March and April Warm UPs More sentences to correct…

FossumEnglish 10/12

Warm Up 52 March 22/23carl waisted his 1st year at college by not studying enough and spending to much time at parties

REVISEDCarl wasted his first year at college by studying too little and partying too much.

WU # 53 March 26/27the reason they were so eager to sell tickets is because their trying to re-furbish the old gymnasium

RevisedThey were so eager to sell tickets because they're trying to refurbish the old gymnasium.

WU#54 March 28/29there is a desire on the part of many of us to maintain a Spring Recess for the purpose of getting away from the demands of our Studies

Much BetterWe want a spring recess so we can get away from our studies.

OR We want a spring recess to escape our studies.

WU #55 April 10/11he was really late to his English class due to the fact that he had to finish his Biology test

Avoid Clichés and Bloated Writing

http://www.canadianwriterspocketguide2e.nelson.com/includes/HED/buscomm/PDF/Module21.PDF

Revising for “bloat”He was late for English because he had to finish his biology test.

WU #56 April 12/13by us changing the oil every 3 thousand miles the car was kept in excellent condition

Revised for dangling modifier

Changing the oil every 3,000 miles, we kept the car in excellent condition.

Active voice/correcting for dangling modifiers

We changed the oil every 3,000 miles to keep it in excellent condition.

Warm Up #56 April 16/17

3 reasons why steel companies keep losing money are that there plants are inefficient high labor costs and foreign competition is increasing

RevisionThree reasons why steel companies keep losing money are inefficient plants, high labor costs, and increasing foreign competition.

Warm Up #57 April 18/19 jeffersons thoughts that displayed his new support for the constitution were documented in one very unique letter to his friend james madison.

RevisionJefferson documented his new support of the constitution in a unique letter to his friend James Madison.

Warm Up #58 April 20/23writers should spend alot of time really thinking about their arguments to make sure they are not superficial

Vague Pronoun Reference Is it the writers’ arguments that are superficial?

Or are the writers themselves superficial?

Pick One:Writers should spend a great deal

of time thinking about their arguments to make sure that those arguments are not superficial.

Writers should spend time thinking of arguments that are genuine.

To be effective, writers should not make superficial arguments.

writers should spend time thinking about their arguments to make sure they are not superficial

After reading the original study, the article remains unconvincing.

(The article did not read the study; a person did.)

Revision: After reading the original study, I remain unconvinced.

1

.

Most important may be the bear's body temperature, it remains relatively constant compared to that of true hibernators

Most important may be the bear's body temperature, which remains relatively constant compared to that of true hibernators

No one on this bus seems to know ______ way around this part of New York City.