module 7 - negotiations & difficult conversations worksheet … · module 7: negotiations &...

P L A Y I N G B I G F A C I L I T A T O R S T R A I N I N G : N E G O T I A T I O N S & C O M M U N I C A T I N G W I T H P O W E R

W W W . T A R A M O H R . C O M | P A G E 1

Module 7: Negotiations & Difficult Conversations

Worksheet #1

For this module, we are joined by negotiation expert, Carrie Gallant, B.A. (Psych), J.D.

Carrie Gallant, B.A. (Psych), J.D. is an international executive and leadership

coach, facilitator, trainer, speaker and former practising lawyer who enjoys

helping her clients to master their personal influencing power and leadership

competencies in communication, persuasion, negotiation, and conflict

management, while developing and maintaining their integrity and

authenticity.

Carrie's understanding of the value of personal development, psychology and adult learning

models has infused her work as a facilitator, mediator and conflict resolution practitioner, and

has enriched her design and facilitation of interactive training and coaching programs on

negotiation, mediation, difficult conversations and conflict competency for leaders.

Carrie is a Business Mentor with ViRTUS Inc.; an accredited negotiation consultant and

facilitator with ENS International (Empowering Negotiation Success); and a certified Facilitator

of Authentic Leadership Conversations™ and Authentic Leadership for Teams™. She is

licensed in the Money Breakthrough Method®, and a qualified assessor of TTI EQ® and Myers

Briggs Type Indicator™ (MBTI™).

Her approachable and fun-loving style is paired with solidly-researched content and adult-

learning techniques. Carrie regularly adapts tools and techniques from improvisational theatre,

which she studied with Theatre Sports in Vancouver. She expanded her creative tools studying

further afield with Headlines Theatre, eventually joining the production team as legal

consultant for North America’s first known legislative theatre production, Practicing

Democracy.

She has worked internationally with clients from companies such as Telus Communications, Sun

MicroSystems Inc., Rio Tinto Minerals, Teck Cominco, Nexterra Systems Inc., SunLife Financial,



Bayer Pharma, Boehringer Pharmaceuticals, Fletcher Building (New Zealand), BC Hydro, City of

Toronto, Agriculture Canada, Information & Privacy Commission of Canada and the Canadian

Human Rights Commission.

Passionate about sharing knowledge and teaching others, Carrie was an adjunct professor at

the University of British Columbia Faculty of Law for nine years, where she taught Negotiation

and Mediation Advocacy, as well as mentored newly trained mediators at the CoRe Conflict

Resolution Clinic. Carrie is also a frequent speaker and facilitator at conferences throughout

North America, including an invitation by the White House to speak at the 25th Anniversary of

the Women’s Bureau of the Department of Labour. She treasures her Christmas card from the

Clintons.

Carrie received her core coach training with the Adler School of Professional Coaching in

Toronto and specialized executive career coach training with Career Coach Institute.

In her spare time, Carrie is working on her forthcoming book, E.A.R.N. Your Worth™:

Overcome the Top 7 Mistakes in Salary Negotiation to Get the Career and Life You Want.

~ Nominated for 2011 RBC Woman Entrepreneur of the Year ~

“No economic skill

has as much riding on it

as does negotiation.”

~ Leigh Thompson

Kellogg School of Management Northwestern University



Why Is It Soooo Important for Women?

Research shows that women are 4 times less likely than men to: This can result in: Reasons why women are less likely to Ask:

Gender Triggers

Researchers have found three primary “Gender Triggers” in negotiation - situational

cues that prompt male-female differences in preferences, expectations and behaviours.

Ambiguity

Competition

Agency

What Works:



Art of Negotiation Model: A.S.K.

Attitude

Your attitude comes from your _____________: your ______________ , _____________

and _____________.

Why is it important in Negotiation?

________________ ! Attitude ! _______________ ! Results

e.g. Assume “Everything is negotiable”; “You only have to ask”; “Negotiation is a daily

activity.”

Skills

3 Specific Skills: 1.

2.

3.

We’ll review these in more detail a bit later…

Knowledge

Content & Process 5 C’s of Authentic Negotiation:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.



