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For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • [email protected] October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 1 FREE Serving Those Who Serve Us Volume 38 • #20 • October 15, 2014

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Military news for and information of special interest to active duty, retired, veterans and their families. Navy, Marine Corps, Army, Air Force and Coast Guard

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Page 1: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • [email protected] October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 1

FREE

Serving Those Who Serve Us Volume 38 • #20 • October 15, 2014

Page 2: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

2 October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS www.MilitaryPress.com • [email protected]

Broker Cooperation Welcome. ©2014 KB Home (KBH). Plans, pricing, financing, terms, availability and specifications subject to change/prior sale without notice and may vary by neighborhood, lot location and home series. Buyer responsible for all taxes, insurance and other fees. Sq. footage is approximate. HOA applies. Photos may depict upgraded landscaping/options and may not represent lowest-priced homes. Photo does not depict racial preference. See sales representative for details. KB Home Sales–Southern California Inc. (CA Real Estate License 00242327). SOCAL-121348

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BEOPEN

Many KB Home neighborhoods feature amazing amenities like parks, ball fields, playgrounds and more. At KB Home, we’re ready to build you a great new home AND a relaxing new lifestyle.

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Page 3: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • [email protected] October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 3

Publisher: Richard T. MatzCustomer Service Manager: Carol Williams

Advertising Manager: Valerie SwaineAccount Representative: Michelle Hull

Public Relations: Lisa MatzProduction / Web: Sandra Powers, Joe Yang

Distribution: Dennis WinkContributing Writers: Doug Aguillard, Mort Fertel,

Art Garcia, Howard Hian, Keith Angelin,Jeri Jacquin (The Movie Maven), Heather E. Siegel

Carlos Kremer

Contact Us: 430 N. Cedar, Escondido, CA 92025

Tel 858.537.2280 www.militarypress.com • [email protected]

DISTRIBUTIONDistributed on the 1st and 15th of each month. Available aboard all San Diego County military bases, onboard in-port ships, at participating Albertsons, Ralphs and CVS

Pharmacies. For more locations, visitwww.militarypress.com/distribution

The Military Press Newsmagazine is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Newspaper, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press Newspaper. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

remember when...

9501

By Carlos Kremer

When we think of a true American Hero, what comes to mind? Someone with incredible leadership qualities who inspires, motivates and comes back against all odds to accomplish the unimaginable and become a huge success… that’s what we think. Chris Melendez , Army veteran, Purple Heart recipient and TNA wrestling superstar is that and so much more. His amazing story begins as a young man who always had two goals in this life. First was to serve in our armed forces for our great nation and the other was to be a professional wrestler. Many people ac-complish the first goal and that is admirable, respected and shows the great patriotism our country loves. The second goal seems like more of a fantasy, especially when one has to overcome the extreme challenges that were given to him as a result of achieving his first dream. Melendez has achieved both and is truly a remarkable story, one of passion, deter-mination and drive with a refusal to let life limit him in any regard.

Exclusiveinterview with

TNA Impact Wrestler& amputee war veteran

CHRISMELENDEZ

PhotoscourtesyTNA ImpactWrestling

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

• Focus on Family  ......................................8• Chemical Warfare   ..................................8• Hire Military  ..............................................9• Just For Laughs  ..................................... 10• Crossword Puzzle,  ................................ 10

Page 4: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

4 October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS www.MilitaryPress.com • [email protected]

Melendez cradles his young son but uses those strong arms in a different capacity in the ring. Photo courtesy TNA Wrestling.

Chris Melendez was raised in Span-ish Harlem in New York City. He joined the Army at age 17 and was even more inspired to serve by the 9/11 tragedy that rocked the United States of Amer-ica to its very core. His father, grandfa-ther and uncle all served in our mili-tary and it was only natural for him to follow suit, stating that it was his duty and honor to do so. After training he was sent off to Baghdad, Iraq and in 2006 with only 23 days left on his tour there his life changed forever. Chris was to be off this day but instead vol-unteered to be in the lead Humvee op-erating as the gunner on a night patrol. Dangerous? Yes, but this is the type of man Chris is, one that leads by example and always up to protect our country. A few minutes after the patrol had begun Chris’ Humvee was hit by an IED. He immediately noticed a leg many feet away and thought, “Oh no, someone is in real trouble.” That’s when he looked and noticed his left leg was gone from the knee down.

