Arthurby

Nathaniel Miles

nat.miles@hotmail.comCopyright (c) 2010 This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

Fade in:

EXT - FOREST CLEARING - DAY

A knight in shining armour is being attacked by a group of 6 soldiers. He parries one blow with his shield whileelbowing the man behind him. He is obviously better thanthose around him but never delivers a killing blow.

NARRATOR (V.O.)The year is 607 and the Pendragonfamily has been ruling Camelot forthe past 400 years. In that timethere has never been a richer, morepeaceful kingdom in the entireworld. But that is quicklychanging. Generation upongeneration of inbreeding in theroyal family has finally caught upto them in the form of Arthur.

CUT TO:

A small man in lavish clothing sits beside the action withan ancient megaphone.

ARTHURCut cut cut!

The fighting stops and everyone turns to him.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)Arthur 2?

The knight takes off his helmet.

ARTHUR 2Yes my lord?

ARTHUR Is that what you call fighting?

ARTHUR 2I'm sorry?

ARTHURYou're representing me out thereand you're fighting like a girl.

ARTHUR 2Ummm...

ARTHUR (sighing)

Let me show you how it's done.

He walks over to the knight.

ARTHUR (CONT'D) Give me your sword.

2.

Arthur 2 hands his sword over to Arthur who turns to theclosest soldier and stabs him in the stomach. He falls,groaning.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)You see?

The groans continue.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)Ah, walk it off.

He goes back to his seat.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)Let's do it again.

An older man in rich clothing walks slowly towards him, hishead bowed.

RINKLEYMy Lord?

ARTHURUrgh! Can't you see I'm busy!

RINKLEYIt's just that you promised yourcitizens a public forum today.They've been waiting for an hour.

ARTHURI don't remember saying that.

RINKLEYYou said it last night.

ARTHURWas I drunk?

RINKLEYThat's not for me to say.

ARTHUR(groaning)

Can't you just get one of myknights to do it?

RINKLEYMy lord, you sent them to fightFortinbras in Norway.

ARTHUR (shocked)

What? When did I do that?

RINKLEYLast night.

3.

Arthur groans heavily.

ARTHUR All I want to do is sit here with apint of mead, and watch some goodold fashion fighting.

RINKLEYBut my lord, the recent breakout ofdisease has put your people onedge. One small spark and we couldhave a rebellion on our hands.

Realizing, Arthur stands up.

ARTHUR Urgh! I hate my people.

RINKLEYOf course you do, my lord.

They begin walking off. Before they leave Arthur turns toArthur 2.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)I'm going for a while. Arthur 2, bythe time I come back I don't wantany of these people alive.

Arthur 2's face turns to horror.

ARTHUR(to Rinkly)

Go on then.

They leave.

Arthur 2 slowly lifts his sword out of his sheath, tryingnot to be noticed.

CUT TO:

INT - ROYAL COURT - DAY

Arthur sits on his throne, bored out of his mind. A peasantspeaks to him, but all he sees is his mouth move up anddown.

ARTHURMhm. Yeah. Oh, I agree. Mhm.

COMPLAINERI'm sorry, my lord, are youlistening?

ARTHUR(bored)

Yes: plague, hunger, dyingdaughters. Anything else?

4.

COMPLAINERMy lord, this disease is killingyour people everyday. It starts offslowly. First you sneeze, then youvomit and before you realize, yourhair falls out and you die.

Rinkley steps forward

RINKLEYWe hear your plea and I can assureyou that His Royal Highness isdoing all he can to stop thisplague.

COMPLAINERBut-

RINKLEYNext please!

A soldier marshalls him out. Behind him are 2 women, one hasa baby in her arms.

ARTHUR What's the problem?

WOMAN #1Pardon me, my lord. This woman andI both had sons in the same week.During the night, this woman's sondied because she lay on him. So shegot up in the middle of the nightand swapped her baby with mine.When I woke up I found the babynext to me dead, but as I took acloser look I realized that itwasn't mine, but hers.

