mad dark - simplyscripts · web viewrun, you could still catch her. jack: i’m too slow. jack:...

CHARACTERS

JACK RASCAL – a member of the press

ADA STRANGER – an actress

MAD DARK – ALAN DEAL – OCTOBER 2008 1

PART ONE

ALL FIVE JACKS lay sleeping on the floor, they snore and we see the flicker of eyelids as they dream.Music begins and a figure walks on in the background, imaginary cigarette in her hands. She does not speak a word but is in the middle of a dramatic scene, an actress. All the Jacks slowly raise as the music ends and ADA disappears.The Jacks take out papers and read them; Ada Stranger – Dead, it reads and they look mournfully at it until they place it back into pockets of trousers.

JACK: How do you do?

JACK: My name is Jack.

JACK: Something happened to me and now I have nothing but nightmares.

JACK: They came one night.

JACK: And never seem to leave me alone.

JACK: They are me. There my thoughts… they unnerve me.

JACK: It wasn’t like I was looking for them, nor do I want them.

JACK: Some are devastating, some just silly.

JACK: No wet dreams though; I’m passed them – I’ve grown up.

JACK: To be a man, a man with only nightmares for company.

JACK: No family.

JACK: Or friends.

JACK: Only nightmares.

ALL JACKS: We’re yours!

JACK: I know that. Impossible to change…

JACK: Tell me about them.

ALL JACKS: Yeah, tell us.

JACK: Okay there was this gathering once – everyone I knew and didn’t was there.

All Jacks turn into party-goers, mingling talking nonsense to each other. Each subsequent Jack will step forward and talk to centre-stage Jack.

JACK: I hate these things.


JACK: Why?

JACK: You know - too many people you don’t like in one room, no way out – it’s depressing.

JACK: Even with the dancing?

JACK: I do like to dance.

JACK: It’s like watching paint dry on a wall that’s free-falling in slow-mo!

JACK: Don’t over egg the pudding.

JACK: (Pointing) Oh my god it’s Ada.

One Jack steps forward and turns into Ada – the girl at the party, she talks to nobody.

JACK: This isn’t happening. What’s she doing here?

JACK: It’s her birthday.

JACK: Isn’t her premiere tonight?

JACK: “Dirty Smut?”

JACK: Very her.

JACK: She does choose them well.

JACK: Jack, ask her to dance will you?

JACK: (Turning shy) Don’t do this to me.

JACK / ADA: (Overhearing) I’d love to.

He/She extends a hand toward Jack who reluctantly takes it – as the hands make contact music plays – Jollie Holland (Mexico City) They start to dance as does everybody else after ten seconds, some dance seriously, others not so.

After they finish dancing – they talk a while and go for a walk in the moonlight. The two sit down and eat a picnic before getting up and looking at the stars.

As they begin to walk again, All Jacks form a mass of evil bodies, following in pursuit – slowly. They reach and grab Ada, tearing her away from Jack. They push Jack to the ground and murder Ada – their backs to the audience. They leave her on the floor and waltz off before…

… returning to join Jack who is knelt down on the floor. They get up and perform a funeral march, picking up Ada and burying her. All Jacks stand in a line and face the


back of the stage – the middle Jack lays stays kneeling and lies down, face to the floor.

JACK: Get up Jack.

JACK: Come on mate, we’ve got Rugby.

JACK: I don’t feel up to it.

JACK: If you stay in there your mind will wander. Don’t let it.

JACK: Maybe it never happened?

JACK: It didn’t – get up, you’ll see it was a dream.

The Jack on the floor gets up to his feet.

JACK: I’m confused, I’ve watched Ada die more times than I’ve had wanks.

All Jacks turn around and Ada appears again (played by the same Jack as before) they kill her again, backs towards audience – one turns around, head over shoulder.

JACK: Which is a lot!

They all cheer and turn into guys, drinking in a bar – one helps the dead Ada to her / his feet.

JACK: Look at her, she’s gagging for it.

JACK: For what?

JACK: A slap-up dinner.

JACK: A chick-flick?

JACK: Your dick mate, she’s a lookin’ at ya!

JACK: Nah, she’s dancing with that fella.

JACK: But he’s doing it all wrong.

JACK: He should be doing it like this.

He sways his hips and claps his hands – badly grinding.

JACK: It’s all schlong/wrong with you isn’t it Jack; penis this – penis that.

JACK: That’s why he’s such a cock all of the time.

All Jacks hit their heads in realisation.


JACK: What is it, fifty-foot long?

JACK: Nope… just ten foot.