He was then sent to Germany for immediate hospitalization and treat-ment and could only breathe at 8% on his own. He was in a coma and resus-citated three times from death’s door. This is when his remarkable comeback began. He had lost his leg, part of his jaw that had to be replaced by a bone graft on his hip, and almost lost his left arm. He endured horrific nightmares that he still has to this day and count-less other emotional and physical chal-

lenges to overcome. Thru it all he kept an incredible PMA, or Positive Mental Attitude, that allowed him to conquer this insurmountable new challenge. Chris stated “I was so positive and had such a great attitude in my eight months of recovery in rehab to heal and walk again that people were truly concerned about my well-being. They thought something must be wrong and couldn’t believe that someone could have that kind of mental toughness.” Well, they were wrong. It’s that kind of attitude that brought him back train-ing to fulfill his second dream, that of becoming a professional wrestler.

Fast track to year 2011 and Chris is hungry, pursuing his goals. He found a small wrestling gym in Brooklyn where he trained for months and fi-nally caught a big break. The Wounded Warrior Foundation and Ken Anderson helped Chris get in touch with the fa-mous Bully Ray and Devon Tag team wrestlers who had their own gym in Florida called Team 3D Academy of Professional Wrestling. After hear-ing his story and all that he had been through, the tag team said, “If you can get over to our Academy you can train for free.”

Another step closer to his impos-sible goal, Chris met and got his per-sonal trainer, friend and life coach Dan Carr into his corner to help him and trained harder than ever. Two years later, he was found and signed by TNA Wrestling and the rest is history. Chris

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Page 5: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • [email protected] October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 5

is now a big star and role model to so many. He can be seen on Spike TV every Wednesday night nationwide. His father and his friends have been amazed but not shocked by what Chris has done because he always has been a leader and never let life get him down. The 6’3” 232-pound warrior has made it back to the top of the mountain after a grueling eight-year comeback.

When I asked him what message he has for others facing a physical chal-lenge in life he quickly responded, “We are the only ones that set and can exceed limitations. If someone is em-barrassed by an ailment or challenge I will stand on one leg and be that inspiration. We are not handicapped, we are challenged! Every one of us is challenged either physically or men-tally and this for me is the same kind of fight, just a different battlefield.” To this day Chris still feels the phan-tom pain in his left leg and nonexistent foot. “I still feel the pain and feel my boots on that foot years later,” Chris states. This is a man who took tragedy, stared it down and destroyed it.

It’s easy to see why Chris Melendez is a true American hero. When asked what message he has for our troops, he simply stated, “I feel guilty that I’m not over there in Iraq or anywhere else with them. They are my family.” This positive approach and mindset

is the reason why he has recovered so fast and didn’t let the loss of a leg take away his dreams and goals. Asked if he was loving life after all that he’d been thru, he replied, “We as a people must adapt and overcome. I was happy, believe it or not, when I was injured because I knew that I could handle it where others may have a tougher time. We need to remember who and what we are and that we are living in the greatest country on earth. Stop whin-ing and realize what we have, then do something with your life.” I asked if his prosthetic leg limited him in the ring and he answered quickly, “You should see me move without it. I am trouble to anyone who takes me lightly.”

We won’t make that mistake Chris and anyone in the ring who does will have a big surprise coming their way, that is for certain. Chris Melendez, Warrior, Motivator, Hero, and living proof that we as Americans can achieve our dreams no matter what stands in our way.

Carlos Kremer,

Military Press Sportswriter and Captain USMC (Ret.)

Chris on duty with the Army’s 4th Infantry Division. Photo courtesy TNA Wrestling.

