mother to mother · to psalm 113:9. “he maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful...

Mother

to

Mother

Give Me a Grateful Heart, Lord

Give me a grateful heart, Lord, for each small favor granted.

As years unfold, may I behold life, still, through eyes enchanted.

Let me find beauty in all things, not be too blind to see

The goodness in my fellowman, that he would find in me.

Grant that my ears remain attuned to hear the smallest sigh,

And may I lend a gentle touch to those less sure than I.

Let me remember lessons learned, to profit from the past,

And may I build a bridge of dreams that shall forever last.

Let me rejoice in simple things; I need no wealth to buy

The scent of pine upon the wind, a burnished copper sky,

Scarlet roses on the fence, sunrise through the trees –

Oh, grant that I may not outgrow affinity for these!

Give me a grateful heart, Lord; let me be satisfied

When days are less than sunny and plans lie at low tide.

Life is a sweet adventure that will lead to who-knows-where,

So, give me a grateful heart, Lord, that I may always care.

- Grace Easley

November 2009, #38

Hello… Apples mellow, pumpkins yellow

Tell the time of year.

Nuts are falling, nature’s calling,

“Autumn time is here!”

Colors gaily, changing daily

Brighten field and wood.

Autumn’s glory tells the story –

God is great and good!

The beauty of this time of year often reminds me of this little song we

used to sing when I was a first grader in school. Here in Massachusetts, our

colorful leaves are past their peak now, but we surely enjoyed them while they

lasted. The gorgeous riot of colors is such a stunning example of God‟s beautiful

handiwork!

I also wanted to share this little story with you that I came across

recently. It‟s a good reminder and is so true.

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning

while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the

wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean,” she said. "She doesn't know how to

wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman

would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean

wash on the line and said to her husband, "Look, she has learned how to wash

correctly. I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our

windows."

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the

purity of the window through which we look.

Again, a note to our new subscribers: Anyone is welcome to send in

questions, answers, recipes or poems. Or suggestions for something you‟d like

to see included in this paper. I look forward to hearing from all of you! Perhaps

not all in one month, but so far that hasn‟t been a problem.

Glenn & Mary Beth Martin

7 County Road Huntington, MA 01050-9612 Phone & Fax: (413) 667-5227 Email: [email protected]

Mother to Mother is intended to be a forum of Christian mothers to address various issues they face in everyday life. It is not intended to dictate the policy in individual homes, but rather to generate a discussion that can encourage and bless those involved.

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You Ask, You Answer…

Here are some excerpts from the book The Duties of Parents, printed in 1888,

that I think apply to this question:

“I have heard it said by some, that you should require nothing of

children which they cannot understand: that you should explain and give a

reason for everything… No doubt it is absurd to make a mystery of

everything you do… But to bring them up with the idea that they must take

nothing on trust, that they, with their weak and imperfect understandings,

must have the “why” and the “wherefore” made clear at every step they take,

- this is indeed a fearful mistake, and likely to have the worst effect on their

minds…

“Tell your children, too, that we must all be learners in our

beginnings… But in the meantime if you say a thing is right, it must be

enough for them…

“Parents,… use every means to train them up to a habit of faith.” -Texas

This seems to be a problem at our house, too, and I certainly don‟t feel like I

have all the answers. While we do want our children to obey unquestioningly,

we don‟t necessarily want to squelch all their interest in knowing “why.” (If

we do, they might not ask “why” when they are teenagers.) Many times, with

our small children, I think it‟s mostly a habit and maybe, unconsciously, an

effort to delay doing the job. Sometimes when they ask “why,” I will say,

“Obey first, and then you may ask questions.” At least this way they do have

a chance to find out the why‟s. Other times I might sing a line of song that

says, “…never asking „why,‟ never with a sigh. I will obey right away.” And

that often brings a smile and willing obedience. - Georgia

Good communication with our children is never out of order. We may need to

say, “You don‟t need to understand that now to obey. Sometime you will

understand.” Our children do need answers or they will turn to others for

them. - New York

Question : Quite frequently when we tell our children to do

something, they ask, “Why?” It doesn’t seem like a rebellious question,

but is this something we should be allowing? We don’t want to demand

mindless subservience, either. What are your thoughts?

Asking “why” just for the sake of asking “why” was something I did not like

and did not allow. It can become a habit.

An answer to “why” can be as simple as, “Because Mom said so.”

You may need to explain to your child that when they are told to do

something, they must do it without asking questions. - Kentucky

Sometimes there are situations where there is a right or wrong way for

something to be done. At such times, isn‟t it fair for the child to know the

reason behind our request? Perhaps a simple explanation will prevent a future

“why?” At other times, the child needs to understand that the answer to

“why” is simply because that‟s what Mother decided for this time. I suppose

it‟s up to the parent to differentiate between when an explanation is in order

and when the child just needs to accept orders without questioning! - Texas

Children need to obey without asking "Why?" When they do that, they

are questioning your judgment or saying their way is better than yours, and

that is rebellion. This is especially true for younger children. There may be

times for us to explain to them why we want them to do some-thing, but they

should not usually challenge us that way. We do need to explain to older

children why we want them to do things because we want to help them to

gain their own convictions for things. But if we can sense they are

challenging us instead of trying to understand our position, we need to work

on that attitude. Sometimes they need to do things without always knowing

why because God asks us to do things without showing us why all the time,

too. - Colorado

“Why?” We found this question interesting because our two-year-old just

started asking the same thing within the last few months. Everything we tell

him to do – “why?” Sometimes it is just fine to say, “Because I said so,”

especially when you have told a child to do something. They don‟t always

need to know why you have told them to come. I have to think that teaching

them “because I said so, that‟s why” will help to prepare them for years down

the road when they question God “why” something has happened. Do we

always know why everything happens? Of course not, and neither do we need

to know!