JACK: Go talk to her.

JACK: Can’t! She’s gone.

All heads follow in unison – from centre to stage left, watching her path, nodding.

ALL JACKS: Don’t them all.

JACK: Run, you could still catch her.

JACK: I’m too slow.

JACK: We know, use your feet.

JACK: Let’s do drugs instead.

ALL JACKS: Agreed.

2JACKS put pillows over their heads and sit down – another two sit in their laps and get stoned to a piece of music. One Jack sits alone, shaking.


PART TWO

JACK: (Overgrazed) I dream of pillow-headed people.

JACK: Laying their hands on mine.

JACK: Trying to smother me.

JACK: Extinguish the snores.

JACK: They creep into my room – sometimes missing feet, sometimes not.

JACK: Slow-moving.

JACK: The shadows formate; acting as posters for my walls.

JACK: I’m grateful for that.

JACK: They cost me nothing.

JACK: I hate paying for interesting walls.

JACK: I dream of pillow-headed people.

JACK: You probably don’t.

JACK: I’m so hungry; I think I’m going to eat my own face in a minute.

All JACKS – bar the middle

JACK: What’s the plan for tonight then?

JACK: I was thinking I might watch a bit of television.

JACK: Oh my God, don’t go overboard with the ambition. You’ll die lonely if all you plan to do is watch the box.

JACK: Would you rather something else?

JACK: Would I? Would you id the question – there’s plenty to do.

JACK: Examples if you would.

JACK: You could… I don’t know… have… do… watch something… else…

JACK: I actually enjoy watching the television.

JACK: I’ve heard it sups your brain.

JACK: Nah, it informs.


JACK: Death and destruction in the world today.

JACK: And on a lighter note.

JACK: I mean take Jesus for example, he had beautiful hair. But he really should have whipped up a couple more buns cos he looked mighty thin from what I can tell.

JACK: I see.

JACK: Point registered.

JACK: It’s 3 a.m. and I can’t sleep. Wish I could break my neck at two, then have the pieces put back together for morning time and waking up in my arms is you… Ada.

JACK: (Whisper) Are!

JACK: (Whisper) All!

JACK: (Whisper) Girls!

JACK: (Whisper) Jack!

JACK: (Whisper) Spice!

JACK: (Whisper) Bastards!

JACK: (Whisper) Jack!

JACK: What?

JACK: (Getting up) “All Spice Girls Are Bastards!” - It’s what I watch when I can’t sleep.

JACK: A film noir about how they eventually bring about the destruction of the world.

JACK: Sounds terrifying.

JACK: And beautiful, I love them, there my favourite band.

GINGER JACK: Could it be that I wanted to leave because of the colour of my hair? Or was it because I couldn’t hold a note that wasn’t made of paper and addressed to somebody? I wrote all of our songs, it’s true. Wrote the hell out of them whilst flashing me nips at Prince Charles.

ALL 5 SPICE JACKS: (Sing) ‘Rule Britannia!’

GINGER JACK returns to the line-up / POSH JACK STEPS FORWARD


POSH JACK: (Pouting) I was born with lips like this. They are so big in fact that Leslie Ash went back for seconds because she was jealous of my pout! Because my singing role had all but gone, I had no other choice but to repopulate the earth with David Beckhams.

POSH JACK returns to the line-up / BABY JACK STEPS FORWARD

BABY JACK: (Takes lollipop out and cries, stops) I’m fucking twelve!

BABY JACK returns to the line-up / Both MEL JACKS STEP FORWARD

BOTH MEL JACKS: We both answer to Melanie.

MEL C JACK: I’ve done karate.

MEL B JACK: I’ve done Eddie Murphy.

ALL 5 SPICE JACKS:

MEL C JACK: I’m a scouser.

JACK: And I’ve done Eddie Murphy!

No reaction this time, from anyone, silence. MEL B JACK notices this and turns around

MEL B JACK: None for seconds? (Turns back) Schmaltzy!

MEL C JACK: That hurt more than your voice.

ALL 5 SPICE JACKS begin to sing, loudly as if drunkards

ALL 5 SPICE JACKS: “All Spice Girls are Bastards – that’s why everyone wants to blast us. Drive-by mama I love you, spice up your friggin’ zig a zig, cigars on my skin

and shoot us dead, bastards, the lot of us!”

They all become extras, talking to each other about the film All Spice Girls… JACK and ADA JACK sit front-stage centre

JACK: I don’t know why you’re doing this. It’s been week since we met.

ADA JACK: Don’t be silly – it’s not what you said.

