March and April Warm UPs More sentences to correct…

FossumEnglish 10/12

Warm Up 52 March 22/23carl waisted his 1st year at college by not studying enough and spending to much time at parties

REVISEDCarl wasted his first year at college by studying too little and partying too much.

WU # 53 March 26/27the reason they were so eager to sell tickets is because their trying to re-furbish the old gymnasium

RevisedThey were so eager to sell tickets because they're trying to refurbish the old gymnasium.

WU#55 March 28/29there is a desire on the part of many of us to maintain a Spring Recess for the purpose of getting away from the demands of our Studies

Avoid Clichés and Bloated Writing

http://www.canadianwriterspocketguide2e.nelson.com/includes/HED/buscomm/PDF/Module21.PDF

Much BetterWe want a spring recess so we can get away from our studies.

OR We want a spring recess to escape our studies.

WU #56 April 10/11by changing the oil every three thousand miles the car was kept in excellent condition

Revised for dangling modifierChanging the oil every 3,000 miles, we kept the car in excellent condition.

WU #57 April 12/13he was really late to his English class due to the fact that he had to finish his Math test

Revising for “bloat”He was late for English because he had to finish his math test.

Bloated Expressions To Avoid At this point in time . . .“

Meaning: Now. "It would be appreciated if . . .“

Meaning: Please. "In the month of December . . ."

Meaning: In December. "It has come to my attention that . . ."

Meaning: Whatever comes after "that." "In the eventuality that . . ."

Meaning: If. "At the present time . . .“ Now…

More…Redundancies

"Bad mistakes" Use mistakes. All mistakes are bad.

"My personal opinion is that . . ." Use my opinion. All opinions are personal.

"Repeat again" Use repeat. Repeat means to do again.

"Visible to the eye" Use visible. Can anything be visible to

anything but the eye? "For the purpose of . . ."

Meaning: For.

Warm Up # 58 April 16/17noone on this bus seem to know they’re way around this part of the city of new york

RevisionNo one on this bus seems to know his or her way around this part of New York City.

Indefinite Pronoun agreement No one (person)----has? vs. have? the

answer People have

Everybody----has? Or have? their or his? Every (individual) body of us has his or her

answer All of us have Anyone will have their or his/her Any one (person) will have his/her

WU #59 April 18/19after reading the original study the article remains unconvincing

After reading the original study, I remain unconvinced.

(The article did not read the study; a person — I did.)

Revision

WU #60 April 20/237 children were injured in the accident only one required hospitalizing

Revised for comma spliceSeven children were injured in the accident; only one required hospitalization.

WU #61 April 24/25do you want turkey spinach and cheese roast beef lettuce and cheese or ham tomato, and cheese asked jim

Use semi-colons between items on a list already separated by commas“Do you want turkey, spinach, and cheese; roast beef, lettuce, and cheese; or ham, tomato, and cheese?” asked Jim.

Add the Semi-colonsI cannot decide if I want my room to be green, brown, and purple green, black, and brown or green, brown, and dark red.

Semi-colons join items in listsI cannot decide if I want my room to be green, brown, and purple; green, black, and brown; or green, brown, and dark red.

WU #62 April 26/27

atticus didn't want scout to fight, however she could not ignore injustices

Correcting comma spliceAtticus didn’t want Scout to fight; however, he knew she could not ignore injustices.

WU #633 reasons why some students drop out of college are problems of to much parting and if they run out of money and if they can’t meet deadlines

Three reasons why some students drop out of college are problems of too much partying, and if they run out of money and if they can’t meet deadlines

Revising for Better Parallelism

Some college students drop out because of academic, financial, or time management problems.

Warm Up #64 May 2nd/3rdof the 5 stages of tradegy that artistotle said there is included a stage where a character will make a error in judgement based on them having a tragic flaw

RevisedOne of Aristotle’s five stages of

tragedy includes a character whose tragic flaw causes him to make an error in judgment.

Aristotle’s five stages of tragedy include a character whose tragic flaw causes him to make an error in judgment.

WU #65 May 4/7thmacbeth the thane of glamis finds out that he has been promoted to thane of cawdor , this makes him think about the other witches prophecy

appositive Macbeth, the Thane of Glamis,

becomes Macbeth, the Thane of Cawdor.

An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that renames another noun right beside it. The appositive can be a short or long combination of words. Look at these examples:

The insect, a tiny ant, is crawling across the desk.

RevisedMacbeth, the Thane of Glamis, finds out that he has been promoted to Thane of Cawdor ; this makes him consider the witches’ other prophecy.

Not the other witch’s prophecy Nor the other witches prophecy

WU #66 May 8th/9thIn macbeth a play by shakespeare you realize that the witches are being used by him to control the fate of the characters

the fix….In macbeth a play by shakespeare you realize that the witches are being used by him to control the fate of the characters

Do NOT EVER use YOU in an essay

WU #66 RevisedShakespeare uses the witches in Macbeth to control the fate of his characters.

WU #67 May 10/11thwriters should spend a great deal of time thinking about their arguments to make sure they are not superficial.

Revision: two possibilities Writers should spend a great deal of time

thinking about their arguments to make sure that those arguments are not superficial.

Even better: Writers should ensure that their

arguments are truly authentic.

WU # 68 May 14/15 In 1605 king james survives a assassination attempt which was the inspiration for Shakespeare to write Macbeth

Revised for consistency in tense, nominalizationIn 1605 King James survived an assassination attempt, which inspired Shakespeare to write Macbeth.

WU #69 May 20/21all of this year we have

corrected sentences for comma splices and fragments tenses that isn’t consistent, pronoun agreement errors, if they are punctuated improperly and weather or not they are parallel

BetterThis year we have revised sentences for errors of comma splices and fragments, tense inconsistencies, pronoun agreement problems, punctuation, and parallelism.

Another versionWe have examined the following errors in sentences: comma splices and fragments; tense consistency; pronoun agreement; punctuation; and parallelism.

May 22/23writing good is a skill you can use your whole entire life, the importance of it can not be underestimated or overlooked

Revised for “you” and “well” and redundancyThe importance of writing well can not be underestimated.

Writing well is an important life skill.

May 24/25memorial day is a day of

remembrance for all of the men and women who died while serving in the united states armed forces, it is also generally used as a marker for the start of the summer vacation season

RevisedMemorial Day is a day to remember the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces; it also marks the start of the summer vacation season.