WOMAN #2She's lying. This baby's mine.

Rinkley steps forward.

ARTHUR No, I know what to do. Since bothof you claim this baby is yours, wewill cut the child in 2 and givehalf to each.

WOMAN #2That seems fair.

WOMAN #1Please, my lord, give her theliving baby. Don't kill him!

Rinkley smiles.

5.

ARTHUR(to woman #1)

I see the love you have for thisbaby. But fair is fair. Now, whatwould you prefer: hotdog orhamburger?

A soldier comes with a sword.

GAWAIN(in the distance)

My lord! My lord!

Arthur turns to see a man in chainmail running towards him.The frame freezes on the man's face.

NARRATOR (V.O.)This is Gawain. His father is alsohis cousin and his mother's thesister of his father's cousin.Whatever that means.

He unfreezes and runs to Arthur.

GAWAINMy lord!

ARTHURWhat is it?

GAWAINA deer has just been spotted.

ARTHURCan't you see I'm busy?

GAWAINBut my lord, it's the biggest oneI've ever seen.

ARTHURHow big?

GAWAINYou remember the one we saw onMidsummer's night?

ARTHURYeah.

GAWAINAlmost as big as that one.

ARTHUR That is big. Alright, take methere.

RINKLEYBut my lord, what about this?

6.

ARTHUR Ah, you deal with it.

Rinkley breathes a sigh of relief.

ARTHUR(to Gawain)

Go on then.

They leave.

CUT TO:

EXT - FOREST OUTSKIRT - DAY

Gawain leads Arthur to the edge of a forest with a pasturebehind it.

GAWAINThis is where I spotted it.

Arthur sits down and breathes the fresh air.

ARTHURNow this is what being king is allabout.

GAWAINMhm.

ARTHURWait, aren't you suppose to be inNorway with the other knights?

GAWAIN(frantically)

There it is!

He points to a small brown figure in the clearing.

ARTHURThat is big.

CUT TO:

EXT - PASTURE - DAY

Instead of the small figure being a deer it is in fact twomen dressed up as one. They walk around clumsily, strugglingto move.

BACKThis is stupid. Why are we doingthis?

FRONTHey, if Sir Gawain want to pay us20 duckets a day to dress up andwalk around, let him do it.

7.

BACKSays the guy in the front.

CUT TO:

EXT - FOREST OUTSKIRT - DAY

Gawain takes out a bow and offers it to Arthur.

GAWAINWill you take the first shot?

ARTHURThe king always takes the firstshot.

He grabs the bow and gets into position. As he does this hebreaks a twig, creating a loud noise.

CUT TO:

EXT - PASTURE - DAY

The deer stops.

BACKWhat was that?

They both listen for a moment.

FRONTIt was nothing.

As he says this the sound of an arrow flying is heard and ithits the front person in the chest. He falls with a sigh.

BACKWhat was that?

The Front doesn't answer.

BACK (CONT'D)Thomas?

The sound of another arrow is heard and then the back personis also hit. He falls beside his friend.

CUT TO:

EXT - FOREST OUTSKIRT - DAY

Arthur smiles, laying down the bow.

GAWAINWhat a shot!

ARTHURThat's going to be good in a stew.

8.

GAWAINUh, right.

ARTHURNow, take it to the castle and haveit brought to my chambers after Ifinish my afternoon executions. Youknow how hungry I get after somegood old beheadings.

GAWAINYes my lord.

Arthur starts to walk away.

ARTHUROh, and make sure they cook itright. Last time it tasted likepork.

GAWAINWill do my lord.

FADE OUT

INT - KING'S CHAMBERS - EVENING

Arthur is sitting in a chair with a large axe, sharpeningit. He's in a good mood.

ARTHUR (singing to the tune of99 bottles of beer)

99 prisoners chained to the block,99 prisoners chained. Axe swings down, head rolls around,98 prisoners chained to the block.