Of course, you will be the expert in your subject matter, and have, or know how to,

access the knowledge you need; some tools we’ll get to in the Skills segment later will

support you DURING the negotiation in accessing some of that subject matter

knowledge.

3 Stages in Negotiation:

{additional space for notes on the Stages/Phases on next page}

1.

2.

3.

1. Platinum Rule: Treat them as they want to be treated.



Phase 1: Preparation

Up to ____% of what you get in Negotiation is a result of your preparation. Your first negotiation is with _________________.

Knowledge: Your “Research”

If it’s true that “Knowledge is Power,” what DO you know?

The #1 reason most people don’t get what they want is because they don’t KNOW

what they want!

What do you NEED to know?

• Know what ____________ & why _____________.

• Know what __________________ – to you, to them,

• Know what __________________.

• Know what _____________________ – what ____________________________.

• Find out what ________________________.

• The __________________: The ______________ or ______________ what are the

behavioral _____________________.

Your rehearsal

• Role-play with friend/colleague/coach

• Visualization

• Video



Clarity Exercise: What Do I Really Want?

The #1 reason most people don’t get what they want is because they don’t KNOW

what they want!

Clarifying your objectives is a critical component to effective preparation in

negotiation. The clearer you are about what is important for you to achieve, and what

you will not accept, the easier it will be to keep your focus steady, and not become

distracted from your outcome goal.

Mastering negotiation requires organizing your thoughts. Think __________ it, not just

_________ it.

Why this is so challenging for women: Not used to thinking about your own wants and

needs; conditioned to put others’ needs first; as a result, women often fail to recognize

opportunities to improve their life (job enjoyment, status) through negotiation; “Fuzzy”

wants/needs.

Negotiation Title: ______________________________________

What Outcome do I want to achieve?

Why do I want this outcome? What’s important to me about it?

What are the different ways I can achieve this outcome?



Developing Leverage

Leverage is a concept many women have difficulty with; perception that it’s

manipulative, putting something over on someone. Leverage is about moving things –

gardening analogy; apply leverage to a spade to move earth so you can plant a flower.

Consider the big picture and the end goal: beauty. More strength = greater leverage?

Applied in the right way, a little pressure can support or move a large object.

These are a few places you can develop leverage…

When you know this, you can stand firm, like willow tree.

What really matters to me in the end, on which I absolutely will not

compromise?

Could be a personal value, or a boundary. Could be a content issue.

What am I willing to be flexible about?

What are three additional ways that I can meet my needs outside of this

negotiation?

This identifies your PLAN B:

1.

2.

3.

Which of these is my BEST alternative scenario to this negotiation?



Clarity Exercise: What’s My Value?

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve,

You get even less than you settled for."

~ Maureen Dowd, Pulitzer awarded NY Times Columnist

What makes me unique, or irreplaceable?

• Value = external; situational; intrinsic/internal

• List the massive value you bring/contribute e.g.

o Trainings, education, apprenticeships – and what you invested in your learning

o Talents, skills, natural gifts

o Experiences – life/business; stories

o Successes – CAR stories

o People you’ve helped

o What others have said about you/value about you

o What you value about yourself

• Value = something you can create; How can you ADD value?

• Make your value explicit

What value do I have to offer in this negotiation?

How might I demonstrate my value? What is the relevant “social proof”?

Where do I give my value away for free?

• E.g. Over-deliver, under-charge, under-earn; over compensate for feeling of

“not-enoughness”


W W W . T A R A M O H R . C O M | P A G E 1 0

Collaboration: Exercise

Identifying the Other Party’s Objectives is equally important to identifying your own

objectives. How well you understand what they want, and why that is important to

them, can make the difference to negotiating what meets your needs. It is also a key

to getting others to work with you. Put yourself in their shoes: why is this important?

What will be non-negotiable? And so on.

Understanding what’s important to them provides you with clues about where you can

help them meet their needs (while still seeking to get your needs met too!). Of course,

you will need to make some assumptions about the other party in order to complete

this worksheet form; look for opportunities to test those assumptions both before and

during the negotiation.