EDUCATION

Page 6: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

6 October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS www.MilitaryPress.com • [email protected]

Harry S. Truman33rd President of the United States

Served from April 12, 1945 to Jan. 20, 1953

World events• Communist China

provides additional mili-tary forces to Community North Korea

• North Korea invades South Korea, capturing Seoul

• U.S. leads UN in Ko-rean War

• 12 nations agree to creation of the North Atlantic Treaty Organi-zation (NATO) for the defense of the U.S. and Europe

• Chinese invade Tibet• In South Africa, the Group Areas

Act is passed formally segregating races

• Earthquake and floods in India result in 575 deaths and 5 million be-lieved homeless

• President Harry Truman sends U.S. military to Vietnam to aid French forces

Technology• First TV remote

control marketed• Diners Club credit

card intro-duced

• 8 million homes now own TVs

6 October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

Movies• Cinderella• Sunset Blvd.• All About Eve• Harvey• Cheaper by the

Dozen• The Asphalt

Jungle• Rio Grande

Alben W. Barkley35th Vice President of the U.S.Served from Jan. 20, 1959 to Jan. 20, 1953

“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and

they though it was hell.” — Harry Truman

U.S. news• Great Brinks

Robbery in Boston• Truman approves

construction of hydro-gen bomb

• U.S. Defense Produc-tion Act starts wage and price controls

• Persecution of Commu-nists is initiated by Sen. McCar-thy

• Albert Ein-stein warns that

nuclear war could lead to mutual destruction

• Truman places Amer-ica’s railroads under the control of the U.S. Army

Einstein

Page 7: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • [email protected] October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 7

Born this year• Stevie Wonder, singer• Bill Murray, actor• Jay Leno, talk show host• Tom Petty, singer• Princess Anne, royalty• Ron Perlman, actor• Ed Harris, actor• Victoria Principal,

actress• Morgan Fairchild,

actress• Peter Frampton,

guitarist

BORN THIS YEAR: Bill Murray, actor.Above left: Victoria Principal, actress;Stevie Wonder, singer; Morgan Fairchild,

actress; Jay Leno, talk show host.

Music• “Don’t Be Cruel

/ Hound Dog,” Elvis Presley

• “Rock Around The Clock,” Bill Haley and His Comets

• “Autumn Leaves,” Roger Wil-liams• “Singing the Blues,” Guy

Mitchell• “Love Letters in the Sand,”

Pat Boone• “Mack the Knife,” Bobby

Darin• “Heartbreak Hotel,” Elvis

Presley

TV shows• Texaco Star Theatre• Fireside Theatre• Philco TV Play-

house• Your Show of

Shows• The Colgate

Comedy Hour• Gillette

Cavalcade of Sports • The Lone

Ranger• Hopalong

Cassidy• Mama

• Income per year ....... $3,210• Minimum wage .............. $.75• New house ............... $8,450• Monthly rent .................... $42• New car .................... $1,510• Gallon of gas .................. 18¢• Dozen eggs .................... 65¢• Gallon of milk .................. $.82• Loaf of bread .................. 14¢• First-class stamp .............. 3¢• Movie ticket .................... 37¢

AVERAGE COSTOF LIVING   

950remember when...

1

October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 7

• Martin Short, actor

Page 8: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

8 October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS www.MilitaryPress.com • [email protected]

FOCUS ON...

Militaryfamily 

strengths

Photo courtesydod.mil

By Kim Crosby, PhD.,a FOCUS Site Director

Every family has goals. Some-times, you can reach a larger goal by setting a series of smaller, more achievable steps. This way you get the result you want without feel-ing like you’re making a huge ef-fort. After reflecting on the goals of the Military families who come to FOCUS, I’ve noticed something: These amazing military families make small changes to help manage the ongoing stresses of military life. Below are four strategies that I see military families use every day to stay resilient and strong.

Show appreciationMilitary families are really good

at showing appreciation for each other. Parents hug their children, siblings praise each other, and fami-lies remember to say thank you. Ap-preciating where you are and what you have is important given the un-certainty of military life.

Go with the flowMilitary families are incredibly

flexible. They get creative and don’t sweat the small stuff. Families get news about an unexpected PCS or deployment and the parents say “Okay, we can work around that. We can figure out a way to get through this.” This flexible attitude helps

kids to feel safe during times of tran-sition.

Value being togtherMilitary families seem to recognize

that they are stronger when they are together. Of course, this does not al-ways mean physically together. Mili-tary families are great at creating the feeling of ‘family togetherness” even when they are separated. This can be achieved through the Internet and phone calls, along with family meet-ings at home, family fun days, or stay-ing connected with other supportive adults and organizations in the com-munity.