He takes a breath.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)98 prisoners chained to the block-

His door knocks and he stops singing.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)What is it?

CUT TO:

INT - OUTSIDE KING'S CHAMBERS - EVENING

A servant is standing outside the door with a tray holding abowl of stew. His eyes are puffy and he is sweating.

SERVANTI have brought you your stew, mylord.

9.

ARTHUR(from next room)

Ah, good.

Before he enters the servant pauses and then sneezes heavilyinto the stew. He looks around and then into the stew.

ARTHUR(from next room)

C'mon then.

Not knowing what to do, the servant opens the door andenters.

CUT TO:

INT - KING'S CHAMBERS - EVENING

The servant walks to the table Arthur is sitting on andhands him the bowl. He leaves. Before he eats, Arthur bowshis head in prayer.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)Almighty Father I thank you forgifting me with the natural borntalent to hunt. I also pray forthose people who were executedtoday, that you'll condemn them toHell because they're traitors.Amen.

He takes a sip of the stew.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)Ah, that's more like it.

CUT TO:

EXT - CAMELOT - NIGHT

Wide shot of Camelot in darkness. Camera pans up to the moonand stars. The stars then fade into different positions. Thecamera pans back down.

EXT - NORWAY - NIGHT

A wide shot of a military camp in a snowy and cold field. Achyron reads "Kdslfjasdiofsd, Norway".

CUT TO:

INT - COMMANDER'S TENT - NIGHT

A knight walks into his candlelit tent and a servant takeshis fur cloak. The only other man in the tent is a general.

10.

LANCELOTIt is freezing out there. WhyNorway? Why not Spain? Only idiotslive here.

The frame freezes on Lancelot.

NARRATOR (V.O.)This is Lancelot, the smartestknight but the most cowardly.

The frame unfreezes and he takes no time going to the fire.

LANCELOT(sighing)

Ah, the fire, a soldier's bestfriend. How are we doing out there?

GENERALYour soldiers are cold and hungry.The plague is also starting to showup.

LANCELOTArthur doesn't tend to think oflogistics when he points hisfinger. No matter, we'll be out ofhere within a week.

He looks deeply into the fire.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)I just wish Arthur was here withme. I remember when we were bestfriends. Now he just hangs out withthat numbhead Gawain. It's lonelybeing a knight. It's hard to find afriend that won't pee in you cupwhen you're not looking.

He picks up a cup to drink it and then puts back.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)Wait, where is that numbhead?

GENERAL MASONHe said he was sick.

LANCELOTOf course he did. Nevermind, we'llbe back soon. The Norse are apathetic people. We'll root themout from their caves in no time.

SOLDIER(in the distance)

Sire, sire!

A soldier barges into the tent.

11.

LANCELOTWhat is it?

SOLDIERWe've found a scout!

LANCELOTIs he alive?

SOLDIERYes!

LANCELOTWell bring him in here. Let's havea look at these terrible excusesfor humans.

The servant leaves and comes back again, this time with a6'8" bohemoth whose arms are bigger than his blonde head.

Lancelot jumps behind the general.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)Oh wow! I was not expecting that.

SOLDIERHe says he wants to speak to theleader.

LANCELOTUm, yes, that's me. Hi.

He has no idea what to say.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)Cup of tea?

CUT TO:

INT - COMMANDER'S TENT - LATER

Both Lancelot and the giant are sipping tea around the fire.The Norse's cup looks like it came from a child's tea set.

LANCELOT(fumbling)

What's your name?

NORSE(in a thick Scandanavianaccent)

Bjor.

LANCELOTAh. My name is Lancelot.

There's an awkward silence.

12.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)So...are all you people as big asyou?

BJORBigger. I'm a...what would you callit? A little puppy.

LANCELOTI see.

He takes a deep breath.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)My people say you're a scout?

BJORNo.

LANCELOTYou're not?