Sometimes this is a wonderful avenue to teach them something new.

“Why does a camel have humps?” “Why are we eating breakfast?” “Why do

we need to stop at the end of the lane?” For some “whys”, it may be okay to

tell them why this time and then expect them to remember the next time (why

we must do a certain job, for example). We need God‟s wisdom to help us

know when a child really does deserve an explanation or a “because I said

so.” - Texas

I am a mother and grandmother of almost 60. I would like to share some

observations.

I am convinced that home is a haven of rest for everyone when rules or

standards are set, children know what they are, and this is what is lived by.

One needs to be thoroughly convinced themselves of what they believe

and completely support the applications the church has made to the principles

of God‟s Word, in order to pass it on to the next generation. Sometimes

parents are willing to support the church themselves but are weak in

enforcing church standards for their children. The child eventually sees

church life as burdensome and thinks each should be able to do that which is

right in their own eyes.

Some families keep good order with their children when they are little,

but as they reach the mid to upper teens, they are pretty much left on their

own. Children at that age need and often look for direction. To tell your child,

“I would prefer if you would or wouldn‟t do a certain thing,” but then actually

leave it to the discretion of the youth as to the final decision, only brings

turmoil and unrest. Youth desire the blessing of their parents.

May we provide stable, committed homes for our families – homes that

are conducive to Christian growth. - Pennsylvania

A thought from a recent sermon: “If those we are teaching turn out right, it‟s

because we followed God’s principles.” -Ohio

One very important part is to be obedient and submissive ourselves – wives to

husbands, parents to church authority and to the laws of our country. In doing

so we are obeying God and teaching our children to do the same. “More is

caught than is taught.”

We must remember that every individual has the power of choice. But

we want to make it as easy as we can for them to choose right and as hard as

we can for them to choose wrong. - Utah

Question : What are some things we as young parents can do to help

ensure our children will “turn out” right? I’m burdened when I see older

godly parents who appear to be doing everything right, yet some of their

children are throwing away what they’ve been taught and living in sin. I

shudder to think that this could someday be us. What can we do while our

children are young to avoid this tragedy?

When our children were younger, I went through this valley. The dread grew

in my heart, taking away my peace and joy. I just didn‟t feel I could bear to

have a child who went astray spiritually, even though they were all around a

“good” person. Pain drove me awhile. Then my parents came to visit, so I

found a quiet moment to pour out my frustrations to them. My father took me

to Psalm 113:9. “He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a

joyful mother of children.” God wants us to be joyful mothers. If our religion

is truly in our heart and not just a profession, God will honor our faith. So I

got on my knees and asked God to send His Spirit into my heart. I spent time

praying every morning for every child and tried to keep good communication

and openness with each one. There are times when Mother can do no more

than cry and pray. But we need to believe God hears every prayer and in His

greatness controls each moment of our lives and our children‟s. Pray with

your children; pray with each one personally. Take time to listen to them. Let

them know you have time for them. Live open lives and teach them to live

open lives. Try to understand their struggles. Joyful mothers, singing mothers,

making our loving God so real our children will love to know Him, too –

that‟s what God wants us to be. “By the grace of God I am what I am” (1 Cor.

15:10). - New York

One thing that I think is important while our children are young is that we

take time for them. Be interested in their stories and their little problems as

we go through the day. As a family, spend lots of time at home doing things

together. It doesn‟t have to be “fun” things or “special” things; working and

singing together is equally important. When children can see that their parents

are interested enough in their lives to lay aside some of their own work and

interests in favor of spending time with the family, they will feel loved and

secure. Church work is important, and visiting the sick and reaching out to

our unsaved neighbors is good. But somehow in all this our families must

come first! If a man gains the whole world and “loses his own children” what

does it profit?

An elderly church leader and his wife, who did a lot of good and had a

far-reaching influence in the church, yet had several wayward children, were

once asked, “What went wrong? Why did your children turn out as they did?”

The wife sadly replied, “We were too busy doing church work. We were

always going away and were too busy doing good things. We thought they

would catch the vision…but they didn‟t.” How sad!

Another point to consider is that we cannot ensure that our children

will “turn out right.” We all have a choice to make, for right or wrong, for or

against God and truth. But we can make it easier for our children to choose

right if we provide them with right influences in their formative years. - Massachusetts

I recently asked this question to one of the grandmothers at our church after

hearing a message on child training. She has her family raised and all her

children have “turned out right,” some of them filling important places on the

mission field. Her answer was very simple: “Do what you know you can do,

and do it well.” She also reminded me that there is only so much a parent can

do for a child. There comes a point where the parent can‟t make decisions any

longer for the child and the child will have to make their own choices.

Certainly a foundation well laid will aid the child in making right choices.

She also said, “Don‟t spend time fretting that your child might not turn out

right. Use that time instead to pray for the child.” - Texas

Here are a few situations I have observed over the years:

In one home, the father supported the church in many ways, yet was

openly critical of the church leaders before his family. Today these children,

with the exception of one, are not in conservative churches. Parents need to

have a high regard for the ordained in their church.

