making decisions-a short course a workshop for lawyers about career decision making
TRANSCRIPT
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Making Decisions-A Short Course
• A WORKSHOP FOR LAWYERS ABOUT CAREER DECISION MAKING
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Why Lawyers Get Stuck-Career Indecisiveness
• Not all lawyers have made an unequivocal decision to be or remain lawyers-some level of doubt is common
• Some lawyers drifted into law almost by default or accident-”I found myself with a B.A. and wasn’t sure what to do-so I went into law-at least I could make a living out of it”
• Some were unduly influenced by parents “Be a lawyer- it is easy money and you can get things done in the world”-what is often unconscious is “If you end up as a lawyer it will vindicate the crappy parenting I feel guilty about”
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Why lawyers Get Stuck
• Some lawyers went into law with no realistic idea of what it is like-they had never set foot in a law office and their only knowledge of law comes from TV or the movies
• Even those who did have somewhat of an idea of the reality of it are taken aback when they actually have to do it-law school really gives no idea of what real practice is like-or even how to do much law besides research
• Few lawyers do much serious career planning (even though they did meticulous academic planning) in terms of matching aptitude and skills and temperament to what is needed in law
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Why Lawyers Get stuck
• A substantial percentage of Lawyers actually don’t do much career planning until they have been practicing for a few years-by then they can be unhappy or dissatisfied
• Most Lawyers take the first articling job they are offered and will stay on, if asked, even if the situation is clearly unsuitable for them-imagine if you picked your spouse this way-you would be married to the first person who asked you out!!
• There are several big decisions lawyers need to make-what culture will I do best in and what area of law is best suited for me?
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What Beliefs Cause Indecisiveness?
• “Waiting for something to come up”-this is a passive approach-nothing will come up-you must be proactive
• “Looking for the perfect option”-perfectionism is a neurosis not a desirable belief-it will result in endless procrastination
• “Fear of change-this will look bad on my resume” change is normal and necessary in a legal career especially in the first few years
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What Beliefs Cause Indecisiveness?
• “Living in potential”-having a number of options but not following up on any of them
• “Hoping it will get better over time”-frustration, disappointment and anger is the universe telling you a change is needed-getting used to suffering is not helpful
• “Hoping for a blinding flash of inspiration”-this happens in movies not real life-you will find out buy doing some inner work and taking action
• “Over thinking the Situation”-many lawyers think that if they think about it enough an answer will appear -you need to act your way into a new way of thinking not think your way into a new way of acting
• The best way to learn about a new career or practicing a different type of law is to talk to people already doing it
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“Too bad to stay but too good to leave”
• If you are in this situation a real decision has to be made-not a pseudo decision
• Many people have a hard time making decisions
• Obsessing and ruminating are 1-symptoms of poor decision making ability 2-trying to think your way out of the situation 3- ways of avoiding fear and risk 4- looking for the perfect decision 5- hoping to avoid consequences of your decision
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Lore Approach“Pathfinder”
• In this approach you examine what factors influence your decisions now
• Most decisions are based on habit and being on automatic pilot-i.e. what route you take to work in the morning
• Exercise; bring to mind 3 recent decisions and determine which of the following factors you used
• Logic and Analysis -this is based on thought alone-add up the pros and cons, assign a value to them and poof you’re done-problem is you aren't actually making the decision your rules are
• Feelings and passions -this is the other side: relying solely on feelings-the problem is feelings are like weather –they come and go
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Lore Approach
• Romantic yearnings -this is falling in love with a story you have about another person or a career, rather than reality
• Resonance -this is gut instinct or intuition-this, without considering other factors, can result in poor decisions
• External sources -this relying on others to make important decisions-mom may be happy you are a lawyer but she never sees the downside
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Lore Approach
• Reaction and Rebellion -doing the opposite of whatever you don’t like about what you are doing now-this also includes compliance- which is just the flip side of rebellion. Both are handing over your power to others
• Random -going with the flow involves an abdication of decision making-fine for a weekend but causes problems if it is about your career (lawyers do this surprisingly often-taking the first articling job they are offered or staying on somewhere just to avoid a job search)
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Lore Approach
• Shoulds-this about being a slave to bias and judgments “I must work at a big tier one law firm or I am a failure”
• Practicing Free Choice: “To select freely without being ruled by conditioned thinking” or “to select freely, after thoughtful deliberation”
• Step 1 -Notice how you make decisions now-what factors influence you the most?-How well does this work?-Did you make the decision or the method it self?
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Lore Approach
• Step 2 –Learn all you can about the matter in question-use the previously discussed methods to your advantage-as allies to your decision making process
• A) Logic and Analysis -fully inform yourself using all appropriate research
• B) Feelings, Inclinations, Preferences: Use these to add to the information mix
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Lore Approach
• C) Romantic yearnings: Pay attention to passions, they are often important clues. Don't be a slave to them –just because you love dogs doesn’t mean you should be a veterinarian
• D) Resonance: Pay attention to “vibes” this is important in picking law firm culture-even sitting in a waiting room of some law firms you pick up its energy
• E) External sources: Informational interviews or expert opinions-talk to the LAP!!
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Lore Approach
• F) Reaction, Rebellion, Compliance -can be useful tools-people are often very clear about what they don’t want-is your compliance need keeping you stuck?