BJORNo.

LANCELOTThen why are you hiding in thewoods?

BJORI was running away. The Earl has aprice on my head.

LANCELOTSo why did you run here?

BJORI want you to take me back toEngland.

LANCELOTYou want us to take you back withus? Why would I do that?

BJORBecause I will show you how to winthis war.

Lancelot's eyes gleam.

END OF ACT 1.

13.

FADE IN:

INT - ROYAL COURT - MORNING

Gawain is sitting at a table eating his breakfast. Arthurwalks in, pale and stuffy. He sneezes as he sits down.

GAWAINMy lord, you look awful.

ARTHURI think it was something I ate.

GAWAINWell, I ate the same peasant so...

ARTHURWhat?

GAWAINPheasant! I ate the same pheasantas you.

ARTHURI thought it was deer.

GAWAINIt was diseased. We had pheasantinstead.

ARTHUROh. Well, maybe I should just eatsome food. What's for breakfast?

A servant approaches with a bowl on a tray, although adifferent servant from the night before.

SERVANTYe olde porridge.

Arthur looks at the bowl in front of him and cringes. Helooks up at Gawain and proceeds to throwing up all over thetable.

GAWAINOh my.

He grabs Arthur from the chair and helps him back to hisroom.

GAWAIN (CONT'D)(to servant)

You go get Rinkley and bring him tothe king's chambers.

He servant does as he is asked.

14.

CUT TO:

EXT - CAMELOT - MORNING

A wide shot showing Camelot in all its glory.

RINKLEY (V.O.)Open wide.

CUT TO:

INT - KING'S CHAMBERS - MORNING

Arthur is lying on top of his bed with his back arched up bya pile of pillows. Rinkley is looking into his mouth asGawain paces around anxiously.

RINKLEY (CONT'D)I have bad news, my lord. It seemsyou have come down with the plague.

ARTHURHow? I'm not even a peasant?

RINKLEYDisease is not prejudice, my lord.

GAWAINWhen will he be better?

RINKLEY(sighing)

It's the plague, good knight. I'mafraid I don't have a cure.

ARTHUR(coughing)

How long do I have?

RINKLEYWithout help, 4 or 5 days.

GAWAINIs there nothing we can do?

RINKLEYLet me think.

He thinks to himself for a moment.

RINKLEY (CONT'D)There is one thing, but it'sdangerous.

GAWAINWhat?

15.

RINKLEYI have heard rumours that there isa wizard, Merlin, who lives inInglewood. He may be able to helpyou.

GAWAIN Inglewood? But that's in Rickard'sland. He'll kill us if we stepover.

RINKLEY That is why you must sneak there.No big armies. Just you.

GAWAIN Don't worry Arthur, you can counton me.

ARTHURWhere are my other knights?

RINKLEY They're still in Norway, my lord.

ARTHURWhat about Arthur 2?

RINKLEY He was brought to my surgery today.He had no head.

ARTHURUrgh! Fine, Gawain, go and bringMerlin to me.

RINKLEY My lord, Inglewood is 3 daysjourney from here. It'll take toolong to bring him back. You willhave to go with him.

ARTHURThis is the worst day in theuniverse.

RINKLEY I have brought some herbs for youto eat. These should make you feelnormal for at least a couple ofdays.

Arthur sighs.

ARTHURAlright then, Gawain, go pack ourthings and meet me in the cart in 1hour.

16.

GAWAIN We're going to have so much fun.

Arthur grimaces. We hear hard knocking at a door.

CUT TO:

EXT - SMALL COTTAGE - DAY

4 soldiers are standing at the doorway of a small cottage.On the side of the house is a sign that states "Merlin'sPotions". The captain continues to bang on the door.

CAPTAINOpen up! We know you're in there!

CUT TO:

INT - SMALL COTTAGE - DAY

The banging continues. In the house is a beautiful youngwoman who is hiding behind a wall. She is obviously indistress. The frame freezes on her face.