In another home, the oldest child “turned out right.” Several others in

the family went through many struggles, and eventually joined other churches

against their parents‟ wishes. One is not a Christian. Someone asked the

oldest child, “Why?” The response was, “In our home it was always work,

work, work.” The work of the farm seemed to take top priority. The parents

were away from home a lot, going together to farm-related meetings (many of

which included meals), running for parts, etc…. This took up a lot of time and

the children were left at home alone. Work is good, but we must also know

when to stop. Keep close to the needs of your children.

Pray much for wisdom in guiding your little ones, for so soon they are

grown and no longer with you! - Pennsylvania

Father needs to be submissive to Christ and to the church. Mother needs to be

submissive to her husband and to the Lord (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:22, 24). If this

is followed, she will be subject to the church as well.

Speaking in a supportive way about rules is up-building in the home.

Do not downplay Father‟s guidance. Does someone else‟s husband allow

some thing(s) yours doesn‟t? Do submit to your own husband in all things

(Eph. 5:24; Col. 3:18).

If we can‟t “see through” things he or the church are asking of us,

discuss it with him alone, not in front of the family. Be truly supportive. Ask

God and your husband to help you (Col. 3:23). To do otherwise is like the

foolish woman of Proverbs 14:1.

I believe that the wife‟s submission (or lack of it) to her husband

unconsciously guides her children‟s submission (or lack of it) to the parents,

and in time, to the church (Titus 2:5; Eph. 5:32). God bless you.

From a grandmother still growing in submission… - Pennsylvania

There is not one certain thing we can do to be sure our children will turn out

right. Praying a lot and being humble ourselves is a big help. We need to

remind ourselves that we don't have all the answers and need to ask advice of

others. We need to be humble enough to accept advice when we didn't ask for

it, too! It is very important to ask for prompt obedience the first time we

speak (and that is so hard to do sometimes). This starts when they are babies,

but is at times harder to enforce when they are teenagers. We also need to

teach them to obey authority when they are in school and that will help them

to obey church leaders and God's Word. If we criticize church leaders, we are

making it hard for them to respect them. - Colorado

Do we underestimate the value of praying for our children? If our children

should choose to go wrong, let it not be because we failed to pray often for

them throughout their lives. - Georgia

We‟re in the “young parents” category ourselves, so we don‟t have the

answers, but here are some thoughts for whatever they‟re worth.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and

when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I heard a minister say in a sermon

that it could also be said: “It will not depart from him.” So even though a

person can turn away from his godly upbringing, he cannot shake what he

was taught.

Secret sin (unknown outside the family, but known to the children) in

the life of a parent, such as an anger problem, being two-faced, or critical of

the church, can provoke children to wrath. It can cause them to become

discouraged or to turn away in distaste and rebellion.

Are we breaking the wills of our children? One godly mother whose

son didn‟t throw away all he was taught, but nevertheless brought

disappointment to his parents, commented that she feels his will was never

broken. - Ontario

I have the same question at times. We don‟t want to dissect homes and

situations that we know. They need our support more than our scrutiny. Still

we wonder and want to learn.

A comment we have heard from grieving parents is that “He/she was so

independent.” Some children are a greater challenge than others. But with

each one, we need God‟s wisdom to win them with a good balance of

discipline and relationship. I think of how a bishop brother described

effective child training:

1. Live the life.

2. Teach.

3. Cause to obey. - Georgia

Your question makes me think of 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter. The last

verse says, “…the greatest of these is love.” As parents we all know we love

our children, but are we expressing it in ways that our children feel loved?

This may be easy when our children are good, but what about the times they

don‟t quite meet our expectations or when they need correction? Do they

sense we are irritated or frustrated with them? When we need to give

guidance or discipline, do we show them that we care and have compassion

for the good of their souls? Our children can feel this. Being loved is very

important to a child. It is thus he learns to understand and accept the love of

God, and learns to return love. The greatest beauty of being loved is not so

much in the receiving, as it is in learning to give of that love to others. - Ohio

I‟d encourage you with the Bible way, “Line upon line, precept upon

precept…” and be consistent! - Texas

Are you consistent the whole way around? Does your “yes” always mean

“yes” and your “no” always mean “no?” You may need to spend some time

devoted to teaching her to obey your commands. Tell her to pick something

up and bring it to you. “Take this to the toy box.” “Close the door.” “Come.”

And stay with it till she obeys. - Kentucky

Do you grin or secretly think it's cute when she runs away from you? She

will catch that and will think she's doing something smart even if you spank

her later. I don't think it's a good idea to chase after her because she needs to

learn to come to you without your chasing her; this is not a game, its

obedience. I rarely chase my 18-month-old even in fun because it's so hard

for them to discern between play and obedience at this age. If he doesn't come

when I tell him to, I spank him and then walk away from him and ask him to

come and he usually does the next time. After that I cuddle him and tell him

again that he needs to come when I tell him to. (Last night I caught him

spanking his doll and then walking away and telling it to come to him! At

least something must be sinking in!) - Colorado

Question : How do you teach young children to obey, anyway? I know

this sounds so simple and basic. But our 1½ year old daughter is a hard one

to train, or else we’re missing it somewhere. If we say, “Come” and she

doesn’t come, and we chase after her, she takes it as a game and runs all

the faster. A spanking or scolding afterward hasn’t seemed to convince her

yet that it’s not a game. Do we just need to give it more time and

persistence, or are there some better ways of getting the point across?

I‟ve been reminiscing, and while I‟m still in the busy season of life, things

have leveled off. Take courage, they will for you, too. In thinking back, it will

seem such a short stretch in the journey! Enjoy these days, for with them goes

the music of baby‟s prattle and the sweet childish ways! Here are some things

that worked well for me, but may not for everyone. You may need to adapt

some ideas.