Enhance your strengthsThere is great strength in military

families. One of the most important things military families do is to build on what they do well. They often dis-cover their strengths though challeng-ing times and build on them. They are able to see the silver lining in chal-lenging situations and learn from the experience, honing their skills for the next go round. They don’t dwell on the past, and instead enhance their strengths to prepare for the future.

I am grateful to military families for teaching me so much about resil-ience. I am proud to share what I’ve learned to help other families to bring appreciation, flexibility, togetherness, and strength into their daily lives.

Whenever you talk about guilt and shame you strike at the dark heart of substance use disorder. In a broader sense these feelings fall under the topic of morals, principles, ethics, honesty and decency. To those of us suffering from compulsive substance use, these things are as far away as the moon is from the earth. Like the moon, we can see morality very clearly because we are painfully aware of our sins. Yet we just cannot touch the honest light of truth. It is too far away.

I’m reminded of the classic Ameri-can novel The Scarlet Letter by Na-thaniel Hawthorne. The story centers on a woman convicted of adultery. The year is 1642 and she is a Puritan. Puritans were a strict religious group that considered adultery a very serious sin indeed. The woman will not name the father. As a result she is forced to wear a big, red “A” sewn on her dress. The “A” stands for adultery; an out-ward sign of her inner sin. It is a sign of shame.

The letter “A” could just as easily represent Alcoholic or Addict because too many people struggling with sub-stance abuse live as if there was a big, red “A” branded on their chest. They live in shame, allowing what they did to define who they are. This is a lie we tell ourselves to stay stuck in our dis-ease.

The woman in the story was more or less a victim of her times. Back then, committing adultery made you an adul-terer. You were your sin. Consequently she wore the “A” until she died, at which time the “A” was chiseled into her tombstone. End of story.

But what about your story? Do you have to wear your “A” until you die? There is a difference between guilt and shame, and it’s important to know what it is because it will make a dif-ference when it’s time to chisel your tombstone.

Guilt refers to feeling bad about something you did or failed to do. In contrast, shame is the belief that you are defective as a human being. Guilt is a feeling about a behavior, while

The shameful letter “A”

shame is a belief you have about yourself.

Shame sucks. Think about it. You can’t change history or undo something you’ve already done. It’s

impossible. So you may have lied but you’re not a liar, cheated but you’re not a cheater, stolen but you’re not a thief, punched someone but you’re not a bat-terer, abused drugs and alcohol but you’re not an addict or alcoholic. Not anymore. Turning shame into guilt re-moves the “A.”

Are you willing to stop punish-ing yourself for being something you are not? If so you can transform your shame into guilt, then address each guilty act in a healthy way until your conscious is clear.

As a person in recovery, it was essen-tial for me to go through the process of turning my shame into guilt, then deal-ing with the guilt. I was great at abus-ing drugs and alcohol, lying and manip-ulating. For me it was a 24-hour a day, 7-days a week job. I am not proud of the many things I did to fuel my habit. But if I thought for one minute that any of those things I did defined me, I would jump off a tall building. They were that bad. Before recovery I couldn’t breathe under the weight of my shame. Instead of jumping, I chose to act myself into thinking. I turned to AA, NA and CA. I prayed. I got honest. I changed my friends. I became responsible for my actions. I dealt with the consequences of my past. I didn’t drink or use no mat-ter what. I was forgiven by others and by myself.

I now choose to believe I am a good person, as you are. I am not the sum of my sins. Nor are you.

Keith Angelin, MBA, CADC-II, CNDAI, is a Master’s level, board-certi-fied alcohol & drug counselor, and na-tionally certified intervention special-ist. His 14-year battle with drugs and alcohol included multiple overdoses. His recovery compelled him to re-eval-uate his life and share the miracle with others. He is author of the “At Home Recovery Workbook.” Learn more at www.InterventionRx.com. Send your comments to [email protected].