JACK: But the way I said it?

ADA JACK: No.

JACK: What then?


ADA JACK: Jack, your brains the most haunted place on earth, you should fill out residency forms, charge the ghosts what you think its worth.

JACK: (Rubbing eyes) I’m so tired. Mind is jittering away; I’d love to say something worthwhile. But that’s not me, never was, guess it’s just not my brain-style.

ADA JACK: Say something… anything infant.

JACK: I love you?

ADA JACK: Was that a question mark I heard?

JACK: (Head down) Sorry.

ADA JACK: Don’t apologise, just disguise the punctuation in future.

JACK: I will miss… I will.

They stay still but fidget every now and again – the other Jacks step into a line as if waiting for the toilet.

JACK: I hate this feeling… like I’m filling up with piss from the inside.

JACK: Rising up, going to burst in a minute

JACK: I forgot to tell you something.

JACK: What was it?

JACK: I’ve forgotten.

JACK: Idiot.

JACK: As much an idiot as somebody who thought that by swallowing a specific type of marshmallow you could grow a pair of breasts.

JACK: (Puts two fists up his top) Hey lads, have a gander at these.

JACK: When you get old does some come out?

JACK: Tie a knot in it, that’ll sort you right out.

JACK: Its madness this queue, it’s the stuff of nightmares, like clowns and oversized squids.

JACK: Were’ quids in, I think I just heard the flush. Maybe, it’s a pretty one, never know your luck!

JACK: Those thousand notches won’t ever build you a home.


JACK: There’s only one for me, a shame she’s on the big screen.

JACK: You’ve done so many people, you’re a walking STD.

JACK: It’s STI now.

JACK: It could be ABC, it still knocks me sick.

Lights shift


PART THREE

They (almost) sing

JACK: Seventeen.

JACK: Not much more than a drama queen.

JACK: Definitely ain’t no dancing queen.

JACK: Just a queen.

JACK: But plain queens aren’t no good.

JACK: They bitch, they moan – don’t do what they should.

JACK: Give you none of the good stuff.

JACK: Perhaps there just misunderstood.

They stop singing – ALL JACKS CLAP – one steps forward.

JACK: (Bows) Thank you, honestly, thanks – what a good reception. I wrote that when I was…

JACK: Sixteen?

JACK: Saracasm! Great, no, seventeen. I’ve won all awards, no I am the award. They give me to people when they’ve won and they rock me like a baby. Sour now.

ALL JACKS: How?

JACK: Drugs, they spiralled me out of control. The usual breakdowns and nervous tantrums. It’s amazing how dreams become nightmares in the blink of an eye.

JACK: In.

JACK: The.

JACK: Blink.

JACK: Of.

JACK: An.

JACK: Eye.

ALL JACKS except the one outside of the group put their hands over their eyes. They become uncomfortable and start scratching out their eyes. The odd JACK steps into


the centre and the bloody-eyed JACKS stand behind him, slowly letting go of their faces – blooding dripping down cheeks.

ALL JACKS: (Short / sharp whisper / order) Panic.

JACK does so, from side to either side of the stage he wanders, trying to find a way out – there isn’t one. He rubs his arms and shouts out.

JACK: Ada! (Pause) Ada, where are you?

ALL JACKS: (Whisper) Where would you like me?

JACK: Ada?

ALL JACKS: (Scream) What?

JACK: Nothing, I could never find you, I’m sorry. I watched, met, admired you and I can’t remember what happened next. Did we marry, have children? I guess we argued. Why else would we not be together? Fame didn’t eat you (Pause) Must remember what happened… something could have, possibly.

He walks off and two JACKS WALK forward – one rubbing hands together (he is cold) the other is fine and eats fudge

JACK: So I’m in some kind of book shop and Will Self is doing a book signing.

JACK: What was the book about?

JACK: Not sure, pretty sure it had some relevancy to drippy eggs.

JACK: And then what happened?

JACK: For some reason he seemed like some sort of super villain.

JACK: (Holding up a piece) I just love fudge.

JACK: It baffles me, but he fires rays out of his palms that hit me in the stomach and lift me up, levitating me toward the ceiling before throwing me against the wall.

JACK: Knocking down a display of books?

JACK: Yeah that’s right, they do – they do that completely, yes.

JACK: Bummer!

JACK: I’ve been reading his books recently.

JACK: That’s why then, your mind picked up on that, turned your willingness to open a book against you.


JACK: Reading can be scary.

JACK: It’s all those words.

JACK: Yeah.

JACK: I had a nightmare about this woman. She laughed right at me.

