MarryingMarryingFinding a Life PartnerFinding a Life Partner

What qualities do people look What qualities do people look for in a marriage partner?for in a marriage partner?

• Good companion• Considerate• Honest• Affectionate• Dependable• Intelligent • Kind• Understanding• Interesting to talk to• Loyal

What are the steps to take to What are the steps to take to marriage?marriage?

CohabitationCohabitation• Many think

– Common sense– Trains people for marriage

• Studies have shown that it does not improve chances of finding a compatible mate

• Communication not cohabitation is a key way to discover whether you are ready for marriage

Write down in your notes the Write down in your notes the list of things to communicate list of things to communicate

about before marriageabout before marriage

On Loose-LeafOn Loose-Leaf

• What advice would you give to the couple?

• Which of the things to communicate about before marriage applies?

• Why do you think it is important or not important to talk about this?

• Put the number for the scenario on your paper.

Happy Marriages Start with…Happy Marriages Start with…

• Having good self image

• Good communication skills

• Wanting to “be” married not just “get” married

10 Steps to a Happy Marriage10 Steps to a Happy Marriage

1. Strong commitment to the married lifestyle and fidelity

2. Good problem solving skills: there will be problems

3. Mutual trust, respect and honesty

4. Having fun together, really enjoying each other

10 Steps Continued10 Steps Continued

5. Sharing similar backgrounds: social, economic, religious, values, ethnicity?

6. Sharing a belief in the meaning of life and the value of life

7. Respecting each other as individuals with their own space, but shared activities show both interests

10 Steps Continued10 Steps Continued

8. Sharing a love of children, but their love for each other was the reason to stay together not the children only

9. Appreciating each other. High level of forgiveness and acceptance

10.Not living in the past, stop blaming others, don’t focus on past grievances.

Romantic Notions: Unrealistic Romantic Notions: Unrealistic expectationsexpectations

• Being “in love” is sufficient reason to marry.

• Looking for Mr. Perfect• “We’ll work that out when married” or “He’ll

change.”• I know the right person when I “feel” it. • Choosing should be easy. It is fate or

destiny• “We’ll live happily ever after”

Why do people marry?Why do people marry?

Sharing Life with a Loving Sharing Life with a Loving CompanionCompanion

• Deep friendship for life

Creating New LifeCreating New Life

• Most obvious way is through children

• Participate in creation with God, the source of all human life

Strengthening Individual Strengthening Individual IdentitiesIdentities

• Strengthens, does not merge or repress

• Nourish each others particular gifts

• Strengthens roots of identity

Calling forth the Best in Each Calling forth the Best in Each PersonPerson

• Can put aside masks and honestly be themselves

• Revealing this true self is liberating

• The give-and-take of marriage constantly calls forth gifts and personality traits that renew the partners

• Through their relationship they discover they best and truest selves

Enabling a Couple to Reach OutEnabling a Couple to Reach Out

• Freed by their love to reach out to others

• “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Supporting the Journey of FaithSupporting the Journey of Faith

• Means of support for their journey in faith

• Journey in faith cannot be traveled alone

• Supported and nurtured by community

• Ritual of the sacrament of marriage is intended to be a community celebration, not a private event

Marriage as a Covenant of LoveMarriage as a Covenant of Love• Mirrors the covenant between God and

God’s people• What is a covenant?

– Deeply personal, solemn promise made between persons

– Pledge of faithful love– Requires maturity, realism, and preparation

• How is this possible?– God’s grace given in the sacrament

Covenant vs. ContractCovenant vs. Contract•Vows•Unconditional•Mutual•Says, “We do”•Is forever•Open ended: Rich, Poor, Sick, Health, Better, Worse

•Contract•Conditions•Self Centered•Says, “Maybe, until”•If…then•When…then•Until…then

Covenant vs. ContractCovenant vs. Contract•Blessings are forever•Mutual Freedom•Mutual Growth•“Our” life together

•Contract can change, can be updated•My possessions•My property•My money•What I acquire

A Symbol of God’s Faithful LoveA Symbol of God’s Faithful Love

• God’s faithful love for people

• Two persons freely give their love to each other “in good times and in bad”

• Symbolizes the love of Christ for the church

• The God who is love is made visible in the love of the couple

• The sacrament of marriage is living out life together

““What God has Joined What God has Joined Together..”Together..”

• Permanence of marriage– Based on the teachings of Jesus– “the two shall become one flesh”– Necessary for the good of society – When marriages end society suffers from

instability– Broken marriages cause emotional, financial,

spiritual and interpersonal pain

Taking Vows: Offering Own Taking Vows: Offering Own IntegrityIntegrity

• Marriage vows are the formal way that the couple make their covenant to each other

• Solemn promise

• We commit our entire being to it

• We offer our own integrity

The Validity of the VowsThe Validity of the Vows• Must be given freely and knowledgeably in

order to be valid, or true or binding• Freedom from pressures

– Many pressures can weaken a person’s ability to consent freely to marriage, thus making the vows invalid

• Knowledge and willingness– Must know what marriage promises mean– Must know about the other person too

If vows are not taken freely and If vows are not taken freely and knowledgeably…knowledgeably…

• Annulment: marriage vows were invalid from the beginning

• Says marriage was never a valid sacrament

• At the time of the wedding sacrament one or both persons were not able to make a valid vow

Different from…Different from…

• Divorce: dissolves the legal contract of marriage

EngagementEngagement• Beginning a relationship of mutual commitment• Should ask themselves: can we freely,

responsibly and lovingly commit ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives

• Implies involvement or activity• Trust needs to be deepened• Mutual self-disclosure• Should last for months• Time of trial

Marriage PreparationMarriage Preparation

• Intended to help a couple get ready for the serious and deep commitment of marriage

• To realize marriage is a sacrament in union with the whole church

• Designed to assist couples in fulfilling their mutual commitment

• Often involves courses and meeting with a counselor

The Wedding CelebrationThe Wedding Celebration• Joyful celebrations• Anticipates with hope a love that will endure

the test of time• Shows love of couple as well as God’s love to

community• Community serves as witness• Highlights the public commitment of the

couple• The sacrament sign of marriage is sharing of

life together

The Rite of MarriageThe Rite of Marriage

• Usually takes place within the Mass

• Following Liturgy of the Word

• 3 Questions the Priest asks– Have you come here freely?– Will you love and honor each other everyday

for the rest of your lives?– Will you accept children lovingly from God?

VowsVows

• I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and health, I will love and honor you all the days of my life.

• Tells all who are present that these two persons have a goal of permanent commitment to foster each other’s good and thus the good of society as a whole.

• Time of hope and optimism for all

• Helps couple to realize the support of the community