1. Stick to a schedule. Don‟t sleep in unnecessarily, for it starts the day

out on the wrong foot. Plan your week, such as certain days to do laundry,

and very rarely alter it. Fit other things around the daily schedule.

2. Plan ahead; think ahead. If company is coming Sunday, and you

bake bread Wednesday, make the buns for Sunday then. You can freeze them

unbaked, then thaw and bake on Sunday. Make two dishes when making food

for someone else or a carry-in meal, and reserve one for your own family.

Sew for summer and school needs as you have pockets of time in the winter

and spring. It is a relief to the mind during busy summer days.

3. Simplify. Simple meals are a must at certain times. A delicious

company meal that was simple and served to our family stands out in my

memory. Dark school and play clothes help cut out some of the spraying and

scrubbing on wash days.

4. Let the children help. Sometimes it‟s more bother than it‟s worth, but

then in a year or so, those little ones that learned a skill young can be a

blessing. Also teach them early to keep their rooms tidy, books picked up,

etc…

5. Stay at home as much as you can. Make trips to town count and save

time and money. It helps to write on your shopping list the item that you just

started using, such as dish soap, baking powder or toilet paper. Then buy that

item when you next go to town, so you won‟t have that let-down feeling when

you go to bake thinking, “Oops, I forgot to get the ___________ and now I‟m

out!” Some items it may be good to keep two on hand at a time if you go

through it fast.

6. Cut out most extra projects; you‟ll probably have time for them when

you‟re a grandma, and believe it or not, that time‟s coming! I feel like I could

have done better in this area, but I do think some minor project on the go is

good for our mental well-being. - Texas

Question : What are some “household management” tips that the

seasoned mothers can share with us younger beginners? Sometimes it’s

hard to reach around to all that should be done in a day. How did you do

it?

These are some “seasoned answers” I received to the same type of question in

past years.

“It’s not learning how to do MORE in a day’s time, as much as it is

learning how to cut out things that really don’t need to be done.”

“Rotate your neglects.” So the dusting didn‟t get done for the past 2

weeks (or more!)? Start with that this week and skip a different corner

instead.

“Pick out (one of) the most important things to do and try to finish it

before you begin another project.”

“Plan to have a quiet time – it’s not wasted time.” A mother gives and

gives and needs to refuel sometime. Of course, flexibility is essential; we may

not always get the amount of sleep we need, but the important thing is to plan

to do little or nothing for a time each day. Who or what is profited if we are

driven all the time? We need to choose a calmer pace and then it takes God‟s

help to live that choice. Take note of how much obligation we allow from

peer pressure, especially in insignificant details.

“Clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy!”

“Time spent teaching children to work will be repaid many times

over.”

Soon enough we‟ll be looking back on the challenges we face today.

What will we remember?

Still learning! - Texas

We won‟t regularly reach around to all we would like to, considering the

inevitable interruptions in a mother‟s path. Maybe our need more often is to

be at rest with the undone than it is the capacity to do it all – and wisdom to

know what to do and what to leave undone. Some practical ideas:

1. A reasonable list of jobs often helps subdue my panic when I am eye

to eye with a huge day.

2. Keep your children busy. It is all right if they have much less play

time than work time.

3. A freezer is one of a mother‟s best helpers. Make large recipes. Eat

one third and freeze the other two thirds. - Georgia

I have found helpful advice in the book The Treasure of Careful Planning by

Donna Kauffman, and would recommend it to anyone! It can be ordered from

Donna Kauffman at 4123 Kinsman Road, North Bloomfield, OH

44450. Email: [email protected] Phone: 440-693-4070. - Texas

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Looking back, I‟m not sure how I got through those years! But God‟s grace is

still sufficient. Here‟s an incident which comes to my mind when I look back.

One Sunday evening my husband and I were standing at the edge of the

garden enjoying the sunset moments. My husband inquired, “Dear, do you

see that dishpan in the garden?”

Someone left a dishpan in the garden? My answer, without shifting my

upward gaze: “Yes.”

Pause. My husband repeated the question.

My answer again, without shifting my gaze: “Dear, I choose not to see

that dishpan. There are so many little things to keep after that I could be a

frustrated, yelling mother. I choose to enjoy the sunset and stay a calm

mother…but yes, I‟ll get the dishpan.”

My husband: “I‟m glad you have chosen that.”

Truly there was so much to look after with many little ones, but I can

truly say I enjoyed those years unfolding - taking time to have personal chats

with the children, praying with them and for them, walking with God and

guiding the children. No, my house didn‟t always stay in order, but my goal

was to get it clean once a day, usually when the school children came home.

We would clean up and do all the dishes. Then it was nice for supper. Just

remember, the more things you have, the more there is to keep after. Live

simply. - New York

I don't consider myself a "seasoned mother" but perhaps a mother-in-

progress. Here are a few things I find helpful: 1. Prioritize. If children are at the top of the daily list, keep them there. 2. Cook simply. My husband thinks that potatoes, carrots, and green

beans baked in a roaster with chicken pieces and a little seasoning, is his

favorite meal. It works for about any kind of meat and lots of vegetables -

cabbage, squash, peppers, onions, etc. Get creative. Canned fruit often

works for dessert. Or mix the fruit into a little jello. It is great to find easy

dishes that also make your husband smile when he walks in the door. 3. Feel free to cut corners if your budget allows. My husband preferred

buying Pampers and using the dryer, to a sagging wife who never had time to

be with him and who was always burdened with stacks of laundry. 4. Regular after-school and evening clean-up is a big help. When the

children are old enough to do so, consider “4:00 Jobs” with a list for each

child. Then at bedtime you may want “8:00 Jobs” to get the house all in order

for the night. Just simple things like putting the shoes and boots in order in

the mud room and putting away toys and sweeping the kitchen make you feel

so much fresher the next morning. 5. Last but not least, take your burden to the Lord and find His wisdom

daily. Meet your tasks with a song and a prayer... it helps to lighten the load.