JACK: Laughing?

JACK: She just stared at me, right through to my bones… and laughed. The laugh was the worst part, it was evil. I woke up and had to put my head under the cover because I swear that I could hear this breathy laugh coming from the corner of my room. She was in my room. Whore!

JACK: An amused whore! (Laughs)

JACK: Stop laughing at me, you sound just like her.

JACK: Your daft you, proper daft.

JACK: (Adopts deep voice) “And who should I make this out to?”

JACK: Piss off.

JACK: (Offering) Fudge?

JACK: I’m not into fudge mate.

JACK: Not into fudge? You’re a caramel boy aren’t you?

JACK: (Shakes head) Toffee!

JACK: You need help, your mad you, toffee? Fucking hell.

JACK: What happened last week with Ada? I hear your quite the star-spotter nowadays.

JACK: Who’s Ada?

JACK: You know, at that bar – she’s your favourite, you’ve a thousand photographs at least, and she’s reclusive.

JACK: I’m not with you, I wasn’t there.

JACK: You were.

JACK: No, I wasn’t. I just love fudge.

JACK: It was dark, not much to see, except her – then she left, didn’t she?


JACK: Stop laughing at me, you sound just like her.

JACK: I’m not laughing

JACK: (Shakes head) Toffee!

JACK: We’ve been here before.

JACK: Who’s Ada?

JACK: (Sighs) Were getting nowhere

These two leave and are replaced by a different set of THREE JACKS on the opposite side of the stage.

JACK: And they’ll never know.

JACK: Who?

JACK: Our parents, and thank the lord because I really can’t afford another hand imprint on my arse.

JACK: Is that where she still hits you? She knows you’ve hit puberty right?

JACK: Probably not, she found God when I was ten.

JACK: Where?

JACK: In the toilet! Church, Jack, church!

JACK: Imagine God just lying there in his rubber dingy and arm bands and then… (Makes toilet flush sound and screams)

JACK: Perhaps she just likes the feel of a nice tight young buttock.

JACK: That’s incest isn’t it?

JACK: No, I’m pretty sure that only applies to cousins.

JACK: Okay, my mum and my bum aside; I believe a tiny celebration of the unsafe sex liquid is in order.

JACK: Champagne?

JACK: Do you wear a monocle?

They each hold their left eye

JACK: Don’t say it.


JACK: Your going to say it aren’t you? Jesus above, he’s going to say it. Go on, don’t say what you were about to say.

JACK: Say it!

JACK: Cider! Did we break into there with a tremendous difficulty and a heightened sense of scared shit-less to come out and wrap our lips around this? If this is what school nights are coming to, I’m not sure that I want to participate anymore. Is it?

JACK: Nay, I got you an alchopop.

JACK: Thanks.

JACK: Do I get one, or do I just make do?

JACK: (Makes concerned face) One to many do’s!

JACK: Jack, you brought the cider.

JACK: That doesn’t mean I’m happy about drinking it. Have a peek at my face next time I’m gulping some down. It’s all (makes face) and (makes another face)

JACK: Do you want a swig?

JACK: I’ll stick to urine thanks. Good for the skin.

JACK: That true?

JACK: Two billion people can’t be wrong.

JACK: (Unzipping trousers) Open wide then.

ALL JACKS: UP.

ALL JACKS have a massive intake of breath.

JACK: Something iffy?

JACK: I may be about to dishearten some of you.

JACK: Question?

JACK: It took us eight hours to break into there.

JACK: I know…

JACK: And how very convenient that the alarms had been forgotten about, just tonight; would have taken triple that.


JACK: Obtained the letters of sin.

JACK: Perhaps in vain.

JACK: Go on.

JACK: I think, I think that telephones still exist.

JACK: Are you sure?

JACK: Yeah like 100% because I’ve been told that mobiles replaced them all in like (pause) the sixties I think.

JACK: Oh dear I’m shocked – hang on, no I’m not.

JACK: For your arse’s sake, I hope that phone’s don’t exist.

JACK: This is a worrying episode; just like when I haven’t handed my article in on time or where I’m naked in assembly

ALL JACKS hold up sheets of paper with the male anatomy over the appropriate parts of the JACK who just spoke, he cringes –they remove paper and turn them over, pulling out pencils and scribbling notes, they are now reporters.

The real ADA STRANGER walks on, all feather-boa and long gloves, she coughs, they turn and crowd around her

JACK as REPORTER: Miss Stranger.

JACK as REPORTER: Ada… Ada.