NARRATOR (V.O.)This isn't Merlin. This is Mel.

The frame unfreezes.

MELWhat do you want?

CUT TO:

EXT - SMALL COTTAGE - DAY

CAPTAINYour father owes the crown a lot ofmoney, witch.

He pauses.

CAPTAIN (CONT'D)He was a gambler, you know. And aterrible one at that.

Camera changes from inside to outside with each character'slines.

MELI don't have any money.

CAPTAINYou know king Rickard puts a priceon anyone who owes debts to thecrown.

MELBut I don't owe him anything.

17.

CAPTAINYou're Merlin's next of kin. Youassume his debts.

Mel puts her face in her hands.

CAPTAIN (CONT'D)Tell you what, I'll give you 3days. 3 days to find the 3000duckets owed. If I'm back and youdon't have it, I'll torch thisplace with you still in it.

He pauses.

CAPTAIN (CONT'D)By the way, we found this in hispocket. We tried to read it butit's in code.

He slips a letter under the door.

CAPTAIN (CONT'D)Oh, and one more thing.

MELWhat?

CAPTAINI love you.

She doesn't know what to say.

CAPTAIN (CONT'D)I love you and I want to marry you.

MELY-you just threatened to put me onfire!

CAPTAINBaby, you put me on fire every timeI see you. What do you say?

Mel is speechless.

MELNO!

CAPTAIN(coldly)

Fine then. You have 3 days.

The 4 soldiers turn and walk to their horses. One of themchuckles uncontrollably and the captain hits him in thehead.

Mel has the letter. She opens it and reads it. The samevoice of the narrator can be heard as the letter is read.

18.

MERLIN (V.O.)To my beloved Mel, if you'rereading this it means I'm dead. Iknow right now it seems that Ihaven't left you with much. Butdon't worry, that isn't the case.Hidden under one of the gravestonesin the garden, it seems I haveforgotten which one, is the sourceof the treasure I have kept sinceyou were born.

Relief floods through Mel and she takes no time to grab ashovel.

CUT TO:

EXT - FOREST ROAD - DAY

Arthur is sitting in a shaded chariot eating dates whileGawain is the one pulling him. They run across the screen.

GAWAIN How are you feeling, my lord?

ARTHURMuch better. Those herbs I ate aregreat. What are they called again?

GAWAIN Marijuana, my lord.

ARTHURAh. Make sure we have in thicksupply when we return. Now, where'sthe map?

Gawain's eyes widen and he stops the cart. They are seenrunning back across the screen going the other way and thenback again.

The journey continues.

ARTHUR(reminiscing)

I remember these forests as a kid.You couldn't go through themwithout facing bandits. Times havechanged, though, and we haven'tseen bandits in years.

As he says this 6 men in bandit clothing approach. The looksof "oh crap" can be seen with Arthur. Gawain stops thechariot.

GAWAINAh, bandits.

The leader steps forward.

19.

JULIO(in a Spanish accent)

We are not just bandits. We are theEl Banditos, and we are here torelieve you of your things.

He smiles slyly.

ARTHURBefore you do this I'll have youknow that I am your king and whatyou're about to do is treason.

JULIOA king, you say? Then where areyour knights?

GAWAINNorway.

Arthur throws a date at the back of Gawain's head.

ARTHURI don't need my knights. I can takeyou all on by myself. Pass me mysword, Gawain.

Gawain's eyes widen and he indicates that he forgot it.

CUT TO:

EXT - FOREST - DAY

In a snowy forest walks Lancelot, Bjor, General Mason and 2soldiers. A chyron reads, "Skdjfaowiefj, Norway".

LANCELOTWhy did you bring me here?

BJORYou cannot beat the Norse.

LANCELOTYou said we could! If you're lyingto me-

Lancelot reaches for his sword but it's stuck.

BJORThe frost. Sometimes it makes theblade stick.

Lancelot's eyes widen.