ChemicalWarfare

with Keith AngelinMBA, CADC-II, CNDAI

lcoholddictbuse

Page 9: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • [email protected] October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 9

By Lida Citroën,Principal, LIDA360, LLC

With the nation in recovery, invest-ment in resources is growing. We see new commercial construction under-way, roads and highways under repair, and consumer spending on the uptick. With all this new growth, companies are starting to loosen the stronghold on hiring freezes initiated when our economy was plummeting. Yes, as hir-ing managers and recruiters across the country seek to find talent, a highly un-tapped and ready workforce awaits em-ployment. Currently there are roughly 163,000 unemployed post-9/11 veterans and more than 600,000 unemployed veterans overall. These individuals are the beneficiaries of more than $130 billion of investment in training, edu-cation, and skill building from the US government.

Hiring former military personnel could be the best business decision a company (and a hiring manager) makes.

Why aren’t hiring managers recruiting veterans?  

There is a disconnect between veter-ans and civilian hiring managers, and it goes both ways. Veterans overwhelm-ingly leave military service unprepared and unarmed with the tools to position themselves as viable candidates to ci-vilian companies, and hiring managers are unskilled and untrained in how to recruit military veterans for jobs out-side of service.

The challenges include:

Reading the resumeHiring managers often lack training

to read and understand a military re-sume. What does being an E-6 mean? Did a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force hold more management respon-sibility than a Major in the Army? What does it mean that you did Com-mand and Control Battle Management Operations in the Air Force, and how is it relevant for the position I’m recruit-ing for?

 Inability to sell themselvesIn the military culture, the focus is

on mission, unit, and the person next to you, not on you. Self-promotion and self-focus are unacceptable and dis-couraged. Therefore, when veterans leave service, they struggle when an-swering questions such as, “Tell me about a success you had that you are most proud of.” To the veteran, this would mean being disloyal. To the hir-ing manager, not getting an answer is frustrating and suspicious.

 PTSDCivilian media has not done an ad-

equate job of educating the public about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Dis-

Why hiring a military veteran could be your best business decision

order), Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), and the numerous other challenges for-mer military live with after service. We intuitively believe that someone who has “seen the unthinkable” and lived in conditions of violence, hostility, and stress for a long period of time will un-doubtedly have emotional effects long after the situations change. But what does that mean for a hiring manager looking to add a new team member to their company?

Skills not transferrableWithout a clear outline of which

military skills translate to which civil-ian job responsibilities, it may be un-reasonable to expect that hiring man-agers with no military experience can understand how someone who worked front lines in the infantry can lead their IT staff through a new project. Or, how a combat medic is qualified to hold a sales position in their pharma-ceutical company.

Fit in the organizationHiring managers seek skills, experi-

ence, and talent in recruiting new em-ployees, and they look for cultural fit as well. Each candidate is evaluated for the value they bring and can offer to new and existing teams, how well they will assimilate into the organization, and where they will lead. The percep-tion that a military veteran is used to barking orders, meeting high-stress timelines, and putting feelings aside for execution on mission can deter re-cruiters from evaluating a veteran can-didate.

So what can the veteran employee bring to theorganization? 

Veterans see their work as a career, not a job. To them, a job is the place you show up, perform work, and earn a wage for services. A career, on the other hand, is where you commit your whole self, build a foundation of skills, talents, and experience, and add value to the organization, the mission, and the team at every step.

Why aren’t hiring managers recruiting veterans?

PART I

LEAVING ACTIVE DUTY?Keep Serving in the California

National Guard

There are openings statewide for prior service personnel in both

Officer and Enlisted Ranks   • Keep your retirement benefits   • Maintain your rank   • Healthcare benefits   • Part-time service in your community   • Up to 100% tuition assistance   • Enjoy the camaraderie   •  Switch to a new career field or keep 

your current career

facebookmilitary press newspaper

Page 10: Military Press Zone 2, Oct. 15, 2014

10 October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS www.MilitaryPress.com • [email protected]

ACROSS1. Chair5. French for “Man”10. Trickle14. Song of praise15. Submarine16. Was a passenger17. Mathematics19. Harvard rival20. Hairpiece21. Artist’s workstand22. Birch relative23. Strong and proud25. Under27. East southeast28. Envious31. Young hog34. Contagions35. Ribonucleic acid36. See the sights37. Large bulrushes38. Slaloms39. Altitude (abbrev.)40. Operatic solos41. Legions42. Darnel44. Letter after sigma45. Woodworking tools46. Terrestrial50. Ill-gotten gains52. Fire residues54. Mayday55. Dwarf buffalo56. Exact opposite58. Male deer59. Display60. Lack of difficulty61. Carry62. Pariah63. Caustics