And rest easy; I'm still trying my own medicine! - Maine

I get a daily planner at Wal-Mart for each year so I can write down the things

I want to do each day. I even write the usual things like "Wash, Fold, Iron,"

and then I can mark it off when it's done. I also write down things I want to

get done that week. On one of the back pages I make a list of the sewing I

want to get done. On 3 x 5 cards I have certain things to do each month and I

add to that list as I think of things I want to get done. I paper clip those cards

inside the back cover of my plan book. If I have lists, I can keep my head

about me better and don't waste so much time trying to remember

everything. If I happen to have a little time, I can quickly decide what is the

most important thing to do and do it. I liked the book More Hours in My Day

by Emilie Barnes, and got some of my ideas from that. Some days if my

baby's fussy I write "Hold baby" and of course I can mark that off at the end

of the day! - Colorado

I‟ll share what I found helpful:

1. Have only a few house plants to care for (and keep little fingers out

of).

2. Have very few “pretties” sitting around to collect dust.

3. Wear dresses or aprons with pockets, and grab up any small stray

items. Put them away as you pass the right spot.

4. Give one room or area a week a more thorough cleaning. Clean the

dirt you can see in the rest.

5. Keep meals simple – soups, sandwiches, casseroles (if your husband

doesn‟t mind). Make large amounts and have another meal – or two – later.

Eat more fruits and make bars rather than more labor-intensive desserts. We

don‟t eat dessert at all when we have a full meal (again, this needs to be in

accordance with your husband‟s wishes).

6. Taking time to read to or play with the little ones helps to keep them

content. Then our work goes faster. Involve the children in your work as

much as you can.

7. Decide what is really most important for today, and be willing to

drop anything extra. Remember that God controls your day, and if He plans it

differently than you expect – or prefer – accept it!

8. Stay close to God. Be aware of His presence, even during those

hectic times when it seems you can‟t keep a proper personal devotional

schedule. - Utah

I‟m not a “seasoned mother”, and I know I have lots to learn. But may I share

a few things I‟ve observed, some advice I‟ve received, and some tips that help

me stay ahead? I have two busy little boys that keep me stepping, too.

1. Have a schedule. Have breakfast together and at a reasonable time.

Don‟t be serving breakfast three or four times throughout the morning,

whenever your children decide to get up. Have the children

dressed before they come to the table. Perhaps Sunday morning could be an

exception. Children will need to go to bed earlier than the adults in order to

be ready to get up for a family breakfast (and this will take firm discipline

early on).

2. Do laundry two or three times a week. Then on wash day, focus on

getting that done. You could even have a load in the washer the night before,

ready to start early the next morning (maybe your husband will kindly turn it

on before he goes out the door to work). Save yourself some wash by hanging

up the nighties to wear more than one night. If your child is clean before he

goes to bed – and he should be – then there normally is no reason for clean

pajamas every night.

3. Make enough food at a time to have leftovers for at least one more

meal. Make enough Friday evening that there‟s enough left to warm in the

microwave for Sunday lunch. Or use your Crock-pot, especially in the

summer. Don‟t waste precious time making fancy, rich foods. Cook simple,

wholesome foods. We don‟t need dessert at every meal. It‟s easier on your

pocketbook and your waist. Lunches to pack? Do most of it the evening

before, all ready to put in the lunches in the morning. When children come

home from school, change clothes, have a snack, and clean out the lunch

boxes and put them away.

4. Do your cleaning on Friday and save Saturday for other things.

Usually there are plenty of “other things.” Save yourself a lot of work by

letting boots and shoes at the back door. You‟ll be amazed how much less dirt

gets tracked through the house. Teach your children to eat neatly. They

should eat at the table or in the kitchen only, not all over the house. It‟s

enjoyable to sit in the living room and eat apples and popcorn, but you

probably shouldn‟t. At least not before they understand they must not wipe

their oily/sticky fingers on the furniture.

5. Do not think you are doing your children a favor by not giving them

jobs. They are much happier if they are busy. Did children disrupt the peace

in your home? They weren‟t meant to. They can be taught to help and you

will be impressed by how much even a small child can do. - Texas

If a child gets hurt a little because of his disobedience, that can just drive the

point home all the better. But let's be very careful about things that are

downright dangerous. Think about the consequences of our child getting

badly hurt or killed because we didn't have our dangerous items out of reach.

If the law gets involved we could end up in prison or worse, our children

could be taken from us. Let's teach obedience, but not by risking our

children's safety. - Colorado

A simple rule to follow: is it dangerous? Keep it out of reach. Things like

sharp knives, matches, hot containers, and cleaning supplies that can harm the

child should be out of reach.

I had one kitchen drawer that the little ones were allowed to play in –

items that wouldn‟t suffer or hurt them. The others they had to leave alone.

There is a difference in children. Some are into everything they can

reach while others don‟t pay much attention to things like house plants and

bookshelves. It is good for little ones to learn to leave some things alone, but

too many no-no‟s can be frustrating to the little explorers and Mom. - Utah

I do not think it wise to store harmful objects where small children can reach

them. Eventually, they should be trained to let those harmful things alone, but

for teaching simple obedience lessons, why not use harmless items to practice

on?