BJOR (CONT'D)Here, let me help.

He goes over to him and pulls it out. Lancelot holds it atBjor, but can't stop it from shaking.

20.

BJOR (CONT'D)Have you ever used that before?

LANCELOT(ashamed)

No.

BJORThen put it away before you hurtyourself.

He does as he's told.

BJOR (CONT'D)Now, if you attack, they will eatyou alive. This is their land, theyknow how to use it.

LANCELOTBut you said you would show us howto win this war.

BJORYes. The only way to win is to gohome and pretend you did.

LANCELOT A fake victory? There is no honourin that!

BJORWhat would you prefer: honour oryour head?

LANCELOT My head.

Lancelot sighs.

LANCELOT (CONT'D) But how would we pull it off?Arthur will want evidence. Healways makes us bring treasureback.

BJORThe Norse do not have gold orjewels for you to bring back. Buttake me and pretend I am yourprisoner. When Arthur is happy, letme go. You get what you want and Iget what I want.

LANCELOTThat sounds like it would work.

He turns to the general.

21.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)General Mason, go ahead and telleveryone that I single handedlykilled Fortinbras and the war isover.

GENERAL MASONYes sire.

They all begin walking back.

LANCELOTBjor, I think this is the start ofsomething great.

Bjor looks at him with pity.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)Wait, I forgot to ask. Why are youon the run?

BJOR Jeg spiste barn.

CUT TO:

EXT - FOREST ROAD - DAY

Arthur and Lancelot are walking with just theirunderclothes. Gawain is carrying a paper pad and a quill.

GAWAIN(reading lyrically)

And the El Banditos came and tookour things and now we're walking because wehave no things because the El Banditos took ourthings.

ARTHURLet me see that.

He passes it over to Arthur who throws it away.

GAWAINThat took me 2 days to write!

ARTHUR(stopping)

Look, there it is. The QuicksandRiver.

He points to a large pool of sand, scattered with debrislike carts and pieces of barrels half engulfed.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)It's the natural border between ourland and Rickard's.

22.

GAWAINWell, you know, I heard the bestway to get across quick sand is torun across it as fast as you can.

ARTHURNo Gawain, I'm pretty sure that'sthe worst way.

GAWAINTrust me, my lord, I know this.

ARTHURFine. But if you fall in I'm notgoing to save you.

GAWAINDon't worry, Arthur, I won't needyour help.

He steps back a couple of steps and starts his run up. As hereaches the pool he jumps and tries to run across it, but hefalls unnaturally fast up to his waist.

GAWAIN (CONT'D)HELP ME ARTHUR!

ARTHURI'm not saving you.

At this point he's up to his neck and still going. Arthurdoesn't move. The sand goes over his head and he's belowcompletely. He then reaches his hand up from under and opensand closes it, as if it's screaming for help.

Arthur sighs and grabs the closest branch and holds it overto his hand. He hits Gawain, but his hand suddenly holdsflat, as if he's asking him to wait. He then motions that heis ready to be rescued.

Pulling hard, Arthur manages to pull Gawain out, who stillhas one hand in the sand.

GAWAINThanks Arthur.

ARTHURWhat was that about?

GAWAINWhile I was down there I felt ahandle, and I heard there's lots ofhidden treasure in here.

ARTHURWell then bring it out!

He brings out his hand from the sand to reveal a decomposedhuman. The handle he was holding was what's left of the jaw.

23.

GAWAINNevermind.

Arthur shakes his head.

GAWAIN (CONT'D)So that's it. We can't get past.

ARTHURWell, we can probably use thatbridge over there.

He points to a bridge about 50 yards away.

GAWAINOh yeah.

They walk towards it when Arthur sneezes.

ARTHURI hope we're getting close.

They cross the bridge and continue their journey.

CUT TO:

EXT - MERLIN'S GARDEN - DAY

Mel is digging a fifth hole. Surrounding her are previousmounds she dug, a mix of dirt and bones. She has beenworking tirelessly, but it's all worth it at the sound ofthe "clunk."

