lydia sheldon_mccall fieldwork journal_(artifact)_03.15.13_with sandi's comments

7/28/2019 Lydia Sheldon_McCall Fieldwork Journal_(Artifact)_03.15.13_with Sandi's Comments

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Lydia Sheldon

15 March 2013

EDUC 515Penn Mentor: Sandi Richards

Fieldwork Notebook Entry 7Reflections on an Emotionally Charged Class

I opened class with a quickwrite, asking students to describe a moment of irony. I didn’t

realize I was about to enact an example of irony in my own teaching practice. Earlier in themorning, we’d had our three-way field review, where I’d expressed my goal to keep a positive

attitude with my students, no matter how I felt my lesson was going. It’s important to note that

this day, my class schedule had been switched, so that students I usually see in the beginning of

the day I now was teaching in the afternoon. My first class (8A) seemed resistant to my plan for a whole-class reading aloud of Anne Frank , but I persisted. I had in mind my goal of being

upbeat, and I kept encouraging students who were participating, and avoiding an aggressive

confrontation with those who weren’t. My goal was to keep the reading going, and to keep agood attitude with the class. I think I met my goals, despite my inward sigh of relief as the

students filed out. Then 8B happened.

It was the worst class period I’ve experienced as a student teacher. The atmosphere and

fallout seem so monumental in my psyche, that even as I reflect, I keep reminding myself that itinvolved only a few students, and not the entire class. (Although, perhaps I’d be more precise to

say that my confrontations were with only a few students. I believe the entire class was involved-

as witnesses and even participants). As we read around the room, the dramatic reading seemed to be working for most of the class, but a few students were determined to resist. Samir and Connor

made fun of Michael, a student with a severe learning disability. Aminah laughed loudly at the

Chinese-American students’ accents. At first I tried to ignore what was happening, but it kept

getting louder and more disruptive. I tried to keep a friendly atmosphere: I playfully askedConnor to stop reading in a monotone, I made eye contact and nodded encouragingly at Wenlong

and Baowei as they read over the sounds of Aminah and Makeisha making fun of them. The

class seemed to be disintegrating, and I began to feel that it was out of my control. After a seriesof escalating interventions on my part, I sent Samir and Aminah to the principal. Dr. Marshall

walked in as Makeisha was loudly criticizing my decision, and sent Makeisha to the principals

office, as well. The tension in the room was high. I felt like giving up for the day. Wow, I admireyour patience and resolve to keep pushing forward through all this not-so-nuanced bad, yet

typical, adolescent behavior. Did you ever consider stopping the reading completely and

addressing in a general way the disrespectful actions of a handful of students? Your decisions to

at first ignore, then to keep things light, then to use silent cues to encourage the Chinese-American readers – all reflect your desire to be inclusive, tolerant, and as productive as possible

given the distractions of the few perpetrators. What do you think was gained and lost by valiantly

proceeding through the tension?

Instead, the rest of the students finished the reading successfully, subdued. I had plannedto ask them each to write a discussion question based on our reading, but I changed my mind in

the moment and asked them to write a reaction to our class period. I realized that this could be a

very bad idea, or a good one. I wasn’t sure how they would respond. I knew that some of themwould write what I thought they wanted to hear. It was clear from my tone and demeanor that I



was upset, exactly what I had resolved not to do in my meeting earlier in the day. Talk about a

lesson in irony.