Is it wrong to avoid conflict by putting out of reach something we

know our child would reach for? Not always. For example, our oldest was

very strong-willed as a small child. Many were the battles we waged with

him! He had an intense dislike for certain foods, and at times, we chose to

avoid those foods rather than to invite another battle when we were already

battling various issues. Children do need to learn to submit and obey, but

parents cannot work on all fronts at once! - Georgia

Question : At what point do we determine to train right behavior

versus to make disobedience impossible? For example, should I teach my

young child to stay out of the cupboard, or take a far simpler method of

locking it? If training is the way, what about safety concerns? If we just

teach them to avoid the matches, the consequences are quite high if they

disobey. Is there any guide to go by in determining things like this?

New Questions…

1. How can I help our 3rd

grade daughter who is very prone to worry? Often

if /when there is a hint of trouble, her imagination becomes three-fold.

Mention of a hurricane… “Will our house blow down?” A test in school

coming up… “How will I get to study enough? What if I get some wrong?” A

trip to a faraway state… “I don’t want to get sick away from home!” (tears

and loss of appetite on this one). You are right; she is a perfectionist. And she

tends to be emotional. But otherwise, she is a normal little girl in a normal

family setting.

2. How do mothers "grow" young men? Surely, much is dependent upon their

fathers to give them an introduction to a man's life and live a positive

example in that. But how do we mothers teach them gentleness and creativity

and appreciation for the finer things in life without causing them to be

effeminate?

3. A mother who has more boys than girls commented in my hearing that she‟d

rather have it that way. Girls are harder to understand and train, according to

her. Is there really something to this? Should we face the training of our

daughters with greater trepidation than that of our sons? Are there some

“problems” or aspects unique to training girls that we young mothers should

be aware of? I don‟t want to “mess up” with my little girls!

4. How do you deal with the poky toddler who is still plodding along with his

main course when the rest of the family is ready for dessert? The schedule is

pressing, and Toddler wants no help – but if dessert appears before he‟s

ready, he‟s suddenly done with hot food. Do you punish to make him finish,

thus getting him so upset he can‟t eat anyway? How much punishment over

“food issues” is right?

5. How can we teach our children the joy of contentment? Our one son, in

particular, has a hard time with this one. Whether it‟s wishing for chickens

like his cousins have, or calves after reading Summer of the Calves, or the

new truck (or tractor or trailer) he saw in a catalog – his oft-heard complaint

is, “I wish…..I want….When will we get ……?!”

Send your answers by December 15, 2009.

“We cannot thank Thee, God, enough

For this small plot of ground, this roof,

These lifted walls that close us in…

And hold us tenderly…this proof

Of Thy great, kind care for our need

Of shelter and of daily bread.

But oh, there are no written words,

There are no words that have been said

That could express our gratitude

For the companionship of love

That shares our simple fare – dear God,

A gift we would be worthy of!

And we would thank Thee for the tasks

A fire to tend…a loaf to bake…

A floor to sweep…a lawn to mow…

A clean, white-sheeted bed to make…

A lamp to light at evening time…

We thank thee, God, for all of these;

For home…our home…

For every home…

We thank Thee, God, upon our knees!”

Across My Kitchen

Table…

Here are a whole “pumpkin patch” of

recipes for you to try – just in time for

Thanksgiving. Enjoy! For next time: Winter

is the perfect time to curl up with a good

book and a hot drink. Send your favorite

“winter-time” drink recipes – eggnog, wassail, teas, chocolate and coffee concoctions…

or whatever! Deadline is December 15, 2009.

Pumpkin Pound Cake with Walnut Sauce 2¾ cups sugar

1½ cups butter, softened

1 tsp. vanilla

6 eggs

3 cups flour

½ tsp. baking powder

¾ tsp. cinnamon

½ tsp. ginger

¼ tsp. cloves

1 cup pumpkin

Heat oven to 350. Grease and flour Bundt pan. In large bowl, beat sugar and butter until

fluffy. Add vanilla and eggs, one at a time. Beat well. Combine dry ingredients and mix

well. Add pumpkin, and mix well. Pour into pan and bake for 60-70 minutes.

Walnut Sauce:

1 cup brown sugar

¼ cup dark corn syrup

½ cup cream

2 Tbsp. butter

Dash of salt

½ tsp. vanilla

½ cup chopped walnuts

Combine all ingredients except vanilla and nuts. Bring to a boil over medium heat,

stirring constantly. Reduce heat till thickened, about 5 minutes. Stir in nuts and vanilla.

Serve warm. (I've found the sauce is hardly enough, so I often double it.)

Nadine Amstutz, IN

Blender Pumpkin Pie 2 cups cooked pumpkin

1 can (12 oz.) evaporated milk

1 egg

1 cup brown sugar

1 Tbsp. flour

1¼ tsp. cinnamon

½ tsp. salt

¼ tsp. each nutmeg, ginger, cloves

Place all ingredients in the blender and blend until smooth. Pour into an unbaked pie

shell. Bake at 375 for 50 minutes. Yield: 1 pie.

Carolyn Hurst, PA

Pumpkin Éclair Cake 1 lb. graham crackers

2 (3¾ oz.) pkgs. instant

vanilla pudding

3½ cups milk

1½ - 2 cups pureed pumpkin

8 oz. whipped topping

Line a 9x13 pan with whole graham crackers. Mix pudding, milk and pumpkin together

for 2 minutes. Add whipped topping. Pour half of this pudding mixture over crackers.