She grabs a small chest and is breathing heavily.

MELYes!

She kisses it, but it makes no noise.

MEL (CONT'D)No no no no no-

She shakes it, but again there's no noise. She opens it upto reveal a piece of paper.

MEL (CONT'D)No!

She opens it up and begins reading.

MERLIN (V.O.)Well done, my child. You have foundit! I know what you're thinking:where's the gold? But wisdom comeswith age, my dear, and I have cometo realize that gold is not thetreasure. The real treasure is the

(MORE)

24.

MERLIN (V.O.) (cont'd)memories and moments we sharedtogether. When you're older you'llrealize-

She starts ripping up the piece of paper.

MERLIN (V.O.)(CONT'D)Hey, what are you doing? This tookme ages to do.

She throws the pieces to the ground and sits down on theedge of the hole. She sits in self pity.

CAPTAIN(in the distance)

Alright Mel, this is your lastchance. Will you marry me?

She freezes.

CAPTAINFine then. I'm coming in!

CUT TO:

EXT - SMALL COTTAGE - DAY

The same captain and 3 soldiers stand at her entrance. Hetakes a step back, kicks the door down and enters. Theothers follow.

CUT TO:

INT - SMALL COTTAGE - DAY

They make a quick swoop of the house but realize she's notthere.

CAPTAINHarrison?

HARRISONYes, captain.

CAPTAINGo check the back.

HARRISONYes sir.

He leaves.

CAPTAINC'mon Mel, I'll be a good husband.We can even get a dog.

25.

CUT TO:

EXT - MERLIN'S GARDEN - DAY

The soldier reaches the garden and sees the holes. Mel hasgone. He sprints back to meet the other 3 at the entrance.

CUT TO:

EXT - SMALL COTTAGE - DAY

CAPTAIN Let me guess, she ditched?

HARRISONYes. There's 5 of them.

CAPTAIN What? There's 5 what?

HARRISONDitches.

The captain looks at him like he's an idiot. He leaves thecottage and jumps onto his horse, as does the others.

CAPTAIN Now, Harrison, you take the northroad. Ralph, the south. Mickey, youtake east and I'll go west.

SOLDIERS Yes sir.

They split.

CAPTAIN Nobody touch her. Leave her for me.

CUT TO:

EXT - ROAD - DAY

Gawain and Arthur are walking on the road, tired and hungry.

GAWAINAre we there yet?

ARTHUR(annoyed)

Well I could have told you if youhadn't used the map to wipe yourbutt!

GAWAINI didn't know which leaves make youitchy.

They continue walking but Gawain then suddenly stops.

26.

ARTHURWhy have you stopped?

GAWAINDid you hear that?

ARTHURHear what?

GAWAINThat.

They both stop and listen. In the background they hear aslight cry.

ARTHURWhat is that?

The sound becomes clearer and they both look to the end ofthe road. On the horizon is a woman running and screamingtowards them.

Time slows down for Gawain. All he sees is the mostbeautiful girl in the world. His jaw drops. Music startsplaying. Light from heaven shines on her face. In thebackground comes another form, one of a horse.

The captain is catching up. She looks back and begins toscream again. Seeing his missus in danger, Gawain kneels andgrabs a big rock from the ground. Arthur moves to thebushes.

As they both approach, the captain takes his spear and getsit ready. Gawain does the same with his rock. They are fiftyfeet away and closing.

The captain stretches his arm behind him and aims. Knowingit's now or never, Gawain throws his stone.

It flies straight, but it's just a little low. Instead ofthe captain, he hits Mel square in the face and she fallssideways.

The captain's spear has been loosed, but the rock managed tohit Mel out of the way. The horse sprints past them andturns. Gawain runs to Mel. Seeing the spear on the floor,Arthur grabs it and points to the captain. He stops andrecognizes him.