As I read the students’ responses, I found some that seemed tailored to their perceptionsof my expectations. The majority, however, were revealing to me about what had gone wrong in

our class. My deepest impression was that many students each expressed personal responses that

seemed to come from a history of these types of class periods. I don’t know if any of their teachers has asked them to write a personal response to one of these outbursts, which theydescribed as typical. Notably, several students complained that their homeroom class has a bad

reputation because of a few disruptive students in particular, and that they resent being

associated with that behavior. Katrina wrote, “Why would she be laughing about the way peopleread? If it’s funny then laugh, but why would you laugh so loud and acting obnoxious?” Celine

said, “I don’t like how these certain people interrupt as we read the play. The constant laughter

and pauses annoys me and the others who are trying to focus in class.” Frankie described what

had happened as “normal.” “The only difference was that we were in literacy. This behavior during literacy was a little quiet then in science. It’s crazy during science like people slap each

other. Well only one group does. During literacy no one was screaming that much. So today was

pretty much normal for 8B.” These reflections afforded me valuable insight into what had happened in class. They also

gave me information about my students, and about the community of our class even as it occurs

outside of our room and period. They helped me see the bigger picture, as painted by individual

students. They allowed me to gauge individual students’ attitudes towards and desires for their own learning environment. Of course, I wanted that information. I knew I wouldn’t get it from

them verbally, and I used my authority as their teacher to draw out their opinions.

But what about the value of the exercise for them? I don’t think my students areaccustomed to expressing their opinions about the classroom environment to their teachers,

maybe not even to themselves. They seemed united in their feeling that these outbursts were

typical. Some of them observed “the teacher” was “angry.” (Oh, no! Failure of my goal

confirmed!) But do they privately articulate more? Does this kind of reflective exercise empower them as learners at all? Do they learn more about themselves as learners by jotting down a quick

reaction to an emotionally charged class period? In their written reflections, a few students

seemed to be expressing genuine emotions that they wouldn’t have an outlet for otherwise.Inviting the students to reflect on the classroom environment implicitly requires that they

identify and express the ways they learn best. Their criticisms of classmates’ behavior reveal so

much about the range of cultural backgrounds, academic aspirations, ethical values, learningstyles, and attitude towards authority figures (in this case, you!). Whether this exercise empowers

them as learners or simply offers them safe place to vent and self-express, I believe it was worth

the risk you took. Holding up the mirror to themselves and their peers in this formal way might

compel them to be more self-aware (and ideally more self-controlled, at least the biggestoffenders of 8B) and, therefore, more in touch with themselves emotionally, intellectually, and

socially.

These reflections have made me curious about is how Aminah and Samir felt about the

class period. This morning, Samir seemed to be shuffling his feet around the class door when Iwalked in. I decided to bring up what had happened Wednesday. I explained to him that his

behavior had been disrespectful and disruptive. I made sure I affirmed him: I emphasized how

much I value his contributions to class and that I think he had a knack for analytical thinking. Heseemed receptive and agreeable, although he didn’t volunteer much of his own thinking on the



matter. I wonder how Aminah would evaluate her own behavior. I wonder how they perceived

me during that time? (I’m not sure I want to hear the answer to that, though).

I’m developing my inquiry into my students’ metacognition, their perception of themselves as learners, and how I can facilitate that in a literacy classroom. Despite the sting of

knowing I failed myself and my students in that moment, I’m glad that I’m now thinking about

this type of metacognitive writing with respect to classroom environment. Not only is it valuablefor me as I seek to understand my students and our classroom community, I think it could be arich, learning exercise for them. I want them to understand themselves as participants in that

community, not bystanders or victims. I want them to feel a sense of responsibility for

themselves as they approach their learning. I think the first step to that is giving them a voice.Even and especially in moments when their teacher or classmates potentially could be silencing

them. Yes, giving them a voice is extraordinarily important, especially in a literacy classroom

where analyzing and honoring diverse voices are central to all reading and writing activities. It is

hard to ask students to engage themselves in Anne Frank’s poignant and transformative story (or anyone’s story) if they feel personally detached, undervalued, or silenced in that classroom

community. While your inquiry study of your students’ perception of themselves as learners

unquestionably leads to complicated findings and messy moments, it also represents the besthope for a healthy, vibrant, democratic, and multi-cultural classroom. I suspect John Keats would

call this kind of learning environment as one reflective of “negative capability”, and that is the

kind I have always trusted most deeply!

lydia sheldon_mccall fieldwork journal_(artifact)_03.15.13_with sandi's comments

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