DOWN1. Wrap2. Lofty nest3. Spanish for “Friend”4. Explosive5. Compassionate6. Overweight7. Bit of dust8. Letterboxes9. And so forth10. Livestock pen11. Road maintenance (British)12. Doing nothing13. Equal

18. Holdup22. Beers24. Close26. Nights before28. Cokes or Pepsis29. Module30. Back talk31. Sun32. Sacred33. Overcoat34. Power37. Snare38. Not sweet40. Backside41. Abrasive

43. Carport44. Move unsteadily46. Yours (archaic)47. An analytic literary composition48. Clamor49. S S S S50. Not first51. “Do ___ others...”53. Stair56. American Sign Language57. Snake-like fishP

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This week’s solutions:

SUDOKUThe rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks

so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

Just for 

LaughsGolfer’s confession

A man goes to the confessional. “Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”

“What is your sin, my child?” The priest asks back.

“Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible.”

“When did you do use this awful lan-guage?” said the priest.

“I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground af-ter going only about 100 yards.”

“Is that when you swore?”“No, Father,” said the man.“After that, a squirrel ran out of

the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asked

the Father again.“Well, no,” said the man. “You see,

as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asked the amazed Priest.

“No, not yet.” The man re-plied. “As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of for-est near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear THEN?” asked the now impatient Priest.

“No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

“You missed the damn putt, didn’t you?” sighed the Priest.

Huntin’ licenseA man named Jed went hunting

near the border of Alabama and Geor-gia. When he was going back to his truck, a game warden came up to him and asked him what he had in the sack.

“Three rabbits,” Jed said.The warden said, “Let me see one of

those rabbits.”So Jed pulled out one of the rabbits.

The warden sniffed the rabbit’s behind and said, “This is a Georgia rabbit.”

Then the warden said, “Let me see your Georgia huntin’ license.”

So Jed showed him. Then the war-den said, “Let me see another one of those rabbits.”

So Jed pulled out another rabbit.Then the warden sniffed the rabbit’s

behind, and said, “This is a Alabama rabbit. Let me see your Alabama hun-tin’ license.”

So Jed showed them to him. Then the Warden said, “Where you from boy?”

So Jed pulled his pants down and said, “You figure it out!”

The middle manA woman walks in to a tattoo parlor

and tells the artist she would like two tattoos, one of Robert Redford on her left upper thigh, and one of Paul New-man on her right thigh. After hours of work the tattoo artist is finished and holds a mirror in between the woman’s legs for her to view.

The woman says, “I don’t know if these really look like Paul & Robert, and I ain’t paying’ for this if it isn’t right!” She tells the artist she will go just outside the business and ask someone walking down the street if they know who the two men are on her thighs, if they answer correctly she would pay the artist.

She soon sees a man walking down the street, so she pulls up her skirt and asks him, “Can you tell me who the man on my right thigh and the man on my left thigh are?”

The man replies, “I dunno, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nel-son.”

NASCARWhat does it stand for?NonAthleticSportCreatedAroundRednecks

Blind parachutistA blind man tells his friend how

much he enjoys parachuting. “My hand is placed on my release ring, and then they place me in the door and tell me when to jump. Out I go!”

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” ask his friend.

“Oh,” replies the blind man, “as soon as the dog’s leash goes slack.”

Phillip Rivers’ contractSpanos: How much you want next

year?Phil: $32 million?Spanos: You crazy? Wait a minute,

let me look -- alright, I’m gonna give you $32 million, but when the game starts, all you’re gonna have is a center and a wide receiver. You say you want some blocking? You got enough money; you better get some.

13 nieces and nephewsI’m like, ‘I ain’t taking 13 kids to no

damn movies.’ I was like, ‘I’ll take two of them, and they can tell the rest what they’ve seen.”

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12 October 15, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS www.MilitaryPress.com • [email protected]

The Department of Defense does not endorse any company, sponsor or their products or services. Always wear your seat belt and please don’t drink and drive. Nissan, the Nissan Brand Symbol, Innovation That Excites, and Nissan model names are Nissan trademarks. ©2014 Nissan North America, Inc. All rights reserved.

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