Top with another layer of crackers, and pour remaining pudding over. Top with more

crackers and additional whipped topping.

Deborah Boll, TX

Pumpkin Bars 1 cup margarine or butter

2 cups brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp. vanilla

2 cups flour

1 tsp. baking powder

¼ tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

1 tsp. cinnamon

½ tsp. ginger

¼ tsp. allspice

1 cup pumpkin

Cream together margarine and sugar. Add eggs and vanilla, beating until fluffy. Mix dry

ingredients and add alternately with pumpkin. Spread in a greased 11x15 inch pan. Bake

at 350 for 25 minutes. Cut into bars when cool.

Rosene Eberly, OH

Pumpkin Waffle Whoopie Pies 2 cups brown sugar

1 cup oil

1½ cups pumpkin

3 cups flour

2 eggs

1 tsp. salt


1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. vanilla

1½ Tbsp. cinnamon

½ Tbsp. ginger

½ Tbsp. cloves

Cream together oil and sugar; add remaining ingredients. Preheat waffle iron and spray

with cooking spray. Place a tablespoon of batter in each section and bake approximately

1 minute. Cool and fill with your favorite frosting. These whoopie pies not only taste

delicious, but also look attractive!

Mary Beth Martin, MA

Pumpkin Butter 2 cups pureed pumpkin

½ cup white sugar

½ cup brown sugar

1 tsp. cinnamon

¼ tsp. nutmeg

½ tsp. ginger

1/8 tsp. ground cloves

Place all ingredients in a Crock-pot. Mix well and cook on high for 3 hours; stir

occasionally. Fill jars and cap, but not too tightly. While still hot, place in oven and heat

at 250 for 30 minutes. Tighten rings when jars are removed from oven.

Crystal Steiner, TX

Pumpkin Pudding 3 cups milk

3 cups canned pumpkin

½ cup white sugar

½ cup brown sugar

1½ cups milk

1½ tsp. salt

1½ tsp. cinnamon

2/3 cup cornstarch

¾ tsp. nutmeg

3 eggs

Heat milk and pumpkin in a saucepan. Meanwhile, blend remaining ingredients in the

blender. Pour into hot milk. Stir until boiling and continue boiling for 2 minutes.

Then add:

2 Tbsp. butter 1 Tbsp. vanilla

Cool. Beat in mixer until smooth. Top with whipped topping, if desired.

Deborah Boll, TX

Pumpkin Dessert 1 (15 oz.) can pumpkin

1 (12 oz.) can evaporated milk

3 eggs

1 cup sugar

4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice*

1 pkg. yellow cake mix

¾ cup butter, melted

Combine the first five ingredients. Pour into a greased 9x13 pan. Sprinkle with dry cake

mix and drizzle with melted butter. Bake at 350 for 40-45 minutes. Serve warm with ice

cream or whipped topping. *Instead of pumpkin pie spice, use 1½ tsp. cinnamon, ¾ tsp.

nutmeg, and ¾ tsp. cloves.

Delores Heatwole, TX

Virginia Zehr, NY

Pumpkin Pancakes 1 1/3 cup milk

3 eggs

1 cup pumpkin

1 tsp. vanilla

2 Tbsp. oil

1 tsp. salt

2 Tbsp. sugar

1 Tbsp. baking powder

½ tsp. baking soda

Combine in a blender and stir in 2 cups flour. Fry. Sprinkle chocolate chips on top of

each pancake before flipping.

Optional syrup:

1½ cup molasses

¼ cup apple cider or apple juice

¼ cup softened butter

½ tsp. cinnamon

Beat together and serve warm over pancakes.

Deborah Boll, TX

Buttercup Yeast Bread 3 pkg. active dry yeast

½ cup warm water

2 Tbsp. sugar

2½ cups cooked, mashed

butternut squash

2 cups milk

2/3 cup brown sugar

2/3 cup butter, softened

2 eggs, beaten

3 tsp. salt

13 cups flour

Dissolve yeast and 2 Tbsp. sugar in warm water. Add squash, milk, brown sugar, butter,

eggs and salt; mix well. Add half of flour. Beat for 3 minutes. Stir in enough remaining

flour to make a soft dough. Knead until smooth and elastic. Cover and let rise until

doubled, about 1¼ hours. Punch down and shape into 3 loaves. Place in 9-inch x 5-inch x

3-inch loaf pans and let rise again until doubled, about 45 minutes. Bake at 350 for 35-

40 minutes or until golden brown. Soft and delicious!

Mary Beth Martin, MA

Pumpkin Cake 1 box yellow cake mix, divided

3 eggs, divided

¾ cup melted butter, divided

1 (30 oz.) can pumpkin

½ cup brown sugar

2/3 cup evaporated milk

2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

½ cup white sugar

Cool Whip

Vanilla

Reserve 1 cup of cake mix. To the remaining cake mix, add 1 egg and ½ cup melted

butter. Pat into a 9x13 cake pan, patting a little up the sides. Mix together pumpkin, 2

eggs, brown sugar, evaporated milk, and pumpkin pie spice. Pour over cake mixture in

bottom of pan. Mix reserved cake mix with sugar and ¼ cup melted butter until crumbly.

Crumble over top of the cake. Bake at 350 for 1 hour. Serve with Cool Whip flavored

with vanilla.

