morerevealed.com http://www.morerevealed.co m/library/horro r-stories/faye-- sponsors.html 28. Faye Sponsors 12-Step Horror Stories True Tales of Misery, Betrayal and Abuse in NA, AA and 12-Step Treatment Rebecca Fransway Compiler/EditorThis book is here courtesy of See Sharp Press and Rebecca Fransway , Ed. I spent over five years in AA, and many of my worst memories involve my formersponsors. Here are three of them: Vivian: There used to be a female AA member I'll call Vivian, who, I heard, had about 42 years sober. She was a member of one of the first fellowships I went to, and she was my first sponsor . She disturbed me deeply and seemed to want to bore through boundaries by alluding to very personal matters whenever I was stuck trying to talk with her. When I first started going to meetings, I talked with Vivian, because she seemed to always be there, ready to help newcomers. With her , however, I always had the feeling that it was not okay to say I was "fine." But I did feel fine; I usually felt good during the first few sober weeks after a bad bender. But Vivian would act like I was not being honest if I said I felt fine. She would call me, too, which perhaps I should have been grateful for since in many groups newcomers are ignored. When we talked, I always felt pressured by her to go to a meeting, or I would feel like I had to act a certain way, or that I was not asking the right questions. Vivian personified AA in that way. To her , I was not acceptable as I was. The suggestion to attend 90 meetings in 90 days bothered me. My family needed my time and attention, and I wished to make up for neglecting them during benders. And I didn't understand what they were talking about at meetings. Also, I don't like to talk in public, but felt pressured to do that at meeting s. It seemed that many i n AA, especially Vivian, did not approve of me, though others were nice. But I needed to work. I began to take in typing assignments at home. One night, I had an emergency assignment from a student who had to get his final exam in. Vivian called. Y ou're coming to the meeting, aren't you, she asked in hergravelly voice, like coals on the grate. No, I've got a typing assignment, and the man is depending on me. There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. This moment was filling rapidly with my guilt over disappointing Vivian. Well, she said, make lots of money then. Her emphasis was not entirely lost on me. I knew then that to the AA way of looking at things it was not okay to think about money , and that I should be thinking of something else; but wha that might be remained a mystery for quite some time. What I had wanted was sobriety . And I was sober , so what was the big deal? No one would ever explain that to me, especially Vivian. All I heard was 90 in 90, keep coming back, an stick with the winners. Also, it works if you work it. And read the Big Book. I'd read some of it, and I didn't like the steps. I believed in God; that wasn't the problem. But admit to someone all my wrongs in a confession? Who would listen to it? The people in AA? I didn't know them well enough. And what were you supposed to admit? Your deepest secrets? No way! I wasn't ready for that. But when I told Vivian I was going to stay sober without working the steps, she assured me that was impossible . Somewhere, somehow, someday, I would drink again.Alcoholics work the steps or die. Maybe I hadn't had enough, she said. I heard later that she had groups of newcomers over to her house for special AA me etings, where she would put them