Consider the Platinum Rule: Treat others as THEY want to be treated.

What Outcome do THEY want to achieve?

Why do they want this outcome? What’s important to them about it?

Who else is affected, that will matter to the other person?

What really matters to them in the end, on which they absolutely will not

compromise

What will they be looking for you to do in exchange?



3 Key SKILLS

Review in tandem with next page – Diamond Process.

These are 3 skills you will use throughout the negotiation conversation:

1. Inquiry • Discover how they see the situation / matter

• Curiosity: learn as much as you can about them and their POV

• Questions Strategy

2. Listening • Active Listening – being present with them; curiosity

• Acknowledge what they’ve said; doesn’t mean you agree – shows them

you’ve heard and understood

• Let them talk

• E.g. “this sounds really important to you”

3. Advocacy • Your turn – when sense they’ve expressed all their energy on the topic

• What can you see from your POV that they’ve missed?

• Help clarify your POV without minimizing theirs

• E.g. “from what you’ve told me, I can see how you would want what you’re

asking for. What I need is….”

Problem-Solving • Begin building solutions

• Brainstorming + continued inquiry – ask them what they think would work

• If becomes adversarial, go back to inquiry – asking their POV usually creates

safety; they’ll be more willing to engage

Skills - Your rehearsal may include: • Role-play with friend/colleague/coach

• Visualization

• Video



Phase 2: Conversation

Diamond Negotiation Structure

OPENING • “I’d like to talk about ________ with you, but first I’d like to get your point of view.”

• “I think we have different perspectives about ________. I’d like to hear your thinking

on this.”

Exercise: Write a possible opening for your negotiation/conversation.

INQUIRY LISTENING ADVOCACY Discover information about them

Ask open questions – be curious

Acknowledge and confirm understanding

Articulate what you want them to understand

Use “I”-statements

Clarify your views w/o minimizing theirs

COMMON GROUND

EXPLORE DIFFERENCES

PROBLEM SOLVING Brainstorming

Focus on building solutions

AGREEMENT & COMMITMENT Continued Inquiry-Listening-Advocacy to ensure understanding

Decide who will do what & by when



Questions Strategy

Why does a good negotiator ask a lot of questions?

7 Core Functions:

• To gather information

• To discover specific information; clarify

• To get someone’s attention; re-direct

• To show that you are listening to what they are saying

• To influence someone’s thinking

• To influence the direction of a negotiation

• To buy time or stall



Types of Questions:

1. Open-ended Questions

2. Closed Questions

3. Reflective Questions

Inquiry - Sample Questions: 1. What do you want to achieve?

2. Why do you want that? Or: What is important to you about that?

3. How would that help you?

4. If you got that, what would that mean for you?

5. What else can you tell me?

6. What part of what I am asking for works/doesn’t work for you?

7. What do you need to get so that you can leave today feeling good about the agreement?

8. It sounds as if what you are really most interested in is ___? Is that right?

9. Some people in your situation might be concerned about ___. Is that a concern for you?

10. What do you think are your underlying interests in this situation?

Problem Solving - Sample Questions: 1. What would be the ideal situation for you?

2. What would it take to make this work [close the deal and meet both our needs]?

3. Which parts of the proposal [offer] are most important for you?

4. If we could put the deal together, where would you want to start [list the desirable

answers]?

5. What would happen if we took this portion of your proposal and this portion of my

proposal and put them together like this?

6. If you were in my position, what would you suggest?

7. If I were willing/ to do ___ for you, would you be willing/able to do ___ for me?

Commitment – Sample Questions: 1. To clarify, you’re agreeing to do ___, and I’m agreeing to do ___; Have I got that right?

2. What could get in the way of following through on your commitment?



Law of Reciprocity

Ask and Offer

People generally want to give back the kind of treatment they receive, and in equal

measure.

Note this works in both positive and negative directions!

Reciprocity is expected in many negotiation contexts - “Give and Take.”

You can increase the level of what you want to receive by giving it, or modeling it first.

This works with behaviors as well as tangible items, such as information.

However, be sure that what you are _____________ is ________________ to them!