Janelle Weaver, NJ

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Whoopie Pies 2 cups mashed pumpkin

2 cups sugar

1 cup vegetable oil

2 eggs

4 cups flour

2 tsp. cinnamon


1 tsp. salt

2 tsp. baking soda

2 tsp. milk

2 cups chocolate chips

2 tsp. vanilla

Combine first four ingredients and mix well. Dissolve baking soda in milk. Add

remaining ingredients to pumpkin mixture, with the chocolate chips last. Bake on greased

cookie sheets for 8-10 minutes at 350. Fill with your favorite frosting.

Charity Campbell, FL

Pumpkin Cheesecake Pie 1 (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

¼ cup sugar

1 egg

Mix well and pour into an unbaked 9-inch pie crust. Combine remaining ingredients:

1 cup pumpkin

1/3 cup sugar

¼ tsp. ginger

¼ tsp. nutmeg

¾ tsp. cinnamon

Dash of salt

5 oz. milk

2 eggs

Pour carefully over cream cheese layer. Bake at 350 for 50-55 minutes. Top with

whipped topping. Simply delicious!

Delores Heatwole, TX

Pumpkin Bran Muffins 4 eggs

2 cups sugar

1 1/3 cups oil

1 cup pumpkin

1 cup water (scant)

1½ cups raisins

(or chocolate chips or both)

2½ cups all-purpose flour

3 cups bran (oat or wheat is fine)

1 Tbsp. cinnamon

2 tsp. baking soda


1 tsp. salt

Beat eggs till light and fluffy. Add remaining ingredients, with raisins or chocolate chips

last. Fill greased muffin cups ¾ full. Bake at 350 for 13 -15 minutes or till done.

Yields: 36 muffins. Variation: Applesauce works great instead of pumpkin. We like to

make a big batch of these and keep leftovers in the freezer for easy, healthy, tasty

breakfasts! Or they’re good with soup for supper on a chilly day.

Danette Siegrist, ME

Stuffed Acorn Squash 2 large acorn squash,

halved and seeded

1 cup water

¾ lb. ground beef

1 celery rib, chopped

1 small onion, chopped

1 apple, chopped

1 cup cooked rice

1 tsp. curry powder

1 egg, beaten

5 tsp. brown sugar

1½ tsp. salt

Invert squash in an ungreased cake pan. Add water and cover with foil. Bake at 375 for

50-60 minutes or until tender. Meanwhile cook beef, celery and onion until done. Drain.

Add apple, rice and curry powder. Cook and stir until apple is tender, just a few minutes.

Remove from heat and add remaining ingredients. Place squash cut side up on cake pan

and fill with meat mixture. Bake uncovered at 375 for 15-20 minutes or until heated

through.

Alverna Martin, PA

Pumpkin Dinner Rolls 1½ cups scalded milk

½ cup butter or margarine

½ cup sugar

2 tsp. salt – scant

¾ cup pumpkin

While milk is still hot, add the remaining above ingredients. Cool slightly, then add:

2 eggs, beaten

2 Tbsp. yeast

½ cup warm water

Pinch sugar

7 cups bread flour

Dissolve yeast and sugar in warm water before adding to pumpkin mixture. Then add

flour; the dough will be sticky. Let rise 1 hour. Roll out to ¼ inch thickness and cut with

a jar ring, if desired. Or drop by spoonfuls if the dough seems too sticky to shape. Place

on a greased pan and let rise again. Bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Brush tops with

butter. These rolls mold quickly, so keep them in a cool place or freeze.

Virginia Zehr, NY

Marilyn Shank, GA

Squash Casserole 4 cups cooked, blended squash

1 tsp. salt

4 Tbsp. butter, melted

½ - 1 tsp. onion powder

1 cup seasoned bread crumbs

1 cup cubed Velveeta cheese

1 egg, beaten

½ cup milk

Mix well, pour into an ungreased casserole dish, and bake for 45 minutes at 350. A

family favorite!

Miriam Weaver, NJ

Janelle Weaver, NJ

Pumpkin Roll 3 eggs

2/3 cup pumpkin

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. cinnamon

¾ cup flour

Mix ingredients well. Line a jelly roll pan with waxed paper and spray well. Pour batter

into pan and bake at 375 for 15 minutes. Sprinkle icing sugar on a tea towel and turn

baked pumpkin roll onto the tea towel. Sprinkle icing sugar on top. Roll up, starting with

a short edge, and let cool.

Filling:

¾ tsp. vanilla

2 Tbsp. butter, softened

1 cup icing sugar

8 oz. cream cheese, softened

Mix together until smooth. Carefully unroll cooled cake, peel off tea towel, and spread

filling to within one inch of the edges. Roll up again and slice. Enjoy!

Carol Steiner, OH

Blessings

I know that the floors are dirty. They need a good sweep and a scrub! The sink in the bathroom needs scouring, and so does the ring in the tub. But seeing the scum in the bathtub just brings to my mind all the joys

My little ones found in their playing and sailing a tub full of toys!

The windows are covered with smudges and finger prints cloud the view. I look through the glass, oh, so dimly! Then sigh as a mother will do.

Yet all of these smudges and handprints speak loudly of children so dear Who flattened their nose on the window while watching for Dad to appear!

The dishes piled up in the drainer, the books in a heap on the chair,

The tower of blocks in the corner, the dolls and the brown teddy bear – All signs of the children so healthy, each one full of vigor and vim;

And as I stand viewing the prospect, my heart overflows unto Him!

Of blessings so many He’s given to bear ever fresh in our mind, The joys of the children so precious, the love of the Father so kind!

We want to look past all the smudges, the dirt and the toys and the fuss, And sense all the deepness of heartache if there were no children with us!

mother to mother · to psalm 113:9. “he maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful...

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