagine that someone could say “alternative
facts” during a show which has nothing to do with comedy. I would
never think that an adult who consults the President of the United
State would say “alternative facts” without a slight suggestion that it
was a joke.
This interview left me with the impression that nowadays it is
acceptable to say such nonsense on TV. And although I am a quick
learner but I must admit that it took me a while to stop trying to apply
the system which is based on laws of logic to explain something
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illogical. I realised that to understand the event I have to be on the
same frequency with these "nonsense-speaking people". (Perhaps it
would be appropriate to call them "alternative people".)
It was clear that the assessment is going to be challenging because I
will have to forget laws of logic and fall into “alternative reality” for
a search of the answer. So, I designed “alternative teleport” to begin
my journey and explore the "alternative world". And to my surprise,
it sort of worked.
When I was already on my way, I realised that I forgot to call my
doctor to check whether I need to be vaccinated. But I quickly
dismissed this thought because I understood that instead of
vaccination I might be admitted to a mental house.
Now, when I am back to the safety of the real world, I would love to
share with you what I have discovered in this strange and weird
world of “alternative reality”.
Apparently, "alternative world" does not have such thing as “facts”.
Therefore, the supporters or "alternative people" do not pay any
attention to any of those facts because they simply do not see it.
Perhaps, one of the reasons is that lobotomy in "alternative reality"
is just as common as circumcision on our world.
I also discovered that there is only one main factor which, has a huge
influence on the way “alternative people” see things. It is their
language. The language they speak sounds pretty much like normal
language. Real people would not be able to detect the difference
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either grammatically, or phonetically. The name for this language is
Primitinglish.
There is no university in the real world that would provide with
Primitinglish classes. But in “alternative reality” all “alternative
people” converse with each other in Primitinglish fluently and
understand one another clearly even before they finish the sentence.
I also suspect that sometimes they converse in a mute mode because
somehow they see each other from the distance without saying a
word.
During my short trip, I managed to discover that “alternative
people” live in one country. Although a territory of this country is
small in comparison with the land that is outside of the borders,
“alternative people” do not consider external territory habitable. I
cannot say with hundred percent assurance, but I am under
impression that even if the outside territory is populated by the
species of their own kind, “alternative people” are convinced that
those are just half-people.
I also found out that “alternative reality” has its own set of values
which is a mirror reflection of the values we have here, in the real
world. For example, if we consider shameful to be called a liar,
“alternative people” interpret it as a compliment, because in
Primitinglish it means an honest person. What we understand by
saying that a person bankrupted four businesses, shall be translated
as successful businessmen, and so on.
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Apparently, they also have a history. However, unlike history in our
world, “alternative people” have relatively short active periods
during which they manage to cause enormous destruction. These
active periods are followed by periods of hibernation which are much
longer than active periods.
It was also interesting to know that transformation of their language
is quite drastic. It changes its name from one active period to
another. I learnt that the previous active period happened about
eighty years ago. By that time, “alternative people” spoke
Primiteutsche. It sounds very different from Primitinglish. But it
seems that “alternative people” understand it perfectly. I think it
might have something to do with genetic memory.
Because of the nature of “alternative world” intellectual people are
openly shamed and good manners considered as mean attitude.
They use the word “liberals” as something negative. If you speak
well and act politely, you might be in danger.
Unfortunately, I had to leave “alternative world” quickly because
“alternative people” started to recover from lengthy hibernation to
enter into the active period. Therefore, for me to avoid deportation or
imprisonment, I had to get back to my “alternative teleport” and
come back to our wonderful and beautiful reality.
I must say that although what I witnessed is nothing short of
shocking, I have learnt one important lesson. I should not have
wasted my valuable time by trying to understand “alternative
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people's” motivation by using our logic. It is not possible because
they see everything as a mirror reflection. Every time we try to teach
them something they attack us because they consider intellect as
evil.
We also need to think how to wall up that hole in time which is used
by “alternative people” as a gateway to our world. We shall find a
solution how to fix it and fast because it appears that they have the
ability to multiply quickly. They have already managed to penetrate
the top echelon of our political world.
It is vital for us to urgently find a solution to close this cross-over
because “alternative people” started to enter their active period. And
because they begin to feel comfortable in our world, they are capable
of destroying our planet, just as they time to time destroy their own
world.