JACK as REPORTER: What a wonderful performance

ADA: Why of course it was, I performed it, twas performed by me.

JACK as REPORTER: It seems that it could have been influenced by your background; I understand that you had quite the childhood.

She smokes imaginary cigarettes, occasionally miming a drag with two of her fingers and exhaling nothing

ADA: I grew up in a small town called Shitterton (by name and nature) I worked in a tobacconist, aged twelve, ‘Cigarette Bastards’ above the door. That’s where I sold cigarettes to bastards who preferred their lungs black as opposed to beige

JACK as REPORTER: You’ve since kicked the habit?

ADA: Oh yes (looks at fingers) My fingers are a force of habit now, though I sometimes wish there was something for me to hold.


JACK as REPORTER: Other than the fabulous lines housed in your lovely head and evicted from your beautiful mouth.

ADA: Witty! Yes I suppose that’s true, let’s talk about my new motion picture.

JACK as REPORTER: “Dirty Smut?”

ADA: “Dirty Smut” that’s correct.

JACK as REPORTER: Can you tell us any behind the scenes gossip about the film?

ADA: No.

JACK as REPORTER: Didn’t it have a title change at the last minute?

ADA: It did as a matter of fact.

JACK as REPORTER: Entitled?

ADA: Untitled!

JACK as REPORTER: I hear you should expect a nomination come award season.

ADA: I’m humbled and at once grateful.

JACK as REPORTER: There are many up and coming projects for us to look forward to as reported on the internet and from people’s mouths. Would you elaborate?

ADA: My next film will be “Mad Dark”, a film about a journalist, Jack Rascal who keeps dreaming that I… I play myself – a version of myself, that I get murdered in such terrible ways.

JACK as REPORTER: Fantastic! What an interesting idea.

ADA: Hardly, it’s mostly leftover footage from other projects. But I’m in it, a version of myself, that I get murdered in such terrible ways. The quality quota exceeds all thought.

She turns to leave and all JACKS shout the following at her as she walks.

JACK as REPORTER: I hear the theatre beckons once more?

JACK as REPORTER: Finally what does the future hold for Ada Stranger?

JACK as REPORTER: Is it true you are set to move to America?

JACK as REPORTER: How many husbands have you had?


JACK as REPORTER: Would you be so kind as to sign my flesh?

JACK as REPORTER: A nonsense non-question from me to you.

After a brief moment

JACK: I love you.

ADA: (Turns) What?

JACK: The song. I remember now, everything I wanted.

JACK: The song, it was a signal over and over – I was at that party.

The song begins (Jolie Holand) for a brief time (15 seconds) faintly

JACK: As was Ada! I’d never seen an idol before, I was a bag of nerves and she asked me to dance, didn’t she? She asked me! I’d love replaying that moment; it made me happy – unfiltered happiness, not a cloud in the sky, nothing like it.

JACK: But there was a dark cloud of course. Rarely is there never one following me in the horizon.

JACK: Fame ate her up and fucked everything, Why wouldn’t it, a starlet yet to blossom, isn’t that always the way.

Butterfly Thing (music) begins and a mime of ADA, only younger getting hit by a car – Lights go down only to come back up and all 5 Jacks are killing themselves (pills, hanging, cutting, gunshot, stabbing) They all die as the song ends. Lights go down.

Jacks pull out newspapers

JACK: What an article.

JACK: You did her justice.

JACK: The boss said it’s a cracking piece of journalism – me I think it’s terrible, couldn’t understand a word and read dictionaries for fun.

JACK: Stephen Fry kind of guy? Me I’m a Stephen King, really like him.

JACK: Jack?

JACK: Jack?

JACK: Jack?

JACK: Jack?

JACK: Jack?


ALL JACKS: Yes?

JACK: You’re fired!

JACK: Some nightmares are easy to cope with. They come and go, leave you alone. Some stick to you like a bad reputation and chase you throughout the day, waiting till you close your eyes.

JACK: I never outran mine, I settled as the host to try and be as accommodating as possible.

JACK: They offered me all that I have lusted after, all that I aspired to – then shattered it right before me eyes. Again and again.

JACK: People are only haunted if they choose to be – it depends on the mindset. An oblivious OAP could live in the most temperamental house and not feel a thing.

JACK: A nervous wreck of a man could occupy the newest of developments and cultivate him self a hell.

JACK: I cultivated mine and that’s all you need to know right now.

Lights fade as the song by Jolie Holland comes on again.

The end


mad dark - simplyscripts · web viewrun, you could still catch her. jack: i’m too slow. jack:...

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