CAPTAIN King Arthur!?

ARTHURYou dropped your spear.

CAPTAIN This isn't your land.

27.

ARTHURYeah well, we just took a big crapover there so...

The captain isn't sure how to respond.

CAPTAIN I'm telling Rickard.

He rides past them back to where he came.

ARTHURSNITCH!

Gawain has Mel in his arms. She sits up.

MELWhat happened?

GAWAINDon't you remember? I saved you.

MELNo you didn't. You threw a rock atmy head.

GAWAINNot hard enough, I guess.

She looks up and sees Arthur. Surprised, she stands up andrubs the dust off her.

MELKing Arthur!? What are you doinghere?

ARTHURWe're looking for Merlin.

MELI'm sorry, but he's dead.

ARTHURI see.

He walks to the bushes and starts throwing up.

MELWow, they must have been closefriends.

GAWAINOh no, he has the plague. We cameto see if Merlin had the power toheal him. Although he probablycan't if he's dead.

28.

MELOh no, the plague is easy. There'sa plant that only grows in thisland that, with a little treatment,completely heals it.

GAWAINWell that's convenient.

MELI'll go find some.

She goes into the forest and Gawain walks to Arthur. Sittingon the side of the road, Arthur has his hands on his faceand seems to be sobbing.

GAWAINMy lord, good news. There's a cure.

He hears the sniffling.

GAWAIN (CONT'D)Are you alright?

Arthur lifts his face out of his hands, but still remainingin his hands is some of his hair.

ARTHURI'm ugly!

END OF ACT 2.

29.

Fade in:

INT - ROYAL COURT - EVENING

In the middle of the royal court is the famous round table,except this one has a square at the end where Arthur sits.All 12 seats are full of knights except for the one next tohim, which belongs to Gawain.

Arthur and his knights are feasting merrily, with mead androasted meat being guzzled down. They're all laughing.

LANCELOTAnd then I said, "In the name ofking Arthur I've come to destroyyou." And he ran away.

More roaring laughs.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)And then-and then I got out mysword and threw it at him and Itook his head right off. I walkedup to him and said, "Good. Now youcan pick on someone your own size."

An uproar of drunken laughs.

ARTHUR So what have you brought me back?

LANCELOTAh yes.

He motions for Bjor on the other side of the room.

LANCELOT (CONT'D)This is Bjor. He's the last Norsealive. He helped us defeat hispeople.

ARTHUR So he's a traitor?

LACELOTI guess so.

ARTHUR I like that. He's big, too. Heshould be a knight.

LACELOTI think that's a great idea!

30.

ARTHUR There's one problem, though. Weonly have 12 chairs around thistable and they're all accountedfor. I guess there's just 1 thingwe can do.

He grabs his dinner knife and throws it at a random knight.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)There you go, a spot just opened.

Bjor pulls the knight of the chair and sits down.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)Although, now that I think of it, Icould have just gotten anotherchair made. Ah, whatever.

He laughs to himself.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)You could have even used Gawain'sfor tonight.

He laughs again.

ARTHUR (CONT'D)Wait, where is Gawain?

LACELOTProbably gallavanting somewhereelse. He's a terrible excuse for aknight, I'll tell you.

ARTHURAlright, Lancelot. He's probablyjust drunk somewhere else.

FADE TO:

INT - SCRUFFY SHACK - NIGHT

Gawain and Mel are both kneeling beside a poor man's bed.

MELAlright, now prop him up for me.

Gawain's hesitant, but manages to lift the man up slightlyso that Mel can pour medicine into his mouth.

MEL (CONT'D)There we go.

31.

He puts the peasant down and a hint of a smile can be seenfrom Gawain's face.

MELNow, what do we say?

GAWAINI'm taking your children if youdie.

MELAh ah ah. That wasn't it.

GAWAINHave a good night.

MELThat's better.

They both walk out of the shack.

Fade out.

END OF ACT 3.