• G) Random: Serendipity can be useful-sometimes “accidents” are not accidents at all
• H)Shoulds and Yeahbuts -are very useful in estimating what could go wrong-Murphy's Law is useful at times
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Make a Choice
• Step 3- Make a choice-after taking the above into consideration-not relying on any factor in particular
• It is as simple as that-you have done all you can and must now decide-delaying the decision further (deciding not to decide) will not result in a better decision
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Troubleshooting
• Difficulty in Deciding• 1)You haven’t gathered all the information
you need-maybe you need to do more informational interviews
• 2)You are deciding not to decide-not always a bad thing-sometimes you do need to delay making a decision
• 3)you are trying to keep all options open-this usually results in chronic procrastination-you must give up the path not chosen-you have limited time, money and energy-you cannot and will not be able to do every thing you want-I call this “living in potential”
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Troubleshooting
• How do I know if I am making the right decision?-the first thing to realize is there is no right decision-just the best decision you could have made under the circumstances. In job changes every move is simply an experiment based on the best information available at the time
• What if it turns out to be the wrong decision?-sometimes this will happen and you learn the lesson, skip the self beating-then move on
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Rubin Approach“Overcoming Indecisiveness”
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Real Decisions
• Translate thought into decisive action
• Break through inhibition and paralysis
• Success is directly proportional to the willingness to make decisions
• Chronic procrastination is a result of abdication of decision-making
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Abdication
• Will severely limit accomplishment in any area of our lives
• i.e.-indecision about career change-fear of change vs. value of change
• Results in a deadening of self• Parts of ourselves are unavailable
to be felt, reached, or used
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Real Decisions
• A free,unconditional,total and personal commitment to a choice or option
• Involve logic and feelings• A full commitment to one road
only• Enhance self esteem• Increase self confidence
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Pseudodecisions
• Appear to be a decision but are not
• Paralysis, undermining commitment and avoiding con flicting feelings are all forms of indecision
• Procrastination is often really a form of indecisiveness
• Ambivalence-”waiting for something to turn up” or" no choice is quite right”
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Pseudecisions-2
• Impulse Moves• Letting someone else decide• Rebellious Decisions• One foot in - One foot out• Ruminating about the past
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Decision Exercise
• Write 3 decisions you have recently made that feel like “real” decisions to you
• Write 3 decisions you need to make, but are having trouble with.
• What do you believe is getting in the way of making these decisions?
• Think- Pair -Share
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Decision Blockers
1. Losing touch with feelings2. Resignation-avoiding anxiety3. Confused or absence of,
priorities4. Poor self esteem5. Hopelessness/Depression6. Unrealistic self image7. Self Erasing/obsessive need to
be liked8. Perfectionism-common with
Lawyers
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Decision Blockers-2
1. Wanting it all-Malignant belief that if you make no choice you will have a chance to have it all
2. Illustration-A 4 year old in a Toy Store-You can have 1 toy!
3. All decisions involve some form of payment-i.e.... discarded choices
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Decision Blockers-3
1. Something better will come along
2. Fear of self hate due to a bad choice-need to be right
3. Coulda,Woulda,Shoulda-berating the self
4. Option Blindness
5. Time pressure distortion
6. Impaired judgment
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The Big Fact
• In very few instances is one decision actually better than another
• The substance of the decision is less important than the process
• A choice works by reason of the amount of investment and energy put into it by decision maker
• The decision maker makes or breaks the decision according to the strength or weakness of the commitment and loyalty to the choice
• Decision failure is really a lack of dedicated commitment to the choice
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Priorities
• The position of life’s issues on our personal scale of importance
• Tell us about our values• Being out of touch with our
priorities results in chaotic decisions
• Some priorities are not fully conscious
• Honesty with self is critical here• Priority exercise
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Eight Stages of Decision Making
1.Listing and observing all the possibilities, options or choices
-not a time for judgment
-perfectionism is dangerous here
2.Sustaining a free flow of feelings and thoughts about each of the possible choices
3.Observing thoughts and feelings about each of the options and applying those feelings
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Eight Stages of Decision Making-2
4.Relating choices to established priorities
-i.e. buying a car-money,ownership,prestige,aesthetics,comfort,integrety,peace of mind etc.
5.Designating one choice; Discarding those not chosen
-will “feel right”
-tough part is letting go of other choices
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Eight Stages of Decision Making-3
6.Registering the decision
-dangerous stage for obsessive ruminator
7.Investing the decision with committed feelings,thoughts,time and energy.
-Must absoposativamalutely let go of nonchosen options
8.Translating the decision into optimistic action
-must invest loyalty and optimism about the decision
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Decision Success
• Know your priorities• Establishing realistic goals and
expectations• Knowing there is always a price
to pay• Recognizing major personal
assets• Knowing and exploring your
proclivities• Getting over fear of rejection and
failure
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Decision Success-2
• Leaving- is non involving/Going to- is involving the self
• Conditions are always imperfect• Moods make a difference • Accepting some ambivalence• Accepting some insecurity and
anxiety• Interest comes after involvement• Integrated concentration
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Decision Success-3
• Profiting from other peoples experience and help
• Delegating responsibility• Effective use of time• Insight,motivation,discipline• Postponement of gratification• Value of struggle