Key Phrase: If I were willing/to do _____ for you, would you be willing/able to do _____ for

me?



Anxiety Busting TIPS:

Preparation

• Research: gather information, support & resources

• Make a plan: Aim, Alternative, Boundary, Process

• Prime yourself: recall a time you were successful; power

Practice

• Rehearse

• Role-play with friend/colleague/coach

• Visualization – My example, difficult conversation with Lee

• Video

Negotiate “As If”

• On behalf of someone



Keys to Building Your Foundation

Attitude:

• Take 100% Responsibility for your outcomes: Not to be confused with “taking it

personally.”

• Collaboration Perspective: The key to getting others to help you, to work with

you, is to see the world as they see it.

• Platinum Rule: treat them as they want to be treated, NOT as you would want to

be treated.

• Be open to possibility: everything is negotiable.

Skills:

• Listening.

• Inquiry: ask more and better questions.

• Advocacy: ask for what you want.

• Build a golden bridge: Match your value to their needs/wants; Create a climate

for cooperation.

• Learn to Say No: Leverage your alternatives and keep the relationship.

Knowledge:

• What’s important to them? (to you?)

• What motivates them? (you?)

• What do they value? (What do you value?)

• What is that worth to them? (to you?)

• What is the relevant “social proof”?

Preparation:

• 80% of what you get is the result of your preparation. Do your research

(knowledge), plan and practice your approach (skills), and prepare your mental

state (attitude). Take the time; it’s worth it!



What’s Next?

Build Your Negotiation Competency

" 1% Discomfort ! 100% Improvement

" Practice

" Get support: peers, mentor, coach



Final Debrief

What information do you remember most?

What do you know you CAN DO that you didn’t know coming in?

What is your commitment to yourself regarding using this material?

3 Action Steps I Will Implement Now:

1. ________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________

By when? ______________________________________________________

Who will I ask to be my Accountability Partner?

_________________________________________________________



What Others Are Saying...

My biggest takeaway is that negotiation is a discipline. It's not a gift some people have and others

don't. It's a skill you can learn. Carrie gave a content-rich overview that I'll be unpacking for a good

while. She has inspired me to dive in to educating myself. ~ Playing Big Participant

Carrie is a brilliant model and teacher of negotiation and communication skills. I have had the privilege

of watching her present her ideas in front of a large group whom she held spellbound. Her keen

intelligence is matched with compassion and insight and this makes her an effective leader in facilitating

change within individuals, organizations and companies. I am in awe of the work she does and the

power of her message. ~ Tracy Theemes, Founder of Wealth Academy for Women, and Partner, Sophia

Financial Group

Carrie gave a fabulous presentation to an audience of about 65 members of our Professional Women's

Network on how to negotiate effectively to get what you want in business. In a humorous, anecdotal

and articulate style, Carrie offered practical, effective ideas about how to start, engage effectively in,

and successfully close negotiations, and how to negotiate difficult and important points in a way that is

authentic and comfortable for you. I would strongly recommend Carrie's advice and speaking services

on this topic. ~ Michelle Pockey, Chair, Professional Women's Network, Vancouver BC

I really enjoyed your workshop and I know I and the others all took away some useful tips from the

session! Your session used a great mix of methods (story-telling, experiential exercise, step by step

analysis of stages) to help the learners actively draw out the lessons of the session. I recommend Gallant

Solutions to anyone looking to use effective negotiation techniques to positively influence the outcome

of their negotiations. ~ Melinda Boon, Managers and Professionals in Development (MPID) Program, BC

Hydro

Carrie has a fabulous set of in-depth knowledge on negotiation dynamics as well as being able to

incorporate audience questions into her talk. She left our group with a greater understanding of the

Top 7 Mistakes in Salary Negotiation as well as how to gain confidence in tricky negotiation situations,

and above all, instilled the strong belief that we can overcome our challenges and succeed. Carrie’s

passion for teaching has truly given me and many other women a sense of empowerment. I can highly

recommend Carrie’s talk to anyone. ~ Anja Lanz, President, Women in Engineering (Vancouver Region)

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